Sunday, December 04, 2005

ER 12.9 I Do

Previously on ER: Planes crashed …fire … bodies … chaos … and Uncle Jesse from Full House. Uncle Jesse, Neela and Uncle Jesse’s partner surveyed the scene and Partner commented “Oh, man”; Luka told Weaver that he’s been there a long time, he knows the people, he knows the department, and he just wanted to put his name “into the mixture”; Luka asked Weaver if she wanted him to take over a case, and she bitched at him “What, do you think I’m rusty?”; Luka was laying in bed and flipped up the covers, which tossed a black bra into the air that a towel-clad Abby caught; Luka told Abby that she’s been the one person he can count on and that friendship means a lot to him as she looked stunned; Abby asked Luka “What we’re saying is that we’ll just stay friends, then?”; Neela reminded Uncle Jesse that she told him she has a boyfriend, he asked if he was a lawyer, or a commodities trader, then snottily added “a dentist”?, for which I still have not forgiven him because my husband is a dentist, Neela answered that he’s a doctor, Uncle Jesse hoped he’s at County but Neela corrected that he’s in the army and Uncle Jesse wanted to know if he was coming home; Gallant got out of a taxi in front of Neela’s apartment building, they spotted each other and she ran to him and flung herself into his arms, blocking traffic.

Oh, this is a good sign. Moving bedcovers and laughter. Please, if there is a God, let it not be Ray. At the foot of the bed, Neela pops her head out from under the covers and says “That has got to be the wankiest idea I’ve ever heard. You must be shell-shocked”, which is always such an appropriate thing to say to a returning soldier, as I am assuming she is talking to Gallant. Again, please not Ray. And Neela’s hair looks perfect. How did she manage to not get bedhead? We hear a muffled voice saying “What are you … wankiest?”, so Neela translates “Uh, foolish, ridiculous, possibly even stupid”. Gallant pokes out from under the duvet saying that this is the best idea that he’s ever had and doesn’t know what the problem is. And Gallant is bare-chested. Yum. You go, Neela. Who cares if he has the personality of a tree stump? Laughing, Neela tells him that it’s sweet, but “best”? She doesn’t think so. She notices the clock and it’s ten after seven and she has to get to work.

Close-up of a frosted glass shower door and a man’s voice, sounding like it’s coming from behind the door, groans and asks for one good reason why “we shouldn’t”. The door pushes open and Neela peeks her head out saying that it’s a hundred degrees in there and she’s about to die. So, Neela and Gallant in the shower, eh? Again, you go Neela. And why can’t we see it? We were subjected to the awful, cringe-inducing shower that Carter and Abby took together in Season 9, so just about anything would be racy by comparison. And I’ve already explained how good Gallant looks without a shirt. More, please. Gallant thinks Neela is trying to change the subject, but she says she can’t breathe, and the way she said this implies that she probably feels she’s suffocating from more than just the hot water. Gallant tells her she can be honest with him. She insists that she is and that she can’t breathe and pushes the door open wider so that she can get out of the shower. Gallant’s arm grabs her back in. She yells “Michael!” and as always, it took me a minute to remember that’s his first name. Especially since Neela’s the only one that calls him that. But I guess it’s good that she does – she could have been like Abby calling her boyfriend “Carter” and always appearing confusing whenever anyone referred to him as “John”.

Now they’re on the El and Gallant tells her that he’s not budging until she gives him one good reason why they shouldn’t. She replies that he’s gone completely mad. He tries to convinces her by saying “Oh, come on, no muss, no fuss”, to which she answers “no family”. He concedes that they might be a little surprised. Neela retorts “Oh, you think?” and sarcastically continues “Hi, Mum, hi, Dad. Guess what I did today?” Gallant thinks they’d get over it, but Neela doesn’t think hers would. Gallant tells her that they’ll have to, because he loves her. I get that we’re supposed to think Gallant is cute and charming with the impulsiveness here and all, but it just doesn’t ring true because this character has never really had any spark. Neela had more chemistry with Uncle Jesse, even when she was ripping open his gut. Gallant thinks it will be a great story to tell their grandchildren and “they’ll think we were crazy”. Neela gives him a “you’ve got to be kidding me look”, because she realizes just how many years it actually would be before they’d have grandchildren and she knows she’d have died from boredom long before then. She thinks they would be crazy, and I totally agree. Gallant asks, kind of petulantly, “Do you love me?” Neela, still giving him that look, weirdly closes her eyes for a second, then over-emphatically states, “yes, I do”. Gallant jumps on the fact that she already said “I do” and that settles it then, they are “getting hitched today”. Neela tells him to wait, not so fast. They just look at each other for a bit, and then she smilingly asks him if she’ll get a bouquet. He smiles back, then leans over and kisses her. Then he embraces her and starts really kissing her as she sort of half-heartedly protests before giving in. Of course, people around them on the El just smile at these two crazy kids, and not one person yells out “Get a room!” like I would have. Disappointing.

After Opening Credits, an older woman with a bandaged head is snoring as we hear Morris saying “Glenda Bardelerinsky, 53, uh, little head lac, CT negative”. Morris is presenting this to Abby and tells her to move Glenda out of the Curtain Area and to an Exam Room, and let her sleep it off and then “a la casa”. Shut up, Morris! I thankfully have not had to deal with you for two episodes and here you are, jumping up and down on my last nerve already. Haleh starts to move the gurney and Abby says to let her know when Glenda is set up. For some strange reason, there’s a stop sign peeking out from under Glenda’s pillow. Abby asks Morris, “What’s with the stop sign?” Thanks, Abby, I’d like to know, too. Morris explains that Glenda is a school crossing guard and bitches “Doesn’t that just make you sick? The idea that that woman is getting drunk on the job?” Abby gives him that purposely blank look and keeps quiet like she does any time they have to deal with a drunk patient and one of the doctors goes on a tirade about drinking. He continues “Small, innocent, helpless, possibly even frail children in her charge …” and gets distracted by something he sees. His eyes widen and he’s all “whoa, what’s happening in there?” as Abby follows his gaze to see Weaver in one of the Exam Rooms, having an animated discussion with Luka and Clemente, new Attending, better known as John Leguizamo, aka Chi-Chi Rodriguez from To Wong Foo. Luka looks back at her through the glass. Abby and Morris turn towards Admit and Morris asks Frank if he knows what’s going on. Pratt, who’s standing at the desk, tells him “I think they’re talking about you”. Hee. Frank guesses that Weaver is kicking their butts. Sam walks over, once again with an entirely inappropriate tie-dye shirt on under her scrubs. She thinks Weaver will kick both Luka and Chi-Chi’s butts right out of there if they don’t stop yapping at each other. Since you insanely dumped him, you no longer need to concern yourself with Luka’s butt, Sam, because his ass is mine, thank you very much. And also, shut up! For your information, “yapping” means “talking noisily” or jabbering, which is not what you were implying. So if you are going to make smartass comments, better verb choosing is in order. Ray, also in an unsuitable-for-the-workplace tee, asks if one of them is going to be the new ER Chief. Sam shrugs, while Frank isn’t laying money on “the nosebleed”, referring to Chi-Chi’s nasal hemorrhaging after his argument with Luka in “The Human Shield”. Morris doesn’t know what he means, and Abby replies, walking away, “You miss just about everything, don’t you?” Hee. Her delivery making it clear that she wasn’t just referring to his physical presence.

Volunteen KJ walks past the desk and Pratt stops him, wanting to know where he’s going. Volunteen says that the guy in Curtain One wanted him to go get some doughnuts. Pratt grabs the money away from him and asks what he’s thinking. Volunteen complains that the guy was going to give him a tip. Pratt orders him to take a urine sample from Exam 3 to the lab. Jerry tells Volunteen that he needs him to run up to the surgical floor, too, because they need a level one rapid infuser. Volunteen clarifies that Jerry wants him to go to the surgical floor and Jerry nods. Volunteens rushes off, looking very happy. Considering that he passed out a few weeks ago in Trauma Green when Wounded Cop’s arm started spraying blood, I’d think Volunteen would want to stay far away from anyplace where this is a common occurrence.

Weaver comes over to Admit, followed by Luka and Chi-Chi. She starts barking that she wants them to clear some of these patients. She explains that she’ll be on today, but wants them to run their cases through either Luka or Chi-Chi. Morris asks incredulously “you’re on today?” and Weaver gives him a withering look to which he stutters that it’s good, because she’s stuck up in administration all the time and it’s good to keep her skills honed. Hee. I love Weaver. Grinning, she announces that Luka and Chi-Chi are sharing the honor of running the Board today, causing Abby, who is standing behind her to whip her head around and look back and forth between them. Sam smirks “share?” and looks over at Luka and Chi-Chi disbelievingly as Haleh tells Abby that the head lac is ready for her. Weaver nods to Luka and Chi-Chi, who fall over themselves ingratiatingly allowing the other to go first. Everyone watches this exchange amusedly, until Weaver rolls her eyes, shakes her head, and yells for Chi-Chi to do it.

Haleh and Abby each have one of Glenda’s arms, as, out of it, she struggles against them. Abby is trying to prep her for an IV and keeps telling her to stop. Glenda mumbles “don’t make nobody …” Chuny comes in and tells Haleh that her paranoid gardener needs another slug of haldol. Unless you want your yard overrun with weeds or the grass mown in crop circles, it’s probably not a good idea to give tranquilizers to your landscaper, Haleh. Abby tells her to go ahead, she’s got this. Um, since it’s been taking the two of you to restrain Glenda, I really don’t think you do, Abby. Haleh gives Abby the needle and exits. Abby tells Glenda she’ll feel a little stick, which causes Glenda to cry out and throw her arm up, causing blood to run down. Abby says “crap”. Luka comes in and tells Abby that Ortho’s there for her tib-fib, which must be an off-screen patient because Abby wasn’t limping, so I’m sure her legs are fine. Glenda belatedly repeats Abby’s expletive saying over and over “crap”. Hee. Luka walks over to stand behind Abby, who is still putting in the IV. Hearing Glenda’s blathering and noticing her arm bleeding, he says “nice”. Luka leans closer to Abby as she tells him that Morris signed Glenda out as a garden-variety drunk, but that her IV “is bleeding like stink and her head lac is oozing around the sutures”. Luka superciliously discloses that alcoholics are a little coagulopathic, which Google wasn’t really helpful with, but I’m sure has to do with slow blood clotting. Glenda is muttering, as if cursing, “Stuck you”. Hee. Glenda’s cracking me up. Luka is standing really close behind Abby, practically touching her. Lucky. And, bitch. She asks him how his little sit-down with Weaver was. Glenda mumbles “no crossing … I told you, you little punks” as Luka says that Weaver was telling him and Chi-Chi how charming they are. Still working on Glenda’s arm, Abby laughs and disbelievingly asks over her shoulder “no, really?” Luka looks at her and grins asking in a low and kind of seductive voice, “What, you don’t think I’m charming?” Abby chuckles and playfully tells him she thinks he’s extremely charming, but she also thinks … as Glenda lunges forward a bit yanking her arm and babbling. Abby makes a face and pulls back, sort of into Luka, who reaches out to help with Glenda’s arm. Glenda’s grumbling “Oh, crap, spilled my coffee”. Abby glances back at Luka before turning to Glenda. Luka leans in even closer to Abby and continues that Weaver told them they have to get along better, leave a better impression to the residents and be more agreeable, as Glenda rambles about “fat little children”. Abby raises her eyebrows, quickly looks over at him and smirking says “well, that’s a lot to ask”. Luka asks “You don’t think I’m agreeable?” Abby shrugs still grinning and says she thinks he’s agreeable, yes, but he interrupts jesting “yeah, but you still think I’m full of …” as Glenda, apparently not approving of workplace flirting, swings her arm around. Luka recoils in time, but Glenda manages to smack Abby in the head. Ha!!! She yells “oh!”, as Luka flinches, grabs Glenda’s hand, glances at Abby, and tries not to laugh. And Glenda succeeded in making Abby’s already messy hair, even more so. Thanks, Glenda. I so wanted to be all about the hair again. Except, not.

