ER 12.12 Split Decisions

Previously on ER: The Teller-look-alike father of Ray’s Lolita ex-girlfriend warns him that if Ray ever goes near his daughter again, he’ll kill him; Ray tells Lolita, aka Zoe, aka girl who looks like a young Liv Tyler that he really meant it when he said they couldn’t see each other anymore, she protests that just because her dad’s a jerk doesn’t mean they can’t keep it going and he points to the bruises on his face and tells her that he got his ass kicked once; Neela married Gallant, aka Plank and tells Abby that she and “Michael” love each other and want to be together and that his tour of duty is over and Abby asks what if he gets stationed in Romania, to which Neela replies that he’s hoping to finish his training in a stateside army hospital; Ray asked Weaver for a few weeks off because his band got a recording deal; Weaver accepted Ray’s resignation, even though he didn’t mean to give it; Ray’s bandmates decided that they needed to make “a few changes”; Abby told Luka that she wants them to have this baby, and he held her hand as they sat on a park bench in the freezing cold.

Abby is handing off charts to Luka and updating him on the status of patients, telling him that their ice fishermen are on nebs and waiting for a respiratory therapist, the morgue picked up the nun, and their puking party boy went home with a liter of saline, a Compazine suppository and two very angry parents. Yeah, I’d be angry too if I had to administer a suppository to my stupid, drunk kid. Constipated, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. She wipes names off the Board as Luka asks her about the post-op cellulitis. She tells him “surgical floor” and that “Lucien was feeling generous”, as Dubenko chimes in that Abby threatened to hurt him. Hee. Abby walks away as Weaver comes up and Luka asks her if she sees that the overnight shift has no pass-ons. Weaver awards gold stars all around as Luka informs her that they also have no Attending for the day shift because Clemente, aka John Leguizamo, aka Chi-Chi Rodriguez from To Wong Foo hasn’t shown up yet and can’t be reached. Weaver doesn’t really care and tells him that it’s a problem for the Chief of the ER and that’s him. Duh, Luka. Luka hems and haws, asking if she can cover until Chi-Chi shows up. Way to take charge of your department and show your boss how on top of everything you are. When are you going to display your clever Croatian competence? I’ve cut you some slack for the past couple of weeks, but you really do need to step up now. Weaver says she can’t because she has physical therapy upstairs and she’s supposed to stay off her feet until then, and then afterwards she is out of there. She is moving a bit more slowly than usual. Dubenko, working on the computer, says that he can stay for a few minutes if Luka has to leave. Luka thanks him and quickly drops his charts next to Dubenko and hightails it out of there. Luka is a little too anxious to leave, and since Abby is off also and his hair looks even shorter than last episode, I’m guessing they’ve been playing Hair Salon again and were interrupted before, because Abby’s hair is once again a mess, and he’s eager to get back to his role as Shampoo Boy. Weaver says “there you go” and starts walking down the hall, passing Ray, who is hunching his shoulders while drinking coffee and holding a chart up close to his face, obviously hoping she won’t spot him. Weaver stops him and asks what the hell he is doing there. With his back to her he says “Uh, working”. Weaver thinks he quit. Ray turns around and looks at her puzzled and says that he didn’t. Weaver says he did and doesn’t he remember giving her the ultimatum that he needed time off to cut his album or he’d quit. Ray laughs and glances over at Dubenko, who’s watching with mild interest, and tells Weaver that he has no idea what she is talking about. Weaver scowls out him and says in a doesn’t-this-ring-a-bell tone, “Your band? Skunk Hollow?”, which always cracks me up because that’s the name of a park not too far from where I live. Ray acts innocent and says he’s sorry but corrects her that he is not in a band. Weaver gives him a “what the hell are you talking about” look as he continues that she was pretty doped up the last time they talked and that maybe she was just “tripping a little bit”, because Weaver’s been known to turn on tune in drop out, wear tie-dye and bell-bottoms, drop acid and listen to Jefferson Airplane. Weaver shakes her head, frowns and says “I don’t trip”. Well, then how did you come to fall in the ambulance bay last week then, Kerry? Ray gives her a patronizing “Well, if you say so” and turns towards Dubenko. Weaver doesn’t move from where she’s standing and just stares at him. Without looking and feigning nonchalance, Ray asks Dubenko if she’s coming. Dubenko says no. Ray asks if she is watching him and Dubenko says “oh yeah”. Hee. Ray waits a few seconds and asks again, but Dubenko lets him know that Weaver is still there. She finally turns to go down the hall, and Dubenko informs Ray that she’s leaving. Ray turns to look as Weaver looks back, and Ray turns quickly away. Weaver continues walking. Amusing scene.

Neela walks up to Admit. Dubenko congratulates her and says that she must have impressed his Chief Resident, Albright, aka Snotty Surgeon. Neela doesn’t know what he’s talking about and he informs her that she’s been accepted into the surgical elective. Neela is all excited and profusely thanks him. It’s cute. He smiles and tells her that he hopes she feels the same in three weeks. She says that she’ll certainly try and that she is going to go find Plank. She walks away and Ray goes with her asking if she and “Mikey” are going to get their own place now. Neela corrects him “Michael”, and you’d better not let Plank hear you calling him “Mikey”, Ray, or he’ll lay the smack down on you like he did to Pratt for calling him that in “Walk Like A Man”. She assures Ray that they will be out of his hair soon enough and that they are looking for a place this afternoon. Inez comes up and asks Ray if he knows a girl named Zoe Butler. Ray says “no”, Neela elbows him, and he corrects without looking at her “maybe”. Hee. Inez tells him that she is there looking for him and she’s in Exam Two. Neela smirks at Ray and walks off as he exhales disgustedly and goes over to the exam room. He opens the doors bitching and asking what she’s doing there, he told her not to come there and she knows he can’t see her as a doctor or anything else. Liv is lying on the bed with her back to him so that he can’t see what we do, that her face is cut and bruised – she has obviously been beaten up. She’s got a broken face, uh huh, uh huh. Though the make-up job is terrible and it looks more like kid’s cheap rub-on tattoos then actual contusions. She turns over to face him and he looks at her shocked.

After Opening Credits, Ray is examining Liv’s face and says he’s sorry when he hits a particularly sensitive spot. Inez comes in carrying x-rays. Ray tells Liv that she has some bruising, but at least her eye socket isn’t fractured. Thank God, because after Abby’s and Jake’s patient last year, I don’t need to see another protruding eyeball on this show again … ever. And it’s a good thing it’s not, too, because Luka and Abby aren’t there to MacGuyver the popping eyeball back in with a paper clip. Inez tells him that the arm films are back, and he thanks her. Ray tells Liv that he’ll clean up the cuts on her face and then he’ll stitch her up. She wants to know if she’ll have scars, but he thinks there will be a little discoloration that will fade with time. He shows Liv the x-ray telling her that it looks like she broke her ulna and that they call it a “nightstick fracture”, which is usually caused when someone is trying to protect themselves. He asks her what really happened. She says that she told him, she fell. She was running to catch the bus and she tripped on the curb. Yeah, I buy that, Liv. Fall on your face in those bad shoes. Not only did you manage to trip and fall simultaneously on both your arm and your face, but you also succeeded in making the bruises look suspiciously like the side of beef that Sylvester Stallone pounded in Rocky. He looks at her skeptically and she assures him that it’s true. He says that he’ll call Teller to let him know that she’s there. He goes to walk out and she stops him, saying not to call him. Ray wants to know why not. Liv gets filled up and can’t answer. Ray tells her that she has to talk to him. She finally tells him that Teller is the one who did this to her.

KJ the Volunteen walks into an exam room and calling Morris “Dr. M”, tells him that he has his breakfast and picked up his “threads”. Morris says “thanks, dude” and asks if they got the chocolate sauce off the tux shirt, because apparently Dairy Queen has gone upscale. Volunteen doesn’t know, but hands him a bag with the magazines he asked for as Pratt walks in and asks “what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Volunteen wants to know if Pratt is talking to him and Pratt says he talking to both of them. He reminds Volunteen that he is working as a volunteer in the hospital and not as Morris’ personal assistant. Volunteen protests that he was just about to … as Pratt cuts him off that he was “just about to give me some lame ass excuse and I don’t want to hear it”. He tells Volunteen to get his butt over to Admit and check-in with Jerry. Volunteen leaves and Morris tells Pratt that he’s a good kid and asks Pratt if he wants a bagel. Pratt warns Morris to stop using Volunteen as his personal valet, buying his lunch and his dirty magazines. Pratt pulls on Morris’ paper bag and it rips. The magazines spill to the floor and they don’t look like porn mags, but women’s magazines like Glamour. Hee. Guess Morris wants to know what lipstick and nail colors are right for a formal evening at DQ. And it’s January, so Cosmo’s 2006 Bedside Astrologer is out this month and he wants to see what his best “Love Days” are. Pratt looks at Morris, scoffs, and walks out. Morris lays his dry cleaning on the bed and asks an orderly if he can pick everything up and put it in the doctor’s lounge for him, as he chases after Pratt.

