Tuesday, May 09, 2006


Parents: Abigail Lockhart and Luka Kovac
Expected Due Date: May Sweeps

□ Any clothing brand but Carter’s
My First Scrubs™ - in Lab Green
Baby Uggs in Luka Blue II
□ Black turtlenecks
“Made in America with Croatian Parts” romper
□ Glow-in-the-dark onesies
“Future Fencer” bib

□ Celine Sends Baby (and Parents) to Sleep - Celine Dion
□ Womb Tunes – Jewel
□ Barry's Best Baby Bops – Barry Manilow

□ Liberace’s Lullabies – Liberace
□ Charo Croons Toddler Tunes – Charo

The Complete Baby Book of Meaningless and Subtle Anvils
Snowglobes and Compasses: The Complete Guide
Rats, Lice and History Board Book and squishy toy

□ Prancing Pony of Proper Perfection or Rocking Horse of Righteous Haughtiness (to match dad’s High Horse of Moral Superiority)
□ Squeaky elephant (any variety, size or shape)
□ Viper pedal car, complete with spark plugs and fuzzy dice
Grow to Pro 3-in-1 softball trainer, complete with the backwards-worn cap mom likes
□ Little doctor kit, complete with nurse’s uniform and lab coat, for switching back and forth
□ “Hamlet” puppet
□ Baby foosball table
Adam the Antelope plush stuffed animal
□ Bipolar Barbie, complete with washed-out blonde hair, eye-rolling and line-dancing action, her own hard-restraints and Haldol prescription
□ Red toy cell phone that plays “That’s great”
Pictionary, Jr.

□ don’t need – we keep the Salon pretty well stocked

□ Mobile – famous Croatian diplomats
□ Crib sheets – butterfly motif
□ Glass frog night light with iridescent bulb
□ Feather pillow
□ Baby CD player that plays “Copacabana”

Compass I400® Infant Car Seat, in any of the Luka Blue shades
Ocean Wonders Aquarium® Cradle Swing, complete with angel fish
□ Carbage-o-matic Diaper Disposal with plastic handled shopping bags
□ Minnesota Strolling Weather stroller
□ Cuervo Gold shaped baby bottles

□ “Baby’s First Christmas” ornaments made from motel coasters
□ Snowglobes – various; ones playing songs of unrequited love preferred
□ Pop Tart flavored baby food
□ Subscription to Martha Stewart: Baby magazine
□ Junior AA membership
□ Family Fun Pack Passes to the Ice Capades


At 7:38 AM, May 09, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a nice surprise to come upon latest post. I'm going to get shopping right away! LOL funny as usual.

At 12:27 PM, May 09, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cranky, you have outdone yourself. This is so hilarious and spot-on:

"Made in America with Croatian parts"-INDEED!

"Future Fencer"-HEE!

I'm still laughing! Thanks for being the highlight of my day for 2 days running. This is genius.

At 12:45 PM, May 09, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for this! I didn't expected it... What nice!

At 3:05 PM, May 09, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my neighbours keep on complaining 'cause am laughing and giggling too loud and covering the sound of their tele!!
absolutely awesome and next weekend will go shopping ...

At 4:01 PM, May 09, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

where do you get this things from? Hilarious...a great surprise...you're great!!!

At 5:41 PM, May 09, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where do you get these ideas from? So funny, but you know what? I know exactly what you're talking/writing about (b/c I've seen every scene - more than once I'm sure of that) Ah what are we going to do when ER goes off the air?

At 6:25 PM, May 09, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Glow in the dark onesies" - it took me five minutes to stop laughing and read the rest. What fun!

At 6:56 PM, May 09, 2006, Anonymous Eva said...

Omg. That was too hilarious. I nearly peed myself. Literally. Had to stop and go to the bathroom and come back to finish reading. Oh god. If I keep laughing like this, I won't have to do sit-ups, my abs will be in great shape. Fantastic! I love your little extras. They rock!

At 6:12 AM, May 10, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, I laughed at least 30 minutes at this! Freakin' hilarious! Best part was definitely 'Red toy cell phone that plays “That’s great”'. LOL!

At 1:46 PM, May 10, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so funny! Hubby wonders what on earth I'm laughing at!!

Thanks for an hilarious end to an otherwise boring day!

At 7:22 PM, May 10, 2006, Blogger janet said...

Ohmigosh! I didn't even get "Adam the Antelope" 'til a full day later! (Season 12, Episode 1: Cañon City, a.k.a. "I Wish I Were The Antelope")

Now that I've got my list, I'm off to do my virtual baby shopping...

At 10:51 AM, May 11, 2006, Anonymous faith said...





crack me up-

my baby is staring at me as if i've grown a second head or sth, i'm laughing so hard.

love you to death


At 6:24 PM, May 11, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey! Nice recaps!!! Hilarious!!
Just little curious, and I'm new at this so couldn't read all of the recaps, but... why are you so pissed off at Abby? Why don't like her at all?

At 6:53 PM, May 11, 2006, Blogger CrankyRecaps said...

Actually, I don't dislike her at all. The bashing is all in jest, really ... It's just that I'm a little ... well, okay, a lot jealous ... because she gets to ... you know ... do Luka after all. Bitch.

At 6:26 AM, May 13, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"bipolar barbie" -HEH!

At 1:37 PM, May 14, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very funny i don't get the frog or the Curveo gold thingy but otherwise than that its just plain funny.

At 1:22 AM, May 15, 2006, Anonymous Ann said...

I think the frog goes back to when Luka was trying to get Abby to guess what her Christmas present was - "it's not a glass frog". And the Cuervo? Well, I'm assuming it's a reference to Abby's drinking, when we know she drank the best part of a bottle of tequile one evening (and Carter, on discovering it, seemed to have no reaction whatsoever).

At 11:35 AM, May 15, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so clever. I'm such a geek (in a good way, of course) that I totally understand the majority of them except for one.

"Rats, Lice and History Board Book and squishy toy"


At 11:49 AM, May 15, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I belive Rats ,Lice and a history was a christmas present to Abby from Dubenko back in season 11.She was really creeped out by it ^^,

At 12:10 PM, May 15, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, she may have been creeped out, but it didn't keep her from having it on her bedside table in a later episode.

At 3:30 PM, May 15, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

^^Thanks for the help! I vaguely remember now. My attention really wandered during Season 11 (worst season ever?).

At 5:16 PM, May 15, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am Viviana, from Peru, I was reading this in the first floor of the company I work for, and people kept staring at me like I was a freaking alien when I get to the part of Bipolar Barbie, I just fell down from the chair, laughing and laughing, people started to feel worried about me, like I was getting mentally insane. I was just yelling OMG OMG, thats freaking hilarious, I cant take it anymore, and then I was on the floor with an attack of laugh. Well, you know how a think about your writing, you always make my day. Keep doing it and I hope you will have more ideas during the summer hiatus.

At 3:41 PM, October 01, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm Viviana AGAIN, and after 4 and half months from my last comment about the BABY REGISTRY I'm still laughing out loud, this time I'm at home, I don't want my boss to send me to the hospital for a Psych Consult again, he just doesn't get it.. that's all.

Well, I've been thinking that all the people who posted comments about it should pick a present to send it to Joe "MOJO" Kovac. I pick Bipolar Barbie with all its stuff.

Anyway, Cranky I hope you'll write more of this additionals besides your weekely cranky recap of the episodes, you know how much I appreciate your work. Keep the great work!!!!

Viviana Soto
Lima, Peru, Southamerica


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