Monday, October 24, 2005

ER 12.5 Wake Up

Previously on ER: Olivia from Ceasefire tells Pratt she saw his father (Danny Glover, aka Mister from the Color Purple) and he said he’d stopped by to see Pratt and she asked how it went and Pratt said “Quick”; Abby asks Stephanie if she’d been advised to have a double mastectomy and told her there have been a lot of advances in reconstructive surgery, but Steph wanted to know if Abby could guarantee her that it would mean she wouldn’t get cancer; Dubenko told Abby that he has prostate cancer; Luka’s coma patient woke up and he wanted to know what the last thing she remembered was and she asked if she were in an accident.

Okay, the title of this episode is “Wake Up”, but didn’t the coma patient wake up last week? I’m already annoyed. Weaver is on her cell phone walking through the ER doors, again, should she be doing that? I thought you weren’t allowed to use them in a hospital, but this is TV so I should probably just stop worrying about it. Weaver is leaving a message for a Dr. Clemente because he is apparently late for his first shift. Way to make a good impression. Weaver is wearing the Lilly Pulitzer Breast Cancer Scarf that the women of ER modeled. Nice touch. She leaves a message that unless Dr. Clemente’s plane went down or he got hit by a bus, he best get in there as soon as he gets that message. I would so be looking forward to working there if I got that message. And the way this show is with tanks rolling up the street and dropping helicopters on people, I wouldn’t be surprised if they killed the new doctor off before he even started. Kerry spots Luka who is carrying his jacket and is buttoning his cuff. She tells him she needs him to wait because Pratt is running late and the new Attending hasn’t shown up. And Luka has on one of his blue shirts. I love this color on him and can only think of it as “Luka Blue” and hope he has a closet full of them. He looks yummy and I’ve already forgotten my annoyance. Thanks, Luka. Morris overhears her, checks his watch and snarks “It’s his first day, you’d think he’d want to make a good impression”, to which Weaver replies “You never did”. Hee. I’m so glad we have already seen more of Weaver in the first few episodes than we did all last season. Luka is signing off on a chart and tells Weaver that he has to go, but to page him if the new guy doesn’t show. He goes to the elevator.

As the elevator doors open Luka goes to walk in and almost collides with Abby. They seem to be running into each other a lot the last few weeks. Again, I wonder where this is going. But then again, not. Abby says “whoa” and they do that shuffle dance where they try to step around each other. She asks him where he is rushing off to and he’s says he has to go upstairs. She starts to ask why and he starts to say something, but she stops herself and tells him to never mind. Then she says amusedly, “The last time I reached out to someone, Dubenko tried to make me his concubine”. She did not just tell him that! Well, yes, she did. The elevator doors starts to close, and Luka’s head keeps moving with it as he looks at Abby like “what did you just say?”. His face was priceless. I mean, it is anyway, but his reaction was really funny. I would also like to think that this means Abby might have learned her lesson about being a buttinski, but I doubt it. And surprise, her hair is not looking bad this episode. Finally, maybe I won’t have to be all about the hair and can concentrate on enjoying the show.

But no, Pratt has other ideas for me. He walks through the doors saying “ah, hello my people”. Shut up, Pratt! Just when I was starting to actually like you, you have to sound all arrogant again. I’m annoyed again, which means more bitching. Weaver tells him he’s late, and he says not according to him. Weaver bitches that he is according to her and she has 20 patients on the rack. I guess that explains why she, Abby and Morris are just standing around. Sam walks through the doors supporting a patient and saying that she needs a monitored bed. Her patient is played by John Leguizamo, whom I love, but can never see as anyone but Chi-Chi Rodriguez from the cross-dressing classic To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. Please tell me Patrick Swayze and Wesley Snipes are going to show up to. When Luka’s not on screen, I need some more pretty, and Pratt ain’t cutting it.

Abby tells Sam they don’t have a monitored bed and says to do a 12 lead in the hallway. Morris asks if Susan is coming in, and Weaver responds “Dr. Lewis is never coming in again”. Wow, pretty definitive there. Guess Sherry Stringfield’s revolving door has been nailed shut. Morris, Pratt and Abby all stop what they are doing and stare at her. Weaver tells them she took a tenured track position in Iowa City. Again, wow. Not only is she off the show, but they’ve banished her to Iowa. Guess you should have given the producers more notice, Sherry. Abby asks “just like that?” And I’ve never actually said this before but, Shut up, Abby! I thought you and Susan were supposed to be friends. Guess you are only a buttinski when it comes to guys who either already have or want to sleep with you. Weaver replies “just like that” and continues that it’s why Dr. Clemente is supposed to be there now. Morris wants to know who he is and Weaver replies that he was Residency Director at Jacobi in the Bronx, before doing a stint in Newark. Pratt wants to know if he’ll be the new ER Chief, and Weaver says they are forming a search committee. Pratt responds that the guy wouldn’t be there if he wasn’t trying for it, but Weaver ignores him and says “hey Abby, vomiting blood”, which I guess is referring to a patient because Abby seems fine. Abby says “my favorite”, because it’s getting near Halloween and she’s been working too many night shifts. Weaver hands her a chart and then tries to pass one to Ray who is walking by, but he says sorry, he’s on his toxicology elective and was just coming down to remind everyone about his gig tonight and hands flyers to Jerry and Neela, who is also just standing around at the desk. No wonder the board is backed up. Jerry reads the flyer and says “Pogo Lounge”. Morris asks if that’s a strip club and Ray says it’s behind the Lava Lounge, which used to be called the Aqua Lounge. Ray, referring to Neela as “Roomie”, asks if she is going to come and she deadpans “It’s why I wake up in the morning”. I love Neela. Her hair is kind of Cher-like flat and straight today. Ray doesn’t seem to appreciate Neela’s humor as much as I do and makes a face before watching her walk away.

Morris starts to hand charts off to some med students, but one of them stops him, saying that they aren’t really doctors to which Pratt snarks “that never stopped Morris”. Hee. Okay, Pratt, you made me laugh so I’ll think about letting you back in my good graces. Weaver tells Morris that they are pre-med students who are collecting data for her study tracking patient through-put time. Morris responds that if “we don’t start moving the meat, they’re going to be unemployed”. Uh, here’s a thought – maybe you could see a patient or two, Morris. But no, that would require actually walking away from the Admit Desk, which none of them seems to want to do today. Pratt complains to Weaver about wanting him to supervise everyone else and take on three new patients, and Weaver tells him “you’re an R-4, stop whining”. Oh, Weaver, I have missed you. Pratt wants to know where she’s going, and she responds the “Weaver Lounge”, to work on her presentation. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that Ray’s band won’t be playing there, but maybe the Indigo Girls will. She tells them not to bug her with anything less than a meteor crash, which you shouldn’t joke about Weaver, because I wouldn’t put it past these writers.

Sam calls to Pratt that she needs a doctor. She hands him the EKG, saying that it looks good. And it looks like she’s wearing one of Ray’s inappropriate t-shirts, which I am not going to even speculate about except to again question why there is no dress code at this hospital. And her hair is flat. I guess I am going to be about the hair again this week. Pratt asks Chi-Chi where the pain is. Chi-Chi is breathing hard and says that he doesn’t feel pain, just something “right here” and rubs the middle of his chest. Pratt asks him what it feels like and he says it’s really heavy, like a boulder and he can’t breathe. Pratt nods like he knows what’s going on and takes out what looks like breath spray and asks Chi-Chi to open up. Is his breath that bad, Pratt? I think you can cut him a break if he’s having a heart attack. Chi-Chi grabs his hand before he can spray and tells him that he did two lines of coke the night before and a bottle of tequila. Pratt’s all “what?” Pratt looks at him disgustedly and not just for the breath thing and says “you did?” and Chi-Chi says he took three Viagra. Pratt and Sam exchange looks and Pratt wants to know why Chi-Chi didn’t mention anything before. Chi-Chi snidely says “aren’t you supposed to take my history?” Pratt wants to know who he is. Chi-Chi says that he’s Victor Clemente, the new Attending, and congratulates Pratt for just killing him. Great. Another asshole. They’ve been so lacking in that department.

After the credits, Laura Innes, Maura Tierney and Linda Cardellini, wearing the breast cancer scarves, are standing in Trauma Yellow doing a public service announcement for the purchase of the scarves, proceeds of which go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. For actresses, all three are very stilted and not at all natural sounding reading off cue cards. Guess it’s a good thing none of them has ever hosted Saturday Night Live. They tell us how we’ll see the scarf on tonight’s episode, which I again think is a nice touch. Maura Tierney actually seems kind of nervous and her hands keep fidgeting. Weird, especially considering she used to do a sitcom in front of a studio audience and this is just taped. And where is Parminder Nagra? She was in the print ad, along with Sherry Stringfield, who I again am going to miss. And her hair.

Weaver is walking with Chi-Chi and Pratt and saying that Pratt is usually very thorough. Pratt bitches that they were getting slammed and Chi-Chi tells him it’s okay, “death becomes me”. Hee. Weaver has a meeting upstairs, but thinks maybe she should stay down here. Chi-Chi tells her to go ahead and take it, he says that “Dr. Kevorkian and I will hold down the fort”. Again, hee. Weaver tells them Jerry knows where to find her, as Jerry hands Chi-Chi a lab coat and takes his blazer. Weaver walks away as Pratt grumbles to Chi-Chi that he sure knows how to make an entrance. Chi-Chi says he’s just trying to get the lay of the land, but Pratt thinks he took it too far. Chi-Chi tells Pratt that he should have seen him at St. Mary’s, because he took it all the way to a rectal, which I hope to God he’s referring to an exam. He tells Pratt that “she was cuter than you, though”. I don’t know Chi-Chi, sometimes Pratt is pretty cute. Chi-Chi’s surprised that they are still using x-ray film because he thought everyone was digital now. He switches the light behind the film on and off, looking like a kid who is in a museum. Sam walks by and Chi-Chi calls out to her that she did a nice job shaving his chest hair, which I’m sure is something Sam is very proud of and wants shouted to everyone in the ER. She tells him “no problem” and totally checks him out, looking him up and down while still walking, which I think is a pretty good skill to have. Chi-Chi complains that it took 24 minutes to get his vitals and he knows they can do better than that. Morris walks up clapping his hands and saying “yes we can” and totally agreeing with Chi-Chi. And of course introduces himself as Archie Morris, Chief Resident, which he should just change to his last name because he says it every time anyway. Chi-Chi says that it usually takes him ten minutes to figure out who the kiss-ass is, but at least they are breaking records somewhere. Yes, I think I am going to like Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi nitpicks that the EKG was prompt, but the resident’s evaluation was sloppy. Pratt’s face drops and he protests that Chi-Chi knows they were busy. Chi-Chi says it’s always busy, always chaos, and always out of control, which of course, he’s right. He explains that he knows they don’t have hours to spend with every patient but their job is efficiency and excellence, as Abby and Neela listen in. He goes on that they are marksmen and they have to hone in on what’s important and hit the target with one shot and move on, as Abby narrows her eyes at him. She whispers to Neela that they should call Psych on this guy. Not a good idea, Abby, since this show has shown repeatedly how inept that department is. She walks over towards the desk, smirking. Chi-Chi looks at her and asks who she is. Abby introduces herself and says she’s an R-2. Chi-Chi sneers that Weaver was talking to him about her and that he wishes he could say it was all good, but it wasn’t, and walks away. Morris grins and follows him. Abby has a really funny expression and slides her eyes then her head over towards Pratt, who gives her a “dude, I know” look back.

Morris goes over and pulls down the Board to start presenting patients. Chi-Chi’s again in the Museum of Outdated Medical Equipment and is all excited to see the “grease board”, because he hasn’t seen one since the 80’s. Would a trauma center in a major city like Chicago really be that far behind the times? Chi-Chi prefers walking rounds because he thinks they all learn that way. As they follow him, Neela tells Abby that she thinks Chi-Chi is “kind of hot”. Oh, Neela, last year you had a crush on Luka and I was totally with you on that, but Chi-Chi? Hot is not the first word that comes to mind. Abby says she thought Neela had a boyfriend, and Neela replies that “he’s at war and so are my hormones”. Hee.

Luka knocks on a door. Blair, the girl who woke up from the six year coma last week, is sitting up in bed and brushing her teeth. She tells him to come in. He smiles and asks how she is. She smiles back and tells him that the toothbrush feels like a hundred pound weight. He says that’s normal after such a prolonged bed rest. No kidding. I’m surprised she even has use of her appendages. Wouldn’t they have atrophied? She asks him to please tell her that he brought some Rocky Road and a cheeseburger. I wouldn’t be so demanding, Luka. I’d be glad enough just for you to have brought yourself. He ignores this, looks at her chart and tells her that he just came by to test her muscle tone again. Since when do ER docs follow up with patients like this after they’ve been moved to another floor? She keeps going, asking “so no fries?” Get over it, bitch. I could feast on the smile he just gave you alone. She bitches that at least he’s not Dr. Shulansky, who brings tours through there like she’s a freak at the Wild Animal Park. She’s really acting like a bratty teenager, even though she was in her mid-20’s when she went into the coma. Luka tells her that the doctor is excited that she’s awake. Blair wiggles her fingers saying “she’s alive … she’s alive”. Luka grins at her. He holds out both hands with two fingers extended on each and tells her to squeeze his hands. She gets to touch him, too??? Lucky. He tells her she feels a little stronger than last week and asks her to try to lift her leg, which she can a bit. He tells her it’s good and pushes down lightly on her leg, but she’s unable to hold it up. She looks disappointed, and not just because he stopped touching her, and he says it’s more than she could do last time. She smiles and says that it’s thanks to three hours a day with Helga, the therapist from hell. Luka picks up a teddy bear and says that he sees that she had some visitors. She said it was from her best friend from college, as he sits down at the foot of her bed. Blair continues that she hasn’t seen her friend since graduation and that she asked her for a joint and instead got a teddy bear. Ungrateful. Luka’s says good for her friend because the last thing Blair needs is anything that will interfere with her recovery. Getting annoyed, she says she needs to take the edge off. She keeps going that waking up and finding out that her mom is dead, her fiancé is MIA and she literally slept through her 20’s “is just a little stressful”. Ya think? Luka doesn’t know what to say. Blair asks him if Dr. Shulansky said anything about the accident. Luka says that all he knows is that she and her mom were driving and it was some kind of traffic collision. She says she remembers that much. They were on their way from the final fitting for her wedding gown. She explains that it was strapless with a tulle skirt. Honey, you’re not talking to Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I really don’t think Luka cares what your dress looked like and can you really not think of a better thing to be doing with him? ‘Cause I got ideas. She continues that she wouldn’t even let Jason see it. Luka asks if she’s spoken to her fiancé. She smilingly tells him in a total Valley Girl drawl “that would fall under the heading of ‘scared as hell, don’t know how to do that one’.” Luka grins at her.

Chi-Chi is explaining to Neela and Abby that a “lowered tidal volume of six cc’s per kilo decreased mortality from 40% to 31%”. He tells them “you twirl a knob, you’re gonna save a life”, then pushes the touchpad on a monitor. Where’s the freaking knob? Looking at Abby, he condescendingly says “okay?”, hands the chart to Neela, then walks away. Abby stares at him as the patient’s mother thanks him in Spanish, and he answers. Morris comes up to Chi-Chi and tells him how cool his shoes are, as Abby and Pratt exchange smirks in the background. Those two have been doing that a lot the past few episodes. Morris asks Chi-Chi if they’re Adidas, and Chi-Chi tells him to “get laid”, as Neela and Pratt grin behind them. Shouldn’t mention that in this hospital, Chi-Chi, because Abby just might ask her new friend the “satisfaction facilitator” from last week to help with that. Morris takes them to Boris Nadinovitz in the next bed, who’s wearing a mask covering his mouth and nose. He presented with fever, lymphadenopathy, which is enlarged lymph nodes, and night sweats. Of course, Chi-Chi starts speaking in Russian as he examines Boris’ neck. Morris is in awe. Chi-Chi asks Morris what his diagnostic approach is. Morris stutters skin test for TB and Cocci, histo. Chi-Chi says good, as Pratt spots something and walks away.