Morris catches up with Pratt in the hallway and tells him that he needs some advice. Pratt tells him to stop smoking dope and slow down on the porn. Morris says “serious” and Pratt assures him that he is serious. Morris tells him that he has a date with a girl named Tamara and they met online. Tamara? Are you sure it’s not Lafawnduh? And where online? eHarmony? Yahoo Personals? N’Sync Forever message board? Pratt shoots him a look and Morris tells him “No, it’s not like that.” He tells Pratt that this girl is smart, beautiful, funny … black … Pratt rolls his eyes, so Morris backtracks “sorry, African-American”. He goes on to tell Pratt that he’s never dated “a sister before”. I should hope not Morris, since inbreeding is not only disgusting, but the first rule of genetics: spread the genes apart. It doesn’t seem to have worked out too well for the Royal Family, because it’s a bad idea when cousins marry. And for the love of God, could he be any more offensive? Pratt tells him “please don’t say that” and Morris, not getting it, says “what, sister?” Penny the med student comes running up to Pratt and asks if he was looking for her. He tells her he was and to relax, and he just heard that a good teaching case came in, that’s all. She’s a little too over-eager. Like a Jack Russell terrier. Annoying. They start to walk away and Morris yells to him asking if Pratt’s going to help him out or not. Pratt tells him that he needs professional help, and I’ve never agreed with you more, Greg. Penny is still a little flustered and Pratt asks her “you sure you’re going to be alright?”

Liv tells Ray that she and Teller got into a fight a few days ago and that he sailed away on a wave of mutilation and hit her, so she took off. Ray shakes his head and is silently bitching, either that or he is reading her chart and hasn’t learned to do so without moving his lips. She tells him that she was staying at her friend Laura’s house and Teller was waiting for her outside her school and he made her go back home, then he did this to her. She says that it’s not the first time. Ray’s expression says that he is either a little shocked by this or the burrito he had for lunch is repeating. That’s the beauty of Shane West’s “acting”, it can so easily be mistaken for reactions to bodily emissions. He wants to know if there is anyone else he can call, like an aunt or an uncle or something. Liv says no so he asks about her sister, but Liv says that she lives in San Francisco, though Teller doesn’t know. Liv swore she would never tell him where her sister is. As Ray starts to irrigate the wounds, Liv tells him that Teller beat her sister so badly one time, she missed her midterms, which I would think would be a good thing. Except for the beating part. Liv thinks there is something really wrong with him. No, really, Liv? What was your first clue? The bloody pulp he made of your face? Your broken arm? The dweebie pseudo John Lennon eyeglasses he wears? Personally, I’ll love him forever for putting the smack down on Ray, but that’s just me and I guess I’m just that easy to please. Ray gives her the “duh” look that I’m sure I’m sporting l also, though his could just be gas, as she continues that she doesn’t think Teller can help himself. Ray doesn’t think he’ll be beating anyone else up once the cops get through with him. Liv’s upset and tells Ray that he can’t call the police and that she came there because she knew that he wouldn’t. Ray tells her condescendingly “he assaulted you, Zoe”. Even though one-celled organisms could probably outscore her on an IQ test, I’m pretty sure even she can remember his fists making contact with her face, Ray. Your head will collapse if there’s nothing in it, Liv. He tells her that he has to call the police. She protests that he doesn’t and it just makes it worse. Liv says that she called the police once and they didn’t arrest Teller and that it just made him madder. Ray tells her to trust him, they’ll arrest Teller this time. Liv wants to know what happens when Teller gets out and that he’ll come looking for her. She then asks if she can move in with him … and Neela … and Plank. He just stares at her as she tells him that she has nowhere else to go. Isn’t she a minor? Isn’t this a Social Services issue? Is Wendall still around? Or did the hospital dump her when Carter did? Does anyone even care about this storyline?

Morris walks in to Trauma Yellow as Sam and Dubenko are treating an elderly lady. Morris tells Dubenko that they have an open fracture in Four, some sort of parasitic infection in One, and a foreign body inhalation that looks like a roach clip. Don’t you know that you’re not supposed to really inhale, Moron Patient, just in case you ever want to run for President? Neither confirm nor deny. Dubenko tells him that he’s a little busy here, although he’s really not as he’s just listening to Elderly Lady’s chest. Morris says that they are a lot backed up out there, because they all forgot to eat their oat bran this morning. Morris thinks it’s only going to get worse unless Dubenko starts signing off on his and half a dozen other discharges that are waiting for his “John Hancock”, which would really sound kinky if I weren’t up on my Declaration of Independence signers. Dubenko gives him a “chill, baby baby, chill baby baby, chill” look and says he’ll be there in a minute. As Morris walks out Pratt walks in, looks at him and just says “no”. Hee. Penny is with him. Sam holds up a specimen container and tells Dubenko that the “urine looks like pea soup”. Thanks, Sam. I so needed to know that. Though I think you must be color blind because pea soup is green and that color is definitely more of a goldenrod. Dubenko says “bingo”, because he likes to make ‘em laugh, make ‘em cry, make ‘em dance in the aisles, make ‘em pay, make ‘em stay, make ‘em feel okay, and tells her to send up a culture. Pratt tells Dubenko that he thought he had a good one for Penny. Dubenko says “urosepsis” and Penny asks what the antibiotic of choice is. Dubenko says “levaquin” as Pratt says “ceftriaxone”. Sam looks over as Dubenko concedes, “okay, fine. In vitro ceftriaxone might give you a slightly better gram-negative coverage” as Pratt gives him an “uh huh. That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout” look. Sam says that she’ll mix up a gram, and I hope she’s talking about the antibiotic because “mixing up a gram” on the job is hardly appropriate, Sam. Like your hair. Which is in a ‘40’s Hollywood starlet straight ‘do, that is kind of flattering, but inappropriate for trauma, as it should be pulled back and not threatening to get in the way of procedures. Pratt asks Elderly Lady how she’s doing, but there’s no response. Sam chimes in that she had a subarachnoid three years ago, and I was about to ask what her pet spider had to do with this until Google told me it means “brain hemorrhage”. Oh, sorry, Elderly Lady, cause that kind of sucks. Penny unnecessary asks “so this is her baseline?” and Sam says that it is. Dubenko asks Penny what she knows about early goal-directed therapy of sepsis. Pratt shoots him a look as Penny explains that it attempts to balance oxygen delivery with oxygen demand. Dubenko continues that it decrease mortality through a multi-pronged approach as Penny nods and takes notes. Pratt doesn’t think that Elderly Lady seems like a candidate for aggressive therapy. Dubenko thinks they need to review her chart and talk to her primary physician. Pratt does his patented eye-roll without really eye-rolling, as Dubenko asks Penny that if they were to pursue goal-directed therapy, where would they start? Penny chirpily replies “get her BP up”, and Dubenko tells her she’s right, but that’s the tip of the iceberg and that they want her MAP over 65, the CVP over 10, urine output over 5cc’s an hour, O2 sat about 93, the crit above 30, and most importantly, the SVC 02 above 70. I have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about, but apparently Pratt and Sam do because they shoot him “you have got to be kidding me” looks. Sam tells him that he’ll need a central line for that as she and Pratt exchange another look. Dubenko says yes and with a special oxygen-sensing tip. Pratt tells him to hold up because she could be a DNR for all they know and tells Dubenko to look at her. Dubenko wants to know what Pratt is suggesting. Pratt is suggesting that they treat Elderly Lady conservatively, give her a couple of liters of saline, antibiotics, and oxygen and see how she does. Dubenko replies “well, okay, fine”, then adds dopamine for pressure support. Pratt scoffs “c’mon, dopamine?” Dubenko reasserts “dopamine, low dose”. Pratt says that he is going to see if he can pull an old chart as Sam shoots Dubenko another look. Pratt tells Penny that she doesn’t have to stay there for this. Sam pipes up, “Does that go for me, too?” Hee.