Gallant happily tells Frank that active duty servicemen can get married the same day and adds “bingo”. Does anyone under 60 use that expression? Well, we know from the mix CD that Neela made him earlier this season that Gallant’s an Easy Listening type guy, so I guess this isn’t totally out of the realm. Next he’ll be wearing flannel pajamas, smoking a pipe and expositing, “Back in my day …” Frank tells him that he realizes that it’s all sex now, but 20 years down the road, she’s dragging you off to the Moose Lodge for folk dancing and bingo. Shut up, Frank! If anyone’s dragging anyone to the Moose Lodge, it’s Gallant dragging Neela, because this sounds right up his alley, what with the bingo and all. No worries, Neela. The boredom thing will have done you in long before this ever happens. Morris tells Gallant that he’s damn envious of him. Oh, no, does Morris have a thing for Neela? Better get in line behind Uncle Jesse, Morris. And Ray. And I think Pratt, too. And probably Chi-Chi , considering how impressed he was and the sexually harassing type remarks he made to her when she was wearing the black dress and stilettos two episodes ago. Morris goes on about Gallant finding his soulmate. Know what you mean, Morris. As I explained last show, Luka is mine. What with the cooking, and washing dishes, and you know, the nakedness and all. And did I mention he’s wearing a “Luka blue” shirt tonight. Delicious. But Gallant and Neela? Soulmates? Not the term I’d use. Boff buddies, sure. Settling sweethearts? Comfort companions? I hope to God that if they do actually get married, which seems a given seeing as this episode is titled “I Do”, Gallant either begs, steals, borrows or develops a personality, because Neela’s really come into her own this season and I’d hate to see her backslide by being dragged into the Mire of a Marriage to Monotonous Michael. Morris is blathering about finding someone to share your hopes and calm your fears, Gallant just “uh huh’s” him as Chi-Chi looks amused in the background. Morris continues about someone to hold your hand in the dark night and as he walks past, Chi-Chi tells him that’s a good one and he should keep telling himself that and maybe he’ll believe it. I think Chi-Chi got a haircut … a bad one by the looks of it because he’s looking a bit Ed Grimley-esque. Jerry comes up to Gallant and offers his services to officiate at the nuptials, as Sam, who just walked up, Morris, Frank and Gallant look at him quizzically. Jerry explains that he’s a Universal Life Minister and he can marry them. Sam tells him that she thinks they are looking for something legal. Jerry smiles and assures them that it is completely legal and he’s married lots of people, as Sam gives him a WTF look. Morris scoffs, “what are you, like, Reverend Jerry?” as everyone smiles. Jerry corrects him that “actually, I go by Father Superior”. Hee. I love Jerry. He walks away as they all stare at him.

As they are walking in the hallway, Abby asks Neela if the rumors are true. Neela says yes and asks Abby to be her bridesmaid … maid of honor … whatever. Even though she messed up the asking, Neela’s actually very sincere in her request. Abby, of course, has to screw with her, saying “Well, normally I’d say no because of the taffeta dress and matching peau de soie shoes, but this time it’s because you’ve had a complete brain lapse”. Hee. Abby goes into the drug lock-up and Neela stands in the doorway, insisting that she and Gallant love each other and want to be together. Abby pointedly asks “But today?” Neela responds that they thought it’d be kind of crazy, and believe me, Neela, you’ve never met her family, but Abby knows from crazy. She herself has exhibited delusional behavior, case in point, the not hopping right back into Luka’s bed last episode. Nutter. Neela starts to say that it’s something good they can tell their … but stops, then continues that anyway, his tour of duty is over. Abby asks what if he gets stationed in like, Romania? I don’t know, Abby, I think taking the Dracula Tour would be kind of fun. Neela says Gallant is hoping to finish his training at a stateside army hospital. Abby says that she’s not saying that Gallant’s not a great guy, but she asks Neela “do you know him?” I’m actually with Abby about this, and I think she’s raising valid points, but can understand when Neela gets defensive and retorts “Of course I know him. He’s incredibly kind, generous …” Abby interrupts her saying “My dry cleaning guy is kind and generous”. Jeez, what’s wedged up your ass, Abby? Since we know from Luka’s tossing them to you after your sexcapade that you wear a thong, I guess that probably explains it. She then asks where the prednisone is. Neela tells her left bottom shelf. She then tries to assure Abby that she knows Gallant, but it sounds like she’s trying to convince herself as well. I mean, wasn’t it just like a few episodes ago, during which Gallant was in Iraq, when they did the fishnet photo shoot and Abby asked Neela if she was Gallant’s girlfriend and Neela replied “Yeah, I guess” and now she’s so totally in love with him and they’re getting married? Yeah, even though you lost me temporarily with the snottiness, I’m still with you on the skepticism, Abby. Abby asks if he folds the newspaper inside out when he reads it and then forgets to put it back when he’s done. Neela smirks as Abby continues “does he clip his toenails in bed?” then, “does he drip when the toilet seat’s down?” Yuck. Thanks, Abby. Neela scowls at her and says “Abby!” Oh, but Abby’s not done with her examples. She asks if he likes jam on his grilled cheese sandwiches. Does anyone eat them that way??? Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s a Croatian thing? Neela thinks she can learn all these things during the marriage. Abby agrees but doesn’t think that’s the best … Neela effectively shuts her up saying “I love Michael. And I could use a little support here”. Abby grins at her, then hugs her and tells her she’s very happy for her, she really is, and of course she’ll stand up for her, and wouldn’t miss it. Awww. That was really sweet.

Dubenko comes up to Pratt at Admit asking him if he has a moment and wants Pratt to walk with him. What is it with these people and walking and talking? Can’t anyone have a stationary conversation? Dubenko asks about KJ the Volunteen. He tells Pratt that Volunteen got into the surgical floor storeroom and stole a digital video camera. Pratt doesn’t believe it. Dubenko doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it and as long as Volunteen is willing to admit it and give the camera back, it doesn’t go any further. Pratt wants to know who said it was Volunteen. Dubenko says that the Chief of Security called that one of his guards reported it and that the surveillance camera caught it all on tape. He says he’s sorry, and Pratt replies that he’ll talk to him.

Malik, sporting a huge ‘fro, Neela, and a paramedic are bringing in Jack Gitts, 38, high speed MVC, no medical history. Gallant is following behind. The paramedic is giving Neela the bullet, as Gallant talks over him telling her that they can get the license, but they close for an hour at one. Neela tells him she can’t talk now, which should be obvious, Gallant, aren’t you like, a doctor or something? I get that you’re excited and all, but your makeshift fiancée is on duty and there’s a critical patient in front of her, so she might not be able to concentrate on the talky talky. Finally Gallant is showing a little spark of animation, and instead of being grateful, I’m annoyed. Thanks, Gallant. Gallant tells her he has a lead on three possible places. Paramedic says it’s a probable femur fracture. Gallant continues that the florist in the hospital would love to do a wedding. I’m sure they would, Gallant, seeing as they usually only get to do the ghastly “Get Well Soon” carnations. Neela cuts him off that she has a patient, and really, should she have had to do that? She asks Paramedic for the vitals, as Gallant informs her that Jerry’s going to marry them. Neela, again with the Botox-inducing scowl is all “what???”, as Gallant finally tells her that he’ll come back when she’s not so busy. As they enter Trauma Green, Neela tells Malik to page Dubenko and call for O-neg, then asks “did he say Jerry???” Malik thought she knew.

Abby is presenting cases to Luka as they walk towards Admit, where Chi-Chi is sitting. She tells Luka that Cantaloupe Allergy is waiting for the Benadryl to kick in, and Infected Nose Piercing is going home on Keflex, and that she tried to do it herself with a thumbtack. Ewww and owww. Chi-Chi thinks that’s sexy. Really Chi-Chi? Then you’d absolutely be turned on by the girl I know who tried to do a belly ring with a soldering iron. Chi-Chi asks if she was single, Abby looks up, smirks, and ignores him, continuing to Luka that the platelets are back on her drunk head lac, and that they are a little low at 98 and the INR is 1.4, which Google tells me is International Normalized Ratio, a system established by the World Health Organization and the International Committee on Thrombosis and Hemostasis for reporting the results of blood coagulation tests. Luka thinks that’s borderline. Abby would still like to give platelets and FFP, which is Fresh Frozen Plasma. Luka tells her to go ahead and that even a tiny bleed can become serious if she can’t clot. Chi-Chi agrees that is possibly a good idea but looking at Abby, asks her that she does realize that blood products carry the risk of infection and transfusion reactions, doesn’t she? She looks at him and says “yeah”, but she really means “duh”. Chi-Chi asks if the CT was negative. Abby says there’s no bleed that they could see. Chi-Chi wants to know if she really wants to expose her patient to those kinds of risks just because the platelets are low? Ray comes up as Abby rationalizes that the scan was four hours ago and she might have a delayed bleed. Luka chimes in that he would worry more if she had mental status changes, or a focal neuro exam. Abby gives him a challenging look that says “weren’t you just on my side a minute ago?” Chi-Chi thinks Luka has a point. Abby answers that she’s drunk so it’s kind of hard to assess. Chi-Chi arrogantly tells her that drunk people get sober, and again, Chi-Chi, you don’t know who you are talking to because Abby knows that better than anyone. Luka patronizingly jumps in that careful observation is still better than any lab and Chi-Chi agrees. As the Tag-Team of High-and-Mighty Medical Knowledge walk off, Abby asks Ray what just happened. Ray scoffs that they’ve been pulling it on him all morning and thinks it’s some sort of competitive agreeing contest. Hee.

