ER 12.5 Wake Up

Previously on ER: Olivia from Ceasefire tells Pratt she saw his father (Danny Glover, aka Mister from the Color Purple) and he said he’d stopped by to see Pratt and she asked how it went and Pratt said “Quick”; Abby asks Stephanie if she’d been advised to have a double mastectomy and told her there have been a lot of advances in reconstructive surgery, but Steph wanted to know if Abby could guarantee her that it would mean she wouldn’t get cancer; Dubenko told Abby that he has prostate cancer; Luka’s coma patient woke up and he wanted to know what the last thing she remembered was and she asked if she were in an accident.


Okay, the title of this episode is “Wake Up”, but didn’t the coma patient wake up last week? I’m already annoyed. Weaver is on her cell phone walking through the ER doors, again, should she be doing that? I thought you weren’t allowed to use them in a hospital, but this is TV so I should probably just stop worrying about it. Weaver is leaving a message for a Dr. Clemente because he is apparently late for his first shift. Way to make a good impression. Weaver is wearing the Lilly Pulitzer Breast Cancer Scarf that the women of ER modeled. Nice touch. She leaves a message that unless Dr. Clemente’s plane went down or he got hit by a bus, he best get in there as soon as he gets that message. I would so be looking forward to working there if I got that message. And the way this show is with tanks rolling up the street and dropping helicopters on people, I wouldn’t be surprised if they killed the new doctor off before he even started. Kerry spots Luka who is carrying his jacket and is buttoning his cuff. She tells him she needs him to wait because Pratt is running late and the new Attending hasn’t shown up. And Luka has on one of his blue shirts. I love this color on him and can only think of it as “Luka Blue” and hope he has a closet full of them. He looks yummy and I’ve already forgotten my annoyance. Thanks, Luka. Morris overhears her, checks his watch and snarks “It’s his first day, you’d think he’d want to make a good impression”, to which Weaver replies “You never did”. Hee. I’m so glad we have already seen more of Weaver in the first few episodes than we did all last season. Luka is signing off on a chart and tells Weaver that he has to go, but to page him if the new guy doesn’t show. He goes to the elevator.

As the elevator doors open Luka goes to walk in and almost collides with Abby. They seem to be running into each other a lot the last few weeks. Again, I wonder where this is going. But then again, not. Abby says “whoa” and they do that shuffle dance where they try to step around each other. She asks him where he is rushing off to and he’s says he has to go upstairs. She starts to ask why and he starts to say something, but she stops herself and tells him to never mind. Then she says amusedly, “The last time I reached out to someone, Dubenko tried to make me his concubine”. She did not just tell him that! Well, yes, she did. The elevator doors starts to close, and Luka’s head keeps moving with it as he looks at Abby like “what did you just say?”. His face was priceless. I mean, it is anyway, but his reaction was really funny. I would also like to think that this means Abby might have learned her lesson about being a buttinski, but I doubt it. And surprise, her hair is not looking bad this episode. Finally, maybe I won’t have to be all about the hair and can concentrate on enjoying the show.

But no, Pratt has other ideas for me. He walks through the doors saying “ah, hello my people”. Shut up, Pratt! Just when I was starting to actually like you, you have to sound all arrogant again. I’m annoyed again, which means more bitching. Weaver tells him he’s late, and he says not according to him. Weaver bitches that he is according to her and she has 20 patients on the rack. I guess that explains why she, Abby and Morris are just standing around. Sam walks through the doors supporting a patient and saying that she needs a monitored bed. Her patient is played by John Leguizamo, whom I love, but can never see as anyone but Chi-Chi Rodriguez from the cross-dressing classic To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. Please tell me Patrick Swayze and Wesley Snipes are going to show up to. When Luka’s not on screen, I need some more pretty, and Pratt ain’t cutting it.

Abby tells Sam they don’t have a monitored bed and says to do a 12 lead in the hallway. Morris asks if Susan is coming in, and Weaver responds “Dr. Lewis is never coming in again”. Wow, pretty definitive there. Guess Sherry Stringfield’s revolving door has been nailed shut. Morris, Pratt and Abby all stop what they are doing and stare at her. Weaver tells them she took a tenured track position in Iowa City. Again, wow. Not only is she off the show, but they’ve banished her to Iowa. Guess you should have given the producers more notice, Sherry. Abby asks “just like that?” And I’ve never actually said this before but, Shut up, Abby! I thought you and Susan were supposed to be friends. Guess you are only a buttinski when it comes to guys who either already have or want to sleep with you. Weaver replies “just like that” and continues that it’s why Dr. Clemente is supposed to be there now. Morris wants to know who he is and Weaver replies that he was Residency Director at Jacobi in the Bronx, before doing a stint in Newark. Pratt wants to know if he’ll be the new ER Chief, and Weaver says they are forming a search committee. Pratt responds that the guy wouldn’t be there if he wasn’t trying for it, but Weaver ignores him and says “hey Abby, vomiting blood”, which I guess is referring to a patient because Abby seems fine. Abby says “my favorite”, because it’s getting near Halloween and she’s been working too many night shifts. Weaver hands her a chart and then tries to pass one to Ray who is walking by, but he says sorry, he’s on his toxicology elective and was just coming down to remind everyone about his gig tonight and hands flyers to Jerry and Neela, who is also just standing around at the desk. No wonder the board is backed up. Jerry reads the flyer and says “Pogo Lounge”. Morris asks if that’s a strip club and Ray says it’s behind the Lava Lounge, which used to be called the Aqua Lounge. Ray, referring to Neela as “Roomie”, asks if she is going to come and she deadpans “It’s why I wake up in the morning”. I love Neela. Her hair is kind of Cher-like flat and straight today. Ray doesn’t seem to appreciate Neela’s humor as much as I do and makes a face before watching her walk away.

Morris starts to hand charts off to some med students, but one of them stops him, saying that they aren’t really doctors to which Pratt snarks “that never stopped Morris”. Hee. Okay, Pratt, you made me laugh so I’ll think about letting you back in my good graces. Weaver tells Morris that they are pre-med students who are collecting data for her study tracking patient through-put time. Morris responds that if “we don’t start moving the meat, they’re going to be unemployed”. Uh, here’s a thought – maybe you could see a patient or two, Morris. But no, that would require actually walking away from the Admit Desk, which none of them seems to want to do today. Pratt complains to Weaver about wanting him to supervise everyone else and take on three new patients, and Weaver tells him “you’re an R-4, stop whining”. Oh, Weaver, I have missed you. Pratt wants to know where she’s going, and she responds the “Weaver Lounge”, to work on her presentation. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that Ray’s band won’t be playing there, but maybe the Indigo Girls will. She tells them not to bug her with anything less than a meteor crash, which you shouldn’t joke about Weaver, because I wouldn’t put it past these writers.

Sam calls to Pratt that she needs a doctor. She hands him the EKG, saying that it looks good. And it looks like she’s wearing one of Ray’s inappropriate t-shirts, which I am not going to even speculate about except to again question why there is no dress code at this hospital. And her hair is flat. I guess I am going to be about the hair again this week. Pratt asks Chi-Chi where the pain is. Chi-Chi is breathing hard and says that he doesn’t feel pain, just something “right here” and rubs the middle of his chest. Pratt asks him what it feels like and he says it’s really heavy, like a boulder and he can’t breathe. Pratt nods like he knows what’s going on and takes out what looks like breath spray and asks Chi-Chi to open up. Is his breath that bad, Pratt? I think you can cut him a break if he’s having a heart attack. Chi-Chi grabs his hand before he can spray and tells him that he did two lines of coke the night before and a bottle of tequila. Pratt’s all “what?” Pratt looks at him disgustedly and not just for the breath thing and says “you did?” and Chi-Chi says he took three Viagra. Pratt and Sam exchange looks and Pratt wants to know why Chi-Chi didn’t mention anything before. Chi-Chi snidely says “aren’t you supposed to take my history?” Pratt wants to know who he is. Chi-Chi says that he’s Victor Clemente, the new Attending, and congratulates Pratt for just killing him. Great. Another asshole. They’ve been so lacking in that department.

