ER 13.17 From Here to Paternity
Previously on ER: Sam’s son, New Alex, aka Newlex, aka Splinter for his wooden acting resemblance to Neela’s dead husband Gallant, aka Plank, is brought into the Ambulance Bay in a police car in the first instance of what I’m sure will become a regular everyday occurrence; Sam yells at Splinter that he can’t break and steal things as Splinter makes like a tree … because he is one; Sarah, aka Deej because she reminds of one of the Full House Tanner girls, asks Intern Tony Gates, aka John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House, but much more accurately known by me as Uncle Ego, or McEgo, whether he’s going to make her go live with her grandparents; McEgo tries to tell Neela that being an asshole was who he used to be but it’s not who he is now but Neela obviously doesn’t buy that because it cannot possibly be true; Neela tells Dubenko that she won’t be a part of a transplant surgery that she finds unethical and a pissy Dubenko tells OR Shirley to have Surgical Chief Resident Crenshaw, aka Moby because of his hairless head, “get me a surgeon who actually wants to operate”; Neela shows up at Ike’s just as Ray is about to leave but he, of course, changes his mind and stays; Pratt confronts his old friend Darnell and asks whether his “drunk ass” hit a kid, which I guess gives new meaning to the terms “fender bender” and “backseat driver”; Darnell is taken away in handcuffs and his son KJ, the volunteen, asks Pratt, “My dad’s going away, isn’t he?”; A totally upbeat “happy inside” Abby, on a “natural high”, tells Luka that “A secret engagement will be fun” as he looks at her, not knowing if she’s serious or not.
A ski-masked guy is pushing a snow blower through the mounds of snow outside of the
Neela and Ray are in the Curtain Area, rolling an elderly lady with some nasty looking bedsores. Yuck. Ray tells Neela that the Aging Abscess needs IV antibiotics and debridement. Neela says that they’ll admit the Timeworn Tumor and do it in the OR, then tells the Creaky Canker that they’re going to admit her so they can fix the Fossilized Festering. Dubenko, wearing a rather nice lavender shirt with white stripes, walks up with Moby and some girl in a labcoat behind him. Hey, wait … that chick’s been on this show before. She was one of the teenage twits that asked Abby if the “bruise” on her neck was from meningitis like Katie O had in Out on a Limb last season. Dubenko introduces Neela as “the esteemed Dr. Neela Rasgotra” and tells Neela to meet “Mae Lee Park”, their new surgical med student. Wow, who gave teen twit that hickey … Doogie Howser? That must have been some lovebite to propel her through high school, college, and into med school, all in one year. Neela holds out her hand and tells Lovebite how nice it is to meet her. In a little girl voice, Lovebite tells Neela that she’s heard a lot about her. Neela hopes it was all good, and Moby snidely chimes in “more or less” and how they left out the part about Neela being their unwanted ER stepchild. Hee. And it looks like Moby’s come out of the closet … Luka’s closet, that is … because he’s wearing one of Luka’s signature colors, Luka Blue, The Original. Normally, I would lay a smackdown on him about it, but his pursuing pilfering part of the Pretty’s profusely phenomenal, plenteously pleasing perfection is a perfectly pathetic, positively preposterous proposition, and I’m enjoying laughing at him too much. Since they’re not bothering to introduce Ray, he waves his hand and tells Lovebite his name. Dubenko’s all impressed by Lovebite as he tells Neela how she published a paper with “Dr. Zimmer” up at UCSF, and adds how he jumped at the opportunity to “snap her up” as he grins goofily at Lovebite. Oh, jeez. Guess Lucien wants to love bite Lovebite, too. Dubenko says that this pretty much wraps up their official tour and Lovebite lickspittles how she so much appreciates him taking the time. Dubenko’s all flattered by this frippery and is all smilingly telling her how it’s his pleasure as Neela and Ray smirk in the background. Dubenko checks his watch and says that they should probably get out of there. He and Lovebite start to walk away and Neela stops Moby from following by telling him that she needs him to sign off on her obstructed CF as they both watch Dubenko and Lovebite. Lovebite is still ass-kissing about how she’s never seen some such procedure and Neela calls after them “Yeah, me neither … sounds cool”, but they pay no attention to her and keep walking. Neela tells Moby that she didn’t know they were getting a new Sub-I, and he’s all mockingly, “Really? Well, I’m shocked you weren’t notified” and tells her that she should bring that up at her next “plebe rally” and to add it to her list of demands. He hands her back the chart and takes off, saying something smartass in a foreign language over his shoulder, but I don’t catch it, and since this scene doesn’t involve Luka, I really don’t care.
Abby and Intern Hope Bobeck, aka Busy Philipps, aka Kim Kelly from Freaks and Geeks are in the Curtain Area with a big haired woman who has a swollen face. Abby asks Big Hair where she works and she says “Connie’s Cakes”, then simultaneously both bitching and psyched about it, tells them that “The place is like
As Abby heads over to the Desk, Pratt is on the radio telling them “We’ll be ready”. Abby asks him to sign off on her food allergy. Ray says that he needs one on his “bum cycle”. Oh, that’s way too much information, because I so don’t need to know about anyone cycling your ass, Ray. Unless he said “bum-sicle”, in which case … way too much information and I really don’t need to know about anyone licking your ass either, Ray. And Pratt’s gotta sign off on that??? Ewww. Pratt tells them that they’ve got choppers coming in and that a family crashed in the blizzard and were trapped in their car for two days. Yikes.
Elevator opens and a Flight Nurse is bringing in the first crash victim, the mom, whose face is banged up a bit and she’s got a neck brace on, her head strapped to the gurney. Flight Nurse gives them the bullet and tells Ray that Crash Mom probably has a dislocated hip. As they wheel her down the hall, Ray calls for an EKG, x-rays of pelvis, right hip, femur, c-spine and chest. Crash Mom is calling back to someone, “
Walking through an apartment with lots of boxes all around, Sam tells Splinter that she marked his initials on the backs of all of the tags. Sitting at the table eating some kind of nuts and twigs cereal, Splinter bitches that he can keep track of his own clothes. Sam knows that and she says it’s for the other kids. That’s a good move, Sam. It always helps with classification purposes when trees are identified with tags … Splinter tells her that “this is really gonna suck”. Well, eating breakfast food made out of your relatives really does kind of suck, Splinter. Sam thinks if he keeps saying that, it will. Looking on the bright side, Sam tells him that they have a good soccer team and an indoor pool. I don’t know if that’s such a good thing for him, Sam, since shrubbery really needs the sunlight. Like the log he is, Splinter just sits there. Sam tries to tell him that it’s only a couple of hours away and she’s going to visit every weekend. Splinter sporting that really bad Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids Dumb Donald hat-resembling hairdo – and it really is Dumb Donald, not Mushmouth like they kept saying in the “Zoso” episode of NewsRadio when Beth made those hats and then asked for Jimmy’s help to negotiate a deal with George Hamilton’s Don Green mafia-type to buy them, and then Lisa tried to use the same negotiation tactics on Dave to attempt to get a raise so she could give the money to her ex-boyfriend, Stuart, so his band could record the song “Come Back, Lisa” … Come back, Lisa … you little love killer … Come back, Lisa … Lisa, Lisa Miller” … Good times … Splinter is all “Yeah, like that should help”, and gets up and leaves, because he has his own root problems to deal with and he can’t take on Sam’s sprouting-out-of-her-part-line dark ones on, too. He slams the door to his room, leaving Sam to mate with her Botox-inducing scowl as we move into funky opening graphic montage.
