Sunday, August 26, 2007

ER 13:19 Family Business

Previously on ER: Intern Tony Gates, aka John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House, but better known by me as Uncle Ego or McEgo or McRoadkill for reasons that I know I really don’t have to explain anymore, is telling his father Mike, who’s played by Stacy Keach, who was TV’s Mike Hammer, that Hammer can stay with him but only for one week and Hammer assures him that McEgo won’t even know he’s there, which is a total “duh” Hammer, since McEgo’s so taken with himself that he never knows anyone else is there; Neela tells Ray that there’s a lot of stuff going on with her right now and he calls her on it being about The Ego, but she assures him that she wants to sort it out and she’s trying to sort it out, but she just needs a little time; Pratt tries to explain to his gay brother Chaz that he works with gay doctors and treats gay patients all the time, but Chaz is having none of it and tells Pratt that he’s more like their dad than he thinks, but Pratt insists that what he’s saying is not coming out right and Chaz really hopes that some day Pratt proves him wrong; Sarah, (the supposed love-child of McEgo and his now deceased live-in fuck-buddy Meg, aka Trixie from Deadwood), who I call Deej because she reminds me of one of the Full House Tanner girls is asking McEgo if he’s her dad and he explains to her that if she wants, they could take a paternity test to find out for sure and they swab out the inside of their cheeks to prove if she’s the Ego-lette.

Some big dark-haired guy in a grey t-shirt who reminds me of Meat from Porky’s is giving Sam a ration of shit about how long he’s been waiting. Sam politely apologizes that they’re very busy. It looks like they’re in an Exam Room and I’m with you on the being pissed Meat because my doctor pulls that crap, too, where they take you back from the Waiting Room, stick you in a room and tell you that the “doctor will be right with you” when he’s really finishing playing the back nine and won’t be there for another hour while you’re stuck reading one of last year’s issues of InStyle and looking at celebrity wives’ with collagen-enhanced lips and breast implants showing off their very “own” interior decorating skills that their B-list husband’s money bought right before they ended up splitting because everyone knows that once you’ve had a spread in there it’s only a matter of time before the “InStyle Curse” hits and your relationship ends … Good times … And all this happens and the doctor still hasn’t been in to see you yet. Bastards. Meat gets more belligerent and Sam still tries to be polite until he calls her “Bitch” … and not in the good way that I refer to Abby as whenever she’s in physical contact with The Pretty … bitch … Sam’s had enough and starts giving the guy shit back, poking her index fingers into his chest and telling him to “settle down”. Meat shouts for her to settle down as he grabs her by the shoulders and slams her down, forcing her to land on the conveniently placed blue mat on the floor with a thud and a groan. Meat stands up and addresses someone off camera with “Okay, so what went wrong”, as Sam, still lying on the mat, eyes him. Camera angle shifts to show us a bunch of the ER staff, including Haleh, Lily and Timmy the Desk Clerk, who reminds me of Usher, sitting watching the proceedings. Usher raises his hand and offers that Sam didn’t stay calm and Lily jumps in that Sam’s tone was “threatening”. Hello, Lily? How long have you worked with Sam now? That’s her average everyday tone. Though I don’t know that I would call it “threatening” so much as “pissy-with-a-Botox-induced-scowl-thrown-in-for-good-measure”. Sam sits up, looking over at Lily with a bemused “You kidding me?” look as Haleh, all condescending, chimes in that Sam needed to “keep her distance”, and gives Sam the patented Haughty Haleh “Mmm hmm” look. Hee. Looking a little amused, Meat extends his hand to Sam and asks if she’s okay. Sam gives him a “yeah okay, pal” look as she takes the offered hand and he starts to help her up. Shooting him one last look, Sam heads to her seat behind Lily. Meat walks over to a laptop that’s hooked up to a bigger screen and starts to review his PowerPoint presentation of the “Management of Assaultive Behavior”. He looks over at Sam, who’s kind of slumped in her chair, licking her wounds.

Deej is at the kitchen table doing what looks to be her homework and tells McEgo, who’s just walked in, that she’s made coffee. He asks her if she’s doing her history project and she informs him that she’s paying the bills. McEgo’s all “Huh???” and Deej admonishes him for being late on everything for three months in a row. Nice, McEgo. Don’t you know you’ll ruin your credit score that way? At the rate you’re going, you’ll never be able to secure funding for that long-overdue personality transplant. Though it does seem like you somehow scraped enough together for the facial roadkill extraction, seeing as how you are actually semi clean shaven for once. McEgo starts to protest but Deej bitches at him that she doesn’t want them to turn off the electricity. With you on that one, Deej. I wouldn’t want to be alone in the dark with McEgo either. McEgo’s all pissed because Deej is using his checkbook. Well, considering she’s like 12 or something, I hardly think it’s appropriate for you to expect her to be forking over funds for the household bills, is it McCheapSkate? She says that she’s just filling them out, but he still has to sign them. McEgo starts to condescend to her that he knows she’s trying to help when Hammer comes in and “Good morning” ‘s them. Hammer’s got a shirt, tie and jacket on and McEgo complements him on his choice of wardrobe, which is understandable seeing as McEgo’s McDressed in his typical olive drab t-shirt that matches aforementioned personality in need of replacement. Apparently Hammer has a job interview for an Executive Assistant position, which he thinks is a fancy way of saying “answering the phones”. Really, Hammer? Our Executive Assistant doesn’t answer phones … Come to think of it, she doesn’t offer much in the way of “assistance” either … Unless you count surfing for free music downloads and celebrity gossip … Which I do … Deej sarcastically tells McEgo that maybe Hammer can help with the rent and both McEgo and Hammer stare at her so she rolls her eyes and continues that they have $90 to get them through the week. Hammer tells them that if he gets this job, he’ll be “out of their hair” in no time, which would be a good thing because neither have been looking particularly coiffured these days. Deej gives an insolent “yeah, right” under her breath and before I can smack her, McEgo plays at diplomacy by cereal box and asks them if they want shredded wheat or corn flakes. Well, see, McEgo, you’ll never get anywhere with dispute settling unless you throw in some Quisp and at least one of the Cap’n Crunch varieties, preferably Crunch Berries. Yum.

Sitting at a table in Ike Ryan’s, Pratt is asking Chaz how he’s been, and Chaz says “Alright”. Uncomfortable and not knowing how to start, Pratt tries to make small talk about the Cubs, but judging by his monosyllabicity, Chaz has apparently been hanging out with Sam’s son, new Alex, or Newlex, but better known as Splinter for his uncanny impression of a lamppost that recalls the acting of Neela’s dead husband, Gallant, aka Plank. Chaz is a bit disgusted by the fact that Pratt invited him to breakfast to talk but has yet to get to the point. Pratt admits that he wants to fix things with Chaz.

Lily is getting her Jean Claude Van Damme on and punching and kicking like a banshee at a Storm Trooper-esque protective gear-wearing Meat, while everyone cheers her on, yelling out orders on where Lily is to hit in succession. “Neck! Knees! Nuts!”, at which point Lily drives her knee into Meat’s cup-protected boys and he praises her “Good! Good!” because Meat is a bit of a perv and likes the rough stuff. Lily’s all proud of herself and everyone loudly applauds. Meat takes his helmet off so that we can see his meat head, and reminds them that the goal is to diffuse potentially violent behavior and that this training is just a last resort. With an amused look, he glances over at Sam and says, “Next”. Sam, wearing red boxing gloves, is all reluctant and Lily pushes her towards the center of the room telling her to go. Meat puts his helmet back on. Good idea, Meat. Sam’s been known to hurl sutures kits at people’s heads before. Everyone starts egging Sam on. Sam and Meat square off and the group yells “Nose!” and Sam throws a half-hearted punch. Meat tells her she can do better than that. The staff yells “Nuts!” and Sam lifts her foot to the general crotch region, but still doesn’t do it very forcefully. Meat wants her to show him some strength. Sam’s all, “Alright, I just didn’t want to hurt you”. Meat scoffs because he thinks he’s got enough padding on to stop a tank. Sam rolls her eyes and they square off again. The shouts start up “Neck!” and Sam swings. Meat starts teasing her with little jabs to her head and saying that “I’m worried about you, Sam, because bad guys will rip a little lady like you to shreds”. Sam Botox-scowls as she asks him “Oh really? Ya think?”, and Meat says he knows as he continues to tease her. Sam grits her teeth and starts to let loose as the call comes out “Knee!” Instead, she kicks Meat in the gut, then throws a couple of hard quick punches at him that totally take him by surprise, before extending her leg to kick Meat right on the side of his kneecap. There’s a totally sickening crunch sound … yuck … and Meat drops to the ground like a side of beef, crying out in pain, as Sam stands over him, nostrils flaring from exertion and wearing a “I told you not to fuck with me” expression as we crash into funky opening graphic montage.

After commercial, Pratt and Chaz are still at Ike’s, eating breakfast Pratt admits that he screwed up when he pushed Chaz away and insists that he can do better. Chaz doesn’t seem so convinced as he downs his bacon. Pratt tells Chaz that he could have been a little bit more honest and told Pratt what was really going on, but Chaz says he didn’t know how to tell him. He asks Pratt if he’s in some “12 Step Program” or something. Hee. Pratt says that it’s just that he’s spent too many years pushing people away and he doesn’t want to do that anymore. Chaz considers this then asks Pratt if this means he’s going to be talking to “Dad”. Pratt smiles and says that he has to work up to that and he and Chaz chuckle.

