Thursday, January 11, 2007

In an Exclusive Interview with The Pretty, Cranky Talks About Her Decision to Quit Recapping

The Pretty: I’m here today … well, actually, since last night … and morning … and into the afternoon … With the Cranky Recapper … Thanks for being here, Cranky.

Cranky: Oh, it’s my pleasure, The Pretty … Believe me … Pleasure … Really …

The Pretty: Cranky, word on the road is that you’re thinking of giving up recapping.

Cranky: On the street … and yes, I’m afraid that’s true.

The Pretty: But no … say it ain’t so … Who’s going to chronicle my time in the Hair Salon?

Cranky: Well, maybe you and Abby are just going to have to expand your repertoire to include playing Stenographer and her Dictation Machine … Bitch …

The Pretty: But … but … what about tracking my moods through my shirt colors?

Cranky: … And include Fortune Teller and Her Crystal Ball … Bitch …

The Pretty: Or encourage me to corral my High Horse of Moral Superiority?

Cranky: … And Cowgirl and Her Saddle … Bitch …

The Pretty: This is very upsetting … Why, Cranky? … Why?

Cranky: There are a number of reasons, The Pretty. One is that lately it has become increasingly more difficult to do, to the point where it’s more like a job than an extracurricular activity.

The Pretty: … Extracurricular activities … I have quite a few of those of my own … and they usually involve lathering, rinsing, and repeating …Hmmmmm …

Cranky: Bitch ….

The Pretty: Oh, yeah … where was I? … Um, any other reason?

Cranky: Well, The Pretty, I originally got into this recapping thing on a lark. A friend of mine in England was lamenting the pending lack of recaps for ER at the end of Season 11, because they’re months behind the US for new episodes. Since my least favorite character was finally leaving and I thought it would infuse the show with more energy, which it did, I thought it might be fun to write about, so I told her that I would recap for her so she’d know what was going on. She suggested doing it as a blog. So that summer I just started out typical blogging to get used to writing, then wrote a recap of an old Afterschool Special with everyone’s favorite ex-Blind Prairie Bitch, Melissa Sue Anderson, for another friend, and then dove into ER’s twelfth season …

The Pretty: … and The Hair Salon …

Cranky: Well, it really does all come back to the hair.

The Pretty: But why stop now?

Cranky: Lately outside stuff … you know, like everyday life type of things and all that … has been infringing on recapping time, so much so that after tonight, I will be four eps behind - well, three and a half, really, since I have been working on one – and while I was hoping to get caught up by February Sweeps, if today is any indication, with it’s steady stream of time-consuming interruptions and distractions every time I sit down to write, that seems unlikely.

The Pretty: You have been lagging behind on the recaps …

Cranky: Yeah … I started out the season on track with the recaps, then it seemed like things began to conspire against my finishing them in a timely fashion – from computer issues to unrelenting greatly annoying health problems - it just seems that maybe somebody is trying to tell me something.

The Pretty: And you think that something is that you should give it up?

Cranky: That and I, unfortunately and regrettably, am also the type of person who does not respond well to nagging - so a constant barrage of emails asking when the next recap is going to be posted makes me even less inclined to keep plugging away at them, and more inclined to just sit back and enjoy The Pretty … I mean, “the show” … without the worry of having to think of something to say about it, and the great amount of time spent actually saying it.

The Pretty: I guess I can understand your just wanting to admire the view … You mentioned health problems … Didn’t my prescription and private personal attentions cure that?

Cranky: Well, unfortunately, that was a temporary fix, and then you went back to playing Hide The Antlers with the Skanky Elf … Bitch … and without my treatments, I’m afraid the condition has worsened.

The Pretty: Oh … well, we’ll just have to do something about that won’t we?

Cranky: What did you have in mind, Doctor?

The Pretty: Well, first, you have to promise to not quit recapping altogether.

Cranky: … I don’t know …

The Pretty: Look, if I promise that you’ll not be bugged about updates and can work on the recaps when you are able, will you consider continuing?

Cranky: … Well …

The Pretty: And if I make sure The Dwarf has to pull a lot of double shifts so that you’ll have my undivided attention for some rejuvenating deep intensive moisturizing salon treatments and full body massages, would you reconsider?

Cranky: Hmmm … if you put it that way … When would we start?

The Pretty: This concludes our interview with the Cranky Recapper.

Editorial Note: Cranky will be continuing to provide her recapping services … but only after she has been fully serviced herself …