ER 13.20 Lights Out

Previously on ER: Pratt and his brother Chaz are walking down a Chicago street and Chaz says that it would help if Pratt would write a letter or something, Pratt asks him for what kind of work and Chaz tells him “an EMT”; Intern Tony Gates, aka John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House but better known in my recaps as Uncle Ego for the tremendous size of his McEgo, tells Pratt that he’ll help Chaz out and I hope to God that he means as a paramedic and not any other kind of helping out …because … Ewww …; Neela tells McEgo that she just doesn’t know “how I fit in” and McEgo shows some real self-awareness by saying that he understands, since the size of his swelled head makes it pretty impossible for anyone else to fit in anywhere; At Sam’s birthday party Neela tells Ray that he “won’t have to wait long”; Back in the hospital, Ray wants to know “So, we’re still waiting?”, and Neela tries to pass it off as having only been “a week” to which Ray scoffs, “Oookay”; Pratt tries to put the moves on Bettina, Radiology Woman, saying that he sent her some emails but she calls him on it by saying that she never got any of them; McEgo confronts his dad, Mike, played by Stacy Keach, who was TV’s Mike Hammer, about where the groceries that he gave him a hundred bucks to buy are and demands to know how much a drunken, head-shaking “I dunno” Hammer’s got left; Annabella Sciorra, who played Gloria Trillo on The Sopranos but on this show plays Diana the photographer, is trying to take a photo of Sam, telling her to “C’mon, smile for the camera, Birthday Girl”, then later in the lounge tells Sam how she has ovarian-cancer, which has recurred for the third time and then unbelievably just makes a present to Sam of an SLR digital camera, whose high megapixels costs megabucks, that I’ve been trying to save up to buy for like ever … Bastards …; Sam tells Luka that she’s going to send her son New Alex, or Newlex, aka Splinter for the similarity of his wooden acting style with that of Neela’s dead husband Gallant, or Plank, yet now referred to as Deadwood, away then sadly adds that she just can’t help but feel like she’s giving up on him and lovely Luka in his Luka Blue II shirt assures her “We both know that’s not true” …

Norah Jones sings “Thinking About You” as an overhead camera pans over Sam, lying alone in her bed and looking none too happy about that fact. Yeah, wellm if you hadn’t so freakin’ insanely kicked the comely Croatian to the curb at the beginning of last season, Sam, you might be having a bewitchingly beautiful becomingly bedraggled bare-bodied Balkan bang-buddy bed-warmer beside you right now rather than the Empty Pillowed Unrumpled Sheets of Pissy Pointless Pathetically Passionless Pity Parties you’ve got going on … Moron ... Yesterday I saw the sun shining, And the leaves were fallin’ down softly … Scene shifts to show a now wet-haired, robed Sam cooking up some eggs … And my cold hands needed a warm, warm touch … Bathrobe Sam heads down the hallway in her apartment … And I was thinking about you … Dressed and with makeup on and hair done … Well, if you can call it that … It’s dry now, but it’s kind of just limp noodle hanging there with the Bathwater-Blonde Bangs of the Dour Glower Botox Scowler as Sam puts her earrings on … Grabbing her handbag, Sam in her completely Cranky-coveted cognac-colored leather jacket heads towards the door … But here I am, lookin’ for signs … Sam pulls the door closed behind her … And the point of that scene except to annoy the crap out of me by making me envy Sam’s newly upscaled outerwear was? …

Hammer is sitting at McEgo’s dining table with Sarah, the recently discovered non-product of McEgo’s loins … Oh, ugh … I just totally icked myself with that thought … but whom I call Deej because since she is living with McEgo, she reminds me of one of the Tanner girls from Full House. Hammer is telling Deej a story about one of the fires he was in during his old firefighting days as McEgo comes down the spiral staircase, listening. Deej is all into this story of flames eating walls “like maggots on dead meat”. Yuck. She asks Hammer, “So where was the little boy?” Hammer tells her that he’d looked everywhere for him, but when they radioed him to tell him to get out, something told him to check again, as the phone rings and McEgo heads over to answer it. Deej is asking Hammer if he was scared and he says he was and the kid was behind the dresser and the smoke was so thick he could barely breathe as McEgo says “Oh, hey, Neela” into the phone. Nice, Neela. You tell Ray that he won’t have to wait long, that you’re getting out of things with McEgo, yet you still call him? You just keep stringing Ray along, don’t you? Your wishy-washy back and forth’ing about whether you actually wanted to be a doctor or not was bad enough in Season 11, but at least no one else was involved and it was just a case of you being simply annoying. Now you’re jerking around not only Ray and McEgo, but the audience as well. Jeez, ER, didn’t you learn your lesson about forcing relationships into geometric shapes with Carter, Abby and Luka when you dangled the Wrangling Mangled Entangled Triangle where Carter worked an angle and wangled to untangle while I wanted to strangle? McEgo, overly interested in Hammer’s non-interesting story, asks Neela if he can call her back in five minutes and hangs up as Hammer is getting to the good part where he was just getting the kid and BOOM!, the second floor caved in. Deej, all impressed, asks McEgo if he’s heard this, but McEgo pissily blows her off, telling her that it’s time for her to go to school. Deej, in all her pre-teen superiority, tells McEgo that it’s teacher conferences today and that she and Hammer are having a cartoon marathon. Oh, I’m so with you on that one, Deej. We just did a Fairly Oddparents cartoon marathon last weekend in my house, so I’m so feeling the animation love … McEgo’s not having it and tells her that Hammer needs to go find a job and that she needs to go to “Heather’s”. Oh, you mean, like Shannen Doherty type “Heathers”? What is your damage, Heather? You know, Deej, you blow it tonight, girl, and it's keggers with kids all next year. Hammer tells McEgo that Heather’s sick. Oh, no, really, Heather? Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? Did you suck down a bowl of multi-purpose deodorizing disinfectant, and then SMASH? Hammer says that he starts working at Home Depot tomorrow. Cool, Hammer. I’m remodeling my kitchen, so can I use your employee discount? Thanks … McEgo, who’s supposed to look skeptically surprised , but instead looks crabbily constipated, doesn’t say anything, causing Deej to prompt hopefully, “Isn’t that great? …” and an unconvinced McEgo grudgingly agrees, “Yeah … great …”