Abby and Luka are sleeping in bed in his apartment, facing in opposite directions. Both are clothed, so it must be Monday, because a lot of hair salons are closed then. Abby’s slippers, which look like the Land’s End fleece clog ones that I have, are lying on the floor on her side. And what looks like a baby magazine, with her glasses resting on it, is on the nightstand next to her. She’s restless and turns over towards him, jostling the bed. He opens his eyes slightly, irritated at the disruption of his sleep. Abby keeps tossing and turning and finally asks if he’s awake. Not opening his eyes, he says quietly and a bit annoyed, “barely”. She complains that she can’t sleep. In the same can’t-you-see-I-don’t-want-to-be-awake-bitch voice he replies “difficult to sleep when you talk”. Hee. She says that she keeps thinking about stuff. He tells her so stop thinking about stuff. She turns over again towards him and starts poking at and tapping him on the shoulder. Hee. I so do that to my husband, too. He ignores her so she asks “Don’t you want to know what I’m thinking about?” Realizing that it’s a losing battle and she is not going to shut up, he sighs, and when she prods “hmm?” says “uh huh, yeah” and turns over onto his back, without opening his eyes. Trying to get comfortable on the pillow, she looks over at him, then looking at the ceiling she tells him that she is thinking about what everybody’s going to say when they find out. Again, not opening his eyes, he says that he thinks they’ll be happy for her. Still looking up she gestures her hand towards him and corrects “us”, and he agrees “mm hmm”. Interesting that Abby is the one this time who corrects his saying “you” with “us”, when he did that constantly to her in the last episode. Abby says that she doesn’t think they should tell anybody for a couple of weeks. Luka opens his eyes and looks around a little, and says a bit sheepishly “uh, I might have mentioned something to my father”. Abby lifts her head and looks at him saying “you might have mentioned something to your father???” Luka, with his eyes closed again, sleepily affirms “he’s in Croatia. Who’s he going to tell?” Then he pointedly asks her “Did you mention something to your mother?”, in a tone that I recognize as one my husband uses. Hee. Abby looks quickly over at him and exclaims “Oh, God, no. I need to build up to that one. I’d like to wait until at least he’s in high school”. Hee. Luka asks “he?” and she replies “or she. Except I gotta think I’d be better with a boy because the mother-daughter dynamic really just scares the hell out of me”. Considering your mother, I’m with you on that, Abby. And Luka is just staring at the ceiling with the total I’m-not-really-listening-to-you-because-you-are-rambling-and-can’t-you-just- shut-it-because-I-really-just-want-to-go-back-to-sleep look. I am totally cracking up at this scene, because I identify with a lot of this. They remind me of a married couple. And instant karma’s gonna get you because you so just jinxed yourself with that comment, Abby. First rule of Fetus Club, never talk about gender preference. Now you are definitely going to have a girl. Luka looks like he has a realization and with a dreamy look on his face says out loud “we’re going to have a baby”. Abby turns towards him and says “I know” and then adds in a can-you-believe-it tone “it’s so crazy”. Luka lifts his eyebrows at her and gives her a huge smile. Awww. Bitch. Then Luka starts laughing like Beavis and Butthead. Huh huh, huh huh huh. Hee. Abby sits up and he asks her where she’s going. She tells him that she can’t sleep. He says that she should sleep because she needs her rest. She says that she’s too wired. Then she whines a little that she wants something to eat. Luka wrongly replies “Again???” Uh oh, Luka. Never a good thing to say to a pregnant woman. Instead of taking the opportunity to give him a much-needed spanking, like I so would have, Abby shows restraint and protests, “Just something little. Like a Pop Tart”, and I’m so with you on the Pop-Tart love, Abby, especially the S’mores flavor. Luka tells her “No. No more Pop-Tarts”. Never thought the word “Pop-Tart” could sound so sexy. And even though I know he’s objecting because they are not exactly the healthiest snack, I would have to keep eating them constantly just to hear him say that word. He stretches, trying to wake up and stammers that he’ll get her something, he’ll make her some breakfast or something. Awww. He really is perfect. And, bitch. She sits up straighter, bouncing the bed and pouting a little, looking just like my six year olds when I won’t get up when they want me to, staring at him impatiently and expectantly. He rolls his eyes and, stretching some more, reluctantly complies, “okay, I’m coming … I’m coming”. Very funny scene, and nice to see a bit of light-heartedness with these two after last week’s uber-angst.

Sam says “Sat’s 91 on five liters” as Dubenko listens to Elderly Lady’s chest and says to change to 100% non re-breather. Penny wants to know at what point they would intubate as Ray walks in and asks where Chi-Chi is. Dubenko thinks that’s a good question. Sam says that Chi-Chi hasn’t shown up. Ray wants to know who the Attending is. Sam points at Dubenko and says “you’re looking at him”. Dubenko asks what Ray wants as Ray raises his eyebrows. Ray tells him that he has a battered teen who doesn’t want him to call the cops on her abusive father. Dubenko tells him to call Social Work, but Ray doesn’t think that’s a good idea either. Dubenko tells him that reporting is mandatory. Ray purses his lips as Inez comes in telling Dubenko that “migraine mom is banging her head against the wall” and though I so feel your pain, Migraine Mom, I really have to think that would just make your head hurt worse. Inez continues “the Alzheimer Lady is missing”, and why am I not surprised that this hospital “lost” another patient? Idiots. Inez continues that there is a homeless guy in triage who puked up something that looks like a human finger. Yuck. And thanks, Inez, I was wondering what had happened to it. Behind Inez in the doorway is an old guy who I recognize as William H. Macy’s father-in-law, Wade, in Fargo. Inez tells Dubenko that Elderly Lady’s husband is there. Dubenko snaps off his gloves and says that he’ll be there in a minute. He asks if somebody could locate Chi-Chi. Sam says she’ll page him as Dubenko goes out into the hall.

Dubenko goes up to Wade and introduces himself. Wade asks how she’s doing. Dubenko tells him “not so good”, and asks how long she’s been like that. Wade tells him that it’s been almost three years now. Wasn’t Dubenko paying attention when Sam told them this earlier? Considering his fascination with the minutiae and mundane, I would think he would have absorbed this. Annoying. Wade explains that they were on the Amalfi Coast in Italy and she got a bad headache. Wade thought it was too much wine, which is perfectly is understandable because there are some kick-ass wines from that region, but by the time they found a hospital … Oh, I’m sorry, Wade. That really sucks. I hope you got to visit Ravello, or at the very least Positano, before she became a veg. Wade says that Elderly Lady couldn’t talk or move and that she bled into her brain from an aneurysm. Dubenko nods and says “subarachnoid hemorrhage”. Wade thought that when they got her to the hospital she’d be all right, but she never woke up. Dubenko wants to know if she ever opens her eyes and looks at Wade. Wade says she doesn’t, but that she knows he’s there. Wade is really bumming me out because he’s a very good actor and you can feel his sorrow. Wade thinks it’s a shame because Elderly Lady has beautiful blue eyes. He tells Dubenko that it’s what got him the first time and that she had caught him staring at her in math class, and he and Dubenko share a smile. Dubenko tells Wade that he and his wife have known each other a long time. Wade smiles and says that they started dating in ’49 and their 52nd wedding anniversary is coming up in March. 52nd? Wow. I know the traditional gift for the First Year is paper, 10th is tin, 25th is silver, 50th is gold, but what’s 52nd? Wheelchair? Walker? Orthopedic shoes? Dubenko congratulates him. Wade, trying not to cry, tells Dubenko that he knows Elderly Lady is sick, but he’s not ready to lose her. Dubenko, looking uncomfortable, tells him that he understands and that they’ll do everything they can. Dubenko is very compassionate here, which is a nice change from the stereotypical arrogance that this show usually attributes to surgeons. Wade, teary-eyed, thanks him.

Dubenko goes back into Trauma Yellow and asks if there is any word on Chi-Chi. Sam tells him that the “dude’s a no-show”. What is it with all the dude-ing in this episode? We’re not in Southern California people so let’s keep the surfer-speak to a minimum, okay? Dubenko orders a cordis introducer, an art line, and to type and cross for four units. Sam stares at him incredulously and says “Excuse me?” Dubenko starts to repeat the orders, but Sam tells him that she heard them, she just wants to know if he’s sure he wants to do that. Dubenko replies that they are pursuing early goal-directed therapy for sepsis. He asks Penny if she’s ever put in a subclavian line as Penny irritatingly gets all excited and says that she’d like to learn. She really needs to be smacked. Dubenko tells her to “prep the collar bone” and they’ll “do it together”, which sounds a little lewd, especially considering Dubenko’s idea of a good pick-up line is talking about penile dysfunction. He asks Sam for “number 8 gloves” as she tells him that he might want to run this by Pratt. Dubenko dismisses this by saying that Attendings don’t generally run things by Residents, as we see Pratt watching through the door from Trauma Green. Sam thinks that Dubenko isn’t generally an ER Attending. Sam is not being snotty or disrespectful here. She seems genuinely concerned that Dubenko may be making a mistake in his treatment because he’s not used to the way they do things in the ER. Dubenko ignores her as he tells Penny that she needs to identify the junction of the median and the middle third of the clavicle. Pratt walks in and asks how Elderly Lady’s pressure is. He asks Dubenko “what the hell are you doing?” Dubenko informs him that they are putting in a subclavian line. He orders to call the ICU for an SCV 02 catheter. Pratt thought they agreed not to do any invasive procedures. Dubenko inclines his head towards the hallway and tells Pratt that’s her husband out there, as Wade watches all of this, worried. Pratt tells Dubenko that he knows he’s a surgeon and they like to cut and paste everything back together again. So do my six year olds, so what’s your point, Pratt? He thinks that sometimes the best thing for a patient is not what they do, but what they don’t do. Dubenko informs him that Elderly Lady is not a DNR and Wade wants everything. Pratt asks if he explained to Wade that she is never going to get better, that she has no quality of life, and that this bacterial infection may be Mother Nature’s way of saying that it is time to let go. Dubenko, who has been ignoring him, looks up but doesn’t say anything. Pratt scoffs and shakes his head.

After commercial, Ray is stitching up a cut over Liv’s eye. A female cop is there asking Liv questions. Female Cop wants to know if Teller used anything to hit her with, but Liv says that he just uses his fists. Female Cop asks if Teller at any point threatened to kill her. Liv looks around a little and then says maybe … she doesn’t really remember. Liv is acting a little strange here. Is she lying about all this? I would think you’d kind of remember if someone told you they were going to kill you, but maybe that’s just me since I have a real aversion to you know, dying. Female Cop says that she is going to take a couple of Polaroids of Liv’s injuries, and aren’t you supposed to do that before she’s been cleaned and stitched up, Female Cop? Annoying. The door opens and Liz Dade, Social Worker, who was previously in the “Dream House” episode talking to Chaz, Pratt’s half brother, comes in. And what ever happened to him anyway? I guess since that storyline ended, we’re just supposed to forget about him … and Mister … and Mrs. Mister … and Sister Mister. Again, annoying. And I just realize that Liz looks a lot like the Snapple Lady. She introduces herself to Liv, who gets a little freaked out. Ray tells Snapple Lady that he didn’t call her. Snapple Lady tells him that Dubenko said he needed a hand. Ray gets pissy and says that Dr. Dubenko is a surgical attending who belongs in the OR. I’m probably wrong, but I thought Dubenko wasn’t just an Attending, but was Chief of Surgery. And wouldn’t he be needed up there? Does he really have that kind of time that he can hang out in the ER? And where is Chi-Chi? Are they going to explain? If Chi-Chi really didn’t show up, wouldn’t they call Luka back, seeing as he is in charge of the department and all? Dubenko’s not a “per diem” doctor like Benton was back in the “Flight of Fancy” episode where he had this exact same fish-out-of-water storyline, only it was Luka who hadn’t shown up for his scheduled shift that time, so why would Dubenko have to stay there? Wonder if we’ll ever get answers to these and other burning questions, or whether we will as usual just be expected to forget it by next episode. Ray tells Liv that he’ll be right back as he leads Snapple Lady out of the room.