Busy bursts into the Exam Room and tells Pratt that she has more saline. He grabs a bag from her and says that Crash Dad lost his shivering response. Abby checks Crash Dad’s eyes and says that his pupils are sluggish, but reactive. She asks Crusty, “They were out there for two days?” Crusty tells her that they were trapped in the car after they veered off the road and skidded into a ditch. He says that the road they were traveling on was supposed to be closed for the winter up at
Morris and Dawn are in the Curtain Area with the curtain drawn around one of the beds as Morris seems to be extracting some kind of makeshift butt plug, tube-y thingy from a middle-aged bald guy’s ass. Lovely. You know, I’ve been fantasizing about an ass extraction on this show all season … of course, mine involved calling Pest Exterminators and Animal Control … And as if even the possibility of seeing McFungus in this ep weren’t enough to already make me nauseous, Morris holds up the tube with his shit-smeared gloved fingertips. Yuck. Morris drops the tube into a baggie held open by a none-too-happy Nurse Dawn. He asks her to please tell “Mr. Morales”, who I guess is the Ass Man, that there are things that he can buy that won’t get stuck up there. Really, Morris? Like what? Gerbils? And how would you know? Dawn shoots him a “Say what???” look and Morris explains, “You know … With like a wide base or string attached …” Dawn and I are both thinking this is waaaay too much information, as the Ass Man rolls over onto his back. Dawn says that her Spanish “definitely ain’t that good”. Hee. Morris looks at the Ass Man, and addresses him, “Uh … Senor …” then cocking his leg and lifting it, points to his own butt and says “Este una salida …”. My Spanish is a bit rusty but I’m pretty sure that means “Hey, sailor … Looking for a good time?” … Actually, it means, “This is an exit”. Wagging his finger at the Ass Man, Morris continues “No entrada”. The Ass Man holds his hands up and shrugs like he doesn’t understand that means “No entrance”, but I’m sure he’s just playing dumb because he got a gander at the superiority of the other merchandise in the ER, and decided that he’d definitely hold out for a certain comely Croatian … Yeah, get to the back of the line, Ass Man. You know, if you really don’t want to wait … and honestly, I don’t think you have that many years left in you and it still wouldn’t even be remotely near your turn … and you’re not afraid of infectious diseases, I’m sure McInfestation could accommodate you immediately,
Morris heads up to Admit where Luka is standing at the Board. Luka asks him, “Hey, Morris … You still use that travel agent?” Morris tells him yeah and that “Angie” is the best, then asks if Luka’s going to go somewhere. Not very convincingly, Luka tells him, “Uh … Just need to get away from the cold”. Morris tells Luka that he’ll give him her number. As Sam walks by, Morris complains that his ankle guy is still waiting for his posterior splint. Sam bitches, “Do I look like a magician?” No, but I’d be happy if one would make you disappear, Sam. Sam nastily tells that it’ll be done when it’s done and that he’ll be the first to know. Frank tells Morris to “tread lightly” because Sam’s been “barking” since she got there. Oh, that’s just too easy … not even going to touch that one … Sam hears him and asks “What, do you want some, too?” as she heads away from the desk. Luka, who’s observed all of this, calls after her and asks her quietly if everything’s okay. In a much nicer tone, Sam tell him that she’s fine, but Luka doesn’t buy it and touches her arm, looking at her questioningly. As they walk, she tells him that she’s going to send Splinter away to a school for At Risk Trees … er, “teens”. She explains, “You know, for emotional problems and stuff”. Luka thinks that might be good because Splinter’s dealt with a lot. Like tree rot. Trying to sound more okay with it than she is, Sam agrees, “Yeah”. Luka touches her arm again, getting her to face him. Luka just looks at her with an expression encouraging her to talk to him. Sam admits to him what’s really bothering her, that she just can’t help but feel like she’s giving up on him. Luka smiles and tells her reassuringly, “We both know that’s not true”. Sam nods, looking like she wants to believe him, and says “yeah” as he touches her shoulder comfortingly ... then says, “You know, I’m a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump” ... I should really be all over the fact that Sam should never be allowed to have any physical contact whatsoever with The Pretty, but that was a nice scene, showing that even though their relationship was a freakin’ train wreck that went on way too long, they’ve been able to maintain a bit of a friendship, where Luka shows that he still cares about what happens to her and Splinter, and where Sam is able to reveal the truth to the only person who truly knows and understands all that she and her son have been through.
Zadro the Paramedic calls over to Luka and Sam, “A little help here!” They hurry over as Zadro tells him that the guy on the gurney is Mario Dunstan, 42, single GSW to the left chest. Luka asks Mario how he’s doing and Mario says that it hurts to breathe. Sam and Zadro give the vitals as Luka lifts up the field dressing to check Mario’s wound and I notice the nice cufflinks he’s wearing. Maybe that’s what Abby gave him for Valentine’s … Bitch … Though I would have expected that she would have gotten him a nice salon-type gift set of Jonathan Product, seeing as how I’m sure they never missed an episode of Blow Out, but probably are now addicted to Shear Genius … Bitch … Mario asks how “the other dude” is and Zadro tells Luka that they have another guy coming in right behind them. Luka tells Sam to call x-ray for a portable and to set him up for a chest tube. No need to have Sam do that, Luka. I’d be happy to tube your chest … or anywhere else you’d like … Just saying … Call me … Luka tells Morris to take Mario to Trauma Two, then signals Dawn to come with him to bring in the Other Dude. Bardelli the Paramedic tells Luka that Other Dude is Donnie Morris, 17, and he took a bullet to the right temple, no exit. Yikes. That sucks, Other Dude. Luka starts rubbing Other Dude’s chest and saying his name, but Other Dude doesn’t respond, though Luka says that he’s making purposeful hand movements. Luka tells Dawn to hold CT and an OR and says quietly, but not sounding very hopeful, “This guy may have a chance”. I highly doubt that, Luka, seeing as how you’re wheeling him into Trauma Yellow, which is really like the Roach Motel, where Roaches Check In, But They Don’t Check Out … I wonder if Black Flag could make a Roadkill Motel …
Speaking of the McPest, he’s standing by the open driver’s side door of his red Ford truck as some older guy thanks him for lending it to him. Older Guy gets behind the wheel as McEgo, wearing a McStocking cap, tells him that he’ll see him later tonight and that he shouldn’t be too late. As Older Guy buckles his seatbelt, McEgo spots Deej in the passenger seat and berates her for being there, telling her to let her grandmother sit in front. An older lady in the backseat, who must be the GrandDeejMother, tells him that it’s fine and it makes her feel like she’s being chauffeured. You must not get out much GrandDeejMother if your idea of being driven in style is McEgo’s McPaltry McPickup. Deej is wearing some horrendous knit cap with a brim, which GrandDeejMother must have crocheted herself because I really doubt there’s any way a self-respecting teen would be caught dead in that. Nice, GrandDeejMother. Noticed the one you’re sporting is at least passable, but you make the grandkid wear the castoff. Considering that we may find out that she was McSpawned, I guess I can be with you on the remitting of the reject, GrandDeejMother. McEgo tells Deej to be good, and admonishes her, “Don’t steal any paintings”, to which she sasses, “Don’t kill any patients”. Hee. McEgo of course thinks that he’s allowed “one a day”. Nice, McEgo. That’s your multivitamin, not your killing quota, McKevorkian. And I always thought you had more of a “manure layer” than “manslayer” look …
Morris is cutting Mario’s chest to place the chest tube and Sam is handing him instruments. A couple of cops walk in and tell Mario that they need to ask him a few questions, but he thinks he’s a little preoccupied at the moment. Hee. A cop in a crewcut who reminds me of Titus, wants to know “What kinda beef you got with your 2-9’er buddy?” Mario, who’s all attitude and is just as cryptically tattooed as a Leonard in Memento, wants to know what they’re “sweatin’ “ him for, because he didn’t do anything but get shot. He thinks they need to get out there an arrest somebody. Titus asks him if he’s got anybody in mind. Mario asks how he should know and reminds them that they’re the ones who are cops. Morris wants Titus and his partner to let them work and reminds them that Mario isn’t going anywhere. Titus and Partner leave and Mario thanks Morris, but Morris tells him “That was for me, not you”. Sam asks Mario how many times he’s been shot and he says that it makes eight. Sam’s all impressed, and I’m thinking that given her freaky felon fetish, you’d better watch out, Mario. Morris is still working on sewing in the chest tube as Sam checks the output and says that it’s only 200 cc’s. Morris tells Mario that it looks like he didn’t bag a main vein and that he’s one lucky guy. Mario quips that he’s what they call “Black Irish”.
