Sunday, November 20, 2005

ER 12.8 Two Ships

Previously on ER: Neela tells Abby that Gallant is coming home today and Pratt does his best Mae West saying, “well, hello soldier”; Neela gets a call from Gallant’s lieutenant saying his leave has been postponed; John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House is a paramedic and introduces himself as Tony Gates to Neela; John Leguizamo, aka Victor Clemente, new Attending, aka Chi-Chi Rodriguez from To Wong Foo argues with Luka, who doesn’t like his style and thinks since he’s the new guy it’s his responsibility to fit in with them and not vice versa; Ray’s underage hook up, Zoe, who looks like a young Liv Tyler and her dad, who looks like Teller from Penn & Teller confront Neela about Teller’s having a right to know why antibiotics were prescribed to his daughter; Teller beats the crap out of Ray and tells him he’ll kill him if he ever comes near his daughter again.

Pratt and Inez are entering the ambulance bay, pulling on gloves. Inez tells him that it wasn’t as cold this morning. Pratt thought people from the Bronx were supposed to be tough, and Inez says they are. Pratt says “yeah, right. Talk to me in February” as the ambulance pulls in. Uncle Jesse and his partner are bringing in Martin Trudeau, 60, short of breath. Pratt says “uh oh, looks like trouble” as he spots Neela climbing out of the rig, apparently on her ride along that Morris told her she still had to complete back in Episode 4. Uncle Jesse quips “You’re telling me” as he looks at Neela disdainfully. Pratt asks how the rookie is doing. Uncle Jesse thinks she could smile more, and Neela dutifully smirks at him. Partner says she’s fine. Martin is being played by Alex Rocco, who played Moe Green, the casino owner who got shot through the eye in Godfather II. Of course, I remember him better for his role on my 80’s sitcom guilty pleasure, The Facts of Life, where he played Jo’s dad. Moe is bitching that all he wanted was a little oxygen and “these clowns keep poking me for ten minutes”. Shut up, Moe! I seriously doubt Uncle Jesse swings that way to be “poking” you, besides the fact that you are old and gross, and I’m sure whatever they were doing was because they were, oh, I don’t know, maybe trying to save your life or something? Ingrate. Neela says that Moe is post-cardiac transplant 2001. Moe wants to know if those bastards at the Mayo clinic give refunds on bad hearts. Again, shut up, Moe! You have been onscreen for less than two minutes and I already want to strangle you. Considering the fact that the transplant most likely saved your good-for-nothing carcass, I think you would show a little gratitude. I can so get Mrs. Garrett, Fatalie and Tootie to come kick your ass. Uncle Jesse tries to excuse the rudeness by saying that Moe is on a lot of meds, which Neela lists off. There are like a dozen of them, and since I know that you cannot possibly be any more interested in what they are than I am, I’m not going to bother regurgitating them, except that the last one was aspirin. When she’s finished, Moe snarks “wow, you’ve got freakin’ Rain Man here”, and Uncle Jesse says he’s taking her to Vegas, as I wonder what gambling den would require that kind of useless knowledge. Neela tells Pratt that the lungs are wet. Pratt barks a couple of orders and says he’ll be right in. He catches Neela in the hall, slaps her on the arm and asks how it’s going, for real. Neela bitches that they don’t have a coat that fits her, they woke her and all her neighbors up at 5:00 am with their “bloody siren”, and Uncle Jesse is like a “dog in heat”. Hee. I love Neela. She goes on that “other than that, well, there is no other than that.” Pratt chuckles and wants her to look on the bright side. She wants to know what that is as Sam walks by telling Pratt that his bloody diarrhea guy’s “butt is exploding again”. Nice. Thanks, Sam. I really needed to hear that, especially since I had chili for dinner. Pratt finishes “you could be stuck here” and walks away as Uncle Jesse comes up to Neela, calling her “Mayday”. She tells him that “Dr. Rasgotra will be fine”, and he says he’s going to go restock the rig, adding “Mayday” again. Hee.

Ray walks up, his face still cut up and bruised from the Teller smackdown, and just as annoyingly nicknames her saying “nice jacket, Roomie”. He wants to know if he can still call her that. She says that as long as he doesn’t call her “Mayday”, he can call her anything he likes. He asks how the ride-along is, as she pulls off the steri-strip from his face and tells him he needs a new one. He winces and she apologizes. He says it’s still a little tender. Neela thinks that all things considered, he got off easy. He sarcastically says “oh yeah, my ass-kicking was a breeze” and all he had to do was lay there. Neela thinks it beats jail time, and I would think you’d agree, Ray, especially since there would be more done to your ass there than just kicking. Neela wants him to sit in the curtain area. He asks if she’s heard from Gallant, but she hasn’t yet because he got stuck. Ray wants to know if he’s still coming home and she says not at the moment. Ray says “that’s cool” then corrects himself and says “I mean, too bad”. As Neela puts on the new steri-strip, Ray asks if this means that maybe he could come home now. Neela tells him no. He says “no?” and she replies that it’s been quite nice without him and “that smell” hasn’t been there since he’s been gone. Hee. Ray complains that it’s his place as Uncle Jesse calls “Got another run, Mayday”. Neela tells Ray that he can come back on the following conditions: no more dirty dishes in the sink, and no more using the couch as his clothes hamper, and I am so with her on those because my husband does the same thing. Ray bitches “didn’t I let you move in?” and Neela just gives him a pointed look and starts to walk away. He tells her okay, it’s a done deal. He says that he’s on graveyard and he’ll be back in the morning. He ducks behind a curtain saying “Oh, crap. Admit, 2:00.” Neela looks over and her eyes widen and she tells him that she thought he “got rid of her”. Ray asks for a little help. Neela says “Ray?” and he says “Neela?”, and she shakes her head and walks over to Admit, where we see Liv. They exchange hellos and Liv impatiently asks where Ray is. Neela tells her he’s off today. Liv doesn’t think that’s true because he pull doubles on Thursdays so that he can do gigs on Fridays and she totally knows his schedule. Neela deadpans that he had a doctor’s appointment. Eye specialist. Liv’s upset because Ray hasn’t returned her calls or anything. Considering that spending time with you equates to doing time, I’m really not surprised here, Liv. Uncle Jesse comes in and tells Neela to come on because they’ve got a man down. Neela says to Liv that she’ll tell Ray she was here. Liv hands Neela a CD and asks her to give it to Ray, it has all their songs on it. I’m sure the jailbait mix includes songs like “Girl, You’ll Be A Woman Soon”, “Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman”, and “Don’t Stand So Close To Me”. Neela takes the CD and starts walking around the desk, where Jerry, who is on the phone, stops her and says that the Residency Office is looking for Abby. Neela drops the CD in the trash and tells him that she’s on nights. Jerry picks the CD out of the trash and says “lucky her”. Considering where she is, I’d have to agree with that assessment, Jerry.

Abby is sleeping, lying on her side. As she starts to wake, she turns slightly towards behind her, then looks frontward as the camera pans back and we see that her head is laying on an outstretched arm, whose hand is holding hers. Awww. Her left hand is resting under her chin, holding the arm. When she moves, the fingers on the hand tighten a bit on her right hand. Again, awww. She stares at the clasped hands, then holding the bedsheet across her chest with her left hand, turns towards the owner of the other hand, as the camera shows us it is Luka, who is still asleep. And naked. I have to re-watch this scene over and over again, because at this point, I really am not able to concentrate on anything that Abby is doing, and honestly, who cares? Bare-chested Luka. Need I say more? I think I need a cigarette. And a voodoo doll of Maura Tierney. Bitch. After my cigarette break, and another glass of merlot, I think I am now ready to resume. Okay … nope, there’s that chest again … sigh … Anyway, where was I? Abby turns towards Luka, and stares at him. Then incredibly, she turns her head to stare at the ceiling, blows out her breath, and actually has the nerve to have a “what the hell did I do?” expression on her face. Honey, you did him. How can you possibly have a problem with that? I used to just think you were a bit dense, now I know that you really did inherit some of Maggie’s psycho genes because you are obviously deranged. And a bitch.

After Opening Credits, Pratt bursts into Trauma Yellow and wants to know why Moe has fluid in his lungs. Moe snottily says he takes long showers. How many times do I have to tell you to shut up, Moe? Pratt asks if there is anything Moe wants to tell him. Moe wants to know like what? Pratt tells him his cyclosporine level was zero. Moe says “yeah, so?” Pratt replies that he stopped taking his meds. He asks if he’s right and is Moe taking his pills? Moe won’t look at him and answers “nope”, because Moe’s a dope. Pratt bitches that he’s wasting a perfectly good heart, not to mention his time. Moe wants to know if Pratt knows how much the medicine costs a month. Pratt silently judges him as Moe goes on that he takes piles of that medicine at almost “four large a month”. Since I don’t speak casino, you really need to explain how much that is to me, Moe. Pratt asks about Medicare. Moe snidely replies that you have to declare poverty for that and give up your house, your savings and your car. Really??? Medicare sucks. Moe wants to know who’s going to take care of his wife. Pratt wonders how Moe supposes to take care of her if he’s dead. Moe’s getting really pissed now and goes on how she drives him back and forth to the hospital, she cleans up his puke (yuck), and he can’t make it up the stairs alone, and he passes out. Well, that’s why the vows specify in sickness and in health, Moe, so technically, she bought into this when she married you. Though with your attitude, I would have dumped you years before. Apparently, Mrs. Moe is a saint. Pratt asks him if he’s refusing to take his medication and explains that if he is, he’s going to go into heart failure and he’s going to die. Moe just looks at him condescendingly and says “aw”. What an ass. Pratt does this move that Mekhi Phifer is really good at, where he basically rolls his eyes without actually rolling his eyes. Pratt resignedly says, “alright then” and tells Inez to put him in Curtain Three. As he walks out he says “we’re done”.