After the credits, Laura Innes, Maura Tierney and Linda Cardellini, wearing the breast cancer scarves, are standing in Trauma Yellow doing a public service announcement for the purchase of the scarves, proceeds of which go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. For actresses, all three are very stilted and not at all natural sounding reading off cue cards. Guess it’s a good thing none of them has ever hosted Saturday Night Live. They tell us how we’ll see the scarf on tonight’s episode, which I again think is a nice touch. Maura Tierney actually seems kind of nervous and her hands keep fidgeting. Weird, especially considering she used to do a sitcom in front of a studio audience and this is just taped. And where is Parminder Nagra? She was in the print ad, along with Sherry Stringfield, who I again am going to miss. And her hair.

Weaver is walking with Chi-Chi and Pratt and saying that Pratt is usually very thorough. Pratt bitches that they were getting slammed and Chi-Chi tells him it’s okay, “death becomes me”. Hee. Weaver has a meeting upstairs, but thinks maybe she should stay down here. Chi-Chi tells her to go ahead and take it, he says that “Dr. Kevorkian and I will hold down the fort”. Again, hee. Weaver tells them Jerry knows where to find her, as Jerry hands Chi-Chi a lab coat and takes his blazer. Weaver walks away as Pratt grumbles to Chi-Chi that he sure knows how to make an entrance. Chi-Chi says he’s just trying to get the lay of the land, but Pratt thinks he took it too far. Chi-Chi tells Pratt that he should have seen him at St. Mary’s, because he took it all the way to a rectal, which I hope to God he’s referring to an exam. He tells Pratt that “she was cuter than you, though”. I don’t know Chi-Chi, sometimes Pratt is pretty cute. Chi-Chi’s surprised that they are still using x-ray film because he thought everyone was digital now. He switches the light behind the film on and off, looking like a kid who is in a museum. Sam walks by and Chi-Chi calls out to her that she did a nice job shaving his chest hair, which I’m sure is something Sam is very proud of and wants shouted to everyone in the ER. She tells him “no problem” and totally checks him out, looking him up and down while still walking, which I think is a pretty good skill to have. Chi-Chi complains that it took 24 minutes to get his vitals and he knows they can do better than that. Morris walks up clapping his hands and saying “yes we can” and totally agreeing with Chi-Chi. And of course introduces himself as Archie Morris, Chief Resident, which he should just change to his last name because he says it every time anyway. Chi-Chi says that it usually takes him ten minutes to figure out who the kiss-ass is, but at least they are breaking records somewhere. Yes, I think I am going to like Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi nitpicks that the EKG was prompt, but the resident’s evaluation was sloppy. Pratt’s face drops and he protests that Chi-Chi knows they were busy. Chi-Chi says it’s always busy, always chaos, and always out of control, which of course, he’s right. He explains that he knows they don’t have hours to spend with every patient but their job is efficiency and excellence, as Abby and Neela listen in. He goes on that they are marksmen and they have to hone in on what’s important and hit the target with one shot and move on, as Abby narrows her eyes at him. She whispers to Neela that they should call Psych on this guy. Not a good idea, Abby, since this show has shown repeatedly how inept that department is. She walks over towards the desk, smirking. Chi-Chi looks at her and asks who she is. Abby introduces herself and says she’s an R-2. Chi-Chi sneers that Weaver was talking to him about her and that he wishes he could say it was all good, but it wasn’t, and walks away. Morris grins and follows him. Abby has a really funny expression and slides her eyes then her head over towards Pratt, who gives her a “dude, I know” look back.

Morris goes over and pulls down the Board to start presenting patients. Chi-Chi’s again in the Museum of Outdated Medical Equipment and is all excited to see the “grease board”, because he hasn’t seen one since the 80’s. Would a trauma center in a major city like Chicago really be that far behind the times? Chi-Chi prefers walking rounds because he thinks they all learn that way. As they follow him, Neela tells Abby that she thinks Chi-Chi is “kind of hot”. Oh, Neela, last year you had a crush on Luka and I was totally with you on that, but Chi-Chi? Hot is not the first word that comes to mind. Abby says she thought Neela had a boyfriend, and Neela replies that “he’s at war and so are my hormones”. Hee.

Luka knocks on a door. Blair, the girl who woke up from the six year coma last week, is sitting up in bed and brushing her teeth. She tells him to come in. He smiles and asks how she is. She smiles back and tells him that the toothbrush feels like a hundred pound weight. He says that’s normal after such a prolonged bed rest. No kidding. I’m surprised she even has use of her appendages. Wouldn’t they have atrophied? She asks him to please tell her that he brought some Rocky Road and a cheeseburger. I wouldn’t be so demanding, Luka. I’d be glad enough just for you to have brought yourself. He ignores this, looks at her chart and tells her that he just came by to test her muscle tone again. Since when do ER docs follow up with patients like this after they’ve been moved to another floor? She keeps going, asking “so no fries?” Get over it, bitch. I could feast on the smile he just gave you alone. She bitches that at least he’s not Dr. Shulansky, who brings tours through there like she’s a freak at the Wild Animal Park. She’s really acting like a bratty teenager, even though she was in her mid-20’s when she went into the coma. Luka tells her that the doctor is excited that she’s awake. Blair wiggles her fingers saying “she’s alive … she’s alive”. Luka grins at her. He holds out both hands with two fingers extended on each and tells her to squeeze his hands. She gets to touch him, too??? Lucky. He tells her she feels a little stronger than last week and asks her to try to lift her leg, which she can a bit. He tells her it’s good and pushes down lightly on her leg, but she’s unable to hold it up. She looks disappointed, and not just because he stopped touching her, and he says it’s more than she could do last time. She smiles and says that it’s thanks to three hours a day with Helga, the therapist from hell. Luka picks up a teddy bear and says that he sees that she had some visitors. She said it was from her best friend from college, as he sits down at the foot of her bed. Blair continues that she hasn’t seen her friend since graduation and that she asked her for a joint and instead got a teddy bear. Ungrateful. Luka’s says good for her friend because the last thing Blair needs is anything that will interfere with her recovery. Getting annoyed, she says she needs to take the edge off. She keeps going that waking up and finding out that her mom is dead, her fiancé is MIA and she literally slept through her 20’s “is just a little stressful”. Ya think? Luka doesn’t know what to say. Blair asks him if Dr. Shulansky said anything about the accident. Luka says that all he knows is that she and her mom were driving and it was some kind of traffic collision. She says she remembers that much. They were on their way from the final fitting for her wedding gown. She explains that it was strapless with a tulle skirt. Honey, you’re not talking to Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I really don’t think Luka cares what your dress looked like and can you really not think of a better thing to be doing with him? ‘Cause I got ideas. She continues that she wouldn’t even let Jason see it. Luka asks if she’s spoken to her fiancé. She smilingly tells him in a total Valley Girl drawl “that would fall under the heading of ‘scared as hell, don’t know how to do that one’.” Luka grins at her.

Chi-Chi is explaining to Neela and Abby that a “lowered tidal volume of six cc’s per kilo decreased mortality from 40% to 31%”. He tells them “you twirl a knob, you’re gonna save a life”, then pushes the touchpad on a monitor. Where’s the freaking knob? Looking at Abby, he condescendingly says “okay?”, hands the chart to Neela, then walks away. Abby stares at him as the patient’s mother thanks him in Spanish, and he answers. Morris comes up to Chi-Chi and tells him how cool his shoes are, as Abby and Pratt exchange smirks in the background. Those two have been doing that a lot the past few episodes. Morris asks Chi-Chi if they’re Adidas, and Chi-Chi tells him to “get laid”, as Neela and Pratt grin behind them. Shouldn’t mention that in this hospital, Chi-Chi, because Abby just might ask her new friend the “satisfaction facilitator” from last week to help with that. Morris takes them to Boris Nadinovitz in the next bed, who’s wearing a mask covering his mouth and nose. He presented with fever, lymphadenopathy, which is enlarged lymph nodes, and night sweats. Of course, Chi-Chi starts speaking in Russian as he examines Boris’ neck. Morris is in awe. Chi-Chi asks Morris what his diagnostic approach is. Morris stutters skin test for TB and Cocci, histo. Chi-Chi says good, as Pratt spots something and walks away.