Pratt walks up to a tall guy in a suit at Admit. He says “Dulcey Watson” and they hug each other. Closed Captioning says the name is “Dorsey”, but Pratt said “Dulcey”, so that’s what I’m going with. It’s been six years since they’ve seen each other. Pratt was in his second-year in med school when Dulcey graduated. Dulcey wants to know what Pratt is doing here, and Pratt says he works here. Pratt says that the last he heard Dulcey was in Winnetka doing lipo on rich chicks. Dulcey says he is but one of his patients had a half-price tummy tuck from some hack and ended up at County. I would think a tummy tuck is something you wouldn’t look to a discounter for, but maybe that’s just me and I tend to be a bit cautious when it comes to being cut open. Chi-Chi calls to Pratt calling him “Killer” and wants him to re-join them on Rounds. Dulcey tells him he’ll “holla at him” before he goes.

Luka is dialing the phone in Blair’s room. He hands it to her telling her to be relaxed and try to sound calm and that it “will be weird for him at first”. Blair’s all “you think?” She’s nervous and says that it’s ringing. Luka tells her to take a deep breath. A doctor with a bad toupee walks in and asks what’s going on. Blair holds up her hand as someone answers the phone and she asks “Is this Jason Clark’s house?” Luka walks to the doorway to talk to Dr.Toupee. He tells him that she’s calling her fiancé, as we hear Blair in the background saying her name and that she is an old friend of his from the Art Institute. Luka tells Dr. Toupee that she’s doing great. Dr. Toupee is amazed by her progress. He says he’s been trying to help her for over four years and all of a sudden this happens. Cut to Blair saying quietly, “yeah, it’s really me”. Luka wants to know what Dr. Toupee was treating her with. Dr. Toupee says it was an experimental cocktail of fluoxtine, sinemet, and dextroamphetamine. Luka wants to know if she’s still on them and Dr. Toupee says not anymore. Luka says that Blair has asked him about what happened, how she got hurt. Dr. Toupee takes Luka outside and closes the door. Dr. Toupee thinks it’s better not to talk to Blair about it yet. Luka asks if there is something she should know. Dr. Toupee says the accident was violent. He hands Luka the file and says that Blair and her mom were carjacked and her mom was raped. Luka asks “and shot?” Dr. Toupee nods and says that Blair was pistol-whipped when she tried to fight them off. Yikes. They would have killed her too, but someone pulled up. Luka thinks she still has a right to know. Dr. Toupee thinks she’s in a fragile state and telling her could set her back. He thinks she needs to get healthy first, then hear this news at the right time, from someone close to her. Luka says she has no family, which wouldn’t Dr. Toupee know if he’s been treating her for four years? Clearly, Dr. Toupee is an idiot. And wouldn’t someone from Psych be involved in all this? Oh, wait, considering this Psych department, dumb question. Dr. Toupee dismisses Luka by clapping him on the shoulder and assuring him that Blair will be told “in good time” and leaving. Luka looks through the door at Blair.

Abby is presenting a rather large 22 year old girl who has recurring headaches. Abby’s giving off a bit of an attitude towards Chi-Chi, because she has her arms folded and is looking at the ceiling as she tells him there’s no history of migraines and Chi-Chi cuts her off to say there is a history of idiopathic intracranial hypertension. Large Girl says when she gets headaches, they usually just take out a bunch of spinal fluid. Chi-Chi scoffs and tells her they don’t do that anymore. Neela says “we don’t?” and Chi-Chi says that now that they know it is caused by “sagitall sinus thrombosis resulting in a decreased CSF reabsorption at the arachnoid sinuses”. Abby turns to Neela and says “I didn’t know that”, and Neela raises her eyebrows and shakes her head that she didn’t either. Chi-chi says that heparin is the treatment of choice, as Malik hands something to him. Chi-Chi tells Large Girl that he is going to place a drop in her eye. God, I hope she doesn’t cough after this and we have a repeat of the kid who’s eyeball popped out last year after Jake put the drops in, because that was like one of the worst things ever on this show. And that was Abby’s patient, too. Yeah, I so wouldn’t go to her. Abby tells Chi-Chi that Large Girl still needs an LP for diagnosis. Chi-Chi tells her not so fast. He goes on that in the Annals of Emergency Medicine May 200 … and Abby chimes in “5”? Chi-Chi says no, and Neela says “3?”, and he again says no as he touches Large Girl’s eye with some kind of device that actually looks like a home pregnancy test and it beeps. Large Girl guesses “4?” and Chi-Chi awards her ten points. He goes on that intraocular pressure correlates with intracranial pressure. He reads the pregnancy test as 54, he says the diagnosis is made, and he tells Large Girl she doesn’t need the spinal tap. Haleh calls to Abby that Oncology is on the phone for her. As she turns to go get it she tells Neela “if you ever say he’s hot again, I’ll knee-cap you”. If you are going to go all Tonya Harding on her ass, Abby, you really should pull your hair back in a pony-tail. Abby walks towards the desk and Haleh tells her that a patient of her is freaking out. Abby’s surprised and says “in Oncology?”

Abby gets off the elevator and asks a nurse “who is it?” The nurse tells her it’s Stephanie Lowenstein, double mastectomy. Is that her title now? Like Archie Morris, Chief Resident? The nurse tells Abby that Steph is upset because they couldn’t do the reconstruction. Abby wants to know why. Nurse tells her they found an enlarged lymph node. They told Steph that the pathology isn’t back, but she wouldn’t listen, and she says it’s all Abby’s fault and that she smashed a mirror. They enter Steph’s room and Abby says her name. Steph doesn’t want Abby there. Steph has her coat on and is getting her stuff together. Abby says she just wants to help and Steph angrily replies as she waves her hand in front of her chest “you call this helping? This is not helping!” Abby tells her she understands how she feels, and Steph cuts her off yelling that she has no idea how Steph feels, which really, Abby doesn’t. Steph pushes past them out the door and Abby follows her. Steph goes to the elevator and Abby tells her that she has to let them get the results back and figure out how to proceed. Steph wants to know what they’ll do, cut her up some more? She says “to hell with your damn tests!” as she frantically pushes on the elevator button. She’s totally on the verge of losing it. Abby keeps asking her to listen. Steph’s through waiting for the elevator and heads for the stairs, shouting at Abby that she ruined her. Abby says she knows she’s scared, and Steph furiously replies “Is that what I am?” Abby calls after her that just because they found a node it doesn’t mean she has cancer.

Stephanie bursts out of the doors yelling that she needs a cab. Abby is right behind her telling her that she needs to come back inside and let them treat her. Steph’s trying to look through her bag for money and then she falls to the ground. She sits there still looking through her purse. Her hands are bleeding from the mirror she smashed. Abby crouches next to her and tells her that everything she is feeling is normal and that it is going to take some time. Steph forcefully states that she doesn’t have time. Abby tells her that’s not true. Steph heatedly asks who is going to marry someone who is going to need chemo for the next ten years? Who’s going to have a kid with someone who could die before they go to high school? Abby tries to reassures her that if they had trouble making a diagnosis, it may not be cancer and if it is, because she had the surgery they caught it early. Steph tries to struggle to her feet, Abby helps her. Steph’s in pain and doesn’t really want Abby to touch her, but she can’t stand up by herself. She tells Abby that she doesn’t believe her. Abby says it’s the truth and that she did what she had to do and she’s incredibly brave. She shakes Abby’s hand off and asks “then why do I feel like this?” Abby tells because it’s scary and it’s unexpected. She tells Stephanie that she doesn’t have to go through it alone. Steph pushes her away and tells her to “get the hell away from me”. Abby pleads with her to let her take care of the cuts. Stephanie keeps walking and Abby begs her.

Abby is suturing Stephanie’s hand. Steph tells her that she’s tried all the Internet dating sites and that she had re-written her profile so many times “you would have thought it was my thesis”. Wow, I can sympathize because that’s a lot of writing. My thesis for grad school was a few hundred pages. Abby wants to know what happened to Lou, who was played by Miranda’s ex-boyfriend Skipper on Sex and the City. Abby liked Skipper. Well, yeah, he brought Steph pizza and chocolate, what’s not to like? Steph grins and says she didn’t think he could handle all this. She says Skipper said he’d come back after the surgery, but … Abby then says she never liked him, he’s a jerk and a good thing Steph found out early. Steph smiles. I must have missed something because she’s seemed to forgive Abby awfully quickly. Stephanie says she doesn’t want to freeze her eggs or buy milk on the Internet. You can do that? Do you get it through Ebay or are there Lactation Nation websites or something? Weird. Steph says she wanted to breast feed. That’s sad because you really do kind of need breasts to do that, unless she borrows that feeder thing that Chuck strapped on last year to feed Cosmo. Though since they’ve moved to Iowa, I guess Steph is shit out of luck on the borrowing. Abby puts Neosporin on Steph’s hand. Steph asks Abby isn’t she afraid she’ll wind up the auntie? Is this another thing I’ve missed? I don’t remember Abby telling her personal stuff about not being married nor having kids. Either they’ve cut a bit out of this story or we’re just supposed to believe that Abby’s discussed all this stuff with her, which is a bit unrealistic since Abby is really good at getting other people to tell her all kinds of personal stuff, without revealing anything herself. It’s a little irritating. And the thought of Abby being an aunt makes me shudder because it means her brother Eric has been procreating and I hope to God that’s not true because I can’t take any more tree-pissing, grave-falling, scenery-chewing Wyczenski’s. Steph goes on about being forced to adopt a kid from Cambodia. Abby thinks Cambodian kids are cute, because Abby’s not known for her political correctness. Steph tells Abby that she knows what Steph meant. Abby replies that if all goes well, she’ll get the reconstructive surgery, her recovery will be uneventful and she’ll lead a perfectly normal life. Stephanie thinks Abby is just giving her doctor talk and doesn’t get it. Abby’s starts to say something, stops, then continues that her mother’s sister died of breast cancer and so did her grandmother. Wow, Maggie’s genes really suck. Not only does she have the bipolar thing, but the increased risk of breast cancer too? No wonder Abby’s so fucked up. Steph looks at her sympathetically and asks about her. Abby’s not looking at her and putting a bandage on her hand. She tells Steph that she’s never even had a mammogram. Now I may be totally wrong about this, but I don’t think this is unusual. I seem to remember Abby telling Carter that she was like 12 or 13 when Maggie tried to commit suicide one time and I though at the commitment hearing they said that was in like 1983, so doesn’t that make her around 35? I thought most women don’t get them until they are 40, though with Abby’s family history, it’s probably a good idea to have one now. And I am way over-thinking this. This show makes my brain hurt.

Doris the paramedic is bringing in Tony Dejesus, with a stab wound to the neck. Chi-Chi asks if he’s having trouble breathing, but he’s not. Weaver’s pre-med students are noting the time of arrival and ask Tony if it was gang-related. He says his “old lady” stabbed him. Nice. Haleh wants to know why she did it. Haleh is looking a bit chunkier than she has the past couple of seasons. I happen to think Yvette Freeman was a bit too gaunt after losing all of that weight, and needed to put a few pounds back on, but I hope she’s healthy and doesn’t gain too much. Tony says she did it because she’s a “psycho bitch”, and I’m so sure he didn’t do anything to provoke it. Chi-Chi wants to know where his residents are. He tells Weaver’s bitches that they are not coming in to the treatment room because he’s not putting on a show for them and tells them to get the hell out of there.

Luka and Blair are sitting at a table in what looks like a really nice cafeteria and not the one the ER staff used to go to and she’s slurping a drink. She’s in a wheelchair. Luka’s drumming his fingers on the table next to his coffee. He’s chewing on his lips and stealing glances at her. Blair tells him that the woman who answered the phone was Jason’s wife. Luka says that six years is a long time. Blair replies that the really hard thing about all of this is that everything has gone on and she still feels that she and Jason were just finalizing their wedding list yesterday. She’s dropped the whole spoiled teenager act and is really reacting with the kind of frustration that I would think she’d be feeling. Luka tells her he’s sure Jason stayed by her as long as he could. She’s holding her head and disgustedly replies that Dr. Toupee told her he only came by twice. Jason sucks. She nastily says that no wonder Jason wanted them to write their own vows because he was probably planning to omit the ‘in sickness and in health’ part. Luka asks if she wanted him to spend the rest of his life hoping for something that everyone said wouldn’t happen, and wow, that statement could apply to him as well. She furrows her brow, looks down, then slurps her drink again as he licks his lips, which is a habit he has that I absolutely love. Blair starts smiling and says that maybe she could be his mistress which as I’m writing makes it looks like she is referring to Luka, but she is obviously not that bright because she means Jason. Luka gets a huge smile on his face which is absolutely the most beautiful thing I have seen on this show in a long time.

Chi-Chi asks which anatomic landmarks define zone two of the neck. Neela replies “the cricoid cartilage to the angle of the mandible”, and Chi-Chi is suitably impressed. He goes on that management of zone two injuries is very controversial and he thinks some people advocate surgical exploration for everything. Pratt’s pretty sure that their surgeons wouldn’t want to explore an asymptomatic patient with a superficial wound. Tony wants them to hurry up because his old lady is going to burn his truck. Chi-Chi goes ghetto on him and says “Well, homes, maybe next time you won’t double dip with your moms-in-law”. See, I knew Tony did something to piss Mrs. Tony off. Tony asks Chi-Chi if he’s seen Mrs. Tony’s mother and says “then don’t criticize”. Shut up, Tony! Doesn’t matter what she looks like, it’s never a good idea to boff your wife’s mother. Chi-Chi says “my bad”. Chi-Chi says to Morris that he’s sure they are all aware of all the implications for immediate exploration and Morris stammers airway compromise, severe hemorrhage or expanding hematoma. Pratt protests that Tony has none of those. Tony thinks that good and they should let him go. Chi-Chi thinks they can always learn from every case and asks Pratt if he agrees. He wants Pratt to tell him about selective management with neck injuries. Pratt’s all “what?” Tony tells him “Brother, keep it short. Don’t go Al Sharpton on his ass”. Again, shut up, Tony! I’d prefer Pratt went all OJ Simpson on your sorry ass. Pratt ignores Tony and tells Chi-Chi “duplex scan endoscopy and gastrograffin swallow”, which Pratt thinks would only be done if Tony had symptoms. Chi-Chi tells him to “slow your roll, bro” and wants to know what proportion of zone two vascular are asymptomatic, and looking at Pratt, directs the question to Neela. Neela says that with significant injury he might have signs of bleeding or hematoma. Pratt says the guy is stable. Chi-Chi replies condescendingly maybe, but nine out of a hundred times asymptomatic patients have lesions that require surgical repair. Then tilting his head says bitchily “how about that, Dr. Pratt?” Pratt takes off his yellow gown and says how about he goes and checks on his asthma patient in Curtain Two. Haleh unhelpfully chimes in that there is no asthma patient in Curtain Two. Pratt thinks maybe he went out for a smoke and heads out saying he’ll go find him as Haleh shakes her head.