Outside in the ambulance bay, where there are snow flurries, Volunteen swears that he wouldn’t steal any stupid camera. Pratt bitches that they got him on tape. Volunteen says it couldn’t have been him. Pratt thinks he was up there long enough, but Volunteen says they had to look for the infuser. Pratt thinks Volunteen is giving him crap, so he comes clean that there’s a volunteer girl up there that he thinks is “fine as hell”. I think you need a new expression, Volunteen, ‘cause hell sure ain’t fine. Pratt grumbles that he went out on a limb for Volunteen and that he thought having him there would teach him something and keep his ass out of trouble, and then he goes and does this, as we hear an ambulance honk. Volunteen insists that he didn’t do anything. As Pratt goes over to the incoming ambulance and tells Volunteen that his dad is on his way and tells him to go to the Waiting Room. Volunteen starts to protest, but Pratt’s not having it.

Neela intubated Car Crash Guy and tells Dubenko to bag him. Dubenko asks Chuny if she has a second line, but she says that the vein keeps blowing. Neela orders to run the first unit of O-neg and to hold four more units ready to go. Dubenko asks her where the reception is going to be. Neela ignores this and says Car Crash needs central access, so Chuny helpfully informs him that they haven’t decided yet. Malik votes for Baby Joon’s, but Chuny thinks La Chiquita Roja is more romantic. Dubenko tells Neela to place the subclavian. Chuny asks what the other place was that Gallant mentioned. Malik dismissively says “The Mandarin Club”. Chuny says “no way”, and Malik thinks it’s a bad idea, but Dubenko’s always liked that place. Neela keeps trying to keep the conversation on the patient, but everyone else wants to debate reception places. It’s amusing. Chuny’s pushing for La Chiquita Roja because of the candles and white tablecloths, but Malik thinks Baby Joon’s with the martinis and chili fries is the way to go, and I’d have to agree because I’m always up for a good Apple-tini. Malik gets the x-rays and holds them up for Neela and Dubenko to take a look. Neela says that the C-spine is clear and the mediastinum, the space in the chest between the pleural sacs of the lungs that contains all the viscera of the chest except the lungs and pleurae, looks okay. And thanks, Webster’s. Dubenko wants to know where she’s registered. Um, Lucien, considering she got engaged like on the El this morning and all, I don’t really think she’s had time to go to Marshall Field’s and pick out a china pattern. Neela looks at him like “you can’t be serious”, as Chuny pipes in that she has to register. Neela, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, asks if someone could get the sonosite. Dubenko says that his ex-wife didn’t register and they ended up with a bunch of clocks. Ooh, Dubenko was married? Interesting. And I guess it must not have ended very well or he would have gone to her for the pity sex after his prostate cancer diagnosis instead of asking Abby, and ending up with Kelly, the “satisfaction facilitator”. Chuny’s sister got seven salad bowls. Well, that’s why God invented eBay, Chuny. Neela wants to know if anyone would mind if they focused on the patient. Dubenko smirks and says “okay, then”. Hee. He then asks for the sonosite as Chuny shoots a look at Neela, who’s looking down, and perturbed.

After commercial, Neela is walking behind Car Crash’s gurney as Gallant rushes up and asks if she can get away because they need to go get a license. Neela quietly says that they don’t even know where they are getting married yet, but Gallant says they do, the hospital chapel. Neela asks “when did we decide that?”, and Gallant says she was busy, so he thought that … She asks “and Jerry’s going to marry us?” and Gallant rationalizes that Jerry has some kind of minister’s license. Neela asks if that’s really who they want. She wants to know if Frank is going to be the ring bearer. Hee. Ring Bearers don’t usually shave, Neela. Gallant, with his arms folded across his chest, says that they don’t have a lot of time and he had to make some choices. Ooh, not a good idea to leave the bride out of the planning process, Gallant. Neela pissily asks if he’s going to choose the flowers, too. He tells her no, then says “well you like lilies, right?” Uh, I think that’s a funeral flower, Gallant. I guess you’re kind of limited in choices when you use the florist in a hospital. And the way this wedding seems to be going so far, funeral flowers sound about right. Neela tells him they have to talk. He wants to know about what, and she starts to say that she thinks all this is maybe getting a little … as they are interrupted by Dubenko who tells Gallant that he’s really not supposed to see the bride on the day of the wedding. That’s true, Lucien. Foreshadowing the doom of this marriage perhaps? Gallant dismissively says they have a few details to work out. Dubenko hopes that it’s nothing that can’t wait. Um, Lucien, you do realize they just got engaged this morning and the wedding is tonight, don’t you? I would think they really can’t wait, though I just don’t understand why they couldn’t do it on a day Neela wasn’t scheduled, but then I tend to overthink this show and you are really just supposed to let “art” evolve over you. As they are about to get Car Crash on the elevator, Dubenko tells them that Neela is scrubbing in on this patient. Neela, surprised, says “I am?” and Dubenko tells her that if she can do an open lap on a paramedic in the middle of the street, meaning Uncle Jesse and how is he? We haven’t heard. I guess it depends on whether his show on ABC tanks this Spring or not on whether we hear from Uncle Jesse again. Given that, Dubenko thinks he can trust her within the confines of a sterile operating room. Gallant wants to know if Neela is getting cold feet. She tells him they’ll talk later, which is a sure sign that she’s whipping out the warm fuzzy bunny slippers as soon as possible. The elevator doors close and Gallant looks a bit worried.

Abby is examining a little boy who looks like the Pinocchio puppet from the God-awful Adventures of Pinocchio movie that my twins roped me into letting them watch on cable a couple of months ago. Abby asks Pinocchio’s mom if his immunizations are up to date. Pinocchio’s mom says that she and her pediatrician don’t believe in them. Here we go again. Didn’t they do this story already with the kid who got measles and eventually died in Season 7? But I guess since that was Carter’s and Chen’s patient and they are no longer on the show, it’s free reign on the plot recycling. Abby condescendingly tells her that immunizations are probably one of the most successful public health interventions ever developed. And Pinocchio’s mom must be really tall or else it’s the camera angle because Maura Tierney really looks short in this scene, and they usually do a better job of not overly emphasizing that. Pinocchio’s mom thanks her, but says it’s a personal decision. Okay, she’s a psycho. Pinocchio asks Abby if she knows that the air has 21% oxygen in it, and I hope this kid doesn’t have many more lines because he truly is about as wooden as a puppet. And Gallant. Psycho Mom proudly informs Abby that Pinocchio is studying the atmosphere in school. Abby tells him she thinks that’s very cool, though she really doesn’t. She tells Psycho Mom that he is setting at 94, which is low, but nothing dangerous. She thinks it probably has to do with the fluid she heard in his lungs and she wants to get a chest x-ray. She sweetly tells Pinocchio that it’s nothing scary, it’s just a special kind of photograph and it doesn’t hurt at all. Oh, great. Pinocchio has more lines. He monotonely drones that his Uncle Deaver had one of those and they got to see all his bones. Abby “mmm hmm’s” him as she puts oxygen tubes in his nose. Psycho Mom says that she doesn’t want x-rays, if possible. Abby’s pretty sure Pinocchio, or Stewy, has pneumonia. Stewy …hee. Psycho Mom wants to know if Abby can’t just treat it and they can avoid the radiation. Abby thinks it’s a small amount and it helps them have a look at what they are dealing with. Haleh comes in to tell Abby that Glenda is waking up. Abby thanks her. Psycho Mom asks if she wouldn’t just treat it with antibiotics anyway. Abby doesn’t have an answer because this is true, so she says okay and that Pinocchio needs extra oxygen and he’s going to have to spend the night. Psycho Mom says that’s fine. Abby says they’ll hold off on the film for now, but if he gets any worse, and Psycho Mom fills in that he gets x-rayed, and they nod at each other.

Volunteen’s dad, Darnell, tells Pratt that Volunteen said he didn’t do it. Pratt tells him that he doesn’t like it any better than he does. Darnell thinks Volunteen wouldn’t lie. Pratt tells him to come on and didn’t Volunteen lie about the time he got busted or the weed they found in his pocket. Pratt assures him that Volunteen is a good kid, but thinks right now, his judgment sucks. Darnell wants to talk to Dubenko and the security guard. Pratt thinks Darnell should let it go because they don’t want to press charges, but Darnell says they are accusing his kid and he just wants to talk to them. Pratt sighs.

Haleh tells Abby that the banana bags finished and Glenda took some ice chips. Glenda still seems out of it as they sit her upright. She looks at Abby and asks who she is. Abby replies that she’s Dr. Lockhart and that Glenda is at County General. She wants to see if Glenda can sit up on her own, so she and Haleh let go of her. Glenda falls back against the bed. Abby looks at Haleh and confused says that Glenda should be sobering up by now. Abby picks up Glenda’s hand and asks her to squeeze. Glenda doesn’t react so Abby asks again for her to squeeze her hand, which she does. Abby nods and says “okay”. She then asks Glenda to open her eyes and gently shakes her. Glenda opens her eyes and Abby tells her “good” and asks if Glenda knows who she is. Glenda asks “who are you?” Abby glances over at Haleh.