Pratt walks up to a tall guy in a suit at Admit. He says “Dulcey Watson” and they hug each other. Closed Captioning says the name is “Dorsey”, but Pratt said “Dulcey”, so that’s what I’m going with. It’s been six years since they’ve seen each other. Pratt was in his second-year in med school when Dulcey graduated. Dulcey wants to know what Pratt is doing here, and Pratt says he works here. Pratt says that the last he heard Dulcey was in Winnetka doing lipo on rich chicks. Dulcey says he is but one of his patients had a half-price tummy tuck from some hack and ended up at County. I would think a tummy tuck is something you wouldn’t look to a discounter for, but maybe that’s just me and I tend to be a bit cautious when it comes to being cut open. Chi-Chi calls to Pratt calling him “Killer” and wants him to re-join them on Rounds. Dulcey tells him he’ll “holla at him” before he goes.

Luka is dialing the phone in Blair’s room. He hands it to her telling her to be relaxed and try to sound calm and that it “will be weird for him at first”. Blair’s all “you think?” She’s nervous and says that it’s ringing. Luka tells her to take a deep breath. A doctor with a bad toupee walks in and asks what’s going on. Blair holds up her hand as someone answers the phone and she asks “Is this Jason Clark’s house?” Luka walks to the doorway to talk to Dr.Toupee. He tells him that she’s calling her fiancé, as we hear Blair in the background saying her name and that she is an old friend of his from the Art Institute. Luka tells Dr. Toupee that she’s doing great. Dr. Toupee is amazed by her progress. He says he’s been trying to help her for over four years and all of a sudden this happens. Cut to Blair saying quietly, “yeah, it’s really me”. Luka wants to know what Dr. Toupee was treating her with. Dr. Toupee says it was an experimental cocktail of fluoxtine, sinemet, and dextroamphetamine. Luka wants to know if she’s still on them and Dr. Toupee says not anymore. Luka says that Blair has asked him about what happened, how she got hurt. Dr. Toupee takes Luka outside and closes the door. Dr. Toupee thinks it’s better not to talk to Blair about it yet. Luka asks if there is something she should know. Dr. Toupee says the accident was violent. He hands Luka the file and says that Blair and her mom were carjacked and her mom was raped. Luka asks “and shot?” Dr. Toupee nods and says that Blair was pistol-whipped when she tried to fight them off. Yikes. They would have killed her too, but someone pulled up. Luka thinks she still has a right to know. Dr. Toupee thinks she’s in a fragile state and telling her could set her back. He thinks she needs to get healthy first, then hear this news at the right time, from someone close to her. Luka says she has no family, which wouldn’t Dr. Toupee know if he’s been treating her for four years? Clearly, Dr. Toupee is an idiot. And wouldn’t someone from Psych be involved in all this? Oh, wait, considering this Psych department, dumb question. Dr. Toupee dismisses Luka by clapping him on the shoulder and assuring him that Blair will be told “in good time” and leaving. Luka looks through the door at Blair.

Abby is presenting a rather large 22 year old girl who has recurring headaches. Abby’s giving off a bit of an attitude towards Chi-Chi, because she has her arms folded and is looking at the ceiling as she tells him there’s no history of migraines and Chi-Chi cuts her off to say there is a history of idiopathic intracranial hypertension. Large Girl says when she gets headaches, they usually just take out a bunch of spinal fluid. Chi-Chi scoffs and tells her they don’t do that anymore. Neela says “we don’t?” and Chi-Chi says that now that they know it is caused by “sagitall sinus thrombosis resulting in a decreased CSF reabsorption at the arachnoid sinuses”. Abby turns to Neela and says “I didn’t know that”, and Neela raises her eyebrows and shakes her head that she didn’t either. Chi-chi says that heparin is the treatment of choice, as Malik hands something to him. Chi-Chi tells Large Girl that he is going to place a drop in her eye. God, I hope she doesn’t cough after this and we have a repeat of the kid who’s eyeball popped out last year after Jake put the drops in, because that was like one of the worst things ever on this show. And that was Abby’s patient, too. Yeah, I so wouldn’t go to her. Abby tells Chi-Chi that Large Girl still needs an LP for diagnosis. Chi-Chi tells her not so fast. He goes on that in the Annals of Emergency Medicine May 200 … and Abby chimes in “5”? Chi-Chi says no, and Neela says “3?”, and he again says no as he touches Large Girl’s eye with some kind of device that actually looks like a home pregnancy test and it beeps. Large Girl guesses “4?” and Chi-Chi awards her ten points. He goes on that intraocular pressure correlates with intracranial pressure. He reads the pregnancy test as 54, he says the diagnosis is made, and he tells Large Girl she doesn’t need the spinal tap. Haleh calls to Abby that Oncology is on the phone for her. As she turns to go get it she tells Neela “if you ever say he’s hot again, I’ll knee-cap you”. If you are going to go all Tonya Harding on her ass, Abby, you really should pull your hair back in a pony-tail. Abby walks towards the desk and Haleh tells her that a patient of her is freaking out. Abby’s surprised and says “in Oncology?”

Abby gets off the elevator and asks a nurse “who is it?” The nurse tells her it’s Stephanie Lowenstein, double mastectomy. Is that her title now? Like Archie Morris, Chief Resident? The nurse tells Abby that Steph is upset because they couldn’t do the reconstruction. Abby wants to know why. Nurse tells her they found an enlarged lymph node. They told Steph that the pathology isn’t back, but she wouldn’t listen, and she says it’s all Abby’s fault and that she smashed a mirror. They enter Steph’s room and Abby says her name. Steph doesn’t want Abby there. Steph has her coat on and is getting her stuff together. Abby says she just wants to help and Steph angrily replies as she waves her hand in front of her chest “you call this helping? This is not helping!” Abby tells her she understands how she feels, and Steph cuts her off yelling that she has no idea how Steph feels, which really, Abby doesn’t. Steph pushes past them out the door and Abby follows her. Steph goes to the elevator and Abby tells her that she has to let them get the results back and figure out how to proceed. Steph wants to know what they’ll do, cut her up some more? She says “to hell with your damn tests!” as she frantically pushes on the elevator button. She’s totally on the verge of losing it. Abby keeps asking her to listen. Steph’s through waiting for the elevator and heads for the stairs, shouting at Abby that she ruined her. Abby says she knows she’s scared, and Steph furiously replies “Is that what I am?” Abby calls after her that just because they found a node it doesn’t mean she has cancer.

Stephanie bursts out of the doors yelling that she needs a cab. Abby is right behind her telling her that she needs to come back inside and let them treat her. Steph’s trying to look through her bag for money and then she falls to the ground. She sits there still looking through her purse. Her hands are bleeding from the mirror she smashed. Abby crouches next to her and tells her that everything she is feeling is normal and that it is going to take some time. Steph forcefully states that she doesn’t have time. Abby tells her that’s not true. Steph heatedly asks who is going to marry someone who is going to need chemo for the next ten years? Who’s going to have a kid with someone who could die before they go to high school? Abby tries to reassures her that if they had trouble making a diagnosis, it may not be cancer and if it is, because she had the surgery they caught it early. Steph tries to struggle to her feet, Abby helps her. Steph’s in pain and doesn’t really want Abby to touch her, but she can’t stand up by herself. She tells Abby that she doesn’t believe her. Abby says it’s the truth and that she did what she had to do and she’s incredibly brave. She shakes Abby’s hand off and asks “then why do I feel like this?” Abby tells because it’s scary and it’s unexpected. She tells Stephanie that she doesn’t have to go through it alone. Steph pushes her away and tells her to “get the hell away from me”. Abby pleads with her to let her take care of the cuts. Stephanie keeps walking and Abby begs her.