Pratt goes out into the hallway where Sam is on the phone with Sally, and I just realize that Sally isn’t in this episode. I’ve been too distracted by Luka in blue. Sam is telling her that she put up the sanitizers as she is putting up a poster. She says that no, she didn’t hand out the pins, but says she is putting up the poster as they speak. Chuny walks up and as is her wont, eavesdrops, or since it’s Sally on the phone I should says Evesdrops, on the conversation. Sam is reassuring Sally that she is using “that special tape that won’t ruin the walls”, as she shares a look with Chuny, then takes the gum out of her mouth and puts it on the back of her poster. Inappropriate t-shirts and gum in the workplace? Real professional, Sam. And I’m pretty sure that poster will fall down once the gum dries out. Sam says goodbye and hangs up the phone. Chuny wants to know if that was Sally and Sam gripes that even on her day off, she calls in. She reaches in her pocket and hands Chuny a pin saying that Sally wants everyone’s hands to be sanitized before they touch a patient. Do they really need to be reminded of that? I would hope they already did that. Chuny reads the button “scrub or rub” and says it sounds kinky. She said that a little too hopefully so Chuny must be a bit hard up. Sam replies that they should be so lucky. I would have some sympathy for you, Sam, except that you had been getting some regular scrubbin’ and rubbin’ from luscious Luka until you proved yourself an idiot by dumping him, so it’s your own fault you are not getting lucky. Moron.

Pratt is on his cell walking back from Jumbo Mart and telling someone he thought they could get something to eat or catch a movie. He says he hasn’t seen that one yet. He had been smiling, but starts to scowl as he spots something. He says he’ll meet whoever out front and hangs up the phone as the camera pans around and we see … Rainbow Head??? Really weird. Why is Rainbow Head sitting on the steps outside of the hospital? And oh, there’s Mister, which explains Pratt’s sudden mood change. He asks how Pratt is doing and Pratt asks if Mister is stalking him. Mister says that he is there for a sick friend, though it is obvious by the way he says it that he’s lying. Pratt asks if Mister is sure he doesn’t have another illegitimate kid up there and starts to walk away. Mister tells him they need to talk. He asks Pratt what he’s doing after work, and Pratt says he has a date. Mister asks if it’s with Olivia because she’s a nice girl and he’s known her since she was in high school. Mister asks him if they can have dinner tomorrow and does he like gumbo. Who doesn’t like gumbo? Because Mister knows a great place and there’s a pool hall down the street. Pratt nastily tells him that they are not going to be eating gumbo or playing pool. Mister wants to know what he would like to do and Pratt tells him he wants Mister to leave him alone. Pratt tells him they are done. Mister understands that Pratt doesn’t want to have anything to do with him, but pulls out the little brother card. Pratt’s pissed that Mister would use Chaz like that. Mister thinks Chaz would like to get to know Pratt, and Pratt bitches that they’ve just met. Mister doesn’t know what Mama Pratt told him, but he thinks it wasn’t everything. Pratt keeps trying to walk away and Mister keeps going that he could explain if Pratt would give him the time. Pratt says he doesn’t have the time. Mister says he’s trying and Pratt defeatedly tells him to stop. Mister tells him that if he wants to drop it forever, then that’s his call, but he’ll have to live with it. They stare each other down a bit, then Mister walks away. This is almost the exact same conversation that they had three weeks ago. Danny Glover must be getting paid a lot to put up with this shit.

Luka is pushing Blair in a wheelchair across a walkway. She’s telling him that she never got the “whole marriage talk” from her mother. She continues that the minute she told her mom she was engaged, she pulled out a trunk and had every detail of the wedding planned. Luka smiles distractedly, but looks as bored by this storyline as I am. She wants Luka to stop so that she can look at the view of … traffic. Uh, I think they had that six years ago too, Blair. Blair watches the street dreamily. Luka says “she wasn’t going to pressure you, huh?” and Blair distractedly says “yeah” because she’s too busy mooning over the cars. She asks him which way Lake Michigan is and he gestures behind him and says you can see it from the other side of the hospital. She asks him conspiratorially if they can go and he says he shouldn’t even have her out of her room. She implores him and he grins and says no. She keeps needling him and then asks what a girl has to do to get a break with you, and unfortunately for her she is three seasons too late for his Man Ho-ing in the hospital supply closets. He chuckles and gives her that lovely smile again, and the scene ends way too soon for me.

Neela and Morris are heading out into the ambulance bay and she is griping that she hopes Chi-Chi doesn’t become the department chief. Morris thought she liked him and she did, until she had to present to him. She starts doing a dead-on impression of Chi-Chi which Morris picks up and the two of them continue until they get to the ambulance. Hee. Then Neela’s all for teaching but she doesn’t think Chi-Chi knows when to stop. Morris thinks he’s annoying, which reminds me of the great quote from Phoebe on Friends, “Hello Pot, this is Kettle. You’re black.” Neela bitches that Morris told him he like his shoes, “you wanker”. Hee. I love Neela. Morris thinks that just because he’s annoying doesn’t mean Morris can’t like his shoes. Sure it does. He asks if she is going to Ray’s gig. Neela says to hell with Ray because she thinks he’s upstairs having a blast, which is of course a segue to us actually having to see Ray. Thanks, Neela. Not.

Ray is in the Poison Control Center and is calling Jerry in the ER. He wants Jerry to save him because he’s bored. Jerry thinks he should picture every woman up there naked, but since every woman on the hotline looks like Frank, I don’t think Ray is going to do that. He wants to know if there are any cases in the ER that he can come down for. Jerry says there are a couple of traumas rolling in as Pratt and Neela rush to meet them. Paramedics are bringing in Lola Simon, a seven-year old with a crush injury. Apparently the guy on the gurney behind them fell on her. Jerry is telling Ray that it’s a seven year old girl and no sign of drugs. Then we hear Leo DiCaprio on the next gurney declaring that he is the king of the world. Ray hears it and thinks he’s on drugs. Doris tells Morris that the guy stood up on the Tilt-a-whirl at the State’s Fair. Jerry thinks he may have just hit his head, but Ray thinks it sounds like drugs and he’s coming right down.

Leo is flipping out in Trauma Green and starts channeling the little girl from Poltergeist and telling everyone to move away from the light as Morris tries to shine his penlight in Leo’s eyes. They are trying to hold him down and Haleh is begging Morris to please sedate Leo, but Morris thinks he has to assess the neuro status first. Weaver’s bitches are watching and taking notes as Chuny takes a hemocue and goes into Trauma Yellow where Pratt and Neela are working on Lola. Dulcey walks in and tells Pratt he’s leaving. Can anyone just walk into a trauma room at any time? Whatever happened to all the security upgrades they supposedly got after Carter pulled his Norma Rae stunt in Season 9? Pratt wants to know if Dulcey is scared of a little blood. Neela wants Lola to squeeze her hand. Pratt is doing an ultrasound and says that there is no fluid in the abdomen and the pericardium is clear. He thinks it’s spinal shock with a high thoracic injury. He asks Dulcey if he’s right, but Dulcey thinks it’s out of his league. Didn’t you go to med school, Dulcey and aren’t you a practicing physician? You’re annoying, too. Pratt teases him and asks whether he remembers Bartlett’s lecture on blunt trauma. I know this a John Wells show, too, but isn’t Bartlett the President of the United States? Unless he means Mrs. Barlett, which would make more sense because at least she’s a doctor. Pratt tells Lola he’s going to “poke her”, making me wish he’d had used a different term because I really don’t need that image. He’s pressing a needle on different spots on her chest before she finally says “ow!” Pratt says she has a sensory level of T-four. Neela looks worried and Pratt asks Lola how she’s doing. A cockroach runs across the floor and Dulcey steps on it. Pratt tells him he just killed their mascot. Hee. Lola starts to barf and they roll her so she pukes on the floor. I think this may have been the first time we’ve seen the vomit this season. Unfortunately, it won’t be the last. Pratt asks for suction. Dulcey stutters that some of the old U of I crew are hooking up at Cherry Red tonight and wants to know if Pratt has plans, because Pratt is clearly not busy at this moment and has time for chit chat. Haleh bursts in and tells Pratt they need him in Trauma Green. Pratt tells Dulcey he’ll try to make it. Haleh yells “Pratt, now!” and Pratt sends Neela because he’s going to intubate Lola.

Neela runs into Trauma Green as Morris is telling Leo that if he doesn’t stay still, he’s going to end up putting the needle right in his heart. Way to calm the patient, Morris. Leo is actually cackling. Neela bitches at Morris that they should sedate and paralyze, and Morris says he would have but Leo took his IV out. Leo wants to know since when Alfred E. Neuman became a doctor. HA. Good one, Leo. Ray comes in and wants to know what he took. Morris thinks maybe coke. Neela says the pupils are dilated. Ray asks him what the hell he’s on and Leo looks at Neela and says “her in a minute”. Really, I’d like to know what you took too, Leo, because you are bringing the funny. Morris can’t find a vein. Neela asks if they can give him Haldol, but Ray thinks he could seize. Neela pushes Morris out of the way so she can try to find a line. Haleh yells again for Pratt. She tells him that the guy is unstable as hell and they can’t get a line. Pratt says he’s tied up. Haleh’s eyes are as big as saucers and she tells him they need help. Pratt tells her they’ll have to get Chi-Chi.

Leo keeps trying to get up. Neela asks if there’s another Attending, but Morris says Chi-Chi’s the only one. Neela says they’ll handle it themselves and says she’s going to do a femoral cutdown. Haleh wants to know if she’s serious. Neela yells that he needs access. Haleh tells her the pulse keeps going up. Ray says they need to slow down his rate. Morris hands Neela the ten blade as Chi-Chi walks in carrying a coffee mug and asking if they have some sugar in there. They all turn to look at him. He snarks that he didn’t know they had a trauma and says his pager’s probably not working. He checks it and disgustedly tells them that it’s working. Morris tells him it was a twenty-foot fall complicated by unknown intoxication. Chi-Chi wants to know what they are doing and Neela tells him a femoral cutdown. Chi-Chi’s all “whoa” and tells everyone to take a deep breath. He sends Haleh to Admit to get his briefcase. Leo starts yelling “banana cheese” and Chi-Chi wants to know what he took. Ray says he won’t say. He guesses that it is a sympathomimetic. Chi-Chi’s got his hands in Leo’s mouth and tells Ray that was a bad guess. He says the skin and membranes are dry so it’s an anticholignergic. Chi-Chi wants to know if the electrolytes are back yet and Morris hands the results to him. Chi-Chi reads the results and asks everyone what they mean. No one knows so Chi-Chi enlightens him that it’s “skittles”. I’ve been eating Skittles for years and have never had a reaction like Leo’s. From Spree maybe, but never Skittles. Chi-Chi says they are very popular with the kids these days, but I think they’ve been popular for a while, Chi-Chi. Apparently the skittles he’s referring to are cold pills with dextromethorphan hydrogen bromide, which would explain the “Sudafed disassociation” I get every time I take them for a cold. Leo does his wacked out druggie schtick and starts yelling and struggling harder. Chi-Chi calls for drugs and Ray gets the syringe. Neela says he still needs access. Haleh comes back with Chi-Chi’s briefcase as Leo yells “I’m Rick James, bitch”, which really made me laugh. Chi-Chi tells him to go to his happy place, though I think judging by the way Leo’s acting, he’s already there. Ray injects him. Morris tells Chi-Chi that Leo has weird anatomy and they couldn’t find the subclavian. Chi-Chi pulls out something that looks like a mini ultrasound and starts putting the wand below Leo’s neck as the Pounding Music of Tense Dramatic Moments gets louder. The wand finds the subclavian and they can see where to insert the line. Neela looks over Chi-Chi’s shoulder and thinks it’s really cool. Ray wants to know if he carries it with him all the time. Inspector Gadget says it’s a demo and that he ran the Phase Three trials. Haleh says the heart rate is down to 80 and Chi-Chi snipes that he guesses they didn’t need the beta-blockers. The way Haleh is looking at him, I think she’s crushing on Chi-Chi big time after this save. He hands the case back to Ray, Neela and Morris who all exchange WTF looks. Chi-Chi starts to leave, then comes back in and tells them that even if they think he’s a pain in the ass, which he is, it should never get in the way of patient care, which it shouldn’t. He asks if they are with him, as Haleh smiles that come hither smile at him some more. The residents just look at him and Chi-Chi says “good”, shakes his head and walks out.

Abby is standing at Admit drinking coffee as Dubenko wheels up to her in a wheelchair. With the hair and the track suit he has on, he looks like he stepped, well I guess I mean rolled, off the set of the Battle of the Network Stars. She says “hey, what’s up?” and he says “well, everything. And almost twice a day.” Way more information than I needed, thanks. And the fact that these two are not the least bit uncomfortable around each other after last week’s indecent proposal is just so realistic. She grins, looks away and congratulates him then says she hears he’s getting out of there today. He tells her that if she thought it stunk working there she should try being a patient and then thanks her for the date. They exchange a look and she says “she told you” and he replies that someone had to pay her, and Abby says it was supposed to be a freebie, to which Dubenko retorts that it was, the first time. Again, a little more info than I need, Lucien. So I guess this means that Kelly the “satisfaction facilitator” from last week actually did do some pro boner work. I honestly thought Abby was kidding when she had asked her, but that’s what I get for overestimating the maturity of this character and the show’s writers. As they keep walking towards the elevators, he tells her that he was at first offended when he found out she was a professional, but then it turned him on. Would these two really be having this conversation in the middle of the ER? Well, yes, knowing Abby, I guess they would. As they get to the elevator, Dubenko says they were both professionals. Abby crosses her arms and knowingly says to him that he didn’t need her after all, and as he gets on the elevator he glances at her then turns away and quietly says almost grinning, “well, I guess not”. Please tell me this is the end of Dubenko’s penile tales of woe, because I really can’t take anymore. And no more of these discussions between these two please, because it’s actually kind of creepy because they really don’t know each other that well and if I’m going to hear discussions about “what’s up” with someone, I’d truthfully prefer that it were Luka. Abby watches the door close and Skipper walks up to her and tells her he doesn’t remember her name. She tells him and then dismissively says that he’s a little late and walks away from him. He follows replying that he came to see how Stephanie is and Abby keeps walking and bitchily tells him that she had her breasts removed and suggests he pick up a pink ribbon on the way out. Abby should really just have her jaw wired shut because everything out of her mouth lately is totally inappropriate. Skipper’s not related to Steph, doesn’t HIPAA prohibit physicians from discussing patient’s medical conditions with anyone without written consent? Guess as always, the rules don’t apply to Abby. Skipper’s surprised and asks “she did?” This really should have been Abby’s first clue that she should put a sock in it, but she doesn’t and she just replies that Stephanie did. Skipper wants to know what Abby’s talking about. Still walking, Abby tells him that Stephanie says he disappeared on her. He’s confused and replies that Steph told the nurse not to let him in, she wouldn’t tell him why she was there and she kept going on about how it wasn’t a good time to be dating anyone. Abby’s a bit taken aback, finally stops walking and asks him why she would do that. Skipper doesn’t know, but he does know that he can’t stop thinking about her and he’s a bit worried. Abby finally looks a little ashamed.