Luka and Abby are in the locker room, getting ready for work. In the ongoing adventures of Abby’s Ever Rotating Locker, this episode has moved the masterful meandering metal in preferable proximal placement per The Pretty’s own Cranky-coveted container of clothing content caressed and in carnal contact with the completely captivating comely Croatian … Lucky … Abby’s locker is next to Morris’, which in turn is next to Ray’s. Magnetically held to the inside of the door to her locker, Abby’s got some multi-colored picture thing in a frame, which I hope we’re not supposed to believe is the artwork of her son, Mongo Joe Kovac, or MoJo, seeing as he’s not even a year old yet and unless he’s going through his Salvador Dali surrealistic phase, I’d expect his creations to be more Pollock-esque. Luka’s got some stuff taped up on his locker, too. The top thing looks like some sort of funky postcard while a little lower, under a magnet, look like a couple of photos with like some kind of palm trees, huts and sand. Huts? Sand? Oh, no … no, no, no … Just when I thought it was truly safe to watch this show … Does this mean I’m going to have to utter the “worse curse in the universe”? … The dreaded … “C” word? … “Carter” … Shudders … Okay, take your mind off it … Concentrate on something else … The contents of Abby’s locker … Yeah, that’s it … What is it that she has on the shelf? Looks like … deodorant and a stainless steel travel mug … Thrilling … So she can eliminate body odor and coffee cravings at the same time … Way to multitask, Abby. Abby already has her labcoat on and she reaches for something on the shelf, not the aforementioned thermos or toiletries, so I guess she neither stinks nor is going through caffeine withdrawal right now. As she does, with her back towards him, she says to Luka, “I mean it’s been five days”. Luka, putting on his own labcoat, sighs and responds “So?” Abby, with her stethoscope in hand, turns around to look at him as she explains pointedly, “So, fever without source freaks me out”. Luka, in a tone that says that they’ve been over this a million times before, says matter-of-factly, “It’s a virus”, but Abby’s not buying it and tells him that it could be a serious infection that they’re missing. Grabbing his own stethoscope and turning to face her as he shuts his locker, Luka tries to reassure her “Look, he’s playing well, he’s eating … Joe’s not sick”. Uh oh. Abby thinks MoJo’s sick? Oh no … say it ain’t so, MoJo … Abby grabs something out of her bag and turns around saying “Well, I’m going to check this just to make sure” as she holds up a urine filled specimen bottle for Luka to see. Lovely. Abby shuts her locker door and we can see there are three snapshots taped to the front – one of which looks like a close-up of MoJo sitting in his highchair. Awww … Luka sort of rolls his eyes like “Oh, come on now”, as he says “Abby?” in a quiet “you’re totally nuts” tone. Abby doesn’t get it and is all “What?” Luka holds his hands out in a slight “What are you doing?” gesture as they start moving away from the lockers and Abby responds defensively “What? I got a little urine sample this morning. So?” She puts the cup on the table so she can finish stuffing her supply of pens in her pocket. They both just look at each other for a sec as Haleh pokes her head in the door to tell Luka that they have a bad CHF in Trauma Two. Luka says “okay” and asks Haleh if their class is over already. Haleh replies with more than just a bit of undertone, “It ended a little early”. Hee. Haleh leaves. Luka sticks a pen in his coat’s breast pocket, killing time as he waits for the door to close behind Haleh before he addresses Abby. He tells her that she’s being silly, which is always just what a mother worried about her potentially ill child wants to hear, Luka. He says that if this were someone else’s baby, she would tell them not to worry. Abby just looks at him, considering. Luka gives her a little grin. She looks away for a second, before closing her eyes and shaking her head at herself, then tells him “Alright … you’re right” and tosses the specimen cup in the trash. She shrugs and says that MoJo probably just caught her cold. Luka mimics her shrug back, raising his eyebrows with a “see how foolish you’re being?” look and shaking his head slightly as he looks at her with a bit of an amused, tolerant expression on his face. Luka starts to head out. Abby keeps her eyes on him to make sure he doesn’t turn around as she reaches down and retrieves the bottle from the trash, before following him out. Hee. I totally knew she was going to do that.

Luka exits into the hall and keeps walking, as Abby follows, keeping the specimen cup down low as she watches to make sure Luka hasn’t looked back. Usher exits off the elevator right in front of her and Abby says to him “Hey, Timmy. You’re back” and he says that he’s “Better than ever”. As they head towards Admit, Abby hands him the cup and asks if he can send it for a UA. He asks for which patient and she tells him “John Doe” and he tells her he’s got it.

Sam is pushing Meat in a wheelchair. She tells Usher that “Officer Lichtman” needs a room. Usher tells her to take him to Curtain Two as Abby heads over to check Meat’s knee. Usher bitches to Sam “That was a nice move. We were supposed to be off till noon” and Sam’s all apologetic. Abby leans over and takes the ice off Meat’s right knee and comments “Whoa …” She straightens up, crosses her arms and says “Dislocated patella. How did that happen?” Sam and Meat exchange looks before a sheepish Sam admits that Meat was teaching the assaultive behavior class and he chimes in that Sam got a little carried away. Abby raises here eyebrows, and shoots Sam a surprised look. Meat says that Sam “kicks like a mule”. As Sam moves away from Admit, pushing him towards the Curtain Area, she smiles and tells him “You said bring it on” and he retorts that he wasn’t expecting Bruce Lee. Sam positions his chair next to the bed. Meat asks how long this will take and Sam tells him that normally it would take all day but that she’ll try to get him out of there in less than an hour. He’s skeptical, “Yeah, right”. Sam bets him a donut that she can. He scoffs and tells her “Yeah, you sure know how to get a cop excited”. Sam and her hideously dishwater colored pulled back stringy straight hair with bangs embarrassedly smiles at this flirting.

McEgo is in Trauma Green, listening to the lungs of a middle aged guy. He tells Haleh there are crackles to the apex and she informs Luka “40 of Lasix”. Middle Aged, or MA for short, says in a raspy voice that it feels like he’s drowning as Luka sits the head of the bed up straighter. Luka asks if he’s ever had fluid in his lungs or a heart attack and MA says that he has high blood pressure and high cholesterol. He hands Luka a business card from his pocket and asks if someone can call his dad. Luka reads the card “Rutley and Son … Heating and Air Conditioning”. McEgo asks MA if his dad still works, but MA says no, his dad lives with him and that he moved his office home so that he could look after his father. Luka calls for a nitro drip and McEgo asks MA what meds he’s on. MA just shakes his head and McEgo can’t believe that he’s not on anything for his blood pressure or cholesterol. MA says that he ran out as Luka examines his eyes and asks how long ago. MA says it was a long time ago and asks again for someone to please call his father because he’s expecting him. McEgo, whose five o’clock shadow seems to have sprouted way early, asks who MAs’ doctor is. MA says that the name is on his insurance card and passes it off that he’ll see him tomorrow. Luka informs him that he’s in congestive heart failure and he needs to be admitted to the ICU. Well, I see you, too, Luka, and though I wish you were in one of your signature “Luka Blues” today, you’re still looking scrumptious in your monochromatic gray on gray, with some stripes thrown in on the tie for contrast. Yum. MA is more worried about his dad, which causes Luka and McEgo to look at him, surprised.

Pratt and Chaz are walking down the street and Chaz says that he’d been really bummed out about the way they had left things. Pratt’s glad that Chaz came to meet him and says that he’s there if Chaz needs him. Chaz says that he’s applying for a part-time job and that it would help if Pratt would write a letter for him. Pratt asks him what the job is and Chaz says “EMT” with the fire department. Pratt’s all “Really?” Chaz says that the money’s good, it’s got flexible hours and it’s perfect for a student. Pratt doesn’t seem that pleased and Chaz wants to know what’s wrong with that. Pratt tells him that they’re not the most open-minded individuals and that it’s definitely a “don’t ask, don’t tell” type situation, and advising Chaz that if he’s going to fit in, he’s got to be “just one of the boys”. Chaz assures him that he knows how to handle it and says that maybe if it works out, he’ll think about med school. Pratt laughs and tells him “Don’t do it, man”. Chaz tells him that he sees what Pratt does and that it’s good work. Pratt asks if he’s thinking about emergency medicine, and Chaz is all “hell no” and says that if he’s going to put in all that work, he’s going to “need to make some coin”, so he’d go into plastic surgery. I know at least one B-list celebrity wife who’d be happy to hear that, Chaz … Just saying …

McEgo is on the phone, bitching to someone that the “swabs were sent in three weeks ago” as Neela heads down the hall towards him. He tells the person on the phone that he can hold and spots Neela. He asks her if there’s a trauma coming in. Neela mumbles something in reply which is really annoying since I didn’t catch it, but seriously, since this is a McEgo scene, does anyone really care? She keeps on walking but he stops her, unnecessarily, because she wasn’t really interested in his phone call any more than I am, and tells her that the paternity results never came back. Neela asks how Deej is holding up and McEgo says that Deej is alright, she just doesn’t want to talk about it. Neela thinks that it must be on her mind. I’m with you on that, Neela. If there was a chance that McEgo was my dad, I’d want to know as soon as possible so I could start major chlorine and bleach treatments to disinfect that gene pool. McEgo tells Neela that Deej found his checkbook today and paid all his bills. Neela’s amused and thinks that maybe Deej can become a CPA. Cursedly Parented by Asshole? Because I think she already is that, Neela … McEgo says that when he was 12, all he wanted was to wait in line all day for the Return of the Jedi premiere. I don’t know which amuses me more – knowing that McEgo’s facial fur fetish started with the Ewoks, or the idea that they’re trying to pass Stamos off as being 36. McEgo says that’s all he wanted to do and Neela’s a little put off, “Be a Star Wars nerd?” What, with all the other pale, friendless virgins, McEgo? McEgo corrects her “No, be a kid”, which is a relief because I highly doubt McEgo could even pass a geek test. McEgo’s getting pissed at the people on the phone and tells them that he did not get the results in the mail. Exasperated, he tells them to send them again as Luka calls over to him. He hangs up the phone and asks Neela if they can catch up later and she says yeah. Luka is wheeling MA’s gurney down the hall and McEgo comes over and tells him that ICU said it would be an hour. Haleh tells him that they’re taking MA to the Cath Lab. MA’s got an oxygen tube thingy like the one James Woods wore in the Body and Soul ep last season on over his nose. McEgo asks if MA is stable enough and Luka says that they’ll stay with him and if the Cath Lab can open up an artery, it may reverse MA’s heart failure. MA asks again about his dad and McEgo, strangely more clean-shaven than just one minute ago, assures him that they called and he’s on his way. Maybe McEgo’s facial hair is like Abby’s locker, except instead of changing from episode to episode, it grows from scene to scene. MA tries to tell them that he has $50,000 in mutual funds at First National and Luka gives him a patronizing “Okay” and tells McEgo to go check if MA’s labs are back.