Snapple Lady wants to know if Liv’s boyfriend did that, but Ray corrects that it was her father. Snapple Lady asks “sexual?”, but Ray says no. How do you know, Ray? Did you even ask Liv? Though don’t, okay, ‘cause like Morris dating a sister, I really don’t need to know about the incest. Ray tells Snapple Lady that he has this covered for now. Snapple Lady asks if Liv has any other family, and Ray responds that he is working on it. Snapple Lady thinks that if he can’t find anyone, she’ll have to place Liv in a group home. Ray gets all indignant and says “What? They’re nightmares.” She says that it is just until foster custody can be secured. Ray wants to know what’s to stop Teller from finding Liv there. Snapple Lady condescendingly tells him that Liv is a minor and she has to go somewhere. Ray reminds her that he is working on it. She tells him to work fast, she is not leaving today until Liv is placed somewhere. Snapple Lady walks away as Female Cop comes up and tells Ray that she sent a squad car to Teller’s office and she’ll let him know once they get him. Ray thanks her.

Neela bitches “where have you been?” as Plank walks up to her in the ambulance bay. He explains that he watched The Weather Channel, sorted through the mail, cleaned some dishes, refilled the ice cube trays, which sounds like just the sort of thrilling day Plank would have … every day. And he’s shaved off the caterpillar that’s been residing above his lip for the past two seasons, which just makes him prettier. Thanks, Plank. Neela says that he’s lucky she’s in such a good mood. He kisses her and asks why that is and she happily tells him that she got the surgical elective. He asks if she’s kidding as she beams, all proud of herself. He says “wow, congratulations” and puts his arm around her, saying “my wife, the surgeon”. Neela smilingly informs him that he starts back next week as the new R2. Isn’t Gallant further along in his residency? And what happened to having to complete his training in an army hospital? Annoying. Plank looks at her, surprised. She tells him that Weaver told her this morning. Neela thinks they should go to the Ritz and celebrate with mimosas and lobster eggs benedict. With you on the mimosas, Neela, but not so sure about the lobster and eggs combo. Plank tells her that he will do her one better. He says how about they go out to dinner to celebrate tonight, and she goes home and gets some sleep, since they are supposed to go look at that apartment that afternoon. Neela says that she’s not tired. Is she pregnant, too? Don’t think they serve Pop-Tarts at the Ritz, Neela. Plank says that he promised his buddy Rogan that he would stop by and visit him at the hospital and he’ll be disappointed if Plank blows him off. I doubt that, Plank, because I’m sure you could just send a house plant in your place and Rogan wouldn’t know the difference. Neela thinks they can run up and see him before they leave. Plank corrects her that Rogan is at the VA Hospital and that he just got transferred from Walter Read and he hasn’t seen him since he left Iraq. Neela says that’s fine and she’ll go with him, she wants to meet his friend, and then they are going to go and celebrate.

A bald moon-faced bespectacled doctor is bitching at Pratt that he can’t believe they put in a central line and an art line to Elderly Lady. Pratt tells him not to look at him and Sam chimes in “or me”. Tired of having to keep explaining himself, Dubenko says shortly that he is just trying to give her the best chance of recovery. Moony wants to know if he read her chart and asks Pratt what her condition is. Pratt says “chronic vegetative state with no chance of meaningful recovery”. Dubenko says that she can’t go to the medicine floor with an art line. Moony bitchily tells him “so, pull it” and starts to head out. He turns around as he gets to the door and tells Pratt to do it. Pratt calls for iris scissors, but Dubenko tells him to wait. Moony says “I said pull it” and Dubenko argues “I said wait”. Moony forcefully tells Dubenko that Elderly Lady is not going upstairs, that they have limited resources in the ICU and they treat the sickest patients who have a chance for recovery. He continues that they don’t flog people who are going to die. Glad to hear it since I really don’t see what thrashing the terminal would accomplish, Moony. Moony says that they never have enough beds as it is. Dubenko says he’ll do it as Jerry comes in and says that the cops brought in some guy who’s asking for him.

In the hallway we see Volunteen’s dad, Darnell in handcuffs. Darnell spots Pratt and says “yo, Greg!” Pratt wants to know what he’s doing there and Darnell tells him that they said he ran a red, but it was yellow, which never works for me either, Darnell. A cop with a buzz-cut tells him that Darnell almost ran over a traffic cop and he smells like a brewery. Darnell protests that he told him, a bag of groceries fell off the front seat and some beer bottles broke and that he can’t get the smell out his floor mats. Yeah, that one didn’t work with my dad either, Darnell, as Buzz purses his lips disapprovingly and nods. Buzz wants Pratt to draw a blood alcohol for a suspected DUI. Darnell wants Pratt to talk to Buzz. Pratt tells Buzz that he can vouch for Darnell. Buzz thinks that great, but he doesn’t need Pratt to vouch for him, he needs him to draw a BA. Buzz’ police radio goes off then and he walks away to take the call, conveniently leaving Pratt and Darnell alone. Darnell asks Pratt if Volunteen is around because Darnell can’t let him see him like this. Pratt bitches that he should have thought about that before he started drinking and driving and asks him “what’s the matter with you?”, and if only we had the time to go into that, Pratt. Darnell swears that he only had two beers. He tells Pratt that if he doesn’t pass this, they’ll bust him, he’ll lose his license and his job. Darnell tells Pratt that he has to help him and that he’s been trying damn hard, for himself and for Volunteen. Pratt does the non-eyeroll and calls Inez over. He asks her to take Darnell and Buzz to the suture room for a blood draw. Inez leads them away as Pratt sighs. He walks over to Admit, where Morris is standing. He asks if he’s seen Volunteen. Morris wants to know if that’s a trick question to see if he has Volunteen washing his car, because he only did it once and it wasn’t like he detailed it or anything. Hee. It was just a little hand wash, hand wax. Wax on, wax off, Archie-san. Pratt walks away and Morris calls after him “what, like you’re going to take a Porsche through a machine service?” He yells that he still has to talk to Pratt about his date.

Luka is drinking a cup of coffee. Wonder if it’s that “Turkish mud” that Abby told him in “Secrets and Lies” would eat a hole in his stomach lining? Though his stomach, and everything else for that matter, look just fine to me. And he really should wear form-fitting t-shirts more often. Yum. He walks over to the table where Abby is sitting, eating and writing on a yellow legal pad and stands beside her, looking over her shoulder. He asks her “what’s that?” and she tells him that it’s a list of things she has to do before the baby comes. And like Chi-Chi last week, she’s talking with her mouth full. Nice, Abby. Good example to set for the Lukaby. Luka thinks it’s a big list. She replies that there’s a lot of stuff to do and a ton of things to get. Luka reads off the list “baby monitor?” Abby is drinking milk, which does a body good, so I’m not surprised to know that Luka has some in his fridge because his body, and of course everything else for that matter, is very good. Abby explains that it’s so you can hear the baby when you’re not in the same room. Luka knows what it is, he thinks the apartment isn’t that big and “if that baby is awake, you’ll know it”. Abby replies “maybe it’s not for this apartment” and he reminds her that hers is even smaller. She doesn’t look at him and he apologizes “sorry, but it is” as she kind of shrugs. I think they are both subtly suggesting here the idea of living together, but coming at it from different angles and once again misreading what the other is saying. I think Luka made the comment about his apartment figuring that they’d be there, while Abby’s response about the monitor not being for “this apartment” was not to say it was for hers, but that maybe they would get another place, together. They seem to be spending all of their time together anyway, so they pretty much already are cohabitating, just not officially and not exclusively in one place. He asks her how her breakfast is. He’s just drinking the coffee, so he really did get up just to make breakfast for her. Awww. That’s sweet. Bitch. He starts to ask her “would you like some …” as she interrupts looking away and speaking kind of fast and acting a little spacey saying “you know, thank God the human species has a nine month gestation period. Can you imagine if we were rats and I was going to pump this thing out in, like, six weeks?” Although the way she said this was kind of funny and she’s obviously at that saying-whatever-pops-into-my-head-uncontrollable-babbling stage of pregnancy, please don’t start with the rodents, Abby, I’ve got a real problem with them. Luka just stares at her with an I-got-out-of-bed-for-this look. She asks him “isn’t that scary?” He deadpans, “no. But you’re scaring me”. Hee. She says “really?” then takes her fork and holds it back like she’s going to fling her waffle at him. Luka’s not amused and is all no, c’mon, don’t you dare, which Abby takes as a challenge and smiling asks “Don’t I dare? Are you daring me?” as she cocks the fork back even further. Luka has his hands up to defend against flying pastry and asks “whoa, what is it with you?” which is a totally legitimate question because she is acting like a freak. And kind of manic. Actually, she is channeling me from my first pregnancy, which is more than a bit freaky. She complains “I don’t know! I don’t know”, fidgets, and again with the fast-talking says, “It’s like a … hormonal surge. I can’t sleep. I can’t stop eating. I …” She’s wearing a long-sleeved blue t-shirt and the shoulder seams come halfway down her arms, so evidently, it’s Luka’s. Again, sweet. And again, bitch. Unable to sit still, she leans back in the chair crossing her arms and looking for reassurance, asks him plaintively pouting, “Maybe I’m nesting?” Luka stares at her like he’s thinking that maybe she really did inherit the crazy. And like she may be thinking the same thing, she starts “Do you think I’m …” but shakes it off and says that she just thinks she needs to get ready. He tells her that they still have plenty of time. She thinks he says that but it’s going to go fast, as he sighs and covers his eyes. She says that she doesn’t want to jinx anything, which reminds me of the conversation they had in “Shifts Happen” where she told him she had made decisions but ended up not elaborating that she was going to try to go back to med school because she didn’t want to “jinx it”. She thinks that maybe they should just look at some things, not to buy but to do some comparison shopping for later. He asks her “you want to go shopping?”, but she clarifies that she wants to “go looking”. He asks “for baby monitors?” She says “yes, monitors, cribs, car seats …” then leaning a little forward says jokingly “maybe a little mobile of famous Croatian diplomats”. Hee. He stares at her for a second, then gestures his hand like “WTF?”, and she explains “it’s a joke”. He puts his hand to his mouth, smiling at her like he’s trying to figure out who the alien Abby replicant is. She shakes her head and goes back to her list. Funny scene.