Chi-Chi walks through a door playing with some gadget, saying “do it, do it”. Neela is on the steps behind him and calls him. He’s playing with a Game Boy and is a little pissed because Neela causes him to crash on the motocross game he’s playing. He tells her she should consider getting one of those because it might keep her from hacking up the patients. Asshole. Neela apologizes for not calling him in earlier and tells him that Leo is going up to the ICU. Under his breath, Chi-Chi says they really need to consider using pre-emptive orders. Neela says it was unprofessional of her, and Chi-Chi, not paying the least bit of attention to her, is bitching because nurses are transporting patients and it’s a waste of resources. Neela asks if he is listening to her and he tells her “actually, no”, as he keeps playing his game. When he loses, he turns to her and says that the femoral cutdown has to be a last-ditch effort and Leo wasn’t there yet. Neela thought he was. Shaking his head at her, Chi-Chi tells her that when he was a resident he thought he had the keys to the kingdom too, but that the great thing is, they can always learn, and that’s why he’s there. Neela tells him that sometimes you want to do it yourself and he scoffs that sometimes your ego does, but “the patient would rather that I do it, believe me”. Again, asshole. Neela tells him he’s right, but he says it’s not about being right. He tells her that he considers her, Pratt, Morris, and every resident and every student there an investment in the future. I notice he didn’t say Abby, because I’m sure these two are being set up to have some big conflict. Neela kind of stares at him with the Botox-inducing scowl that she perfected last week as he continues that his dividend comes when something he’s taught them saves a life. His words are kind of trite, but his tone is very sincere. He tells her she should consider surgery as an elective as he walks away. She wants to know why he says that and he snarks it’s because she’s quick to cut and she likes to use a scalpel more than her brain. Once more with feeling … asshole.

Abby knocks on a door. Stephanie tells her to come in. Abby tells her that she’s brought some company and Skipper walks in, carrying a present. Steph’s genuinely touched that he’s there. He tells her that he heard what happened, which is Steph’s cue to bitch out Abby, but she mistakenly doesn’t and instead tells Skipper to come in and sit down. He tells her he brought her chocolate. Even though he’s a bit of a dork, bringing chocolate and the fact that he is looking past the no breasts thing means that Steph should definitely marry him. Abby walks out and towards the elevators, then stops and goes back to the desk. She asks the nurse if she can schedule an outpatient mammogram. When the clerk asks for what patient, Abby gives her name. Good for you, Abby.

Ray is holding a plant and standing in an exam room, three Buddhist monks, one of whom is in the bed, are in the background. Ray is getting bitched out by Toxicology Dweeb Doctor from last week because he missed morning rounds and he’s avoiding Poison Control. Ray tries to explain that he got stuck with a consult because the Zen monks made tea from the plant that he is holding, and it led to vomiting and diarrhea. Yuck. That’ll teach them not to just throw in a teabag. Dweeb doesn’t think that it’s clear cut that it’s a toxicology problem. Ray hasn’t been able to identify the plant on the Internet. Dweeb takes the plant and starts going through all the things it’s not, as Ray spots Inspector Gadget holding up another one of his toys to the window behind Dweeb’s back, where the display shows that he’s written “tabaco gigante!” So Ray suggests that’s what it is to Dweeb, who is all excited when he realizes that Ray may be right. It’s a tobacco plant and the patients may have nicotine toxicity. Dweeb’s all proud of Ray who mouths “thank you” to Chi-Chi, who winks at him. I don’t know whether I love Chi-Chi or hate him. It’s annoying.

Weaver comes up to Chi-Chi and starts bitching about why her bitches are sitting in chairs. Chi-Chi says he doesn’t know “parking garage was too cold?” Hee. She tells him they are collecting data for her. He tells her that her bitches were getting in the way of the work, and she says he should have told them to step back. He says he didn’t overstep, which is such bullshit because that’s all he’s been doing since he got there. Weaver’s pissed because he basically pulled the plug on her study. He says he meant it as more of a time out kind of thing and she retorts that he told her bitches that her study was useless. Quietly, because Weaver’s a bit more discreet than Abby is, she tells him that she knows what happened in Newark and she really doesn’t want a repeat here. Of course, she doesn’t explain it to us. Bitch. And as was bound to happen, Abby is standing nearby and practically gets whiplash snapping her head around at this bit of news, because nothing happens in the ER without Scoop Lockhart knowing about it. Abby looks back and forth between Chi-Chi and Weaver. Chi-Chi is not happy and also doesn’t realize that this conversation is no longer confidential, and since Abby knows something’s up, this will assuredly come back to bite him in the ass. He tells Weaver that she hired him to make the place more efficient, and that’s what he’s trying to do. He says that if and when they start bedside registration it is going to make her study irrelevant. Weaver high-horses that she has a $100,000 grant that says that it won’t. Chi-Chi thinks they should use that money to go digital, because Chi-Chi obviously doesn’t understand how grants work. Weaver gets pissed and tells him that she runs this hospital and starts expositing on all the things that have to go through her. Abby’s smirking at all of this because she’s remembering Weaver giving a similar smackdown to Romano that she was privy to, and that ended with Romano being made another of Weaver’s bitches. Weaver ends with a particularly bitchy rendition of “do I make myself clear?”, to which Chi-Chi says he has one more question and wants to know if his answer goes through her, and walks away.

It’s nighttime and Blair and Luka are on the roof. She’s all excited to see the lake because it’s one thing that has stayed the same. Luka, because he is such a gentleman, puts his coat around her shoulders. He says her they should really get back. She wants to know if he’s always been such a worrier. He rather sadly tells her he’s always had things to worry about. Aww. He needs a hug. Blair looks away, then back at him and asks if he thinks this was God. He doesn’t know what she means and she explains her waking up. He shrugs and says he doesn’t know. She replies that he thinks it was science. He purses his lips and explains that he’s seen deeply religious people where prayer did nothing for them and he’s seen plenty of skeptics experience miraculous recoveries. She asks if he thinks it was fate. He gives her a big smile and tells her he thinks that he’s glad they are both there to wonder about it. Girl, why aren’t you all over him like white on rice when he is being this adorable? Obviously Blair lost quite a few brain cells in her coma.

Pratt’s at Ceasefire and he asks a kid he knows in the hallway where Olivia is and is told she’d down the hall. We hear Mister’s voice in the background. Pratt walks down the hall and spots Mister talking to a bunch of kids in what looks like a classroom. He’s telling them that getting a girl pregnant is 18 years of lockdown, because half your check goes to Uncle Sam and half going for the kid. He tells them that having a kid at their age isn’t what they want to do and holds up a condom. Pratt overhears the whole thing and is so filled with love for Mister. Except, not.

Blair asks Luka if he misses Croatia. He replies that he has family there, but there are more opportunities for him there. He smiles and says he like Chicago. Blair says the winters suck, but Luka thinks you can always go inside to warm up. Oh, I’ll warm you up, Luka. We see Blair having flashbacks of lying next to a car. She tells him that she keeps asking him about the accident because she keeps having flashes that don’t add up. Luka wants to know what kind of flashes. Blair remembers being scared and flashes to lying on the ground and someone grabbing her as the Histrionic Keyboard Music of Carjackings Gone Bad plays in the background. Every time Blair has a flashback, there’s a “whoosh” noise as the scene shifts. It’s supposed to be dramatic, but it comes off really cheesy. She’s saying that they had just gotten coffee and she remembers seeing her mom’s face as we whoosh to a man hitting her with something. Blair is getting more and more upset and she says that her mom’s eyes were petrified. Luka is watching her intently. Blair can hear her mom’s screams but they were muffled by the radio, and she continues that there was blood and laughter as we whoosh to a gun being fired. Blair says she thought this was a dream at first but the images are so vivid as we whoosh to a hand being dragged through blood. Blair’s crying that the images are so clear. Luka puts his arm around her (bitch) and wants her to sit down as he helps her do that. In an abrupt change, she’s clear eyed and her voice is steady and she tells him she knows something else happened that night but not knowing what is killing her, as she breaks down again. Luka bends closer to her and licks his lips, and though I realize it’s not appropriate to the scene, I find it terribly sexy. Blair’s really crying, but now she’s starting to struggle to get the words out. She tells Luka she needs the truth. Luka realizes something is wrong as she is losing the ability to speak clearly.

Cut to Luka pushing Blair in the wheelchair off the elevator. He is imploring her to stay with him. He spots Abby coming down the stairs and tells her he needs a monitored bed. She says to go to Trauma One and wants to know what’s going on as she rushes after him. He yells to Malik to page Dr. Toupee in Neurology. Chi-Chi walks up as Luka is entering the Trauma room and introduces himself and wants to know what the problem is. Luka says she’s not talking. Chi-Chi spouts out some orders, but Luka says Blair doesn’t need them. Chi-Chi asks her “friend” to wait outside. Luka spits out that he’s not her friend as he lifts Blair onto the table. Abby explains to Chi-Chi who Luka is, and Chi-Chi apologizes to him. Chi-Chi is shining a light in Blair’s eyes and asking if she can hear him. Luka tells him her name is Blair. Abby is watching Luka weirdly. Malik comes in and tells Luka that Toupee is at the VA and Luka says “damn it” under his breath. Chi-Chi says Blair’s gaze is fixed to the right. Chi-Chi is calling for a head CT, but Luka says she needs fluoxtine, sinemet, and dextroamphetamine. Chi-Chi doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Luka ignores him and orders Abby to go to the pharmacy to get the meds. She’s looks at him, surprised. Chi-Chi exposits that there is a standard approach to evaluating a patient with altered mental status. Luka replies that she’s not a standard patient and that she’s been on an experimental cocktail and again tells Abby the meds to get. She still doesn’t leave so he shouts at her “Abby, please go!”

Abby is running down the steps to the Overloaded Percussion Music of Relapsing Comas. She bangs on the door to the pharmacy and the bored clerk on the phone finally buzzes her in. She’s out of breath and tells him the drugs she needs. He tells her to write it down. Frustrated, she glares and groans at him, then pushes past him to get them herself, which makes him think she’s crazy because she’s not allowed back there. Dude, you think she’s crazy, you should meet her mother.

Chi-Chi says that Blair’s tests came back normal. Luka replies that he told him that. Weaver says that CT is ready and Chi-Chi wants to move her now. Luka tells them she needs her meds. Chi-Chi reminds Weaver that they could be missing a brain bleed, but she knows. Chi-Chi doesn’t think they have time to screw around. Guess Chi-Chi doesn’t know that Weaver doesn’t swing that way. Luka tells Chi-Chi that the meds woke Blair up from the coma. Chi-Chi snottily retorts that if that’s true there would be coma patients waking up all over the country. All Luka knows is that they worked for Blair. Abby comes back in with the drugs and she and Luka start to mix them. Chi-Chi can’t believe Weaver is going to let them do this. Weaver asks Luka if he’s sure this will work, but he doesn’t answer. She thinks if they don’t a tall guy in a cheap suit from the state will show up and ask questions. Luka tells her it is worth a try. Weaver tells Chi-Chi she’ll give them five minutes as Abby and Luka finish mixing the meds and he draws a syringe. Chi-Chi grumbles to Luka that he’s the physician of record now because Chi-Chi doesn’t want his name on the chart when the family sues. Luka thinks it’s lucky for him that there is no family and injects Blair. Luka starts rubbing Blair’s breastbone to get her to wake up and says “eyes opening to pain”. If Luka were rubbing my breastbone, the last thing I would think was that it was painful. Abby looks at Blair, then up at Luka and says “incomprehensible verbal activity”, which pretty much describes all of her own utterances over the past two weeks. Blair starts seizing and Weaver calls for Ativan. Chi-Chi wants to know if Blair has a history of seizures, but Luka yells “no”. Chi-Chi bitches to him that the meds he pushed could have caused this. Shut up, Chi-Chi! I think that’s pretty obvious. Luka tries to protest that falling drug levels or withdrawal could have done it too, but Chi-Chi just shakes his head. Abby looks up at Luka again, which she’s been doing a lot, and I certainly can’t blame her. Luka calls for another round of Ativan.

Ray walks out of a bar with a heavily made-up groupie who sort of looks like Marilyn Manson. She tells him she really liked the last song and asks if it’s new. He says yeah and that it’s called “Blood Wine”. She wants to know how he thought of it and he said he cut his finger opening a bottle of Merlot. Ray so does not look like a wine drinker to me or that he would even know enough to describe them as more than red or white. Ray wants to know if Manson and her friend are heading home. Manson doesn’t know what her friend is doing. Ray asks if she knows what she’s doing, and she says she knows what she’d like to do, staring at him. Eww. I think Manson must have had a bit too much Merlot herself. Ray tells her to hold that thought, because he’s going to settle up with his boys and he’ll be right back, and I hope to God that expression means he’s getting money from his band because the less I know about Ray settling his “boys”, the better. Neela, Morris and Jerry walk up to Ray. Ray tells them they’re late and Neela bitches that Chi-Chi had them pulling journal articles to justify the treatment of every patient. Again, never said this to her before but, shut up, Neela! A couple of weeks ago you told Clemons the intern that the best way to learn was to look it up and read it yourself, but once you have to actually practice what you preach, all you can do is bitch about. You’ve been hanging around Abby too much. Jerry asks if Ray wants to get something to eat. Ray looks over at Manson and then says he has plans. Morris wants to know if his plans have friends. Ray says he’ll see. He walks over to Manson, who he calls Zoe, and introduces she and her friend to Morris as his “boy”. Enough with your “boys”, Ray. Morris says “what up, ladies?” and asks if they are hungry. Neela and Jerry look amused at his feeble attempt to act cool. Manson’s friend tells him they want to meet the band, and Morris says that he plays drums. Of course he means in a band geek way in the marching band and starts to demonstrate his rat-a-tat-tatting drum line march. As he turns around, he realizes that everyone has left. Hee.

Blair is unconscious and Luka is holding her hand. Get over yourself, Sleeping Beauty! Who wouldn’t wake up to that Prince Charming? But then again, maybe she’s just playing possum to keep him holding her hand, in which case I would give her props for cunning and cleverness. Luka’s asking her to open her eyes. He and Abby are standing on opposite sides of Blair. Abby says what I originally heard as “maybe she’s post-coital”, which if it had been with Luka, might explain the unconsciousness, but realize that she really said “post-ictal”, which the ever helpful Google explains is a period of confusion, lethargy, and deep breathing that may last for 15 minutes to several hours after the cessation of a generalized seizure. Abby looks up at Luka and says that maybe the Ativan hasn’t worn off. Luka let’s go of Blair’s hand and looks at Abby guiltily and says that he shouldn’t have pushed the meds. She tells him he doesn’t know why Blair had a seizure. He’s wringing his hands and quietly says that they may have overloaded her synapses. Abby looks at him then tries to comfort him by saying that there is no way to know why she fell back into the coma. He looks at Abby and says “yeah”, and tries to smile at her but can’t quite do it because he clearly still thinks that it’s his fault. Abby looks at him for a second and then her pager goes off. She tells him she has to go and asks if he’s okay. He nods and she hands him Blair’s chart and leaves, passing Weaver in the doorway. Weaver tells him that the state conservator agreed to admit Blair to the hospital for two days to see if there’s any improvement, and if there isn’t, she goes back to the nursing home. Luka nods and Weaver leaves and that exchange was a little strange because it just seemed thrown in there to give Weaver something more to do.