As McEgo walks to Admit, Pratt asks him who he knows at the CFD in the paramedic training program. McEgo ego’s “Everyone”. Pratt wants to know if any of them actually like him. Hee. McEgo believes that he is popular everywhere he goes. Yeah, okay, McEgo. I guess if that’s true, the only places you go are landfills, sewers and junkyards. McExcrement … Sam is pushing Meat’s wheelchair towards the doors. Pratt tells her that Meat can’t be released until his post-reduction films come back, and Sam says that they’re just going to the Roach Coach. Meat says that Sam owes him coffee and she bitches that he owes her a donut as she rolls him out. Pratt asks McEgo “So, let’s say I had a friend who wanted to be an EMT …”. McEgo tells him that it’s very tough, very competitive and there are a lot of applicants. Pratt says that it’s his brother. McEgo and his newly sprouted roadkill is all “Why didn’t you say so?” and offers to be Chaz’ “hook”. Pratt and I both ask, afraid of what the answer could be considering that this is McEgo we’re talking about, “His what?” McEgo explains that with the city fire department, you need someone on the inside who can help you move up. McEgo assures Pratt that he’ll help Chaz out. He tells Pratt, “From now on, I’m his rabbi”. Oy vey …

Sam and Meat exit into the Ambulance Bay, still with the phony bickering. I know it’s supposed to be flirty and cute, and I should be all happy for her that apparently Sam’s going to be getting some Meat, but this fake bantering is a little annoying. Sam wants to know what makes Meat think that she’s buying him coffee and he thinks it’s the least she can do after destroying his knee. Sam’s all with the “you big baby” tone, “Oh, it’s not even broken. Your kneecap just slipped out of place”. He wants to know where she learned moves like that and she says “In high school”. Meat thinks that must have been one hell of a P.E. class. Sam says that she learned to protect herself. Meat asks if it was from “football players who wanted a date to the prom”, and Sam laughs and tells him it was “the Metalheads who wanted a quickie behind the Dairy Queen”, and they both chuckle. Well, considering you met your dead ex, Sleazy Steve, when you were working at an ice cream parlor, why am I not surprised? Meat thinks Sam is full of surprises. You said it, Meat. Just wait until you meet her psycho tree stump … I mean “son” … Splinter. Bardelli the paramedic is standing at the crosswalk with a cup of coffee as a white van comes whipping around the corner towards the hospital. He yells out a warning to Sam, who reacts and attempts to pull Meat out of the way as the camera switches to show us the driver of the van, frantically turning the wheel and yelling in a foreign language. Hey, it’s Ken Davitian, Azamat Bagatov from Borat! Awesome. Azamat slams on the brakes and the van starts skidding – right towards Meat. Sam jumps out of the way, leaving Meat to fend for himself. Nice, Sam. The van hits Meat’s wheelchair, then veers off, slamming into the wall. Bardelli runs over to the van and opens the door to find Azamat slumped against the steering wheel, a bunch of flowers haphazardly thrown all around him.

After commercial, Abby and Pratt wheel an empty gurney towards the van as Sam leans over Meat, who’s lying on the ground. Pratt asks her how he is and Sam says that he’s got good vitals. Abby asks “What about the driver?”, but Sam tells her to ask Bardelli. Sam asks Meat if he has any neck pain, and he says no. Sam tries to tell him not to move, but he says he’s okay and starts to sit up. As he does he cries out in pain and says that he put his knee out again.

Bardelli is trying to put an agitated Azamat into a neck brace and tells him to take it easy. Pratt looks in from the passenger door and hears Azamat and asks Bardelli if he’s altered, but Bardelli says it’s hard to tell. Abby comes up and suggests to Pratt that they should get Azamat on a board. Azamat is still talking, frantically. Pratt calls to Sam, who’s putting up the siderails of a gurney that Meat’s on, to open up a trauma room. Meat says that Azamat came out of nowhere and asks Sam if she thinks he’s drunk, but she doesn’t know and starts pushing his gurney inside. Bardelli, Pratt and Abby get a collared, boarded Azamat out of the van and onto a gurney. Azamat is still babbling. Abby asks him what his name is, and then in that irritating speak-louder-and-slower-like-they’re-deaf-voice that people use with someone whose language they don’t understand, asks if he speaks English. Azamat doesn’t, as he keeps going in his native tongue. Abby tells Pratt that they have to assume Azamat is altered. Why? Because you can’t understand him? I guess that’s erring on the side of caution, but it’s a bit annoying, Abby. Abby turns her head and looks into the back of the van. She notices something and says “Hey, guys …” Pratt’s not paying any attention as he barks out orders. Abby grabs the handle and tries to open the van’s sliding door. It’s locked so she asks someone to unlock it as she continues to peer through the window. Nobody’s paying any attention to her, so she says more forcefully, “Look … just unlock the damn door!” Pratt asks her what’s the matter and she says that there’s something moving in there as Bardelli unlocks the door and she opens it. In the back of the flower strewn van, Abby turns to Pratt and tells him “Two more victims” and he “Oh, man” ‘s it as he heads over and the camera pulls in closer to where Abby is crouched, but still all we can see are flowers. Abby starts pulling flowers off to reveal a shaved headed guy and a little kid. Oh, shit. She tells Pratt that it looks like they’ve got an adult male and a little boy, both unconscious, and starts to dig through the flowers. Damn, I hope they’re not pushing up the daisies …

A woman wearing a jacket over a nurse’s patterned scrub shirt leads in an elderly gentleman with glasses and a cane played by Robert Prosky, who’s been in tons of stuff but whom I remember best as Father Patrick on The Practice … and as Robin Williams’ boss in Mrs. Doubtfire … They approach admit and Father Patrick asks Usher how much longer it’s going to be. Usher tells him that his son is still up in the Cath Lab. Oh, so Father Patrick actually is a father – MA’s father. Father Patrick wants to know if it will be a while and if he should wait right there. Nurse Woman tells him that they’ll go get a cup of coffee as we see Luka, McEgo and Haleh pushing MA’s gurney through the doors under the sign that says “Cafeteria”. Nice. While poor old Father Patrick is waiting, you all just had to go and get your Jell-o on, didn’t you? You could have at least brought him some. How unthoughtful. Luka is telling McEgo that they can try 1.25 of IV analopril. Father Patrick spots them and comes over asking, “Is that you, Danny?” As they keep moving down the hall, Luka introduces himself to Father Patrick, who says his name is Wayne Rutley and asks “What is all this?” Luka informs him that during the cath, the fluid in MA’s lungs got worse so they had to put a breathing tube down his throat. Well, that explains why McEgo’s all with the bagging. Thanks, Luka. Now where’s my Jell-o? MA looks over at Father Patrick, who asks him if he’s having any pain. McEgo fills him in that MA can’t talk with the tube in. McEgo asks Nurse Woman if she’s a relative, but she says that she’s a home health aide. Father Patrick asks if it’s a heart attack but McEgo says that it’s cardiomyopathy, to which Father Patrick’s all “A what???” Luka explains that MA’s heart is squeezing very weakly. Father Patrick doesn’t get it because he thinks MA’s young and has a good heart. Luka tells him that MA’s had untreated high blood pressure for a long time. Father Patrick says that MA’s always working and never gets to a doctor. They maneuver MA back into Trauma Green. McEgo wants to know if MA’s been short of breath lately, and Nurse Woman says that she just met him today. Gesturing to Nurse Woman, Father Patrick says that MA calls an agency when he goes out to bid on a job and poo poo’s that MA thinks he needs a “babysitter”. Nurse Woman’s helpfully chimes in that Father Patrick’s eyesight is not so good and he has memory problems. Father Patrick asks MA if they were “aluminum ducts”, MA nods and Father Patrick told-you-so’s that he had told him he’d need galvanized sheet metal.

Pratt and Lily bring in Shaved Head, who’s sitting up on the gurney, oxygen mask over his face. Pratt says that he’s got tight wheezing and that he’s barely moving air and tells them they’re taking him to Trauma One and to get McEgo in on this one. Right behind them, Abby is bringing in Azamat. She says that he has a head lac and good vitals as Azamat keeps muttering. Pratt moves to the gurney following them, where Little Kid is still out and has a neck brace on. Bardelli says that he’s “concussed” and has a GCS of 14. Pratt says for both of them to be taken to Exam Two as he heads towards Trauma One, past Meat back on the bed in the Curtain Area. Sam tells Meat that it might take a little longer this time, and he says that he knows and that some of the others look pretty bad. She walks towards Exam Two and he calls her that the “next time we go out, I’m driving”. Hee.

Sam heads into Trauma Two, where Azamat is making with the babbling loudly again. Abby asks if anyone knows what language it is. Sam says “Sounds like Farsi, maybe?” How the hell do you know that, Sam? Like you’d have the first clue what Farsi sounded like. Bardelli tells her that Little Kid needs a line and she tells him to grab something from Trauma, but I don’t catch it because I’m still trying to figure out how Sam pulled “Farsi” out of her ass … Bardelli heads into Trauma Yellow where Pratt, McEgo and Lily are with Shaved Head. Pratt is telling him to take slow, deep breaths, and to give the medicine a chance to work. McEgo spots Bardelli and, shooting a glance at Pratt, says “Hey, Bards … Captain Mahoney still with 43’s?” Bardelli apparently had pancakes with him this morning. Thanks for the info, Bardelli. Did you have chocolate chip smiley faces on them, or were they plain? What? I’m hungry. Luka didn’t bring me my Jell-o … McEgo tells him to tell the captain to check his email. Bardelli wants to know if McEgo is picking up shifts, but he says that it’s about an “EMT applicant”, which causes Pratt to look over at him. McEgo tells Pratt that Captain Mahoney is on the EMT Selection Committee as Luka comes in and asks Pratt, “What am I missing?” Well, apparently my Jell-o, Luka. Pratt fills him in that Shaved Head has tight asthma and that everyone else is stable. Behind Luka, MA starts crashing and Haleh moves to start compressions as she calls over “Dr. Kovac!”

Luka rushes back in as we hear the paddle charging sound go and Haleh tells him “V-fib”. Luka grabs the paddles and a random nurse puts the gel on them. As Luka rubs the paddles together, Father Patrick asks him what happened. Luka doesn’t answer and calls “Clear!” and zaps MA, which puts him back into sinus rhythm. An open-mouthed Father Patrick just watches all this. Luka checks and says that MA’s got a pulse, to which Father Patrick thanks God. Luka asks Father Patrick if his son is married and Father Patrick says that MA never met the right girl. I guess he wasn’t a Metalhead that hung around at the Dairy Queen then … Luka asks Father Patrick about his wife, but Father Patrick says that she died in 1982 as he moves closer to MA. He leans over and tells MA that he’s doing better and asks him to open his eyes. Haleh tells Luka that the BP is 90/65 and Luka tells her to up the dopamine. Father Patrick, voice breaking a little, tells MA to hang in there. Luka watches this father’s emotional plea to his son.