Pratt and Ray head out into the Ambulance Bay to meet an incoming rig. A cropped haired paramedic tells them that they have a female who experienced loss of consciousness at a travel agency. Oh, I totally understand that – she probably got a look at some of the vacation prices. Doors open and we see Chaz, who smiles when he spots Pratt. Pratt’s all “Oh no … damn”, as he smiles back. Chaz goes all business-like, as he spouts off the vitals to Dumar the Paramedic. Ray’s all “Well, listen to you” as he points at Chaz and gives Pratt the “I’m impressed” lip purse and nod. Teasing Chaz, Pratt asks LOC lady, who it turns out is Gloria the photographer, “He hasn’t hurt you has he?” A weakened Gloria says that she’s fine and that she just got dizzy. Pratt introduces himself and tells her that they’re going to take a look at her. Gloria tries to write it off that she didn’t eat breakfast and just got dizzy as they move her gurney towards the doors. She tells Pratt that she wants to go home and he placates her that they’ll try to make it quick. Pratt tells them to take Gloria to Curtain 2 as Dumar hands Chaz the chart, calling him “newbie” and telling him to finish up the run-sheet as they move ahead with Gloria. Pratt puts his arm around Chaz’ shoulders proudly as they walk behind and he and Chaz share smiles.

They enter into the ER and Pratt asks if this is Chaz’ first day. Chaz tells him all the stuff they’ve done so far that day and the shift isn’t even half over. Pratt wants to know how Dumar is treating him and Chaz says that Dumar’s real cool. Pratt presses a bit, “He’s not giving you a hard time?” and Chaz smiles, admitting that Dumar made him stock the rig and get the coffee as Pratt chuckles. Chaz happily tells him that it’s not like he had to “shine the rims or anything”, as they head into the lounge. Pratt warns him to make sure it doesn’t get in the way of his schoolwork, and Chaz assures him that it won’t. Sam and Chuny are standing at the table, looking at some memo thing and Sam asks Pratt if he’s seen it. Chuny says that “Kovac is having a mandatory department dinner next week”. Pratt asks “Now, why would I want to hang out with you losers on my free time?” Hee. I often ask myself the same thing when I’m watching this show, Pratt … Sam chuckles as she empties a packet of sugar into her coffee and says that it’s better than the time that Weaver took them to the “olive plantation”. Hee. Pratt and Chuny laugh as we see McEgo enter and go to the lockers behind them. Pratt bitches that he was “stuck in the toilet for days”. Chaz tells him, “Too much information”, and I am soooo with you on that one, Chaz. Yuck. Pratt asks Sam and Chuny if they’ve met his brother and proudly tells them that it’s his first day on the job. Sam and Chuny congratulate him and McEgo, “hey buddy” ‘s him. Chaz shakes McEgo’s hand and thanks him for everything. McEgo kids him that he’s got to be careful, as he smarmily puts his arms around Chuny and Sam, saying “The ladies love the uniform”. Ugh. Not when it’s flea-infested from the facial roadkill as I’m sure yours was, McInfestation. Double Ugh. Chaz kind of uncomfortably smiles and says “We’ll see”. Pratt watches this, smile fading a little as he gives a “yeah, that’s right, you like boys” nod. Sam hands McEgo the memo. McEgo thinks the dinner sounds like fun and Chuny says that it’s obvious that he hasn’t been to one. Hee. Sam laughs and says that it beats work, which is Pratt’s cue to start handing out some charts, telling Chuny to go take care of Staple Gun Lady in Three, and for Sam to get a liter of NS and an EKG for Gloria in Two. They leave and McEgo asks Pratt what the dinner is all about. Pratt thinks that after County’s lousy Joint Commission Survey, Luka probably just wants to boost morale. And Luka can boost my morale anytime … Just saying …