Dubenko pulls the art line out of Elderly Lady. He goes out into the hall, as Wade asks if it’s a good sign since he took out the tubes. Dubenko says that they pulled out the invasive monitoring lines because she’s not going to the Intensive Care Unit. Wade thinks she’s getting better. Dubenko corrects him that she’s not. Wade doesn’t understand why they unhooked her. Dubenko, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but there, tells him that the hospital has limited resources for their sickest patients. Yikes, Lucien. He’s a surgeon for God’s sake. I’m sure he’s had to explain to patients’ families that their loved ones aren’t going to get better, so it’s not very realistic that he’d be so bumbling here. Wade disgustedly says “resources” as Dubenko explains “beds, doctors, nurses” and Wade interrupts that he’s talking about money. Dubenko tells him that it can cost up to $20,000 a day to keep a patient in the ICU and that the most difficult decision they make as doctors is deciding who will benefit from critical care and who will not. Wade, understandably pissy, says “oh, and you decided my wife won’t”. Dubenko corrects that they will continue to care for Elderly Lady, but Wade cuts him off “but she’s not worth $20,000 a day”. Dubenko tells him that she will be admitted and given antibiotics, but Wade thinks she needs a lot more than that. Dubenko swallows and says that they will provide Elderly Lady with the care that is best for her, as Wade says “but not the best care”.

Buzz comes out of the suture room looking for Pratt. He asks Pratt if he’s playing him, stalling so that Darnell’s blood alcohol level drops low enough to squeeze by. Buzz says he can demand another doctor or he could get a nurse to do it. Pratt says it’s nothing like that and he knows this guy, but Buzz thinks they’ve established that. Pratt explains that Volunteen works there as a volunteer and that he’s a good kid, trying to make something of himself. He asks Buzz how many teenage boys he knows who would volunteer at the hospital. Um, Pratt, Volunteen didn’t exactly choose to volunteer – wasn’t it part of a community service deal? But I do get that you are trying to play up that they are model citizens. Pratt doesn’t want Volunteen to see his father like this and asks Buzz to give him a few minutes to get rid of him, and then he’ll do the blood draw himself. Buzz tells him that he has five minutes before he grabs a nurse. Thanks for warning us about the upcoming groping, Buzz, but I really don’t think your nurse fondling plans are relevant to the conversation. Buzz goes back to sutures as Pratt walks over to a cart and grabs a blood draw kit. He goes into a bathroom. Isn’t anyone going to notice that there’s a missing kit? Again, don’t they inventory their supplies? I remember in Season 10, Abby’s count was off and Weaver wouldn’t let her and the other nurses going off shift leave until they found a missing needle and dose of haldol. Luka really does need to get a handle on the department. Maybe he needs a Standard Operating Procedures Manual. And I’d be more than willing to help him operate some “manual procedures”, though they’d be anything but standard. Just saying. Pratt rolls up his sleeve and we fade to black.

After break, Pratt enters the suture room, pulling on gloves. He thanks Buzz for waiting. He grabs the blood draw kit that was set up on the bedside tray. As he puts the rubber strap around Darnell’s arm, Darnell asks if Pratt’s seen Volunteen. Pratt says that he sent him on an errand. He draws some blood. Buzz tells him that he needs to initial it, and Pratt asks if he can grab the pen off the table behind him. When Buzz turns around, Pratt takes the vial of his own blood out of his pocket and switches it with the one he just drew. Buzz hands him the pen, Pratt writes on the label and drops the vial into a plastic bag that Buzz holds open for him. Since Abby’s probably the only one who could get away with doing something like this, I’m guessing this blood switching thing is going to come back to bite Pratt in the ass.

Outside the VA Hospital, Plank tells Neela that he thinks she’ll like Rogan, that he’s a crazy dude from Chicago who talks a mile a minute and knows more dirty jokes than anybody that Plank’s ever met, which considering Plank is blank, really doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment. Neela wants to know what happened to him. Plank says that it was a roadside bomb and Rogan took some shrapnel. Yikes. Sorry, Rogan. Rogan was one of their supply truck drivers, although he’d tell the female nurses that he was a terrain transport pilot. Neela wants to know what Plank told the nurses and he says that he told them he had a girl, and a personality, back home. Neela thinks that’s a good answer, secretly wishing the part about the personality were true.

Neela and Plank walk into what looks like a common room, where patients are meeting with visitors, playing pool, reading magazines. They walk over to a guy in a wheel chair, staring out the window. Plank says “so, where’s the party, man?” as the guy turns around slowly. He’s got a shaved head and scars on his face, and he talks and moves slowly. He says “Mike”. Plank jokes that he figured Rogan would have a nurse on each knee by now and asks if he’s losing his touch. Rogan stares at him, uncomprehendingly. Plank introduces him to his wife. Neela says hello and holds out her hand for him to shake. Plank tells him that he got married. Hence the whole “wife” business, Plank. Duh. He asks Rogan if he can believe it and that they did it in a day. Rogan has a huge scar across the top of his head. He haltingly tells Plank that they won’t let him go back. He says that Plank’s a doctor and asks if he can talk to them and tell them that Rogan needs to go back. Plank looks at him sadly, realizing that he’s not the same guy and patting his leg tells him “whatever you need”.

Ray brings a tray in for Liv, who is now wearing a hot pink cast on her right arm. He tells her that there’s Jello, yogurt, soup, French fries, and ice cream. Liv says “wow” because she’s looking for the toy, since all Happy Meals come with one. She thinks it comes from the bottom of the healthy food pyramid. Shut up, Liv! At least he’s bringing you something to eat. Ingrate. He could have just tossed you a Pop-Tart. He jokes “more like the basement” and smiles at her. Liv thinks she’ll stick with the ice cream. And though I’m with you on the ice cream choice, Liv, you really shouldn’t bitch about the healthiness of the food if you are just going to pick the worst. Ray says okay and sits down on the edge of the bed, telling her that he got her vanilla because the chocolate dispenser is broken. He hands the dish to her as she tells him “That’s okay. Chocolate gives me zits”. Nice. Thanks for the info, Liv. She can’t eat with the cast so Ray takes it from her. He says that it used to be French fries for him. Thanks, Ray. I’m even less interested in your acne. And if that’s actually true, why the hell would you bring Liv pustule producing provisions? Annoying. He feeds her some ice cream. He tells her that Teller is not at work and the police are out looking for him. He wants to know if she’s in touch with her sister. Liv says that they send emails and that she calls her from her friend Donna’s house sometimes. Ray asks if Liv can stay with her. She doesn’t know how she would get out there. Ray says that he’ll deal with that. He moves to the phone and says that they’ll call her sister and see if Liv can live with her. Liv complains that Ray probably wishes that he never met her. Ray shakes his head and says “no, although it would have been easier if I’d met you four or five years from now”, and smiles at her. And I actually kind of liked Ray in this scene, and who the hell needs that?