McEgo is trying to intubate Shaved Head but is having trouble and calls for more cricoid. Pratt tells him to pull out, the sats are dropping. McEgo complains that the chords are way interior and Lily interjects that Shaved Head is getting harder to bag. Pratt heads into Exam Two where Little Kid is awake and sitting up. Pratt tells Sam he needs an ET view and she says she’ll be right there. Abby is wheeling back Azamat’s gurney, saying that the head CT is clear on “Flower Guy”. Azamat’s still going on and on. A woman in hunter green scrubs comes over and asks Abby, “You need a Farsi translator?” Abby starts to tell her that Azamat has a head injury so he might be disoriented. And in this scene, you can really hear Abby’s cold that she mentioned to Luka in the beginning of the episode in her voice. If Maura Tierney doesn’t actually have a cold, then she really is talented and I’m totally envious because I would have killed to have the ability to fake an illness that convincingly when I was in high school. Not that she got to use that talent when she was in school – I remember an interview where she said that she seldom stayed home sick from school because if she was there, her mom would make her vacuum and clean. Hee. Farsi Lady starts talking to Azamat, but he seems to be getting even more agitated. Farsi’s all snottily, “He doesn’t speak Farsi” to Abby. Jeez, fuck off, Farsi, that was really rude. Farsi then starts to head out, adding a bit more politely, “I think that’s Armenian … sorry”. Much better, Farsi. Abby’s all hopeful with her nasally/throat infected sounded voice, “Any Armenian nurses up there?” Hee. Azamat’s babbling nonstop to her, but Abby, with her hand behind her back, just shrugs with a “Yeah, seriously, no clue what you’re saying here, pal” eyebrows up, mouth set look and head shake. Hee. Meanwhile, Little Kid has gotten up out of his bed behind her. He happily says, “Hey … that’s him”. Azamat sees the kid and gets a huge smile on his face and says “Hey!” and then a bunch of other non understandable stuff. Abby, leaning down to look Little Kid in the eye, asks how he knows Azamat. Little Kid tells her that Azamat saved them. Little Kid starts asking where his brother is and takes off towards Trauma Yellow before Abby can stop him. She chases after him as he bursts through the door, seeing Shaved Head on the table and Pratt still trying to intubate him. Little Kid starts yelling “Julio! It’s me … Tomas …” as Abby grabs him and gently holds him back. Little Kid tells them that Shaved Head has asthma. Pratt says that they figured that part out. Abby glances back in at Azamat, and then tells Pratt that they’re brothers. Pratt asks Little Kid how this happened and he says that they were going to the drugstore and Shaved Head couldn’t walk or talk. He said that Azamat threw them in the back of his van and drove to the hospital. McEgo looks over to Azamat and says, “So Yakov there’s the Good Samaritan”. Nice stereotyping, McEgo. And why am I not surprised that you’d be a Yakov Smirnoff fan. Pratt can’t get the tube in and tells McEgo to bag him. Little Kid says that Shaved Head “dropped his spray” if they need it and holds it out to them. Abby takes it and starts to lead him away so he won’t see all this, telling him that there’s a better place to wait. He protests that he wants to stay with his brother, but Abby assures him that it’s okay and that they’ll be back in a few minutes. Lily asks Pratt if he wants to try fiberoptic and he says, “Nope. I want Sam”.

And how about that, as if on cue, the camera switches to Sam wheeling some equipment through the Curtain Area. She tells Meat that they’ve got a guy who’s not breathing and Meat tells her that it’s okay, he can wait. Sam continues her leisurely stroll over to Trauma. Um, Sam? You just said there’s a guy not breathing – maybe you’d like to pick the pace up a little. Idiot. She calls over her shoulder to Meat that she’ll be there soon.

Sam walks into Trauma Yellow and says that she’s “got everything”. Instead of being, “Well it’s about freakin’ time!” like I would have been, Pratt squanders the opportunity for a good Sam bitch-out and doesn’t say anything. Lily says that the pulse ox is 89 and McEgo thinks that the sats are good enough to tube, but Pratt wants a cushion and wants them to get them up to 95. Sam hands Pratt a blue wire. He tells McEgo that there’s a tiny camera at the end of the tube as we McEgo’s face on the laptop screen behind Sam. Ugh. McEgo leans in and tells Pratt that he can get a copy of last year’s EMT exam for his brother. Pratt’s all “Excellent. Now Dean Wormer can't put Delta House on probation” … Pratt nods at him dismissively and says “Good” in a “Now is so not the time to be discussing this, asshole” tone. Sam says that the sats are up to 92. As McEgo bags, he tells Pratt that he’ll also find out who’s doing the interview, find out his hobbies, favorite sports teams, but Pratt’s really not paying any attention as Shaved Head’s sats are now up to 95. Pratt starts to motion for McEgo to move out of the way, and McEgo asks if it’s okay if he does the intubation. Pratt, realizing he kind of owes something to McEgo now, tells him that he’ll give him one shot. Sam asks if he needs a laryngoscope and he at first says “yes” then looks at Pratt who’s shaking his head and corrects “no”. Pratt tells him to just watch the screen and pass it through the chords. McEgo sticks the tube into Shaved Head’s throat, giving us the play-by-play as we see it on the screen. Eww. He gets the tube in and tells Lily to bag. Pratt looks over into Trauma Green where Luka is doing compressions on MA. He tells McEgo that it looks like Luka could use a hand in there. McEgo looks over and thanks Pratt for letting him do the intubation, saying that it was a good thing for him to learn. What? Actual sincerity from McEgo? Wonders never cease. Next you’ll be telling me that some people actually find Carter sexy … Nah … It’s too hot for hell to have frozen over …

McEgo enters Trauma Green as Haleh calls out “V-fib”. Okay, now I know for sure that things are mixed up and that was just a fluke on McEgo’s part – Shaved Head’s in Trauma Yellow, aka The Trauma Room of Impending Doom and he’s doing fine, while MA’s in Trauma Green and it looks like he’s up shit’s creek without paddles … except for defribillator paddles, that is … Luka tells McEgo to take over compressions. And I think this is the first time we’ve seen Luka doing CPR since the hand-squish in the vise grips in Murmurs of the Heart. Guess it’s all better. And his hair’s looking good this ep, as is Abby’s. Guess there must have been some intense restorative healing moisturizing treatments going on in their Hair Salon … Bitch … Luka calls for another amp of epi and for the paddles to be charged to 360. Father Patrick mutters for them to “shock” MA and that it worked before. Luka zaps MA, but he’s still in fib. Luka sighs and turns to Father Patrick, telling him that they’re not making much progress here. A confused Father Patrick wants to know what that’s supposed to mean. Luka explains that MA’s heart is too weak and it’s not responding to their medicine. An upset Father Patrick asks “You’re not giving up?” Luka assures him that they’re not, but he needs Father Patrick to understand that it’s not looking good. Getting more and more dismayed, Father Patrick wants to know if Luka’s saying that MA could die. Luka hands that paddles back to Haleh as McEgo tells Father Patrick that it’s a possibility. Father Patrick, distraught, holds MA’s hand and with wavering voice says, “No … he’s my son … he’s my little boy …”. Oh, this is sad. Father Patrick pleads with MA not to leave him as Luka moves over to Haleh, leans in and tells her to call Social Work. Father Patrick wails, “Don’t leave me!” as Luka watches, obviously affected by this. Father Patrick sobs repeating more plaintively, “Don’t leave me” as he holds onto MA’s hand.

Meat is bitching to Sam how he’s in pain and he’s been there for three hours. Sam doesn’t get it, so she’s all apologetic. He goes on “You haven’t done crap for me”. Catching on, Sam laughs and tells him not to start that again. Meat smirks and says “Look where it got me last time”. Sam keeps writing on the chart, grinning and shaking her head. She tells him that all the docs are busy and she needs an order for IV sedation. Well, Abby didn’t look too busy to me, Sam. Last we saw her, she was babysitting … Meat wants to know if Sam can just “pop it back in” and she’s all incredulous, “Without painkillers?” This Meat’s tough and says that he’s been shot before so he can handle it. Sam’s not so sure and thinks that a doctor should do it. Meat starts teasing her not to be a wimp and starts to tell her to “pop this baby back in place so we can …” as she grabs his knee and twists it, putting the patella back in place with another lovely crunching noise. Meat cries out and throws his head back on the pillow. Sam’s self-satisfied smiling at him until she realizes that he’s not conscious. She reaches over to check his pulse and starts rubbing his sternum, saying “Hey … hey … tough guy …”, but he’s not responding.

Luka shocks MA’s heart again. Haleh looks at the monitor and says “asystole”. Oh no. McEgo resumes compressions as Luka sneaks a glance at Father Patrick. He nervously taps his finger against the clipboard he’s holding before addressing Father Patrick, quietly telling him that it’s been 45 minutes. A distressed Father Patrick asks if a cardiologist should see MA. Luka tells him that they’d do the same thing. McEgo says that it’s too late. Father Patrick looks back and forth between them, crying, “No!” Luka says “We’re going to stop now … I’m sorry …” Overcome, Father Patrick howls, “Danny! … Danny!” as the monitor flatlines. Father Patrick leans over MA, lifts a shaking hand to his son’s face, touching him tenderly before kissing him on the cheek, then embracing him and weeping, “Oh my God … What am I going to do?” Jesus, this is heartbreaking. McEgo points towards the door where Liz the Social Worker is standing and tells Father Patrick that there is a social worker here that will help him. WTF, McEgo … You may have been working on the guy for the better part of an hour, but to Father Patrick his son JUST died – can’t you give him a minute for Christ’s sake??? Jeez … Grief-stricken, Father Patrick wails, “How could this happen?” over and over as he rocks his son back and forth. Oh, man … Now I’m crying. By the look on his face, I can tell that Father Patrick’s also gotten to Luka as much as he’s gotten to me. As Father Patrick sobs and sobs as he holds his son, McEgo tells Luka that he’ll do the coroner’s report and heads out. A somber Luka heads to the door with Liz. She promises that she’ll make sure Father Patrick is taken care of. Luka doesn’t say anything as he looks back at Father Patrick, still holding MA, as Haleh has an arm around him, patting his back comfortingly. So sad …

After commercial, McEgo’s back in Trauma Yellow with Pratt, who’s looking at films and giving orders to Lily. And McEgo’s stubble continuity shenanigans are really getting on my nerves, as he’s clean-shaven again in this scene. Pratt tells him that Shaved Head may have a small pneumo and wants him to call Radiology for a “wet read”, and I really don’t think I want to know what that is. Camera pans to show Abby sitting on a chair next to the bed, working on charts with Little Kid by her side. He asks how long Shaved Head is going to sleep and Abby says that it might be a while. Little Kid wants to know if they can go home after Shaved Head wakes up, and Abby explains that his brother is going to have to be there for a couple of days. Little Kid wants to know if he can stay with him, but Pratt tells him that he’ll have to go home at night. Little Kid is all “By myself?” Abby says no and tells him that they’re calling his parents, to which Little Kid says that it’s just them. What? They’re just now calling and just now finding out that this kid has no parents? Damn, this hospital sucks. Abby watches Little Kid as he says that ever since their mom died, his brother’s been his guardian. She asks if he has any aunts or uncles, but he doesn’t. Abby nods and smiles at him, reassuring him that they’ll figure it out and tells him that he can hang out here for now. Little Kid is happy and tells his unconscious brother that he’s staying with him.

Sam is still trying to wake up Meat as Abby comes over and asks if she needs a doctor. Sam says no and says that Meat just “vagaled” and lowers the head of Meat’s bed. Usher comes up to Abby with the lab results for “John Doe” and tells her that it’s clean, and Abby’s greatly relieved as she takes it from him, thanks him and heads towards Admit. Sam gives Usher the orders for the repeat knee on Meat. As he starts to walk away, she follows, asking how a 10-day cruise turned into two months. Usher laughs and tells her that her Gaudy Grandma Gracie will fill her in. They get to Admit and we see Abby on the phone behind them as Sam eyes him up and says that Gaudy’s not talking. Usher says that after they docked in Singapore, he showed Gaudy some of his old haunts, they climbed the Temples of Penang, they cycled the coast and then they elephant trekked. Yeah, right. Gaudy didn’t even do to well with the walking, Usher, I doubt she trekked with some elephants. Usher says that they got held up at the Cambodian border and they’d still be there if Gaudy hadn’t tapped into her 401K. Uh oh. Sam’s not liking that. Guess there goes your inheritance, eh, Sam? She shakes her head and walks away, saying that it’s too much information.