Sally walks towards Admit wearing a long beige overcoat and pulling the red overnight bag on wheels that I had until it never made it back from Disneyworld last year and the airline never was able to track it down. Now I know what happened to it and Sally, I want the Mouse ears back. Bitch. Sally asks Sam how many nurses they’re short and Sam tells her two and that the registry’s empty. Sally thinks they’ll manage, gives Sam her hotel number and says her flight leaves at 4:20 and she’ll keep her cell on. I thought you weren’t allowed to use your cell phone on the plane and you had to use theirs so that they can charge you like fifteen bucks a minute. Or is that just what the flight bitch told me when I tried to use mine the last time I flew? That’s what I get for booking the Super Saver flight – no frills, no lunch, no peanuts, no cell phone, no working headphones. Plenty of turbulence though, and screaming babies. Jerry asks “what about Malik?” and Sam says he went to a funeral in Detroit. Oh, I’m sorry, Malik. Jerry says it’s the “arson capital of the world”. Shut up, Jerry! I’m pretty sure the arson capital is here in Pennsylvania, where sad but true, one town has firefighters who are in the habit of starting the fires themselves so that they’ll have something to do. Idiots. Sally asks if Sam tried Jarvik, and she says exasperatedly that she’s called everybody. And Sam’s hair is mighty flat tonight. So I guess my hair bitching had only a one episode reprieve. Thanks, ER. Sally asks, though not very sincerely, if Sam wants her to stay, as Jerry shakes his head vigorously behind her and mouths “no”. Hee. Sam lies and assures her to go ahead, they’ve got it. Sally says okay, checks her watch and says she’s got a flight to catch.

Ray walks up to the board and Inez says “yo, Rocky”. Hee. I love Inez. She asks him if he wants to pick up a drunk samurai, and I’ll advise you not to, Ray. I did that at a bar once and my apartment was never the same afterwards. Ray asks “a samurai?” as Inez tells Sam, who’s still on the phone, that GYN has a bed but can’t take the PID for two hours. Must be another off camera patient. Sam says she’ll call them as Chi-Chi walks up and asks why his UTI is still here. Well, if you aren’t going to take your medicine and drink cranberry juice, Chi-Chi, there’s not much Sam can do to help make your bladder infection go away. Sam, obviously harried, tells him they are out of ICONS, and Chi-Chi sarcastically says “yeah, well, could you please” and she says she’s got it. He pissily retorts “like before Christmas, maybe”. She makes a pained face and again says she’s got it. Jerry tells Chi-Chi there are four more and hands Chi-Chi a bunch or WYWO messages. Chi-Chi wants to know what she said. Jerry replies the same thing she said the last six times.

Ray walks up with a huge guy wearing a headband, an open robe showing his hairy chest and not small belly, and sporting a ZZ Top beard. Ray asks “Kobayashi? Is that your real name?” Since this guy looks like a redneck from the Blueridges, I highly doubt that Ray. Kobayashi says “hai”. And here’s more geek test proof for you, Kobayashi, which Spellchecker likes for some strange reason, is the name of the guy who is the five-time winner of Nathan's Famous hot dog eating contest held each 4th of July at Coney Island in New York. And this guy looks like he’s eaten a few frankfurters in his lifetime. Chi-Chi, who of course adds Japanese to the already annoying fact that he speaks Russian, says “irrasshaimase”, which my kids’ Little Linguist game thing tells me means “welcome”, and Kobayashi replies “konnichiwa”, which means “hello”. Chi-Chi replies “hai”. Kobayashi talks to Sam saying “you, with hair like ray of sun, you are beautiful” as Ray smirks. Kobayashi laughs, then grabs his head, he’s wearing purple rubber gloves for some strange reason, and falls onto the floor, knocking over a tray. No explanation as we cut to …

Close-up of an arm on a pillow. The hand starts moving back and forth, expecting something to be there. Camera pulls back as we see Luka waking up. He lifts up a little, and spots the top of Abby’s head. She’s kneeling next to the bed, obviously looking for something. Luka, still sleepy, grins and asks her what she’s doing. She looks up, a little surprised, then, a trifle embarrassed, says that she’s looking for her underwear. Still grinning at her, Luka sits up a bit and asks her if she’s on tonight. She stands up, clutching a towel around her, and says she’s not. Luka wants to know why she’s leaving. She shrugs slightly and says “I just thought … I should”. Luka raises his eyebrows flirtatiously and very suggestively says “You should stay”. And to prove exactly how insane she really is, Abby kind of smiles and replies, “I probably shouldn’t”. Luka tilts his head and grins at her, seductively. For the love of God, Abby, even if you are mentally unbalanced, how can you not hop back into that bed??? Step off then, bitch. There are about a gazillion women, and quite a few men, across the planet who’d gladly take over for you. Seeing how it is Luka in that bed, this is absolutely the most unrealistic scene I have ever seen on this show, and considering all the shenanigans they’ve pulled over the years, that’s saying a lot. Abby says, though not very convincingly as she’s uncomfortably adjusting the towel, that she has a lot of stuff that she needs to do. Luka starts looking under the bedcovers. As he lifts them up, Abby’s black bra goes flying off the bed and she catches it. Hee. Luka says “oh … your bra” as Abby sort of sheepishly says “thank you”. Luka pulls something out from under the covers … no, not that! Keep your minds out of the gutter. Well, with naked Luka there, I guess that’s impossible. He tosses it to Abby and says in what has to be the most sexy way imaginable, “panties”. I need another cigarette. And I don’t even smoke. Abby catches them, and looks away, smiling and blushing. She looks back at him, still smiling, and he gives her the most dazzling, wide smile back. I really should have bought that carton of Marlboros. He asks her if she still likes ketchup on her eggs. She nods, probably not trusting her voice in the presence of such beauty. He tosses the covers aside, and getting out of bed tells her that he’ll make them breakfast, as I curse the fact that this is broadcast and not cable TV and I am denied further shots of his nakedness. As he walks out, Abby, sort of playing with the panties, which is actually a white thong and that’s more info than I needed, says that she thinks they probably slept through breakfast … and calling after him she adds “and lunch”. Hee. Considering that she wasn’t wearing matching lingerie, Abby apparently did not show up at his apartment last night with the intention of being there all night … and morning … and into the afternoon. Bitch.

Pratt is talking to an older lady in the hall. She comments that she can’t believe he is doing this to himself. This must be Mrs. Moe. Pratt looks away towards … yup, there’s Moe, being examined by Inez. Mrs. Moe asks Pratt if he can stop it. Pratt wants to know what the point is if Moe’s not going to take the medication. Mrs. Moe tries to tell Pratt that Moe’s not such a pain in the ass, you know. What color is the sky in the world you live in, Mrs. Moe? Because Moe is a huge pain in the ass. She thinks he’s just angry because he’s been so sick. She wishes Pratt could help him. Looking at Moe, Pratt again does the almost eye roll thing and says that he’s not sure he can. Mrs. Moe says that Moe is her life, which is really sad because if that’s true then undoubtedly her life sucks. She’s not ready to let him go. Mrs. Moe is clearly ready to join Abby in the nuthouse. Pratt doesn’t know what to say in the face of such lunacy as Mrs. Moe walks away.