Weaver and Chi-Chi are at the board. He tells her that he must have cleared 30 patients and no one’s even brawling yet. Weaver says “See. It’s not that hard, is it?” Chi-Chi smiles and says it’s like the man said “Can’t we just all get along? Right?” Weaver asks Sam “weren’t we sending that cracked broviac up to IR?”, which is a temporary line placed in a vein. Thanks again, Google. Sam asks if she doesn’t want to get a CBC first. Weaver nods and says “yes, uh, you’re right”. Luka comes up to Sam and asks her if labs are done on Mrs. Garvey, aka Off Camera Patient (OCP). Sam told him she just checked and it will be another half hour, and he says okay as she walks away. Jerry tells Weaver that the Search Committee Meeting has been moved up to 12:30. Both Chi-Chi and Luka turn around at that bit of news as Abby walks up to Admit, playing with her hands. She says “Dr. Kovac” and he replies “Dr. Lockhart” and they grin at each other as she tells him there is something not right about Glenda. That was cute. Morris overhears, turns around, and says he thinks that sounds like a movie. Like, Something Not Right About Glenda, like a Body Snatchers thing with a shaky camera. Abby dismissively says “Morris” as they both stare at him. Morris turns away and Abby continues to Luka that she wants to re-scan Glenda. Chi-Chi butts in asking why. Abby tells him that she’s altered. Chi-Chi brushes Glenda off as a drunk, so how can you even tell? Luka haughtily addresses Chi-Chi and starts to tell him what to do, as Weaver turns around to listen in on this exchange. Luka spots her and says that they should let Dr. Lockhart present the case. And the way Luka says “Lockhart”, is very endearing – it sounds like “Lawkheart”. Abby tells them that Glenda is disoriented and she’s repeating questions and says sardonically that she just wants to get another CT. Luka wants to know how long Glenda has been there and Abby says about six hours. Sam interrupts telling Luka that his malrotation OCP in Exam 4 is puking blood. Thanks, Sam. Luka tells Abby that he’ll check back as he walks away, as Abby starts to call after him “Yeah, well” and stifles herself. Chi-Chi asks if Glenda is responding to commands. Abby reluctantly says yes, hand squeeze and eye opening. Chi-Chi condescendingly tells her the rule of thumb is that if a patient’s exam is non-focal and they’re responding to commands, just observe and wait. Abby nods as Jerry tells Chi-Chi he has a call from Ortho on Line 2. Abby walks over to Haleh, who has observed this whole exchange and tells her she’s going to re-scan Glenda. She asks Haleh to call CT and let them know they’re on their way and to ask the blood bank to send a unit of FFP and a six pack of platelets. Haleh, grinning, asks Abby if she’s sure about that, and Abby says that yes, she is, and Haleh nods.

Pratt and Gallant are on a street corner. Gallant is sitting on a stack of newspapers, holding a coffee. Pratt chuckles and asks if this is Gallant’s Bachelor Party. Damn, I know Gallant’s a drag and all, but couldn’t they at least go to a bar or something? Gallant says there’s not going to be one of those because he’s seen that movie and he’s really afraid that Adrian Zmed is going to show up. Pratt thinks that Gallant didn’t give him much time to plan it, what with having the wedding today and all. Gallant sighs and says that he doesn’t think there is going to be one of those either. Pratt, jesting, says “What I don’t get to be your Best Man? I mean, you were going to ask me, right?” Pratt dusts the snow flurries off of some newspapers and sits down next to Gallant. Gallant comments that maybe this is just all too fast. He shakes his head and says he thinks she’s scared. Pratt thinks it is kind of a strong move to the hoop, which I really hope is just a basketball reference. Gallant says he was going to ask her before. Before when? I’m so not getting that they are that much in love. Gallant explains to Pratt that over in Iraq guys got married the day the week they shipped out. He knows because he worked on them. Arms missing, legs gone, faces half blown off. He continues that the thing they were in the most pain about was the pain they were going to cause somebody else. Gallant told himself that if he ever made it through this … Ah, so this is a post-near death experience thing? Would explain Neela’s impulsiveness too, what with almost dying trying to save Screeching Serena’s Snot-nosed Son from the fiery building last episode. Pratt says that he did make it and so he asked her now. Gallant hems and haws that he kind of did. Pratt snarks “Kind of???”

Abby and Tech Guy are in the CT room. Some kind of strange music is playing. Abby asks Tech Guy if this is French rap. Thanks, Abby, I was wondering that myself. Tech Guy answers “Supa Crew”, so basically that’s a yes. Abby wants to know if he understands what they’re saying, and he replies that he can’t understand any of them. I’m with you there, Tech Guy. Tech Guy asks Abby if she wants contrast with this and she says no. Shouldn’t he have asked that before they started the scan? I’m pretty sure the last time I had an CT, the contrast part came from an injection I got before being shoved into the tube. Whatever. They are both looking at the screen and Tech Guy goes “Whoa. Ugly.” Abby takes a closer look, then calls through the intercom to Glenda, who doesn’t answer, so she repeats her name. Glenda still doesn’t answer so Abby jumps up and tells Tech Guy to stop the scan, though he protests that they only have a few more passes then they’re done. Abby flings open the door and forcefully tells him to stop the scan and get the Code Team up here, now.

Chi-Chi bursts through doors and starts to hurry down the hall as Luka enters from the other direction. They both rush into the CT room, entering at the same time and pushing past the team working on Glenda, Luka being a bit more polite and saying “excuse me”, while Chi-Chi just says “move”. Nice, Chi-Chi. Abby has just intubated Glenda and tells Tech Guy to hyperventilate her. Luka asks what’s going on and Chi-Chi snots that he can see what’s going on. Shut up, Chi-Chi! You’re being an ass. Abby’s listening to Glenda’s chest and says “equal breath sounds” and tells Luka and Chi-Chi that she’s got this as Tech Guy tells her that the sat’s not picking up. Abby calls for 50 of manitol as Chi-Chi now asks what happened. Again, shut up, Chi-Chi! You just bitched at Luka that he could see what’s going on, and now you basically ask the same thing. Abby sarcastically introduces him to Glenda, her altered drunk head lac and says “While you guys were jerking each other off, she was busy bleeding into her head”. Is that what they’ve been doing??? Since Abby is obviously a loony for not bouncing back into Luka’s bed and therefore heading off the whole “let’s just be friends thing”, Sam already dumped him, Neela’s spoken for, he already did Chuny, Weaver’s gay, and Haleh’s married, I guess Luka isn’t left with too many partner choices. And Chi-Chi was kind of cute when he was Chi-Chi and in drag and all, so I guess Luka could do worse. Remember when they couldn’t say “jerk off” on TV, leaving Abby to call her ex-husband Richard a “jag off” when she threw his golf clubs because he hadn’t paid her med school tuition back in Season 7? Good times. And Abby’s right here. Just because they’ve changed tactics and decided to kill each other with kindness rather than vitriol, doesn’t mean they are not still trying to out Alpha dog each other. Tech Guy says that the BP is 170/110. Luka asks Chi-Chi what he told her to do, and Chi-Chi retorts “The same thing you would’ve – observation” and that Glenda was responding to commands at the time. Luka tells Abby to go ahead and order the platelets, she replies that she already did and bitches “If I had waited for either one of you to sign off on this woman, she’d already be dead”. Luka and Chi-Chi look suitably chastised. Tech Guy tells Abby that Neurosurgery is ready for Glenda. Abby snottily says “Okay, can we all agree she needs to go up to the OR?” and without waiting for a response adds, “Good”, and angrily snaps up the sides of Glenda’s gurney. And because they literally just have been, Luka and Chi-Chi look completely bitch-slapped.

Anesthesiologist says that Car Crash is throwing PVC’s. Neela says that she can’t see well enough to find it. Dubenko tells her to get control blindly, and grabbing her hands, puts them into the incision. What is it with Dubenko and the innards hand-squishing? I so do not ever want him as my surgeon. He asks her what she feels and she answers the liver and that the edge is smooth. Anesthesiologist says that the BP is dropping, 66/35. Dubenko tells Neela to focus and she says there’s a defect, a tear in the SMA. Anesthesiologist bitches that there is over 1900 cc blood loss and that “you’re losing the battle here, guys”. Shut up, Anesthesiologist! Dubenko’s the freaking Head of Surgery for God’s sake, and hand-squishing aside, he does usually seem to know what he’s doing. Except for the indecent proposal to Abby and regaling her with his penile tales of woe, which was just creepy. He tells Neela to apply direct pressure and to control it. He tells her that’s it and to hold steady pressure as we get an unnecessary shot of Car Crash’s insides. Yuck. Dubenko calls for suction. Oh, now we’re using medical equipment, huh, Lucien? I’m surprised you didn’t just get a funnel and siphon it out yourself. We get a lovely audio of the blood sucking, that I hope is not going to be repeated. Dubenko finally calls for an actual surgical instrument, asking for a statinsky and telling Neela to clamp the bleeder. Again with the insides shot. This isn’t the Discovery Health Channel, so I really don’t think I need to see this, ER. As we hear normal beeping sounds Anesthesiologist says “and we have lift off”. Who is this asshole? Bring back Babcock. At least he was good for some snark and didn’t annoy me. As he rips off his gloves, Dubenko compliments Neela, telling her she did a great job. He says that they just have to run the bowel before we close him up. Are they going to do that with their hands, too? Gross. Gallant is in the Surgical Observation room and pushes the intercom, saying Neela’s name. Dubenko welcomes him and tells him that his bride-to-be just saved Car Crash’s life. Neela asks him what he’s doing there. He tells her that he needs to talk to her. For crying out loud, Doctor Gallant, she’s got her hands inside a patient – don’t you think she might be a little preoccupied? Neela tells him that now’s not a good time. No kidding. Gallant starts that he just wanted to tell her that … but she interrupts saying “Michael, please”. Dubenko helpfully says “Tell her what, Dr. Gallant? Go ahead.” Shut up, Lucien! Call me crazy, but don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, she should be concentrating on the patient with his abdomen cut open who almost died on the table like two minutes ago??? God, this is infuriating. Of course, it just has to continue. Gallant says that when he was away thinking about her gave him some other place to be, someplace peaceful as the Gentle Guitar of Genial Good Guys starts playing. Neela’s watching him intently as she’s still hand-squishing Car Crash. Guess Neela’s Super Surgeon now and doesn’t even have to actually look at the patient when operating. Gallant keeps going “where I belong” and that maybe all of this has been too fast and he knows it’s scary and maybe he didn’t ask her the right way, but he just wants them to be together. So he’s asking her now, “will you marry me?” I know I’m supposed to be all “awww”, but I think this scene was seriously lifted from 90210 or something because it is just that nauseatingly soap opera-ish. We see Dubenko grinning behind his surgical mask. Close-up of Neela watching Gallant, but not answering as we go to commercial.

Pickman the Paramedic, Sam, Ray, Morris and Weaver are bringing in Harry Royman, 70, who fell through the ice playing hockey on a pond. Uh oh. I can tell I’m going to have a real problem recapping this scene, because this exact same thing happened to my little brother when we were kids. Ray asks “playing what???” and an older guy walking next to the gurney who I recognize as Howard Burley from the show Coach, says that he knows it sounds stupid. Oh, ya think, Howard? Old guys on ice skates is just a hip fracture waiting to happen. Morons. At least my brothers were like 11 when they were playing. Morris says “not only does it sound stupid …” as Weaver cuts him off that maybe he’d like to let them hear the rest of the case. As they walk past Luka, Weaver tells him that she needs to talk to him. Is this about him and Chi-Chi “jerking each other off”, because you would think after the supply closet incident with the patient’s mom back in Season 10, Luka would know better than to do something like that in the hospital. Pickman says that Harry is altered and hypothermic and that the temp’s too low to register. Sam comments that he’s not even shivering. Harry is a lovely shade of blue, though not “Luka Blue” lovely. Ray spots Gallant and asks when the ceremony is, but Gallant’s not sure yet. Ray wants him to let them know.

