Friday, November 10, 2006

ER 13.5 Ames vs. Kovac

Previously on ER: Abby, holding the original colossal Chicago version of her son, Mongo Joe Kovac, or MoJo for short, told Neela and Morris that she’ll be back to work in a month; Ray introduced himself to Neela’s med student, Katie, who reminds me of Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High; Phoebe asked Neela if she and Ray lived together and Neela told her they were roommates, and Phoebe hoped she had “benefits”; Pratt’s dad Charlie, played by Danny Glover, who I can only ever see as Mister from The Color Purple, told Pratt that he understood if Pratt didn’t want to have anything to do with him but asked “What about your little brother?” and said that he’d like to get to know Pratt; Pratt’s brother Chaz asked him “Ain’t we brothers?”; Talking to Angela from Staff Services, who looks a little like Iman, Luka doesn’t remember the case and asked “Curtis Ames?” and Iman filled him in that Ames had left-sided paralysis following a stroke, but Luka thought that case had no merit, but Iman thinks the guy wants his day in court but that it doesn’t reflect on Luka’s abilities as a physician but Luka, looking lovely but troubled in Luka Blue II, didn’t look so sure.

Pratt’s back in business in the Barbershop, talking with the old guys there about the basketball playoffs and they’re bitching that they remember when the NBA used to mean something and now it’s all a bunch of gangstas with tattoos. Pratt’s holding a mirror up, admiring the job Cedric the Entertainer did on his head, though I’m seeing absolutely no difference from last week’s ep. I like that Pratt’s giving his hair business to a local guy and not going the favoritism route to get an appointment in the Mobile Hair Salon that Abby the Hair Dresser and Luka her Shampoo Boy seemed to have making the rounds at the hospital last season. Considering MoJo’s still young and Abby’s not back to work yet, the Bat Mobile bit is probably on hold and Luka’s bat cave apartment Salon and Spa may not yet be open to the public. All the men in the Barbershop start making some “Hey now ho now hey now” noises at a big bosomed bimbo walking by the window, and one wishes he were twenty years younger, as Pratt, still marveling at his reflection, chimes in “… You’d still be a granddaddy”, and they all laugh. Door jingles as another older gentleman, using a cane, walks in, spots Pratt and says “Now is that Dr. Gregory Pratt?” and wants to know what he’s doing down there on the South Side, as Pratt pays Cedric. Cane says that he heard Pratt bought a condo on the Gold Coast as Ice Cube wants to know if he drove down there in the Beemer or the Benz. Pratt chuckles and corrects them that he walked there from his apartment. Pratt spots Ice Cube’s hand shaking and asks how long it’s been doing that, but Ice Cube says that it’s been as long as he can remember. Pratt asks if he’s been to a doctor but Ice Cube scoffs at that and relates a story about the wife of one of the neighborhood guy who spent $20,000 in tests on her headaches so they could tell her to take an aspirin. Cedric tells about another guy who checked into the hospital with a stomach ache and the next day checked out through the morgue. Pratt’s a little put off and says “So what are you saying? Nobody here goes to the doctor?” They all moan and groan and Pratt tells them that they should as Sean Patrick Thomas supports him by saying “That’s right. Dr. Pratt needs to make them car payments”, and they all laugh again, except Pratt who does it sarcastically. He tells them that seriously, they need to get their pressure checked. Cane protests that they can do that at the drug store. Ooh, I don’t know if I’d trust those, Cane. One of those things malfunctioned at our local pharmacy and some old lady got her arm trapped in there ... not pleasant. She ended up having to chew her arm off to rescue herself … Nasty … Oh, wait … that was in Dawn of the Dead … I got confused seeing Mekhi Phifer … Pratt tries to tell them that they need to get checked, their sugar … their prostate … and they all start protesting on that one. Cedric tells Pratt that he wouldn’t “let Halle Berry stick her finger up my ass, I sure as hell ain’t going to let you”. Hee. Laughing, Pratt tells them “I’ll see you fools later” and leaves as the Barbershop crew spots another piece of ass passing by the window for them to leer at.

Walking outside, Pratt still can’t get enough of himself and is rubbing his head and checking his look in the storefront windows as he passes by as we hear someone yelling “Greg!” Pratt turns to see his half-brother Chaz running up to him, carrying a backpack and a takeout coffee cup. They are genuinely glad to see each other as they clasp hands then do a man hug. Pratt wants to know what Chaz is doing around there, but Chaz don’t need a whore, don’t need no booze, don’t need no virgin priest, ‘cause he’s just waiting on a friend. Pratt asks where he ended up at school and Chaz tells him UIC, or University of Illinois, Chicago. Pratt thinks that’s good and asks how it’s going and Chaz says it’s alright and that he’s running a little late. Pratt checks his watch and says that he’s got to get out of there, too. Chaz thinks they should “kick it sometime” and Pratt thinks so too and tells Chaz “Definitely, you know where I am” as they clasp and man hug again. Chaz tells him it was good seeing him and Pratt tells him “You too. Be safe” and leaves.

A flustered Abby, wearing a hunter green button down shirt and with her hair not looking bad today, brushed to the side in the front and clipped up in the back, is hurriedly closing the refrigerator door after putting something on a shelf. And there are a bunch of photos stuck with magnets on the fridge, including one held by a clip that looks like Abby, with her hair a little darker, kneeling in the grass, holding MoJo on her lap. There’s also a magnet of the letter “M” on the door for some reason, though there are no other letters around. Weird … Oh, duh. I get it … “M” for “MoJo” … Rushing around the counter to the table, Abby grabs a backpack and tells Luka that he’ll probably be home before she is and that “Miriam” has to leave at six. So did they hire a “nanny” after all? Though I’m sure it’s not one of the Nympho Nannies from last week. None of them looked like a “Miriam”. Nor did Abby seem too keen on having them anywhere near The Pretty. And I’m so with you on that, Abby, wanting him all to yourself. Bitch. As Abby drops the bag on a chair at the table, we see Luka, in luscious “Luka Blue, the Original” with a striped tie and his conservative brushed-to-the-side hairstyle, sitting there, looking at some papers and sipping some coffee out of a brown mug. On the table next to Abby are diapers, a green plastic travel baby wipes container, some baby toys, and … a stuffed elephant. Is that THE stuffed squeaky elephant that Luka and Abby got a little busy on in the dressing room at the baby store in Split Decisions last year? ‘Cause if it is … Ewww … You let MoJo play with that? … Unless you just kept as a memento, and for your own squeaking pleasure … Abby is kind of talking to herself saying “okay”, and trying to get her shit together. She says “okay” again, looking over into the portable crib next to the table and smiling at what she sees, leaning over and saying “Joe … let’s review” as the camera angle changes and we see this week’s MoJo du Jour lying on the of course green sheet, with the plaid bumper around the crib, playing with his feet and looking over at her. I’m thinking, like father, like son … Just as Luka has his signature blue colors, MoJo’s all with the greens. And with that blouse, even his mommy’s getting into the act. As he spots Abby, MoJo gets a huge grin on his face. Awww. He’s adorable and his whole face lights up as she talks to him. How cute is that? … Abby keeps talking to him as he keeps smiling at her playing with his hands, “… PEA … hmmm? … Treatable conditions include …” as she straightens up and starts rattling off “hyperkalemia … tension pneumothorax …”. And I am excited as I spot the box of my preferred brand of tea, PG Tips, on the far left top shelf over her shoulder, right where I left it. Don’t you worry … I got the signal, Luka … I’ll be there for my scheduled hair appointment … and complete intensive salon treatment … Banish the Bitch and I’ll be right over … Abby lifts up, unzips and starts filling the diaper backpack she used last week and we see a travel mug on the table that had been hidden behind it. Luka is concentrating on his papers, waving a pen back forth in the air nervously. Looking off like she’s trying to remember, Abby adds “… cardiac tamponade … MI … and …”. Getting stuck as she stuffs some diapers in the bag, she repeats “… and …” then not remembering, asks Luka “What’s another cause of PEA?” Because he was so engrossed in what he was reading that he wasn’t paying any attention to her ramblings, Luka answers “Hmmm?” Stopping the bag stuffing and looking over at him with hand on hip, Abby asks “Reversible aetiology of PEA?” Looking back at his papers and tapping his head anxiously with the pen, Luka glances up at her and answers “Um … massive pulmonary embolism”. Like she just proved a theorem, Abby responds “See?! How could I forget that??”, and loads the baby wipes container in the bag. Not looking up from his papers, Luka assures her distractedly, “You’ll be fine”. Abby starts to explain in the words that I, and probably every new mother at some point for that matter, uttered, “I don’t know … my brain is like mush” as she accidentally hits the backpack into the travel mug, causing the coffee inside to spill out onto Luka’s papers. Abby’s all apologetic, says “sorry” a few times and starts to try to clean up the mess as Luka reacts a little annoyed, sighing and leaning back, hands up a little agitatedly, letting her sop up the spill. Knowing it was an accident and not really mad, just distracted, he tells her that he has to review this and she looks over at him questioning quietly, but not accusatory, “Ten times?” He explains that he gave his deposition a year ago and it looks really bad if he contradicts himself. She continues to clean up his papers, assuring him that he didn’t do anything wrong and he just needs to tell the truth, as he holds up his hand dismissively to get her off his stuff, and she backs off a little with her hands up “Sorry”. Luka sits back and sighs, resting his forehead on his right hand as the doorbell rings. Abby moves over to the port-a-crib and picks up a cooing MoJo, smiles broadly as she lifts him up in the air whispering “Who’s that, huh?”, before bringing him down in front of her, smiling at him and asking “Want to see who’s at the door, huh?”, then putting him up on her shoulder. Awww. Sweet. Abby walks over towards the door, holding him up to her shoulder and asking him sing-song-edly “Who’s at the door?” She tells him happily “It’s Miriam … she’s going to take you to the park”, as we see some bright colored baby toys and a cloth book on the side table near the door. We also get a good glimpse at MoJo’s really dark hair, unlike the red headed Chicago MoJo II from last ep. Maybe they’ll not be on location for a while and use this MoJo more frequently. Because not only is he a good size to be their baby, he’s also extremely cute, as you’d expect the Lukaby to be.

Luka and Abby are driving in the car. She’s going on apprehensively that she supposes if she really can’t remember something she can always run it by an Attending. Putting her right hand up to her mouth, she continues that she just doesn’t want to be bugging them all day, saying disgustedly at herself “Like I’m a med student or something”. Luka’s not paying any attention to her babbling. Chewing on her thumbnail, Abby glances over at him, doing a double-take as she notices his preoccupation. Looking at him sympathetically, she asks gently, “You okay?” As they pull up in front of County, Luka purses his lips, looks quickly over at her, sighs a little, looks back at the road and says tautly that “the guy’s going to be so sympathetic to the jury”. Abby declares “but he doesn’t have a case” and adds reassuringly, “You’re going to be fine”. Luka moves the car to park, and stressed, tells her that if he loses they report him to the national databank and it follows him wherever he goes. Ooh, can I get a job there??? He adds tensely, “… for the rest of my career”. Getting more and more wound up he explains that he could be turned down for a job, “it could cut back our income”. I like how he says “our” income, because they really are a family and are in this together. Holding up his hands a little exasperatedly, he lets out a frustrated groan. Caringly and sincerely, Abby asks if he wants her to come to court. Not looking at her, he absently replies “No, you’ve got a shift”. Smiling a bit, she thinks they’ve been doing just fine without her for the past couple of months. Abby’s being genuinely concerned and supportive here. As he rubs her thigh affectionately … bitch … Luka looks at her and says, trying to sound convincing, that it’s more important for her to be at work, before looking back down again. Abby acquiesces, nodding and saying “Okay”. She tells him quietly, “Good luck”, then very wifely, leans over to kiss him. Bitch. He thanks her and she tells him to call her before getting out of the car. He nods at her, then looks distractedly away, obviously worried. Aww, he’s in need of some comforting … and moisturizing … and a full body massage … ASAP. Maybe we should move my appointment time up, Luka … Camera closes in on Luka’s troubled, yet tantalizingly tasty, face.