Uncle Jesse, Partner and Neela are with a homeless guy. Uncle Jesse gives him money and tells him to take a cab. Not the right thing to do Uncle Jesse. I work with a lot of homeless shelters and the directors always tell you not to give them money but encourage them to go to a shelter, because they will most of the time use it for drugs, cigarettes or anything other than what they should. Uncle Jesse tells him to fake a seizure next time. Nice. Neela is walking away as Uncle Jesse catches up with her and asks “how about some sushi?” She gives him a look as he asks whether she likes sushi because he knows a great place. Neela asks Partner if Uncle Jesse ever stops and Partner tells her to get a ring because Uncle Jesse is scared of husbands. Neela says she told him she has a boyfriend, which again, must have happened off camera because she so did not tell him that in the last episode, and she really should have. Uncle Jesse sneeringly wants to know if he’s a lawyer, commodities trader and then really snidely says “a dentist?” Back off, Uncle Jesse. My husband’s a dentist and I really don’t want to have to kick your ass this early in the episode. Neela smilingly replies that he’s a doctor. Uncle Jesse asks if he’s at County, and Neela answers that he’s in the Army. Uncle Jesse, dropping the flirting, stops and says “Stateside, I hope” and Neela responds “Iraq”. Uncle Jesse wants to know if he’s in a CASH unit. Because I’ve seen the sitcom, I know that MASH means Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, but what’s CASH? Ah, the ever accommodating Google tells me it stands for Combat Support Hospital, and I guess they threw the A in to make it sound better, as Neela helpfully answers “Combat Support”. Uncle Jesse tells her that he was a medic in Desert Storm, 101st Airborne. Neela, looking hopeful, like she has a little too much of a Top Gun fetish, especially considering she has a boyfriend, says “did you fly planes?” He says that he just jumped out of them, and she smirks, because that isn’t as impressive. And you don’t get cool code names like “Maverick” and “Ice Man” for paratrooping. Uncle Jesse asks when he’s coming home and Neela replies soon, she hopes. Uncle Jesse, in an attempt to sort of make up for all of the over the top flirting, says that to prove that he’s a good guy, he’s going to let her sit up front and play with the sirens and everything. Sweet. I’d so love to do that. And he tells her he’ll buy her a cup of coffee, as I like Uncle Jesse more and more. Neela mockingly replies “With an empty wallet?” How does Neela know that? Or does she just assume Uncle Jesse gave homeless guy all of his money, because again, not a smart move, Uncle Jesse. Uncle Jesse shoots her a look as Partner tells her that paramedics and cops drink for free. Is that true??? Man, my old paramedic boyfriend was definitely holding out on me. Bastard. And if it is true, I am so signing up for the paramedic certification classes at my local community college, because my Starbucks addiction is getting way out of hand, and uber-expensive. Neela bitches that technically, Uncle Jesse isn’t buying her anything. Uncle Jesse retorts that technically it’s the thought that counts, and he’s got you there, Neela. At least that’s what my parents always told me when I got socks for Christmas instead of the latest Barbie accessory. Neela smiles after him as she closes the rear doors of the rig. Uncle Jesse climbs in the driver’s side. He yells to Neela to come on. As she goes to open the passenger door, Uncle Jesse, grinning, pulls a bit away. He stops and apologizes and says he won’t do it again as she gives him a disapproving look through the window. Of course, he does it again and says his foot slipped. Hee. Then he tells her “scout’s honor” as he waves his fingers around, clearly not knowing how you actually do the scout’s honor gesture, so he surely was not a Boy Scout. And he does it one more time, laughing. He finally stops, leans over and opens the door for her. She gets in smiling, because she apparently found this as amusing as I did. I know it’s been done to death, but Uncle Jesse was actually really cute about it. As she climbs in, he asks her what took her so long, then tells her to buckle up. Hee. Uncle Jesse and Neela have some chemistry, so I hope we’ll see some more of him. Neela needs a little levity, which is lacking in her relationship with Gallant, or as I like to refer to him, Plank.

Pratt is hanging an IV for Moe. Moe asks what the hell it is. Pratt tells him it’s monoclonal antibodies to stop the rejection. Moe bitches that he doesn’t want it. Pratt retorts that he’s getting it anyway. He hands him a cup with pills and tells him he’s going to take them too. He tells Moe that he spoke to his doctors at the Mayo and they’ve agreed to take him in transfer by helicopter. Uh oh, Moe. Helicopter is the equivalent of a four-letter word here in the ER. Moe grumbles that he’s not going. Pratt explains that the pills are neoral and if he takes it now he’ll have a detectable blood level by the time he gets there. Moe tells him he is wasting his time. Pratt ignores him and says that this is how it’s going to go, he’s going to take the pills, he’s going to get on the chopper, and he’s going to stay on his meds for as long as the donated heart keeps beating. Moe wants to know who the hell Pratt thinks he is. Pratt does the none-eyeroll again and points towards Mrs. Moe over at Admit telling him that she loves him. Pratt has no idea why she does because he personally finds Moe extremely annoying and I am so with you on that, Pratt. Pratt continues that if Moe thinks he’s helping her by killing himself, he’s wrong. Pratt tells him he is a miserable guy, again I’m with you, but that Mrs. Moe seems like a great lady and she wants to keep him around. Pratt hands him the pills and tells him to open wide.

Cut to helicopter blades spinning, which is never a good sign on this show. Mrs. Moe, Moe and a no name flight nurse are on board, which makes me miss Chuck … and Susan … and Sherry Stringfield … and her hair. Mrs. Moe is shaking Pratt’s hand, who is smiling widely at her, and Mekhi Phifer is really cute, why don’t they let him smile like that more? He hands a chart to Flight Nurse and backs away from the copter. Way away please, Pratt, because I don’t need to see any more chopped off appendages. Helicopter lifts off as Pratt watches. We see over his shoulder two lights off in the distance, moving towards each other. They collide and we hear an explosion as Pratt turns around to see what’s happened. Pratt watches as two fiery objects fall from the sky, trailing smoke and we hear what sounds like airplane drag.

Luka is washing dishes. What? He has that awesome, yet virtually unlit apartment and doesn’t have a dishwasher? And he’s washing the dishes? And he cooked? See, I knew he was perfect. If he does the laundry too, he’s my soulmate. Abby is drying. So obviously, she stayed. Smart move, Abby. As she is putting glasses away, the apartment starts shaking. And engine and high pitched whistling noises can be heard. She looks up surprised, then looks over at Luka, who is also looking up. Considering that she’s been there all night … and morning … and into the afternoon, you would think they’d be used to the earth moving.

Uncle Jesse gets in the rig, handing Neela a coffee and warning her to be careful because it’s hot, as we hear an explosion and see a flash of light that causes both of them to cringe and look out the windows.

After commercial, TV newscast tells us that two planes collided in mid-air and why do I get the really sneaking suspicion that Abby’s brother Eric was the Air Traffic Controller on duty? Hopefully because he has the whole bi-polar thing going on, he’s not allowed in a control tower anymore. Chi-Chi asks Sam if the trauma rooms are clear. Sam informs him that Sutures and Curtain Two are, too. Jerry tells Chi-Chi that CCU can take Jenkins, and again, off camera patient thing, and Inez says she’ll get him up next. Chi-Chi says that if they walk, they go right to the lobby. A random patient comes up and yells that he’s not moving and that he’s been waiting there six hours with a dislocated finger. Chi-Chi tries to tell him that they have a lot of critical patients in dire need, but Random Patient complains that his finger is critical. Chi-Chi says “excuse me?” and Random Patient repeats. Chi-Chi walks over and wants to see it. He grabs the finger, yanks it back into place and tells him “not anymore” as Random Patient screams in pain. Hee. Jerry tells them to please shut up as he tries to listen to what’s being said on the news. Newscaster says that a single-engine craft struck a passenger jet at low altitude, just a few moments after take-off. Jerry wants to know if it’s terrorists. Sam asks what airline Sally was on. The newscaster continues that the pilot lost control and collided with the ascending jet, and Ray comments to Chi-Chi “So much for conspiracy theory, huh?” Chi-Chi turns off the TV and tells them all that’s it, they are about to get clobbered. He starts barking out orders as the Pulsating Percussion of Precarious Predicaments plays. He wants six monitored beds in Exam Three. Kobayashi starts crashing into stuff as Pratt yells “damn it!” He tells Ray that he has two words for him, “hard restraints” and Ray answers that they’re not allowed to use them anymore. Well, somebody was paying attention to Sally and Chi-Chi’s demonstration of the Freedom splint, water-wing things last week. Good for you, Ray. Evidently, Pratt wasn’t and I’ll bet that neither was Abby. Ray and Sam grab Kobayashi. Ray yells for him to settle down as Kobayashi Mr. Miyagi’s that a warrior’s path is never easy. Pratt thinks they should “snow him with haldol”. Pickman the paramedic wants to know where the Attending is because the Battalion Chief called that there is a possible field amputation. Ray wants to go, but Pratt tells him that it’s not a good idea. Ray thinks he could use the experience. Pratt doesn’t think it’s a teaching drill. He tells Chi-Chi that he is going out with Pickman. Chi-Chi congratulates him and tells him to have her home by 10:00, but in the meantime he asks him to set some equipment up in the ambulance bay. Ray tells Chi-Chi that City fire needs a physician. Pratt says someone with experience. Ray thinks that someone with experience would be better there. Chi-Chi thinks it’s a tough call, and would clearly not like to have to make this decision. Yeah, he is so ER Chief material. Ray reminds him that he’s done his ride-alongs. Pratt asserts that they are going to need crikes, central access, chest tubes. Ray says that he’s good at that as Pratt declares that only if he’s supervised. Pickman tells them they need to roll. Chi-Chi tells Pratt to go, but wants his ass back in an hour. He didn’t specify, but I’m sure he wants the rest of you back, too, Pratt.

Cut to a fireman blowing chunks against the side of a building. Yum. I so needed to see that. Uncle Jesse and Neela jump out of their rig. Uncle Jesse grabs the drug box and airway kit. He hands Partner and Neela triage tags and explains that “Green is nothing, yellow is urgent, red is critical, black is dead”, as they walk towards the crash site. Camera pans back to show us the jetliner, as well as fires and all of the bodies lying in the street. Wow. Uncle Jesse, Neela and Partner peruse the carnage, looking more than a little disturbed. Camera pulls back to show the chaos of rescue workers interspersed with victims. Horrifying images and very well done. Close up on Neela looking disbelievingly at what she is seeing. They walk up to the Battalion Chief who Uncle Jesse calls “Chief Bukata”, who tells them that triage is set up on the north side. Uncle Jesse tells Neela to stick with him as she looks on the ground and sees a blown-up red overnight bag, conveniently just like the one Sally had, and I guess this means I’m not getting the Mouse ears back. The Heavy-hearted Horns of Hellfire and Horrendous Hardships play in the background. He unnecessarily tells her “one patient at a time”. Uh, Uncle Jesse, I know Neela is of Indian background, but she is not a Hindu god with multiple arms, so I think she already knows this. Neela runs over to a crushed car and tries to rouse the driver. His eyes are open and he is burned and staring into space. I didn’t go through medical school and internship, but even I can tell he’s dead, Neela. She keeps trying to wake him. She yells to Uncle Jesse that he’s not breathing and there’s no pulse. Uh, call me crazy, but I think that means he’s dead, Neela. Uncle Jesse tells her to black tag him and move on as Neela hangs a tag around dead guy’s neck.