Gallant asks Frank where Jerry is, and Frank replies that he left early to get into his “ministerial mode”. Frank bitches that this thing better be happening because there’s a temp coming in to cover the desk. Neela walks up and tells him not to worry, because it is. She hands Gallant his coat and says that she’s off and she’s cleared it with Weaver. Gallant says that they need to go get a license and she adds “and rings”. They walk out smiling as Gallant yells to Frank that they’ll call him with the details and ask if he’s coming. Frank says he is and he went home at lunch and got his best suit. Why am I convinced this will be some kind of polyester monstrosity? Neela shouts for him to wish them luck, and Frank quietly remarks “gonna need more than that” and I’ve never agreed with him more. He then under his breath adds “but what do I know?” Actually, Frank, I kind of think you are a pretty astute guy and smartass comments aside, you’ve made quite a few statements over the years that have rung true.

In Trauma Green, Weaver calls for a repeat rectal temp, portable chest, EKG, CBC, chemistry and coags on Harry. Ray hears crackles and thinks Harry might have aspirated some water. Sam says the sats are only 88 and Weaver thinks he needs an airway. Morris says he’ll get it, but Weaver stops him and gives it to Ray, which causes everyone to look up at her. Morris rolls his eyes disgustedly and hands it over to Ray. Howard hopes that it’s okay that he made the paramedics bring him with them. Sam tells him it’s fine. Howard explains that there’s a pond where they grew up and a few of them took up their old skates and knocked the puck around, for old times. Weaver asks Sam to bolus a liter of saline and call Respiratory for a vent. Sam says that the rectal temp is 86 as Ray asks for suction. Morris comments “Osborne waves” and for a second I’m psyched thinking that Sharon and Ozzy are going to show up, but Morris continues that Harry is at risk for an arrhythmia. Weaver tells them to prep for bilateral chest tubes for pleural irrigation. Morris looks at her doubtfully, and says “Um, with all due respect, Dr. Weaver, peritoneal dialysis is better”. Weaver shoots him a look and Morris continues that there’s a greater capacity for heat exchange and it warms the solid organs faster as Sam watches both of them. Weaver, not looking at him, simply says “that’s an interesting approach”. Morris tells her it’s what the Navy SEALS do. Weaver tells him to proceed. Morris gets psyched because she deferred to him and calls for betadine and a DPL tray.

Pratt, Dubenko, and Darnell are confronting Security Guard. Pratt bitches “so you never actually saw him”. Security Guard insolently says that he told him that he sees Volunteen all the time, and that he’s always up there “sniffing around”. Darnell rightfully takes offense at this and says Volunteen is not a dog. Security Guard explains that Volunteen likes one of the volunteers. Pratt asks how many people have keys to the storeroom, and Security Guard snidely replies that information isn’t for general release. Pratt thinks they should see the tape then. Security Guard runs his hand behind his neck uncomfortably and says that he has to get the Chief’s approval. Does he mean Morris, Chief Pain-in-the-Ass? Darnell thinks they should call the Chief, but Dubenko informs them that he’ll be back in an hour. Pratt recaps, “So we’ve got no chief, no tape, and he didn’t even see KJ?” Security Guard bitches that he doesn’t check every room every minute of the day. Darnell thinks that maybe he should. Pratt tries to get him to calm down as Darnell yells that maybe then Security Guard would have seen that it wasn’t his son. Dubenko takes control of the situation and says they’ll talk to the chief and they’ll get the tape. Security Guard complains that it takes time to rewind, and run the tape forward because it holds 24 hours and it’s not like you just punch it in. What’s with the obvious stalling, Security Guard? I’m thinking you jonesed the camera yourself. Darnell tells him that he has time and asks if he’s going somewhere, as Pratt adds “we’ll be here”.

Sam states that Harry’s core temp is 88.3, and Ray says that’s up a couple of degrees. Weaver tells Sam to hang another liter of warm saline. Morris wants them to tip Harry on his right side and that he has the head. Howard wants to help, but Sam thanks him and says that they’ve got it. They roll Harry on his side as Ray explains to Howard that this drains the fluid through the abdomen. Howard wants to know how long that takes and Morris answers “30 to 60 minutes”. They have to stand there holding him like that for that long? That sucks. Morris incredibly continues that “human meat takes time to thaw”. Shut up, Morris! I would so hate to be a loved one of a person that you were treating. Actually, maybe I would because then I would have the perfect excuse for beating the crap out of you. Insensitive asshole. Everyone looks at him like they can’t believe he just said that and Weaver admonishes him by just quietly saying “Dr. Morris”. And Morris just shrugs at her slightly with a “what?” expression on his face. Jackass. Sam asks Howard if she can get him a seat. Howard reminisces that Harry lived across the street from him and that there must have been 15 kids up and down their block, and that they played hockey all winter. Howard, getting a little choked up, goes on that he fell in the ice once and that Harry pulled him out. Everyone looks at him compassionately as he continues that today Harry fell in and that he tried to help him but he couldn’t, and that he guesses he just a little out of practice. How the hell do you practice for something like that? Um, if everyone is in the habit of falling through the ice at that pond, wouldn’t it make sense that maybe you shouldn’t skate there? Idiot. Sam’s sure he did all that he could. He nods sadly that he hopes so. Harry’s in v-tach. He has no pulse and Weaver calls for the crash cart. Howard wants to know what’s happening as Ray start compressions.

Abby’s with Pinocchio and Psycho Mom. Pinocchio dully asks if he gets his own room upstairs or will he have to share. Abby’s not sure. Pinocchio’s sister is there and she’s carrying a basketball because she watches reruns of this show on cable and mistakenly thought that George Clooney was still around and that she could get in a little one-on-one action. And for those of you whose minds tend to go the way mine does, I have to clarify that this kid is like 12, so I am clearly talking about shooting hoops and not the other kind of action that I would make use of Clooney for. Sister bitches for Pinocchio to stop complaining because he already got to skip school. Psycho Mom censures her saying pointedly “Patricia”. Sister doesn’t see why she couldn’t stay in the gym because she’s missing practice. And even though she’s carrying a basketball, she’s dressed a little too nicely to actually be playing, so this is all a little weird. Psycho Mom again dismisses her. She asks Abby how much longer it will be. Abby says she can page the pediatrician on call. She asks Pinocchio if he’s still doing okay. Even his nodding is wooden.

Ray is shocking Harry, but he’s still in v-fib. Weaver tells them to charge to 360. Ray shocks him again as Morris says that he’s not going to respond until they warm him up. Weaver says to resume compressions and asks Sam for 100 milligrams of lidocaine IV. Morris again corrects her and thinks they should use bretylium instead. Weaver wants to know what he’s talking about because they took that out of the ACLS guidelines years ago. Morris says yes, but there was a big study in the 80’s. Weaver scoffs about that being his reference, something from the 80’s? Hey, Weaver, don’t knock it because I love the 80’s. Big hair, big shoulders, big jewelry, bad music, bad make-up, bad sitcoms – what’s not to love? Morris authoritatively says that it is because it clearly showed bretylium to be the anti-arrhythmic of choice in hypothermia. Weaver stares at him. Sam says that the core temp is up to 89.1. Weaver considers for a moment, then orders 350 milligrams of bretylium IV. Morris nods, pleased. Weaver glances around, then looks down, chastened.

Luka and Chi-Chi are walking down the hall. Luka is High Horsing “given his recent immigration from Vietnam, you’ve got to consider empiric triple therapy” and Chi-Chi interjects “right, right but if you have Hepatitis C …” as they walk right past Abby, too far gone in their superiority contest to notice her. She follows them, rolling her eyes and trying to get their attention by saying “excuse me”, but they’re too busy talking over each other to hear her. She yells “hey, hey!” and they stop and turn to look at her. Scowling, mostly at Luka probably because he backed her up then retracted his support, she snottily presents Pinocchio’s case saying that he’s five years old presenting with fever and a cough, non-toxic appearing with bilateral crackles on exam, sats 92 on room air, 100 on five liters. She goes on that Psycho Mom is freaked out about radiation and refused a chest x-ray, so she’s treating presumptive pneumonia with amp and azithro. She tells them the CBC’s pending, got 20 per kilo of NS and is being admitted to Pedes since although stable she can’t send him home with an O2 requirement. She condescendingly says “That’s the plan. Do you concur?” Chi-Chi starts to argue that he doesn’t know about azithro, and has she tried … as Abby nastily shuts him down, holding up her hand and saying heatedly and deliberately “Do you concur?” Damn, that was bitchy. I understand that their behavior is frustrating, Abby, but they are technically your bosses so I’d kind of watch it with the attitude. Although since it’s you and you seem to be the only one who can get away with this stuff, I’m sure they’ll just take it and walk away with their tails between their legs. Luka nods and Chi-Chi says backing off “uh, yeah”. Abby thanks them and flounces off. As they watch her walk away, Chi-Chi’s expression is disbelieving about what just happened while Luka is sort of grinning and looking almost admiringly of the way she handled that.

Volunteen is sitting on the stairs as Dubenko, Pratt and Darnell are talking a little way away. Dubenko is telling them that the Chief of Security met with Security Guard and that he kept stalling and then finally came clean that there was a theft, but there were no videotapes and no suspects. Darnell and Pratt both shake their heads. Dubenko says that Volunteen did nothing wrong. Darnell bitches that a camera goes missing and “this fat ass” figures it must have been the black kid. Um, Security Guard didn’t seem particularly portly to me, Darnell, though I totally agree on the “ass” part. Dubenko concurs that there was absolutely no excuse for it and it was an unconscionable thing to do. Pratt wants to know where Security Guard is going to be working tomorrow and Dubenko decidedly states “not here”. Dubenko tells Darnell that he’s heard that Volunteen has been doing a great job around there and that he did not deserve this. Dubenko says he’s sorry and apologizes on behalf of the entire hospital. Darnell thinks he should tell that to Volunteen and Dubenko agrees and walks over towards him.