Looking at Crash Dad’s monitor, Abby tells Pratt that “He’s having a lot of ectopy”, which is a disturbance of the electrical conduction system of the heart, in which beats arise from the wrong part of the heart muscle, and leads to serious arrhythmia. Thanks, Wikipedia. Like Michael Scott said on The Office, “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know that you’re getting the best possible information.” Pratt says that the “QRS is wild” and wants to know what Crash Dad’s temp is. Malik says that it’s down to 84. Crash Mom, who’s had the neck brace removed, asks what’s happening. Pratt explains that Crash Dad is vassal dilating, which means that the colder blood from his extremities is lowering his core temp. Crash Mom calls over to Little Miss Sunshine, who assures her mom that she’s okay. Busy is injecting something into a wound on Little Miss Sunshine’s head. Crash Mom tells her that she’s a good girl and not to worry because they’re going to find her brother and that they’re all going to be okay. Ray is struggling to get Crash Mom’s hip back in place, and climbs up on the gurney to try to get better leverage. Pratt comes over to help, but Ray is able to get it from this position and there’s a lovely crunch sound as it happens. Ugh. Just then, Crash Dad’s monitors start going crazy and Pratt says that he’s in v-fib. Malik starts CPR as Abby tells Ray to charge the paddles to 200. Little Miss Sunshine watches all of this, frightened. Abby shocks Crash Dad, but there’s no change. Little Miss Sunshine asks Busy what they’re doing and Busy tells her that her mom’s asleep so that they can fix her hip and right now they’re trying to help her dad’s heart as Abby zaps him again. Abby says that he’s still in v-fib and to charge to 300. Little Miss Sunshine starts calling out worriedly “Dad!” Pratt tells Busy to move Little Miss Sunshine into the hallway so that she doesn’t have to watch this. Busy unlocks the gurney and as she moves her, tells Little Miss Sunshine that they’ve got to “let them work”, but Little Miss Sunshine wants to stay and keeps yelling “Dad!” as they exit the room. Abby uses the paddles again, there’s still no change, and she tells a Random Nurse to push 1 milligram of epi, as Little Miss Sunshine’s gurney is placed outside in the hallway, but she’s still able to watch through the window. Ray says that Crash Dad can’t stay in v-fib for much longer. Abby shocks him one more time as someone finally drops the blinds and closes them so that a scared Little Miss Sunshine can no longer see what’s going on.
Titus is telling Morris that Mario got out of Stateville a few weeks ago and that his street name is “Monster”. Monster??? Well, you know, for that type of experiment to really be deemed a success, all of his body parts must be enlarged. His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs would all have to be increased in size … And it goes without saying that he would have an enormous schwanzstucker … And be very popular … And very Pretty … Woof … Morris thinks this Monster’s a real “O.G.” I don’t know about that, Morris. I really don’t think “Puttin’ on the Ritz” is that popular to rap for original gangstas … Partner says that Monster did 20 years for a gang-related shooting where he left a kid paralyzed. Really? I thought that totally annoying “Oh, I love my pretty little flower” kid got paralyzed when Monster sat on the other side of the teeter-totter, thus propelling her into the air and through the open window into her bedroom, where she landed in her bed. Good times. Morris thinks that if Monster remains stable, they can talk to him soon and heads back into Trauma Green, the color making it a pretty good bet that he will stabilize. Sam tells Morris that the chest tube output is still 250. Morris tells Monster that he collapsed a lung, there’s minor bleeding and it should take about three days to heal. He then says that the cops need to ask Monster some questions. Monster wants to know what for because he doesn’t have any answers. Morris tells him that he’s already done 20 years, maybe if he cooperates, they’ll be lenient. Monster wants to know what they need to be lenient for – he didn’t do anything. Morris thinks he should tell the cops who did do it, but Monster, obviously lying, says that he didn’t see who did it. Morris scoffs, “Oh, so you were just an innocent bystander? Okay, ‘Monster’, suit yourself”. Monster tells him that his name is pronounced “Fronkensteen”, but Morris can call him “Mario” or “Mr. Dunstan”, whichever he prefers. Over Morris’ shoulder, through the doors into Trauma Yellow which just conveniently happen to be open, we see Dawn bagging and McEgo doing CPR on Other Dude while Luka is looking at the chart. He calls over to Morris, who hands Monster’s chart to Sam, then heads into the other trauma. We see Morris over bagging for Dawn as Sam pulls the blanket up further on Monster and asks if he needs anything. He doesn’t. He looks over at Other Dude, who’s not looking so good and asks Sam if he’s going to be alright. She looks over, too, then tells Monster that she doesn’t know. Morris calls out to Sam and asks if she can give them a hand in there, which is really weird considering that Luka doesn’t seem to really be doing anything … again. Is it like last ep where it seemed that maybe his hand still hasn’t completely healed yet from Bird forcing the vicious vise-gripping of it in Murmurs of the Heart? Monster watches them work on Other Dude. Through the window, he spots another gurney being wheeled by, and follows its progress with interest. As the other gurney is being wheeled into Sutures, Monster thinks he knows who it is and questions “Junior?” Realizing that it really is who he thought, Monster exclaims “Junior!” and tries to jump up out of bed to get to him. Morris sees him and rushes over, shouting for him to lay down, because he’s going to pull the chest tube out. Monster keeps going, holding his chest and trying to make his way to “Junior”. Morris yells for Sam to call Security. Morris tries to stop Monster, who pushes him away. Morris gets a better hold of him and shouts “Get Security, NOW!!!” as Monster cries out “That’s my son!” Morris forces him back to the gurney as Monster keeps yelling “Junior! Junior!”
After commercial, Monster is much more calm. Wonder if they gave him a seda-give? Monster asks Morris if Junior is alright. Morris pointedly tells him that they found Junior unconscious at the bottom of some stairs, not far from where they found him. Monster ignores Morris’ implications and asks again if Junior’s alright. Morris says that they won’t know until after the CT and that Junior took a pretty hard blow to the head. He asks Monster, “And you still have absolutely no idea what happened?” We hear monitors beeping like crazy again and Luka curse, “Damn it!” Morris heads into the other trauma as McEgo says that Other Dude’s in v-fib again. Luka tells Dawn to charge the paddles to 360. McEgo holds compressions and tells Luka that Other Dude blew a pupil. Luka shocks Other Dude, but there’s no change and McEgo starts CPR again. Luka calls for another amp of epi and asks McEgo, “Dr. Gates, why is this patient in brain stem failure?” As he compresses Other Dude’s chest, McEgo answers with a bunch of medical jargon that I couldn’t be bothered to transcribe since it’s evident from the color of the room alone, never mind the brain stem failing stuff, that Other Dude’s dead. Besides, The Pretty is looking, as if there were ever any doubt, mighty pretty in his Luka Blue III shirt, the powder blue with the white stripes. Yum. Of course, not so sure about the tie/shirt combo with the stripe on stripe thing going on, but the loveliness is such that I so don’t care. Luka calls for the paddles to be charged again, then zaps Other Dude as McEgo McChimes in, “This guy’s a goner”. Luka ignores the McDiagnosis, because he knows we are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind, and tries once more, ordering another round of epi and to charge to 360 again. He shocks Other Dude again, but when there’s no change, says “Okay, that’s it”. Peeling off his gloves, Luka tells Dawn to clear the room and to have Social Work try to locate Other Dude’s family. As he’s about to head out, he tells McEgo to “call it” and McDrDeath pronounces the time as “11:12 am”. Morris looks back over at Monster, who was watching all of this. Monster keeps looking as they disconnect Other Dude from the machines, then closes his eyes sadly and turns his head away. Monster looks over towards Sutures at Junior, whose head is still strapped to the gurney. Morris keeps watching Monster, trying to figure it all out.
In the hallway, Busy is asking Little Miss Sunshine how her head feels. Little Miss Sunshine responds, “Throbby”. Busy assures her that will go away and asks if she can get her anything … and would she care for a warm brandy before retiring. Little Miss Sunshine says “No, thank you”. Busy suggests “Some warm milk … perhaps?”, but Little Miss Sunshine answers “No … thank you very much. No, thanks”. Busy tries once more, “Ovaltine!”, but an annoyed Little Miss Sunshine just wants Busy to say goodnight so retorts, “NOTHING! Thank you! I’m a little … tired” … Little Miss Sunshine’s not interested in hot chocolate or Jell-o, she just wants to know if her dad is going to die. Busy sits down next to her on the gurney and tells her there are some “great doctors” working very hard right now to make sure that doesn’t happen. Well, seeing as McSelfLove McSuperDoc is not in there, I don’t know how you can possibly say “great” and “doctors” in the same sentence, Busy. Considering he’s already met his death allotment for the day, maybe he should get in there so your dad will have a sporting chance, eh, Little Miss Sunshine? Busy thinks Little Miss Sunshine needs to try and think positive thoughts. Busy says that she can tell that Little Miss Sunshine is a tough little girl. I would think she’d have to be to perform that dance routine to Super Freak in front of the pissy pre-teen pageant crowd, Busy. Ray is wheeling Crash Mom into the hallway, telling her that her hip is back in place. Crash Mom says that it feels much better. Spotting Little Miss Sunshine, she smiles and asks if she’s okay. Abby comes out of the Exam Room as they’re about to wheel Crash Mom back in. Abby tells her that they’re going to need her consent for a procedure on her husband. Crash Mom asks what kind of procedure and Abby tells her that there’s a problem with his heart as they head into the room. Crash Mom “Oh my God’s” it and calls over to Little Miss Sunshine that she’ll be right back. Pratt is doing CPR on Crash Dad. He tells Crash Mom that her husband’s heart has stopped beating from it being too cold and they need to perform a procedure called a thoracotomy. Crash Mom wants to know what that is so Abby explains that it’s a procedure where they cut open his chest and they’re going to pour warm water directly onto his heart. Looking scared, Crash Mom thinks that sounds dangerous as Abby and Ray look at her expectantly. She asks if there’s another way and Pratt tells her that it’s not a standard procedure, but it’s the fastest way to get Crash Dad’s temperature up and Abby says that’s why they need her consent. Panicking, Crash Mom says that she doesn’t know and hopefully thinks that maybe they can wait until he wakes up to ask. Abby looks at her sympathetically as Ray says that right now the risk of dying from hypothermia would probably be greater than the risk of this procedure. Crash Mom doesn’t think she can do this. Pratt tells her that they can’t do this without her permission and wants to know what her husband would want. Crash Mom starts to shake her head like she doesn’t know when Pratt asks her, “Is he a fighter?” She smiles a little as she says that he is. Pratt looks at her levelly and says “Then sign the consent”.