Iman and Luka are going through metal detectors at the Court House with a guy in a grey suit wearing a red power tie. Power Tie, who must be Luka’s lawyer, is telling him that the Plaintiff’s attorney will provoke him and try to get under his skin. Oh, I am so going to have to issue a warning here, Plaintiff’s attorney, even though you’re not even in this scene. If anyone is going to be getting “under” Luka’s anything, it’s going to be me … And I guess, technically, Abby … Bitch … Iman tells Luka to “stay cool” … boy, boy, crazy boy … get cool, boy. Got a rocket in your pocket, Luka? Keep coolly, cool, boy … Iman tells him that if he gets defensive, the jury will turn against him … Don’t get hot, ‘cause man, you got some high times ahead .... And why am I getting the sinking feeling that since he’s been cautioned twice in the past 30 seconds that Luka is going to pay no heed? Luka sighs, agreeing “yeah” as they walk towards the courtroom. Iman tells Luka to keep it brief, because if he elaborates they’ll think he’s being evasive. Patting Luka on the back, Power Tie tells him to stay loose, boy. Breeze it, buzz it, easy does it … turn off the juice, boy … Actually, he says not to worry about getting the whole story out at once because he’ll have a chance to ask follow-up questions later. Same difference. At the door, Luka looks down the hallway and pauses. Handing Iman the packet of papers he’s carrying, Luka tells her he’ll meet them inside. They enter the courtroom and Luka heads down the hall and enters …

The Men’s Room. Looking around a little and blowing air through his cheeks, Luka heads over to a urinal as we hear a toilet flush. Then … Could it be? … Yes, it could … Something’s coming …. Something good … The most beautiful sound I ever heard … Luka unzipping … And suddenly I found how wonderful a sound can be … Rocking a little on his heels, Luka turns as the door opens and we see … Forest Whitaker! I love him. What a tremendously talented actor. He can play such a range of emotions, from affecting vulnerability to completely menacing. And every time I see him, I’m reminded of his great performance as Charlie Parker in Bird. Bird, in a suit with a blue tie and a sling on his left arm, glares at Luka before walking over to the sink. Luka’s facing forward and not looking at him, as Bird turns on the water and gets some soap, both with his free right hand, which he runs under the water and washes. Luka looks over at him like he’s going to say something, then reconsiders and looks down again at his task in hand … literally … And I’m good at multi-tasking if you need an extra hand there, Luka … Just saying … Bird’s right hand shut’s off the water, then reaches over to grab paper towels determinedly. He places them on the sink counter, then puts his hand back side down on to them to dry. Luka looks over again and addresses him a bit apologetically, “Mr. Ames, I’m sorry we’re here. I was hoping … this … wouldn’t have to go to trial”. Luka’s not really looking at Bird, almost like he doesn’t want to meet his gaze. The tension in the room is palpable. Bird glowers at Luka and says resentfully “I came in with a cough … and you sent me out a cripple”. Oh, this is so not going to be an easy storyline. He shoots Luka a look before turning to head out. Luka watches him as he angrily crumples up the paper towel then goes over to the trashcan and tries to slam dunk it, but misses. With his back to the camera, Bird sees the towel hit the floor, and his shoulders slump a little, before he lifts his head looking skyward with a “that’s just perfect” gesture, before forcefully opening up the door and exiting. As the door shuts, Luka closes his eyes for a second, like he’s dreading what’s to come. As he opens them, contemplating that he feels pretty … oh so pretty … he feels pretty and witty and bright … and he pities anyone who isn’t him tonight … we slam in to funky opening graphics.

After commercial, Pratt is going over the board with a slightly overwhelmed-looking Abby. Sam comes up behind Abby, smiling and saying “Hey, stranger! Welcome back!” and Abby thanks her. As she walks away, Sam tells Abby that she wants to see pictures. And you’d best be talking about snapshots of MoJo and not photographs of The Pretty, Sam. Passion killer, you’re too much. Pratt looks at Abby and clears his throat pointedly, continuing where he left off. Abby crosses her arms and grins at Pratt, the no-nonsense Attending. Now Ray interrupts, telling Abby how embarrassed he is about not getting around to wrapping her baby gift as he holds up a cute black long-sleeved onesie with a red electric guitar on the front, which Abby of course thinks is great, because my baby wants to Rock ‘n Roll … all night, and party every day. Put another dime in the jukebox, baby … and rock on with your bad self, MoJo. Pratt, who’s trying to be all official, is annoyed and says sharply “Ray” and does a sweeping gesture to the board to show him that he’s bothering them. Abby thanks Ray, who walks away, and she and Pratt turn back to the board as Pratt once again goes on. Once again he is stopped, this time by Intern Tony Gates, aka John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House, but after reading comments he’s made in interviews and considering his unrestrained unmistakable undying admiration for himself, I shall forever after refer to him as “Uncle Ego”. Uncle Ego tells Pratt that he dispo’d Mr. Kerosene to psych. Well, this is Chicago, so is that like Mr. Cellophane, Uncle Ego? ‘Cause, you know, you can look right through him … walk right by him … and never know he’s there … Abby asks Uncle Ego if the guy drank kerosene, but Pratt says it was more like a “high colonic” … Yuck, Mr. Kerosene. If you would just add some fiber to your diet, you wouldn’t have to resort to sticking flammables into your unmentionables. Though I do understand the temptation … My stomach is much flatter since I’ve been doing the colon cleansing … Uncle Ego, who knows Abby’s name already, introduces himself. She starts to say “Didn’t you use to be ...?” A flaming asshole? ‘Cause he still is, Abby. Though I guess that could describe Mr. Kerosene, too … Uncle Ego jumps in “… a paramedic”, then informs her that now he’s an Intern and Pratt grumbles that next week he wants to be a cowboy. Oh, like Kid Rock? … Call him Hoss, he’s the Boss, with the sauce in the horse … Uncle Ego corrects him “astronaut”. Well then, take your protein pills and put your helmet on, Major Ego … We hear some muffled yelling as Sad Cop from The Human Shield, comes in with a burly bearded blood-soaked guy, holding his mouth and bitching incoherently. Sad Cop’s sporting a buzz cut that is almost as short as the one the only other cop we see anymore on this show, Officer Former Buzz Cut, used to have. He calls over that he could use a little help. Gee, Office Krupke, you’re really a slob … this boy don’t need a Doctor, just a good honest job … Handing Pratt a plastic food container, Sad Cop explains that it’s “half his tongue on ice”. Yikes. Nasty. Pratt asks how it happened and Sad Cop says that the wife bit it off. Well, it could have been worse, Half-Tongue … she could have gone all Lorena and Bobbited you … Staring at the plastic holder a little repulsed, because everyone knows that Tupperware seals much better, Abby wants to know why she did that, as Half-Tongue is still griping with his fist in his mouth. Sad Cop said that the wife said Half-Tongue talks too much. Hee. She was probably just trying to improve your speech, Half-Tongue. And you know the old saying “he who speaks with forked tongue” … told us there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq … Pratt leads Sad Cop and Half-Tongue to Curtain Two, telling Ray to come with him, Abby to grab some charts, and for Uncle Ego to go with Abby. Abby goes over to the chart rack and grabs one as Uncle Ego says “cunnilingus interruptus”. Oh, no … go blow and forgo the innuendo, Ego, you wacko. Have you met Neela’s med student Phoebe? You two would get along so well … She knows all about men not paying the bill for dinner beneath the bridge … And both of you apparently know nothing about appropriate workplace conversations with your supervisors … Abby sort of duck-lips, and looks over at him dubiously, because since she’s living with the Croatian Sensation she is apparently not familiar with any term that ends in “interruptus” … Bitch … And speaking of The Pretty, I’m thinking he’d probably not take too kindly to you discussing this subject with his BabyMama, Uncle Ego … Uncle Ego goes on that they did “Grand Rounds” on it last year, and Abby justifiably just ignores him, reads the chart and says “Abdominal fullness … this isn’t too bad”, then heads off.

As they walk over to the Curtain Area, Uncle Ego congratulates Abby on the baby and adds “It’s a boy, right?”, as Abby glances over, grins and answers “Yup”. And … Hello, Abby’s only-nanoseconds-ago-non-existent-earrings! Jeez … this show really needs a better Continuity Supervisor … I could do that … it would go hand-in-hand with my new job at the databank … continually supervising and following Luka … Sigh … Abby starts checking a rather grey-looking, out-of-it old guy’s belly, telling Uncle Ego to check the BP and asking Old Grey how he’s feeling. Uncle Ego thinks it must be weird for Abby coming back after all this time, and she abstractedly admits “A little bit”. Abby and her small hoop earring continue to palpate Old Grey’s abdomen. Uncle Ego says “70 palp” as Abby feels an abdominal mass and they quickly put up the sides to Old Grey’s gurney, Abby grabs the IV and they start to move him. As they pass Sam and Ray, Abby tells Sam that “this guy’s hypotensive”. Sam’s all “What?”, and helping them push the gurney to Trauma Yellow says that Old Grey’s vitals were normal at triage. Uncle Ego says “not anymore”. Abby calls for a second line and four of O neg and Sam asks what labs she wants. Abby passes that over to Uncle Ego, who spouts off some stuff. Abby says “Good, but add an EKG and let’s get Surgery in on this”. Uncle Ego asks Abby if she thinks it’s an abdominal aortic aneurysm and Abby says that it’s a classic presentation for a Triple A. Sam wonders if it burst, but Abby says that Old Grey would be dead so it’s probably just a steady leak. She tells them to set up for ultrasound. Uncle Ego says that he’ll have to call Radiology for that, but Abby says she’s talking about the ER ultrasound. Sam says that it’s still out for repair. Taken aback, Abby starts to ask “Well, how are we supposed to …?” but Uncle Ego, practicing his “interruptus” again, chimes in kind of condescendingly “Radiology brings one over”. Abby wants to know how long that takes and Uncle Ego again patronizes “It depends on how busy they are”. Smiling, Abby says sarcastically “Wow, great to be back” as she takes her stethoscope to listen to Old Grey’s chest. Sam says that the pressure is up to 90 with the saline. Uncle Ego thinks it looks like Old Grey is okay and tells Abby that he’ll call for her ultrasound. He heads over to the phone, and as he’s waiting for Radiology to pick up, he asks Abby “So, what’s the Big Guy doing today? Watching the baby?” Still listening to Old Grey, Abby answers “No. He’s in court” as we cut to:

Luka and Power Tie sitting at the Defense Table looking intently over towards the witness stand. Female Lawyer is asking Bird what made him go to the ER on February 13, 2004. Bird quietly responds “Because I had a cough” and that his boss brought him in. Smiling sort of shyly and appearing meek, Bird laughs off that he thought it was nothing but his boss didn’t want him working until he got it checked out. As we move into a:

Bird Flashback: And we know that it’s a flashback because the colors are kind of washed out and not as vivid as in present-day scenes. Though if they really wanted to do “flashback” properly, they should have just had Luka and Bird pull a Wayne and Garth and wave their hands up and down in front of their faces going “diddle-a-doo … diddle-a-doo … diddle-a-doo” signaling the switch into the past … Bird is at triage with a digital thermometer in his mouth asking how long the wait is as an abrupt Chuny tells him to please not talk. Thermometer beeps and Chuny removes it. Bird asks her how long until he sees the doctor, and Chuny answers dismissively “I don’t know. Could be 12 hours”. Bird laughs incredulously at this, which causes him to start coughing. Chuny thinks that 12 is good, and that they’re not that busy. Bird’s boss, who is standing behind him, tells him that it’s okay and he’ll get someone to cover for him. Bird protests that he can work. He asks Chuny if he can just sign in and come back later tonight. Shrugging, Chuny tells him imperiously that he’ll lose his place in line. Bird smiles disbelievingly and asks “So I just sit here in the Waiting Room for 12 hours”. Chuny snippily tells him that’s how it works, then saying that she’ll be right back, gets up and walks away. Bird stands up and tells Boss that this seems kind of crazy and why doesn’t he just come back and get checked tomorrow. Boss apologetically tells him that he’s got insurance issues and needs a note that Bird is not contagious. Bird pleads with him to not give the job away, and that he’s going to be there tomorrow. We go back to:

The Courtroom. Power Tie is asking Luka when he first saw Bird. Luka explains that he was working at the Admit Desk when he signed in at triage. Switch to:

Recollections of The Pretty: Luka, attired in scrubs, which is never a good sign for him, and a long sleeved gray thermal shirt underneath, is working on the laptop at Admit. Guess you had to wear the thermals because this was around the time that you first hooked up with Sam, and she’s not exactly known for her warmth, eh, Luka? But … he’s got charm, he’s got style, he’s got a dozen girls … He’s alright, and he don’t care, he’s got thermal underwear … Luka looks up as he hears an annoyed Bird asking how long until he sees a doc. We hear a much more Chuny-like response “It’s hard to say, sir. If you’re stable it could be up to 12 hours”. Bird gripes “Hours?!?!” Chuny tells him that they have a lot of sick people there, and we can see that triage is full. Coughing, a piqued Bird tells her to just let him sign in and he’ll come back tonight. Chuny apologizes and tells him that they can’t do that. Bird bitches “So I’ve got to wait in the Waiting Room for 12 hours?!?!” Chuny excuses herself, saying that she’ll be right back. Bird stands up forcefully, knocking his chair into the wall and complaining to Boss that he can’t do this. Chuny goes over to Luka at Admit, who is watching Bird. Luka asks her if everything’s okay, and she assures him that Bird will settle down. Luka doesn’t look convinced. Bird demands that Boss not give the job away and that he’ll be there. Back to:

Luka on the stand, explaining that a lot of patients get angry about the wait and that Chuny was able to diffuse the situation before it escalated, as we see Bird, sitting at the Defense Table, shaking his head at what he obviously thinks is a lie.

Abby, still sporting the enchanted earrings, has intubated Old Grey, and apologizes to Uncle Ego that he can do the next one. He tells her that Old Grey has good breath sounds and “you haven’t lost your touch”. Ooh, I’d watch it if I were you, Uncle Ego. You’re lucky “The Big Guy” isn’t there to hear you talking about Abby’s “touch”-ing anything. Sam says that the BP’s 80 and Abby bitches that she needs the ultrasound. Uncle Ego tells her that Radiology is doing a rule-out ectopic. Abby wants to know where Surgery is, and Sam points to Phoebe in the Curtain Area and says that their med student is right there. Abby doesn’t think that’s doing them any good, and Sam protests that she’s paged them twice and moves over to bag Old Grey as Abby adjusts the tube. Lowering her voice, Abby cautiously asks Sam “Listen … How did it go yesterday?” Sam doesn’t know what Abby’s talking about, so she explains, concerned, “Court … I heard you had to testify?” Sam gets it and shrugs off that it was fine and there were a lot of questions about procedure and policy, but she doesn’t think they have a case. Uncle Ego sing-songs, and “Here come the calvary …”, of course mispronouncing “cavalry”, unless he’s having some sort of religious conversion experience and is starting the “Church of Ego”. He already worships at his own feet. Busting through the doors is this year’s Resident Surgical Chief asshole, Dustin Crenshaw, otherwise known as Moby, for his scalp’s resemblance to the bald singer. Moby, who shields supplanting his own supercilious sacrosanct sect, as the way of the dick is all powerful and will not be usurped by wannabes, loftily lobs, “Enlighten me”. Neela and Phoebe follow him into Trauma Yellow. Abby tells him “hypotensive” and that Old Grey’s anatomy shows a pulsatile abdominal mass. Moby tells her to “say no more” and calls for Old Grey to be redlined to the OR. Abby throws a look over at Moby as Uncle Ego says that they are waiting on ultrasound. Moby disdainfully corrects him “Wrong!” Uncle Ego’s confused “We’re not waiting on ultrasound”. As he grabs the IV, Moby smugly asks Neela to explain what happens when they wait for diagnostic tests on a ruptured Triple A. Neela asserts, kind of haughtily, because she’s a surgeon now and pomposity is part of the training, that “Attempts to stabilize are fruitless. Investigations delay definitive therapy and increase the risks of exsanguinations”, as Phoebe chimes in “with a 90% mortality”. Sam tells them that the crit’s not so bad, it’s 32. Moby thinks that’s meaningless drivel. As she continues to bag Old Grey, Abby asks “What if it’s not a Triple A?”, but Moby thinks that it’s then something else that will require surgery. Uncle Ego says that Radiology is bringing over the ultrasound now, but Neela says “He’ll be dead by then”. I don’t think I’ve had to say this before, but … Shut up, Neela! I think I might have liked your Season 11 wibbling a bit better than this Season 13 windbagging … Abby raises her eyebrows at Neela and Uncle Ego tries to get them to wait by telling him it will just be a few seconds. Moby tells him “Just zip, Sparky”, which doesn’t seem to sit well with The Ego, because Moby neglected to put the “Uncle” before the nickname … Abby glances between Neela and Moby, then shares a look with Uncle Ego like “WTF”, as Neela and Moby start to move Old Grey’s gurney. Since she’s in charge of whether Old Grey is still breathing or not, Abby has to walk along with them, so she grins wryly and cracks “Did you need me to keep bagging?” Moby patronizes “Sure. As long as you don’t talk”. Abby replies sarcastically “Oh .. by the way, Abby Lockhart … lovely to meet you”, as Neela glances over at her, amused. Moby puts his finger to his lips and “shhhh” ‘s her, and Abby frowns with a “who the hell is this jackass?” look.

Luka is still on the stand and Power Tie is asking him when he assumed responsibility for Bird’s care. Luka says that the nurse was concerned about Bird’s oxygen level so she asked Luka to see him. Switch back to:

LukaVision: Luka, still in the scrubs outfit, is walking down the hall looking at a chest x-ray and grimacing a bit. He calls out “Curtis Ames?” and looks around. He spots Bird in a hospital gown and lying on a gurney against the wall in the hallway, waving his pulse-ox’ed fingered right hand. Luka goes over to him and introduces himself. Luka is putting on gloves as an alarm starts beeping. Bird asks what that is and Luka says that it’s low oxygen and pushes a button on the monitor to reset it. Luka picks up Bird’s right hand and takes the pulse ox off, saying that it could just be dirty fingernails as he wipes of Bird’s fingers, then puts the sensor back on. Bird explains that it’s from his workshop and Luka asks what kind of work he does. Leaning forward so Luka can listen to his lungs, Bird answers “custom carpentry”, and he does stuff like doors, built-in bookshelves, adding “you name it” as Luka grins. As he puts the stethoscope in his ears, Luka tells Bird that his father had a woodshop when he was a kid and he used to play with the shavings from the lathe and that he loved the smell. Awww. How cute … Little Luka loved lumber … I guess that’s why he was so taken originally with Sam’s wooden son, Splinter … Bird starts coughing as Luka listens. Bird wants to know how it sounds, and Luka answers “Like pneumonia”, and tells Bird that he should be admitted to the hospital. Bird protests that he starts a custom remodel today, but Luka tells him that his temperature is 102, his oxygen level is down to 90 and the x-ray’s show that his right middle lobe is full of infection. Bird doesn’t say anything as he absorbs this. Luka explains to him that if he wants to get better, they need to give him IV antibiotics. He asks “Okay?” and pats Bird’s shoulder sympathetically. Bird looks away shaking his head, not happy with this news. Cut to:

Bird on the stand as Female Lawyer asks him that after Luka examined him, then what happened. A cynical Bird says that Luka left him alone with a nurse who couldn’t start an IV. Flashback to:

Bird’s Eye View: Chuny saying that this time she gets a “flash” and a patient Bird saying “That’s good, right?” Chuny tells him that it won’t thread, then apologizes and says for him to keep pressure on that. She asks brusquely if anyone’s ever told him that he has bad veins. Smiling, an accommodating Bird asks “How about you just give me a shot in the butt?” Chuny tells him snippily that antibiotics are ordered IV. Bird asks if he can talk to his doctor, but Chuny responds curtly that he’s with a trauma patient right now. Bird asks about after he’s done and Chuny absently tells him it could be a while. Setting up to stick him again, Chuny says “fourth time’s a charm”. Bird looks around and spots Luka leaning his right hand casually against Admit with his left on his hip, talking to Frank and looking at pictures, chuckling. As we head to:

Bird still on the stand as we hear Female Lawyer asking him how long it was before “Dr. Kovac” came to his bedside. Bird says that it was more than an hour. Bird testifies that he saw Luka working on the computer, then talking to some nurses, then smiling sadly and shaking his head like he still can believe it, he adds “Then … he had a bagel … with cream cheese… I think it was … poppy seed.” Yum. Addictive … literally … And I guess it’s a good thing you weren’t a druggie, like Carter, so you didn’t have to worry about Weaver springing random drug tests on you, Luka … ‘Cause apparently just one of those things can make you test positive … And more than that will just make you feel positive … And, OH … MY … GAWD … Female Lawyer is Janice from Friends!!! Sans nasally overloaded vocal intonations, that is. Janice asks Bird how that made him feel, as Power Tie objects because he thinks that’s irrelevant. Janice “on the contrary” ‘ s that and says that it goes to state of mind and Bird’s ability to make decisions. The beaky bespectacled balding bench-sitter overrules the objection and tells Bird that he may answer. Visibly upset and voice unsteady, Bird says that he felt “Alone … forgotten … like nobody there cared about me”. Camera switches to show the defendant’s table where Power Tie is looking down and writing on a legal pad, and Luka is drumming his fingers nervously, watching Bird and taking all of this in.