Pratt and Darnell are getting coffee from the lunch truck in the ambulance bay. Pratt asks Volunteen if he wants anything, but he doesn’t answer. Pratt guesses that it “always comes down to the black check, doesn’t it?” He believes that no matter how good you are at your job, where you live, how much money you make … Darnell continues that in the end, the cops pull you over for driving through a white neighborhood. Again with the plot recycling because didn’t they already do the false accusation thing with the racial profiling of Pratt and Gallant in Season 9? Volunteen is done with this place and he’s not doing it anymore. Darnell tells him “the hell you ain’t” and that he’s going to go in there every day until he’s finished his community service. Pratt’s going to make sure that Volunteen works harder than any other volunteer there, and no more going out for doughnuts and “chasing skirts”. Volunteen wants to know why because they’re always going to be on his back no matter how well he does. Darnell tells him that it’s going to be like that forever and he needs to get used to it. That really sucks. Darnell says that he can’t think about it and you just have to live your life and do your best. Pratt advises him to stay in the game, “otherwise, they win”. Pratt tells him that he’s sorry about all this.

Abby walks up to Admit asking where everybody is. A perky young girl introduces herself as Maureen and asks if she can help her. Abby, smiling and shaking her head, says “who are you?” Hee. Funny delivery. Maureen explains that she’s “The Temp”, and I don’t think so, Maureen, because I’m pretty certain that’s Lara Flynn Boyle, and Maura Tierney was in that movie so I think she would know. Abby asks if she’s out of high school. Hee. Maureen Valley Girl’s that she’s 21, but she has her mother’s cheekbones and her father’s chin and she’s heard that everyone always says that combination makes you look younger. Why do they always depict anyone under 25 as a blathering idiot on this show? Although considering some of the kids I know, this may not be too far off the mark. Abby just sort humors her, smiling and nodding, as Luka walks up and comments that she’s still there. Again with the stating of the obvious, Luka. Abby says that she’s looking for Ray because she has a couple of patients she needs to sign out unless she wants to wear what she has on to the wedding. Yeah, you really do need to go change, Abby, cause that outfit would be tacky for the Maid of Honor to wear. And why would she be signing out to Ray? Aren’t they both R2’s? And isn’t Ray going to the wedding, too? Brain … hurting. Luka says that he can take them as Chi-Chi comes up saying that he can if she’d rather. Abby tells him that Luka beat him to it, and kind of goes to bat his hand away from her charts. And considering Chi-Chi and Luka seemed to have an argument about Abby two shows ago, I’d say Luka beat him to it in more ways than one. Luka tells Abby he’ll walk her outside, and they leave. Chi-Chi leans on the desk, chewing his gum like a cow. Nice. And again, very professional. Looking appraisingly at Maureen, he says “And you would be?” and she again introduces herself as “Maureen, The Temp”. I thought I already corrected you about that, Maureen. You need to pay attention if you are going to be working Admit. Chi-Chi suggestively says “Well, hello, Maureen, The Temp”. He starts to ask her something, but she cuts him off, knowing what he’s going to say and supplies the same nonsense about her bone structure that she uninterestingly informed Abby about like a minute ago. Chi-Chi, looking her up and down, smiles and comments “Is that what they say?” Keep it in your pants, Chi-Chi.

Abby is presenting her cases to Luka in the ambulance bay. He’s hunching his shoulders and rocking back and forth like he’s cold, and the snow flurries are going again, but Abby doesn’t seem to be affected. Like in “Two Ships” when they were talking and he was bundled up in an overcoat and scarf and she just had on a lab coat over a low cut top. Either this is poor direction or it’s actual continuity from back to their first date when he took her hand and said it was freezing and asked if she wanted to take a cab, but she said it was strolling weather in Minnesota, where she’s from, so I guess she’s used to the cold. She hands him a chart for a TEF with aspiration that is going up for a bronch. The next one is for a jellyfish sting. Luka asks “Jellyfish?” and Abby clarifies that it was a pet. Is she treating Dorie from Finding Nemo? ”I will name him Squishy and he will be mine, and he will be my Squishy.” Luka grins and Abby continues “Obs for 30 minutes and then home.” Then she comes to Pinocchio, her “little guy with pneumonia”. She tells Luka that he’s hanging out on O2 and that Pedes has seen him and they are just waiting on a bed. Luka compliments her “Well presented plan, by the way”, and she smiles at him knowingly and snarks “Yes, I had to do something”. He shuffles against the cold and grins, saying “Well, like you said, I’m not very good at being agreeable”. Abby grins back and reminds him that she didn’t say that and raises her eyebrows at him. He thinks she implied it. She replies “I said it was a lot to ask and it turns out that I was right, not that I’m happy about it”. He tosses his head and says “No, of course not”, then looks down, grinning. She looks at him for a second then throws up her hands as she remembers why she’s outside to begin with and complains “I’m going to be really late” and starts walking off as he watches her, still grinning. She turns back and asks him, kind of hopefully, if he’s coming to the wedding and tells him that it’s in the hospital chapel, as she starts bouncing up and down, finally looking like she’s cold. He shrugs and says he doesn’t know because he has lots of things to finish up. She looks at him a little surprised until he says “See you at the reception, yeah?” to which she answers “Right”, and heads off towards the El as he watches her intently.

Weaver is saying to charge to 360. Morris yells “clear!” and shocks Harry. Sam shakes her head and Weaver says “again, 360”. Morris shocks him again and Sam, amazed, says “sinus rhythm”. Morris says that they’ve got a pulse. Then he has to go and ruin his triumph by boasting “Ice hockey dude is warm and alive”. Ray welcomes Harry back. Sam says that the temp is 90 and wants to know if Morris wants warm saline. Weaver looks up as Morris says no, he wants to keep the temperature at 90 because auto-induced hypothermia will protect the brain. Morris pumps his fists and says “All right! Everybody, way to go”. Howard wants to know if Harry’s going to be okay. Morris explains that he’s going to spend the night in ICU for observation and Ray chimes in that he’s stable and he has a good chance for recovery. Howard is happy and profusely thanks everyone. Morris tells him he is absolutely welcome and shakes his hand. Weaver orders to take out the DPL catheters and get Harry a unit bed and walks out. Morris is disappointed because he was expecting a pat on the back, so Ray narrows his eyes and nodding at him tells him it was a good job. Morris nods “yeah”.

Weaver is walking out in the hallway and stops, leaning against some shelving. She looks distressed and conflicted because she’s realizes that her medical skills have suffered from lack of use and she is questioning her competence.

Luka runs through the hall and bursts into Trauma Yellow, where Chi-Chi is intubating Pinocchio. Luka asks what’s going on and is this Abby’s pneumonia patient? Chi-Chi asks if she’s gone. Luka says “Let’s worry about the airway. Respiratory distress, not moving air”, and asks for a blood gas to be sent. Psycho Mom asks what’s going on. Luka says that the pulse is 47 and tells Chi-Chi to pull out, but Chi-Chi says, no, he’s got it and that’s he’s in. Psycho Mom is telling Pinocchio that she’s there. Sam starts bagging Pinocchio and Luka notes that he has good color change and tells Psycho Mom that his oxygen level was dangerously low and they had to take over his breathing. Guess you should have let Abby do the x-ray earlier, huh, Psycho Mom? Sam hangs the x-ray that they were finally allowed to do. Chi-Chi says it doesn’t look good and no wonder he’s hypoxic and calls Luka over. Sam tells them that it took her a while to get the mom to agree because she didn’t want the radiation. Does Sam really have better negotiating skills than Abby? Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen evidence of them. Browbeating and bitching abilities she has in abundance, but not so sure about the bargaining. Chi-Chi points out that it may not be Pinocchio’s biggest problem, but he has interstitial infiltrates as the Dirge of Doomed Destiny plays in the background. Luka thinks maybe staph aureus and could be MRSA and they should add Vanco. Since I can’t keep up with all the jargon, I’m guessing Pinocchio doesn’t have a simple case of pneumonia. Sam hands Luka a lab report and tells him to check out the white count, which is at 0.4. Chi-Chi shakes his head that the white count should be through the roof unless he hasn’t got any white cells left. Luka says this is PCP pneumonia. Psycho Mom is letting Pinocchio do hallucinogenics??? Then I have aptly named her. Luka asks Sam if there is any reason for this kid to be immunosuppressed. Uh oh. Not looking good for Pinocchio. Guess he’s not going to get the chance to become a real boy after all. Sam says there’s nothing in the history. Chi-Chi wants to know who is going to ask Psycho Mom. They look at each other, then over at Psycho Mom.

Psycho Mom is sitting next to Pinocchio’s gurney, stroking his hair. Luka is leaning on the rails on the other side addressing her, so I’m guessing he lost the coin toss. He explains that the type of lung infection Pinocchio has, then hesitates because he’s not sure how to say this. Sam stands next to him as he continues that they’ve run a number of tests, and Psycho Mom bitches that she didn’t tell them they could do that. Shut up, Psycho Mom! You brought the kid to the hospital so they could help him and you’re going to gripe at them for doing just that? Not only are you crazy, you’re an imbecile as well. Sam informs her that he was about to stop breathing and they needed to know why. Luka describes that the tests showed that her son has pneumocystis pneumonia, which is a type of infection they only see when the immune system is not working and tells her that they’d like to test Pinocchio for HIV. Chi-Chi contributes that if he does have the virus, they can recommend medications that … as Psycho Mom breaks in “Here we go with the viral theory of AIDS”. She patronizingly puts forth that it was invented so biotech companies can charge people fifty bucks a pop for some bogus tests when they are actually dying from real problems. Okay, you are not only REALLY psycho, you are dangerously delusional as well. Yikes. Chi-Chi, warily interjects “Excuse me?” as Sam shakes her head quizzically and asks “Real problems?” Psycho Mom is talking about pollution, drug addiction, toxins, but doesn’t think anyone wants to deal with those because it’s better to call it a virus and sell a vaccine as an easy fix. Sam and Chi-Chi can’t believe what they are hearing any more than I can, and Luka looks away because he realizes this is going to be much worse than they thought. And he’s right, because incredibly she persists that she’s talked to fifty doctors since she’s been diagnosed and it’s always the same thing that “HIV causes AIDS”. Chi-Chi stops her asking “You’re infected???” She grouses that she’s not infected with anything, she carries the HIV virus as do millions of other healthy people. Thought you just said it wasn’t a virus, Psycho? Halfwit. Luka challenges her “You don’t believe HIV causes AIDS?” No, she doesn’t. Chi-Chi’s heard enough and tells her that she’s nuts, and I am so with you on that one, Chi-Chi. She scornfully retorts that she was diagnosed 14 years ago and hasn’t been sick a day in her life. Sister is holding her basketball and watching worriedly because she’s starting to put the pieces together and she understands that her mother has gone off the deep end. Too bad Abby’s not your brother’s doctor anymore, Sister, because she could definitely commiserate with you about the crazy mother thing. Sam clarifies that Psycho Mom didn’t take AZT while she was pregnant and Psycho wants to know why she would do that. Chi-Chi sneers “Oh, I don’t know, maybe to prevent your child from getting AIDS? Which is by the way what little Stewy might have.” Luka warns him “Dr. Clemente”. Psycho Mom wants to know if Chi-Chi’s sure AZT doesn’t cause AIDS because everyone knows that it suppresses the immune system. Over Chi-Chi’s shoulder Sister is crying because she realizes what this all means and that she’s in deep shit, too. Chi-Chi goes off on Psycho that she’s really out there and that he’s a conspiracy freak too, and that the drug companies are trying to screw us, as Luka puts his head in his hand and says “Doctor”, but Chi-Chi is on a roll. “But when we tell you that your child has a life-threatening disease and you jeopardize his life to prove a one of your crackpot theories, you’re just as bad as they are, okay?” No, Chi-Chi, I think she is a whole lot worse and you need to call Social Services because this bitch is a serious danger to her children. Chi-Chi asks if Pinocchio dies is that going to make her happy. Fed up, Luka dismissively tells Chi-Chi that he’ll take care of this. Chi-Chi keeps going that she knew she was infected and she did nothing to protect her child and it’s the most moronic, selfish … and he angrily kicks the door open to leave the room. Luka is trying to be civil and double-checks that she’s never even had Pinocchio tested, which she hasn’t. Sam asks about Sister, who is barely holding it together and just stares disbelievingly at her mom. Luka and Sam shake their heads.