Neela walks up to Admit, where McEgo is standing. He says “hey”, which she returns then says that she hasn’t seen him and he tells her “Yeah, I’ve been buried”. Alright, who’s the freakin’ idiot who exhumed him? Damn … Neela says that she’s knackered and asks if he wants to get lunch later. He bitches “Kovac has me on scut patrol”. Well, you are an unequivocally indecent derelict and a decadent, soul-destroying mediocrity afflicted with mental retardation and rabies, McEgo, so I would think dirty work would be right up your alley. Neela, whose own mental capacity has been so obviously afflicted by the known fact that John Stamos Has Rabies, asks if maybe they can get together after his shift. Ugh. McEgo, forgetting that he’s McLoaned the McEgoMobile to the GrandDeejParents, tells her that he’ll drive her home. Busy comes up and tells Neela that she’s needed in Trauma One. She tells McEgo that she’ll see him later, as they re-infect each other with the Egola virus by touching outstretched hands as she walks away.
Morris walks up to Admit and hands Luka a slip of paper with “Angie’s” number and says that she’s expecting Luka’s call. Luka tells him, “Thanks, Archie”. Morris says that Angie said she has some great family resort hook-ups, “fun for the Gremlin”, swimming with dolphins, waterslides – because that’s so the type of stuff you do with kids under one year old. Busy is watching this exchange with interest. Instead of laying the smackdown on Morris for insulting his son, Mongo Joe Kovac, Luka embraces the nickname from those cheesy ‘80’s movie monsters, and tells him, in that sweet syntax slipping way he has sometimes, “Uh … we may not be bringing ... Gremlin …”, then kind of grins purposely at Morris. Morris gets it and does that little “you old so-and-so” fake stomach punching guy bonding thing, “O-o-oh, a little kickstart to the old postpartum lovelife … I feel ya, Big Guy … Alright”. Luka walks away, still grinning. Morris calls over to Frank that he’s going to be “getting my caffeine on” if anyone’s looking for him. He starts to head out and Busy rushes up to walk with him. She asks if Luka is going on vacation and Morris says “yeah” and guesses that it’s a little “romantic getaway” … Bitch … As they enter into the Ambulance Bay, Busy links arms with Morris and excitedly says, “They’re getting married!” Morris just looks at her as they walk, and she fills him in that Abby was asking about wedding cakes this morning and “that little getaway smacks of ‘honeymoon’ “. A doubtful Morris asks “Have you met Abby Lockhart? Not exactly the marrying kind”. Hee. And, um, seeing as she was married before, hence the “Lockhart”, I think that she actually is the “marrying kind”, Morris. Busy agrees with me, insisting, “We’re female … we’re all the marrying kind …” Well, maybe not Janet Reno, Busy … Busy tells him “I can smell a wedding a mile away, Archie”. What’s a wedding smell like? Teen Spirit? Or maybe because Luka and Abby finally getting married is like a victory to all of the long-time viewers who persevered through a lot of crap, it smells like Napalm in the morning …
Despite his efforts to avoid it, Crash Dad’s in Trauma Yellow now. Oh, sorry, Crash Dad. Abby is cutting open his chest as Ray bags, saying that Crash Dad’s still in v-fib and has no pulse. Abby calls for the rib spreaders and Pratt hands them to her. Abby places them in the incision and Pratt turns the crank, cracking open Crash Dad’s chest. Lovely. Pratt tells Abby that as the lung deflates, try to feel for the heart. Abby tells him that she can’t feel it, and there’s no effusion. Pratt tells her that’s good and now she can start internal compressions. Malik walks in pushing a cart of what look like water bottles and says that he’s got the first ten liters. Little Miss Sunshine, in her hospital gown, comes into the room. Ray spots her and tells Pratt. Pratt asks how she got in there and she answers “The door”. Hee. Pratt just looks at her as Ray asks if he’s ready for the saline. Pratt tells him to pour in the first liter and to get suction ready, then heads over to Little Miss Sunshine. Pratt helps her on to a stool, telling her to turn around because she shouldn’t see this. We hear the sound of water pouring as Ray tells Pratt that the first liter is going in. Little Miss Sunshine looks over her shoulder at the table. Pratt gently grabs her by the shoulders to get her to turn around. She does, then asks him what they’re doing to her dad. Pratt tells her that they’re pouring warm water in his heart to help him fight off the cold. Little Miss Sunshine tells him “This is all my mom’s fault”, but Pratt says that they were in an accident and it’s nobody’s fault. Little Miss Sunshine goes on that Crash Mom was driving and that she and Crash Dad were fighting. Pratt tries to claim that families fight and it doesn’t mean that --, but Little Miss Sunshine interrupts to tell him that they were fighting because Crash Mom “cheated”. What, on your driving test, Crash Mom? Is that why you went all Toonces the Driving Cat with your car? Little Miss Sunshine tells Pratt “that’s why they’re getting a divorce”. Guess you never should have assumed she could drive, huh, Crash Dad … Busy comes in the room, all glad that she’s found Little Miss Sunshine. She apologizes to Pratt and tells him that she came back out and Little Miss Sunshine was gone. Busy tells her that Crash Mom is asking for her, but Little Miss Sunshine says that she wants to stay with her dad. Pratt sighs, then tells a surprised Busy to tell Crash Mom that Little Miss Sunshine will be fine. Busy heads out as Neela crashes in like all arrogant surgeons by announcing “I’m here”. Ugh. The Egola virus has done more than just pickle Neela’s brain, it’s soured her personality as well. I know you’re all preoccupied with your kid and with receiving all those extensive moisturizing treatments from your Shampoo Boy in your home Hair Salon, Abby … Bitch ... But you really need to get involved here and save your best friend from herself … and communicable diseases … before it’s too late and she’s become Neela RasEgotra … Pratt tells Abby to keep up with the internal compressions and for sterile sixes to go to Neela. Still standing with Little Miss Sunshine but keeping an eye on what’s going on with Crash Dad, Pratt asks her if she’s expecting a call as she starts playing with her cell phone. She says that she keeps texting her brother Spencer but he hasn’t written back yet. Pratt nods sadly at this as we hear the internal paddles being charged and Neela shocks Crash Dad. Ray happily announces “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a rhythm and a pulse” as Dubenko and Lovebite walk in. He takes the chart from Pratt and asks if this is the father from the family that got rescued and Pratt says it is. Hearing Dubenko’s voice, Neela looks over at him. Pratt fills Dubenko in on what they’ve done so far. Dubenko asks why Crash Dad’s chest is open and Abby sort of proudly tells him that bypass wasn’t available so they did a thoracotomy for rapid re-warming. Lovebite questions if that was really necessary and Abby gives her an “Excuse me?” face. Neela says “Well, we got a rhythm back” as she and Abby share a “Who the hell does this chick think she is?” look. Dubenko tells them that he’ll close Crash Dad up and says to suction fluids from the chest and cover the incision so they can take him to the OR. Neela asks him if he wants her to scrub in, but he tells her it won’t be necessary and it’s a good teaching case for Lovebite. Damn, Dubenko decidedly dissed her. Is he still pissed about her refusal to do the transplant surgery? Dubenko tells her to stay down and finish her consults as Neela looks after him, a little stung. Abby gives her a “So, you mind telling me what that was all about?” look.