Abby is suturing Stephanie’s hand. Steph tells her that she’s tried all the Internet dating sites and that she had re-written her profile so many times “you would have thought it was my thesis”. Wow, I can sympathize because that’s a lot of writing. My thesis for grad school was a few hundred pages. Abby wants to know what happened to Lou, who was played by Miranda’s ex-boyfriend Skipper on Sex and the City. Abby liked Skipper. Well, yeah, he brought Steph pizza and chocolate, what’s not to like? Steph grins and says she didn’t think he could handle all this. She says Skipper said he’d come back after the surgery, but … Abby then says she never liked him, he’s a jerk and a good thing Steph found out early. Steph smiles. I must have missed something because she’s seemed to forgive Abby awfully quickly. Stephanie says she doesn’t want to freeze her eggs or buy milk on the Internet. You can do that? Do you get it through Ebay or are there Lactation Nation websites or something? Weird. Steph says she wanted to breast feed. That’s sad because you really do kind of need breasts to do that, unless she borrows that feeder thing that Chuck strapped on last year to feed Cosmo. Though since they’ve moved to Iowa, I guess Steph is shit out of luck on the borrowing. Abby puts Neosporin on Steph’s hand. Steph asks Abby isn’t she afraid she’ll wind up the auntie? Is this another thing I’ve missed? I don’t remember Abby telling her personal stuff about not being married nor having kids. Either they’ve cut a bit out of this story or we’re just supposed to believe that Abby’s discussed all this stuff with her, which is a bit unrealistic since Abby is really good at getting other people to tell her all kinds of personal stuff, without revealing anything herself. It’s a little irritating. And the thought of Abby being an aunt makes me shudder because it means her brother Eric has been procreating and I hope to God that’s not true because I can’t take any more tree-pissing, grave-falling, scenery-chewing Wyczenski’s. Steph goes on about being forced to adopt a kid from Cambodia. Abby thinks Cambodian kids are cute, because Abby’s not known for her political correctness. Steph tells Abby that she knows what Steph meant. Abby replies that if all goes well, she’ll get the reconstructive surgery, her recovery will be uneventful and she’ll lead a perfectly normal life. Stephanie thinks Abby is just giving her doctor talk and doesn’t get it. Abby’s starts to say something, stops, then continues that her mother’s sister died of breast cancer and so did her grandmother. Wow, Maggie’s genes really suck. Not only does she have the bipolar thing, but the increased risk of breast cancer too? No wonder Abby’s so fucked up. Steph looks at her sympathetically and asks about her. Abby’s not looking at her and putting a bandage on her hand. She tells Steph that she’s never even had a mammogram. Now I may be totally wrong about this, but I don’t think this is unusual. I seem to remember Abby telling Carter that she was like 12 or 13 when Maggie tried to commit suicide one time and I though at the commitment hearing they said that was in like 1983, so doesn’t that make her around 35? I thought most women don’t get them until they are 40, though with Abby’s family history, it’s probably a good idea to have one now. And I am way over-thinking this. This show makes my brain hurt.

Doris the paramedic is bringing in Tony Dejesus, with a stab wound to the neck. Chi-Chi asks if he’s having trouble breathing, but he’s not. Weaver’s pre-med students are noting the time of arrival and ask Tony if it was gang-related. He says his “old lady” stabbed him. Nice. Haleh wants to know why she did it. Haleh is looking a bit chunkier than she has the past couple of seasons. I happen to think Yvette Freeman was a bit too gaunt after losing all of that weight, and needed to put a few pounds back on, but I hope she’s healthy and doesn’t gain too much. Tony says she did it because she’s a “psycho bitch”, and I’m so sure he didn’t do anything to provoke it. Chi-Chi wants to know where his residents are. He tells Weaver’s bitches that they are not coming in to the treatment room because he’s not putting on a show for them and tells them to get the hell out of there.

Luka and Blair are sitting at a table in what looks like a really nice cafeteria and not the one the ER staff used to go to and she’s slurping a drink. She’s in a wheelchair. Luka’s drumming his fingers on the table next to his coffee. He’s chewing on his lips and stealing glances at her. Blair tells him that the woman who answered the phone was Jason’s wife. Luka says that six years is a long time. Blair replies that the really hard thing about all of this is that everything has gone on and she still feels that she and Jason were just finalizing their wedding list yesterday. She’s dropped the whole spoiled teenager act and is really reacting with the kind of frustration that I would think she’d be feeling. Luka tells her he’s sure Jason stayed by her as long as he could. She’s holding her head and disgustedly replies that Dr. Toupee told her he only came by twice. Jason sucks. She nastily says that no wonder Jason wanted them to write their own vows because he was probably planning to omit the ‘in sickness and in health’ part. Luka asks if she wanted him to spend the rest of his life hoping for something that everyone said wouldn’t happen, and wow, that statement could apply to him as well. She furrows her brow, looks down, then slurps her drink again as he licks his lips, which is a habit he has that I absolutely love. Blair starts smiling and says that maybe she could be his mistress which as I’m writing makes it looks like she is referring to Luka, but she is obviously not that bright because she means Jason. Luka gets a huge smile on his face which is absolutely the most beautiful thing I have seen on this show in a long time.

Chi-Chi asks which anatomic landmarks define zone two of the neck. Neela replies “the cricoid cartilage to the angle of the mandible”, and Chi-Chi is suitably impressed. He goes on that management of zone two injuries is very controversial and he thinks some people advocate surgical exploration for everything. Pratt’s pretty sure that their surgeons wouldn’t want to explore an asymptomatic patient with a superficial wound. Tony wants them to hurry up because his old lady is going to burn his truck. Chi-Chi goes ghetto on him and says “Well, homes, maybe next time you won’t double dip with your moms-in-law”. See, I knew Tony did something to piss Mrs. Tony off. Tony asks Chi-Chi if he’s seen Mrs. Tony’s mother and says “then don’t criticize”. Shut up, Tony! Doesn’t matter what she looks like, it’s never a good idea to boff your wife’s mother. Chi-Chi says “my bad”. Chi-Chi says to Morris that he’s sure they are all aware of all the implications for immediate exploration and Morris stammers airway compromise, severe hemorrhage or expanding hematoma. Pratt protests that Tony has none of those. Tony thinks that good and they should let him go. Chi-Chi thinks they can always learn from every case and asks Pratt if he agrees. He wants Pratt to tell him about selective management with neck injuries. Pratt’s all “what?” Tony tells him “Brother, keep it short. Don’t go Al Sharpton on his ass”. Again, shut up, Tony! I’d prefer Pratt went all OJ Simpson on your sorry ass. Pratt ignores Tony and tells Chi-Chi “duplex scan endoscopy and gastrograffin swallow”, which Pratt thinks would only be done if Tony had symptoms. Chi-Chi tells him to “slow your roll, bro” and wants to know what proportion of zone two vascular are asymptomatic, and looking at Pratt, directs the question to Neela. Neela says that with significant injury he might have signs of bleeding or hematoma. Pratt says the guy is stable. Chi-Chi replies condescendingly maybe, but nine out of a hundred times asymptomatic patients have lesions that require surgical repair. Then tilting his head says bitchily “how about that, Dr. Pratt?” Pratt takes off his yellow gown and says how about he goes and checks on his asthma patient in Curtain Two. Haleh unhelpfully chimes in that there is no asthma patient in Curtain Two. Pratt thinks maybe he went out for a smoke and heads out saying he’ll go find him as Haleh shakes her head.

Pratt goes out into the hallway where Sam is on the phone with Sally, and I just realize that Sally isn’t in this episode. I’ve been too distracted by Luka in blue. Sam is telling her that she put up the sanitizers as she is putting up a poster. She says that no, she didn’t hand out the pins, but says she is putting up the poster as they speak. Chuny walks up and as is her wont, eavesdrops, or since it’s Sally on the phone I should says Evesdrops, on the conversation. Sam is reassuring Sally that she is using “that special tape that won’t ruin the walls”, as she shares a look with Chuny, then takes the gum out of her mouth and puts it on the back of her poster. Inappropriate t-shirts and gum in the workplace? Real professional, Sam. And I’m pretty sure that poster will fall down once the gum dries out. Sam says goodbye and hangs up the phone. Chuny wants to know if that was Sally and Sam gripes that even on her day off, she calls in. She reaches in her pocket and hands Chuny a pin saying that Sally wants everyone’s hands to be sanitized before they touch a patient. Do they really need to be reminded of that? I would hope they already did that. Chuny reads the button “scrub or rub” and says it sounds kinky. She said that a little too hopefully so Chuny must be a bit hard up. Sam replies that they should be so lucky. I would have some sympathy for you, Sam, except that you had been getting some regular scrubbin’ and rubbin’ from luscious Luka until you proved yourself an idiot by dumping him, so it’s your own fault you are not getting lucky. Moron.