Luka is walking down the hallway with Anspaugh. Anspaugh asks “What about emergency power for all the rooms?” Luka, sounding frustrated, replies “We’re getting to that”. Anspaugh bitches that the bathrooms still aren’t ADA compliant. What? In a major trauma center. Nice, County. Luka insists that first he needs to update the nurse call systems and get automatic fire doors. Well, that sounds good, Luka, except that ADA compliance is federally mandated and you could get in serious trouble for not taking care of it. Anspaugh says “Well, you’ll have plenty of time to do that when we close”. What??? They’re closing??? How come this is the first I’ve heard of this, Luka? Luka seems exasperated by all this and asks Anspaugh, “Just give me another week … Okay?” Anspaugh comes back at him that he gave him a month. A month, Luka??? Luka retorts with the excuses, “We’re too busy”, but Anspaugh’s not buying it and tells him that they’re busy every day. Luka’s mouth is set grimly as he shoots Anspaugh an annoyed look. Malik follows behind them and tells Luka that his soccer player has a positive culture. Luka throws a quick order over his shoulder to start vancomycin then turns back to Anspaugh, lowering his voice and saying “Look, I haven’t even prepared the staff”. Nice, Luka. Not only did I not know about this, but the staff doesn’t either? Even though I wish you were a bit more consistent with your management competence, you’re yummy in the luscious Luka Blue palette this week after the faulty foray into the glum grays, so I’ll let your slipping supervisory skills slide. Though Anspaugh’s not as benevolent as I am and cuts Luka no slack as he tells him that he has the rest of his shift to do so. As they get to Admit, Luka, starting to get that maybe Anspaugh’s not going to budge, gets a bit snippy with his next try, “What about the patients?” As expected, Anspaugh’s got an answer for this, too, and tells him that they’ve increased capacity at the Urgent Care Clinic. In an incredulous tone, Luka reminds him “You promised shuttles to other facilities”. Anspaugh churlishly spits out that they don’t have enough money for that. With a mirthless sardonic grin Luka dismissively tells Anspaugh, “You have no idea what it’s like to be down here”. Ooh, that kind of tone so isn’t going to go down well with your boss, Luka. And it doesn’t, as an agitated Anspaugh fires back at him, “I’ve covered trauma in this ER for twenty years. We’re trying to improve the way it works”. Realizing that resistance is futile and that it’s a done deal, Luka asks simply, “How long are you going to shut us down?” Anspaugh replies “As long as it takes”, which ticks Luka off even more so that he shoots back like a pissy teenager, “So we can comply with trivial rules?” Anspaugh authoritatively informs him that without accreditation they can’t run this hospital. Luka pleads, “Come on, Donald …”, but Anspaugh’s finished with this and tells him in a no-nonsense tone that in twelve hours they close the ER, “end of story”, then strides away, leaving Luka to gorgeously grit his teeth, doing some fabulously foxy fuming. Seeming like he’s cursing under his breath, Luka’s lovely lips look like they’re forming the word “Fuck” as we crash into the funky graphic opening … Hee …

After commercial, Dawn the nurse is saying to Sam as they walk down the hall, “You heard what he just said … we’re closing down”. Well, I guess Luka decided to get it over with and finally tell everyone. About time, Luka, considering Anspaugh pretty much said that you’ve known for a month. Did you bother to tell Abby before now? We haven’t seen Abby yet, but seeing as how your locks look luxuriantly luscious, I’m guessing you two were too busy playing Hairdresser and her Shampoo Boy and lasciviously lavishing lathering lotion in your in-home Hair Salon and Day spa to discuss such trivial matters as your out-of-home employment … Bitch … Sam tries to reassure Dawn that it’s only temporary, but Dawn says Sam doesn’t know that. Dawn’s suspicious about the dinner but Sam dismisses her concern, telling her that they have the dinner every few years. They do? Sam says that they’re just drinks and dancing and then sounds surprised as she adds that usually you can’t bring a date, so they must be allowed to this year. That’s awfully nice of you, Luka, does this mean you can bring one, too? In that case, I’d better go shopping … I shop, therefore I am … and get my nails done … and my hair … Can you recommend a good salon, Luka? Preferably one that’s not lived in … Bitch … Dawn says that maybe she’ll bring “Wilson” and Sam asks “The cop?”, and Dawn starts to say “They say ‘white men can’t jump’ but he sure can …” as Sam hits her, cutting her off and the two start giggling. Hee. Seeing as how they were flirting a bit earlier in the season, I’m guessing that “Wilson” is Officer Hollis, or as I refer to him, Officer Former Buzz Cut, since last year he was sporting, well, a buzz cut, but it’s grown out some this year. Dawn asks Sam who she’s bringing, but Sam hems and haws before saying “I don’t know”, so I’m guessing Sam isn’t getting any Meat deliveries from that cop from the last ep … Dawn tells Sam that it’s obvious that she has some “stuff going on” and tells says that Sam doesn’t need to keep it all in because “nurses stick together”. Sam pats Dawn’s back gratefully, but tells her that it’s just that she honestly doesn’t know who she’d bring and admits that this is the first time in her life that she’s ever been alone. What? Then what was with all that “me and Alex have always gotten along fine on our own” bullshit you’ve always spouted? And except for the brief period that you let the Sunshine in a few eps back, you’ve been sans man since you dumped Luka … Idiot … like a year and a half ago. Dawn’s all “You’re kidding me”, but Sam’s not and says that now that Splinter is out of the house, she’s got to find something to do with herself. Well, a makeover would be a fine place to start, Sam … Just saying … Dawn conspiratorially tells her, “Girl, it’s called the Rabbit” and that it costs a lot but is worth “every dime”. Hee … Just ask Charlotte from Sex and the City, who got into quite a bit of the Rabbit Habit … And, ewww … I so don’t need to know about Sam’s relationships with electronic devices … Sam just rolls her eyes and laughs with an “Oh God”, before spotting Gloria in the Curtain Area and hightails it over there before Dawn can start giving product demonstrations …