Morris walks back into Trauma Green and asks Sam what’s going on. Sam says that Monster wanted to talk to his son so she was giving them a few minutes. Dawn sticks her head in and tells Morris that the cops want to know if they can talk to Junior. He tells them that it’s fine and moves over to the doorway where Monster’s gurney is parked parallel to Junior’s. Morris starts to move his bed back, and Monster bitches that he wasn’t finished yet. Morris tells him that the police need to talk to his son and Monster wants to know what for. Sam explains that his son was found at the scene and the cops think he may be involved. Monster yells over to Junior not to say anything and that everything’s going to be alright. Junior gripes, “Stop calling me that, man!” as another random nurse closes the door to the Suture Room. Morris tells Monster that they still have to wait for the CT, but so far it looks like Junior’s just got a mild concussion and his guess is that Junior’s fine. Monster nods at him, appreciatively. Morris wants to know if Junior told Monster what happened today and Monster just says that he fell down some stairs. Morris questions this, but Monster doesn’t say anything else as we hear Titus tell Junior that he’s only making this harder on himself. Monster keeps watching as the cops keep pushing Junior to say something. Another random nurse starts moving Junior’s gurney as the cops walk beside it, not relenting with the questioning. Monster wants to know where they’re taking Junior and Morris says that he’s going to CT. As they pass by the open Trauma Green doors, Titus tells Junior how they heard that he got into it with Other Dude. Monster watches this worriedly and trying to sit up, wants to know why the cops won’t just leave Junior alone. Morris and Sam try to get him to lay down so he doesn’t pull the chest tube out, but Monster’s agitated. He yells out to the cops to get their attention and wants them to come talk to him. Cops want to know what he wants. Monster asks them forcefully if they want a statement and Partner says sarcastically “Oh, now you’re ready to talk”. Monster tells them that he’s the one who shot Other Dude with a 9 mm, and he “Would have capped his ass again, too, but they got me before I could”. Damn. Titus asks Monster “You shot him?” and Monster, with a steely gaze, responds “Yeah, that’s right”, then asks “What’d I stutter?” Monster tells them to go on and ask him the questions for their little report as the camera closes in on Morris, who looks like he doesn’t know what to make of this confession.
Abby’s on the phone at Admit when Pratt comes up. She’s saying into the phone that they’re treating the “Paxon family” and asks for Search and Rescue to contact them at County if there’s any information, then gives her name and spells it for them before hanging up without thanking them. Nice manners, Abby. Pratt wants to know if they’ve found Spencer yet, but Abby just shakes her head. Busy comes through the doors carrying a tray of coffees and tells them she went on a latte run. She says “I remembered how much you like extra cinnamon, Abby” and that she’ll put them in the breakroom. Abby tells her thank you. Guess you’re all down with the rules of etiquette when you get a special made-to-order latte out of it, huh, Abby? Pratt starts to walk away, but Morris calls after him and asks if he’s got a minute. Pratt tells him yeah and to walk with him. McEgo comes up and announces to Pratt that he has to sign out because he’s got a “family emergency”. What, did someone send the Orkin Man to your hovel, McTermite? About time. Pratt’s all “What???”, but McBecauseI’mTheNewCarterICanDoWhateverTheHellPleasesMeAndThere’sNotADamnThingYouCanDoAboutIt, is already out the door, saying that he’ll be back in the morning. Nice, McMakeYourOwnWorkSchedule. Pratt just points after him and bitches to Morris, “You know, it’s always something with that guy”. That’s it? Where’s the patented powerful Pratt punch that knocked McEgo down earlier this season? Good times. C’mon, Pratt, you’ve got to remember that a worm, with very few exceptions, is not a human being … Morris tells Pratt that he’s got this “OG with a GSW” who just confessed to shooting some kid from a rival gang. Morris says that it doesn’t add up and he doesn’t think his patient did it. Morris goes on that at first Monster said he didn’t do it, then he said he did, so if he didn’t do it, why would he confess and if he did, why would he confess? Pratt asks “How would I know? Did you ask him?” Morris thought that maybe Pratt could talk to him. Pratt asks if Morris asked Luka but, clueless, Morris wants to know “Why would I do that?” Pratt’s all sarcastic, “Uh, let me think … Chief of the ER … Great with people, years of experience” … Pratt goes on with listing Luka’s quintessential qualities, “He’s a good looking fellow, you know that? … Look at that boyish face. Look at that sweet smile. Do you want to talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the Olympian ideal? He … is … a … GOD! …” … Morris thinks this is more in Pratt’s “wheelhouse”. Pratt wants to know exactly what “wheelhouse” that is. Morris just rolls his eyes and gives him a “You know” face. Pratt asks him “You want me to talk to this dude because I’m black”, and Morris is all in a “duh” tone, “Well, yeah”, then asks “You are black, aren’t you?” Pratt slaps him on the shoulder and tells him “That’s wrong, Morris” and starts to walk away. Morris keeps up with him, protesting that they do this all the time, and how if he had a pregnant girl, he might get Abby, and if he had a “big Croatian” then he’d get Luka. Hee. Pratt says that he didn’t come to Morris with his autistic Irish kid, but Morris says that he could have and should have. Morris wants to know what the big deal is, and says “You know that I love the black man”. Pratt scoffs and tells Morris, “You don’t want to get into this with me”. Morris tells him that he’s got a black guy from the inner city who’s confessing to a crime that Morris doesn’t think he committed and that the last time he checked, Pratt was a black guy from the inner city. Morris then says, “Forgive me if I thought that you could relate on a level that I can’t”. Pratt’s really offended now and comes back at him that he thinks that just because Pratt and Monster both grew up black and poor that they are somehow magically related. Morris doesn’t think there’s anything magical about it. Pratt tells him “Black isn’t just one thing, Morris. We don’t all share some sort of collective consciousness”. Yeah, Morris. They aren’t the Borg, for Chrissakes. Annoyed, Pratt tells him “I know you may think we all look alike, but we’re not”. Pratt shoots him a disgusted look before walking away, leaving Morris to look after him, totally not getting why Pratt’s so upset.
Abby goes into the Lounge where Busy is looking for something in what last episode was Abby’s locker, but what now apparently is Busy’s. Continuity shenanigans yet again. I guess Abby only had it so that we would know that she was on the “Natural High” that the sign, which is still there on the bulletin board next to the locker, says. Maybe the ER lounge is like the locker room at my gym, where nobody has an assigned one and whoever’s first to put their combo lock on it gets it for that day. Abby, because she gets her caffeine fix out of the deal, thanks Busy for making the coffee run as she makes a beeline for the lattes on the table. Busy tells her it was no problem and that there’s sugar there, too. Searching the locker, Busy bitches “Where is my darn stethoscope? It’s like the third one I’ve lost”. Maybe you should try looking in the locker you had in a previous ep, Busy … Abby notices bridal magazines on the table, and, throwing a quick glance over at Busy to make sure she’s not looking, pulls one closer and starts to flip through it. Busy watches her for a moment, then slams her locker shut, yelling in an “Aha! I caught you!” tone, “I knew it!!!”, startling Abby, who does a “I wasn’t doing anything” jump backward and is all “What?” Busy rushes over to her, and all giddy and smiling, says “You’re getting married!!!” Totally caught, a blushing Abby denies it, “I am not!” In a “oh, sure you’re not” voice, Busy wants to know why she was looking at the wedding magazines and Abby stammers “Because they’re … they’re … they’re there”, looking away and nervously playing with her hair. Busy keeps at her “And why were you asking all the wedding cake questions earlier?” Trying to be all nonchalant but failing miserably, Abby stutters again as she says, “I was … I was curious”. Busy tells her “Okay … fine … Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not getting married”. Abby, shaking a sugar packet, looks over at her with a “you’ve got to be kidding me” face and tells her flat-out “No”. Busy wants to know why not and Abby says “Because that’s stupid” and goes back to fixing her coffee. She starts to say “I’m …” then does a double take as she looks over at Busy, who’s just staring at her expectantly. Abby turns a little towards her with a “I’ll show you” attitude, they square off. Abby tries to stare her down and declare “I am not getting married”, but can’t do it and blushing, looks away before she finishes. Hee. Busy totally calls her on it and is all congratulating herself, “I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!” Stricken with the wedding fever and excitedly going through the magazines, Busy’s all “Oh! This one would look so pretty on you!” as Abby turns to her, looking really panicked. She says kind of pleadingly, “Okay, listen, Hope … Luka asked if we could just keep this quiet …”, but Busy’s not listening at all, talking over her, “It’s in your eyes … You have the glow” as Abby continues “… for now …” Busy keeps babbling “I can’t wait for the glow …”, as Abby tries to tell her “I mean, it’s the only one thing that he asked me”. Aww, how sweet is that -- she really wants to do this for him, just because he asked her. Busy burbles “I can’t wait to try on wedding dresses … Oh my God …” as Abby, fed up, shouts “Hope!”, effectively shutting Busy up in mid-sentence. Busy looks over as Abby stares at her, declaring matter-of-factly and nodding, “If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you”. Hee. Abby grabs her coffee and starts leave, as a gleeful Busy exclaims “Hee!” slapping her hands down on the table. Abby turns around asking “Do you hear me?” then saying each word pointedly and putting her left hand out in a sort of “ta da” gesture for emphasis, “Kill you … as in dead”. Hee. Abby then winks at her, saying “Got it?” before heading out the door, leaving Busy to stand there looking very worried. Hee. This scene was really funny. I like the comedic interplay between Maura Tierney and Busy Philipps, and hope we get more of it in the future. Busy’s really grown on me and I so hope she becomes main cast soon. I have some suggestions on who she could replace, ER … Just saying …