Neela runs over to a burnt woman that looks a lot like Crispy from the Man With No Name episode, who is lying on the ground. Again, eyes open and staring so that we know she is dead. Apparently, Neela still doesn’t get it and keeps trying to rouse her. Cuts are interspersed of rescue workers and disoriented victims. Neela and Uncle Jesse share a terror-stricken look over the bodies.

Chi-Chi is in the ambulance bay, chewing gum. Nice. And professional. Ambulance unloads a patient and the paramedic tells him “flail chest, respiratory arrest.” Ray comes over as Chi-Chi tells them to move quickly to Trauma One, then ICU. Ray wants to know if Chi-Chi wants him to go with the patient, but Chi-Chi wants him to clear exam rooms. Ray protests that shouldn’t the nurses be …but Chi-Chi cuts him off that he should decide who stays and who goes as Ray rushes back into the hospital. Chi-Chi looks off and says “thanks for coming” as we see Luka and Abby walk up. Luka in t-shirt and jeans. Me like. Abby is wearing the same outfit she was in the final scene of last week’s episode, so apparently this really is supposed to be the next day. Though it seems that only applies to Abby and Luka, because didn’t Ray say he was off for a few days but here he is working a scheduled shift, and we knew that Neela had to work because she was afraid of getting in trouble for skipping the debriefing, but why would she worry if she knew she was going to be on her ride-along? Again, this show makes my brain hurt. Abby asks Chi-Chi where he needs them. He tells her there’s a hypotensive pelvis, ETA two minutes as they walk past him towards the hospital. Luka says they can triage in the waiting room. Chi-Chi questions that, and Luka says that it’s warm and the light is good. How would you know, Luka? You obviously have night vision because of the lack of light in the bat cave, so I don’t think you are the best judge of illumination. They stop to look at Chi-Chi as he scoffs that Luka can’t be serious. Abby glances at Luka, then back at Chi-Chi and tells him that is how they usually do it. Chi-Chi thinks this incident is like Night of the Living Dead, and Chi-Chi evidently has never seen that movie because they are not holed up in a farmhouse, I don’t remember a plane crash and I have yet to see any cannibalism. He thinks if you let the walking wounded through the door, it’s over, then asks them “you got me?” I don’t get what Chi-Chi is worried about, but whatever. He thinks triage should stay right there. Ambulance pulls in and Chi-Chi tells Abby it’s her pelvis, and I really think Luka would be a better authority on that, Chi-Chi.

Sam is on the phone as Inez walks by telling her that the plane was going to Cleveland. Sam says she doesn’t care about that and turns her back, but I can’t tell whether she is saying that to Inez or the person on the phone. Inez tells Ray that Sally was going to St. Louis. So I guess that wasn’t Sally’s luggage and I’m happy because I may get my souvenirs back after all. Ray replies “she’s okay?” as Sam tells phone call that she’ll deal with it. Ray asks her who’s in Two and she answers an altered stroke patient. Ray thinks they should park them in the hallway. Sam nods, and says “please, yes”. Sam looks really frazzled. Ray walks into Exam Two, pulls back the curtain and tells Stroke Patient they are going to have to move him. He goes over to the next curtain pulls it back, and sitting on the bed is Liv. She apologizes about her dad. Ray pissily says she’s not supposed to be there. She thinks he’s so cool for not pressing charges, and I don’t think it’s that great of him, Liv, considering he’s technically a statutory rapist and all. Ray tells her it’s not a good time. She says okay and asks if he gets off at 8:00. Not with you he’s not, Liv. Ray meant what he said about not seeing each other anymore, and she knows, she thinks that just because Teller’s a jerk doesn’t mean they can’t keep it going. Liv is so joining Abby and Mrs. Moe at the funny farm. Ray bitches that he got his ass kicked once and he doesn’t want to go to jail. Liv thinks they could keep it a secret, like Romeo and Juliet as Ray starts moving Stroke Patient. Um, Romeo and Juliet ended up dead, Liv, so I’m sure Ray’s not to thrilled with that plan. Pushing the gurney through the doors, Ray tells her to leave. She thinks he can’t just walk away. He asks that doesn’t she have some homework to do. Hee. She protests that she’s not a child, which makes both Ray and me scoff that yes, she is. She argues that she’s his girlfriend, and he’s tells her she’s not. And to prove how mature she is, she screams “Yes, I am!” as Abby bursts in with her unstable pelvis patient and Ray goes over to help her. Pushing the gurney, she tells Ray it’s 90 palp after a liter in and asks if he can check the dorsalis pedis. Liv screeches down the hall “I love you, Ray!” Abby looks back at her, and Ray covers by gesturing back towards Liv and laughing tells Abby “Clogged earwax. I had to help clean her out”. Abby doesn’t care any more than I do. She rolls her eyes and facing forward again, still walking, says “whatever”, and without missing a beat she ducks as we see Kobayashi flailing out an arm. Abby keeps walking as the arm clotheslines Ray, and he goes down. Hee. Great comic timing by Maura Tierney in that bit. She asks what the foot pulses, and looks back as she realizes Ray isn’t answering. Hee.

Someone is pulling a tarp over a blackened body. Nice. Partner and Neela are wrapping bandages around an old woman’s head as we hear someone yell her name. She looks up and sees Pratt coming towards her and asks what he’s doing there and he says he heard they needed help. Chief Bukata is telling Pickman the Paramedic that the fire’s knocked down at the fuselage and she yells “let’s go” to Pratt. Uncle Jesse is pulling a stretcher with Woody Evans, 85, auto vs. pedestrian, blunt chest. And we see that it’s Jerry’s Uncle Leo from Seinfeld. Neela tells Partner that their patient is not critical and to move her to the yellow tarp. She asks Uncle Leo how his breathing is. He says that it’s been better and that something fell and hit the car, and the car came right after him. Is it Christine? Because I don’t think it purposely went after you, Uncle Leo. Neela tells him to take a deep breath. Uncle Leo wants to know if the driver is okay, as the camera shows us a pancaked car. Guess not, Uncle Leo. Uncle Jesse tells him they’ll have to check on that and says that the BP is 95/60, tachy 120. Uncle Leo asks if they’ve seen a dog around. Uncle Jesse tells him to hold on and that they are going to give him some oxygen. Uncle Leo tells them he was walking the dog, but they are a little preoccupied with trying to treat him to pay much attention. Neela tells him he’ll feel a big stick in his arm as he “ow”’s. Uncle Jesse wants Uncle Leo to look at him as he puts oxygen tubes in his nose. Uncle Leo says it’s a cocker spaniel and have they seen it. I think they have more things to worry about right now, Uncle Leo, so shut it. Neela tells him to hold still as Uncle Leo goes on that maybe the dog didn’t get hit, because they’d have seen it if it did. Well, if it’s a little cocker spaniel, it very easily could have been squished under any of the debris piled around, Uncle Leo. Neela and Uncle Jesse want him to stay still as he starts yelling “Riley! Hey, Riley!” Guess there’s one more for Abby’s Asylum. Neela gives Uncle Leo a “put a sock in it” look.

We see more stuff burning and more Kentucky Fried corpses. Pratt and Pickman the Paramedic walk up to the plane’s burning fuselage. Pratt says “oh, man” as we see fireman pulling out bodies. Pickman asks a fireguy if they have anything for them, but fireguy tells them “not in there”. Chief Bukata leads them away and says that a guy in the back got lucky. They come up to a chunk of the plane that is not on fire as Doris the Paramedic is putting a collar on the neck of a guy who looks to still be sitting in his seat. Guess they’re not kidding when they tell you to keep the seat belt on while seated. Since he’s the only one around, I’m guessing everyone else was in line for the bathroom or something at the time of the collision. Pratt climbs up to them as Lucky Passenger asks if someone can call his fiancée. Pratt comments that the airway is good as he examines him. Pratt, surprised, says “Strong pulse. Unbelievable”. Lucky Passenger is saying that her name is Lila Frankfurt, as Doris says the line is in and that they need to get him down. Lucky keeps saying that she’s waiting for him. Pickman yells for Pratt as Chief Bukata orders a saw and a backboard. Pratt tells Lucky that he’s lucky, hence why I’ve nicknamed Lucky, Pratt. Lucky’s still asking for someone to call Lila, and seeing as he’s just fallen a few thousand feet, I’ll cut him a bit of slack for being a broken record here.