A really-not-looking-too-well Gloria sees Sam and tells her to get “that look” off her face, so I guess Sam must be Botox scowling again and Gloria’s helpfully trying to save her from serious plastic surgery bills down the line. Sam asks Gloria how she is and an out-of-breath sounding Gloria informs her that the cancer has metastasized to her liver, lungs and bones, adding that it’s “not a Kodak moment”. Oh, I’m so sorry, Gloria. That totally sucks. Sam genuinely tells her that she’s sorry, and asks if she’s getting chemotherapy, but Gloria says she’s not, and that she’s done as we hear Luka telling someone “Keep him on the monitor and call for an ICU bed”. Sam looks up as Luka and Ray approach Gloria’s bed. Sam hands Luka the chart and says that Gloria is “Diana Moore” and that she’s hear for syncope and that she has a history of ovarian cancer. Luka introduces himself then takes a look at the chart. Gloria corrects Sam that it’s not a history, it’s now and that it’s end-stage and the doctors need to know that. Luka asks them if they know each other and Sam tells him that Gloria’s been there before, but again Gloria corrects her that it wasn’t as a patient. Sam explains that Gloria’s a photographer and that she’s doing a project on hospice patients. That seems to jog Luka’s memory and he says “Oh, yeah, that’s right … I - I remember you …” Ray examines Gloria’s distended belly and tells her that she’s got pretty bad ascites and Luka explains that her abdominal cavity is accumulating fluid, but Gloria knows what ascites is. Her eyes are tearing and Ray checks them as Gloria goes on, “I took a picture of it … It looks like I’m pregnant …” Sam says that the BP is 92/58. Luka wants Sam to run in a liter of NS, but Gloria doesn’t want any IV’s, and says that she told the paramedics that she’s DNR. Sam protests that it’s just an IV for hydration, but Gloria says she knows how this starts and then you get sucked into the “hospital vortex” and that it never ends up well. Luka and Sam exchange looks before Luka tells Gloria that fluids will make her feel better. Getting visibly upset, Gloria wants them to listen to her, she doesn’t want it – no IV’s, no blood tests, no monitors, no medicines … She then tells them that she’s going to Costa Rica. Ray wants to know what’s in Costa Rica, and Gloria tells him, “The beach …” She looks pleadingly at Luka and nods. He considers her for a second, then tells Sam to give Gloria a liter of oral re-hydration solution. He wants Gloria to stay long enough to show them that she can hold that down. She agrees to that. Luka and Ray start to walk away. Sam follows and asks “Shouldn’t we at least drain some of the fluid?” Ray tells her that they can’t do a paracentesis. Sam wants to know why, because it will help Gloria breathe easier and it will make her more comfortable, but Ray says that Sam heard Gloria, “No blood tests”. Sam implores Luka that it’s just a needle in the belly and it will take him five minutes. Well, hello Abby – as over Luka’s and Ray’s shoulders we see her and her ponytail make their first appearance in this episode, in the Curtain Area. Luka says that Ray’s right, they can’t tap the fluid without checking labs and that Gloria could be dangerously anemic, coagulopathic and it’s not a good idea. As Ray tells Sam that Gloria doesn’t want any treatment and that they should respect that, Abby spots Luka and starts to head over. Sam, not happy with what they’re telling her, walks away, pissed.