Pratt is on his cell walking back from Jumbo Mart and telling someone he thought they could get something to eat or catch a movie. He says he hasn’t seen that one yet. He had been smiling, but starts to scowl as he spots something. He says he’ll meet whoever out front and hangs up the phone as the camera pans around and we see … Rainbow Head??? Really weird. Why is Rainbow Head sitting on the steps outside of the hospital? And oh, there’s Mister, which explains Pratt’s sudden mood change. He asks how Pratt is doing and Pratt asks if Mister is stalking him. Mister says that he is there for a sick friend, though it is obvious by the way he says it that he’s lying. Pratt asks if Mister is sure he doesn’t have another illegitimate kid up there and starts to walk away. Mister tells him they need to talk. He asks Pratt what he’s doing after work, and Pratt says he has a date. Mister asks if it’s with Olivia because she’s a nice girl and he’s known her since she was in high school. Mister asks him if they can have dinner tomorrow and does he like gumbo. Who doesn’t like gumbo? Because Mister knows a great place and there’s a pool hall down the street. Pratt nastily tells him that they are not going to be eating gumbo or playing pool. Mister wants to know what he would like to do and Pratt tells him he wants Mister to leave him alone. Pratt tells him they are done. Mister understands that Pratt doesn’t want to have anything to do with him, but pulls out the little brother card. Pratt’s pissed that Mister would use Chaz like that. Mister thinks Chaz would like to get to know Pratt, and Pratt bitches that they’ve just met. Mister doesn’t know what Mama Pratt told him, but he thinks it wasn’t everything. Pratt keeps trying to walk away and Mister keeps going that he could explain if Pratt would give him the time. Pratt says he doesn’t have the time. Mister says he’s trying and Pratt defeatedly tells him to stop. Mister tells him that if he wants to drop it forever, then that’s his call, but he’ll have to live with it. They stare each other down a bit, then Mister walks away. This is almost the exact same conversation that they had three weeks ago. Danny Glover must be getting paid a lot to put up with this shit.

Luka is pushing Blair in a wheelchair across a walkway. She’s telling him that she never got the “whole marriage talk” from her mother. She continues that the minute she told her mom she was engaged, she pulled out a trunk and had every detail of the wedding planned. Luka smiles distractedly, but looks as bored by this storyline as I am. She wants Luka to stop so that she can look at the view of … traffic. Uh, I think they had that six years ago too, Blair. Blair watches the street dreamily. Luka says “she wasn’t going to pressure you, huh?” and Blair distractedly says “yeah” because she’s too busy mooning over the cars. She asks him which way Lake Michigan is and he gestures behind him and says you can see it from the other side of the hospital. She asks him conspiratorially if they can go and he says he shouldn’t even have her out of her room. She implores him and he grins and says no. She keeps needling him and then asks what a girl has to do to get a break with you, and unfortunately for her she is three seasons too late for his Man Ho-ing in the hospital supply closets. He chuckles and gives her that lovely smile again, and the scene ends way too soon for me.

Neela and Morris are heading out into the ambulance bay and she is griping that she hopes Chi-Chi doesn’t become the department chief. Morris thought she liked him and she did, until she had to present to him. She starts doing a dead-on impression of Chi-Chi which Morris picks up and the two of them continue until they get to the ambulance. Hee. Then Neela’s all for teaching but she doesn’t think Chi-Chi knows when to stop. Morris thinks he’s annoying, which reminds me of the great quote from Phoebe on Friends, “Hello Pot, this is Kettle. You’re black.” Neela bitches that Morris told him he like his shoes, “you wanker”. Hee. I love Neela. Morris thinks that just because he’s annoying doesn’t mean Morris can’t like his shoes. Sure it does. He asks if she is going to Ray’s gig. Neela says to hell with Ray because she thinks he’s upstairs having a blast, which is of course a segue to us actually having to see Ray. Thanks, Neela. Not.

Ray is in the Poison Control Center and is calling Jerry in the ER. He wants Jerry to save him because he’s bored. Jerry thinks he should picture every woman up there naked, but since every woman on the hotline looks like Frank, I don’t think Ray is going to do that. He wants to know if there are any cases in the ER that he can come down for. Jerry says there are a couple of traumas rolling in as Pratt and Neela rush to meet them. Paramedics are bringing in Lola Simon, a seven-year old with a crush injury. Apparently the guy on the gurney behind them fell on her. Jerry is telling Ray that it’s a seven year old girl and no sign of drugs. Then we hear Leo DiCaprio on the next gurney declaring that he is the king of the world. Ray hears it and thinks he’s on drugs. Doris tells Morris that the guy stood up on the Tilt-a-whirl at the State’s Fair. Jerry thinks he may have just hit his head, but Ray thinks it sounds like drugs and he’s coming right down.

Leo is flipping out in Trauma Green and starts channeling the little girl from Poltergeist and telling everyone to move away from the light as Morris tries to shine his penlight in Leo’s eyes. They are trying to hold him down and Haleh is begging Morris to please sedate Leo, but Morris thinks he has to assess the neuro status first. Weaver’s bitches are watching and taking notes as Chuny takes a hemocue and goes into Trauma Yellow where Pratt and Neela are working on Lola. Dulcey walks in and tells Pratt he’s leaving. Can anyone just walk into a trauma room at any time? Whatever happened to all the security upgrades they supposedly got after Carter pulled his Norma Rae stunt in Season 9? Pratt wants to know if Dulcey is scared of a little blood. Neela wants Lola to squeeze her hand. Pratt is doing an ultrasound and says that there is no fluid in the abdomen and the pericardium is clear. He thinks it’s spinal shock with a high thoracic injury. He asks Dulcey if he’s right, but Dulcey thinks it’s out of his league. Didn’t you go to med school, Dulcey and aren’t you a practicing physician? You’re annoying, too. Pratt teases him and asks whether he remembers Bartlett’s lecture on blunt trauma. I know this a John Wells show, too, but isn’t Bartlett the President of the United States? Unless he means Mrs. Barlett, which would make more sense because at least she’s a doctor. Pratt tells Lola he’s going to “poke her”, making me wish he’d had used a different term because I really don’t need that image. He’s pressing a needle on different spots on her chest before she finally says “ow!” Pratt says she has a sensory level of T-four. Neela looks worried and Pratt asks Lola how she’s doing. A cockroach runs across the floor and Dulcey steps on it. Pratt tells him he just killed their mascot. Hee. Lola starts to barf and they roll her so she pukes on the floor. I think this may have been the first time we’ve seen the vomit this season. Unfortunately, it won’t be the last. Pratt asks for suction. Dulcey stutters that some of the old U of I crew are hooking up at Cherry Red tonight and wants to know if Pratt has plans, because Pratt is clearly not busy at this moment and has time for chit chat. Haleh bursts in and tells Pratt they need him in Trauma Green. Pratt tells Dulcey he’ll try to make it. Haleh yells “Pratt, now!” and Pratt sends Neela because he’s going to intubate Lola.

Neela runs into Trauma Green as Morris is telling Leo that if he doesn’t stay still, he’s going to end up putting the needle right in his heart. Way to calm the patient, Morris. Leo is actually cackling. Neela bitches at Morris that they should sedate and paralyze, and Morris says he would have but Leo took his IV out. Leo wants to know since when Alfred E. Neuman became a doctor. HA. Good one, Leo. Ray comes in and wants to know what he took. Morris thinks maybe coke. Neela says the pupils are dilated. Ray asks him what the hell he’s on and Leo looks at Neela and says “her in a minute”. Really, I’d like to know what you took too, Leo, because you are bringing the funny. Morris can’t find a vein. Neela asks if they can give him Haldol, but Ray thinks he could seize. Neela pushes Morris out of the way so she can try to find a line. Haleh yells again for Pratt. She tells him that the guy is unstable as hell and they can’t get a line. Pratt says he’s tied up. Haleh’s eyes are as big as saucers and she tells him they need help. Pratt tells her they’ll have to get Chi-Chi.