A Spoken Word performance. Pratt and his posse are watching. Olivia is there, but Pratt is sitting with his back to her, which seems really rude. Pratt’s distracted and not really listening to the guy on stage whining about why he’s doing poetry rather than having become a lawyer. Dulcey wants to know where the waitress is, but Pratt asks what they want because he’ll go get it. Dulcey wants a light beer, and Pratt thinks it’s funny that a lipo doctor is afraid of getting love handles. Well, he can’t really perform a tummy tuck on himself now can he, Pratt? Dulcey says “don’t hate, I look good”. And he does. Pratt should be the one worried about love handles because Mekhi Phifer is looking a little chunky lately. Pratt says he’ll be back and Olivia follows him. He goes to the bar and orders two beers. He sees Olivia and asks rather nastily if she wants something. She’d like to have a conversation because he hasn’t said a word to her all night. Pratt tries to pass it off as not being able to hear in there, but Olivia thinks you can hear everyone just fine. She wants to know what she did. He thinks she should have told him that Mister was at Ceasefire. She wants to know if she has to check the building every time before he’ll come, and he says that she does. Olivia tells him that Mister is the one down there helping the kids. Pratt bitches to her about who she thinks sews up those kids once they leave her place. She says that his father tries to help them before they get to him. Pratt tells her that Mister is a lot of things, but his father is not one of them. He’s just some guy who got Pratt’s mom pregnant. Technically Pratt, that does indeed make him your father. You are a doctor, don’t you know how those things work? Pratt’s pissed because Mister made the same mistake that he’s warning the kids about. Well, duh, Pratt. Voice of experience and all that. Pratt walks out, leaving not only the beers he just paid for, but not telling his friends that he’s going. Nice.

Olivia chases after him telling him that she can’t stop him if he wants to hate Mister, but that Mister is a good guy and runs through all the wonderful things he does. Pratt tells her that’s the problem because he’s waited his whole life to spit in his old man’s face and he’s pissed because Mister is not lying face down in the gutter, but he’s building houses for people for free. Mekhi is really good in this scene. He tries to walk away from Olivia, but she grabs his arm. He tries to shake her off, but she kisses him.

I’m psyched because they start playing James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful and I’ve been listening to that CD non-stop for the past few weeks. But I’m not psyched to see Pratt and Olivia tongue-dancing and then having him push her up against a wall as they start taking their clothes off. And then we cut back and forth between them and Ray and Manson doing the same thing. If I have to watch someone on this show getting naked and getting some, why can’t it be Luka? And wasn’t hearing Ray do the nasty enough? Do I really have to see it? Because, yuck.

Thank God that ended, but we cut to Abby getting a mammogram. She’s standing way too far away from the machine to get her breasts pancaked. I really don’t think Maura Tierney is that well-endowed to justify standing two feet from the squisher. But she does look suitably nervous.

Luka is talking to Blair and saying that he hopes she can hear him. Chi-Chi is watching at the door. Luka is explaining to Blair what happened the night of the carjacking. He looks so sad as he’s telling her, as we hear James Blunt singing how beautiful he is. Yes, James, you got that right.

ER is a rerun this Thursday, which means that I may finally be able to get around to recapping one of the old After School Specials, or ASS as I like to call it, this week. I’m debating on another Melissa Sue Anderson, or moving on to Rob Lowe as a teen father.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

ER 12.4 Blame It On The Rain

Previously on ER: Sally from Third Rock from the Sun introduced herself to Luka as Eve Peyton, the new Nurse Manager, but mispronounced “Kovac” for which he pissily corrected her; Sally mockingly put Morris in his place suggesting he could teach the nurses about dental blocks, to which he replied “what?”; Sally asked Sam about her history with Luka; Luka punched the drug lock-up door; Sally rearranged Sam’s schedule because she didn’t think it was appropriate for Sam and Luka to work together, putting Sam on nights and giving her two less shifts than she is currently working, which she can’t afford and she’ll never get to see Alex; Abby spots Dubenko getting an exam in the Oncology Lab.

Uh oh. This ep is titled “Blame It On The Rain”. Naming a show after a Milli Vanilli song does not bode well, and also now that stupid song is playing in my head and probably will be for the rest of the night. Thanks. Close-up of what looks like a fish tank with a Hummel figure of a kid with a newspaper on his head in the center and is getting filled with water as we hear thunder in the background. Camera pulls back and apparently its sitting on the Admit Desk. Yeah, that makes sense. Frank is pacing and counting “1000, 2000, 3000, 4000”, as Jerry leans on the desk and it looks like he’s praying. Frank walks past Abby who is putting on a yellow rain slicker like I used to wear when I was in kindergarten. She asks him what he’s doing and he says he’s counting. She gets that, but wants to know why. He explains that the time between the lightning flash and the thunderclap tells you how far away the storm is while Abby looks through her wallet. There’s a thunderclap that makes Jerry practically jump out of his skin and Frank says that it’s getting closer. Jerry asks Abby if she’s going outside, which is ridiculous because did he think she was wearing that raincoat as a fashion statement? Because it so is not. She says she drew the short straw for the coffee run. Morris walks by and wants to know where she is going because they are getting slammed. She tells him that her shift doesn’t start for six minutes and that she’s going to get everyone coffee. Walking away Morris tells her to “be a flower drum song” and get him a bear claw and he’ll pay her later. Once again, not even to Opening Credits and Morris is already on my last nerve. As he’s walking away, we see Abby in the background tilt her head back to look back at him from under her hood, which struck me as funny because again, it reminded me of a kindergartner and my five-year old twins did the exact same move when I dropped them off at school in the rain this week.

Morris goes over to a female patient in the Curtain Area who is wearing a neck brace. She also has the exact same red hair color that he does, which really isn’t flattering against the lavender sweater with the rhinestones that she is wearing. I have a feeling I’m going to be all about the hair again this episode. He introduces himself as “Dr. Morris, Chief Resident”, because he insufferably has to say that to everyone. She tells him some guy rear-ended her and he replies “Ooh, ouch. I hope you were driving”, which is such an appropriate thing to say. Already, shut up, Morris! Sally, wearing a way too low cut shirt under her jacket, comes up to Morris and tells him that they are getting backed up and perhaps “we could clear some of these necks clinically”. Morris is a little offended by the royal “we”, and condescendingly tells her that he thinks it’s best if “we left that decision to the doctors”, as he continues to listen to the patient’s chest. And to prove just how incompetent Morris is, the earpiece to the stethoscope is not even in his right ear, but hanging down by his neck, so this is definitely a very thorough exam he’s performing. Sally starts to tell him that if patients meet all five of the nexus criteria, but he interrupts and asks what she knows about nexus. She proudly tells him that as Research Coordinator at Emory, she enrolled 2000 patients in the initial study. He sneeringly replies how that’s really interesting and maybe she can bring it up at her next Nazi nurse rally. That must be the standard Doctor-Nurse Manager put-down because didn’t Luka say the same thing to Abby back in Season 9? Sally has a better comeback than Abby’s “you totally suck” line. Sally tells Morris that with her extensive knowledge of the human anatomy, she could kill him “with this finger”, as she holds up the middle one. He starts to say that he finds it hard to believe, and she pokes him in the chest with it, to which he yells “ow!” Hee.

Weaver walks behind him, slips, but Morris catches her and tells her that he saved her life. He follows her to the Admit Desk bitching how he’s been after them all morning to keep the floors mopped and maybe it’s time he fired some janitorial staff. Weaver is rightfully ignoring him and instead says that maybe it’s time he “cleared some patients”. Morris starts sucking up by telling Weaver that he’s glad she’s “back in the trenches” with them, and she snarks “yeah, that makes one of us”. She wants to know what the problem is, why are they so backed up? Morris starts to explain that they’ve had like twenty paramedic runs, but Weaver waves him off so that Sally can give the details. Sally says that “every E.D. in the city is closed to saturation, which means we’re all open”. She goes on that fender-benders are clogging up the hallways, and looking pointedly at Morris, she says she’s sure that they all don’t need C-spine films. Weaver agrees and tells Morris to “get with it”, because half of the patients don’t need x-rays and she tells him to start “clearing necks” as she and Sally walk away. Jerry is standing at the desk and jumps again when there’s another thunderclap.

Outside in front of Jumbo Mart, Abby’s got her hands full. She steps onto the crosswalk and drops one of her bags. As she bends to pick it up, an SUV comes barreling down, honking and swerves out of the way to avoid hitting her. Abby jumps back as the driver rolls down his window and starts yelling “what the hell’s your problem?” He starts shouting about why she didn’t wait for there to be a break, but stops as she throws a coffee at him. Uh oh, I smell lawsuit. He calls her a “crazy bitch” and starts to drive away as she yells that “it’s a crosswalk, you assh…”, but of course we don’t hear the end of the word because of the water splashing, and she throws another coffee after him. Abby was right that it was a crosswalk and when she started walking there weren’t any cars, and it looked like the guy was going kind of fast in a hospital zone, which I’m sure is not legal. But throwing the coffee? Not a smart move, Abby. I get that almost getting hit rightfully scared the shit out of her, and calling him an asshole was definitely the proper response, but I think channeling Sam and her anger management issues and tossing hot beverages was probably not the right way to go. I wonder if there will be repercussions? Since it’s Abby, most likely not.

Pratt is wiping off the board and reading off what’s going on with his patients to Morris, and then says he’s out of there. Morris says he thought Pratt was going to help Neela clear some x-rays, and he replies that he did and now he’s going home. He points to Ray who is walking by and says “Doc Rock is going to help you out”. Is that any relation to Kid Rock? I guess this is all we are going to see of Pratt this week. And no Mister from the Color Purple either. He was in the “Previously on” in last week’s episode, and then didn’t appear. Danny Glover must be wondering why he agreed to this guest arc if he’s not going to get any screentime. Ray’s like “sorry dude, I’m not working down here today”. Seems Ray is starting his elective in toxicology. Neela bitches that she picked neurology, but she didn’t even get an elective. Morris tells her that’s because she hasn’t completed her “pre-hospital care training requirements”. Neela doesn’t know what he means so he explains that she never did her ride-alongs as an intern, and she needs to do 24 hours in the field with the paramedics. Neela distractedly says she’s been meaning to do that, and Morris tells her to see him when she does and then they’ll discuss her elective options. This must be setting something up to happen to Neela on her ride-along.

Frank bitches at Abby about how long it took her to get the coffee as Abby disgustedly drops the crushed pastry box on the desk. She’s completely soaked. Frank grumbles that the doughnuts are soggy. I’ll answer for Abby here and say shut up, Frank! Truck your fat ass across the street and get them yourself, then. Sam snarks “God forbid you don’t get your morning ration of deep fried fat, Frank”. Hee. Frank takes the doughnuts to try to dry them out in the microwave. Sam asks Abby if she’s okay. Abby says nothing a week in the Bahamas wouldn’t cure. She asks Sam how she is, and Sam complains about Sally sticking her on nights which means less sleep, less money and she barely gets to see Alex. I would think that last one would be a good thing considering how annoying Alex is. Then Sam says she has to have a baby-sitter spend the night with him. That must suck. My babysitter would charge triple-overtime for that. Abby looks at her sympathetically.

Haleh comes in whining about how everyone turns into idiots when it rains, and Abby’s like “tell me about it” as she walks away. Sally wants to know why Haleh is there and Haleh tells her that Connie’s sick and asked her to cover. Sally says she’s already warned Haleh about her overtime. Haleh explains that she wasn’t planning to come in, she was just trying to help Connie out. Sally says she should have told Connie to call someone else. Haleh gives Sally an attitude and asks if she wants her to turn around and go back home. Sally’s says “unless you want another letter in your file”. Haleh stares at her, mockingly says “have a great day” and leaves. Sally then asks Sam if she can stay until they find a replacement. Sam pretends not to hear her so Sally repeats her name and Sam bitchily replies “why not?” Sally walks away and Sam mutters that it’s not like she’d be home in time to see Alex off to school anyway. Sam moves away as Morris walks behind her carrying a bunch of files. He slips and falls and the files go everywhere. I know it’s been done to death, but a good pratfall always gives me a chuckle and Scott Grimes did it perfectly here.

A couple of guys wearing yellow rain slickers like Abby’s, a med student and an orderly are moving a female patient who looks wide awake onto a gurney. Luka walks up and asks who this is. Yellow Slicker #1 tells Luka her name is Blair Collins, she’s 29 and she’s been sent in from Lake Shore Gardens for an infection around her G-tube. Luka presses on her stomach and asks if it hurts. Yellow Slicker #2 tells Luka she’s in a coma. Luka asks since when and YS #1 says “six years”. Luka’ surprised, then realizes what’s going on and tells them no way, they don’t have the room and that she doesn’t need to be there because the nursing home could give her antibiotics and have a doctor there change her G-tube. The Slickers ask what they are supposed to do and Luka says to take her back. They reply that they don’t get paid for round trips and that they have another run. Luka yells after them and Sam, who was standing down the hall, turns to look at him. She asks him what’s wrong and he tells her “nursing home dump”, and Sam just shakes her head and asks “what else is new?” Sam tells him she thinks Trauma Two is open and they start to walk down that way. Sally overhears and calls for Sam to go to triage, as she takes over. Luka says “you’ve got to be kidding me”, and Sam shakes her head and scoffs that it’s okay. She tells him not to worry about it as she walks away. Luka thinks it’s ridiculous and appeals to Weaver, who is standing nearby looking at some films, to do something. Weaver wants to know about what. Luka gestures in Sally’s direction and says “about the way she’s managing the staff”. Weaver tells him that if it’s a nursing issue it’s Sally’s “rice bowl”. Is this another Flower Drum Song reference? She tells them to work it out, as Luka chews on the inside of his cheek and looks up at the ceiling.

Dweebie doctor is explaining to Ray that morning rounds start at 10:00 am, which Ray thinks is good. Dweeb tells him that they discuss their toxicology consultations from the entire county. Looking Ray up and down in a really creepy way, Dweeb tells him that he will carry the pager every third day and that research conferences are on Thursday afternoons. Cut to someone pressing a snake’s head into the top of a beaker and getting the venom to shoot out. Yuck. And there’s lovely hissing sounds to accompany. Ray’s all psyched to see it. He wants to know if it’s poisonous, and Dweeb corrects venomous, yes. He dreamily says he’s studying “neurotoxic factors in crotalid venom”. Ray spots scorpions in a tank and says “oh cool”, then goes over to another tank where there’s a huge snake curled up. Unbelievably, he starts tapping on the glass, which even my five year olds know not to do. Dweeb is upset and yells at him to not do that. Shaking his head at Ray, he gestures for him to follow and tells him that his main focus will be the Poison Control Center. Dweeb explains that they get calls from both the public and other health care facilities. He tells Ray that he’ll have online access to an international database and that they are “here to back you up”. He pushes open the door, where there are a bunch of really large people who have obviously been getting their morning rations of deep fried fat right alongside Frank. They are all sitting with headsets on behind computer screens. Dweeb tells Ray that he’s number two. They all wave at Ray, who turns away looking disgusted.

Doris the paramedic is pulling a patient out of the rig in the downpour as Neela runs over to take it. Doris gives her the bullet that the woman’s name is Judy Anderson, she’s 31, and she was in a head-on collision of auto vs. cinderblock wall. Yikes. Judy’s upset and asking where Grace is. Judy’s obviously confused about what show she’s on because Grace is on with Will an hour and a half before ER. Doris reassures her that she’s coming soon. Neela asks Judy if she’s having any belly pain as Weaver walks up. Damn, ER must have a huge water bill with this episode because it is pouring. Judy says it hurts when she breathes. Neela tells Weaver that Judy has chest pain, with good vitals. In a nice touch, Doris holds a metal clipboard over Judy’s head to try to keep the rain off as she explains to Weaver that there was only one car. Judy’s yelling that she was pushed off the road and that they were driving like maniacs. She keeps asking for her daughter. Doris tells Neela that the baby is in Rescue 73. Neela asks Weaver to take the baby. Weaver looks unsure, but says okay.