Abby’s still on the phone and says, “Hey, Miranda. How’s he doing?” as she once again reads over the lab results. Abby’s eyebrows raise in surprise and she asks, “102?” Abby’s obviously not too pleased with this news. She starts to asks “Well, did you give him the Tylen-- …”, stops to listen, then tells “Miranda” to call her after MoJo’s nap. A not happy Abby hangs up the phone as McEgo and Liz walk behind her. Liz tells McEgo that MA doesn’t have any relatives or long term care insurance and that he just worked all day and took care of his dad all night, but didn’t plan for this. Liz gives McEgo some advice “Take home lesson: Don’t assume you’re going to outlive your dad”, and walks away. Abby’s looking away, obviously still distracted by MoJo’s fever as once-again-McStubbled points in Liz’ direction and says that Pratt told him that she needed a social worker for her “asthma kid”. Abby thanks him and heads off after Liz. Usher comes over and tells McEgo not to get too busy because there’s a guy out in the lobby looking for him. McEgo looks over to see Hammer, who waves to him. McEgo makes a “great, just what I needed” face and heads over.

McEgo and Hammer are walking to the Roach Coach. Hammer thought they could have lunch, but McEgo says shortly that he’s got five minutes and hands him a coffee cup. As they fill their cups, he asks Hammer how the interview went, and Hammer admits it didn’t go so well. The all-knowing McEgo says “You didn’t get the job, right?” and Hammer says no. McEgo wants to know what happened and Hammer bitches “I don’t know anything about Word”. Hee. And Bill Gates likes it that way so he can sell you even more software to teach you how to use that software, Hammer. Bastard. Then Hammer asks “And what the hell’s Excel?” Hee. My boss asks that all the time. McEgo sarcastically says that it wasn’t a good fit. Hammer wants to know since when do you need a computer to do a day’s work. Obviously, you’ve been asleep for the past quarter century if you have to ask that, Rip Van Hammer. McEgo starts offering suggestions for other jobs that Hammer can try for, but Hammer’s got an answer/excuse for each one. McEgo thinks that something will come up. Then he tells Hammer that he could help him out tonight. Since he doesn’t want Deej cooking, he gives Hammer some money and asks him to go to the grocery store and get some groceries. Really, McEgo? Is that what you get at the grocery store? McMoron … He tells Hammer to cook dinner tonight. Not taking his eyes off the cash, Hammer tries to protest that he can’t take McEgo’s money. Sure you can, Hammer. McEgo insists and reminds him that he used to love to cook at the fire house. Hammer mutters, “yeah, yeah, yeah”. Thinking about it, he says that he could do a chicken pot pie or maybe a London broil and says that “the boys” always liked his London broil. Walking away, McEgo tells him “Surprise me”. Uh oh. “Surprises” are never good on this show …

Abby enters Exam Two to find two janitors mopping the floor and broken ceiling tiles all over the place. She’s all confused until another random nurse comes in and tells her “Patients are in the hall, Abby. A water pipe burst”. Abby sighs, “Okay” and follows Random out. In case we had forgotten that she has a cold, Abby sniffs her stuffed up nose and calls out, “Rose Nichols?” Anyway, a little girl with gi-huge-ic hair sitting on a gurney raises her hand and calls out “That’s me!” Abby heads over to Huge Hair, says “hello” and introduces herself. Reading Huge Hair’s chart, Abby sees that it says fever and a cough. A woman who must be Huge Hair’s mom chimes in that it’s been for almost a week. Gee, this sounds familiar, huh, Abby? Abby asks Huge Hair how she’s doing and Huge Hair answers “I’m a little under the weather”. Hee. Abby puts a pulse ox on her and says that there are a lot of colds going around and sometimes it takes a couple of weeks but kids usually get over it. Unlike yourself Abby, whose cold seems to get worse with each passing scene. Abby puts her steth on to take a listen as the pulse ox starts beeping. She reads the monitor which says 81. Mrs. Huge Hair asks “81?”, and Abby looks at it again and then takes the lead off of Huge Hair’s finger, saying that they’re not getting a proper signal. She readjusts it and resets the monitor, then takes a listen to Huge Hair’s lungs. Abby says “Uh oh” and Mrs. Huge Hair nervously asks, “What?” Removing her steth, Abby says that it sounds like pneumonia and Huge Hair’s oxygen level is really low and tells her “I think we’re going to have to admit you”. Mrs. Huge Hair, channeling the voices of worried moms everywhere including our very own Abby, says “Everyone said she was fine, but I knew it was more than a cold”. Abby glances over at Mrs. Huge Hair with realization dawning on her face.

Neela’s checking over Azamat’s chart and tells a yet one more random nurse, who’s standing on the other side of the bed, that he’s clear for discharge. Yet One More translates for Azamat, so I guess they did have an Armenian nurses “up there” after all, Abby. Azamat asks something and Yet One More questions Neela about how the boys are. She responds that they’re doing well. Yet One More tells this to Azamat, who gets a big smile on his face. He turns towards Neela chattering on, and grabs her hand with both of his and brings it to his lips so he can kiss it. With an embarrassed smile Neela asks “What?” and Yet One More tells her that Azamat is asking Neela for a date. Oh for the love of God. Neela really is the new Abby. Not only is every male doctor in the hospital … except The Pretty … Bitch … in love with her, but now every male patient, too? Jeez … The New Abby hands Yet One More the chart and tells her to repeat the CT because she thinks Azamat’s still altered. Hee. Arm held out towards her, Azamat calls stuff out to her as Neela shoots him a “yeah, get real” look before walking out the door. When the door closes behind her, Azamat quickly gets over his disappointment and leans towards Yet One More with a “come hither” look as she gives a “don’t even think it” stare back. Hee.

Neela approaches Admit and sees Ray. She tells him that she didn’t know he was here. Yeah, neither did I, Ray, considering the ep’s half over and this is the first we’ve seen you. Ray tells her that he just got there. Well, that explains it. She tells him that she’s seen some trauma today and he says that he’s heard. What trauma has Neela been involved in??? That was weird. Ray tells her that the guys from his old band are playing this Saturday night at Exit. Neela hesitates before saying that she might be on call. Ray gets it and says “So, we’re still waiting?” Neela dismisses that it’s only been a week. Ray scoffingly laughs, “O – okay” and says that he’s going to go clear some of the beds, saying “see ya” as he walks away. Neela looks over towards the doors and Botox-scowls at what she sees. “Sarah?” she asks, as she heads over. Deej walks up and asks if Neela’s seen McEgo. Neela says no but she’ll look around. A disappointed Deej tells her that it’s okay, she’ll do it. Neela says okay and walks away. Deej thinks about it for a minute, then follows Neela and asks if maybe she could help her and Neela replies “Sure”. Deej looks around a little before confiding in Neela that it’s “kind of personal”. Oh no. Deej is in love with Neela, too, right? Neela leads her to an Exam Room.

In the room, Deej tells Neela that she needs a “vaccine”. Neela asks which one and Deej tells her “HPV”. Deej explains that it prevents cervical cancer. Um, Deej … If you haven’t noticed Neela’s blue scrubs, let me fill you in … She’s a freakin’ doctor! I think she knows what the human papillomavirus vaccine is … Nitwit … Neela’s not getting why Deej is asking her so Deej explains that the school nurse gives it, but you need your parents' permission or your grandparents' permission to get it. Deej says “They wouldn’t understand”, and I guess she’s talking about her grandparents on that one. Scowling again, Neela asks if McEgo knows about this. About the HPV vaccine? I know he’s a dyslexic furry-faced asshole moron, Neela, but he did graduate from medical school and is practicing medicine, so I’m pretty sure he’s at least aware of what the acronym stands for. Deej tells her “Not yet” and asks if Neela’s going to tell him. Neela says no, and that it’s private. Deej says that it’s okay, and Neela can tell him if she wants to. Neela asks why Deej didn’t go to her pediatrician. Deej gets all uppity with her pre-teen self and bitches that he only takes care of “little kids” and thinks she needs a new doctor anyway, asking Neela if she knows a good GYN. Hee. The “deer caught in the headlights” look on Neela’s face is hilarious.

Luka, Liz and McEgo are walking down the hall and Luka is asking Liz, “So you can’t place him?” Liz says that the best she can hope for is a “crappy nursing home that will accept $100 a day from Medicaid”. McEgo chimes in that Father Patrick isn’t sick enough for a nursing home and that he needs assisted living. Liz says that neither Medicaid nor Medicare will cover that and Father Patrick can’t afford it. Luka asks “What about the son’s assets?” Liz says that they’ll be tied up in probate for a year and that she’s tried three Board-and-care’s and they want cash – today, adding disgustedly, “Greedy bastards”. Hee. I like Liz. She’s totally got the whole put upon/dragged down by the job demeanor of someone who works in county social services. Liz thinks they have an even bigger problem because she’s not sure that Father Patrick is competent enough to consent to nursing home placement. McEgo doesn’t think that Father Patrick seemed that altered. As they approach the Family Room, Liz tells them that Father Patrick’s Alzheimer’s gets worse as the day goes on. Oh, that sucks, Father Patrick. Luka says knowingly, “Sundowning”, which refers to how some Alzheimer’s patients often have behavior problems in the late afternoon and evening, where they may become demanding, suspicious, upset or disoriented, see or hear things that are not there and believe things that aren't true. Thanks, Alzheimer’s Association of Los Angeles. They look through the window at Father Patrick, who is sitting on the sofa, cards laid out on the coffee table in front of him like he’s playing Solitaire. Luka says that they’ll need someone with durable power for Father Patrick’s healthcare decisions. Liz says that the son had it, adding sarcastically, “Lot of good that does us now” and that they’re scrambling to get emergency state guardianship. Pratt comes up and asks Liz if she’s had any luck finding a foster home for Little Kid as Luka continues to gaze in at Father Patrick. Liz smirks that it’s “a piece of cake compared to this”. Bettina the Radiology Woman who sort of dated Pratt comes up and addresses him “Dr. Pratt. You called for a “wet read”?” He tells her that he did for a possible pneumo, says “Excuse me, please” to Luka, who nods to him, and follows Bettina down the hall over to one of the x-ray light boxes. Pratt’s all smiles as he’s all smooth, playing The Ladies Man, saying to her that he hasn’t seen her in a few weeks. Bettina’s all business as she pointedly replies, “I was doing an invasive fellowship in Dallas … For six months …” Oh, snap … Ouch, Pratt. I felt that sting all the way over here … Pratt tries to cover, “Really? Well, I sent you a few emails …” Continuing to look at the x-rays, Bettina replies in a “gee, that’s funny” tone, “Well, I never got any of them”. Pratt thinks that she must have changed her address but Bettina informs him that she’s had the same address for seven years. Ouch again, Pratt. Damn, you suck. Bettina stares him down and asks if he thinks there’s “some pathology here?” Oh, Pratt, you might as well just give it up because Bettina sooooo has your number … unless you changed it …

Ray is in the Curtain Area with some nerdy-looking guy who’s in the bed next to Meat. Ray asks him if he’s having palpitations, like his heart’s skipping a beat and Nerdy says that it’s more like it races every now and then. Sam asks Ray if he’ll look at Meat’s knee x-ray and hands it to him. Nerdy’s monitor starts beeping fast and he scrunches up his face and cries out “Ahhh, it’s happening!” Sam and Ray look at the monitor going crazy and Sam says that she’ll get the crash cart. Nerdy says that his chest is going to explode and Ray puts his fingers to Nerdy’s neck to check his pulse. Ray calls for 100 of lido as Neela walks up and asks if it’s anything surgical. Just then Nerdy’s monitor goes to a normal beep and Ray says in a surprised tone “Stable v-tach”. Sam says that Nerdy’s responding to lidocaine as Nerdy does a relieved “aaah, that’s better …”. Neela says sardonically, “Well, I guess you won’t be needing me then” and turns to leave as we see McEgo leaning on the counter behind her. She heads over to him. Ray starts giving Sam orders, all the while watching Neela’s interactions with McEgo.