Pratt runs over to Pickman, who has a guy whose arm is trapped under a huge piece of wreckage. The patient’s name is Adrian and he can’t feel his arm. And he’s played by Paolo Seganti, who used to be Damian Grimaldi on the afternoon soap As The World Turns, and I swear I only watched to avoid going to class in college. Pratt says that the blood pressure’s high, and Damian snarks, “so’s my cholesterol”. Oh, since Damian is so witty in the face of adversity, he’s the patient we are supposed to root for this episode, which undoubtedly means he bites it in the end. Pratt wants to know if he’s taking Viagra, and Damian asks if he looks like he needs Viagra. You can’t see on camera now, but I remember Damian shirtless, and can tell you that he so does not. Yum. Pratt asks him to lift up his tongue, and he spritzs in what looks like some breath spray, because you just don’t feel minty fresh after a plane crash. We hear a saw going and Pratt yells that they need help with the extrication. Chief Bukata tells him to stand by. Pratt tells Damian to calm down, which is weird considering that Damian is actually pretty sedate, and that they are going to get him out of there.

More bodies, more rescues, more chaos. Uncle Jesse and Neela are still with Uncle Leo. Uncle Leo says something I don’t catch and Uncle Jesse’s all “what?” Neela helps that he said “thank you” in Hindi. Uncle Leo tells Neela he had to learn a little in ’44, Army Air Force, and that he flew supplies over the hump to China. Uncle Jesse asks “C-46’s?” as Neela says that she’s never been to India. A woman covered in blood and carrying a little girl comes running over towards them. Oh, great, it’s the Meryl Streep of the tennis world, Serena Williams. I honestly cannot understand a word that she is saying, which is going to make the rest of this recap interminable as I have to keep rewinding and hope the Closed Captioning keeps up. Thanks, Serena. Bitch. Apparently the little girl, whose name is Olive, was asleep when the window blew out and she got cut. Serena’s Closed Captioning (CC) says that her son is on the second floor and that his legs are cut and he can’t walk. Uncle Jesse says they’ll evacuate the apartment. Serena’s CC says that her building is not on fire, but Uncle Jesse replies that it’s a precaution. Serena’s CC thinks she can get in and out real quick and she starts to go, but Uncle Jesse grabs her hand and pulls her back. He tells her to stay there and they’ll get him and runs towards the building. Olive is screaming.

Chi-Chi runs out to meet Lucky Passenger’s ambulance. Lucky’s name is Baxter. Chi-Chi can’t believe he’s still got vitals, as Doris says he’s got a blunt face, penetrating chest. Luka runs up and says they’ve got a trauma room open. And Luka looks like he got a haircut since last week … I mean, last night. Maybe Abby cut it, though she really should do that to her own, seeing as it keeps flopping in her eyes. Doris says that the systolic’s down to 80 as Chi-Chi tells Luka it’s all his. Doris panics that she’s losing the pulse and Chi-Chi wants to prep for a thoracotomy. Luka tells him to hold up, and pulls a bandage off of Baxter’s chest. Baxter takes a deep breath and Doris says that his pressure is coming back up. Luka explains that the dressing converted it to a tension pneumo, and Chi-Chi’s impressed and tells them to go to Trauma One. Luka says he can’t waste a trauma room. Chi-Chi’s all “dude, he fell like 2000 feet”, but Luka thinks Baxter will be just fine with the chest tube and tells them to go to Exam Three as Chi-Chi walks away. Chi-Chi asks Doris where Pratt is and she says he’s coming back on the next run. Luka turns back to Chi-Chi and says incredulously “Pratt’s out there?” Uh oh, I’m again smelling something distinctly equine. Chi-Chi tells him they needed a doc. Luka says “Well, you gave away our senior resident?” Chi-Chi tells him not now, because he’s got to triage. Luka yells that they need their doctors there, not off playing in the field. Shut up, Luka’s High Horse! How could you possibly forget your biggest episode ever “The Crossing” when not one, but three doctors, you, Carter and Corday, went out to the site of the train wreck. Don’t remember you bitching about doctors staying at the hospital then. And didn’t Abby just call you on your Moral Superiority bullshit last week … I mean, last night? Or since you got some, did you just forget about the whole reason she went to your apartment in the first place? I can’t believe I’m actually going to use this word in relation to you, but it really is an unattractive trait.

Pratt is running from victim to victim, making sure they are set to be transported. He asks Pickman how Damian’s chest pain is, and she says it’s down to two out of ten. Pratt yells to Chief Bukata telling him they need help. Bukata tells him as soon as they get two out where they are working. Damian wants to know how his arm is. Pratt thinks it’s hard to say. Damian quips that he’s lucky because it could have been his head over there. That’s it, Damian, keep up the brave face so that we will all be so sad when you croak. Pickman asks if he still lives on Dearborn and he says yeah and that he was just over here to visit his girlfriend. He made her bougatsa, which is custard in phyllo dough. He bakes too? Damian is perfect too. But sorry, Damian, Luka got there first and is still my soulmate. Though if he doesn’t put the High Horse out to pasture soon, and you can bake something with chocolate, I may reconsider. Damian thinks women love a man who can cook, and I am so with you on that because I have a huge thing for Emeril. Pickman says there are PVC’s on the monitor and Pratt calls for lidocaine. He asks Damian if he went to chef school, and he answers that when he was a kid, his mom wouldn’t let them watch TV, which Pratt thinks is rough, because with those love handles he’s been sporting lately, it’s obvious that he has spent a lot of time vegging in front of the boob tube. Damian replies that they could either cook, or read a book, and since Oprah’s Book Club hadn’t been invented yet, he chose cooking. I’m so glad my parents utilized the electronic babysitter, because if my only source of recreation had been cooking, and therefore eating, they’d need a forklift to remove me from the sofa now. Damian starts to say that he never did like … and stops, as Pickman yells “v-tach!” Pratt grabs the defibrillator and tells Pickman to charge to 200. He shocks Damian into sinus rhythm. Damian’s awake and asks “what the hell was that?” Pratt shouts to Bukata that they can’t wait anymore.

Neela and Partner are working on Uncle Leo as Serena screeches something that Closed Captioning (CC) tells me is “My son’s still in there!” Partner tells her that Uncle Jesse went to check on him. Serena’s CC thinks he should be out by now. Neela tries to calm her down that someone will find her son. Uncle Leo magnanimously tells Neela that it’s okay, she should go help Serena. Aw, Uncle Leo, I guess that means you’re going to be pushing up the daisies soon too. Neela thinks he may have injured his aorta. Another crazy lady is bitching because they won’t let her back in to get her stuff and she needs her checkbook and jewelry and what is this, a police state? Lockhart’s Loony Bin is getting pretty full tonight. Serena is pacing. She glances at Neela, then at the cops distracted by Crazy Lady, and makes a break for it into the apartment building. Neela yells for her to come back. Uncle Leo tells her to go, she needs her, and I’m guessing Uncle Leo buys the farm soon. Neela runs after Serena shouting that she can’t go in there. Neela yells “hey, guys!” to try to get someone to help her as she enters. As soon as she gets inside, the building explodes, and we see Uncle Leo, Pratt, Partner, and then Olive all react. The building is an inferno as Olive screams for Serena.

Bukata is talking on the radio telling someone to keep moving because they’ve got people inside. He starts asking into it if Neela can read him. Coughing, she responds that she can. She’s trying to climb through the debris as flames are everywhere and we hear Serena caterwauling. Serena’s CC is yelling if anyone can hear her. The whole world can hear you, Serena, but no one can understand what the hell you are saying. Neela finds where Serena is, and she’s with Uncle Jesse, who has a mid-shaft femur fracture, which sounds really painful but he’s not even wincing. Serena is impaled on something. He yells for Neela to get out of the building. Bukata is asking Neela to talk to him. She says to hold on. Serena’s CC screeches that her son is in 207. I don’t think with all the flames and smoke that Neela is going to be able to read the apartment numbers, Serena. Serena’s CC begs her to help him as Uncle Jesse angrily orders Neela to get out. He reaches over to Serena and wants her to hold his hand, which would be sweet if it weren’t so overly dramatic and if Lt. Gorman and Vasquez hadn’t already done the same thing before they blew themselves up in Aliens. Neela starts running up the stairs, telling Bukata that Uncle Jesse and Serena are trapped inside the basement.

As firemen are preparing to lift the wreckage off of Damian, Bukata implores Neela to give him her location so that his guys can get to her. Over the walkie-talkie we hear Neela say that there is a boy trapped on the second floor and she’s going to get him. Pratt grabs the radio and tells Neela to turn around. She says she’s almost there. Pratt tells her to get her ass out now. Neela ignores him and starts shouting for the little boy. He answers as Pratt keeps saying for her to get the hell out of there. Neela finds the little boy in a corner. She grabs a blanket, wraps him up, lifts him and starts running out. She tells him to cover his mouth. She’s carrying him down the steps as Bukata keeps calling her and asking her to acknowledge. A fiery beam drops on the staircase in front of her. Her radio is laying on a step as we hear Bukata call her again. Then Pratt yells “Neela, respond! Neela!” Damian asks him if someone is in trouble and he replies “a friend from work”. Pickman tells Pratt that there are guys all over the building and they’ll get her. Damian says that if this all works out, he’s baking them a cake. Awww. Too bad, ‘cause I’m pretty sure this won’t work out. Pratt says he more of a low-carb guy, which seems to really be working out for you, Pratt, what with the aforementioned love handles and all. Damian tells Pratt that he can’t just eat to live, and clearly you aren’t looking very closely at Pratt’s expanded middle, Damian, or you’d know that’s not true, but you have to live to eat. Firemen lift the debris, and they pull out Damian’s arm, which is bloody and hanging like limp spaghetti. Pickman says there’s no radial pulse, no ulna. Pratt presses on the arm and asks Damian if he can feel it, but Damian is out of it and goes into v-tach again. They shock him again, but it doesn’t work, as Pratt listens to the chatter on the radio, trying to find out about Neela. Pratt calls for an amp of epi, and shocks Damian again. Still not working. Pratt starts compressions as we hear a voice come over the radio saying that they’ve found a female body on the second floor with no vitals.