Dubenko is commenting “nice work” about an ornate piece of iron. He asks if it’s custom as the camera pulls back and we see it sticking out of a man’s leg. Ouch. The guy tells him that it is, and says it’s Spanish Revival. Abby tells Dubenko that Ancef is on board. She says she thinks it missed the femur and Dubenko says it bagged the femoral artery because the foot is cold. He tells Abby to give him another 50 of fetanyl and take him upstairs. Why is Abby pushing meds? Isn’t that a nurse’s job? Don’t tell me she’s flipped back to that again, because really she was just miserable then. She tells the patient she’ll be right back and follows Dubenko out. Strangely, she’s wearing scrubs this episode. She was wearing them before she went out to get the coffee, so she had them on before her shift started. It’s just weird because I don’t remember her wearing them before since she’s become a doctor, except for when she and Jake changed into them after getting splashed on the way to work last year. Abby calls after Dubenko. He’s wearing a different color scrubs from hers. Do they color-code the departments now? Because I don’t remember Benton and Corday wearing different color scrubs from the ER staff, but whatever. She asks him if everything else is okay. Dubenko says that he thinks the patient will be back to work in a few weeks. Abby meant with him. He’s a little surprised. She continues that she knows it’s none of her business, which we all know has never stopped her before, and explains that she was in oncology last week and saw him. Dubenko gets it and tells her that he had his annual PSA screening. Abby actually says “Oh. Duh” and shakes her head at herself. She starts to apologize to him as he says “it came back 6.5”. She’s taken aback and comments that it’s a little high. Dubenko explains that the needle biopsy showed a “moderately differentiated prostate cancer”. Abby’s eyes widen and she sincerely tells him she’s sorry. He tries to dismiss it that it was caught early, stage T-1, and there’s a good prognosis with surgery. Abby nods encouragingly. Dubenko walks away towards the elevator and tells her he has to get her “ischemic foot boy” upstairs. She calls after him “Um, Lucien?” Lucien??? Guess that explains the “L” on his lab coat. And getting his ass kicked in grammar school daily would definitely explain the quirkiness. He turns towards her, and she continues that if he wants to talk to someone, or get a cup of coffee or something … He looks at her quizzically and says, alright, maybe later, and tells her that would be nice. She nods and says okay.

Abby walks down the hall to Admit and asks Frank if there’s anything besides fender benders. As Frank is telling her about a guy in Number Four who got scalded while driving by the hospital, she looks off in that direction, obviously recognizes who he’s talking about, and walks around to the other side of Frank. Smart move, Abby. Frank’s large enough to be good cover. Frank continues that some “crazy broad” was throwing coffee and the guy thought she was a nurse. Hence, the reason Abby is in scrubs this episode. Abby, glancing around Frank, tells him that it was probably somebody from ICU, and that they are “really wacky up there”. This little exchange was kind of funny.

Sam yells to Abby that she has a man with chest pain as she and another woman are helping him in through the doors. Abby runs over and asks him when it started. The woman with him said about 10 or 15 minutes before and that they came right in. Sam brings over a wheelchair and she and Abby help the guy who I at first thought was Mark Greene’s dad, but realized that it couldn’t be or else this show really has turned into a soap opera. But since he looks a bit like Holling from Northern Exposure, that’s what I’ll call him. Sam asks him what it feels like and he holds his chest and says it’s heavy here. Abby asks if he’s on any medication and he says Lipitor and aspirin. Abby wheels Holling and calls off some tests to Sam, who hurries away. The woman with him who is also wearing an entirely too low cut top and who I recognize as Coach Fox’s daughter Kelly from the show Coach, asks if he’s having a heart attack. Abby tells her that they have to look at the EKG before they can tell as Holling is making all sorts of “I’m in massive pain here” grimaces.

Ambulance doors burst open and the paramedics unload a baby strapped in a car seat that they say is three months old, but this kid is obviously much older and she is kicking her legs rhythmically. Paramedics tell Weaver that she has multiple lacs to the head, face and chest and that she was found outside the vehicle and it looks like she was ejected. Yikes. And she only has lacerations? That must be some car seat. Weaver can’t believe the car seat wasn’t anchored down. Paramedic says that the heart rate is in the 160’s. Weaver asks if they got access, but they said they tried twice but the IV blew. Weaver asks nurse Inez if she’s any good with tiny veins, and Inez says maybe. Weaver says she’ll take that as a yes.

Neela’s in Trauma Yellow and says that the C-spine is clear and to get her off the board. Nurse Dorie tells her that the pulse ox is 97 on two liters. Neela rolls Judy and they remove the back board. A fat cop is asking Judy about whether it was a pickup or SUV that ran her off the road. It was an SUV. She weirdly says it was blue or black, then states that it was definitely black. Neela tells her they are going to sit her up, as they are already doing it. Nice warning, Neela. Judy starts crying that her chest hurts. Fat Cop wants to know if she saw the driver or any passengers. She replies that there were at least two of them and that the driver was a teenager. Fat Cop asks his race, and Judy says he was white, but she’s not sure about the passenger. Neela states that the lungs are clear. Judy tells her it hurts when she breathes and Neela thinks she may have broken her breastbone. Ow. Neela spouts off some tests, which include a head CT, as Fat Cop wants to know more about the vehicle. Judy claims there was a bike rack on the roof and that they tried to force her off the road because they wanted to steal her car. How does Judy know that? Did they say something to her? If so, wouldn’t she be able to identify them better? And how come Fat Cop doesn’t ask her that? Fat Cop is an idiot. Judy asks if she’s bleeding, because obviously she doesn’t know how to use her peripheral vision to see the blood that is practically running into her left eye. Judy’s an idiot too. Neela tells her she hit the window, but it’s not that bad. Judy wants to know if she’ll need stitches. She will. Fat Cop asks if either of them had a weapon. Judy doesn’t know, it happened so fast. She’s getting agitated, so Neela tells Fat Cop that it’s enough for now, Judy has a concussion and needs to rest before going up for her head CT.

Weaver bursts into Trauma Green with Ejector Baby, as Luka is listening to Blair’s chest. He tells Weaver that they’re working in there, and Weaver tells him she has a trauma and needs the room. They move Blair out of the way, and Weaver tells them to go gently as they move Ejector Baby onto the table. Ejector looks pretty calm to me, but starts to cry as Weaver holds her head still. Inez says they are out of infant c-collars. Weaver asks Luka if he knows if they have any, and he tells her to use towel rolls. Weaver says the airway is patent, which the ever helpful Google informs me means it’s unobstructed. Weaver states that she can’t hear breath sounds with all that crying. If the kid is screaming like that, I would think it’s a pretty safe bet she’s breathing. She asks Inez for the sat, but Inez said it won’t pick up. Luka says the kid is pink, so the sat’s fine. Luka looks at Weaver curiously and asks if she wants him to take it. She’s offended that he thinks she’s rusty, which she so obviously is. Didn’t they make a point of having her work in the ER last season and have Susan tell us that Weaver took one shift a month to keep her skills up? Maybe since she’s gone, we’re just supposed to forget everything Susan ever said, which thankfully includes all of her Greek chorusing about Carter and Abby, and her supposedly witty expositions about Chen’s spunky sweater. Again, I really miss Sherry Stringfield. And her hair. Once again, everyone’s hair, including Neela’s surprisingly, is terrible. Though I guess that’s to be expected considering they’ve all gotten caught in the rain. Good thing Abby has that as an excuse this week. Luka bites his tongue. Weaver orders a head CT as the baby stops crying. Weaver’s afraid the baby is becoming apnic. She jostles Ejector a little, and she starts screaming again. Weaver thinks Ejector needs to be tubed, but Luka agrees with me that since the kid is yelling, the airway is obviously fine. Thanks, Luka. Weaver comes back that Ejector needs a head CT, and Luka challenges her that she’s going to submit the kid to the dangers of intubation “just to make things easier for the radiologist”. Luka assures Weaver that Ejector will settle down, she just has to give it a little time, but Weaver doesn’t think the baby has time. Weaver thinks agitation is an early sign of head injury, but Luka thinks it’s an appropriate response to a stressful situation, and reminds her that babies cry when they are scared. Weaver sarcastically thanks him, but tells him Ejector is her patient. She thinks Ejector’s mental status is waxing and waning and she could go apnic in the scanner, but Luka says then “you bag her through it”. Weaver ignores him and asks Inez for sedation. Luka tries to get her to hold on, because she’ll lose the neuro exam if she sedates Ejector, she should just observe her. Weaver’s agitated and retorts “and watch her bleed into her brain? No, thanks.” She tells Inez to push the meds. Luka implores Weaver to look at Ejector because she’s alert, pupils are equal and there’s good tone. Weaver again tells Inez to push the versed. Luka says “c’mon Kerry, we’ve both seen enough head trauma to develop gut feelings about this”. Weaver replies that her gut says Ejector needs a tube. Luka again bites his tongue and watches as Weaver intubates Ejector.

Judy is watching as they wheel Ejector from the Trauma room. She asks Neela where they are taking her. Neela tells her they are taking Ejector to CT. Judy wants to know why she had all those tubes hooked up and why she wasn’t moving. Neela replies that the tube is helping Ejector breathe, and that it is just a precaution because sometimes babies have to be sedated for CAT scans. Judy wants to know if the police have found anything, Neela says it’s still early and that they will. Neela is preparing to stitch up Judy’s face. Judy berates herself that she should have waited until it stopped raining, but Neela tells her that no one can control the weather. Neela explains that her head and belly CT’s were normal, but that she’s broken her breastbone and they’ll need to monitor her heart to make sure it wasn’t bruised. Judy’s not listening and says that she didn’t have to go out and she could have waited. She tells Neela that Ejector was fussy all night and that sometimes a car ride will calm her down. Judy wonders what she’s going to tell her husband and Neela unhelpfully says “need a new car?” Hee. She’s injecting Judy’s forehead to numb her before she puts in the stitches.

Jerry tells Weaver that she has a bunch of phone messages. Weaver hastily goes through them saying no to each, “tell Kayson to stop bothering me”, and that she’ll call Anspaugh back when she gets a chance. Then she says “oh, crap”. Apparently Henry has a birthday party to go to tomorrow. Isn’t he like a year and half? Or have they rapidly aged him like they do on the soaps and he’s a teenager now? Weaver wants Jerry to go to a toy store on Michigan Avenue. Jerry’s panicked because she wants him to go outside. Weaver assures him that it’s just a few blocks and tells him she needs a King Funshine, as anyone who grew up in the 80’s or is currently a parent of a toddler can tell you is a Care Bear, although I thought Funshine was girl, so she must have had a transgender epiphany sometime over the past two decades. Jerry wants to know if Weaver really wants him to go out in the storm. Weaver asks him if he’s afraid he’ll melt, and he counters “what about the lightning?” Because he’s a pretty big target. Weaver suggests he run in a zigzag pattern. Hee.

Sally gives Weaver Ejector’s test results. Weaver wants to know if she’s awake, and Sally leaves to check as Luka walks up to Weaver. They look at Ejector’s head CT, which is negative, just a little soft tissue swelling. Luka wants to know if she’s awake, but Weaver says she’s still sedated. Didn’t she just two seconds ago ask Sally the same question? This show can’t even keep the continuity in the same scene. Luka tells her that she can’t follow a neuro exam, but she replies that Ejector will wake up and they’ll extubate. Luka licks his lips sexily, because he can’t help it, and walks away as Sam walks up to the desk and says Weaver’s name. She has Ejector’s father with her, who is one of Dom DeLuise’s sons, but I forget which one and I really don’t feel like going back to the credits to check. Weaver takes Dom to his wife as Luka leans over the computer, and Sam is writing at the desk nearby. Frank comes up and asks them “aren’t you two supposed to keep fifty feet apart or something”, and Sam says “bite me, Frank” before I can tell him to shut up. She walks away and Frank tells Luka that if he asks him, Luka is better off. Luka singsongs that he didn’t. Funny delivery.

Lily! I don’t even remember the last time we saw her. How about bringing back Lydia, Yosh and Randi while you’re at it? Lily tells Abby that Holling is pain free after some meds she pushed. Kelly wants to know if that means he’s okay. Abby says it doesn’t look like a heart attack, but she thinks he has unstable angina. One of the arteries around his heart may be closing down, so he’ll have to stay in the hospital while they run more tests, but she thinks it’s just for a day or two. Kelly wants to know if he’s okay with it, and he bitches “like I got a choice”. Kelly smiles at him and tells him to hang in there. She winks at him, tells him she’ll stop by later and leaves. Abby chases after her. Abby wants her to stay, because the cardiologist may have some questions for her and her husband. Kelly corrects her that she’s not his wife, she’s his therapist. Abby asks if she’s a doctor. Kelly says she’s his “satisfaction facilitator”. Abby doesn’t know what that is, because Abby’s a bit dense. Kelly explains that she has a select group of clients that require something they are not getting at home. Abby still doesn’t get it, then it dawns on her and she says “Something … sexual.” Kelly nods and says that she provides the one thing that is missing that allows them to live happily ever after with their wives. I really don’t think your dad Hayden would approve of this, Kelly. Abby’s amused, she smiles and says “really?” Kelly explains that she helps women too. Abby cocks her head and nods. Kelly hands her a card and tells Abby to call her if Holling needs anything. Abby says okay and looks at the card as we hear Luka calling for some tests. Abby walks over to him in the Curtain Area where he is examining Blair. She asks “what’s this?” and he again disgustedly says “nursing home dump”, which I think is a really insensitive way of referring to a patient, even if she is in a vegetative state and probably can’t hear you. Luka bitches that he’s changing G-tubes on comatose patients now and asks her how her MI is. She replies that it’s unstable angina. Looking at the card, she asks him “just out of curiosity, what type of guy hires a satisfaction facilitator?” Luka narrows his eyes and looks at her questioningly, and she jokingly informs him that she believes it is the politically correct way of saying “call girl” these days. Luka raises his eyebrows, nods and says “a smart one?” Oh, no. Please don’t let this be the start of another round of Luka the Man-Ho. If we really have to relive a previous season, does it have to be Season 9??? Because honestly, except for Goran in the black turtleneck in “Hindsight” and the sexy sweating in the Congo, that whole season should have been a Bobby Ewing-back-from-the-dead-in-the-shower type dream sequence. Abby says “ah”, and Luka tells her that they have a saying in Croatia and proceeds to speak in Croatian which they really don’t allow him to do enough and damn it’s sexy. He translates “if it floats, flies, or …” and she fills in “fornicates?”, and he says “rent it”, and then he snorts. Hee. They grin at each other as Dubenko walks up to Abby. He and Luka exchange hellos, which is probably the most civil they’ve ever been to each other, and he asks Abby if she has a minute because he wants to take her up on the offer for coffee. She says sure and tells Luka to page her if he needs her. He nods grinning, as he walks away and Abby and Dubenko walk down the hall.