Pratt goes into Trauma Green. Monster asks him, “Wassup, bro?” Pratt takes the chart from Sam and introduces himself to Monster. Sam says that she’ll go get his next dose of ancef and heads out as Pratt sits on the stool next to Monster. He tells Monster that his lungs should heal in a few days with the chest tube. Monster said that’s what Morris told him and asks if they’re changing shifts or something. Pratt says not exactly and that they just thought that maybe Monster would want to talk to somebody. Monster asks if Pratt’s a shrink. Hee. Pratt tells him that for some reason Morris doesn’t believe that he committed the crime he confessed to. Monster looks at him confused, then gets it and says, “O-oh, so this is like a ‘black’ thing?” He starts chuckling and addresses yet another random nurse and tells her that she might want to step out because they’re about to have a “black man” talk. Pratt tells him, “Hey, man, I’m trying to help you”. Monster wants Pratt to tell him what kind of help Pratt thinks he needs. Pratt’s had enough, and tells him to “forget it”, and gets up to leave. Monster says that they don’t have anything to talk about, adding, “You don’t know me, fool”. At the door, Pratt turns around and tells him that no, he doesn’t know him, but he works on a parade of dudes just like Monster every day. Monster wants to know where Pratt’s from and is he “one of them
McEgo walks into a bar and says hi to some guy, “Keith”. Hey, wasn’t that the name of McEgo’s dead best friend who served in the Gulf with him, Trixie’s husband, and the other of Deej’s “My Two Dads”? Just how many guys named Keith are there outside of the Partridge Family? Keith must be the name of one of the writers kids, or dogs, or something, seeing as they’ve used that name in the past, too – like for that Alderman guy’s gay intern that Weaver ended up inadvertently killing because she did the Alderman a hush-hush favor and didn’t get the guy’s proper medical history, so didn’t know he was allergic to penicillin. Good times. McEgo asks “Keith”, “Where is he?”, then spots some guy sitting drinking and smoking at the bar. Keith tells him that he wouldn’t have called him “unless it was bad” and that Cigarette Man had started up with one of Keith’s customers and almost got himself killed. McEgo wants to know how much Cigarette Man owes and Keith tells him, “Your pop, he’s on a bender you know”. Oh, Christ. Luka’s been on this show for EIGHT years and we still have yet to meet any of his family, yet McEgo’s are crawling out of the woodwork … literally … Ugh … McEgo must have given Keith some money, because as he walks over towards the bar, he’s rubber banding a roll of cash and putting it back in his pocket. As he gets closer to the bar, we see that his “pop” is played by Stacy Keach, aka Mike Hammer, though I guess since he’s McEgo’s dad that should be “McHammer”. McEgo stands next to him, but McHammer doesn’t notice him, so McEgo hits him in the arm and says “Mike”. Oh, real original name, ER. McHammer turns to look at him and seeing who it is, says, “What the hell are you doing here?” Slurring his words, he wants to know if McEgo shouldn’t be off somewhere playing McDoctor with somebody’s wife. McEgo, McDisgusted by the McDrunk, grabs his arm and tells him “Let’s go”. McHammer, knowing how McContagious his son is, yanks his arm away, demanding “Get your hands off me!!!” So with you on the non-touching-by-the-McRabid policy, McHammer. McEgo, McPissed, shoves his coat at him and tells him “That’s enough! You’re done. Let’s go!” McHammer just McStares at him, then gets a little weepy, saying “Little Tony”, but McEgo McManhandles him again telling him to come on. McHammer just starts McLaughing as McEgo McPushes him out the McDoor.
Morris is looking at the ultrasound screen and says that they can’t drain with a catheter because they’ll never get it all out. Dubenko, with Lovebite up his ass, comes in and asks if this is the tamponade. Neela, who’s standing next to Pratt, tells him that Monster’s a perfect candidate for some such procedure, and Dubenko agrees. He tells them to prep from “nipples to umbilicus”. Pratt says that Monster needs to be decompressed now. Dubenko asks for masks and sterile gloves for him and Lovebite. He asks Lovebite if she’s ever seen the some such procedure, but she’s only read about them. Neela starts to protest and Dubenko cuts her off with an icy, “It’s a little crowded in here, Neela. Could you run down and tell the Paxon family that dad’s chest closure went really well”. Wow, is it chilly in here or are you wearing an anatomically correct bra, Neela? Sam feels the temperature change, too, and shoots Dubenko a look. Neela stares disbelievingly at Dubenko before finally turning and going. Dubenko asks for two of versed to “take the edge off”. I know these procedures are stressful, Lucien, but I don’t think shooting up in the trauma room right now is appropriate. Carter at least waited until the room was empty before doing that, until that pain-in-the-ass med student Abby just had to come in and interrupt his fix, that is. Monster, who’s awake now, asks what they’re doing. Morris tells him that they need to drain some blood caught in the sac around his heart, which is keeping it from beating normally. Dawn pokes her head in from Sutures to tell them that the CT on Junior was clear. Monster looks over and asks if that’s Junior. Sam tells him that his son is going to be fine. Monster asks Pratt if he can take a look at Junior and make sure. Pratt hands Monster’s chart to Morris and heads into Sutures.
Pratt grabs Junior’s chart and walks to the side of his bed. Annoyed, Junior wants to know when they’re going to let him out of there. Pratt, getting the attitude, comes back at him with “Oh, my bad … You got some place to be?” Hee. Junior tells Pratt not to worry about where he’s got to be and to just do the chart and let him up out of there. Pratt smirks and keeps going “What, you got a job to go to? You goin’ to school or somethin’?” Pratt tells him that he’s got a mild concussion so he’s getting out of there today, and it’s too bad he can’t say the same thing about Junior’s “pops”. Junior’s all indignant that Monster’s not his “pops” and the only time he saw “that fool” was on Visiting Day. Pratt tells him that it looks like he’s going to be visiting him again. Junior doesn’t understand and Pratt gives him a mock shocked look, “What, you didn’t know? Yeah, man, he’s going back in for shooting that 2-9’er”. Pretending like he can’t remember, Pratt asks Dawn what Other Dude’s name was, then says “Donnie, right?” and Dawn’s all “Mmm hmm, Donnie Moore”. Pratt tells Junior that Monster “ain’t no joke” and that he told the cops everything and that he must really want all the credit for this. As Junior glares at him, Pratt, being all buddy-buddy, tries to get Junior to agree that it must be kind of cool to have a “pops” with that kind of rep. Pratt keeps going about how Monster’s been shot eight times and he’s still here and that he’s “one bad dude”. Junior’s all pissy and yells at Pratt to stop calling him “Junior”, because he’d rather be remembered for his own small contributions to bangin’, and not for his accidental relationship to a famous … cuckoo … Pratt gives him a “Say what?” look and Junior bitches that Monster didn’t even do anything. Pratt just laughs at this, and Junior, getting even more pissed, shouts “I shot that fool!”, and Pratt “Yeah, right” ‘s him. Junior sits up yelling that it was him and calls out to the cops in the hall. He points over at Monster saying “Yo, he didn’t do nothin’! He ain’t got nothin’ to do with this”. Monster watches all this as we hear Junior loudly proclaiming, “I shot that fool and this mutha … He tried to stop me so I shot his ass, too!” Junior tells them he threw his gun down the garbage shoot and if they look there they’ll find it. On a roll, he gets up out of bed and goes to the Suture Room door yelling at Monster, “You ain’t my father, man! Stay out of my life!” Junior just keeps shouting at Monster, and Titus and Partner move to restrain him. Monster closes his eyes, pained as he watches the cops cuff his still raving son. He turns his head away as a tear slides down his cheek.