Neela asks again less-stubbled Uncle Ego if he knew that Deej was there. McEgo’s all “huh?” and Neela tells him that Deej is asking for the HPV vaccine. McEgo’s all “You’re kidding me?!” and starts to ask “Does that mean she’s …”, but Neela cuts him off and says that they didn’t get that far. McEgo rolls his eyes at Deej wanting the whole world to know how grown-up she is. Ray is still eyeballing the exchange from over at Nerdy’s bed. Neela tells McEgo not to worry about it because it’s just a phase that girls go through. Just then Luka calls to McEgo from off camera. McEgo yells back that he’s coming. Neela covers his left hand with hers, comfortingly and wishes him luck. Ray doesn’t fail to miss this byplay.

McEgo walks down the hall to where Liz is on the phone, Luka standing nearby with arms folded, obviously interested in her conversation. Liz says “Thanks for your help … I’ll hold” into the phone and then tells Luka that they’ve had a miracle – they got a guardian assignment and two nursing homes to choose from. Luka’s very relieved and says “Great”. He thanks Liz and leaves her to her phone call as he and McEgo head off down the hall. McEgo asks if Luka thinks Father Patrick will be able to decide which home he wants to go to and Luka hopes so.

In the Family Room, a befuddled looking Father Patrick clutches his cane to him and seems very uncertain and perhaps even a bit frightened. Luka and McEgo enter the room and walk over to sit with him. Luka greets him and Father Patrick asks when he’s leaving. McEgo informs him that’s why they’re there to talk to him, but Father Patrick doesn’t know what there is to talk about. Luka explains that they found a couple of places that can take him tonight. Father Patrick wants to know what kind of places, and Luka replies, “Convalescent homes”. Father Patrick smiles and says that he has a home. McEgo says that Father Patrick’s going to need help now getting around and meals and things, but Father Patrick doesn’t get it because he says he has help, and as far as meals, “We eat dinner at seven”. Father Patrick then tells them that “Somebody ought to call Danny and tell him I’m going to be late”. Oh no. Luka stares at Father Patrick, realizing what’s happening. He and McEgo share a look. Luka hesitates a moment, then quietly addresses a smiling, oblivious Father Patrick, “Wayne … you … know about … Danny …” Father Patrick just looks forward with a blank stare. Luka gently prods him, “Remember?”, but it’s clear that Father Patrick has no idea what Luka’s talking about. After a moment, he says “Sure, he went out to bid on a job this morning … “, then states that MA ought to be home by now. Luka glances down, unsure of how to proceed. McEgo tries, “Wayne, you know Danny was in this hospital today …” as Father Patrick is again with the blank stare before looking over at McEgo and scoffing, “What? Danny? Nah … Danny’s not sick”. Luka chimes in that MA had a heart problem. Father Patrick looks back and forth between them, confused. He says that no one told him anything about that. Luka looks compassionately at Father Patrick as he tells him, “His heart … stopped beating …” McEgo continues that they worked on him for over an hour as a stunned Father Patrick just gapes at them disbelievingly. He asks them where MA is and if he’s better now. Luka, heavy-hearted for having to once again break the terrible news to this loving father, pauses before coming out with it as simply yet sympathetically as he can, “He died, Wayne”. Father Patrick gasps and covers his mouth with his hand, in shock. Luka repeats, “Danny’s dead”. Father Patrick piteously cries, “No …”, before shaking his head and defiantly saying that he doesn’t believe it. He stands up and insists that it’s not possible. Luka’s fabulously fine features show that’s he’s definitely deeply distressed at having to subject this poor man to that kind of pain again. Agitated but determined, Father Patrick wants to see his son. McEgo tells him that his son is in the morgue. A shaken Father Patrick wants them to take him there, repeating it as he starts to break down, imploring them to take him to his son. God, this is just so sad. As he heads to the door, Father Patrick pitiably weeps that he wants to say goodbye. Oh man … I wonder if Abby has any tissues left because I sure could use some Kleenex about now …

After commercial, McEgo is in the Curtain Area talking to Deej who is explaining to him that the HPV vaccination is recommended to be started when you’re eleven. I can’t even be bothered to correct Deej yet again on McEgo’s doctor status, because her peskily prolonged prepubescent pity party pathetically pales to previous persistent poignant parental pain. McEgo’s McIncredibly McReoccuring McRazorFodder thinks they need to talk about this. Oh please don’t.. McEgo starts to lecture that HPV is a sexually transmitted – but Deej cuts him off and insists that she’s not having sex. Seriously … don’t … McEgo’s complains that even if he said yes her grandparents would have to sign off – as Deej yet again rudely interrupts, bitching about how stupid this is because she’s old enough to get birth control on her own … Oh for the love of God and all that is holy … but that he won’t let her get a vaccine that could save her life … Jesus, she’s friggin’ annoying. You don’t need to wait for the paternity results, McEgo. She HAS to be your kid … Even if she is right. That vaccine is recommended for girls her age precisely because they’re not sexually active yet so there’s no chance of them having any of the four types of HPV covered by the vaccine. Mr. McI’mAFuckingDoctorAndShouldKnowThisShit Asswipe. McEgo condescends, “Sarah, you’re twelve years old”. Deej gives him a “tell me something I don’t know, mofo” look. He wants to know what the rush is. Because it’s recommended for girls ages 11-12, you McFreakingTwat !!! … Deej is all imperious as only a twelve year old can be as she tell him that she can’t help it if she’s growing up. McEgo grabs his temples like he’s feeling that headache that he’s giving me … Good … Haleh comes over and tells him that she needs him to fill out transfer papers for Father Patrick. McEgo asks Deej if they can continue this home. Off camera, preferably. Deej is pissed, “So I can’t get it now?” and McEgo tells her “Not today” and walks away. She calls after him “That’s so unfair!” but he just waves her off without even turning around. Nice, McDismissiveDickwad.

Sam’s all smiley as she hands Meat his chart and tells him that they got him five days off work. Meat says that he’s got a self-defense seminar tomorrow and asks her if she wants to fill in. Hee. In the bed next to them, Nerdy’s monitor starts going off again. Sam rushes over and yells “V-tach again!” and calls for Ray. Nerdy starts babbling that this is the third time and how he’s on lido and all and shouldn’t he be in the ICU. Sam stares at him for a moment. Nerdy’s posture is really weird – he’s holding his left hand against his side, under the hospital gown. Sam’s suspicious of something and yanks back the gown to reveal Nerdy tapping his index finger against one of the leads attached to his side. Oooh. Sam asks if he’s been faking it this whole time and Nerdy tries to claim that he has an itch and throws the gown back down over his body. No dice, though, since Sam’s on to him. Pissed, she pulls up his gown again as Ray comes over and asks her what’s the matter. Ray wants to know if it’s Nerdy’s heart, but Sam tells him, “No, it’s his finger” and taps her finger against the lead to show Ray how it makes the monitor beep. Sam keeps doing it and the monitor goes crazy. She fake gasps and says “Uh oh … v-tach again”. Ray looks at her, trying to figure out what she’s up to. He questions, “Sam?”, but Sam’s got fancy plans and pants to match and says “Shockable rhythm”, which gets Nerdy’s attention. Ray starts to question as Sam rubs the defibrillator paddles together, holds them up to show Ray as Nerdy starts to protest, “Uh … no …”, then yells “Clear!” and zaps Nerdy. Oh no, she didn’t! Nerdy cries out, “Ahhh ...!!!” and jumps from the bed. He starts to run away, shouting, “Crazy bitch!” Hee. Sam mutters after him, “Yeah, you’re the crazy one”. Like me, Ray can’t believe she just did that and asks her if she’s lost her mind. Well, duh, Ray. Sam smirks as she tells him that it was only ten joules. Ray’s asks “Really?” in a total “Like that’s going to matter when Nerdy sues the hospital over your blatant misuse of medical equipment, assaultive behavior, pissy demeanor, and really bad dye job” tone. To prove her point, Sam places the paddles against Ray’s chest and zaps him. Hee. He jumps back a little in shock at the shocking, then admits, “Yeah … I guess that’s … not so bad …”. Hee … Sam chuckles and grins at him as Ray walks away, before glancing over at Meat, who’s totally looking her up and down, appreciatively. Sam raises an eyebrow in appreciation of his appreciating …

Bettina the Radiology Woman and Pratt are walking down the hall and she’s explaining to him that “It’s call a negative mock band … It looks like something’s there, but it’s not … Doesn’t even exist …” Pratt’s all impressed and Bettina tells him that it’s a retinal phenomenon. Pratt thinks there’s always something new to learn. Trying to be Mr. Smooth Moves again, he tells her that he’s glad that she’s back and thanks her for the help, before laying it on thick and asking if they can grab dinner some time after work. Bettina plays it cool and gives him a “maybe”, throwing a “call me” over her shoulder as she walks away. Pratt’s all smiley and bowled over by his own charisma. He spots Father Patrick on the hall phone, telling MA to pick up the phone if he can hear him. Shit. Pratt starts to approach him as Luka comes over, letting Pratt know that he’s got it. Pratt leaves Luka to it as Father Patrick hangs up the phone. He tells Luka that he doesn’t like leaving messages on the machine. Luka tells him, “Mr. Rutley, let’s get you back to your room”, but Father Patrick protests that he needs to call his son to let him know where he is. Luka gently leads Father Patrick down the hall.

