Previously on CR ...

“Previously on CR” … Cranky actually and unbelievably got her recap for the Season Premiere, Bloodline, posted before the next ep aired; Well on her way to doing the same again this week, Cranky’s efforts were thwarted by the short people who live in her house and keep insisting on calling her “Mommy”; Cranky’s cruelly cursed creature children couldn’t counteract compulsions to clout Cranky’s computer with completely calamitous conclusion; While Cranky unreasonably took a few minutes for herself in a futile effort to make herself presentable to the outside world, the demon spawn played ball in the house despite explicit instructions to the dangers of said actions; Cranky’s lovely loquacious laptop, lucidly lonely, inadvertently joined the game, sacrificing itself in a valiant effort to save Cranky’s much beloved flat-screen television from becoming another victim of soccer violence; As the heroic hard drive hurled headfirst onto the floor, the jump drive that had been visiting its USB port used itself as a human shield, cushioning the blow and thus saving Cranky a mega-buck expensive repair or replacement, but sadly could not be salvaged itself; Cranky held a teary and emotional funeral for the memory stick that held the bulk of her current recap, as well as the last three episodes of yummy Jason Isaacs’ show Brotherhood and some irretrievable but not nearly as lamented items needed for that place where Cranky spends her weekdays and manages to eek out a meager living; In memory of the lost recap, Cranky vowed not only to deflate every soccer ball within the Tri-State area, but also to work what tiny amount of brain cells she may actually have retained after the conniption she suffered this morning to reconstructing the missing parts of what was surely a monumental masterpiece in as timely a manner as leaving on an overseas jaunt in the p.m. will allow …

“Next on CR” … Cranky’s pernicious progeny are put up for adoption and Cranky moves permanently into the Hair Salon to receive restorative deep cleansing and intensive moisturizing treatments from the Shampoo Boy.