Leaving Crash Mom in an Exam Room, Busy tells Little Miss Sunshine that she’s going to grab her a hot chocolate and then she’ll take her up to see Crash Dad. Busy asks Crash Mom if she’s sure she doesn’t want anything. Because even though she’s an adulteress she still has more manners than Abby, Crash Mom thanks her but says that she’s fine. Little Miss Sunshine asks Busy why Crash Mom is so sleepy and Busy tells her that it’s just the medication as they look over to see a gurney being wheeled out of the elevator, being pushed by Crusty. Malik, who’s walking alongside it, tells Abby, on the other side, that the pulse is 48 and the BP’s 75 systolic. Little Miss Sunshine sees who’s on the stretcher and starts chasing after it, yelling “Spencer!!!” Abby says that Spencer’s unresponsive. Busy “Oh my Gosh” ‘s and asks how they found him. Crusty says that it’s the damnedest thing – they triangulated Spencer’s cell phone from text messages that someone kept sending him. Way to go, Little Miss Sunshine! She tries to tell her brother that it’s going to be okay. Busy says that she’ll go get Luka as they wheel Spencer into Trauma Yellow. Oh shit. Abby calls for a CBC, chem panel, EKG, CK, warm saline, a bear-hugger and a portable chest. As she closes the doors to the trauma room, Abby tells Little Miss Sunshine, “Honey, stay out there while we work, okay?”, leaving her to watch her brother worriedly through the window.
Busy comes up to Little Miss Sunshine, who’s still standing outside the trauma doors, and hands her a hot chocolate. Malik comes out and says that he’s got to go wake up the mom and Busy tells him that Pratt gave her five of versed and he might want to try some other drug that I didn’t catch and again, who cares when I can see Luka in the trauma room behind them. Busy and Little Miss Sunshine watch through the doors as Abby tries to intubate Spencer and Luka listens to his chest. Little Miss Sunshine asks Busy if they’re going to cut open Spencer the way they did with her dad, but Busy tells her only if they have to. Little Miss Sunshine hopes they don’t have to. Me, too, Little Miss Sunshine. I just ate. She turns and looks through the door.
Pratt is dressed like he’s ready to leave and Morris is filling him in about Monster’s condition and that he’s “tough as nails”. With an apologetic tone, Pratt starts, “Hey, uh … about earlier …”, but Morris stops him and tells him not to sweat it. Pratt just wants Morris to know that he can come to him for help anytime. Morris shakes his hand and responds, “Likewise”. Pratt leans in to give him a man hug, which pleases Morris, who holds on a little too long, and an uncomfortable Pratt has to correct him. Hee. Morris pulls back and Pratt adds “… or that tight”, and Morris is all “Yeah … sorry …” Morris tells him “peace out” and holds up his solidarity fist, which Pratt returns, kind of smirking. As Morris walks away, Pratt sort of rolls his eyes at him, then enters the exam room where Monster is now. Pratt tells him that it looks like he’s good, no more bleeding in his chest, but the tubes have to stay in a few days. Monster asks Sam, who’s fiddling with stuff on his bedside table, if he can get a drink, and Sam asks him if water’s okay and he’s says it is, and she goes to get it. Pratt tells Monster that he just wanted to apologize about how things went down today. Monster thinks that he should be thanking Pratt and tells him earnestly, “You saved my life, man”. Pratt tells that he meant with Monster’s son and how “you bust your ass trying to protect the ones you love … Try to keep them from making mistakes …” and Monster chimes in “Yeah, but they make them anyway”, as Sam turns around, listening to this with a look of understanding on her face. Monster says that he kept telling Junior to forget it and that he shot Other Dude over nothing, because “he looked at him the wrong way”. Monster says that you try to hold onto kids for as long as you can, but one day, “you gotta let ‘em go”. Sam hands him his water, telling him that “maybe someday, they’ll come back”. Pratt wishes Monster good luck and Monster thanks him, adding “Hopefully, I’ll never see your ass again”. Oh, Monster, I’d have thought after all that time in prison you wouldn’t be all into ever seeing anyone’s ass at all, let alone “again”. Pratt looks back at him and chuckles as he heads out the door.
As Pratt comes out of the room, Busy comes up and tells him that they found Spencer. Pratt’s all “Get outta here” and asks how Spencer is. Busy says that he’s not great and Pratt asks if they need some help in there. Busy tells him that Luka and Abby are in there. Just the two of them? What, is the Mobile Hair Salon making the hospital rounds again? … Bitch … Busy tells Pratt goodnight and heads off.
McEgo and McHammer are McWalking down a McSnowfilled street. McHammer is all drunkenly bitching “asshole slumlord”, and he must mean McEgo, since he then tells McHammer that he’s got one week that he can stay. McHammer thinks that they should have been paying him to live in “that dump”. Well, then you should feel right at home in McFurBall’s McHole, McHammer. McEgo tells him that McHammer can stay in his room. McHammer tells him that he really appreciates it and McEgo won’t even know he’s there. If you’re staying under his rock … I mean in his “room” … with all the other creepy crawlies, then he just might not, McHammer.
McEgo opens the door to the McApartment and he and McHammer enter. Deej and her GrandDeejParents are in the kitchen, cooking up something. Deej thinks McEgo’s home early. McEgo McIntroduces McHammer. He tells McHammer that the GrandDeejParents are Trixie’s folks. McHammer, looking like he means it, tells them that he’s sorry about their girl and what a damn shame it was. McHammer tells them, “You know, I’ll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him … the things he’d say to me …” GrandDeejDad asks him “What did he say?”, McHammer answers, “ ‘What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don’t you get out of there and give someone else a chance?’ “ That seems to remind McHammer, so, done with the McEtiquette, he asks McEgo where the McHead is, and McEgo McPoints him to it. Deej asks McEgo who McHammer is and he tells her that he’s the McDaddy, and that he “wasn’t feeling so well” so McEgo thought he’d help him out. GrandDeejDad asks if McHammer’s okay, and McEgo McBlowsItOff, with a quick “yeah”. He asks Deej how many painting she stole and GrandDeejMother jokes “just one, a lovely Degas”. Deej tells him that it’s a poster and they’re going to get it framed for her bedroom, which McEgo thinks sounds terrific. GrandDeejDad asks McEgo if they can talk and they walk into the other room. GrandDeejDad thinks Deej seems to be handling everything well, and McEgo tells him that Deej has her good days and her bad days, but she’s a fighter like Trixie. Yeah, Trixie fought real well when she downed that cornucopia of pharmaceuticals, McEgo. GrandDeejDad doesn’t want to disrupt Deej’s school year, but thinks they should start working out the details for the move. He thinks Deej is young and she’ll adjust, and McEgo agrees that family is best. GrandDeejDad tells him that they have six acres, horses, good schools and that they’ll want him to visit and that he’s always welcome, because they have a special burrow all built for him to tunnel into. McEgo’s all falsely, “Thank you …
Morris is wiping off the Board and Frank is at the Desk when Neela comes up and asks if they’ve seen the Roadkill. Morris tells her that he left early. So much for the ride, eh, Neela? She asks Frank if McEgo left her a message and Frank gets his bitch on, telling her “Let me check” as he just stands there and then says “No”. Neela bitches “Oh you men are all alike … Seven or eight quick ones and then you’re off with the boys to boast and brag … Well, he better keep his mouth shut” … Ray walks up and says that he’s outta there and asks Neela if she’s leaving. Not looking too happy about it, Neela says that she is. Busy comes hurrying up to the desk and says to Morris, “Hey, I have info …”, then lowers her voice, “… about Abby and Luka …” Hearing this, Frank looks over at them. Busy notices Frank, says pointedly “Excuse us … Nosy Nelly”, and takes Morris by the arm, leading him away towards the Curtain Area. As they walk, she asks Morris, “Can you keep a secret?”, and he raises his eyebrows and shrugs like “well, probably not”. She whispers without waiting for an answer, “It’s confirmed”. She pulls the curtain around one of the beds and in a hushed tone, Busy tells him, “The wedding is on”. Morris is all surprised, “No … way … Wow!” He smiles at her, saying “I guess this means I owe you dinner”. Busy, looking really worried, asks him “Have you ever known Abby to be violent?” as Morris gets a look on his face like he’s not sure and is really thinking about it. Hee. The curtain is drawn back by Frank, startling both Busy and Morris. He tells Busy that the “rescue kid” is crashing and Luka wants her back in trauma.
Little Miss Sunshine is still outside the Trauma Room when Busy comes running up. She asks Busy if she can please go in there, but Busy tells her that it’s not a good idea and that she should go back and wait with her mom, who should be waking up soon. Little Miss Sunshine promises that she won’t freak out, and rather than waste more time arguing, Busy points her towards a stool and tells her to wait right there. Busy asks what happened. Malik is doing compressions and Luka, who’s bagging, tells her that there’s runs of v-tach and they need her for CPR. Ok, I know I keep harping on this, but why do they “need” Busy to do the CPR, why can’t Luka take over Malik? It’s just weird because they’re not giving any explanation as to why Luka’s not really been doing much in the traumas over the past couple of episodes. I know that we can, and probably should, assume that it’s because of the hand thing, but I still think they could have dropped a line or something in about how his hand, while better, is still on the mend and he’s not up to doing 100-beat-per-minute compressions yet. As Busy takes over compressions, Abby tells Luka that bypass should be available by now. In an urgent voice, Luka orders for them to get the profusionist down here, now. Almost under his breath, he says, almost as if he’s reassuring himself, “I’m not criking his chest”. Busy shoots a concerned look over at Little Miss Sunshine, who’s intently watching all this.