Judy wants to know how many stitches Neela put in. Neela tells her she has seven in her forehead and twelve on her cheek. Weaver brings Dom in and introduces him to Neela. Judy apologizes to Dom, who tells her it wasn’t her fault. He says the police told him what happened and that the bastards who did it should be shot. Judy tells him she tried to get away but she lost control, and he assures her that she did everything she could, and not to worry because the cops will get the guys. Judy asks if he’s seen Ejector, and he replies that she looks good and they think she’s going to be okay. Weaver tells her that they still have to run a few tests but that everything looks good and she’ll bring Ejector down as soon as she can. Weaver’s hair is an awful pumpkin shade. Not flattering. She’s looking a little puffy and plastic too. Dom tells Judy he’s going to go stay with Ejector until they are ready to bring her in to Judy. Then they exchange the obligatory “I love you’s”, Dom saying his particularly emphatically so that we know he is a serious actor, and he leaves. Neela puts an oxygen tube in Judy’s nose and tells her that Dom seems like a great guy. Judy starts crying. Neela tries to comfort her, but it comes out very wooden. Judy apologizes and says she’s not usually like this and cries harder. Neela purses her lips, which I think is supposed to look sympathetic, but really just makes her look constipated, and looks down at her chart.

Ray is in the call center telling a caller that the Venus flytrap is non-toxic, so it’s not lethal if ingested. And because he’s obviously seen Little Shop of Horrors, he then jokingly says that the larger ones are extremely dangerous and have been known to devour pets and small children. Nice, Ray. Really appropriate to be joking around on a Poison Control Hotline when you most likely have a distraught mother on the line. What an asshole. We hear a woman’s voice exclaim “oh my God, are you serious?” on the line, and Ray smilingly says that he made that last part up. The woman clearly starts ripping him a new one because he apologizes and says that she’s right, this is not the place for humor and he apologizes again as the woman hangs up on him. Dweeb is watching disapprovingly. Ray turns to him and asks “do you need any help with the snakes?” Dweeb leaves in a huff.

Abby is standing in the ambulance bay, presumably under some sort of cover because she doesn’t have her rain slicker’s hood up, but her hair is obviously wet. Weird. Dubenko is hurrying towards her with one hand holding a paper over his head and two coffees in the other hand. She tells him that they could have gone to the cafeteria, but he responds that the coffee there sucks as he hands her one. Under his breath he says “here we go”. He asks her if she told anyone else that she saw him upstairs, but she promises him she didn’t. She tells him that she wouldn’t have said anything to him but she thought that he might want to talk to somebody. Does she just assume that he doesn’t have any friends or anyone else he can talk to? And that of course he would want to talk to her because she’s wonderful and everyone always wants to spill their guts to her, even though they don’t really know each other very well and she’s sort of treated him with contempt in the past. God, sometimes she’s really annoying. I mean, I honestly like Abby, but sometimes her Savior complex is a bit much. He assures her that he appreciates the gesture. She asks him about his treatment options. He looks behind them and moves a box for her so she can sit down. He tells her he’s opted for a radical prostatectomy, which removes the entire prostate and some tissue around it. He says his urologist is Dr. Peter Singh and asks if she knows him. She doesn’t. Dr. Singh does a bilateral nerve-sparing procedure for patients like Dubenko with low volume disease. Abby says that’s great. Dubenko continues that unfortunately, even in the best circumstances, there’s a 25% chance of loss of erectile function. Abby’s eyes widen and she nods at him, apparently not liking the way this conversation is headed anymore than I am. Dubenko goes on about penile injection therapy, intraurethral pharmacotherapy, vacuum erection devices, or a penile prosthesis to achieve an adequate erection, as Abby starts to look away, getting more uncomfortable. Maybe that will teach you not to be such a buttinski, Abby. And Spellchecker likes “buttinski”. Hee. Stuttering, she says that the good news is that there’s a 75% chance of success. Dubenko informs her that the procedure also eliminates the ability to ejaculate, which makes her chew her lips, nod and go “uh huh”. He reports that the chance of urinary incontinence is relatively low so at least he won’t have to wear a diaper or need an artificial sphincter. She’s like “oh, well there you go”. Maura Tierney is absolutely great at acting ill at ease. Abby looks away, and Dubenko says “yeah”. Now Dubenko starts to stutter and says that it’s rather daunting knowing that you may never have sex again. Abby tells him it sounds like he’s in good hands, clearly trying to end this conversation as quickly as possible. He replies that he knows this is rather unconventional and under different circumstances he would have certainly employed a more traditional approach regarding courtship and romantic methodology. Abby’s not really looking at him and is sort of nodding along, clearly not getting where this is going. He goes on that he assuredly would have enjoyed all the ritual of that, and Abby, finally getting it, tilts her head back and stares at him. He resumes that given the time constraints and what he’s potentially faced with, and she tries to interrupt him, but he keeps going and says that if he’s going down, he wants to go down swinging and he’d like it to be with her, as we see lightning and hear thunder. She looks amused and says “so you want me to sleep with you?” and narrows her eyes at him. He smiles and says yes, and we hear an ambulance’s sirens in the background. She grins and looks down and disbelieving says “wow, that’s something”. She doesn’t really know what to say, but finally settles on telling him that she’s flattered, then glancing away says “I think”. Hee. But she tells him she can’t do that. He says he understands. She tells him it’s nothing personal, which is such a bad thing to say because it so is personal. Think she would have said no if it were Luka who asked her? Of course not, I said she was dense, not deranged. He tells her he was just asking purely from a scientific approach, which I guess is his way of covering since he had just gone over how he would have enjoyed a proper courtship. She’s looking down and nodding again. Then he asks her “what about after?” and closes his eyes and shakes his head at himself, knowing how desperate he sounds. She looks up and asks “after what?” Still shaking his head he says after the surgery, to see if everything still works. She tells him she’s going to have to take a pass on that, too. Hee. The ambulance has pulled in and Lily yells to Abby asking if she wants this, it’s a GSW to the chest. Of course she wants it and jumps up like a bat out of hell saying she better go. She then says “You want to hop on?”, closes her eyes when she realizes what she said and then tries “I mean, are you coming?”, which is even worse and she starts stammering. HA. He helps her out by telling her to place a chest tube and call him if the initial output is over 500 cc’s. I had been alternating between laughing and cringing throughout this entire conversation, but I laughed out loud at this last exchange. This whole discussion was entirely inappropriate and it made Dubenko seem a little pathetic. And a bit creepy. But his hair looked great wet. Leland Orser played this scene brilliantly, though I can’t imagine that either of these actors was too thrilled to do it. Also, this scene was so not a Public Service Announcement for Prostate Cancer awareness. After hearing Dubenko list the potential aftereffects, I can’t see many men running out to get screened. Anyway, Abby turned him down pretty decisively so I’m going to guess that there’s not going to be any big romance between these two. Abby puts her hood up and goes over to the ambulance.

Judy asks Neela how Ejector is. Neela says she’s been moved to one of the exam rooms. Fat Cop comes in with some mug shot books for Judy to look through. Judy says that it all happened so fast that she’s not really sure what she remembers seeing. Fat Cop wants her to take a look because a face might jog her memory. She yells that she can’t, which makes both Neela and Fat Cop look at her. Neela asks Fat Cop to step outside. Judy tells Neela she can’t look at those books. Neela wants to know why. Judy answers that it was pouring rain, she could barely see out the window, the car started to skid and she saw the wall coming but didn’t stop, she just kept driving. Neela ask her what she’s saying, what happened? Judy replies that she didn’t know Ejector’s car seat wasn’t clicked in. She assures Neela that she would never do anything to hurt her child. Neela wants to know if Judy did this on purpose. Judy sighs and says sometimes she can’t help it, she doesn’t know how to snap out of it and it’s like everything coming at her at once and she just wants it all to go away. Neela is staring at her. You really shouldn’t scowl like that Parminder, because you are starting to get a crease in your forehead and you are too young for Botox. Neela asks if she tried to hurt herself. Judy replies that she just wanted it to stop.

Neela approaches Luka and Weaver at Admit. She tells them she thinks Judy is suffering from severe postpartum depression. Inez comes up to tell Weaver that Ejector is waking up, if she wants to extubate. She walks away and Luka asks Neela what Judy’s symptoms are. Neela tells him that she thinks Judy intentionally drove into a wall with her baby in the car. She wants to put Judy on a psych hold. Dom comes up asking for Neela, while Luka tells her quietly to get Psych to come down. Dom wants to know if Judy can go home. Neela says not yet. Dom thought that since they moved Judy out of Trauma it meant she was ready to go home. Neela tells him they needed to clear the room and that they still have to rule out cardiac contusion. Her hair looks good in this scene, wavy, but not rain flattened. Neela asks Dom if Judy drinks alcohol. He looks at her questioningly and says she has a glass of wine now and then. Neela then asks about drugs. Dom says no and wants to know what it’s all about. Neela says they are routine questions for her chart, to avoid any drug interaction. And she’s scowling again. I’ve already warned you, Parminder. Neela wants to know if Dom’s noticed any mood change lately. He wants to know like what and Neela asks if she’s seemed depressed. He says no and Neela asks about loss of appetite or trouble sleeping. He asks her if she’s kidding because they have a three month old and I’m with him on that one. He just wants to take his wife and daughter home. Neela tells him she doesn’t want to send Judy home until she’s sure there’s no danger.

Sally asks Luka if he can help her clear some beds. Luka snottily replies that he thought he was. She asks if they can work together and wants to know what’s going on in Exam Two. They start going through the charts and deciding on a course of action for each patient. I’m again struck by how tall Kristen Johnston is. They get to Crystal Maranacchio who Luka says is waiting on an Ortho consult. Sally says she’s been cleared because Sally called the Attending. Luka says “you what?” Sally says it’s new policy. If a Resident doesn’t respond to a page in 60 minutes, they call the Attending. She tells him that all of the department heads signed off on it, except Psych because they are “crazy bastards”. Once again this show goes out of its way to trash the Psych Department. We haven’t seen competence there since Kim Legaspi left at the end of Season 7, unless you count Abby’s Super Med Student rotation in Season 10. Sally comments that Blair Collins has been there forever. Luka says he called the nursing home twice and they were supposed to be sending a ride. Sally says if it’s not there in 10 minutes, she’s going to put Blair in a cab. Luka replies that she’s comatose, and Sally explains that she was kidding.

Luka strides to the desk and yells for Frank to call the idiots at Blair Collins’ nursing home again and tell them she’s been ready to go for hours. Frank gets off the phone and tells Luka to do it himself because he’s busy. Yet again, shut up, Frank! A woman with a clipboard walks up to Luka and says “Dr. Kovac?” and introduces herself as Trish Gorham, Assistant Director of the nursing home and she is one of those idiots he was referring to. Luka, busted, tries to backpedal, but she lets him off the hook. Luka walks Trish over to Blair’s bed. He tells her that all Blair needs is IV antibiotics and that the G-tube could have been changed at the home. Trish replies that they are not staffed as well as the hospital and the gastro-neurologist doesn’t come out to the nursing home. Blair would have had to wait weeks for the G-tube to be changed. Luka wants to know if she has any family. Trish tells him no, her mother was killed in the crash that did this to Blair, and her boyfriend stopped coming around a long time ago. We hear a voice say “he didn’t even try to stop!” and see paramedics wheeling in a man on a gurney in the background. Luka excuses himself and goes over.

Patient is yelling for someone to call his son. Paramedics give the bullet as a 47 year old man who’s a victim of auto vs. pedestrian. Was it Abby’s coffee guy who hit him? Guy says he just ran out to get his kids some pizza and the driver didn’t even slow down. Luka’s listening to his chest and we see a huge bruise on his stomach. Luka says ecchymosis across the abdomen and pelvis. Google tells me that ecchymosis is, well, basically a bruise. Luka calls for four units of O-neg and prime the rapid infuser. Guy wants to know if he’s dying, Luka says no but tells him he may have some internal bleeding. Luka thinks his breaths are shallow, so they are going to intubate.

Dom is walking around with Ejector outside of Judy’s room. We see Neela and a man sitting talking to Judy. He’s asking Judy about how often she’s sad, which is not often, then what makes her happy, and she says Dom and Ejector. Shot switches to inside the room and oh, great, we see the Psychiatrist is Meyers. Have we seen him since Season 9? And again with the Season 9 references. Meyers did such a good job with Luka, so we know that Judy is royally screwed. Judy wants to know why they are asking all of these questions and Neela tells her checking mental status is routine after head injuries. Judy thinks her mental status is fine. Meyers wants to know if Judy has had thoughts about wanting to hurt herself. Judy hesitates, then jokes “not unless you count wanting to take a carving knife to my hips”. Shut up, Judy! You’re like a size 4. Bitch. Meyers asks if she ever thinks about wanting to hurt Ejector. Judy’s getting pissed and says “of course not”, then looks at Neela and asks what she told him. Neela tells her that she said she was upset and that she couldn’t snap out of it and that she wanted it all to stop. Judy is backpedaling big time and saying that she said she lost control of the car and couldn’t stop and that Neela’s putting words in her mouth. And Parminder is scowling again. Meyers tells her that it’s not uncommon for new moms to have bouts of depression and how stressful the first year can be. Judy angrily tells him that she’s not stressed or depressed, although she will be if she has to spend any more time there. She bitches at them to stop accusing her of being crazy and let her go. Neela swears that nobody is accusing her of anything and Meyers says they have to be extra careful when there’s a child involved. Judy exasperatedly replies that she appreciates their concern, but there is nothing wrong with her. Neela chews on her lips as Judy goes on that she’s had a rough day and just wants to take Ejector home and get some rest. Meyers tells her he hopes she recovers soon and gets up to leave. Judy’s eyes shoot daggers at Neela as she turns to follow him out.

They go out into the hallway and Dom asks if Judy’s ready to leave. Neela stalls him and says not yet, but tells him he can go back in. She goes over to Meyers and tells him that Judy’s changed her story. Meyers tells her there are no vegetative symptoms, no anhedonia, which is the inability to gain pleasure from normally pleasurable experiences (thanks again, Google), or have a depressed affect, and in fact Judy seems to be in good spirits. Neela tells him that something is going on, because Judy as much as confessed that she deliberately smashed her car. Meyers tells her that Judy’s not saying that now. Neela forcefully complains that Judy’s lying and starts to say that she’s a prime candidate for severe … but Meyers cuts her off and says that he wants to be sure that she doesn’t have postpartum depression just as much as Neela does. He explains that it is a difficult condition to diagnose and if the patient is in complete denial or lying to him, he not only can’t tell, he can’t hold her. Meyers is an idiot, but then again they’ve shown everyone in Psych to be, so what else is new. He tells Neela he gave Judy every opportunity to let them know. Shut up, Meyers! You were in there for about 2 minutes. Real thorough assessment. For a second I wish Neela were Abby so that she could roll her eyes at him, which is the appropriate reaction to that statement. He apologizes to Neela and walks away. Neela’s expression says “what the hell am I supposed to do now”.

Sally is pushing some guy in a wheelchair with one hand and carrying charts with another, so of course the charts dump onto the floor. Weaver comes over and asks if she needs a hand and Sally says she needs eight, as she and Sally start retrieving charts. Wheelchair man is complaining that something hurts. Weaver asks who he is. Sally responds that he’s the driver of the auto vs. pedestrian and Wheelchair is holding both of his hands up in front of him and his fingers are all bent up. He bitches that the guy ran out in front of him and asks them to please give him something. Sally tells Weaver he has no head or chest pain, and dismissively says he complains of bilateral thumb pain. He grumbles that he can’t even make a fist as Sally tells Weaver they don’t have any beds. Weaver says to park him and she’ll see what she can do. Neela comes up and informs Weaver that Psych is refusing to admit Judy. Weaver questions “Psych?”, and Neela explains that she believes the collision was deliberate. Weaver admits that she knows Neela suspects postpartum depression – then why ask about Psych? Obviously, she would have called them, Weaver. God, that’s infuriating. Weaver asks if Judy admitted it, and Neela responds “practically”. Neela runs down how Judy is overwhelmed, the baby seat wasn’t anchored, and she drove head on into a wall.