At Admit, Azamat is being bitched out in Armenian by a guy who looks a lot like him, only taller. Azamat starts shouting back. Abby, who’s on the computer at the desk behind them, tries to get them to quiet down saying “Guys …Guys!”, but they don’t hear her, so she starts shouting too, “Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!… HEY!!! KNOCK IT OFF!!!” … and they shut up. Hee. Taller Azamat apologizes in heavily accented English, explaining that he’s upset. He then complains to Abby that Azamat, his brother, totaled his van. Abby, trying the bright side approach, asks, “Yeah, but aren’t you happy that he’s okay …” Hee … But Taller Azamat is having none of it as he loudly proclaims that without the van, his business is dead. Abby turns to Pratt for backup. Pratt looks like he’s going to say something, but Taller Azamat starts going off “… All because he drives like madman!!!” Pratt interjects that Azamat saved someone’s life, and Abby jumps in with a “that’s the ticket” total agreement “what he said” tone, “Yeah”. Hee. That was helpful, Abby. Taller Azamat wants to know what they’re talking about. Abby doesn’t answer, but again turns to Pratt, who fills in that Azamat was speeding because he had a sick patient in the back. Taller Azamat stares at Pratt for a second before turning to look at Azamat and start jabbering in Armenian to him. Azamat jabbers back. Abby and Pratt share a look before glancing back at Taller Azamat to see what he’s going to do. Taller Azamat looks at them and apologizes, admitting that he didn’t understand. He then turns to his brother and embraces him, patting him on the back. Pratt and Abby watch them, Pratt with a smile of pride for a job well done, Abby with a quizzical, “what just happened?” look. Hee. Azamat and his brother leave, arms locked around each other’s shoulders. Awww …

Sam pushes a wheelchair bound Meat up to Admit and asks Pratt to sign the discharge. Meat asks if he can go out on crutches, but Sam tells him that it’s hospital policy and that the wheelchair is “safer”. Both Meat and Pratt just look at her. Sam sighs like she’s so freakin’ put upon and says “Oh alright … I’ll make an exception” and walks over to where there are various sizes crutches conveniently placed by the doors, which buzz and open as she’s standing there. A dark-haired chick walks in carrying a baby. Hey, is that MoJo? Uh oh … why is she bringing MoJo to the hospital??? I guess Dark Hair must be the “Miranda” that Abby was talking to on the phone. Abby immediately spots them and heads over, a huge smile on her face as she says “Hey, Joe! Hey … How’re you feeling?” As she reaches to take him from Miranda, she tells him that she missed him and MoJo grins happily when he sees her. Awww … how cute are they? Miranda tells Abby that MoJo’s temp is down, but he didn’t want the bottle as she hands Abby the bag full of MoJo’s gear. Sam and the crutches she’s carrying come over to see this adorable kid and can’t believe how big he’s getting. Abby’s all proud mom smiling and agrees “Yeah”. Sam smiles at MoJo again, then heads off. Miranda asks Abby if she needs her to stay, but Abby says no, tells her to have a good night, and Miranda leaves. Abby tries to calm a starting-to-cry MoJo as she asks Sam if Exam Two is open. Sam says it is. Abby’s glances around a bit like she’s looking for someone. Looks like she’s trying to make sure Luka’s not around. Hee. Abby starts walking with MoJo, telling him “Look … This is where Mommy works”, but MoJo’s not too impressed and just keeps whining. As she passes Admit, Abby throws a fast, “Greg, I need a favor” over her shoulder to Pratt and hurries away. Hee. A confused Pratt is like, “Okay …” and follows her.

Luka is wheeling Father Patrick through the doors into the Ambulance Bay. Father Patrick wants to know if Luka’s taking him home. Luka tells him that he’s going to a nursing home. Father Patrick chuckles and says that those places are for “old folks”. Guess his Alzheimer’s must be really bad if he doesn’t realize his own fossilized status … Luka informs him that the home is where he’s going to live, but Father Patrick negates this, saying that he’s already told Luka that he lives with his son. Oh no. Luka stops, staring down at Father Patrick, realizing that memory is gone again. Luka sighs before moving around to the front of Father Patrick’s chair and kneeling down to face him. He tells Father Patrick that he spoke to his son and Father Patrick wants to know if MA is picking him up. Luka explains that MA wants Father Patrick at the new place. Father Patrick asks a little surprised, “He does?” He thinks about it for a moment then asks Luka, “Is he going to be there?” Luka hesitates before coming up with an answer, and saying confidently, “I’m sure he’ll find a way …” Oh, how sweet. Luka looks torn about having to lie to this man, but really what else can he do? It’s just more compassionate to not put this man through more terrible anguish that is simply going to be forgotten shortly by his sadly muddled mind. Father Patrick smiles as he says “So we can have dinner together …” and Luka, not really looking at Father Patrick as he keeps up the charade, responds, “If that’s what you want”. Father Patrick guesses that’s okay as Sam and an on-crutches Meat start to pass by them. Father Patrick tells Luka to tell MA that he won’t start eating until he gets there. As she walks by, Sam touches Luka on the shoulder. Hey, watch it In Need of Botox bitch … hands off The Pretty. You may have been able to take down the Meat, but I’m sure you’d so not want to be messing with the likes of Horrendous Head-cold Abby. She’s already on edge from MoJo’s mysterious mythical malady, you really want to be goading her by sneakily soliciting secret stylings from her scrumptiously sexy Slavic Shampoo Boy? Father Patrick’s dementia must be catching …

Sam and Meat continue walking, and she tells him “Alright, Officer … You are on your own”, as we see a van back up next to Luka and Father Patrick, and Luka open its back door. Meat thanks Sam and tells her that she’s been “great”. Yeah, if you don’t count the twice dislocated knee, leaving you to fend for yourself in your wheelchair when a crazy driver barrels through the Bay, knocking you cold from pain by adjusting your patella without medication, and subjecting you to having to look at her black roots and bad bangs all day, Meat. Sam laughs and says that she thinks his day might have been a whole lot better if he’d never met her. I know the past four seasons would have been for me if that were true, Sam. I’d bet Luka would say the same thing … Meat’s not so sure about that and hopes that he’ll see her “around”. Sam nods, grinning, looking pretty psyched that he wasn’t totally repulsed by her. She watches Meat make his way on the crutches for a moment before turning back to go help Luka get Father Patrick into the van.

After Father Patrick is all settled in the back seat, he reaches into his breast pocket, smilingly asking Luka, “You need a pen?” Luka’s not sure what to do and is all “Um …” as he looks at Sam and then back at Father Patrick. Father Patrick proudly shows him that the pen says “Rutley and Son … Since 1959”, and hands it to him. Luka takes it, thanking him. Father Patrick tells him that when they started, it was just him. He loses his train of thought for a moment before continuing that now MA has four guys working for him. Father Patrick smiles as he praises his son, “He’s a good kid”, then tells Luka, “I’m a lucky guy”. Oh, this poor sweet old man. Luka tells him to take care, then he and Sam close the doors to the van. Luka watches the van drive away, obviously deeply affected by what’s happened today. Sam notices, and touches his arm … Hey, what did I say about the physical contact, Blondie? … Or I guess with those roots it should be Half-Blondie … She asks him if he’s okay. Luka tells her “yeah”, but it’s so clear that he’s not. As Luka grabs the wheelchair Father Patrick just vacated, he asks her “Are you, uh, still in touch with your father?”, and Sam answers, “Not since I was three …” Oh yeah – these two sooooo had such a marvelous relationship for that interminable time they were together during Seasons 10 and 11, ending at the beginning of 12. Thank God … or should I say, thank you, David Zabel … She didn’t know his kids’ names or that Croatia even had beaches, and he didn’t know that she hasn’t seen her dad since she was a toddler … Sam asks “You?” Luka tells her that he’s in Croatia. What? Sam didn’t even know THAT??? … Jeez … In a subdued voice with a definite undertone, Luka says, “I haven’t been there in a long time …” Oh no … why do I have such a bad feeling about that statement …

McEgo comes home to find Deej sitting alone at the kitchen table, eating spaghetti. There’s another place set, presumably for Uncle Almost Clean-Shaven, but Deej started without him. Nice, Deej. McEgo’s not too happy to find just Deej there. He goes to the refrigerator, opens it and sighs when he sees that it’s empty. Uh oh. Deej tells him that she’ll go shopping after dinner, but McEgo doesn’t think so. She bitches that they have to eat. McEgo tells her to come on, and he knows what she’s doing. Deej is all “What?”, and he lists off how she’s been cooking, shopping, paying the bills, and she protests that somebody has to. McEgo just wants her to enjoy being a kid. Deej gets all sarcastic about how she’s supposed to text her friends all day and “hang out at the mall, right?” God, she’s a little snot. McEgo wants to know what’s wrong with that. He then starts to argue that when Deej gets older she’ll have plenty of responsibility as the door opens behind him and a staggering Hammer comes in, happily “Hey”-ing them. He says that it smells pretty good in there as a pissed-off McEgo heads to the refrigerator and opens it, showing Hammer its emptiness. McEgo asks him where the groceries are. Well, duh, McEgo – they’re obviously still at the store. Hammer stares blankly for a minute, then remembers that he was supposed to go buy them. He slurs that he knew he forgot something. McEgo calmly tells Deej to go do her homework, she bitches that she’s not finished yet, and he screams at her “NOW!”, and Deej wisely hightails it out of there. McEgo immediately starts in on Hammer, saying that he gave him $100 for food and want to know how much Hammer’s got left. Hammer doesn’t know, so McEgo grabs his wallet from him. Looks like Hammer’s only got $6 left. Shit, Hammer. Hammer starts to make excuses that it was somebody’s birthday and he bought a couple of rounds. McEgo disgustedly throws the money and the wallet at him.

Abby is sitting on a bed in Exam Two, holding MoJo as Pratt examines his ears. Pratt stands up giving Abby a condescending look as she looks at him hopefully, then tells her there’s “no otitis, no pharyngitis, no nothing”. Abby asks him if he’s sure and Pratt responds sarcastically, “Yeah, I’m sure. This is the healthiest kid I’ve seen in a long time”. Needing even more reassurance, Abby asks him “Really?” and Pratt tells her definitively, “Really”. She holds MoJo up in front of her so she can look at him, and grinning she says to him “Really”, as Pratt leans over her shoulder, making smiley faces at MoJo. Hee. So cute. Abby looks at her son for a moment longer, before saying “Okay” and lifting him to her shoulder as she stands up. Making obvious fake excuses in a “yeah, even I know this is bullshit” cold-induced throat-scratchy tone as she throws the diaper bag over her right non-MoJo occupied shoulder, “Well, you know the babysitter was in the neighborhood, and she was worried so I thought I’d get a second opinion” as she shrugs to a “yeah I so believe that” scowling Pratt who gives her an “I see”. Hee. Abby heads towards the door, stopping as she gets there to turn to Pratt with a sort of sheepish “thanks for indulging an insanely overprotective mother” look and lopsided grin, and thanks him before heading out. Cute scene.