Sam and Splinter are walking down a hallway in what looks like a pretty nice hotel. He’s carrying a bag on his shoulder and she’s wheeling a suitcase. They find an office where a Janet Reno lookalike has just crossed to a desk. I wonder if she’s married … Sam introduces herself and Splinter and Janet says that they’ve been expecting them and introduces herself as “Mrs. Dawson”. She hands Sam a clipboard and tells her that she needs to fill this paperwork out. Sam glances back at Splinter, who’s looking none to sappy … I mean, “happy” …
Pratt is at a prison. You’d think after being in a cell with Wife Beater and his gang pal back in Murmurs of the Heart and after I’d issued the Oompa Loompa smackdown to you, you’d be reluctant to step foot in one of those places again, Pratt. Pratt’s at one of those visiting areas where the “guest” and the prisoner face each other, but are separated by a glass wall. A cop leads in Darnell, who looks really happy to see Pratt and asks how Pratt’s been. Pratt says that he’s doing alright, then asks about Darnell. Smiling, Darnell asks him, “How you think?”, and Pratt looks down, a little embarrassed and berates himself for asking a “stupid ass question”. Darnell tells him how good it is to see him and how it’s been a long time. Pratt agrees that it’s been too long and asks Darnell how he’s holding up. Darnell sighs, then tells him that it’s hard and how he’s been waiting on his trial over a year now, the food sucks, but that he mostly just misses KJ, misses seeing him growing up. Darnell says that he worries about him all the time. Then he thinks about the kid he hit when he was drunk, and what he made him and his folks go through. Darnell tells Pratt honestly that he doesn’t want any of this for KJ – he doesn’t want his son to end up like him, but there’s not anything he can do about it in there. Pratt takes this in, then tells him that he’s sorry that he never wrote Darnell back. Darnell’s surprised because he didn’t think Pratt got his letters. An ashamed Pratt says that he did and that he should have visited, but he didn’t know what to say. He adds that he just knows that he hates seeing Darnell in there, and insists that he tried to do everything he could to keep Darnell out of there. Darnell stops him and tells him to not even worry about that, saying “All that’s on me”. He thinks if it hadn’t been for Pratt, he’d probably still be out there drinking. He tells Pratt seriously, “It’s all good, baby … We straight”. Pratt, looking relieved because Darnell’s just absolved him of his guilt, smiles and tells him “I’ll always be your friend, man”. Darnell grins at this, and sincerely thanks Pratt for coming.
Abby, holding Spencer’s right hand, asks him if he can squeeze her hand. His fingers move a bit, and Abby encourages him “C’mon, Spencer, try to squeeze my hand”. Spencer closes his fingers a bit to grip Abby’s hand. Busy smiles, and Abby happily tells him “There you go … Good job”. Busy says that Spencer’s core temp is 94. Luka gives earnest kudos to everyone, “Nice work”. He asks Malik if the ICU is ready for Spencer, and he says they are. Luka unlocks the gurney and they all start to push it out. Busy asks Abby if Spencer’s going to lose his frostbitten toes and she replies “Three of them don’t look salvageable”. Yikes. That sucks, Spence. Luka thinks it’s a small price to pay, and considering this kid just saved his entire family, I’d have to agree with you on that one, Luka. Abby says that she’s going to call Pratt, because he worked on the family, she wants to tell him that the kid is okay, and she heads off. As they move towards the elevators, Busy spots Little Miss Sunshine and asks her if she wants to say hi to her brother. She asks if Spencer can hear her and Busy says he can. She comes up alongside the gurney and says “Spence, it’s me, Charly. You saved us”. Spencer raises his left hand and Little Miss Sunshine takes it, telling him, “You saved us all”. Luka whispers, “Okay, let’s go” and they move the gurney again, as Little Miss Sunshine watches after it with a grin. Very sweet.
Pratt leaves the prison and gets into his car. As he starts the engine and Damian Marley’s “Road to
Neela and Ray are laughing in his Nissan SUV as he pulls over in front of Abby’s old/now Neela’s apartment building. He’s telling her “Ok, yeah …that was … that was a fun night” Still chuckling, she says that it seems like a million years ago. Ray thinks they should do that again sometime, and Neela says “Minus the whisky, I can’t bounce back like I used to”. Ray’s with her on that one, saying, “Yeah, tell me about it” and they smile at each other. Neela looks away, then turns back and says “Well, thanks for the ride”. I am getting such a strong sense of déjà vu right now … SUV parked in front of Abby’s (now Neela’s) apartment building … Two old friends who share a long history and strong attraction are laughing together … Sexual tension is palpable … Girl says “Well, thanks for the ride” … I’m almost sure this scene has been done before, but … gee … for the life of me, I really just can’t think where … I’m sure it will come to me eventually … Maybe it’s something I’ve blocked out … Bitch … Ray looks at Neela intently, grinning slightly, as sort of overly brightly says “I’ll see you tomorrow”. Still watching her, Ray shakes his head and says that he’s off. Neela looks at him for a second, then away before finally looking back at him as she says chirpily, “Okay … I’ll … see you when I see you …” Ray hasn’t taken his eyes off her. As she starts to make a move towards opening the door, he reaches over and stops her, saying quietly, “Neela …” She looks at over at him, then they gaze at each other for a long moment, before simultaneously moving towards each other, their lips meeting in a sweet kiss … We got to keep on walking … Eyes still closed, their lips part, but they don’t move from each other … On the road to Zion, man … They kiss again, still gentle, but a bit more passionately, as Neela, no longer having to fear razor burn or the risk of infection, actually parts her lips and opens her mouth to Ray …
And there was much rejoicing in Reela-ville as the soundtrack in their minds starts playing CeCe Peniston’s song, “Finally” …
Janet tells Sam and Splinter that she’ll show him to the room. Is this The Home for Wayward Plants that Sam was debating sending Splinter to? How the hell can Sam afford a place that looks as nice as this one? Is her old employer Richard, aka Armand Assante, aka The Mambo Mumbler, footing the bill for this? Since unfortunately for Sam, money doesn’t grow on trees, I really doubt that she could swing this place on her nurse’s salary. Sam faces Splinter and trying to sound upbeat, tells him “Ok, buddy … behave yourself okay … I’ll see you in a couple of weeks”. Sam does her tree hugging bit for the environment, her face showing just how much this is affecting her, despite the cheerful façade she’s putting on. To my complete surprise, Splinter actually seems to become a real boy, dew forming on his bark … um, tears rolling down his cheeks … as he tells her in a pleading voice, “Mom, I don’t want to stay here”. Sam tries to reassure him with a positive voice that it’s going to be okay as she continues to hold him. Splinter looks off sadly, and with bough breaking … “voice” breaking … begs, “Mom … please … I’ll be better … I promise …” Wow, I am totally floored … I really didn’t think it was possible … Splinter is actually starting to get to me … I need a moment … Not only am I a little verklempt, I’m totally shocked … Talk amongst yourselves … I’ll give you a topic … In honor of Keith … The Partridge Family were neither partridges nor a family … Discuss! … Splinter tells her over and over how sorry he is. Sam, looking like her heart is breaking, holds him tightly for a minute, then finding the strength to do this, pulls back and looks at him. She smiles and tells him that he’s got to be brave, as he looks at her, sad and more than a little scared. She kisses him, tells him, “I love you” and hugs him one last time. As she holds him, he beseeches her, “Mom … I’ve sorry … Okay?” Sam, looking like this is killing her but knowing that she has to do it, kisses his head, then turns and walks away from him. Tears brimming, she heads down the hall as he keeps calling after her “Mom, please!” Faced etched in sorrow, Sam walks faster, trying to get away before she completely loses it, as he cries out “Mom, I’ll be better, okay? … Mom, I’m sorry! … Please! …” Sam never looks back as she makes her way down the hall.
Jeez, way long overdue, Splinter’s being sent away, and now … Now, after all this time … He finally chops down his family tree, purges Plank-esque parentage, and shows some real emotion … A little too late, since this Splinter’s already become infected … But, damn, Linda Cardellini really nailed this scene … And now that you’ve completed the Splinter extraction, there just may be hope for you yet, Sam …