Leo keeps trying to get up. Neela asks if there’s another Attending, but Morris says Chi-Chi’s the only one. Neela says they’ll handle it themselves and says she’s going to do a femoral cutdown. Haleh wants to know if she’s serious. Neela yells that he needs access. Haleh tells her the pulse keeps going up. Ray says they need to slow down his rate. Morris hands Neela the ten blade as Chi-Chi walks in carrying a coffee mug and asking if they have some sugar in there. They all turn to look at him. He snarks that he didn’t know they had a trauma and says his pager’s probably not working. He checks it and disgustedly tells them that it’s working. Morris tells him it was a twenty-foot fall complicated by unknown intoxication. Chi-Chi wants to know what they are doing and Neela tells him a femoral cutdown. Chi-Chi’s all “whoa” and tells everyone to take a deep breath. He sends Haleh to Admit to get his briefcase. Leo starts yelling “banana cheese” and Chi-Chi wants to know what he took. Ray says he won’t say. He guesses that it is a sympathomimetic. Chi-Chi’s got his hands in Leo’s mouth and tells Ray that was a bad guess. He says the skin and membranes are dry so it’s an anticholignergic. Chi-Chi wants to know if the electrolytes are back yet and Morris hands the results to him. Chi-Chi reads the results and asks everyone what they mean. No one knows so Chi-Chi enlightens him that it’s “skittles”. I’ve been eating Skittles for years and have never had a reaction like Leo’s. From Spree maybe, but never Skittles. Chi-Chi says they are very popular with the kids these days, but I think they’ve been popular for a while, Chi-Chi. Apparently the skittles he’s referring to are cold pills with dextromethorphan hydrogen bromide, which would explain the “Sudafed disassociation” I get every time I take them for a cold. Leo does his wacked out druggie schtick and starts yelling and struggling harder. Chi-Chi calls for drugs and Ray gets the syringe. Neela says he still needs access. Haleh comes back with Chi-Chi’s briefcase as Leo yells “I’m Rick James, bitch”, which really made me laugh. Chi-Chi tells him to go to his happy place, though I think judging by the way Leo’s acting, he’s already there. Ray injects him. Morris tells Chi-Chi that Leo has weird anatomy and they couldn’t find the subclavian. Chi-Chi pulls out something that looks like a mini ultrasound and starts putting the wand below Leo’s neck as the Pounding Music of Tense Dramatic Moments gets louder. The wand finds the subclavian and they can see where to insert the line. Neela looks over Chi-Chi’s shoulder and thinks it’s really cool. Ray wants to know if he carries it with him all the time. Inspector Gadget says it’s a demo and that he ran the Phase Three trials. Haleh says the heart rate is down to 80 and Chi-Chi snipes that he guesses they didn’t need the beta-blockers. The way Haleh is looking at him, I think she’s crushing on Chi-Chi big time after this save. He hands the case back to Ray, Neela and Morris who all exchange WTF looks. Chi-Chi starts to leave, then comes back in and tells them that even if they think he’s a pain in the ass, which he is, it should never get in the way of patient care, which it shouldn’t. He asks if they are with him, as Haleh smiles that come hither smile at him some more. The residents just look at him and Chi-Chi says “good”, shakes his head and walks out.

Abby is standing at Admit drinking coffee as Dubenko wheels up to her in a wheelchair. With the hair and the track suit he has on, he looks like he stepped, well I guess I mean rolled, off the set of the Battle of the Network Stars. She says “hey, what’s up?” and he says “well, everything. And almost twice a day.” Way more information than I needed, thanks. And the fact that these two are not the least bit uncomfortable around each other after last week’s indecent proposal is just so realistic. She grins, looks away and congratulates him then says she hears he’s getting out of there today. He tells her that if she thought it stunk working there she should try being a patient and then thanks her for the date. They exchange a look and she says “she told you” and he replies that someone had to pay her, and Abby says it was supposed to be a freebie, to which Dubenko retorts that it was, the first time. Again, a little more info than I need, Lucien. So I guess this means that Kelly the “satisfaction facilitator” from last week actually did do some pro boner work. I honestly thought Abby was kidding when she had asked her, but that’s what I get for overestimating the maturity of this character and the show’s writers. As they keep walking towards the elevators, he tells her that he was at first offended when he found out she was a professional, but then it turned him on. Would these two really be having this conversation in the middle of the ER? Well, yes, knowing Abby, I guess they would. As they get to the elevator, Dubenko says they were both professionals. Abby crosses her arms and knowingly says to him that he didn’t need her after all, and as he gets on the elevator he glances at her then turns away and quietly says almost grinning, “well, I guess not”. Please tell me this is the end of Dubenko’s penile tales of woe, because I really can’t take anymore. And no more of these discussions between these two please, because it’s actually kind of creepy because they really don’t know each other that well and if I’m going to hear discussions about “what’s up” with someone, I’d truthfully prefer that it were Luka. Abby watches the door close and Skipper walks up to her and tells her he doesn’t remember her name. She tells him and then dismissively says that he’s a little late and walks away from him. He follows replying that he came to see how Stephanie is and Abby keeps walking and bitchily tells him that she had her breasts removed and suggests he pick up a pink ribbon on the way out. Abby should really just have her jaw wired shut because everything out of her mouth lately is totally inappropriate. Skipper’s not related to Steph, doesn’t HIPAA prohibit physicians from discussing patient’s medical conditions with anyone without written consent? Guess as always, the rules don’t apply to Abby. Skipper’s surprised and asks “she did?” This really should have been Abby’s first clue that she should put a sock in it, but she doesn’t and she just replies that Stephanie did. Skipper wants to know what Abby’s talking about. Still walking, Abby tells him that Stephanie says he disappeared on her. He’s confused and replies that Steph told the nurse not to let him in, she wouldn’t tell him why she was there and she kept going on about how it wasn’t a good time to be dating anyone. Abby’s a bit taken aback, finally stops walking and asks him why she would do that. Skipper doesn’t know, but he does know that he can’t stop thinking about her and he’s a bit worried. Abby finally looks a little ashamed.

Chi-Chi walks through a door playing with some gadget, saying “do it, do it”. Neela is on the steps behind him and calls him. He’s playing with a Game Boy and is a little pissed because Neela causes him to crash on the motocross game he’s playing. He tells her she should consider getting one of those because it might keep her from hacking up the patients. Asshole. Neela apologizes for not calling him in earlier and tells him that Leo is going up to the ICU. Under his breath, Chi-Chi says they really need to consider using pre-emptive orders. Neela says it was unprofessional of her, and Chi-Chi, not paying the least bit of attention to her, is bitching because nurses are transporting patients and it’s a waste of resources. Neela asks if he is listening to her and he tells her “actually, no”, as he keeps playing his game. When he loses, he turns to her and says that the femoral cutdown has to be a last-ditch effort and Leo wasn’t there yet. Neela thought he was. Shaking his head at her, Chi-Chi tells her that when he was a resident he thought he had the keys to the kingdom too, but that the great thing is, they can always learn, and that’s why he’s there. Neela tells him that sometimes you want to do it yourself and he scoffs that sometimes your ego does, but “the patient would rather that I do it, believe me”. Again, asshole. Neela tells him he’s right, but he says it’s not about being right. He tells her that he considers her, Pratt, Morris, and every resident and every student there an investment in the future. I notice he didn’t say Abby, because I’m sure these two are being set up to have some big conflict. Neela kind of stares at him with the Botox-inducing scowl that she perfected last week as he continues that his dividend comes when something he’s taught them saves a life. His words are kind of trite, but his tone is very sincere. He tells her she should consider surgery as an elective as he walks away. She wants to know why he says that and he snarks it’s because she’s quick to cut and she likes to use a scalpel more than her brain. Once more with feeling … asshole.

Abby knocks on a door. Stephanie tells her to come in. Abby tells her that she’s brought some company and Skipper walks in, carrying a present. Steph’s genuinely touched that he’s there. He tells her that he heard what happened, which is Steph’s cue to bitch out Abby, but she mistakenly doesn’t and instead tells Skipper to come in and sit down. He tells her he brought her chocolate. Even though he’s a bit of a dork, bringing chocolate and the fact that he is looking past the no breasts thing means that Steph should definitely marry him. Abby walks out and towards the elevators, then stops and goes back to the desk. She asks the nurse if she can schedule an outpatient mammogram. When the clerk asks for what patient, Abby gives her name. Good for you, Abby.