Up in Surgery, Abby, wearing the blue scrubs and cap and holding a mask up to her face with her right hand and standing with her left on her hip, is trying to get her point across to a totally not listening Moby and a skeptical Neela that Old Grey is a frail old man who deserves the benefit of diagnostic confirmation. OR Shirley is helping a scrubbed and sterile Moby into his surgical garb. Moby bitches to Abby that Old Grey is now on the Surgical Service and not the ER Service. He snottily tells her “Why don’t you go downstairs and pull a cockroach out of someone’s ear?” Better yet, Abby, why don’t you pull out that stick that Moby has permanently stuck up his ass, then beat him senseless with it. Since maternity leave has apparently softened Abby’s usual prickliness and she’s used to baby talk, she whines “Neela!” instead, but Neela more nicely tells her that Old Grey’s not stable. OR Shirley says that the BP’s 90 systolic as Abby protests that five minutes for an ultrasound is not going to kill him. Uncle Ego walks in similarly dressed in the surgeon blues and dragging an ultrasound machine behind him. Moby wants to know why they insist on annoying him. Oh, don’t worry, Moby … It’s not just you … They annoy everyone … Uncle Ego reiterates what Abby said that it will only take a few minutes, but Moby ignores them and walks over to the table, calling for a 10 blade and telling OR Shirley to call Security because he wants “these two out of my OR”. Abby reluctantly gives in and turns to leave, as Uncle Ego calls out cheekily “Nice working with you guys”. Neela tells Phoebe to do something that sounds like “Dab the leads”, and we hear some sort of electrical cracking sound. Moby asks for a bovie, then the surgical field, and Phoebe’s arms, ignite in flames. Chaos ensues as Moby yells for everyone to stand back, and Neela calls for “Irrigation! Saline!”, then dumps a pitcher that was on the instrument table onto the fire. Abby and Uncle Ego rush back into the room. Uncle Ego grabs a blanket and throws it over Phoebe’s hands to smother the flames, as Neela keeps dumping liquids onto the blaze and Moby barks out orders to unplug and shut everything off. Abby tosses a blanket over the burning instrument table as Neela douses Old Grey with yet another pitcher, this time managing to extinguish the fire. Everyone stands around looking at each other, probably trying to figure out what happened to Abby’s now missing earrings, as a monitor that was never shut off beeps incessantly.

Luka is on the stand and Power Tie is asking him what action he took when the nurses couldn’t start an IV. Luka replies that he knew he needed to place a catheter into a deep vein as we once again go to:

Kovac’s Kinescope: Luka comes over to an exasperated Bird, who is still on the gurney in the hallway, and asks how he’s doing. Bird holds up his hands grousing that he didn’t know that Luka had ordered acupuncture. A pretty woman who’s standing next to Bird’s bed introduces herself to Luka as “Sonja Ames”. Luka shakes hands with Mrs. Bird, who thanks him for taking care of Bird. Luka tells them that since they can’t get an IV into his arm, he’d like to place a central line under Bird’s collarbone. Bird, who is coughing pretty consistently, doesn’t like the sound of that, and thinks it’s “pretty involved”. Luka explains that they need a route to get the IV antibiotics in or else they can’t treat the pneumonia effectively. He goes through the procedure and how he’ll numb up Bird’s skin, and guide the catheter in at the top of his chest. He matter-of-factly states that there are risks of bleeding, infection, collapsed lung, but assures them that all of those can be treated. Mr. and Mrs. Bird look a little confounded and Bird says that he has to think about it. Mrs. Bird doesn’t think he does. Luka tells them that if they need some time to consider … But Mrs. Bird thinks Bird is just being stubborn and he hasn’t been to a doctor in 20 years. Wow, Bird. That’s impressive. I can’t go more than 20 minutes without seeing me some Pretty. Bird’s about to argue that, but then turns to Mrs. Bird and assures her “I never get sick, baby”. Mrs. Bird challenges him that he can barely catch his breath because he’s been coughing so much. He counters that it’s not that bad, as Luka looks a bit uncomfortable getting in the middle of this. Mrs. Bird tells Luka that she just wants Bird to do better and they’ll do whatever it takes. Luka hands them some paperwork and says that if he wants the procedure, he needs to sign the form. Bird eyes Luka a little suspiciously, but Mrs. Bird encourages him to sign it, saying “Come on, baby, I gotta get back to work”. Bird relents and signs, sighing. Luka and Mrs. Bird share a look as:

Back in the courtroom, Luka is stating that Bird didn’t want to be in the ER, and he didn’t like doctors so Luka felt he had to treat him aggressively. Switch to dueling testimonies:

Bird complaining that Luka said it was “the only way to go”. Back to:

Luka declaring that if Bird left, he was worried that he’d get worse and wouldn’t come back. Again to:

Bird asserting that Luka told him complications were extremely rare, and it was no big deal because Luka does these procedures every day. Cut to:

Luka saying Mrs. Bird works, Bird’s all alone …

Bird concluding that his opinion didn’t matter …

Luka thinking if Bird took pills, he could have died at home and no one would know …

Bird believing Luka gave his wife and him no other options, no other choices … Looking a bit fragile, Bird admits both he and his wife were really scared …

People are exiting out of the courtroom. Iman walks out with Luka and Power Tie behind her. She turns to Luka and asks if he wants them to grab him a sandwich. He tells her “no, thanks”. She and Power Tie walk away as the Pensive Piano Piece of Problematic Predicaments for Pouting Pretties plays and Luka slowly saunters towards a bench in the hallway. Unbuttoning his suit jacket with his left hand and reaching into its pocket with his right, Luka sits down, taking out what looks like Abby’s red cell phone. Leaning his elbows on his knees and looking kind of sad, Luka dials the phone. I suppose he’s calling Carter now. Putting his left hand up to his forehead and sighing, and raising and lowering his feet distractedly, Luka anxiously waits for the connection as the hallway clears out. When it’s answered, he says “Hey, Timmy …Um … Is Abby around?” Listening to the answer and looking dejected, Luka then sighs loudly and sounding disappointed and trailing off at the end he says, “No, no … if she’s … in Surgery … then … don’t bother … That’s okay … I’ll try later … thanks …” Awww … Luka seems really disheartened that he wasn’t able to talk to Abby. He looks so downcast and crestfallen … and in dire need of some pampering in the Salon with the most indulgent royal body treatment – a complete moisturizing nourishing rejuvenating exfoliating body treatment complimented by a scalp, face and body massage … Bitch … Luka clicks the phone shut and glances around the hall, seeing that he’s all alone. And he looks like that’s exactly how he feels right now – all alone. And though I do feel badly for him, I have to say that lonely languishing lugubrious lovesick Luka looks lushly lavishly luxuriously lovely …

Abby walks out of the ICU where we see Moby, Neela and Old Grey. She knowingly tells a waiting Uncle Ego “tricuspid regurg” and he comments “Ah, the irony … a bad heart valve”, as they both look into the room. Abby says that it left Old Grey with right sided failure and a big pulsating liver. Uncle Ego asks “So the mass was his liver?” and Abby answers scowling and rolling her eyes that the fire saved him from unnecessary surgery. As they start walking down the hall, Uncle Ego thinks that Old Grey was a lucky guy because a “slightly scorched med student” and some burned drapes saved his life. Oh, yeah, Uncle Ego, I’m sure Flambé-d Phoebe would appreciate the humor at her expense. Abby stares over at the phone at the ICU desk, and excuses herself from Uncle Ego and goes over. She picks up the handset with her right hand, starts to bring it up to her ear, hesitates, goes to put it back on the cradle, raises it again a little, then down, stops, turning slightly with her left hand up to her face, duck-lipping and then rubbing her mouth, debating something. She picks it up again as Uncle Ego watches all this with interest, then asks her if she forgot how to use the thing. She’s probably contemplating calling the AWOL Adornment Agency to track down her missing baubles, Uncle Ego. She hangs up the phone, turns and crosses her arms as she walks away and he catches up. She tells him that it’s just that she doesn’t want to be one of those “crazy mothers who checks in with the babysitter every hour”. Hee. Uncle Ego quips that his babysitter used to tie him to his highchair. Well, that may not have been part of your plan, but don’t mess around with the Demolition Man, Uncle Ego. Abby looks over at him, slightly alarmed, and as he passes her, he professes that he’s sure hers is much better. Nice, Uncle Asshole. Needling nervous newly nesting nursing nurturers needlessly provokes perpetual persistent pummeling pernicious pestilent punsters. I so want Abby to ask Uncle Ego “Have you ever been bitch-slapped?” … and then proceed to demonstrate. Abby doesn’t look very comforted as she follows.

As Luka sits at the Defendant’s Table with his hands clasped and listening to the testimony, we hear Janice ask Bird how long he was in the ER after his first dose of antibiotics. And there seems to be another lawyer-type, a curly-haired woman, sitting on the other side of Luka. So I guess Luka has a team of attorneys, and not just Power Tie. Jeez … Luka’s got so many lawyers lined up to see him, you’d think he had tobacco leaking out of his breast implants … Bird thinks about his answer, then says it was a long time … over three days. Both Janice and I can’t believe that. She looks at the jury, shaking her head and saying, “Three days … in the ER”, as she walks over to stand by the twelve. Bird says that he was told there were no other beds in the hospital as we cut to:

Bird’s Bijou: Bird, still on the gurney in the hallway, grabs a passing nurse and tells her that he needs to use the bathroom. Passing tells him that she’ll let his nurse know and keeps going. Bird tries to stop her saying that he doesn’t think he’ll be able to … as she cuts him off snotting that she said she’d let his nurse know. Bird protests that it’s kind of urgent, but she’s already gone. As the scene shifts to the camera panning over patients sleeping in the beds crowded into the Curtain Area at nighttime, we hear Janice in voiceover saying “So you stayed in the hall … all that time”. As we spot an uncomfortable Bird shifting around in a bed, trying to get some rest, we hear him say that they put him “in the back” at night so he could try to get some sleep. A loud, belligerent patient strapped to a gurney is being pushed by a nurse and some paramedics to show just how unconducive to a restful night the ER is. Bird tells us that “they” kept saying he’d get a real room after the first day, but it never happened. Back in the hallway, Bird is trying to get Chuny’s attention. He tells her that he never got his breakfast and she huffily says that he may be NPO. Bird asks what that is but Chuny continues writing on a chart and never looking up, tells him that she’d have to look at his orders. Damn, Bird. What did you to make Chuny such a bitch? She wasn’t even this nasty when she was circulating the petition against Luka after he relegated her to “one-night-stand” status back in Season 9. Guess he did that because you missed your midterms and flunked shampoo, huh, Chuny? Bird asks Chuny where Luka is, and she answers dismissively that Luka isn’t working today. Bird wants to know who his doctor is then and Chuny sighs all put upon “I’ll have to check” and walks away. Back to:

Luka on the stand explaining that every 12 hours an oncoming Resident assumed the responsibility for Bird’s care. He sounds a little edgy as he states that Bird’s progress was discussed and he was improving. As the camera pans the faces of the jury, Janice asks if it was the nurses who were watching him more closely and Luka answers “Yes”. Reading some notes, Janice affirms that the state recommends an ER patient-to-nurse ratio of 4 to 1 yet during Bird’s stay the ratio was 8 to 1, as Luka licks his lips and looks like he’s steeling himself for the provocation that Iman and Power Tie warned him would be coming. Janice unnecessarily and a little patronizingly tells the jury “That’s eight patients for every nurse”. Janice wants to know how that is even possible. A little defensive, Luka doesn’t think they can control how many patients come into the ER. Janice admonishes that he knows that those standards are in place for patients’ safety and on a day when the standards were off by a factor of 100%, she wants to know if he discussed this with the hospital administrator, as Luka grits his teeth and shakes his head “no”, and looks down. Janice continues “With the Director of Nursing?” Luka tries to interject “No, no, it’s not uncommon …” as Janice talks over him “With the Nurse Manager?” Luka protests that they are always short-staffed as Ames glares at him. Janice asks if Luka brought this “deficiency” to anyone’s attention, or do anything to address the situation. Luka glances over at Bird, before reluctantly answering that it doesn’t work like that, and looking a bit uneasy.