Abby and Luka are walking down a Chicago street and she’s reading off the list “so … crib, cradle, changing table”. Luka can’t believe that you really need a special table for changing a baby and wants to know why they can’t change him in the crib. Abby gives him a “you’re joking, right?” look and he says “what?” She goes back to the list and continues “stroller … we need two car seats”. Luka says disbelievingly “Two???” and Abby fills him in that they need one for both of their cars. Does Abby really have a car? I know she joked with Susan that Carter could buy her a new transmission when Susan suggested he give her jewelry, but I don’t remember seeing her drive a car since she took Maggie to the bus station in the red SUV back in Season 7, and I had just figured that was Luka’s. Luka says “oh, right”. Since Abby’s started on the two of something kick, she continues like she’s just realized it “oh right, we need two of everything. We need a crib for your place and a crib for my place, and a changing table for your place …” but shaking his head, Luka interrupts that he can still change him in the crib. Abby pointedly asks “what if she pees while you’re changing her and soaks the mattress” as the El passes overhead. Luka smiles and says “okay, so if we have twins, we’re going to need to have four of everything?” Abby smiles and says decisively “I’m not having twins”. Luka replies “uh, identical twins run in my family”. That’s not true, is it? I have twins and I was always told that it was fraternal twins that run in families, which it does in mine, and that identical twins happen randomly. Abby stops and stares at him, playing with her hair. Trying to gauge if he’s serious, she asks “Are you kidding me?” He looks back and says “What? I mean, chances are really small.” Uh, Abby, you’re a doctor, and wouldn’t a doctor know that identical twins aren’t hereditary? I think he just said it to throw her off guard, and it worked, and as a subtle way of saying how ridiculous it is that they should need more than one of anything, except the car seat, because they do definitely need two of those. The dance they do around each other is getting a little tiresome. Like the Alley Cat. Or the Macarena. Been there, done that, Abby and Luka. Let’s move on. Or move in, in this case. Getting that he’s kidding, she smiles and teases him “If your mutant Croatian seed causes me to have twins …” Very cute and obviously teasing. Though with your mother and brother, I don’t know that I’d be calling anyone else’s genetics “mutant” if I were you, Abby. Then Luka says smiling “Look at it from the sunny side. If we have a custody fight, each one of us is gonna take a kid”. Ooh, talking about custody fights before the baby is even born, Luka? Probably not smart as Abby furrows her brow and looks at him questioningly, trying to figure out what he means by that. She starts to walk away as he clarifies “identical twins” and calls after her “hey … exactly the same”. She looks over her shoulder, smiling at him because she realizes it was just a joke that fell flat and she remembers that Luka watched “The Parent Trap” on the Disney Channel last night, because he has a crush on Lindsay Lohan and thinks fake British accents are cute. She says “got it … yeah” and beckons him with her head to follow. He smiles after her, like okay, good, she gets my really offbeat sense of humor. Thank God someone does.

Sam and Dubenko are walking down the hall and she is updating him on patients. She says that Morris needs help with an LP, disimpaction’s still waiting in Curtain Three, and she swears that the kid in Curtain Two looks like measles. Inez joins them and says “my dislocated shoulder is still in the hallway, looking for love”. That’s nice, Inez. My trick knee is looking for Mr. Goodbar, but I don’t go around bragging about it. Dubenko stops them and says that at the very least they have to prioritize these for him when it’s this insane in here. Inez and Sam share a look and Inez says “you’re kidding me, right? It’s dead in here today” and that they haven’t even had a single trauma. And Sam and Inez are wearing matching magenta under their scrubs. And with the amount of lines they’ve had between them this episode, the show really could have gotten away with only having one of them. Is Linda Cardellini leaving? Because she really hasn’t had anything more to do this season than Chuny or Malik, so why is she still main cast? Weird. Wade walks up to Dubenko and hands him an envelope. Dubenko asks what it is and Wade says that it’s for his wife. Sam says that they’ll see if Morris can take some of the charts and she and Inez walk away as Dubenko calls after her that Morris isn’t an Attending. He opens the envelope and sees that it is a check. He stutters that it isn’t exactly what he meant. Wade explains that he told him $20,000 a day for the ICU, right? He tells Dubenko that it’s a check for $87,000, it’s all he has and it will buy his wife four more days. Dubenko says that he can’t take it, and Wade wants to know why not, because it’s a cashier’s check. Dubenko tells him that it’s not just about the money and that they can’t put his wife in the ICU, because there are patients who need it more than she does. Wade’s despondent and wants to know if Dubenko is saying that there is not enough money to save his wife. Dubenko says that he’s very sorry, and he looks it, but he can’t take Wade’s money and there’s nothing more he can do. Wade snatches the check away and stomps off. This would be kind of sweet and touching and all, Wade, if you hadn’t had three years of her being a veg for you to prepare yourself for this. Pratt comes up to Dubenko and tells him that he needs him to sign off on a diverticular abscess. As Dubenko is signing it, Pratt asks what that was all about. Dubenko shakes his head and says quietly “nothing” as he walks away.

Pratt sees Buzz and Darnell walking down the hall. Buzz says that the blood alcohol came back negative. Darnell’s all smug and says “that’s what I’ve been telling you”. Shut up, Darnell! Pratt may have saved your ass here but I have the sinking feeling that we’re going to be subjected to seeing you in trouble again, and next time, it’s going to be really bad. Buzz says that he’s been doing this a long time and he’s not usually wrong about these things. Shut up, Buzz! This scene is like the attack of the annoyingly arrogant assholes. Buzz tells Darnell to make sure he pays that ticket and walks away. Darnell thanks Pratt and tells him that he owes him. Yeah, you so do, Darnell. Pratt tells him that he needs some help. Not getting it, Darnell tells him that he did help him and that he appreciates it and promises that it won’t happen again. Pratt knows that it won’t happen again because Darnell is going to stop drinking and get himself into a program today. Darnell scoffs “a program?” Pratt tells him, “you need some help, D”. Darnell shakes his head as Pratt tells him that he almost hit a cop. Volunteen walks up to them carrying what looks like a Godiva chocolates bag and tells Pratt that he’s got his truffles. Nice, Pratt. And you bitched at Morris for sending him on personal errands. And truffles, Pratt? Well, I guess that explains the love handles you’ve been sporting lately. Volunteen asks Darnell what he’s doing there and Darnell says he was in the neighborhood. Volunteen doubtfully asks “doing what?” Pratt covers that he asked him to stop by. Pratt asks Volunteen if he got something while he was out and he says that he stopped by the food court at the Water Tower. Pratt tells him to go check in at Admit and see if they need him to make any lab runs, as he takes the change out of Volunteen’s hand. Darnell tells Volunteen that he’ll pick him up after work. Pratt tells Darnell that there is an AA meeting every night at the community center where Olivia works, and wants Darnell to go down there. He asks him to promise, and Darnell says he will. Why am I not really believing you, Darnell?

Darnell walks away as Pratt continues down the hall. Morris runs up to him and says “please, man, I need this, okay?” and adds that he hasn’t been with a woman in months. Thanks, Morris, I so needed to know that. Though I’m really not surprised. Pratt bitches that he’s not giving Morris any tips on dating black chicks. Morris says that he’s not just asking because Pratt is black, he’s asking because “you’re the coolest guy I know”, and why am I getting a strong Richie Cunningham and The Fonz vibe here? Must be the red hair. Morris adds that Pratt’s his friend, and Pratt shoots him a “say what?” look. Morris continues that it’s not easy for him when it comes to women, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard him utter a truer statement. He says especially once it gets going because of his “condition”. I really don’t think “chronic douchebag” is a condition, Morris. Pratt asks “what condition? Stupidity?”, and you couldn’t come up with anything better than that, Pratt? Morris quietly says that he is supernumary thelium. Pratt’s all “what?” Morris looks around, then pulls him into a curtained area. He starts to unbutton his shirt, while Pratt wants to know what he’s doing. Morris opens the shirt to reveal … four nipples! Why do I have to see that? That’s just wrong, on so many levels. And I am simultaneously repulsed, intrigued and amused. Pratt tells him like we didn’t already see it “you got extra nipples”. Morris nods and shushes him. And Morris looks like he works out a bit because he actually doesn’t have a bad chest, aside from the nipplage, that is. Morris bitches “red hair, porcelain skin, and four nipples. Do you know what gym class was like for me growing up?” Hee. Pratt can’t stop staring at them as Morris goes on “Hey, Nipple Boy … here, here, little piggy … look, it’s the ugly suckling”. Ha!!! Ray pulls back the curtain and walks in. Morris says “what, we don’t knock?” and Ray responds “On a curtain?” Hee. He wants to know what they are doing with his patient, referring to the unconscious guy on the bed behind them. Pratt says nothing, and that Morris was just showing him his extra nipples. Hee. Morris can’t believe Pratt would violate his doctor-patient privilege as Ray takes a look. Pratt tells Morris that he’s not his doctor and he sure as hell isn’t Pratt’s patient. Ray’s impressed and says, “whoa, look at those. Freaky” as Morris buttons up his shirt. Ray tells him he should get them all pierced and “wear them like chain mail”. Hee. Ray tells them that he needs some money. Pratt wants to know how much and Ray tells him whatever he’s got and that he’ll cover it.

Neela opens a door carrying a coffee cup and looks to see Gallant, with his jacket off and wearing a grey sweater prettily, sitting on a sofa, telling a story to some vets, including Rogan. Plank is talking about walking into a supply tent and seeing Rogan filling up an inflatable sex doll with helium. He says that he looked up and there are a bunch of them already floating on the ceiling. Plank doesn’t know how or where he got them into the country. Rogan is just staring ahead, not listening. Plank continues that Rogan recruited him, and laughing at the delusion that he has incredibly witty story-telling abilities, says that they let them launch at first light and there were a dozen naked sex dolls floating over the desert at dawn, as the soldiers all laugh. These guys must be really hard up for entertainment if they are laughing at Plank’s jokes. Though it’s understandable since recently they’ve only seen USO tours with “stars” like Hootie and The Blowfish, Kathy Griffin and Alyssa Milano. Neela doesn’t look amused and she reminds Plank that they are supposed to be at the apartment at three. Plank comes down off his laughter high and tells Rogan that he has to leave and that he’ll swing by in a couple of days, as Rogan has no reaction, and Neela looks on.