Ray is holding a plant and standing in an exam room, three Buddhist monks, one of whom is in the bed, are in the background. Ray is getting bitched out by Toxicology Dweeb Doctor from last week because he missed morning rounds and he’s avoiding Poison Control. Ray tries to explain that he got stuck with a consult because the Zen monks made tea from the plant that he is holding, and it led to vomiting and diarrhea. Yuck. That’ll teach them not to just throw in a teabag. Dweeb doesn’t think that it’s clear cut that it’s a toxicology problem. Ray hasn’t been able to identify the plant on the Internet. Dweeb takes the plant and starts going through all the things it’s not, as Ray spots Inspector Gadget holding up another one of his toys to the window behind Dweeb’s back, where the display shows that he’s written “tabaco gigante!” So Ray suggests that’s what it is to Dweeb, who is all excited when he realizes that Ray may be right. It’s a tobacco plant and the patients may have nicotine toxicity. Dweeb’s all proud of Ray who mouths “thank you” to Chi-Chi, who winks at him. I don’t know whether I love Chi-Chi or hate him. It’s annoying.

Weaver comes up to Chi-Chi and starts bitching about why her bitches are sitting in chairs. Chi-Chi says he doesn’t know “parking garage was too cold?” Hee. She tells him they are collecting data for her. He tells her that her bitches were getting in the way of the work, and she says he should have told them to step back. He says he didn’t overstep, which is such bullshit because that’s all he’s been doing since he got there. Weaver’s pissed because he basically pulled the plug on her study. He says he meant it as more of a time out kind of thing and she retorts that he told her bitches that her study was useless. Quietly, because Weaver’s a bit more discreet than Abby is, she tells him that she knows what happened in Newark and she really doesn’t want a repeat here. Of course, she doesn’t explain it to us. Bitch. And as was bound to happen, Abby is standing nearby and practically gets whiplash snapping her head around at this bit of news, because nothing happens in the ER without Scoop Lockhart knowing about it. Abby looks back and forth between Chi-Chi and Weaver. Chi-Chi is not happy and also doesn’t realize that this conversation is no longer confidential, and since Abby knows something’s up, this will assuredly come back to bite him in the ass. He tells Weaver that she hired him to make the place more efficient, and that’s what he’s trying to do. He says that if and when they start bedside registration it is going to make her study irrelevant. Weaver high-horses that she has a $100,000 grant that says that it won’t. Chi-Chi thinks they should use that money to go digital, because Chi-Chi obviously doesn’t understand how grants work. Weaver gets pissed and tells him that she runs this hospital and starts expositing on all the things that have to go through her. Abby’s smirking at all of this because she’s remembering Weaver giving a similar smackdown to Romano that she was privy to, and that ended with Romano being made another of Weaver’s bitches. Weaver ends with a particularly bitchy rendition of “do I make myself clear?”, to which Chi-Chi says he has one more question and wants to know if his answer goes through her, and walks away.

It’s nighttime and Blair and Luka are on the roof. She’s all excited to see the lake because it’s one thing that has stayed the same. Luka, because he is such a gentleman, puts his coat around her shoulders. He says her they should really get back. She wants to know if he’s always been such a worrier. He rather sadly tells her he’s always had things to worry about. Aww. He needs a hug. Blair looks away, then back at him and asks if he thinks this was God. He doesn’t know what she means and she explains her waking up. He shrugs and says he doesn’t know. She replies that he thinks it was science. He purses his lips and explains that he’s seen deeply religious people where prayer did nothing for them and he’s seen plenty of skeptics experience miraculous recoveries. She asks if he thinks it was fate. He gives her a big smile and tells her he thinks that he’s glad they are both there to wonder about it. Girl, why aren’t you all over him like white on rice when he is being this adorable? Obviously Blair lost quite a few brain cells in her coma.

Pratt’s at Ceasefire and he asks a kid he knows in the hallway where Olivia is and is told she’d down the hall. We hear Mister’s voice in the background. Pratt walks down the hall and spots Mister talking to a bunch of kids in what looks like a classroom. He’s telling them that getting a girl pregnant is 18 years of lockdown, because half your check goes to Uncle Sam and half going for the kid. He tells them that having a kid at their age isn’t what they want to do and holds up a condom. Pratt overhears the whole thing and is so filled with love for Mister. Except, not.

Blair asks Luka if he misses Croatia. He replies that he has family there, but there are more opportunities for him there. He smiles and says he like Chicago. Blair says the winters suck, but Luka thinks you can always go inside to warm up. Oh, I’ll warm you up, Luka. We see Blair having flashbacks of lying next to a car. She tells him that she keeps asking him about the accident because she keeps having flashes that don’t add up. Luka wants to know what kind of flashes. Blair remembers being scared and flashes to lying on the ground and someone grabbing her as the Histrionic Keyboard Music of Carjackings Gone Bad plays in the background. Every time Blair has a flashback, there’s a “whoosh” noise as the scene shifts. It’s supposed to be dramatic, but it comes off really cheesy. She’s saying that they had just gotten coffee and she remembers seeing her mom’s face as we whoosh to a man hitting her with something. Blair is getting more and more upset and she says that her mom’s eyes were petrified. Luka is watching her intently. Blair can hear her mom’s screams but they were muffled by the radio, and she continues that there was blood and laughter as we whoosh to a gun being fired. Blair says she thought this was a dream at first but the images are so vivid as we whoosh to a hand being dragged through blood. Blair’s crying that the images are so clear. Luka puts his arm around her (bitch) and wants her to sit down as he helps her do that. In an abrupt change, she’s clear eyed and her voice is steady and she tells him she knows something else happened that night but not knowing what is killing her, as she breaks down again. Luka bends closer to her and licks his lips, and though I realize it’s not appropriate to the scene, I find it terribly sexy. Blair’s really crying, but now she’s starting to struggle to get the words out. She tells Luka she needs the truth. Luka realizes something is wrong as she is losing the ability to speak clearly.

Cut to Luka pushing Blair in the wheelchair off the elevator. He is imploring her to stay with him. He spots Abby coming down the stairs and tells her he needs a monitored bed. She says to go to Trauma One and wants to know what’s going on as she rushes after him. He yells to Malik to page Dr. Toupee in Neurology. Chi-Chi walks up as Luka is entering the Trauma room and introduces himself and wants to know what the problem is. Luka says she’s not talking. Chi-Chi spouts out some orders, but Luka says Blair doesn’t need them. Chi-Chi asks her “friend” to wait outside. Luka spits out that he’s not her friend as he lifts Blair onto the table. Abby explains to Chi-Chi who Luka is, and Chi-Chi apologizes to him. Chi-Chi is shining a light in Blair’s eyes and asking if she can hear him. Luka tells him her name is Blair. Abby is watching Luka weirdly. Malik comes in and tells Luka that Toupee is at the VA and Luka says “damn it” under his breath. Chi-Chi says Blair’s gaze is fixed to the right. Chi-Chi is calling for a head CT, but Luka says she needs fluoxtine, sinemet, and dextroamphetamine. Chi-Chi doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Luka ignores him and orders Abby to go to the pharmacy to get the meds. She’s looks at him, surprised. Chi-Chi exposits that there is a standard approach to evaluating a patient with altered mental status. Luka replies that she’s not a standard patient and that she’s been on an experimental cocktail and again tells Abby the meds to get. She still doesn’t leave so he shouts at her “Abby, please go!”

Abby is running down the steps to the Overloaded Percussion Music of Relapsing Comas. She bangs on the door to the pharmacy and the bored clerk on the phone finally buzzes her in. She’s out of breath and tells him the drugs she needs. He tells her to write it down. Frustrated, she glares and groans at him, then pushes past him to get them herself, which makes him think she’s crazy because she’s not allowed back there. Dude, you think she’s crazy, you should meet her mother.