Cut to Neela running up the stairs with Little Boy. She trips and falls and lands on her back. She’s in pain as Little Boy yells at her to get up. Yeah, pretty clear he’s Serena’s son because he’s annoying, too.

Jerry runs past Sam in the hall asking who’s next for the OR. Sam says an avulsed ear in two, tib fib in four, then the patient she’s working on. Haleh walks in, pulling off her scarf. Sam thanks her for coming in. Haleh says she’s glad to help and asks if Sally’s there. Sam tells her no, but it’s okay, because she’s just going to tell Sally that’s the way it is. Good for you, Sam, take a stand. Which is easy to do with Sally out of town and not able to do anything about it. Inez walks by bitching that they are out of cefotetan and DT. Sam, harried again, says she’ll call the pharmacy and Haleh says she’ll get to work.

Baxter is having his mouth suctioned and asks if that’s blood, because he definitely can’t see the bloody pulp that his face is. Luka tells him he cracked a bone in there. Abby says he has minimal chest tube output. Baxter asks her who called his fiancée. Luka replies that in a minute Baxter can call her himself. Baxter, holding the suction himself, says that they were supposed to meet with the caterers and DJ tonight. Abby asks for Vaseline gauze, and Luka hands it to her as Baxter continues that tomorrow it’s the flowers and the pastor and that she’ll be worried. Haleh walks in and Luka looks up, smiles and says “Haleh?” She tells him that Sam called and it’s a good thing to because she’s been home for two weeks and her husband was driving her crazy. I’m with you on that, sister. Smiling, Abby tells her that she’s glad she’s back, and she really does look glad. Luka calls for a portable chest. Baxter starts gagging and Haleh says the sats are dropping. Baxter falls unconscious and Abby calls his name and rubs his breastbone, as they lay the bed flat. Luka listens over Baxter’s face and says he’s not breathing. They open his mouth and Abby says that he knocked out the alveolar ridge and fractured teeth nine, ten and eleven, as she puts the suction in his mouth. Luka thinks he must have aspirated the fragment. He tells Abby to do a finger sweep, which since it’s Luka saying it to her, it sounds kind of kinky, but he means on Baxter.

Pratt is doing compressions on Damian as they are wheeling him to the ambulance. Pratt wants to know if they’ve identified the body yet, and Pickman tells him it was a woman in her 80’s and they are still looking. Cut to Neela, still carrying Little Boy, who is asking for Serena. Cut back to Pratt asking if they’ve found anyone else inside. He’s still doing compressions but holds up when he realizes that Damian is awake. As soon as he stops, Damian starts to crash again. He starts compressions again as Damian wakes up. Pratt tells him that his heart has stopped beating and they are doing CPR. Can that really happen? Can you be awake and fully conscious while they are doing that? It’s freaky, and it’s also freaking out Pratt and Pickman. Pratt tells her that the compressions are getting oxygen to his brain. He tells Damian that they are going to get him to the hospital, as they load the gurney on the rig. Pratt, still doing compressions, keeps looking back towards the building that Neela is in.

Neela’s still making her way down a fiery hallway. She’s coughing and stops, as firemen find her. Cut to Neela walking holding an oxygen mask to her face as Bukata bitches at her that she had no business going in there. She apologizes and he continues that she put herself and his men in danger, which she did, but she also saved Little Boy, and probably Uncle Jesse and Serena, too. Neela wants to know if they can talk about it later, and Bukata assures her they will. Neela walks over to where Uncle Leo is. There’s a cocker spaniel sitting next to him. Neela says to him that he found his dog. He doesn’t respond, because of course, it’s dirt nap time. A random paramedic tells her that he probably blew out his aorta. Neela can’t believe it and says she was just talking to him. Well, technically, Neela, that was like twenty minutes ago, plenty of time for bucket kicking as Random Paramedic pulls the tarp over Uncle Leo.

Partner yells for Neela. He’s got Serena on a gurney and there’s something sticking out of her abdomen. I’m not sure what it is, but it certainly isn’t an Emmy award. Partner tells another random paramedic to take the mom and kids together. Serena’s CC thanks Neela. Partner calls for Neela again and says “pressure’s borderline”. Neela, breathing heavily, walks over to Partner and Uncle Jesse, who is lying on the ground with a neck brace on. Uncle Jesse says “distal neuro-circ is intact”. Neela tells him he can stop being the med student, and he replies as soon as she stops being the firefighter. She pulls off the collar.

Abby can’t get whatever it is down Baxter’s throat because his tongue is too edematous, which Google says means swollen with an excessive accumulation of fluid. Luka grabs the tongue with the forceps, which makes me cringe because I can just imagine what that feels like, and tells Haleh to bag Baxter a few times. Haleh says she can prep his neck, but Luka wants Abby to take another look, and says he’ll retract. Abby gives him an uncertain glance, then looks in Baxter’s mouth. Haleh says he’s throwing PVC’s and she’ll get the crash cart. Abby says “there it is” and Haleh stops. Luka pulls back on Baxter’s tongue so that he looks like Gene Simmons from KISS, as Abby sticks the clamp down his throat, says she’s got it, and pulls something out. She holds up what looks like a bone fragment and shows it to Luka, kind of proudly. Baxter gasps and sits up. Haleh, chuckling, says “see something new every day”, as they try to settle Baxter down. Luka calls for 15 liters by mask. Abby smiles at Luka and says “nice work”. He grins at her and tells her she did great, and she literally beams at him.

Luka goes into the hallway as Damian is being wheeled in, Pratt still doing compressions. Pratt tells Luka it’s a probably MI with refractory v fib. Chi-Chi is walking behind them and he and Luka simultaneously say “Trauma One”. Pratt says Damian has an ischemic right arm. Chi-Chi and Luka again say at the same time “Be right in”. They stare each other down. Luka walks over and tells Inez that her patient needs to get to the Suture Room. Chi-Chi doesn’t think so. Luka thinks the lac is complicated. Chi-Chi doesn’t think it’s that complicated. He places something over a gaping head wound as Luka watches. Chi-Chi says “What, you’ve never seen The Zipper before?” as he pulls the zipper closed, snaps off his gloves and walks away, shooting a look at Luka over his shoulder. Luka and Inez have “what just happened?” looks on their faces.

Neela is asking Uncle Jesse if he has any chest pain, and he’s says it’s his belly and thinks he broke a rib. Neela says it’s his liver and tells Partner they need to scoop and run. Partner says they have to wait for another rig. Neela can’t believe they don’t have an ambulance and Partner reminds her that they’ve just sent 30 patients in. Uncle Jesse’s heart rate goes up to 140. He thinks it’s because he’s in pain. Neela says maybe. Uncle Jesse wants them to put him in shock position and elevate his legs. Neela needs to stick his belly. That doesn’t sound like something Gallant would approve of, Neela. Uncle Jesse asks “Peritoneal aspiration?” He starts to tell her that maybe she should numb up his … as she sticks him and he yells. He’s groaning as she says it’s positive. He questions “splenic lac?” and she replies “most like hepatic”, and I am just so lost on this conversation. Uncle Jesse was hoping for the spleen. Neela wants to know if they have lap pads, but Partner says just burn dressing. Neela squirts betadine on Uncle Jesse’s belly and asks Partner for 10 of them and to push etomidate. Partner asks what she’s doing. Neela tells Uncle Jesse that she needs to sedate him, open up his belly, and pack off his liver. She can do that? I guess that was the point of the hand squishing surgery on Ponyboy with Dubenko last week because isn’t that what they had to do to him? Partner can’t believe she’s serious. Neela asks Uncle Jesse if she has his permission. He asks if she’ll go out with him. I can’t believe that Uncle Jesse can still flirt in the face of death, but I guess we’re supposed to find him that charming. Neela gives him a WTF look and says that she needs to do this. He presses that if she didn’t have a boyfriend, yes or no? She says yes, so I’m guessing Gallant ain’t long for this world because I’m pretty sure Uncle Jesse will be back. Uncle Jesse tells her he’s all hers. Neela wants Partner to bag Uncle Jesse while she does this. Neela is talking to herself through each step of the impromptu surgery.

Pratt is shocking Damian again, but still gets v-fib. Ray is worriedly asking him when was the last time he saw her. Pratt reminds him that he told him they were a block apart. Pratt resumes compressions on Damian. Ray thinks Pratt should have kept an eye on her. Pratt ignores this and asks Sam about a pronestyl drip, and she says it’s infusing. Pratt asks Ray if he thinks he could have done better. Ray wouldn’t have let her go into a burning building and sure as hell wouldn’t have left her there. He’s really bitching Pratt out. The way Ray is acting, seems pretty sure that he has a thing for his “roomie”. Damian opens his eyes as Pratt is still pounding on his chest. Sam says “guys”, and they look over at Damian. Ray looks shocked that he’s awake. Sam holds Damian’s head and tells him that he’s doing okay. Ray wants Pratt to take a break, but Pratt says he’s got it. Ray insists as the Sonorous Synthesizer of Sorrowful Situations plays. Pratt tells Damian that they are doing what they can. Sam holds up Patient Communication Board that Sally Vanna White’d last week, and I really hope they wiped off Abby’s “This Is Ass”, because I don’t think Damian would enjoy the joke right now. Sam tells Damian that all he has to do is point. He points to “unsure” and Pratt explains that they are using all the medication they can to fix his heart and sometimes it takes a while. He then points to “family”, and Sam asks if he wants them. She tells him that they’ve called him and they are on their way. It’s hard to watch this because he’s awake during all this CPR and is cognizant of the fact that it’s what’s keeping him alive, and it’s really unsettling.