Luka is squeezing a squeaky toy elephant as Abby is fitting him with a baby carrier on his back. They are apparently in a baby store. And Luka is wearing a grey sweater that looks suspiciously like the one that Plank was just wearing. Maybe Abby and Neela went shopping together and got a “2 for 1” deal or something, though Neela really should have used the money to buy Plank a personality. Luka bitches “Why do I have to do this? Why can’t you try it yourself?” Abby ignores him and says “ah” as she finally figures out how it’s supposed to go. She tells him to turn around and adjusts the carrier around him. He sticks the elephant in her face and squeaks it. She laughs, bats it away and tells him to “just play with your toy” as a saleslady comes over to them. Saleslady asks if she can help them. Abby tells her they are just looking as Luka squeaks the toy again. Saleslady doesn’t take the hint and comments “that’s really cute isn’t it?” Shut up, Saleslady! I realize you work on commission, but that toy probably costs less than ten bucks, so don’t try so hard, okay? Luka squeaks it again and says “yeah”. Saleslady asks Abby if she’s looking for a gift or if it’s for her. Abby already told you that they are “just looking”, so shove off, sister. Luka takes off the carrier and hands it to Abby as she says “It’s for me” then glancing at him corrects “us” and then says awkwardly “we’re having a baby … together”, as Luka looks down. Fake smiling, Saleslady annoyingly asks “Is this going to be your first?” Abby doesn't answer right away, lifting up her shoulder like she’s not sure what to say as Luka looks from Saleslady to her. Looking at Abby, he grins and fills in “yeah”. He looks down, playing with the tag on the elephant as Abby looks up at him. He glances at her and when their eyes meet, she grins at him, then at the Saleslady, looking a little pleased that he said that.

Neela and Plank are in the car and she is reading from the listing that the apartment has two bedrooms, two underground parking spaces, washer-dryer, storage facilities, and there’s a workout room in the building. Plank’s not really listening to her. Neela questions, “You don’t like it?” Plank distractedly asks how can he not like it if he hasn’t even seen it yet? He gets out of the car and Neela follows, knowing that something is wrong. She asks him if he’s all right. He says yeah. She tells him that if he doesn’t think that Rogan is getting the best care possible, maybe Plank could arrange for one of the neurologists at County to see him. And I have to laugh at the words “best care possible” and “County” in the same sentence, seeing as they can’t keep track of their patients and their doctors don’t believe working scheduled shirts is mandatory to employment. Plank nods and says that it’s not Rogan, but it’s him. Neela does the Botox-inducing scowl at him and he tells her that he wants to go back. She doesn’t get it and asks “to the hospital?” and he answers “to Iraq” and starts to walk away. Neela can’t believe what she’s hearing and asks him if he’s joking, but he doesn’t answer. She tells him that she knows that it’s difficult to see your friends and all those soldiers like that, but that going back is not going to change what happened to them. Plank rings the bell and tells her that he can help prevent other guys from ending up like that, or worse. Neela says that they’ll talk about it later after he’s had time to think about it. He tells her that he has already been thinking about it for weeks. She’s pissed that he didn’t bother to tell her about it. He tries to explain that he left people over there, people who need him. Neela thinks she needs him, though you really don’t, Neela. Plank doesn’t think she needs him like they do. Incredulous, Neela says, “Oh my God, Michael, I can’t believe we are having this conversation”, as the door opens and Real Estate Lady says “Mr. and Mrs. Gallant, right?” and tells them to come in and that they’ll love the place, though they are so not loving each other right now. Real Estate Lady thinks that it’s perfect for newlyweds.

Real Estate Lady leads them into the apartment and tells Plank that she understands that his wife is a doctor, which is weird considering Neela is standing right there and why didn’t Real Estate Lady just address her? She asks him what he does, and Plank says that he is a doctor, too, in the army. Real Estate Lady tells them that the place won’t last long and asks what they think. Sensing the tension, she tells them to take their time and to call her after they’ve talked it over. She asks them to close the door behind them when they leave, and she heads out. Neela goes over to the window and stares out.

Luka is standing holding a couple of handled shopping bags, one containing the squeaky elephant, as Abby browses through maternity clothes. So much for the “l want to go looking” and “comparison shopping”, Abby. Luka is acting just like my husband when I dragged him baby shopping, or any kind of shopping for that matter, and is huffing impatiently with the can-we-please-just-go-now posture and looking at the ceiling. What happened to the “I’ll go shopping” that you told Abby last week, Luka, or does that only apply to groceries? Abby is holding up a pair of gigantic maternity pants that even if she gets mega-huge would probably still hold two of her and shows them to Luka saying “Wow, look at these. If I get this big, I think I’m gonna want to kill myself”. If you ever can actually fit into those, Abby, it means you’ve probably grown about four inches, too. And I hate to burst your bubble, but that doesn’t happen in pregnancy. Though your feet do grow, so I doubt you’ll be swapping stilettos with Cha-Cha anytime soon. Luka soothingly tells her that women look the most beautiful when they are pregnant. She looks at him doubtfully and smiling says “You’re such a liar”. And Abby’s chewing gum here, though thankfully not cow-cud gum chewing like Chi-Chi does. I was a little afraid she might end up channeling him after the talking-with-the-mouth-full scene. Smiling beguilingly at her, he earnestly says that he’s serious. And the way he’s looking at her, he obviously thinks it’s true of her. Awww. Bitch. Abby is holding up the pants and we can see that the tag says “L”. In what universe could Maura Tierney possibly ever wear a “Large”, ER prop people? Annoying. Smiling at him coyly, she puts the pants back on the rack and we hear a bell ring. As an angel gets its wings someone apparently enters the store because Abby looks then says “crap!” and ducks behind the clothes rack. Luka looks at her and asks “what?” as she reaches out, grabs him, and drags him down behind the rack with her. Hee. There’s a rack of baby clothes behind them. I wonder if they’re Carter’s? She whispers “It’s Debbie Dockens from the Pharmacy” and stands up to take a peek, seeing “Debbie” with Saleslady. Luka, starting to stand up, asks “who?”, as she yanks him down again and whispers “Don’t look! If she spots the two of us in a baby store together holding bags of stuff, she’s gonna tell everybody”. Luka protests that he doesn’t even know who she is. Abby tells him that she knows who he is, but he doesn’t think so. Because he really can be clueless sometimes, Abby has to explain to him “Oh, Luka, every woman that works in the hospital knows who you are, trust me”. Ha!!! And of course the women in the hospital know who he is – he probably slept with most of them in his man-ho days of Season 9. Luka rolls his eyes at her. Abby grabs some clothing off the rack and makes a break for it, telling him “let’s go”. He grins, wondering what she’s up to. Crouching down, she makes her way across the aisle, past a saleswoman, and without standing up, holds up the clothes and says “I’m trying these on” and keeps slinking past. Luka follows in the same crouched position and explains to the saleswoman “uh … her back’s bothering her” as saleswoman just nods “okay” at him. Hee.

Abby goes through a curtain into a dressing room that is painted in pastel peach and has a nursery rhyme wall hanging. Some really cloying elevator type music is playing. She puts down the clothes as Luka pokes his head through the curtain and looks at her. She laughs and pulls him inside saying “get in!” He asks her how long they are going to stay in there. Abby replies laughing “just until she leaves” as she peeks out of the curtains. He wants to know how long that will be. She whispers “I don’t know … shhh”. Luka tells her “don’t shhh me!”, so she turns around and teasingly says “shhhhh”. He grabs the lapels of her jacket and pulls her closer as she flirtingly says “shhhhhhhh” again, and he says “don’t shhh, you made me hide in here” trailing off as he kisses her. Bitch. Because Luka’s a humble guy with a healthy desire, I think he’s having a “hormonal surge” of his own as he keeps kissing her, taking off her jacket, then hurriedly shedding his own and yanking off his scarf. Guess it’s getting warm in there. And Luka looks totally hot in that sweater. Maybe he should take that off, too. She laughs against his lips whispering, “I think … we should stop”, though clearly not wanting to because she throws her arms around his neck. Luka pulls her even closer, she falls into him and he tells her “you started this one” as they make out some more. Lucky. And, bitch. They disappear down out of frame then we hear the elephant squeak like it’s being deflated as they’ve apparently landed on it and Abby giggles. The security people watching them through the two-way mirror must be enjoying the show. Wonder if they are hiring? And what happened to Abby’s gum??? Classic screwball romantic comedy humor and the whole scene is very funny. Already knew that Maura Tierney has great comedic timing, but Goran Visnjic appears to also, and they play well off each other.