Sam is holding an emesis basin for a woman puking up blood. Lovely. Pratt and Abby burst into the Exam Room as Sam explains that Blood Puker has a history of Crohn’s Disease and has vomited blood twice. Abby moves behind Sam to check the pressure and Pratt moves to the other side of the bed. Abby says that the systolic is 88 as Pratt lowers the head of the bed and calls for two liters of saline and to type and cross for four. Abby puts on gloves and asks Blood Puker if there’s anyone they can call. She tells them to call Dr. Darenson, and Sam adds that he’s from Gastroenterology and that she’s already paged him. Abby nods and asks “What about a family member?”, but Blood Puker says it’s just her son and her. Writing on her chart, Pratt asks where he is and she says that he’s a sophomore in college in Oregon. Abby examines Blood Puker’s belly, which has a pretty nasty long vertical scar on it, as Sam says that they can call her son and she’s sure he’d want to know, but Blood Puker says that she’s in the hospital a lot. Abby tells her that her condition is pretty serious, but Blood Puker thinks that’s what they always say. A skinny Ruben Studdard-looking doctor comes in asking “Upper GI bleed?” and Pratt tells him that it sure looks like it as he comes over to the bed and asks Blood Puker how she’s doing. She seems glad to see him and apologizes for bothering him. He assures her it’s alright and asks if she has any blood in her stool and Blood Puker nods. Sam tells him that Blood Puker didn’t mention that. Ruben clarifies “Red blood?”, and Blood Puker answers affirmatively. Abby asks if he wants to do an endoscopy here or in the GI lab. Ruben asks Blood Puker “Excuse us for a minute” and motions to Abby and Pratt to follow. They go stand near the door, out of earshot and Ruben is about to speak, when Timmy the desk clerk, who I think looks like Usher, comes in and tells Pratt that he’s got a call on Line 2 from a guy who says he’s Pratt’s brother. Pratt tells him to take a message. As they’re about to confer, Usher adds, “And hey … Dr. Lockhart? Big Daddy called while you were upstairs”. Big Daddy … Hee … Abby tells him “thanks” as Ruben says that he can’t scope Blood Puker. Abby doesn’t understand why not, so Ruben explains that Crohn’s can cause inflammation or erosion anywhere along the intestinal tract. Abby chews on her bottom lip as Pratt adds that there’s “25 feet of possibilities” as he hands Ruben the chart. Ruben tells Abby that it’s not something he can reach and she needs surgical exploration. Sam says she’ll call the OR and heads over to the phone as Ruben leaves and Pratt and Abby moves back to the bed. Blood Puker wants to know what the good news is and Pratt tells her that they are going to move her to a different room as he and Abby raise the beds siderails. Pratt tells her that it looks like she needs an operation. Blood Puker’s all “Again???” As they move her, Abby thinks maybe it’s time to call her son, but Blood Puker says that he’s got midterms now.

Luka testifies that on the afternoon of Bird’s third day in the hospital he complained of numbness in the left hand. As Power Tie asks Luka what his impression was we move to:

The Pretty Perspective: Luka is tapping Bird’s arms with a reflex hammer and asking “How long did it last?” Bird answers “About 10 minutes”. Luka holds out the index and middle fingers of each hand, pointing down, and asks Bird to squeeze them. If you’re not interested in this part of the exam, I could take over for you, Bird. Though there are other appendages of Luka’s that I’d rather be squeezing … Just saying … Bird reaches out, grabs Luka’s fingers and squeezes, and Luka says “okay”. He asks Bird to spread out the fingers of his hand, then takes them and tells Bird not to let him close them. Luka says “good” and grabs a swab and runs it down both of Bird’s hands as Bird asks him what he thinks could have happened. Luka thinks it could have been a number of things and asks Bird how it feels now and if it’s back to normal. Looking a little discouraged, Bird admits “Yeah … I guess so …” Luka asks if it feels the same on both sides, and Bird lifts his left hand saying it feels “kind of weird”. Camera moves to a close-up showing Luka wearing a tie, really pale blue shirt with white stripes and a black sweater under his labcoat. Yum. Luka tells Bird that he probably compressed a nerve on his left side. Bird bitches that he’s slept on floors more comfortable than this bed. Luka says “Here, let me take care of that” and moves over to the phone. Leaning against the wall, he calls “Bed Control” and says that he needs a Med-Surg bed for his patient, as we cut to:

Janice asking Bird when the numbness returned, and Bird replies that it was about three hours later. Janice wants to know if there was something different about this episode, as we go to:

Ames’ Angle: Bird complaining to Chuny that he didn’t have any feeling for half an hour. An unsympathetic Chuny states more than asks “But you’re okay now?” as she strokes his left hand. Bird says that it’s worse, but up higher and asks where Luka is. Chuny dismisses that Luka checked and said that Bird was okay. Bird protests that he’s not okay and he needs to talk to Luka. Chuny blows him off “Not right now” and Bird wants to know “Why? Where is he?” As she listens to his chest, Chuny snippily says that Luka is taking care of a patient with a heart attack. Bird looks over and spots Luka walking beside a paramedic-driven gurney. Bird wants Chuny to tell Luka to come see him, but Chuny dispatches “When he’s through”. As Bird gets more agitated, the Overdramatic Overture of Outraged Overwrought Overwhelmed Ornithologic Outcasts opens. He insists “No, no … Now!” Chuny scowls at him and snidely says that there are people in this ER much sicker than he is and need attention. Bird is done with this and starts to get up out of bed. Chuny tries to stop him as he pulls the pulse ox off and grabs his IV stand saying that if Luka won’t come see him, then he’s going to go see Luka. Chuny tells him to get back in the bed but Bird keeps walking and demands that something is seriously wrong and he needs to talk to his doctor. Chuny tells him that she needs him back on the monitor and calls over to Frank to help her get Bird back in bed. Frank steps in front of Bird with his hands up telling Bird to take it easy. Galled, Bird frantically yells “Take it easy?! You people have been ignoring me for three days”, as Luka glances over at this scene from Trauma Yellow. Bird shouts “No one will tell me what’s going on! Nobody gives a damn about my care!” and trying to push past Frank, fumes “No one will even talk to me!” His frustration escalating and getting more out of control, Bird keeps going “How am I supposed to take it easy!” and spotting Luka rants “I’m not sitting down until my doctor does what he’s supposed to do!!!” Luka’s working on his patient and not taking notice of what’s going on. Bird suddenly stops, collapsing to the floor, as Frank grabs him to cushion the fall and Chuny yells for help. Chuny pleads with Bird to open his eyes and Frank shouts for a gurney, as the camera switches to Luka in the Trauma Room, glancing up.

After break, Luka is rushing towards the Curtain Area, holding his stethoscope with his left hand to keep it from flying off his neck, and calling Bird’s name. He leans over Bird and asks him to look at him, as Chuny lifts Bird’s left arm and drops it, pointing out to Luka how limply it just falls back onto the bed. Chuny tells him that Bird had a stroke. Luka takes out a pen and runs it up Bird’s left foot, saying “Up-going toe”. Frank comes over and tells Luka that CT can take Bird now. Luka lifts the siderails to the gurney and tells Frank , “Okay, we’re on our way” and they start to move him. As the camera moves in on Bird’s face and fixed gaze, we hear Luka saying “We recognized the stroke … “. Pull back to showing Luka and Chuny moving the bed as Luka continues “ … immediately moved him for close-monitoring … and had him to CT as soon as possible”. Change to:

Bird on the stand claiming that from what he can remember, it was pretty chaotic. Cut to:

Bird’s Bias: Bird lying on the bed and Chuny taking his vitals, asking Luka pointedly “Why should this guy have a stroke?” A worked up Luka holds up his hands and angrily says to her “I have no idea!” He moves his left index finger agitatedly in front of Bird’s eyes, asking him to follow it. Bird’s gaze is fixed to the right and he’s breathing fast, afraid. Luka is yelling at Bird to look over towards him on the left, even snapping his fingers and insisting “Over here!” We see Luka and Chuny from Bird’s unfocused view and muffled hearing, leaning over him. Luka barks out to Frank to get Bird a monitored bed, but Frank tells him there aren’t any. A flustered Luka uncertainly stammers to move him to Trauma Two then. Chuny says something that I don’t catch because Bird’s not hearing too well right now. Switch to showing Bird panting. Luka shouts to move him to CT, but Frank grumbles that they’re backed up for a half hour. We hear a frenzied Luka shouting agitatedly “Where can we put him???” Man, Bird’s really painting Luka as coming unglued, which is so far from the Luka we’ve seen in emergency situations. Chuny heatedly says that she’ll see what she can find. Close-up on Bird shaking and looking scared as we hear Luka asking Frank for the chart. Frank says he’s looking for it and calls out to Chuny questioning where it is, but she defensively retorts that she never saw it, as Bird looks more and more terrified.

Abby and Sam are in Trauma Green with Blood Puker. Pratt comes in and asks where the hell Surgery is. Abby says that Moby called and says that the patient is not a candidate for anesthesia until the systolic is up to 80. Pratt says “Alright, so let’s tank her up”. As Abby places a cord into the femoral artery, she tells Pratt that she had another idea, then winces like she’s in pain saying quietly “Oh, man” and pulling her upper arms in tighter towards her chest while she continues the procedure. Uncle Ego comes in looking for the pocket Doppler and I really do not need to know what kind of frequency wave shift you want to be observing in your pocket, Uncle Ego … Ugh … Sam tells him it’s in the top drawer by the sink. Abby asks Pratt “What about an intra-aortic balloon?” Uncle Ego’s all interested and asks if Blood Puker’s in heart failure, but Pratt bitchily says that it’s a GI bleed. Abby looks up at Pratt, not getting the negativity and thinking he’s bitching at her, ands questions, “What? We inflate the balloon in the chest and completely cut off the blood supply to the abdomen”, as she grimaces even harder now. Pratt tells her she can’t. Still flinching, Abby says “damn it”, hunching her shoulders up a bit as I chuckle because I’m starting to realize what might be happening to her. Uncle Ego asks Pratt “Why not?” because he thinks it’s a great idea. Pratt berates him that it’s not his patient and tells him “adios”. Uncle Ego leaves, but not before getting his two cents in that it could be a publishable case report. Abby insists to Pratt that it’s a non-invasive way to occlude the aorta and it will stop the bleeding. Abby winces again, and turns away from the table, exclaiming “Oh, crap!”, then keeps repeating it. Sam looks over at her concerned and questions “What?” Ripping off her gloves, Abby turns back around, holding her arms in front her chest, and glancing quickly over at Sam, asks “Pratt, can you come with me?”, and heads out. Pratt hands a bewildered Sam the chart and follows. At the door, and still with her arms crossed over her chest, Abby tells Sam to order 4 units of red cells, one of FFP and a ten pack of platelets. Not uncrossing her arms and using her backside to open the door, Abby tells Sam they’ll be right back.