Abby exits the elevator and runs down the hallway. She’s got her hair up and is wearing a black suit. She looks nice, but, come on, Abby! I’m not usually one for skirts and stuff either, but you could at least put on a dress for your best friend’s wedding. She opens up the chapel door as organ music plays and old couples dressed in dark clothes and crying start walking past her through the door. Maybe these people are weeping because they realize that Neela is making a mistake, too. Abby looks confused as an elderly guy in a fedora pats her on the arm and gives her slight smile, which she quizzically returns. Hee. Abby closes the door and starts looking around as Haleh bursts out, carrying a few arrangements of flowers. Haleh says “There you are! They’re waiting for you.” Abby asks her what’s going on and she replies that there was a scheduling conflict. Abby thinks she could have put a note on the door, but Haleh thinks Abby could have been on time. Hee. Haleh tells Abby to take one of the arrangements and Abby incredulously questions “We’re stealing their flowers?!” Hee. Haleh tells her to just take one. Abby asks where they are going and Haleh tells her to come on. This scene was really funny.

Luka walks out of Trauma Yellow and up to Sam, sighing. Sam tells him that Child Life took Sister up to play some video games. Luka says that he asked about the father, but he’s not in the picture. Well, duh, with a Psycho like that, who can blame him? She probably infected him, too. He disdainfully says that Psycho Mom will let them treat the pneumonia, but won’t consent to an HIV test and doesn’t even want to discuss medication. Sam shakes her head. Luka starts to explain that if they don’t get Pinocchio on the cocktail … he wonders how people get like this. Sam glances at him, then enters the Trauma room. She pulls up a stool next to Psycho Mom and tells her that when Alex was five the doctor thought he might have meningitis and wanted to do a spinal tap on him and that she’s a nurse and she didn’t want them to do it. She was worried and scared, and she didn’t want anything hurting her kid, and I know how you felt, Sam, because I went through the same thing with one of my twins when she was a week old. Psycho Mom doesn’t want anything hurting Pinocchio either. Sam tells her that Pinocchio is already hurting and that everyone is entitled to their beliefs but the truth here in this room, right now is if she lets this go on like this there’s not going to be a doctor that can help him and he only has her. Psycho Mom is absorbing all this. I’m actually starting to believe in Sam’s powers of persuasion. And I’m liking her so much better this season since they dropped the bitchfest that her relationship with Luka was, and have kept Alex off screen for the most part, and let her concentrate on her career. I would like to see her get an actual storyline though because I loved Linda Cardellini on Freaks and Geeks and think she hasn’t had much of a chance to show what she can really do since she’s been on this show.

Abby and Haleh are going through a doorway and Abby asks why they have to go through the kitchen. And in addition to the flowers, she is carrying a take-out coffee cup. Nice. Already late for the wedding, but you just have to feed the caffeine habit, huh, Abby? Although considering my own previously mentioned addiction to Starbucks, I’m really not in a position to judge. Haleh tells her that Gallant and Neela are waiting by the front door. Abby bitches that it’s not a surprise party and Haleh scowls at her and says “Oh, Abby!” as Abby stops and disgustedly says “Oh, man!” and snarks “If this isn’t every bride’s dream come true” as she points to a truly awful sheet cake that says in blue printed lettering “Good Luck Michael & Neela”. Hee. That rivals the ones on this website.

Jerry, wearing what looks like a green tablecloth over his shoulders, taps on a microphone. Camera pans around the “congregation” sitting in restaurant chairs and we see Ray, Morris, Malik, Chuny, Weaver and Frank along with some no name extras … I mean “friends” … of the bride and groom. Weaver tells Frank that he’s wearing a nice tie, and apparently Weaver is color-blind because it is garish and hideous. And Frank is wearing a plaid shirt in what looks like “Luka Blue” and I’ll really have to hurt you if ruin that color for me, Frank. Frank thanks her and tells her she’s wearing a lovely outfit as well, and she does look nice. She’s wearing a dark suit with a pink shirt. Morris is dressed appropriately in a suit and tie, and Ray at least has on a blazer, but no tie and an open collared shirt. Frank qualifies that Weaver’s outfit looks better without the lab coat. Ray asks Morris what they are waiting for, but he has no idea. Well, Ray, Abby just had to have her latte, so just chill. Haleh rushes by, followed by Abby. Morris asks her where she’s been and she hands him the flowers, telling him to take that, then hands over the coffee cup, too. After all that, you’re not even going to finish it? What a waste. Then she throws her coat at him, and it hits him in the face. Hee. She runs up to join Pratt and Jerry on the stage. And from the neon sign behind them, we can see that they decided on Baby Joon’s. Going for the ‘tini’s – good choice. Not so sure about the chili, though. Abby asks Pratt what happened with the chapel and he says “scheduling conflict”. She knows that, but … as Jerry shushes them and they turn around to face the back and smile as we see Gallant and Neela. Gallant is in full dress uniform. Yum. Neela is in a white sari. Uh, sorry, Neela, but I’ve been to an Indian wedding and I’m pretty sure the traditional dress is red. And I’m a little disappointed that her family is not there, because I have to say that wedding wins the prize for the most fun one I’ve ever been to, and best food. Not strangest though, because that award goes to the Wiccan wedding I attended once. Don’t even ask. Being the only non-Indian in attendance was great because all the mothers, grandmothers and aunts hovered over me as I ate, afraid that the food was too spicy for me, which it wasn’t. And it was definitely traditional, because it was even an arranged marriage – I kid you not. Gallant and Neela are standing at the end of the rinkydink aisle which is framed with purple, green and yellow balloons. Nice. Looks like a kid’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Everyone stands and make exclamations, because Neela really is a beautiful bride. She’s even wearing a small bindi on her forehead. And to enhance the cheese factor, the guests start humming “Here Comes the Bride” as Gallant and Neela walk up the aisle.

Luka is carrying his jacket, so he must be off shift. He asks Sam if Psycho Mom still won’t change her mind about Sister. Sam shakes her head and says that Psycho says Sister is a healthy young girl and she doesn’t need any testing. Luka shakes his head. Sam tells him they’ll have to get a court order. Luka comments that at least she’s going to let them help Pinocchio and one out of two isn’t bad. Sam says she going to go up with them to the PICU and she pats Luka’s arm as she walks by. He thanks her and walks over to Chi-Chi. Except for that quick touch, they haven’t interacted much at all since their break-up and it’s hard to tell that they were ever going out at all. They both really seem to have moved on. Chi-Chi sees Luka and says “Oh, hey, so the wacko finally gave in, huh?” Luka snidely replies “No thanks to you”. Chi-Chi apologizes and explains that he just had to yell at her. Luka hopes there won’t be any hard feelings because Weaver just informed him that he’s going to be the new ER Chief. Really? Good for you, Luka. Chi-Chi tells him “that’s awesome” and says that when he withdrew his name he was hoping they’d pick Luka. I can’t tell whether Chi-Chi is sincere or whether he’s yanking Luka’s chain in another oneupsmanship type thing, but he definitely succeeded in taking the wind out of Luka’s sails as Luka stares at him and asks “You withdrew your name?” Chi-Chi says that he had a lot of stuff going on and it’s a long story. I really don’t think after your outburst at Psycho Mom and the whole Darwin debacle that you are Chief material anyway, Chi-Chi. Not that I think Luka has been either, but I think he could grow into the job. Chi-Chi tells him he’s the best guy for the job and congratulates him. I hope Chi-Chi means it and the competition stops, though now that Luka is Chief he doesn’t really have to play nice anymore and can let his High Horse out at full gallop. Luka thanks him and asks if he’s going to the wedding reception. Chi-Chi conspiratorially says that he would love to but he thinks Maureen is in way over her head and “doesn’t know where the forks and knives goes” and he’s going to supervise her a little bit if Luka knows what he means, and by the smile on Luka’s face as he walks away, I think he does indeed know.

Neela is sitting in Gallant’s lap and they are clapping and chanting along with all the rest of the guests “Go! Go! Go!” as we see Morris doing the limbo and hear “Copacabana” playing. I guess Neela wasn’t kidding about Gallant’s fascination with Barry Manilow. Morris predictably falls on his ass as the camera pulls back and we see Luka and Abby sitting at the bar. Luka is drinking a beer and I’m at first a little shocked because it looks like Abby is drinking, but I realize she must be doing what I do when I’m not having alcohol but don’t want to have to answer any questions about it and order a club soda with lime. Abby asks him if they have to call him “Chief” now and he responds “very funny”. She asks kiddingly that if he’s being interviewed will they say “We’re here at County, talking to Chief Kovac”, but Luka doesn’t think they do it that way. Abby thinks it’s cute if it’s a guy. He asks “And if the chief is a woman?” Abby deadpans that she doesn’t think women should be put in positions of leadership and asks him if he does. Luka knows exactly what she’s doing and doesn’t rise to the bait, but just grins at her and pushes the bowl towards her asking “Peanut?” Hee. Abby looks over and sees Neela, still sitting in Gallant’s lap, feeding him some cake as they both laugh. Abby remarks “Ah, young love. They just have to show it off to everybody” and turns back towards the bar. Luka sighs and toasts to discretion. Abby adds “propriety” and Luka counters “maturity”. They look at each other, grin, shake their heads and Abby says “well” and Luka says “no, no, not that”. Hee. This exchange was very cute.