Dubenko is pushing Elderly Lady on a gurney down the hall as Wade runs after telling him to wait. He wants to know what Dubenko is doing. Dubenko tells him that it’s okay. Wade says that he told him not to do this. Dubenko tells him it’s okay and they are moving her to St. Rafe’s, a private hospital that has agreed to treat her sepsis. Wade asks if it’s in the ICU. Dubenko says yes and that they have an excellent reputation and he’s already spoken with the attending there. Wade wants to know who he gives the check to, and Dubenko says they’ll bill him. Wade asks how he can thank him and Dubenko tells him to enjoy the time he has left with his wife. Wade hugs him and tells him he’s a good doctor and a good man, and I’m so with you on that, Wade. Despite the creepiness of his indecent proposal to Abby, I like Dubenko and hope they keep giving him more to do. And he seems to have shorn the weirdness along with Lucien’s Luscious Locks of Love, and has lately been almost normal. Dubenko’s a little unsettled by Wade’s outpouring and stammers that Wade should go because they’ll have a lot of forms for him to fill out. And it’s good to see a surgeon who’s not an asshole or a shrew.

Pratt comes up to Volunteen who’s working on a computer and tells him that he hopes that’s homework and Volunteen honestly tells him that it’s not. Pratt asks if he needs a ride home. Volunteen says that his dad’s coming to pick him up. And, duh, Pratt. You were there for that conversation. Idiot. Volunteen says that Darnell may be running a little late because he had a meeting to go to, which makes Pratt all happy and he thinks it’s good that Darnell called Volunteen to tell him that. Volunteen thanks Pratt for helping out Darnell and that he saw him with the cops. Pratt tries to play it off as a misunderstanding and Volunteen says that it always is and walks away.

Pratt sees a beautiful woman walking down the hall and he goes over to her. Guess he’s having a “hormonal surge” too because he says “You look like you need some help from me”, which is a horrible pick-up line. And, shut up, Pratt! What happened to Olivia? You know … your girlfriend … the one that you just mentioned about ten minutes ago? Jackass. Beautiful Woman says that she is looking for Archie. Pratt asks what he was brought in for and she explains that he works here and she thinks he’s in charge of everything, as Morris turns around and asks “Tamara?” She tells him that she’s sorry and she knows that she’s way early but he says it’s okay and that it’s nice to finally meet her in person, as Pratt keeps checking her out. Morris says “wow. You, you’re tall”. Tamara looks offended as Pratt chuckles and Morris stutters that it’s cool and that he likes tall. He introduces Pratt as his “dawg”. I’ll say it for you, Pratt – Shut up, Morris! Pratt says “what?” and holds out his hand to Tamara, telling her his name is Greg, and she thinks it’s nice to meet him. Morris asks her if she wants to hang out in the doctors’ lounge while he finishes up or he could take her on a tour of the place. She thinks a tour would be nice. Pratt cuts in and asks him “what about your supernumerary thelium”. Damn, Pratt. That was cold. Even I feel sorry for Morris now. But don’t despair … it will pass, and no doubt more quickly than it should. Pratt pats him on the shoulder as he walks away, leaving Morris dumbfounded. Tamara thinks it sounds serious and she can come back later if he’s got surgery or something. Morris explains that it’s not a patient … it’s him. He tells her he’s sorry and he doesn’t want to waste her time, as Pratt watches all this, laughing. Shut up, Pratt! And since no one has said it yet this episode … jerk-off. Morris says that he should have said something earlier but he didn’t want to scare her off and it’s always awkward. Then he blurts out that he has extra nipples. She says “excuse me?” and he points to his chest counting off 1, 2, 3, 4. She smiles and asks “really?” and he says “yeah”. She tells him that she has six toes on her left foot. He’s all excited and asks if he can see. Shut up, Morris! I was just considering actually liking you and now you have to go and be an asshole again. Actually, I should probably thank you, because I don’t have enough wine to deal with liking both you and Ray in the same episode. Tamara asks if he’s going to show her his nipples. He likes the way she thinks.

Ray and Liv are walking in the ambulance bay, where it’s snowing. He’s giving her instructions and telling her that she’ll have to have the cast removed and that any ER can do that. He tells her that there is an electronic ticket waiting for her at the airport and that it’s an Alaskan Airways flight that leaves at 7:30. She asks about her clothes and her school. Ray asks if she has the key to her house, she does. He tells her to give them to him and he’ll pack up her stuff and send it to her sister. He’s going to do what??? I’m not a cop but even I know that’s the “entering” part of “breaking and entering” and it’s illegal. He says that once she gets to San Francisco she needs to contact her school so they can transfer her grades. She thinks that if they do that, Teller will be able to find her. Ray tells her to send everything to him and he’ll forward it. Ray is way too involved in this. Isn’t he the least bit worried that he could still be brought up on a statutory rape charge? He gives her some money for the cab and some to get her started. She says that she can’t take his money. He says she can and not all of it is his because he got some of the richer doctors to kick in. Liv starts crying. He tells her that it’s going to be okay and that she’s going to live with her sister and San Francisco is a great city, and I’m with you on that, Ray. Cable cars, Rice-a-roni, Jelly Belly’s, Ghiardelli chocolate, and most importantly, wine country - what’s not to love? Liv asks him to come with her. He says that she knows that he can’t. She tells him that she’ll be 18 in three years, and he thinks she’ll have forgotten all about him by then, but she says that she won’t. We hear a man’s voice calling for Liv. It’s Teller. Ray rushes Liv into the taxi as Teller hurries over. She gets in and locks the door. Teller tries to open it and is yelling at her. Ray grabs him off and throws him to the ground, into a pile of trashbags as the cab takes off. Teller yells for her to wait and Ray tells him that she’s gone. Teller starts to get up, telling Ray that he’s going to kill him. Ray pushes him back down with his foot, and holds it on Teller’s chest, saying that he doesn’t think so. He tells Teller that the “first one was free, pal” and that his daughter is gone and that she’s never coming back. He threatens that if Teller bothers him or her again, Ray is going to have to use his extensive medical knowledge to mess him up real bad. Ray is more vapid vigilante than sexy avenging angel, like Luka was when he pummeled Brian for beating up Abby back in Season 8. Teller just looks at him as Ray pushes hard with his foot and then walks away.

Neela and Plank are still at the apartment. It’s dark so they’ve apparently been there a long time. Neela is still at the window and Plank is sitting on the drop-cloth covered sofa. Without looking at him, Neela says that she thought he joined the army so that it would pay for med school. He says he did. She thinks he’s put his time in, and he agrees, but says there is more to it. He tells her that he doesn’t expect her to understand. Really, Plank? She’s you’re wife, highly educated, and this ain’t the ‘50’s, so I doubt she’s just going to accept whatever you say and do without question. She wants him to explain it to her, because she really does want to understand this. He tells her that something happens over there, and he had a purpose. And being a doctor here has no purpose? Yeah, no wonder Neela’s not convinced, ‘cause that’s a little insulting. He says that his life had some clarity and he just can’t abandon those guys. Neela asks “but you can abandon me?” Good point, Neela. Plank doesn’t answer because he knows she’s right. She sits down next to him and says that she understands that there is camaraderie with those he serves with and she respects that. She thinks if he still feels the need to experience that he can volunteer at the VA hospital. He says that it’s not the same thing and there is a war going on. He thinks that people might like to forget that but he can’t and he can’t live with himself if he doesn’t go back. Plank is getting a little teary-eyed here, and it’s good to know that even blocks of wood can sometimes express emotion. Neela thinks they can both go. Huh? Nice sentiment, but I think you are taking your wifely duty just a little too far, Neela. But again, maybe that’s just me and my aforementioned aversion to, you know, dying and all. She says that she’ll volunteer with an NGO, which stands for National Global Network, or something. He tells her it is too dangerous and that’s the first sensible thing you’ve said all episode, Plank. Angrily, she responds that it’s too dangerous for her but it’s okay for him? She thinks that’s a load of crap. He points out that he’s a soldier. Well, he’s got you there, Neela. You know, guns … tanks … blow-up sex dolls. Neela reminds him that he is also a husband. Conveniently forgetting that one, aren’t you, Plank? Exasperated, she cries, “you asked me to marry you!” And I think he did more than that, Neela. Pestered you is more like it. She continues that he looked into her eyes and asked her to be his wife and to share a life together, and that they took vows, as tears roll down his cheeks. Uh oh, better be careful, Plank. Wood warps when wet. She wants to know what the hell was all of that, a whim? Um, well yeah, Neela, didn’t you get that? He says it wasn’t but she looks away towards the window, disbelieving. He says that he thought he could do this. I’m totally with Neela on her frustration because this is so not what she signed up for. He tells her that he thought of nothing else but coming home and making a life with her. If it is really what you wanted, you gave up a bit easily, didn’t you, Plank? He says that he tried to make it work. Well, it’s kind of only been like a month, Plank, and you haven’t been working as a doctor during that time, so can you honestly say that you’ve actually tried? Irritating. He says that he just can’t stay here knowing what is going on over there. He tells her he’s sorry and that she knows how much he loves her. Really, Plank? ‘Cause I still don’t get this incredible love that you two claim to have, and think it came out of the blue. Neela thinks that if he did, he wouldn’t do this. I usually hate ultimatums like that, but I understand where she’s coming from on this one. He tells her that if she loved him, she would understand that he has to. Neela says that maybe that’s the problem, “I love you, but I still don’t know you”. Exactly! Finally. Just realizing that, huh, Neela? I would feel sorry for you, if both Abby and I hadn’t tried to warn you about this, Neela. Inanimate objects may be pretty, but that doesn’t mean you should marry them.

Next on ER: repeat of the Season Opener – “Canon City”, aka “Sam and Luka’s Not So Excellent Adventure”, “Rocky Mountain Road Trip”, “Antelope Antics”, or “Croatian Beach Memoirs”.