Neela and Partner are wheeling in Uncle Jesse. Neela is still coughing and breathing heavily. She yells to Chi-Chi that it was a 15-foot fall and she packed off the liver. Chi-Chi’s incredulous that she did it in the field as Abby comes running up behind Neela. Chi-Chi remarks “damn, girl”, as Neela states that he was about to arrest. Abby asks if he was awake when she opened him up. Neela says she had etomidate. Chi-Chi says to Abby “It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it? Always the quiet ones”. Chi-Chi says that he’ll take Uncle Jesse up to the OR and let Dubenko finished what she started. He looks admiringly at Neela and says she has “big huevos, Neela. Big brass ones. And they look good on you”. Hee. Neela calls after him that she had no idea what else to do, as Abby asks if she’s okay and that they need to put her on a pulse ox. Abby wants to examine her, but Neela, wheezing, says she’s fine. Abby says “yeah, you sound terrific” and holds Neela’s head so she can look up her nose. Neela insists she’s okay. Abby tells her she has singed nasal hair which indicates substantial smoke inhalation and steers her over to a pulse ox. Neela says she just needs to wash off a bit and Abby says that she’d hate for her to stop breathing. Neela snarks that she’d hate that too. Abby argues “Neela, come on” as she puts on the finger probe. Neela bitches “can’t I just pee first”, and Abby replies that she’ll get her a bedpan. Hee.

Abby’s listening to Neela’s lungs in the Curtain Area. She tells her “94 on room air. That’s not great. And there’s some expiratory wheezes.” Neela, still breathing hard, says they’ll pass, but Abby thinks they might get worse. She tells Neela she’s a little bit worried. Neela doesn’t respond, so Abby sort of chucks her under the chin and says “hello?” Neela apologizes. Breathless, she goes on that today was so terrifying and amazing, as Abby looks at her, concerned. Neela’s eyes are a little wild as she continues that there were no labs, x-rays, rapid infusers, cut-down trays, just her. Neela says “Maybe it’s the adrenaline, but …I feel high. I need to go back out.” And she looks high. Abby smirks at her that it sounds like she should call for a psych consult. Given the track record of the Psych Department, I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Abby. They might take you instead, especially considering the diminished capacity you yourself were showing by actually wanting to leave Luka’s bed earlier. Barmy bitch. Neela inhales deeply on the nebulizer and tells Abby there are still patients out there, and Abby says they are being handled. Inez interrupts to tell Abby that Dubenko called and Alice Watson died on the table. Abby nods sadly and thanks her. Neela asks if it was a patient of hers and Abby nods and says “impaled abdomen”. Neela asks “from the crash?” Abby nods and Neela asks where her kids are. Guess Alice was Serena. Too bad …but not really. Abby says they are in Exam Two. Neela gets up painfully and starts walking over there. Abby calls after her that she needs to be monitored, but Neela ignores her and goes in. Abby walks over and watches through the window and sees Neela sits down with Serena’s kids as the Turgid Tune of Terminated Tennis Toppers plays.

Luka is walking Baxter’s gurney towards the elevators. He calls to Abby and she rushes over, asking how Baxter is doing. Luka tells her his lung is up after two chest tubes and they are going up to ICU. Baxter mush-mouths, because he’s missing all those teeth, “I stopped breathing?” Abby tells him it was more like holding his breath. He wants to know if he could have died, and Luka says “theoretically, yes”. Abby ironically tells him that she thinks he was in more danger on the plane. Baxter’s all proud of himself because he cheated death twice today. You obviously haven’t looked in a mirror, Baxter, because once you see what you look like and realize you’re going to have some hefty dental bills, you won’t be so smug. Luka thinks Baxter’s lucky. Abby glances at Luka weirdly, because she’s apparently thinking about how he got lucky earlier. Baxter guesses that he should feel bad, or guilty or something, but the truth is, and then crying like a little girl says he feels happy. He has a second chance. He tells them he’s calling off the wedding. Luka looks at Abby, who, a little surprised, shoots a look back at Luka, then smiling, tells Baxter he might want to sleep on that, probably thinking about what she slept on last night. Baxter’s been sleeping his whole life and never does what he wants to do, or says how he really feels. He’s not in love with his fiancée. Luka thinks that maybe the two of them should talk about that, as Abby looks up at him. Baxter says “screw that! Screw it! No more messing with could’ve, should’ve, would’ve. Carpe diem!” Hee. Baxter’s cracking me up. Abby seems amused too and swinging her arms tells him as he’s getting loaded onto the elevator “alright, well, good luck with that”. As the door starts to close, Baxter says “besides, I’m pretty sure I’m gay”. Hee. Luka and Abby grin and share a look.

Ray is still doing compressions on Damian. Pratt asks if he’s getting tired, but he isn’t. Sam brings in Damian’s girlfriend, brother and uncle and says that she explained everything. Pratt says he’s sorry and that they gave Damian every kind of medication possible and nothing’s working right now. Ray tells them that Damian’s awake and they can talk to him. Uncle tells him to hang on because everyone is coming. Ray looks up and sees Neela in Exam Two and tells Pratt to check it out. Ray smiles and Pratt guesses that she’s okay and Ray agrees.

Sally walks over to Admit as Jerry says in his best schlock horror voice “Ah, it’s alive”. Hee. Sally says that they shut down the Dan Ryan and that it took her two hours to get there. She asks where Sam needs her. Jerry suggests Peoria. I’d be careful if I were you, Jerry. Since you abhor violence, and she has already told Morris that with her extensive knowledge of the human anatomy she could kill him with her middle finger, I’m thinking Sally could easily kick your ass. Sally asks how they did. Sam chirps, “still here”. Sally’s surprised there are no ICU boarders. She asks if they are re-open for trauma, and Sam says “yup”. She asks Jerry to call housekeeping for T-one, pharmacy is there to restock. Kobayashi, who I didn’t realize is just wearing tighty whities under the robe and I so did not need to see that and the only person whose underwear I am in the least interested in is Luka’s, and preferably when they are being taken off, asks if someone can remove the water-wing looking Freedom splints they restrained him with earlier. Sam tells Sally to go for it. Sally asks Kobayashi why he’s restrained and he says he has no idea. Sally spots Haleh pushing a gurney. She makes a “what have we here?” face as Sam notices Sally noticing Haleh. Jerry points to what looks like the family from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and tells Sam that the rest of Damian’s family is here. Sam says she’ll be right there. Sally asks what Haleh is doing there. Sam turns away and says that Exam Two is going up to Four-West and she is going to help Pratt with the trauma. Sally asks if Sam brought her back. Sam says yeah, Haleh is one the best nurses in town and they were getting their asses handed to them and she did whatever she thought she could. Sally looks pleased and says “good move” and walks away, leaving Sam and her flat hair to be like WTF?

Neela is walking out the doors with Abby right on her heels. Abby tells her she needs a chest x-ray. Neela bitches that she told her she’s fine. She wants Abby to tell the kids that she’ll check on them in the morning. Abby says “Oh, Neela! Come on”. Neela complains that she’s been on for 16 hours. Abby counters what if her lungs get worse. Neela says she’ll call 911. Abby pleads with her to just stay in the hospital and sleep in the call room, but Neela wants to be home tonight, in her own bed. Abby thinks that might not be safe. Neela pissily says that if she starts to die, Abby will be the first one she calls. Abby says fine, she’ll come and stay at Neela’s place. Neela doesn’t think that’s necessary. Neela’s being a bit of a pain in the ass here because Abby is genuinely concerned about her. Abby wants to know if there is anything she can say to get Neela to stay. Neela says no. Abby blurts out that she slept with Luka and stops walking, as Neela retorts “Yeah, nice try”. Ha!!! Neela goes up the steps towards the El, as Abby stares after her, with a look that says she realizes not only what she said, but what she had done.

Pratt is doing compressions on Damian as his family gathers around. Uncle wants to know how it’s going to go if they stop. Pratt replies that there will be a lack of oxygen to the brain and he’ll pass out, like he’s going to sleep. Girlfriend, who’s all weepy, asks if he’ll be in pain. Weepy is not a good crier and looks more constipated than caring. Sam assures her that he’s had a sedative and he’ll be comfortable. Damian is watching Pratt. Weepy asks Pratt if they’ve done everything. He already told you that, Weepy. I get that you are upset, but you are really annoying. Pratt tells her they have. Damian touches Pratt’s hand and Pratt asks if he wants him to stop as the Somber Strings of Subsequent Sadness play. Pratt asks if he’s ready and Damian blinks. Weepy starts weeping and Damian grabs her hand. Pratt stops compressions. Weepy starts wailing, unconvincingly, thus ruining any sadness I might have had about Damian’s passing. Thanks, Weepy. Pratt, Sam and Ray are more believably grief-stricken than Weepy. Pratt says he’s sorry as Weepy warbles. Pratt walks out, tossing his gloves away. He meets Sam in the hallway. Sam thinks Damian was a lucky guy. Pratt answers that he’s dead. Kind of negates the luck thing there, Sam. Sam clarifies that a lot of people loved him and he got a chance to say goodbye.