Chi-Chi says that Blair’s tests came back normal. Luka replies that he told him that. Weaver says that CT is ready and Chi-Chi wants to move her now. Luka tells them she needs her meds. Chi-Chi reminds Weaver that they could be missing a brain bleed, but she knows. Chi-Chi doesn’t think they have time to screw around. Guess Chi-Chi doesn’t know that Weaver doesn’t swing that way. Luka tells Chi-Chi that the meds woke Blair up from the coma. Chi-Chi snottily retorts that if that’s true there would be coma patients waking up all over the country. All Luka knows is that they worked for Blair. Abby comes back in with the drugs and she and Luka start to mix them. Chi-Chi can’t believe Weaver is going to let them do this. Weaver asks Luka if he’s sure this will work, but he doesn’t answer. She thinks if they don’t a tall guy in a cheap suit from the state will show up and ask questions. Luka tells her it is worth a try. Weaver tells Chi-Chi she’ll give them five minutes as Abby and Luka finish mixing the meds and he draws a syringe. Chi-Chi grumbles to Luka that he’s the physician of record now because Chi-Chi doesn’t want his name on the chart when the family sues. Luka thinks it’s lucky for him that there is no family and injects Blair. Luka starts rubbing Blair’s breastbone to get her to wake up and says “eyes opening to pain”. If Luka were rubbing my breastbone, the last thing I would think was that it was painful. Abby looks at Blair, then up at Luka and says “incomprehensible verbal activity”, which pretty much describes all of her own utterances over the past two weeks. Blair starts seizing and Weaver calls for Ativan. Chi-Chi wants to know if Blair has a history of seizures, but Luka yells “no”. Chi-Chi bitches to him that the meds he pushed could have caused this. Shut up, Chi-Chi! I think that’s pretty obvious. Luka tries to protest that falling drug levels or withdrawal could have done it too, but Chi-Chi just shakes his head. Abby looks up at Luka again, which she’s been doing a lot, and I certainly can’t blame her. Luka calls for another round of Ativan.

Ray walks out of a bar with a heavily made-up groupie who sort of looks like Marilyn Manson. She tells him she really liked the last song and asks if it’s new. He says yeah and that it’s called “Blood Wine”. She wants to know how he thought of it and he said he cut his finger opening a bottle of Merlot. Ray so does not look like a wine drinker to me or that he would even know enough to describe them as more than red or white. Ray wants to know if Manson and her friend are heading home. Manson doesn’t know what her friend is doing. Ray asks if she knows what she’s doing, and she says she knows what she’d like to do, staring at him. Eww. I think Manson must have had a bit too much Merlot herself. Ray tells her to hold that thought, because he’s going to settle up with his boys and he’ll be right back, and I hope to God that expression means he’s getting money from his band because the less I know about Ray settling his “boys”, the better. Neela, Morris and Jerry walk up to Ray. Ray tells them they’re late and Neela bitches that Chi-Chi had them pulling journal articles to justify the treatment of every patient. Again, never said this to her before but, shut up, Neela! A couple of weeks ago you told Clemons the intern that the best way to learn was to look it up and read it yourself, but once you have to actually practice what you preach, all you can do is bitch about. You’ve been hanging around Abby too much. Jerry asks if Ray wants to get something to eat. Ray looks over at Manson and then says he has plans. Morris wants to know if his plans have friends. Ray says he’ll see. He walks over to Manson, who he calls Zoe, and introduces she and her friend to Morris as his “boy”. Enough with your “boys”, Ray. Morris says “what up, ladies?” and asks if they are hungry. Neela and Jerry look amused at his feeble attempt to act cool. Manson’s friend tells him they want to meet the band, and Morris says that he plays drums. Of course he means in a band geek way in the marching band and starts to demonstrate his rat-a-tat-tatting drum line march. As he turns around, he realizes that everyone has left. Hee.

Blair is unconscious and Luka is holding her hand. Get over yourself, Sleeping Beauty! Who wouldn’t wake up to that Prince Charming? But then again, maybe she’s just playing possum to keep him holding her hand, in which case I would give her props for cunning and cleverness. Luka’s asking her to open her eyes. He and Abby are standing on opposite sides of Blair. Abby says what I originally heard as “maybe she’s post-coital”, which if it had been with Luka, might explain the unconsciousness, but realize that she really said “post-ictal”, which the ever helpful Google explains is a period of confusion, lethargy, and deep breathing that may last for 15 minutes to several hours after the cessation of a generalized seizure. Abby looks up at Luka and says that maybe the Ativan hasn’t worn off. Luka let’s go of Blair’s hand and looks at Abby guiltily and says that he shouldn’t have pushed the meds. She tells him he doesn’t know why Blair had a seizure. He’s wringing his hands and quietly says that they may have overloaded her synapses. Abby looks at him then tries to comfort him by saying that there is no way to know why she fell back into the coma. He looks at Abby and says “yeah”, and tries to smile at her but can’t quite do it because he clearly still thinks that it’s his fault. Abby looks at him for a second and then her pager goes off. She tells him she has to go and asks if he’s okay. He nods and she hands him Blair’s chart and leaves, passing Weaver in the doorway. Weaver tells him that the state conservator agreed to admit Blair to the hospital for two days to see if there’s any improvement, and if there isn’t, she goes back to the nursing home. Luka nods and Weaver leaves and that exchange was a little strange because it just seemed thrown in there to give Weaver something more to do.

A Spoken Word performance. Pratt and his posse are watching. Olivia is there, but Pratt is sitting with his back to her, which seems really rude. Pratt’s distracted and not really listening to the guy on stage whining about why he’s doing poetry rather than having become a lawyer. Dulcey wants to know where the waitress is, but Pratt asks what they want because he’ll go get it. Dulcey wants a light beer, and Pratt thinks it’s funny that a lipo doctor is afraid of getting love handles. Well, he can’t really perform a tummy tuck on himself now can he, Pratt? Dulcey says “don’t hate, I look good”. And he does. Pratt should be the one worried about love handles because Mekhi Phifer is looking a little chunky lately. Pratt says he’ll be back and Olivia follows him. He goes to the bar and orders two beers. He sees Olivia and asks rather nastily if she wants something. She’d like to have a conversation because he hasn’t said a word to her all night. Pratt tries to pass it off as not being able to hear in there, but Olivia thinks you can hear everyone just fine. She wants to know what she did. He thinks she should have told him that Mister was at Ceasefire. She wants to know if she has to check the building every time before he’ll come, and he says that she does. Olivia tells him that Mister is the one down there helping the kids. Pratt bitches to her about who she thinks sews up those kids once they leave her place. She says that his father tries to help them before they get to him. Pratt tells her that Mister is a lot of things, but his father is not one of them. He’s just some guy who got Pratt’s mom pregnant. Technically Pratt, that does indeed make him your father. You are a doctor, don’t you know how those things work? Pratt’s pissed because Mister made the same mistake that he’s warning the kids about. Well, duh, Pratt. Voice of experience and all that. Pratt walks out, leaving not only the beers he just paid for, but not telling his friends that he’s going. Nice.

Olivia chases after him telling him that she can’t stop him if he wants to hate Mister, but that Mister is a good guy and runs through all the wonderful things he does. Pratt tells her that’s the problem because he’s waited his whole life to spit in his old man’s face and he’s pissed because Mister is not lying face down in the gutter, but he’s building houses for people for free. Mekhi is really good in this scene. He tries to walk away from Olivia, but she grabs his arm. He tries to shake her off, but she kisses him.

I’m psyched because they start playing James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful and I’ve been listening to that CD non-stop for the past few weeks. But I’m not psyched to see Pratt and Olivia tongue-dancing and then having him push her up against a wall as they start taking their clothes off. And then we cut back and forth between them and Ray and Manson doing the same thing. If I have to watch someone on this show getting naked and getting some, why can’t it be Luka? And wasn’t hearing Ray do the nasty enough? Do I really have to see it? Because, yuck.

Thank God that ended, but we cut to Abby getting a mammogram. She’s standing way too far away from the machine to get her breasts pancaked. I really don’t think Maura Tierney is that well-endowed to justify standing two feet from the squisher. But she does look suitably nervous.

Luka is talking to Blair and saying that he hopes she can hear him. Chi-Chi is watching at the door. Luka is explaining to Blair what happened the night of the carjacking. He looks so sad as he’s telling her, as we hear James Blunt singing how beautiful he is. Yes, James, you got that right.


ER is a rerun this Thursday, which means that I may finally be able to get around to recapping one of the old After School Specials, or ASS as I like to call it, this week. I’m debating on another Melissa Sue Anderson, or moving on to Rob Lowe as a teen father.