Abby’s walking quickly down the hall with her arms still folded. Pratt catches up with her and asks “What is this? Some sort of post-partum power trip?” Hee. Turning to look at him, Abby forcefully maintains that the aortic balloon will work, as Pratt grabs her and they stop short, keeping her from walking into a gurney that is rounding the corner. Pratt thinks it’s an unproven therapy as they keep going. Abby asks incredulously if he’d rather let Blood Puker bleed to death, but Pratt says he’d rather have the surgeons take her up to the OR. Abby bitches that it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen and wants to know what his problem is with the balloon. Pratt says that it cuts off all the circulation to the bowels, kidneys and legs, and that everything could die from the chest down, as they head into the lounge. He wants to know what they’re doing in there. Going to her locker, which has three unrecognizable photos taped to it, Abby ignores this question to chide him “You know, you used to be such a cowboy” and she doesn’t understand why this is such a big deal. Pratt responds “I don’t agree with you”, probably because he thinks he’s an astronaut, too. Opening her locker, Abby sing-song’s crowingly that Uncle Ego thinks it will work. Pratt scoffs that Uncle Ego is a “knucklehead who would defibrillate with a car battery and some jumper cables”. Abby doesn’t answer that, probably because she’s harboring a secret mechanic fixation and is considering stopping at Pep Boys after her shift to pick up some overalls and drive-shaft, u-joint and body-buffing tools so she and Luka can play Customer and her Grease Monkey, having him check under her hood and give her a full body diagnostic … Bitch … Pratt declares that he’s the Attending, and “the buck stops here”. He tells her that if there’s a bad outcome, let Surgery be to blame for not showing up on time as Abby unzips the backpack she got from her locker and placed on the bench. Abby starts pulling out a breast milk collection bottle with funnel thingy, and some tubing as she asks Pratt “So you’d just let her die?” Pratt just doesn’t want to be the guy who kills her with some crazy-ass therapy. Abby tears off her labcoat, sighing, and leveling with Pratt says “Look this is her last chance, she’s pre-arrest”, as she pulls her shirttails out of her pants, then starts to unbutton her blouse continuing “I mean, if her pressure continues to drop despite massive transfusions …” Pratt says that then maybe he’d consider as he realizes what Abby’s doing, but doesn’t get why she’s doing it and is like, “Whoa … whoa … What are you doing???” Abby’s all exasperated “I’m pumping” and adding a sarcastic “Sorry” and looking at him a little wide-eyed crazily, she emphatically declares “My boobs are about to explode”. … Hee … The look on her face was hilarious … and so true … And I am so with you on the not being the least bit sorry, Abby. Because badly bursting boobs better bashfulness, perfectly predominating Pratt’s poorly perceived peacefulness. Abby sits down and starts the pump and we hear the whirring sound of the pistons moving. She turns around to look pointedly at Pratt, who’s just standing there. Taking the hint, Pratt turns to leave as Abby adjusts the seat closer to the milking machine. At the door, Pratt peeks back at Abby, raising his eyebrows and looking amused before finally exiting. Hee.

Power Tie, Luka and Curly Hair are at the Defense Table. Luka has his head down and glances up at the Witness Box as Janice asks Bird when his wife arrived. Bird says she got that right after the CAT scan and by then he could talk again. Cut to:

Bird’s Beeline: Close-up of The Pretty looking at Bird’s CT. He says “looks okay”, glancing quickly over at Mr. and Mrs. Bird and tries to grin at them reassuringly, but it comes off as nervous. He goes back to examining the film as Bird glares at him with a “How can you possibly say that?” look and spits out with difficulty “I … s … s… still can’t move my arm … and … leg”. Still looking at the scan, Luka shrugs saying there’s no mass, no bleeding, and that’s good. Mrs. Bird wants to know why Bird had a stroke. Lowering the films, Luka looks at her and explains that it was probably a blood clot in the brain artery. That doesn’t show up on the CT? What about an MRI or something? … Luka hesitatingly says that there is something they can try. Bird looks at him with a mixture of hope and apprehension and asks “Wh … what should I do?” Luka thinks that TPA could probably dissolve the clot. Bird wants him to clarify “Y … y … you’re saying … that could work? That I mi … mi … I can get better? ... Right???” Luka backpedals a bit saying that there is some chance of recovery … 30% of the time. He adds that there is full recovery … 10% of the time. Stunned, Bird doesn’t know what to say and looks over at his wife. She holds his hand and tells him that they’ve got to do something. Bird considers, then asks Luka about the side-effects. Luka admits there’s a 10% chance of bleeding in the brain, causing more disability and death. Dismayed and disbelieving, Bird chokes out “10% chance of recovery??? T … t … ten percent chance of death???” Mrs. Bird wants to know what happens if they don’t use the drug. Luka thinks there could be some improvement with time and physical therapy, but probably not a full recovery. Bird puts his head back on his pillow and laughs bitterly before addressing Luka and stuttering out that he’s been in this hospital long enough to know that if something can go wrong it … He holds up his hand and adamantly exclaims, crying, “I don’t want it”. Luka looks down abashedly, but licking his lips lusciously as we go back to:

Power Tie asking Luka what he recalls of Bird’s reaction to Luka’s recommendation of TPA. Luka states deliberately that he brought in Dr. Saunders, a neurologist, to try to explain Bird’s options in an objective manner. Cut to:

Luka’s Looky-loo: Dr. Saunders is laying out for Bird that the side-effects averages are for all patients, even ones in their seventies or eighties. Luka interjects that Bird’s risk of bleeding is much less given his age and the fact that it’s been only 90 minutes since the onset of symptoms. You should listen to him, Bird. This is the same drug that he gave to Miranda from Sex and the City back in Season 11’s Alone in the Crowd and her stroke was much more debilitating than yours. But Bird still says “no”. A frustrated Dr. Saunders persists that the TPA is Bird’s only shot at complete recovery, as Luka stands with his hands on his hips. Bird glowers at Luka and avows “Forget it! I’m not taking it!” Mrs. Bird soothingly tells him to settle down. Luka admits that if it were him, he would take the TPA. Probably the wrong thing to say, Luka, as Bird erupts that if it were him, he’d be in Intensive Care with ten doctors and nurses “watching your ass every second … day and night”. Well, Bird, he doesn’t need to be in the ICU for me to be watching his ass 24/7 … Luka looks down, chagrined, as Mrs. Bird again tries to calm her husband, but Bird’s not finished. He rants that Luka wouldn’t be getting the runaround for three days, not sleeping and not eating … In anguish, Bird yells “… pissing in a pan … And now I’m supposed to trust you … with a medicine … that could kill me!!!” Discomfited, Luka, can’t meet his eye as Bird furiously rages, looking like he’s about to explode, “… When all I’ve seen since I’ve been here is total incompetence!!!” Switch to:

Power Tie asking Bird if he refused a therapy that had the potential to reverse the stroke. Bird excuses that there were no guarantees. Power Tie asserts that experts have agreed that TPA gave him the only chance for a complete recovery and sardonically disbelieving, he asks “And you didn’t want it?” Bird bites his lip for a second, then smiles and gestures with his good hand that it was a lot more complicated than that, really. Power Tie asks him point blank “Did you refuse a medicine that could have cured you?” Realizing what his answer will sound like, Bird hesitates, and looks over Luka, who is watching intently, with his mouth resting against his left hand. Motioning towards Luka, Bird concedes that he refused what they were pushing, and smiling and nodding knowingly at Power Tie proclaims that he would have done the same thing. Approaching the Witness Stand calculatingly, Power Tie re-submits “So you did refuse the cure?” Bird just looks at him, shaking his head slightly, knowing that this looks bad for him.

Sam tells Pratt and Abby that the systolic is only 50 after two unit. They’re dressed in trauma yellows, working on Blood Puker, with a huge scope thing hanging over the table. I guess sneaking a peek at Abby’s tits made Pratt reconsider his objection to her therapy idea … Nice, Pratt. Guess you’d need a lap dance before deciding on a treatment plan in a major trauma, too, huh, Pratt? … Pratt tells Sam to hang another two units. Looking at the monitor, Abby tells him that she’s got the balloon in above the diaphragm and to go ahead and inject. He says he’s going to push 40 cc’s of saline and he hopes this damned thing works. Usher comes in and says “Doc Lock ... You got a call”. Not looking over, Abby tells him that she’s kind of busy right now. Pratt says triumphantly that the balloon is up as Usher informs Abby that it’s her babysitter. She whips her head around to look at him and he tells her “they said it was important”. Oh no, MoJo! Sam says hopefully that the pressure’s up to 90 as Abby looks over at Pratt and he tells her to go take it. Pratt says that Blood Puker is out of the woods and tells Sam to mark the time because the surgeons have one hour to take her up and fix her, or else the game is over. Abby hurries over to the phone and picks it up saying, “Hello?” and rubbing the back of her neck worriedly. Sam tells Pratt that Surgery should be there any minute as Blood Puker asks Pratt what’s happening. He tells her that they’ve controlled her bleeding. Abby asks into the phone “Is he hungry?” as Pratt explains to Blood Puker that they’re going to take her up to the OR. Abby asks “Did you try the stroller?” Moby comes in and Sam sarcastically says “Well, thanks for joining us”. Moby sees the fluoroscope and asks what’s up with that because he thought ER docs had x-ray vision … No, but I’m sure Luka and Abby have Night Vision from living in the bat cave for so long … As Pratt explains what they did with the balloon, Abby, playing with her hair, says “Okay … Okay … Just put … Put the phone next to his ear …” Pratt finishes that they saved this patient from intraabdominal exsanguinations. Moby thinks that’s rather unconventional, and dare he say “idiotic”, as Neela smirks. Sam and her Dollar Store gold hair clip chime in “Well, it worked” as Abby, facing the wall, then turning and sort of bouncing up and down a little, starts singing, and not very well at that, “… If I go there will be trouble …” Hee … Luka’s version a couple of weeks ago was cuter, Abby … ‘Cause it’s Luka … So everything he does is cuter … Bitch … Neela is saying something about a thoracostomy and it’s “very cool”, but I missed the first part of her statement because of Abby’s wacky warbling. Moby thinks it’s not cool because Blood Puker’s kidneys will be dead in an hour, as Abby’s getting really into the song, though her singing talent isn’t improving, “If I stay there will be double …” Neela hears Abby and looks over at her, with a combination WTF and Botox-inducing scowl. As Moby says “Let’s go, the clock is ticking” and starts to move the gurney, Neela questions “Abby??” Pushing the mouthpiece back so MoJo can’t hear, she explains “It’s his favorite song, it puts him right to sleep”. I am totally with you on The Clash and the non-traditional lullaby, Abby … I’m pretty certain my son is the only one in his preschool who knows all the words to Cake’s “Haze of Love” and The Pixies “La La Love You” … Though in retrospect, it probably wasn’t such a good idea to teach him The Ramones “Somebody Put Something in My Drink” … or “Beat on Brat (With a Baseball Bat)” … Abby’s totally getting into it now “This indecision’s bugging me …” Neela’s still all “Huh?” as they walk Blood Puker out. Moby asks her, “Aren’t you glad you don’t work here anymore?” Amused, Sam grins and says “She’s auditioning for American Idol”. Hee … Well, William Hung’s sure been milking his 15 minutes out of it, Abby, so who knows? Though I’m pretty sure you’d get a total Simon Cowell smackdown like "Did you really believe you could become the American Idol? Well, then, you're deaf” or “If your doctor duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be dying.” … Abby’s still with the bouncing “… If you don’t want me set me free …” Pratt calls over to her “Hey, nice work, Abby”. Abby quickly and distractedly thanks him, because he interrupted her performance, and starts up again “…Exactly whom I’m supposed to be-e-e …” then bobs her head counting out the beats like she’s listening to the music in her head before continuing “… Don’t you know which clothes even fit me …” … Hee. That was funny.