Chi-Chi is on the phone telling someone that they have to stop calling him. He says because they’re done and have been done. He’s telling whoever that they are not listening to him. He condescendingly says “let me say it to you really nice and slow for the last time. I … don’t … love …you. Go back to your husband”. Ooh, Chi-Chi. I’m disappointed … and intrigued. He hangs up. Turning around he spots Luka who is putting on a scarf and coat. Chi-Chi puts his arm around Luka’s shoulder and suggests that they have a little sit down. Luka says probably, but Chi-Chi thinks definitely and that they are both captains on this team and if they break down the whole machine breaks down. Luka’s not really listening to him. Chi-Chi says that they just can’t have that, especially on days like today. Luka says he agrees. Chi-Chi goes on that he thought he was the incident commander and thought he was clear and … Luka interrupts that they should talk tomorrow, and walks away. Chi-Chi thinks tomorrow is great. Luka walks out the door as Chi-Chi says after him that he’ll be there all day, 8:00 to 8:00.

Abby is walking back towards the hospital. Luka walks out into the ambulance bay. He’s all bundled up, and she’s just wearing her lab coat and the low cut top. She doesn’t seem cold, so this is weird. Seeing her he says “hey”, and she grins at him and replies “hi”. They stop and stand there, kind of awkward. Playing with her hair, she says “rough night”. He’s glad it’s over and she agrees. Another uncomfortable silence that she breaks by asking if Baxter got upstairs okay. Luka says that he’s fine, but he’s not so sure about his fiancée, and they chuckle. Simultaneously, they say “I was thinking …” Both smiling, he apologizes and she tells him to go ahead, he says no and she again tells him to go ahead. She nods at him and he says okay. They both keep looking at each other and looking away. He folds his arms across his chest as she stands with her hands in her pockets. He says “I was just thinking about …”, then looking at her and a little bit more surely says “I was thinking … about what happened … last night”, and then looks down. She nods and glances away, smiling. He looks up at her. Still looking off, she nods, raises her eyebrows, and looking more than a little pleased, says quietly “it was nice”. Luka looks at her quizzically, because that is apparently not the word he would have used, and says “nice?” Playing with her hair yet again, Abby looks at him apprehensively and self-consciously replies “yeah … wasn’t it?” He says “no … yeah … of course” and grins sheepishly. Abby pointedly questions “but?” Luka asks “what?” and she replies quickly “I don’t know”. He shakes his head a little and looks down. She gazes at him, shrugs, shakes her head and kind of smiling asks “I don’t know … what do we do now?” He shrugs and replies that he’s not sure. Another awkward moment as he looks like he is either trying to get his courage up or trying to find the right words to tell her something. He smiles and in a really husky and incredibly sexy low voice says that for a long time, even when they weren’t connecting a lot, she has been the one person that he could count on. Nodding, she agrees that she feels like that too. I am so glad they both said this because it just very succinctly sums up what their relationship has been. He says it means a lot to him … that friendship. Abby looks stunned, then really disappointed, you can actually see her thinking “Oh, God, no, not the ‘let’s just be friends speech’”, as she nods and sadly replies “me too”. He gazes at her. She steels herself and preemptively strikes, “So? Maybe we should just leave it at that then.” Luka looks a bit crestfallen, like this isn’t the way he meant this to turn out, and looks away. He stammers “I don’t know …I don’t want to lose that … if that’s what you …I mean, if that’s what … what’s the best”. Abby interrupts “so what we’re just saying is that we’ll just stay friends, then?”, looking at him closely and obviously wanting him to disagree. He nods, a little dejectedly, and asks if she needs a lift. Looking a little taken aback, then conspicuously covering, she says no, she has some stuff she needs to finish inside. He looks down, then says “good night” and she says “see ya”. They start to walk, almost bumping into each other, back up, then walk off in opposite directions, he towards Jumbo Mart, she towards the hospital. She turns around, clearly wanting to say something else to him, but stops as she sees him continue to walk away. She turns back and heads towards the doors. She’s rubbing at her chest, almost like she’s wearing a necklace, which she’s not, and playing with it. He stops, turns around and watches her keep walking. Even with all the miscommunication, this was a very cute scene.

Neela, coughing, opens the outside door to her apartment building, but something makes her stop and turn around. As she does, she sees Gallant getting out of a cab across the street as the Saturated Symphony of Sappy Romances play. He turns to see her. Her face lights up. She runs across the street and flings herself into his arms, and he hugs her tightly as tears stream down her face and they block traffic. After the day Neela has had, even my cynical heart is a little touched by this.

Once again, no Morris. Why bother to make Scott Grimes main cast? Not that I’m complaining, because it was another really good episode.

And now hissy fit time. The assholes at my local NBC affiliate here in Philly decided that it was more important to break in and tell me that it’s cold outside, like I didn’t already freaking know that, than it is to show me the promo for the next episode! Weatherman Glenn “Hurricane” Schwartz is now my nemesis and I wish I had a voodoo doll of him, too. As it is, I will be wishing all sorts of hateful things on him for the next two weeks, or until some kind soul takes pity on me and sends me a clip of the promo. And while I was having my conniption, I managed to wake up all three kids. Yay, me. Except, not.


At 12:35 AM, November 21, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

discovered your blog while reading on aeb. i love your recaps.

j from east bay, cali.

At 12:04 PM, November 21, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your recaps are the BEST! Thank you! :)

At 12:46 PM, November 21, 2005, Blogger lisa said...

Great Recap again! I have something to look forward to Mondays now.


At 2:21 PM, November 21, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thought I'd share....I was the editor of the guide at TV Tome for about 5 seasons. I used to have to post the cast list, and NBC10 was my nemesis too! They are horrible about cutting into the show.

At 6:28 PM, November 21, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love it, please keep it up, very funny yet insightful- you are doing a great job recapping the Luka Abby relationship. Thanks

At 7:28 PM, November 21, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too am a big fan of your recaps!! I love your reactions to the scenes and the way you describe them makes me replay the episode in my head. (which this season is a good thing since they've gotten SO much better!!)

At 10:39 AM, November 22, 2005, Blogger Charon said...

Once again, you cease to amaze me! Your recaps are awesome! Yeah, I almost wore out the rewind button on the TIVO with that Luka scene! I look forward to your recaps as much as I look forward to the weekend!

At 8:52 AM, November 23, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so glad that you are a fellow Luka worshipper-thank god they finally allowed him to extricate himself from that painful Sam/Alex melodrama. So far this season I see a lot of good things for Luka in his personal life. As you can tell I am a total Luby lover and I am so glad to read the Luka/Abby recaps on Monday morning. You are doing a great job!

At 6:01 PM, November 23, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

love the recaps. just discovered them from a forum on twop. keep up the good work! :)

At 11:28 PM, November 23, 2005, Blogger mackiaveli said...

Love the recaps this season they are great & ER has much improved this season. Keep the funny recaps coming mate.

At 12:49 AM, November 24, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You gave me a much needed laugh! Thanks!
I love Abby and Luka!!!!!

At 10:34 AM, November 24, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really love your recaps. You have made me fall over laughing with every one so far.

Thanks so much for recapping!

At 6:56 PM, November 24, 2005, Anonymous Faith said...

u make me LOL dude! I woke up my 21 month old who was sleeping in my earms as I read this, lol, she wasn't too happy, i wasn't either, but it was totally worth it, ur MT homicidal thoughts crack me up! I wish I was her sometimes too.

At 8:08 AM, November 25, 2005, Anonymous Elise said...

I found your blog while looking for ER spoilers. Wow, your recaps are amazing! I love the details you've put in, and your hilarious commentary. Can't wait until I'll get to see this episode (I'm in Sweden, we're only at 12:02), though you describe it so well it almost feels like I've already watched it. Thank you!

At 7:06 PM, November 25, 2005, Blogger Eli said...

You realy make me laugh a lot with your Luby scenes descriptions.

Excelent work. Thanks.


At 11:30 PM, November 30, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice work! Glad someone took pity on ER since TWoP dropped it.

At 9:46 PM, December 02, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok I cannot WAIT until you recap the newest eppy!!! Luka still has me going crazy after that amazing display of hotness :D

At 7:34 PM, January 23, 2006, Anonymous LoveER said...

I've just discovered your blog. It's amazing!!! No one has so complete recaps. Girl, you really made me live this eppi we have not yet seen in South America. It will be aired next thursday.

And I also needed a couple of cigarrettes thinking about Luka nude... even though I don't smoke since I had my son. I'll have a cigarrette and a beer next thursday while wathcing this eppi.

From now on I'm also your fan!

At 3:28 PM, March 17, 2006, Anonymous Christal said...

This is freaking hilarious. I LOVE THE RECAPS! I have 2 little girls, don't know how you do it!!!

At 9:30 AM, March 20, 2006, Anonymous Welleg said...

great recaps!

You forgot a Top Gun name though: Goose - played by none other than Anthony Edwards

At 5:14 PM, October 17, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How come it comes better with the time???
Miss your recaps sooo much ... Hope to read your recap of Abby's last eppy!


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