Ray walks away just as Abby comes up and tells Luka that his favorite “skin popper” won’t let Abby IND her abscess. Luka, weirdly not looking at her and concentrating on a chart, tells her to just sign the patient out AMA and get her out of there. Abby protests, “Yeah, but she knows you … maybe if you could talk to her you can …”, but he cuts her off sharply, “No …”, as Abby looks at him, taken aback a little by his tone. What’s up with that? Luka get a bad crème rinse in the Salon or something? I could fix that for you, Luka. … Just saying … Finally looking at her, Luka says abruptly, “… We can’t keep convincing people to stay if they don’t want to be here”, then turns to walk away to Admit, telling her bitterly over his shoulder, “We can’t even take care of the ones we have …” Luka strides over to the board, saying loudly, “Okay, listen up … I’ve got re-assignments for all of you during the ER closing” as he picks up some papers and turns around, bending his right leg and putting his foot on the desk as he rests the paper on his knee and faces everyone who’s gathered around. Pratt wants to know how they can just be telling them this today, and I’m with you on that one, Pratt. Luka excuses that he thought he could prevent this, but Anspaugh’s not budging. Malik wants to know how long they’re shutting down for, and Luka admits that he’s not sure. Chuny bitches that she’s sure she’ll wind up giving enemas in Geriatrics, but Luka tells her, no, she’s going to ICU and that Malik is going to Geriatrics, which causes Chuny to chuckle at Malik’s expense. Nice, Chuny. Not looking up from his list, Luka starts calling out the departments that everyone is switching to, telling Pratt that he’s going to Family Medicine and then says, “Abby, you’re going to the NICU”. Abby, who’s looking down, negates this by saying matter-of-factly, drawing out the first syllable to show that there will be no argument, “I-I-I-I-I’m not going to the NICU”, nods then duck-lips as she looks up at Luka with an unwavering challenging “no way in hell that is going to happen” expression. Luka glances at her, then looks away as he says a quick “Right” and stammers awkwardly, “I’ll, uh, fix that …” Hee. Normally, I’d be all over the fact that apparently Abby’s got Luka’s balls again and she’s being disrespectful of his authority in front of everyone, but I don’t think that’s the case here. Abby’s looking away from Luka with a kind of sad expression on her face, like a combination of remembering what happened with both of her NICU experiences - especially the last one and how horrible it was when their son, Mongo Joe Kovac, or MoJo, spent the first weeks of his life in the NICU - and disappointment at Luka’s insensitivity at sending her back there. In his defense, as a boss, he’s probably remembering how Dr. Raab raved about how well Abby did on her NICU rotation and thought it would be a good placement for her, but as her live-in Shampoo Boy … Bitch … and father or her child, he maybe should have realized that place doesn’t exactly hold fond memories for her. And considering how very quickly his face changed from surprised to uncomfortable at her reaction, it seems that he did. I also have to wonder if Abby’s disappointment may also have come from not knowing about the ER closing either, because you would think that if she had she had known about the reassignments she’d have put in a request for where she’d want to go. And Abby’s again sporting those nice-sized diamond stud earrings that she had on in From Here to Paternity and that I’m convinced were a gift for Valentine’s Day from The Pretty, or else they were a prop for role-playing DeBeers’ Executive and her Diamond Miner … Either way -- Bitch … Luka continues that McEgo goes to Anesthesia, which is a good call seeing as he might as well make use of his talent for boring me to sleep, as Pratt glances over at Abby after this exchange with a “yeah, guess you get to make your own rules when you sleep with the boss” scowl and Ray smirks like he’s wondering where Abby’s keeping Luka’s balls. Timmy, the Desk Clerk who reminds me of Usher, asks where he’s going, as Abby is behind him, arms folded and grinning. Luka tells him “the cafeteria”, to which Usher’s all “the caf-a-what???” Doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule? Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though don't they? Abby’s behind Usher laughing, though I’m not sure at what … Usher wants to know “Why don’t they just give me a jockey suit and set me out on the lawn”. Abby is totally cracking up, which is weird because she was doing it before he even said anything anywhere near humorous, and no one else is even remotely laughing, so I’m left wondering if she was supposed to be doing it and what Maura Tierney thought was so funny. Pratt asks if they get to keep the same shifts and Malik chimes in “Do we still get our choice of schedule?” Luka passes it off by telling them that they’ll have to talk to their supervisors about shift scheduling. Morris wants a straight answer and asks if they’re going to shut down the Residency and Luka tells him that these are just alternate rotations until the ER opens again. Ray, getting up to walk away, bitches that is what they told Residents at MLK in Los Angeles and now they’re scrambling for spots in other programs. He keeps walking even as Luka tries to say that their didactic programs with the Residents will continue and for the Attendings there will be some administrative duties to help correct the JC deficiencies. Pratt and Morris roll their eyes disgustedly at this as Luka continues that they’ll also be assigned clinical shifts in the Urgent Care Center. Morris gripes, “Great. Med refills, URI’s and back pain” as Luka walks away from the desk and Pratt gives him the evil eye behind his back, saying “I’ll bet we’re closing for good”. Morris thinks that something stinks and it’s “not the diarrhea in Four”. No, I’m pretty sure it’s the noxious gas of McEgo’s anesthesia, Morris.

Bettina, Radiology Woman, comes up asking “Who has Johnson?”, which totally cracked me up because I’m basically twelve and any euphemism for “penis” is really funny … Abby turns around and says “Oh, I do”, which made me laugh even harder because in addition to Luka’s balls, Abby’s apparently got that, too … Bitch … Bettina tells Abby that there’s no pneumonia but wants to know if she’s aware that “Johnson” has multiple rib fractures. Abby and the gum she’s chewing did know that as she tells Bettina that the kid plays rugby. A “how you doin’, baby?” smiling Pratt moves closer to Bettina, saying “So, guess who’s, um …” as Bettina shoots her eyes over towards Abby. Pratt turns to look at Abby pointedly, and Abby, knowing she’s not wanted while Pratt makes his move, smirks slightly at him and shuffles to the other side of the desk to review the x-ray report. Hee. Pratt wants Bettina to guess who’s going to Family Medicine, but she’s not playing, so he keeps trying to get his groove on and tells her that now he’ll not have to work nights or weekends so maybe she could come over for some dinner and they can “crack open a bottle”, as he raises his eyebrows suggestively at her. Bettina blows him off with a “yeah, maybe” and walks away. Morris sees her and calls after her that he saw her abstract on neuro-imaging and autism and he thinks it’s pretty cool stuff. Bettina’s all flattered and tells him that the paper’s coming out in Neuroscience next month, and he’s impressed though not surprised because she managed to enroll such a big cohort of autistic children. As Morris goes off about how great Bettina’s study was, Pratt rolls his eyes. Bettina’s blown away by the fact that Morris actually read it and Morris says that he sure did and asks that if she ever has time to talk about it more, that he’d love to chat, which is so not what Pratt is wanting to hear. Morris tells her that he’s looking for areas to focus clinical research in the ER and he’d be interested in collaborating with her department. Bettina’s all excited and asks Morris if he’s free for lunch tomorrow, which causes Pratt’s eyebrows to practically go to the back of his head. Morris thinks it sounds great and Bettina’s all smiles as she walks away, leaving Pratt to stand there and stare open-mouthed before turning to Morris and asking, “What just happened?” Hee.