A wary Luka is being cross-examined by Janice. She says that upstairs the neurologists recognized a faint mid-systolic murmur. She asks Luka what that means. Luka explains to the jury that a murmur is from turbulent blood flow through the heart. Bird is watching Luka closely. Camera angle from behind Bird shows Janice standing by the jury box, Luka on the witness stand, with a poster, marked “Exhibit A”, of a medical drawing of a head and torso depicting how the blood flows to the brain, on an easel between them. Janice states that because of the murmur, a cardiac echo was ordered showing a patent foramen ovale and asks insinuatingly if he knows what that is. Luka definitively answers that it’s a small hole in the upper chambers of the heart. Janice claims that hole could have allowed a blood clot from Luka’s subclavian catheter to pass from the right side to the left side of the heart, as she uses a pointer on the diagram to show the jury, concluding “And then up to the brain”. Luka concedes that could happen but it’s extremely rare. Janice snidely says that she didn’t ask him how rare it was, she asked him whether a patent foramen ovale provides a pathway for a clot to travel to the brain and cause a stroke. Luka hesitates, then answers “Yes”. Janice asks if he had heard the murmur, if had pulled the catheter when the numbness began, is it possible that he could have prevented Bird’s stroke, as a visibly uncomfortable Luka drums his fingers agitatedly on the siderail. Power Tie objects that it calls for speculation and Beaky Bench-sitter sustains it. Janice accusingly questions if he considered a cardiac source when the numbness began or did he ignore an important warning sign of impending stroke. Maintaining his composure, Luka asserts that he didn’t ignore anything and he did what was probable and acted accordingly. Janice asks directly if Luka appreciated Bird’s heart murmur after he complained of numbness. Getting a little defensive, Luka argues that the ER is a noisy place and you can’t always hear a subtle murmur. Janice pissily retorts that she’s not asking him about the noise level in his ER. Then deliberately baiting him, Janice says in a loud nasty tone that she is asking him if he at any time in the three days that he cared for Bird, as Luka disconcertedly adjusts his tie, and she continues “… recognize his heart murmur”. Indignant, Luka justifies “At the time of Mr. Ames’ numbness, there were 47 patients in the ER … 82 in the Waiting Room:, as Janice intentionally sighs loudly at his evasiveness and purses her lips. Getting more riled up and rising to the bait, Luka seethes that he was taking care of a young mother who was the victim of domestic violence nearly beaten to death. Janice tries to interrupt “Dr. Kovac”, but Luka keeps angrily spouting off “… an eight year old hit by a car …” Janice attempts to break in again “Dr. Kovac”, but Luka’s not done “… a 53 year-old heart attack victim” as Janice says he’s not answering her question and Bird just watches Luka give in to the provocation and melt down. What happened to keeping coolly cool, boy? Take it slow, Daddy-O … You can live it up and die in bed … Stay loose, boy! … Luka and Janice are yelling over each other. Pointing at Luka, Janice bitches at him that she’s asking about a heart murmur that he failed to recognize as Beaky Bench-sitter pounds his gavel and a highly agitated Luka angrily insists that there are always sicker patients in the ER “… and it was reasonable to believe that Mr. Ames’ numbness could wait!!!” Beaky shouts again “Order!” Luka flares his nostrils, sits back in his chair and looks away, trying to calm down as Beaky tells them that only one of them can speak at a time. Janice moves that Luka’s entire tirade be stricken from the record as non-responsive and she requests that the court admonish the witness to answer her question. Beaky tells Janice to restate the question and warningly instructs a chastised Luka to answer it, and Luka nods, yieldingly. Luka doesn’t look at Janice but glances quickly over at Bird as she asks him if he had heard the murmur, is it possible that he could have prevented the stroke. Power Tie objects that possibility is not the issue, and Beaky sustains. Not satisfied, Janice crossly asks Luka if it’s true he could have prevented the stroke. Tightening his mouth, and holding his body still, but shifting his gaze over at Bird, Luka doesn’t reply. Janice badgers him for an answer “Well, Doctor?!?!” and Beaky warns her. Disgusted, Janice says there’s no need, she’s done with this witness and walks away, leaving Luka to sit there troubled and a bit shamefaced because he knows he blew it. And I know it’s wrong, but damn … nostril-flaring raging Luka is hot …

Pratt wipes off the board saying “scabies family went home and lost rectal thermometer went up to Surgery”. Yuck. What is it with people sticking stuff up their asses this shift? Usher comes up and tells him that Uncle Ego needs him for an extubation in Trauma Two. As Pratt heads off, he passes Abby on the phone at Admit saying in a sorry-to-have-missed-you tone, “I’m here till 7, so call me if you get a break”. She hangs up and Pratt asks if she’s heard from Luka, but she says “Not yet”. Pratt’s brother, Chaz comes in to view, calling his name. They clasp and man hug again. Chaz wants to know if he’s too early, and Pratt tells him “yeah” and to have a seat in triage, then tells him he’ll be right back.

Phoebe, with both arms bandaged from wrist to elbow but not the hands, which is weird since I’m pretty sure I remember seeing them in flames, walks up to Admit where Abby is working on the laptop and asks “It’s Abby, right?” Not looking up, Abby says “Yes”. Then she sees Phoebe and says “Oh, hi” and “Sorry about your arms”, though she really doesn’t sound that sincere. Nice, Abby. Behind Abby, Ray notices Phoebe and starts heading over. Phoebe says it’s okay and that they fixed her up pretty good, but the med school wants her to make a chart for their insurance. Abby nods as Ray comes up and says “That’s no problem, I got it”. Phoebe smiles and thanks him. Abby smiles knowingly at him and overly sweetly thanks him also before walking away. Ray tells Phoebe they can “do it” in Curtain Four. Not very private, Ray. Too bad Luka’s not there, because he’d advise you to use the Storage Closet like he and UTI girl’s mom did in Walk Like A Man in Season 10. Though Abby told Susan she didn’t know why they used the closet when NeuroSurg was so much cozier. Oh, once again … I miss Susan … and Sherry Stringfield … and her hair …

As Ray debrides Phoebe’s wounds, she asks if his shift is almost over, and he says it is. She tells him that they’re giving her two days off to heal, and he sarcastically says that it’s “very generous of the surgeons”. She chuckles and says it’s her first free night in like forever. She asks if he’s been to Red Note Five, but he says he hasn’t. She says that they’ve remodeled and she hears that the DJ there on Thursday nights is “ridiculous” and she asks him if he wants to check it out tonight. Ray looks at her, both surprised and intrigued.

Power Tie is summing up. As Luka sits beside Curly Hair at the Defense Table, looking a little anxious, Power Tie tells the jury that both emergency and infectious disease experts agree that Dr. Kovac gave superior treatment, and went above and beyond the standard of care. We see the courtroom door opening, and Bird turns to look, seeing a young suited guy, who had previously been sitting at the Plaintiff’s Table, escorting two little kids, a boy and girl, as we hear Power Tie say that the stroke was a one in a million complication that no one could have either predicted or prevented. Young Suited Guy ushers them over to seats behind Bird, as Luka looks over first at the kids, then at Bird, who has turned to smile at them. Spirits boosted, smiling and looking more confident, Bird turns back around as Power Tie continues that Luka treats the patients that no other doctor will treat and that his ER is the safety net for millions with no health insurance, as Young Suited Guy slips into his seat at the table next to Bird. Power Tie continues, laying it on thick, that every day Luka is out there “on the front lines providing the best health care possible for the people who need it the most”. I’m almost certain I can hear the Gonna Fly Now, Theme from Rocky playing as Power Tie goes on that if they find against Dr. Kovac, “What message does that send to other health care providers like him who make that daily struggle their personal mission …”

It’s Janice’s turn for summation and she’s showing home movies. What, no popcorn to go with that, Janice? What a gyp. Cheap ass … Janice tells the jury that Luka could have sent Bird home with antibiotic pills, but he didn’t because he assumed that Bird was unreliable and couldn’t be trusted, as we see an active Bird on screen from 2001, playing ball with his son in the backyard while Mrs. Bird and Baby Bird watch. Janice asserts that Luka took responsibility for Bird’s care as the image changes to 2006 and shows Bird, unable to use his left hand, opening a toothpaste tube with his teeth. Janice goes on that Luka then abandoned that responsibility by subjecting Bird to substandard conditions in an understaffed ER where Bird was shoved into a corner and neglected and we see Luka watching the screen, gravely. Back to 2001 and Bird romping with his kids around a kiddie pool while Janice claims that the warning signs of a major stroke were ignored, resulting in a devastating disability. Janice refers to the film to show that before the stroke, Bird was a skilled craftsman, as we see him working, that he supported a wife and two children, as we see them having a birthday party and then Bird playing with his kids. Janice continues that now with a paralyzed left arm and loss of perception in his left visual field, that livelihood has been taken away as we see a defeated Bird, alone in a shabby apartment, eating takeout on a TV tray. Janice talks of loss of income and loss of self-esteem have resulted in profound stress that led to a divorce and separation from his children, as the camera pans the female members of the jury, moved by what they are watching. Janice tells them that Bird lives alone and is trying to get by on a disability income of $1300 per month as the camera focuses on Luka absorbing all this. He turns his head to look at Bird’s kids, then over to Bird as Janice says that Bird cannot drive and that he sees his children one day a week and is being treated for depression. Bird, who was also looking at his kids, turns and catches Luka looking and stares back at him. Again, almost like he can’t look him in the eye, Luka looks away and glances down while Bird continues to stare, before finally turning to face front. Janice is telling the jury that their award must fairly compensate Bird for past and ongoing medical care and for twenty-five years of lost wages. She finishes “… and for the pain and suffering that this man will experience every day, for the rest of his life” as we see the happy Bird family in 2001, smiling and waving at the camera.