Manilow warbles “Can’t Smile Without You” and Neela and Gallant get up from their booth, ostensibly to go and dance, and I really think they could have chosen a better song. Morris, drinking a beer, watches, points and says that will be him someday. Morris is a little drunk. Sitting at the booth with him and drinking red wine is Weaver, obviously plastered. Hee. She’s looking off and says regretfully that she should have said something earlier. Morris says “excuse me?” Weaver purposely, and drunkenly, knocking on the table states that she should have said something earlier. She wants him to know that she has a lot of respect for how he handled that trauma today. Morris leans his head against his fist. Weaver means it and continues that there was some truth in what he said about her being up in Administration. She contritely says that she’s a little out of practice. She wants him to know that she’s going to start spending more time down in the ER. Yay! I love Weaver so this is really good news. She looks over at Morris, realizes he’s nodded off and barks “Morris!” and startles him awake. Hee. She looks away sadly as the camera pulls in closer on her face and Manilow sings the line “Well, I’m finding it hard leaving your love behind me”, and she’s shaking her head and looks so forlorn that it makes me wonder if she’s thinking about Sandy.

Guests are whooping and cheering and throwing something at Gallant and Neela, who are on the stage. I can’t tell if it’s rice or popcorn. Maybe it’s Luka’s peanuts. Speaking of, where are Luka and Abby? They’re not there among the crowd. They left before the bride and groom? Nice, Abby, considering you’re the Maid of Honor. The way you’ve been acting today, I think you could really benefit from a crash course with Miss Manners. Gallant thanks everybody, and Neela corrects him that he’s done that already. So soon starting with the nagging, Neela? Nice. Gallant says that when they get settled he wants all of them to come out and visit them. Neela contributes that they can all visit her tomorrow morning at work at 7:00 a.m. That sucks. Nice wedding night. Gallant tells them they love them all. Even the extras that I’ve never seen before? I think you’re just caught up in the wedding fever and can’t really mean this. Neela seems a little drunk so I so feel sorry for any patients who are unfortunate enough to get her as their doctor tomorrow. I hope Dubenko doesn’t invite her for more hand-squishing surgery. Where is he, too? Maybe he’s pissed they didn’t choose The Mandarin Club like he wanted, so he’s boycotting the wedding. Neela throws the bouquet and Chuny catches it. She’s standing next to Ray and I really hope they aren’t the next pairing because I basically like Chuny, even with the bogus petition against Luka a few years back, and don’t wish Ray on anyone. Chuny asks Ray where Gallant and Neela are going on their honeymoon and he snarks “my apartment”. Hee. And yuck. Couldn’t they spring for the Four Seasons are something? It’s your wedding night for God’s sake.

Luka’s SUV pulls up in front of Abby’s building. Is this the same car he had? Because I’m pretty sure Sam totaled it when she fell asleep at the wheel and hit that antelope in Iowa in the season opener. “Copacabana” is playing and Luka is singing along. Awww. That would be really cute if it weren’t Manilow. And I’m really disappointed that Luka seems to have this CD available in his car, because I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t just “happen” to be playing on the radio. He’s really kind of into it, too. Abby is grinning watching him. Luka puts the car in park and is bouncing his head around as he sings. He turns the car off but continues singing and drumming on the steering wheel with his fingers. But he doesn’t remember all the words and starts to trail off when he realizes that Abby is tickled by this. He looks at her and she’s looking at him with that affectionately amused expression you get when someone is being adorable. He looks away a little embarrassed, and she giggles and thanks him for the ride. He chuckles, still not looking at her and asks “that bad, huh?” She tells him no, but she would just … keep your day job. He questions her “What? You never sing in the car? You know, when you’re … when you’re alone?” Considering we know that she listens to Cake and The Pixies, and I am so with her on her musical choices, I expect her to say “Not to this crap I don’t”, but she instead replies that she does sometimes, but chuckling, reminds him that he’s not alone in the car. He smiles at her and says “Yeah … I know”. She assures him that she’s kidding as the Keyboard and Percussion Music of Awkward Moments plays. They both look off, clearly wanting to say something to the other, but not knowing what. Abby is making no move to get out of the car, so undoubtedly, she doesn’t want to. And who could blame her? It is Luka after all, looking amazing and being really cute and kind of shy. He looks over at her and then away again. She closes her eyes, like she’s about to say something that she knows she probably shouldn’t but is going to anyway. She turns towards him and starts to ask “Would you like to …” as he lunges towards her and catches her mouth with his. She snakes her arms around his neck and kisses him back. They can’t keep their hands off each other. Abby climbs into his lap and they make out some more as we cut to …

Gallant and Neela running up the steps towards the El. The El??? Can’t even spring for a cab on your wedding night, Gallant? Tightwad. He’s telling her that they can make it while she bitches that he should try to run in a sari. Hee. They rush to get on the El as the camera shot, and the music come to think of it, are totally reminiscent of the sexy train scene with Tom Cruise and Rebecca De-Hornay in Risky Business, also shot on the Chicago El. This has to be deliberate. So I’m expecting some hot Gallant and Neela action. They stand in the doorway and she remarks “What a day”. He kisses her cheek and says “And night.” She smiles and says that they are actually married and they grin at each other, then look away. They sit down, exchange a look and smile as the train pulls away and we see that they are moving backwards. This always gives me motion sickness so I’m a bit annoyed that they just don’t cross the aisle to the seats Tom and Rebecca sat in and face forward. And they’re going to Neela’s and Ray’s apartment. Nice honeymoon. Considering that they are both expressionless, not looking at or touching each other in any way, I’m thinking Christmas with The Planks is just going to be so exciting and I’m really not holding out much hope for the honeymoon and an ardent consummation of this marriage, unlike …

Naked bodies falling on a bed … Abby and Luka … naked … really … naked … oh my … Damn it! When they decided on the “just friends” bit I figured I’d not get to see Bare-naked Luka for a while so I didn’t stock up on the Marlboros. Thanks, Luka and Abby. Abby’s lying on top of Luka and they are kissing, passionately. Her hands never leave his face as he runs his from her back, to her shoulders, and through her hair. It’s really such a shame that these two have absolutely no chemistry whatsoever and watching them together is the equivalent of watching paint dry … if the paint were on fire, that is. Is it getting warm in here? I can’t believe I have to turn the air conditioning on in December. I am so sending these two my electric bill … and the bill for the nicotine patch … and uh oh, my smoke alarm is going off because my TV screen is ablaze, so I guess I’ll need a new one of those as well. If this relationship continues, I’m going to have to keep a running tally for the rest of the season. Abby comes up for air, gasps, and looking down at him, smiles, and whispers “Do you really think we should be doing this?” This question is clearly rhetorical, because Abby’s a little too into this to be kicking him out of her bed and it’s a bit late for second thoughts at this point what with the being naked and all, and she seems to be on her anti-psychotic medication anyway, so I’m not really worried that she’s seriously asking. Luka flips her over on her back so that he’s on top and looking at her, smiling, breathlessly and emphatically replies “I do”. Ah, hence the title of this episode, as we did not actually see Gallant and Neela exchange vows. She chuckles and they fervently kiss again as we fade to black. I must add that I have been watching this show from Day One and I have to say that this was definitely the hottest scene they have ever had. Wow.

Okay, so my Maura Tierney Voodoo Doll is obviously not working. I don’t know, maybe I have to sacrifice a chicken or something. I probably need to consult with a shaman. Lucky for me the Haitian guy I know who runs the local 7-Eleven is like a Santerian High Priest, so it’s all good.

Next week: Christmas Episode. Sally decks Santa and Luka seemingly steals his hat because he shows up at the ER wearing it and carrying a big sack of presents. Chi-Chi is making out with someone who I at first thought was Sam, but then realize isn’t. Weaver and Pratt work on a kid that seems to be a goner but it’s Christmas and miracles happen. Abby quizzically asks Luka “Are we spending Christmas together” and he grins and nods. Then he gives her a gold box as the announcer tells us “A tiny gift … leads to a big moment” as Abby and Luka exchange a look.

And after seeing that promo I just have to confess that all I want for Christmas is Luka … in the Santa hat … and only the Santa hat.


At 3:17 PM, December 04, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another great recap! You really crack me up! Christmas With The Planks. Hee.

At 6:28 PM, December 04, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Voodoo dolls, nicotine patches and electric bills? It's going to be an expensive season for you. Great recap as usual.

At 6:31 PM, December 04, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just came across your recaps. Excellent! Very entertaining indeed.

At 6:47 PM, December 04, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great recap. hilarious as always. I loved this "Considering we know that she listens to Cake and The Pixies, and I am so with her on her musical choices, I expect her to say “Not to this crap I don’t”". Cate.

At 10:03 PM, December 04, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A bindi? Is that what it's called? Learn something new every day.

At 12:04 AM, December 05, 2005, Blogger Eli said...

Your recaps are great, i can´t stop laughting.
Be sure to have your marlboros near for the next ep and the hole season.


At 12:34 AM, December 05, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your recaps. I am in awe of your talent. You fill in so many holes for me and help me to understand things better. You truly make me laugh out loud...repeatedly. I share your love (lust!) for the "Croatian sensation", and I agree that Maura is one lucky gal. I'm just so glad to see Luka/Abby together again. That smokin' hot chemistry between Goran and Maura should NOT go to waste. And I agree that the Luka/Abby sex scene was the HOTTEST I remember ever seeing on ER.

At 1:50 AM, December 05, 2005, Anonymous Kelli said...

I loved the comment about Abby having something wedged up her ass, and that you knew that she wears a thong, and that had to be her problem. ha ha! I choked on my water because I started laughing so hard! Thanks! I needed that!

At 11:16 AM, December 05, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually thought the Neela and her new hubby sitting somewhat awkwardly in the subway train was a little reminiscent of the last shot of "The Graduate;" the "What do we do now?" shot with Ben and Elayyynnne....

And Luka/Abby kissing in the car (hohh, baby) and the subsequent rolling-on-the-bed scene were both veryveryvery hot. Hate when I'm watching Luka do something hot and my husband's in the room. I have to act unaffected and I'm not that good of an actress.

At 8:18 PM, December 06, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey - that was awesome! Laughed so hard! What's your day job? You should be a columnist!

At 1:32 PM, December 07, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 2:40 PM, December 10, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your recaps are fantastic - keep up the good work!!!

At 8:08 PM, January 06, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love your recaps. I am a total Luby fan and look forward to revisiting the Luby moments any chance I get!

At 4:11 PM, February 20, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well must say that more I read you, the more am addicted to your humour!
Absolutely fabulously and totally awesome!!
can't wait to read more!

At 12:24 PM, May 08, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it, I love it!


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