Door buzzer sounds and Gates wheels in a gurney with a Klingon in full Klingon garb sitting on it. He calls over to the desk saying that it’s blunt trauma to the head and arms, assaulted with a baseball bat. That can’t be right, McEgo. Everyone knows that the Bat'leth and the D'k tahg are the traditional Klingon battle weapons of choice. As McEgo says that he’s alert, the Klingon starts doing the loud Klingon laugh. Abby starts to head over, telling Pratt and Morris that she’s got it. Morris says to put the Klingon in Trauma One then asks what happened. Sounding like he’s in pain and holding his left arm tightly against him, the Klingon explains that he was at a Sci Fi Convention and some Romulans started beating him. Probably because you’re not a real Klingon, you big wuss – Klingons don’t show pain! Morris calls for a c-collar as they start to move the gurney. Faux Klingon says that “He accused us inter-galactic rebel warriors of being inferior. He was just being uppity because Romulans are biological cousins of Vulcans”. And they have cool pointy ears with the Moe Howard haircuts, too. Morris says sarcastically, “Of course”. Abby, still chewing her gum and looking slightly amused, either at Faux’ predicament or she’s still got the giggles over whatever the hell it was she was laughing at before, asks Faux where his pain is. Faux says that it’s mostly his shoulder but his arm hurts, too. Abby wants to get a line in and get Faux some morphine and McEgo adds a c-spine film of Faux’s right shoulder and left forearm. Faux starts complaining “It hurts”, because he’s a big baby and obviously never made it through the Age of Ascension ritual and suffered the painstiks to be able to call himself a warrior. McEgo tells him that he’s dislocated his shoulder anteriorly. Faux wants to know if he’s going to die. Oh, Faux, there is no honor in dying from a bum shoulder. As they try to maneuver his gurney into the trauma room, it hits the side of the door, causing Faux to cry out in pain, and Abby flinches sympathetically before answering his stupid question, “Not today”. Today must not be a good day to die, Faux.

Sam walks into the Curtain Area to find Gloria’s bed empty, though her stuff is still there. She asks a bespectacled flattop-headed high school science teacher looking guy in the next bed if he’s seen Gloria and he bitches that “she stumbled off, so did my doctor. Can you find him?” Sam distractedly says that she’ll send someone over as she walks away and Flattop calls after her “Today? Next year? During Cinco de Mayo? When?” Shut up, Flattop! In this hospital, you should just count your blessings that you don’t have shit dripping on you from the ceilings while you wait. Sam asks Malik if he’s seen Gloria but he doesn’t even know who she is. Sam keeps walking and passes Chuny, who’s looking for some such supply and asks Sam if she’s seen it. Like Abby and her doctoring and chewing gum at the same time, Sam can simultaneously walk and be distracted yet still know where stuff is. She tells Chuny that the thing is packed up but that some mysterious “they” were supposed to have left one in the trauma room. Though maybe Sam’s not as proficient a supply whore as Abby is a gum-chewer, because when Chuny asks for something else, Sam tells her that she’s on her own.