Abby is in the Curtain Area showing a guy in a leg brace how to use crutches as Neela walks up to Admit. Abby is telling Leg Brace that he wants to make sure it rests against his rib cage, not his armpits. She goes to demonstrate, and one of the crutches slips out from under her, and she almost takes a nosedive onto the floor. I guess you weren’t paying close enough attention, Abby … Got a devil’s haircut on your mind … Love machines on the sympathy crutches … Discount orgies on the dropout buses … Looking around a little embarrassedly, Abby says “I’m okay …” as Leg Brace asks her if she’s sure those things are safe. Hee. Abby says they are and thinks they just need an adjustment. Then holding them up and looking at them, not so sure, “Or … you could go to the Pharmacy and get a new pair”, and Leg Brace thinks that’s a good idea. Hee. Laying the crutches on the bed, Abby tells him to be careful as he hobbles away. She heads over towards Admit, sharing a look with Neela, who’d seen the whole thing. Neela asks if they should sign her in as a trauma patient, and Abby smiles as she puts the chart on the rack and says she would say “yes” but her shift is over. Smirking, Neela tells Abby to call her if her spleen ruptures. Hee. Abby heads off as Chaz comes up to Neela and asks if Pratt is around. Neela says that he’s with a patient and asks if she can help him. A little put off, Chaz says that Pratt told him he’d be right back and if Neela sees Pratt, could she tell him that he’s still waiting? She says okay and as Chaz moves off, Ray comes up and asks Neela if she has a minute. She says that she has 12 hours, because she’s on all night. Ray tells her it’s about Phoebe, her med student. Neela says Ray’s name disgustedly, and he explains that Phoebe asked him out. Not looking at him, Neela is rummaging around the desk for something and reminds him that Residents are not allowed to date their students, but he comes back that Phoebe is not his student and she never will be because she’s not doing an ER elective, so it’s technically not against policy. Still not really responding to him, Neela distractedly wants to know why he even bothered to ask. Sort of hurt and offended by her blowing him off, Ray sarcastically bitches “Thanks … appreciate your help” and walks away. Neela glances over with a “What’s with him?” look as Chaz comes back up saying he has to go and asking her to tell Pratt that he’ll call him. She again says “okay” and Chaz leaves. Now Uncle Ego comes up to Neela. Calling her “Mayday” he asks what she’s doing there and she answers “small bowel obstruction” to which he replies “Good times”. Oh no. Please don’t tell me I’ll have to give up saying that. Now I dislike you even more, Uncle Ego. Ugh. He asks how Old Grey is doing and tells her that he heard that his aorta was just fine. Neela ignores this and Uncle Ego wags his finger and starts to go Confucius on her “You know, there’s a lesson to be learned here … “, then decides to go with Elvis, ‘Wise man say, only fools rush in …” No, no, no, no, NO! … Don’t be cruel … You are NOT to quote The King, Uncle Ego … Especially not my wedding song! … Return to sender … Go back to Roy Orbison … Have mercy … Ugh … I’m all shook up … and lonesome tonight … I need my lovin’ teddy bear … and some conditioner … Where’s Luka, my hunk-a hunk-a burnin’ love? … Pratt comes up and Neela tells him that he just missed Chaz. Pratt heads out, seeing if he can catch him. Suppressing a grin, Neela looks over at Uncle Ego, “You were saying?” He starts to grin at her and she looks away, the grin she was holding back starting to come out. He leans over, raising his eyebrows and smiling, trying to catch her eye.

Pratt catches up with Chaz in the Ambulance Bay. Pratt apologizes and says he got caught up with a patient. Chaz says he has to go, and Pratt tells him to come on, it sounded like something serious. Chaz says “it’s all good”, but Pratt doesn’t buy it. Chaz admits that things aren’t going well at home. He says that when he wants to study it’s too noisy and when he wants to bring his friends over, “Dad won’t let me”. He complains that he’s always late to class because the commute takes forever. Pratt asks “What about the dorm?”, but Chaz says it costs too much. He says that he’s looking for apartments to share, but they all “kinda suck”. Chaz says he knows it sounds crazy, but he was thinking maybe he could move into Pratt’s place. Pratt scoffs “My place?” Chaz says it’s close to campus and he can get a part-time job to help with the rent. Trying to sell it, Chaz insists that he’s quiet and thinks they’ll probably never even see each other. Pratt’s all skeptical and asks if he’s serious. Pratt tries to blow him off saying “I got my own style …” Yeah, okay, Pratt … The street life is the only life you know … you live by the code style it’s mad P.L.O. … Chaz tells him to come on, and if it doesn’t work, he’ll be gone. Pratt doesn’t say anything, so Chaz backs down and tells him to never mind and it’s a bad idea. Pratt relents and tells him they’ll try it for a month, and he’ll talk to Chaz’ mom. Chaz thanks him and they man hug again before Chaz tells him he’s gonna “holler at ya” and Pratt tells him to take it easy.

Pratt turns to go back in to the hospital, and spots Abby carrying her coat and backpack, on her way home. He “hey’s” her and laughs kind of maniacally, asking her how her first day back was. She sasses that it was a piece of cake, and he says doubtfully “Oh yeah?” She laughs as she tells him it was like riding a bike. As he walks her towards the El, he asks if she misses her “little man”. Watch it, Pratt. First off, that’s so none of your business and second, I’m quite sure Luka’s “little man” ain’t so little … If you know what I mean, and I think that you do … Bitch …Oh, I guess he’s talking about MoJo as Abby dips her head, smiling and admitting “Yeah”. She jokes that it’s okay because she’ll bond with him when she feeds him at eleven … and two … and five a.m. Hee. MoJo’s still feeding every three hours? And you’re working full shifts? Damn, that sucks for you, Abby … Though you’re a Resident so I’d think you’d be used to never getting enough sleep … Abby tells Pratt that what was nice about today was that for twelve hours she talked like a grown-up to grown-ups. You did? Somehow I must have missed your ascent to adulthood, Abby … Pratt thinks, “Well, except for when you had to deal with the surgeons”. Abby agrees but says, “At least they don’t spit up on you”. Well, that’s true, Abby … Moby is more likely to shit on you, than spit up on you. He could probably use a diaper … Pratt chuckles and Abby adds “… much”. Hee. She says goodnight and heads off as he tells her to try to get some rest. Heading towards the steps, she says over her shoulder like it doesn’t work in reality, “That’s a nice idea …”

Luka and Iman are walking down a street. Seeing as Abby just went off her shift and Luka’s not home yet, I’m guessing “Miriam” the babysitter was shit out of luck on leaving by six. Nice, Luka and Abby. Miriam probably didn’t realize that this job required meals be served every three hours, knowledge of ‘80’s Brit Punk songs and no outside life. All that, plus no fringe salon and spa benefits. That totally sucks, Miriam. Being around but not being able to enjoy The Pretty would be like being on a diet in the Land of Chocolate. Luka asks Iman how long she thinks the jury will deliberate. She doesn’t think it will take more than a day or two, and that Bird’s lawyer is a “publicity hound”. Oh, Janice … you ain’t nothing but a hound dog … and you ain’t no “friend” of mine … Iman thinks that the local news is having a field day trashing County and believes it will be good to get Luka in front of the press as the doctor found “not guilty”. Luka thinks Iman is very optimistic. Considering you live with Abby, I’m surprised you’d even be able to recognize optimism, Luka. Iman says that people need to hear their side of the story, to assure them that the County system works. And I’m really hating Iman’s speech patterns. Her vocal intonations are very anchorwoman-in-small-TV-market-esque. Annoying. Iman puts her arm up to hail a cab as an uneasy Luka asks if she saw the looks on the jury’s faces during the videotape. As a cab pulls up, Iman turns and smiles at Luka, confidently telling him that doctors get sued for ignoring and under-treating patients, not for doing too much. She adds that he did a great job on the stand. Really? He seemed mega harried and defensive to me. Luka doesn’t think he did well either. As he opens and holds the cab door for her, Iman reassures him that she’s been to at least a hundred trials and she can tell when the jury likes the doctor. Yeah, I knew there was a reason that jury was predominantly female … And I so like the doctor, too … Just saying. Luka looks very doubtful as Iman gets into the car and we hear a female in voiceover say “He’s just another greedy MD …” as the scene shifts to:

The Jury Room. Nasty Female Juror, who was already on my last nerve with that utterance, continues “… getting rich by over-treating”. A younger female juror asks what she’s talking about and Nasty responds that she’s read about how drug companies give kickbacks to doctors who use their expensive drugs. A middle-aged male juror agrees. Younger Female Juror, who seems like she might be the Foreperson and acting like the voice of reason, tells them that Beaky instructed them not to base this case on anything they’ve heard outside of the courtroom. Nasty goes back into voiceover as we see:

Bird, sitting in the empty, darkened courtroom, looking forlorn. Nasty says that “They neglected this guy for three days”. Camera pans around him and pulls back as he just sits there and we hear the jury deliberating. Younger Juror chimes in that Bird’s pneumonia was improving, but a male juror thinks “That doctor used a hand grenade to kill a mosquito”, and to him that’s “bad medical judgment”. Shut up, Male Juror! Did you go through med school then residency to become an Attending and get promoted to head of the department? No? Then shut your pie hole, jackass! Young Female Juror agrees with me and tells him that he’s not a doctor and that they have to decide this thing based on the expert witness definition of “standard of care”. Nasty thinks that when you are talking about County General, the term “standard of care” is a joke. Male Juror thinks Luka is “part of the system”, as we cut to:

Luka, walking alone down the street, looking alone and dejected, as Male Juror continues “… and we all know the system sucks …”

Awww … Luka looks sad … and like he could use a hug … Oh, Luka … Don’t worry … There’s a place for us … a time and place for us … Drop the bitch, and we’re halfway there … Drop the bitch, and I’ll take you there … I’m guessing Luka’s probably both glad that he told Abby to go to work so she wasn’t there to witness his losing it, but also wishing she were there because he could really do with some support and TLC … and a crème rinse … Bitch …


At 11:09 AM, November 11, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another great installment, Cranky! Calvary...Church of Ego...Hee!

At 11:35 AM, November 11, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks, this is nice))

At 1:50 PM, November 11, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah that was great...didn't notice the magical earrings before!

At 6:29 PM, November 11, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uncle Ego! Lol! Couldn't have put it better myself!

At 4:37 AM, November 12, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

cranky, you've got to take a ticket if you want to soothe The Pretty's hard time!
you've had your turn now it's mine!!!
just amazing and reading your recaps is the best workout I can get!!

At 6:42 AM, November 12, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww....I thought this was the saddest episode ever...watching Luka deal with the court stuff all alone. Wanted to offer him some salon time myself! Thanks for cranking out the funny stuff once again. You are the best!

At 12:25 PM, November 12, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, what the hell was that about, Abby couldn't even go be supportive at something as important as her boyfriends court date? that sucks. But your recap was great as always, cranky!

At 12:45 PM, November 12, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Jeez … Luka’s got so many lawyers lined up to see him, you’d think he had tobacco leaking out of his breast implants …"

How much do I love that you constantly quote NewsRadio! Awesome! Another great one, Cranky!

At 1:16 PM, November 13, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Cranky! I personally did not like Luka's hair on this one. It looked like he had on a little too much gel (and makeup) in the courtroom scenes especially.

At 11:58 PM, November 13, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice recap as usual keep it up

guys there is a fanart challenge and a fanfic challenge on my forum
if your gonna enter keep an eye on the countdown

At 12:49 AM, November 14, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Such an awesome recap Cranky! Counting the days until the next one appears. . . keep it up!

At 2:39 PM, November 14, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

how do u manage to see such incredible detail in the bat cave? i can never see the magnets/frogs etc! guess u have been in training for the night vision!

At 2:29 AM, December 11, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Dry Cleaner and her Steam Boy Press" ... gets me each time I'm thinking of it!!!!
Will you call now the Pretty "Steam Boy" or "McSteamy" ?

hee, still having a hard time to recover from that awesome recap!!


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