Luka is writing on a chart at Admit as Abby and MoJo come up behind him. Abby does an excited gasp for MoJo’s benefit and smiles at him saying, “There’s Daddy!” Luka turns and sees them, and holding his hands out a little surprised but happy says “Hey”, and greets MoJo in Croatian as he smiles at him. He asks, “What’s he doing here?” as he takes MoJo from Abby. Trying to think up a plausible excuse, Abby hesitates a little “Um … I don’t know … It’s a warm night, I thought we could all take a walk to the Pier” grinning all innocently as Luka lifts MoJo up and MoJo immediately lays his head down on Luka’s shoulder. Awwwww! How adorable is that?!? Luka thinks that sounds nice and says that he’ll go grab his coat as he starts to head towards the locker room with the still snuggling MoJo. Awwww. As they walk, Luka, smirking a bit, asks facetiously, “I guess his urine tested negative”, and a “he’s so got my number, I should have known I wasn’t fooling anyone” pursed-lipped grinning Abby looks at him as he continues kidding her, “Pratt doesn’t think he needs a CBC?” Abby looks away, then turns back with a “just say ‘I told you so’ “ long drawn-out “Noooo …” Luka chuckles, smiling at her and shaking his head as she smiles, too, walking ahead of him and saying it so that he doesn’t have to, “I know … you think I’m acting crazy”. Luka, still smiling, tells her “No, I think you’re acting like a mother”. She glances back at him to see if he’s pulling her leg and he holds up his non-MoJo holding hand with his fingers held marginally apart as he teases her, “A slightly crazy one”. Hee. Abby opens the door to the locker room and holds it open behind her so Luka and MoJo can enter. As she walks towards her locker, she asks Luka if he dispo’d “that Alzheimer’s dad”. Luka responds a bit subdued, “Yeah” as he heads over to sit down on the bench next to Abby’s locker. As she opens her locker, Abby thinks, “Poor guy … It’s so sad”, as Luka sits down and perches MoJo so that he’s standing on Luka’s legs. Abby takes off her labcoat to put it away and Luka comments quietly, “Nah … he’s lucky”. Abby chuckles sardonically, “Uh … what?” Luka, straight-armed holding MoJo out to get him to stand up, replies softly, “Well … he doesn’t have to remember losing his son every day …” Oh, wow … Hearing this, Abby turns and stares at him with a look of surprise that immediately turns to understanding, realizing that even if he doesn’t talk about it often, his losing his children is something that is always with him. She watches him as he quietly plays with MoJo, trying to get him to stand. Abby moves to Luka, slides her right arm along his back to loop around his neck and shoulder, other hand on his other shoulder in a comforting embrace as she stands behind him. He looks up at her, knowing instantly that she gets it, murmurs “hey”, then instinctively rests his head against her for a moment, letting her comfort him as she kisses the top of his head. He lifts his head, purses his lips as he gets a far away look before coming back to the moment and looking at his son in front of him. They both gaze at MoJo, looking like they appreciate how lucky they are. Abby tenderly touches her son’s head and whispers, “Yeah”, as they both smile happily at their little boy. Just lovely.

From a wonderfully done, loving scene to the monotonous miserable malcontented messy meanness of McEgo’s McRepulsive McDysfunctional McICouldSoCareLessAboutThem McFamily … McUgh … McEgo wants to know how Hammer is going to keep a job if every little problem sends him “right back to the bar”, but Hammer retorts that he doesn’t need that kind of job. McEgo sarcastically thinks “Yeah, well, you need something”. Hammer starts spouting off about how he’s a firefighter, rushes into burning buildings and that he saves people’s lives. It pisses him off that now some “snotty rich kid” is trying to tell him how to “make his coffee, answer his phone” and how Hammer got sent back to the copy room because he “made a little smudge on his page”. A smudge on the page, Hammer? I’d send you back, too … and while you’re there, get me a cup of coffee, would ya? Cream, no sugar. Hammer thinks that “it’s not right”. Well, excuse me for not liking sugar in my coffee McAssholeDoesn’tFallFarFromTheTree … McEgo tells him that for 35 years every time he thought it was going to be different, he could always count on Hammer to screw it up. Hammer tries to pass it off as having had a bad day, but McEgo thinks that it’s always something. He wants to know what Hammer is going to do, but Hammer doesn’t know. This scene is so not working for me. I’m just not buying the interplay between them and I don’t know if it’s because these two actors simply don’t have the ability to play off each other or it’s because it’s immediately following the scene between Abby and Luka which was seamless and flowed so naturally that you forget you’re watching people acting, but this argument scene doesn’t ring true and seems too staged … and therefore is hugely annoying. McEgo sits down on the coffee table, trying to contain his emotions and speak calmly, and tells Hammer that he can’t live there. Hammer retorts that he’s “family” and that he’s McEgo’s father. McEgo smirks and asks him “Is that what you think?” Hammer channels me and spits at McEgo, “Screw you, you little bastard. Screw you!” As he heads for the spiral staircase, Hammer bitches that he did his best for McEgo and his mother, that he may not have been the best at home stuff, but he supported his family. He says that he paid for McEgo’s braces. Hee. I knew that smile wasn’t natural … And he paid for McEgo’s books and his mother’s “fancy clothes” and that he never got a moment’s thanks from either one of them, as McEgo sits hunched over on the coffee table, elbows on knees, hands rubbing face, exposing his butt crack for all to see … Nice, McEgo. Just say no to crack … Hammer shouts a last parting shot, “You may not like me, but you owe me. You ungrateful little prick!” Hee. When McEgo hears Hammer slam the door, he gets up from where he’s sitting.

Deej is lying on the bed in her room with the multi-colored window paned doors, with some huge headphones on, looking at her laptop computer. McEgo opens the door and sticks his head in. Nice, McShouldNeverEnterAPre-teenGirl’sRoomWithoutKnocking. Jackass. Deej doesn’t notice him come in, because of aforementioned headphones. As he approaches the bed to sit down, she turns around and sees him. He gestures for her to take the ear gear off and sits down next to her. McEgo tells her that they didn’t get a chance to finish and asks if she wants to talk. Deej sighs and like she’s reluctant but is going to do it anyway, reaches into her schoolbag and pulls out an envelope. She hands it to McEgo, who seems to recognize what it is and asks her when it came. In a quiet little kid voice she replies while not looking at him, “Two weeks ago”. McEgo opens up the contents and reads it as Deej continues sadly, “I was kinda hoping that you were my dad”. Oh, that’s sad. This kid is really good with the emotional stuff. And I guess since she annoys the crap out of me when she’s moody and snappy, then I guess she’s good with the I’m-almost-a-teenager stuff, too. McEgo sighs before looking over at a frightened-looking Deej who asks hopefully, “But maybe there’s still a way that I could live with you?” McEgo, looking like he’s going to cry, pulls her to him and kisses the top of her head, telling her “We’ll see what we can do” as he hugs her tightly. And I kind of hope that they can, since, he’s apparently got a contract to unfortunately be on my screen for at least another season so I’ll have to put up with him and if so, then even though she can act circles around Stamos, this kid seems to be the only one who can make his acting seem even partly believable and possibly even almost sympathetic …


At 12:28 PM, August 26, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG OMG OMG! I've checked this page every day since your last recap Cranky. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! You're the BEST! Now, I gotta call work and tell them I'm gonna be a bit late!

At 4:02 PM, August 26, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 4:20 PM, August 26, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too have checked every day and it has paid off!!! Thank you Cranky this is the best day of the summer!

At 5:09 PM, August 26, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant recap - as ever.

At 5:17 PM, August 26, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG!!! You're back,a brilliant recap that just made my day!!! Thank you cranky!!!

At 5:58 PM, August 26, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, Abby knows Luka just about as well as Sam, in season 12 she had no clue that his father's name wasn't Mongo.

I'd say it's Luka who keeps the info to himself, not the women stupid enough to fall for him.

At 9:08 PM, August 26, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

monotonous miserable malcontented messy meanness of McEgo’s McRepulsive McDysfunctional McICouldSoCareLessAboutThem McFamily … McUgh HEH...could not have said it better myself! Still up to snuff, Cranky! I have missed you...

At 2:27 AM, August 27, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's so good to have you back Cranky!
Thank you for another masterpiece that was worth waiting for!!
It'll help me wait until season 14 begins.
As someone said, the best day of the summer!

At 2:33 PM, August 27, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay! Another recap! I was moseying around the internet, trying to kill some time and thought I'd check the page, though I didn't imagine there would be one. Wonderful as ever, hope you're having a good summer, and Thank You!

At 5:09 PM, August 27, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At long last - a new recap! Lovely!
Thank you so much, Cranky!
Not to make you stressed out or anything, but please keep up the good work now. We're enjoying your recaps so much, you know.

At 6:41 PM, August 27, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

YAY your back cranky YAY
good work as usual

LubyRules forum =

nearly 12,000 posts made

no.3 in the forum charts

the best place to talk about Luka and Abby on the net

you won't regret it


At 7:36 AM, August 28, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I missed you so much Cranky!!! Hope you're fine...
Another masterpiece!

At 3:18 PM, August 28, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...


You just reinforced my obsessive-compulsive habit of checking this bookmark every day for months. I don't know whether to rejoice for the new recap in its fine form, or to curse the habit I'm afflicted with. Actually, it's an easy choice - I'm thrilled to read another recap. Thanks so much for the fun and I hope you're having a great summer.


At 9:52 AM, August 29, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cranky - I have lurked and enjoyed your recaps since mid-season 12 (and went back and read the archives). Love that you include tidbits from your life that we've all thought about, too... like the InStyle kiss of death -- not for any specific couple (or two), of course. Thanks for the laughs.

At 12:49 AM, August 30, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay Cranky! Great recap! It was truly worth the wait!

However, I think you're a little too harsh on Sam. I know she's not perfect and all and I kind of disliked her during some of season 10 and most of season 11, but she's growing into her own character since season 12.

But anyway, great job. I will continue to obsessively check this page every day!

At 2:17 PM, September 01, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! You're back!!! I can't believe it, I was thinking you weren't coming back anymore... THANK GOD! I LOVE YOU CRANKY!

At 5:36 AM, September 02, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I can't say more than that. Thanks God you're OK and writing again.

I was worried about you, I also asked friends if they have news about you and fortunately they did.

Now I understand why you were taking your time, I've got your 3 comments about certain issue REALLY WELL, you cracked me up with those, lol.

Keep writing my friend your public is always checking your blog, but please don't get stressed up, the waiting is so worth.

Best regards,

Viviana B. Soto

At 5:55 PM, September 02, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You back !!!!! Amazing recap, Cranky, back soon as possible....

At 3:46 PM, September 11, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I've sent you a Power Point file to your email YAHOO account about Goran's birthday. Hope you like it.

Viviana B. Soto
Peru-South America

At 3:00 PM, February 09, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sam mammy uo love moninna and


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