Faux’ head is strapped down to the gurney now and he’s whining about how he gets that the Klingons used to be enemies of the Federation, then cries, “But we had nothing to do with that”. Jeez, that’s a serious faux pas, Faux – real Klingons don’t cry. Morris asks Faux to move his toes as Chuny hands Abby the x-rays. Morris touches Faux’ foot and asks if he can feel that, and Faux can. McEgo and the right bicep tattoo he’s got have never heard of “inter-galactic rebel warriors” and asks Faux what show that was on. Faux says that they’re still in the conceptual stage, but they’re about to land a deal. Oh, now I get it. Is this new show like that episode of Star Trek where they’re in a parallel universe and everything’s the same except they’re all on heroin and Klingons weep like little girls? Abby strokes McEgo’s McEgo by telling him that he’s right – it’s a right anterior shoulder dislocation. Chuny says that the c-spine is clear and McEgo says that there’s a nightstick fracture of the left ulna as Abby raises the head of Faux’ bed. Morris orders one hundred of propofol for a shoulder reduction. McEgo questions that and Morris says that he just got credentialed to use it. McEgo asks why they don’t try scapular manipulation to put it in without having to knock Faux out, as Abby glances over at Morris to see his reaction. Morris negates McEgo’s suggestion and says that reductions are much easier if you have good sedation. McEgo egos that sedation has risks. Morris starts to scoff at this as Luka bursts in, getting his boss man britches on and bitches that he needs Morris to dispo some patients and that they have a full Waiting Area and “the clock is ticking, c’mon”. Morris tells them to set up for the propofol and they’ll do the reduction when he gets back. He follows Luka out and McEgo lowers Faux’ bed, knocking off Abby, who was examining Faux’ ears. McEgo says they’ll get him prone so they can try the scapular manipulation as Abby just stares at him. Uh oh. McEgo once again proves he’s the new Carter because they did this exact same story in Season 7 in April Showers when Carter went against Luka’s orders not to do a shoulder reduction without medication. And Abby was in the middle of that pissing contest, too. But then again, they did the Sci Fi Convention thing in Season 7, too, in Mars Attacks, so I guess that they either once again are without continuity supervisors, ran out of storylines or else they figure no one who watched six seasons ago is still watching and if by chance they were, they wouldn’t remember anyway … Wrong again, ER … Abby, apparently thrown a bit by McEgo’s McEgo and that he’s directly going to go against his Attending, stammers that Morris said he wants to use sedation. McEgo egos that Morris is a “kid with a new toy”. Abby comes back at him, “Well, the kid’s the Attending, so even if you’re right, you have to talk to him about it”. McEgo tells her that they’ll try it and if it goes in easy, great and if not, they’ll try the propofol. Abby just stands there while McEgo McRolls Faux. Abby, aren’t you like a Third Year Resident, which means that you’re McEgo’s supervisor right now? And you’re just going to stand there and let him do what he wants? If you’ve got Luka’s balls, then who’s got yours?

Sam enters the Lounge and finds Gloria on a laptop, saying that she’s been looking all over for her. Gloria’s a bit frantic, saying that she has to get an airline ticket before the price goes up, and I am so with you on that one Gloria, considering those prices get jerked around on a daily basis. Bastards. Sam gets Gloria to come sit down, leading her to the sofa. Gloria says that she had malaria once and she didn’t feel as bad as this. Well, so did Luka, Gloria, and no offense, but he looked more like shit than you do right now. Sam tries to convince her to let them take some of the fluid from her belly so that it’ll be easier to breathe. Gloria gasps out that she just wants to get on the plane. Sam says she understands, but Gloria is breathless and pale and flight crews are trained to spot people like that. Gloria protests that she’ll wear blush. Sam ignores this and says that the paracentesis will only take a few minutes. Gloria tells her that she has friends in Costa Rica and they’re waiting for her and that it’s all planned out. Sam tells her that this is her only chance to get there and asks Gloria to trust her on this. Gloria taps her foot on the floor impatiently as she considers what Sam’s saying.

Luka and Morris are walking down the hall. Luka is telling him that the ICU has beds for their intubated patients. Morris says that there are only three step-down beds, but the others can go to Telemetry and hands Luka the charts. Luka says that they have eleven patients going to Medicine and they can use the GYN floor for overflow. Morris stops Luka before he enters a room and asks “What about the Waiting Room?” Luka tells him to send them to Urgent Care, then taps his watch as he says “The ER is closing at eight”. Hee … I love bitchy boss Luka … Morris turns and enters Trauma Yellow to find Faux laying face down on the gurney and McEgo leaning over him, asking “How do you say ‘this is going to hurt’ in Intergalactic Rebel Warrior?” as he pushes down on Faux’ shoulder and yanks his arm simultaneously. There’s a sickening crunching sound as Faux cries out in pain. Yuck. Morris yells “What the hell are you doing?”, startling Abby, who was wrapping Faux’ left arm. She and McEgo whip around to look at a none-too-happy Morris. Abby immediately throws the blame where it belongs, saying “He did it” and goes back to the wrapping. Morris is all “What???” and Abby informs him in a pointed tone, “Gates thought he’d try it this way …” McEgo, of course all McProud of himself, says that it worked, adding haughtily, “No need for propofol”. Morris wants to know who made that call and McEgo in a “I so don’t see what the problem is here” tone, exposits, “I did, and his shoulder’s back in”. Morris doesn’t think that’s the point and that he gave McEgo an order. McEgo shrugs this off, saying “So, do what a boss does. Take credit for my resourcefulness”, as Abby looks over to see Morris’ reaction. Morris tells McEgo that he’s writing him up. Abby gives a slight eyebrow raise and head tilt in appreciation of this before continuing her tennis match spectator impression and volleying her gaze back over to McEgo. McEgo asks snidely, “Why? Because my approach was better than the Attending’s?” Morris looks him up and down before telling him, “Go home. You’re done”, and heading out. Good for you, Morris. Looks like you are the one who has Abby’s balls. Abby looks over at McEgo with a sort of satisfied “told you so” face and lip purse. McEgo scowls after Morris because his head really is so swelled that there’s no room in there for deductive reasoning because he really can’t figure out what Morris is so upset about. And Abby, channeling one of my co-workers, was totally quick to throw McEgo under the bus about doing the procedure, but like in Season 7 with Carter only made a half-assed attempt at actually keeping him from doing it in the first place. If this were anyone but Abby, I’d be pretty sure this would come back to bite them in the ass …