Close-up of the tank with the Hummel, again. Frank is answering the phone and immediately putting everyone on hold and wants to know if anyone has seen Jerry. Weaver, Neela and Sally walk up and Weaver explains that she sent him on an errand. Neela’s surprised and asks “you sent him out in this?” She adamantly states that you don’t send Jerry out in the rain, and Sally comments that she’s heard that too. Weaver’s all “what?” Neela thinks she should get DCFS involved, and it first I think she means about Jerry, which makes no sense, but realize she means Judy, which does. Weaver wants to know if she’s talked to Dom, because he might be able to convince her. Weaver thinks a voluntary admission would be better. Neela says she’ll try and walks away. Sam asks Franks where Jerry is. Frank whines that Weaver sent him on an errand. Sam’s shocked and says “oh, no, you didn’t”. Weaver wants to know what the big deal is. Sam responds that the “big man does not do well in the wet weather”. Weaver asks what the hell that means, as she walks away, not waiting for the answer. I guess the writers just want us to forget that Weaver has worked with Jerry for a gazillion years now and I’m sure would know if he had a problem going out in the rain. Don’t you just love plot contrivances?

Three kids come up to Sam at Admit looking for their dad who was hit by a car. Sam says the doctors are still treating him. Oldest kid is played by Daniel Clark, who was Sean Cameron on Degrassi: The Next Generation, and I really do need to get out of the house more. Sean is carrying his sister and says to Sam that they were told their dad got hit crossing the street and she tells them that the driver was talking on his cell phone and wasn’t paying attention and went right through the crosswalk. That’s one of my biggest pet peeves, especially since you can often find universal cell phone headsets that work just fine at the dollar store, like I did. Sam starts to take the kids back to see their dad when Sally stops her and says that she can go home now because she got a float from ICU to come down. Sam says she’s going to stay and help the kids. Sally tells her she’s welcome to do it, but she’s needs to be off the clock, which is fine by Sam, and she continues to take the kids down the hall.

Dom again wants to know if he can take Judy home. Neela tells him they’d like to keep her overnight for observation. Dom can’t believe it and wants to know why. Neela thinks Judy needs some help. Dom’s not understanding and says that he’s tried to talk her into a hiring a nanny, but Judy thinks it will make her feel like she’s less of a mother. Neela doesn’t mean that kind of help. Scowling yet again, Neela explains that she thinks Judy needs psychiatric help. Dom’s all “what?” Neela wants them to sit down. Right out there in the hallway. Great place for a private discussion, Neela. She paraphrases what Meyers told Judy earlier about how it’s not uncommon for new moms to be overwhelmed in the first year. Dom wants to know why she’s making a big deal out of this. Neela responds that it is usually short-lived and goes away once the baby gets into a routine and the mom’s hormones stabilize, but that sometimes it lasts longer and becomes more severe, developing into postpartum depression. Dom insists that’s not Judy. He says that she’s anxious to get back to work and she’s sometimes a little down about that, but that it’s normal. Neela replies that purposely trying to hurt yourself and your baby isn’t. He wants to know what she’s talking about, because Judy had an accident because she was forced off the road, but Neela says she doesn’t believe that’s what happened. Lily comes up and tells Neela she has a patient in Two. Neela says okay and asks Dom to talk to his wife and ask her what really happened in the car before walking away.

Luka is trying to intubate Guy. Dorie hangs an IV and Inez is bagging him, which after I first wrote that I realized that it sounded like she was bagging Luka, in which case I’d say smart girl. Luka says they need the rapid infuser and Dorie replies that it’s in Curtain Four and she’ll get it. Luka tells Inez to turn on the suction. Inez says that it’s on and Luka tells her it’s not. She says she has it on high but Luka says he’s not getting anything. Oh, Luka, I’ll give you something. Sally’s watching this exchange and tells Inez to go next door and help Abby with the chest tube. Luka bitches to Sally “I’m not allowed to work with any of the nurses now?” Luka’s bitching a lot this episode, but he’s so cute when he does it that I forgive him. He pissily tells her that he needs suction because he can’t see the cords and Sally tells him to hold his horses while she's fiddling with the machine. She explains that the suction container wasn’t sealed properly and he glares at her before resuming the intubation. She looks at him and sarcastically says “you’re welcome” before handing him a tube. Dorie brings in the infuser as Sally goes in to Trauma Green.

Abby is working on the GSW victim. She’s putting in a chest tube and asks Inez for O-silk. Inez doesn’t give it to her and Abby asks again, adding impatiently “come on”. Inez hands it to her. Abby says she wants to auto-transfuse the patient, but Inez apparently doesn’t know what she means, so Sally steps in and tells her to go back and help Luka. She bends a little as she grabs Inez by the arm and hello Sally’s cleavage! Didn’t need to see that. Inez goes back into Trauma Green.

Inez asks Luka what he needs. He spouts off some things ending with a t-pod, and Inez asks what it is. Dorie grumbles “Fine, I’ll get it … again”. Shut up, Dorie! You’ve had like two lines in all the years you’ve appeared on this show and you waste one of them bitching about a fellow nurse. You’ve been annoying ever since you played Mr. Edwards adopted daughter Alicia on Little House on the Prairie when you were a kid. Wow, I really am pathetic. Inez asks Luka what he wants her to do first. He tells her to find the O-neg as Sally yells in asking if everything’s okay. Luka tells her “for the time being” as he snaps off his gloves. He wants Inez to order four units of type specific, and she says she will after she gets the IV hung. Luka sees Sam in the hallway and yells for her. She comes in and he tells her Guy has a hypotensive pelvic fracture and “needs the works”. Sam tells Luka that Guy’s kids are out there and Luka shouts to Frank to take them to the Family Room. Sally looks worriedly at Luka and Sam and says she’ll be right in. Super Nurse Sam of course takes over, anticipating Luka’s every need in the trauma. Luka has gloves on again. Why did he take them off in the first place and when did he put new ones on? Luka wants to know where Dorie is with the t-pod, and Sam gets some off a shelf in the room. See Dorie, don’t know as much as you think you do. Bitch. Sam hands Luka instruments before he asks for it, and he looks at her approvingly. Sally comes in asking where they need her, but Sam says they are all set. Sally thanks her and tells her she’ll take it from there. Sam glances at Luka and says she’ll go see about the kids.

Dom is telling Fat Cop that his wife really can’t say what happened and she had a pretty good whack to the head. Fat Cop says there’s not much they can do if she doesn’t identify the guys. Dom replies that it’s okay because she’s not sure what she remembers and doesn’t even know if it was intentional. Neela overhears all of this. Fat Cop’s pissed and tells Dom to let him know if his wife changes her mind and walks away shaking his head. Neela tells Dom he did the right thing and the next step is to get his wife some help, but he thinks the next step is to take her home. He walks away saying that Judy isn’t crazy, she had an accident. Neela would rather she chose to stay rather than have Psych put her on a forced hold. Dom tells her Judy’s going to be fine and for her to just leave them alone.

Dorie and Luka are wheeling Guy towards the elevators as Sam and the kids walk behind. Sam is explaining what is going on with their dad. She tells them that Guy has a broken pelvis and that he’s bleeding inside. She says he’s lost a lot of blood and they need to know that it’s serious. Sean blames himself and says it should have been him because he was supposed to go get the pizza, but he didn’t want to go out in the rain. Wheelchair is in the background on his cell phone – isn’t that not allowed in a hospital? – complaining how some “pizza guy” just walked out in front of him. Sean hears him, calls him a “jerk off” – remember when they used to now be allowed to say that on TV? – and goes after him. He grabs Wheelchair’s phone and throws it yelling about “what was so damn important” that he was talking on the phone while he was driving. Sean grabs him and starts shaking him, and Luka pulls him off saying “that’s enough”. Wheelchair complains for them to keep Sean away from and Luka tells him to shut up. Luka calms Sean down saying that he know he’s mad, but his dad’s condition is serious and his brother and sister need him. Sam says she’ll take them to the Family Room.

Inez stops Luka and says that one of his patients is getting agitated. He asks which one and she says the girl from the nursing home. Luka informs her that Blair’s in a coma and Inez says “not anymore”. Luka walks over as a nurse helpfully pulls back the curtain just as he walks up. Wasn’t that convenient? Blair is awake and looking around. Luka introduces himself. Blair wants to know where her mom is. She’s having no problem speaking after having been in a coma for six years? So realistic. Camera zooms in on Luka’s disturbed face because he looks so pretty.

After commercial, Luka is trying to get Blair to hold her hands up, but she’s having a little trouble keeping them raised. She wants to know what’s wrong with her. Luka’s clearly conflicted about what to tell her, so he asks her what the last thing she remembers is. She says she and her mom were going to the mall and it was snowing. She asks if they were in an accident. He doesn’t answer so she asks if her mom is okay. He doesn’t know what to say, so stutters that he wasn’t the one to treat her but he’ll see what he can find out, and smiles at her reassuringly. He walks over to Sam and raises his eyebrows. She asks how Blair is and he says she doesn’t remember anything. Sam wants to know what Luka is going to tell her but he doesn’t know. “Your mother’s dead, and you’ve been in a coma for six years?” Yeah, I think that would be a real good idea, Luka. Except, not. He asks Sam how the kids are doing. She got a hold of some relatives who are with them now. Sally walks behind Luka and asks Inez to walk with her. Sam thinks she should get in on this and follows.

Sally tells Inez that she thinks she has potential, but that she’s got to be in there honing her skills at every spare moment. Sam asks Sally if she’s got a second and Sally dismisses her “not really”. Sam keeps going and gets in Sally’s face that if she’s so concerned with the efficiency of the department then she needs to let those who work well together to continue to do so. Inez looks back and forth between them. Sally starts to ask Sam if she’s referring to something, but Sam interrupts snottily that if Sally wants them to act like professionals she needs to treat them that way. She continues that Sally saw how well she and Luka worked together and if it didn’t prove that they can work the same shift, then obviously Sally doesn’t know her job as well as she thinks she does. Sam’s projecting a serious attitude, but instead of calling her on it, Sally’s a bit amused and asks her if she feels better and tells her “FYI, I already changed the schedule. You’re back on your old shifts next week”, totally knocking Sam off her high horse. Sally walks away and Sam says “thank you”. Then she smiles at Inez and tells her not to worry, she’ll get the hang of it and relates how when she first started she could barely hook up an IV. Inez says she felt like an idiot and Sam offers to help her when she needs it.

Lily is taking GSW up to surgery and Abby wants to be paged when he’s out. She spots Kelly and states the obvious that “she’s back”. Kelly says that she had a cancellation and asks how Holling is. Abby starts to walk her over and Kelly says she was calling his cell, but he didn’t answer. What is with these people and cell phones in the hospital? Abby says he’s doing great and they are just waiting for him to be taken up to the cath lab. Kelly thinks that sounds ominous. As they enter Holling’s room, Abby explains that they are going to do an angioplasty, which is a procedure where they insert a catheter into a blood vessel in his leg, thread it up to his coronary artery, which is used to inflate a balloon that will open up the blockage. Holling guesses the cheese steaks have caught up with him. Considering the amount of grease that accumulates on those things, I think that’s a pretty safe guess, Holling. Kelly comments that she’s been telling him to eat better for years. Someone who is obviously Mrs. Holling comes rushing over. He’s all happy to see her and doesn’t seem to be the least bit concerned that Kelly is standing there. Weird. Kelly’s smiling at Mrs. Holling and Abby seems a bit amused by this situation. Holling introduces Mrs. Holling, who’s smiling obviously wanting to know who Abby and Kelly are. Abby glances at Kelly, then introduces herself. Holling tells Mrs. Holling that everything is okay, that he has a little blockage, but they are going to fix it. Mrs. Holling looks at Kelly and says “I didn’t get your name”. Kelly introduces herself as “Shawna” and has a really cheesy grin on her face. And her eyebrows are either way over-plucked, or she’s shaved them off and penciled ones in. She shakes Mrs. Holling’s hand, as Holling finally has the grace to look down a bit abashed. Mrs. Holling wants to know who Kelly is and Abby helpfully says “therapist”, and then adds “from Cardiology”. Kelly keeps up the goofy grin. Mrs. Holling doesn’t seem to buy it so Kelly starts to repeat verbatim what Abby just told her about the angioplasty. That seems to appease Mrs. Holling. Kelly says “Good luck, Mr. Rappaport” which it took 45 minutes before we learned that is Holling’s last name. She says she has to get back to her other “patients” and leaves. Abby excuses herself and follows Kelly out.

In the hall, Kelly thanks Abby for covering for her and says she owes her. She then tells Abby that if she ever needs a sex therapist, but Abby says “I … I think I’m good”. Hee. She looks over and sees Dubenko at Admit and says to Kelly “Now that you mention it. Do you ever do any pro bono work?” And because I’m twelve, I giggle like Beavis and Butthead because I heard this as “pro boner”.

Neela is on the phone at Admit telling someone how she disagreed with Meyers’ assessment and is asking for a second assessment from another attending. Jerry pushes past her and Weaver asks him where he’s been because she was getting worried about him. She jokingly says that everyone was acting as if she sent him out in a hurricane. She asks him if he’s okay. He holds up a scorched bag from the toy store and hands it to her. She pulls out a blackened Care Bear and asks “what the hell happened to King Funshine?” Great delivery on that line. Frank asks Jerry if he got hit by lightning again and Jerry nods. Weaver laughing says that he didn’t get hit by lightning and Jerry holds up her change, that has been fused together. Hee. Weaver gets panicky and tells Jerry they are going to get him on a cardiac monitor and starts ordering tests.

Neela is still on the phone trying to get the other Psychiatrist to come down by saying this is about the welfare of a mother and her child, and apparently the attending agrees to have a look because Neela gets excited and literally jumps up and down. She calls to Weaver who is examining Jerry and makes sure that if asked, Weaver agrees with her assessment, and Weaver says sure. Neela spots Dom and Judy starting to leave with Ejector. She rushes to stop them. She tells them she has good news and that one of the Attendings upstairs has agreed to come down to speak with them. They blow her off and say they are going home. Neela tries to get them to stay but they keep on walking. Neela pleads with them that she just wants what’s best for her and the baby, and Dom tells her to leave them alone. Neela implores Judy that she needs to speak with someone. Dom says she just needs to rest. Neela knows she doesn’t want to hurt herself or Ejector, but she needs professional help. Judy asks if Neela has children and she says she doesn’t. Dom wants to know how she knows what she’s talking about. Um, maybe all the years of med school and her residency? She follows them outside into the rain. Dom says that his wife has “a touch of the baby blues and you want to lock her up?” Neela says she doesn’t want to lock anyone up, she just wants Judy to get the help she needs. Dom snottily responds “oh, by giving her drugs?” Calm down, Dom Cruise. Neela rightfully tells them that ignoring this is not going to make it go away, as Dom places Ejector car seat in the back of a car. He obviously doesn’t click her in, so it must be a habit with these two. Neela is really beseeching them that this needs to be treated like any other disease. And she’s getting soaked and her hair is sticking to her face. She’s shouting that this could happen again and that it could be worse. They completely ignore her, get in the car and drive away. Neela watches after them, but weirdly she seems to be looking up, as if their car pulled a Back to the Future move and started floating in the air. Maybe she’s just watching the camera, because this is a crane shot and it pulls up and away. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing this family again.