After commercial, McEgo follows Morris down the hall, bitching that Morris can’t send him home. Morris keeps right on truckin’, telling him, “You should have thought of that before, Cowboy”. McEgo says he just helped a guy without sedation, but Morris corrects him “You went against my orders”. McEgo protests dramatically, “Oh, come on, Morris”. Morris tells him that he’s supposed to be a soldier, and McEgo says that he is, “a real one”, but he could have fooled Morris. McEgo thinks Morris is acting like he killed the guy, but Morris is sick and tired of McEgo not taking orders and starts rattling off all the crap McEgo’s done since he’s gotten there: placed a subclavian line without supervision, tapped a VP shunt without even calling NeuroSurg, overrode an Attending to give digibine to a guy that was already brain dead. McEgo can’t believe Morris is keeping score. Morris continues that McEgo transposes numbers, falsifies charts, and is “slow as hell with documentation”. McEgo thinks Morris sounds like a “high school girlfriend”. Really? You actually had a live one of those in high school and just an inflatable? Huh … Morris gets in his face and tells him “And still, you act like you’re God’s gift to medicine”. Christ, it’s not just hyperbole -- McEgo really is the new Carter – he’s even sporting Carter’s patented Sanctimonious Smirk of Condescending Righteousness. McUgh. God, I so just want to slap him. He just keeps doing it as Morris goes off about how McEgo thinks he’s too good to seek advice or need help. I can tell from the look on Morris’ face that he wants to smack the shit out of him, too. Morris channels Ice Man from Top Gun and tells McEgo, “You’re arrogant and dangerous and I’ve had enough … We all have … Go home!” Still smirking, McEgo asks where Luka is. Jesus, you’re a freakin’ asshole. Go ahead and cry to Luka – considering how much he hated and didn’t put up with this shit when Carter did it as a Resident, I totally doubt he’s going to side with you. Morris tells him that this is his call, not Luka’s. McEgo nods patronizingly and in a “we’ll just see about that” dismissive tone says, “Okay” and walks away. Pratt comes up and asks Morris what that was all about and Morris says that he sent McEgo home. Pratt says that he tried that once, and Morris adds, “Yeah, but this time he’s getting a letter in his file” and heads off.

Ray is putting in some stitches as he asks some sourpuss’ed woman, “So, how did you cut your leg?” Sourpuss doesn’t reply at first as she looks at Ray suspiciously before looking all around and answering that she was trying to “get the chip” out. Ray plays along and asks her what kind of chip. Still looking around, she replies, “A neurogenic biomatrix nano silicate chip”. Ray looks up at her like “who the, what the?” Sourpuss stares at him and says in all seriousness, “The aliens put it there”. Sourpuss the Psycho. Hey, Sourpuss, if you’re into guys with forehead ridges who cry like babies, I’m sure that Faux would be able to get out of his parents’ basement, borrow the car, or “Bird of Prey” starship as it were, and beam on over to your galaxy for some warp speed turbo thrusting and a hot game of hide the Tribble … Just make sure that you (a) rest up beforehand because space travel can be a real bitch, (b) that you have a working dilithium shield with you, and (c) that you have a good cleansing Vulcan MindMeld for memory retention – we wouldn’t want one night drunk on Klingon Bloodwine and Warnog to come back to haunt you, now would we? … Ray smirks and asks if the aliens did anything else to her. Sourpuss gives him a “duh” look and says “Not that I didn’t consent to” … Hee … Like she’s leveling with him, Sourpuss tells him that “they” want her to go back and report her findings. Not looking at her, probably to avoid laughing in her face, Ray whispers, “Really?” and Sourpuss says that she’s willing to give them a report. Getting really agitated, Sourpuss goes all P-a-r-a-noid as she shouts, “But I don’t want them tracking me!” … Then she asks Ray, “You inherit five million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in two days. What do you do?” … Except, not … Ray calls over to Sam and asks her to page Psych for a consult. Sam looks off and points, telling him “Katie’s already down here” as Ray looks over and finds his until-he-mashed-with-Neela fuck-friend Katie the Med Student, who reminds me of Phoebe Cates from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Ray sighs as he realizes that he’s going to have to go talk to her.

Sam goes over to the Curtain Area to tell Gloria that they’re going to move her to Exam Three to do the procedure. Sam shows her a piece of paper and tells her that she’s all set and has one ticket to Costa Rica tomorrow. Gloria smiles and asks Sam if she’s ever been to Costa Rica and Sam says, “Only on the Discovery Channel”. Hee. Was that Survivorman, Sam? At least that’s a real show about survival and not one of those ones where they take celebrity has-beens looking to revive their careers and put them in contrived situations and slap the descriptor “reality” on it … And I’m with you on being all about the rugged adventurer type rather than the extremes of doughy-faced paunchiness or unhealthily-borderline anorexia that the male D-listers seem to embody on these shows … Gloria tells Sam that it’s where her dad bought her first camera for her. How sweet. Sam helps her get into a wheelchair as Gloria continues that her family lived there for six months when she was 15 and that it was “magical”, and that it’s really beautiful there with the sunsets and the beaches. Because Sam’s got men on the mind, she thinks it sound very romantic. Gloria says it’s where she met Paul, as she fingers a necklace she’s wearing that must have been a gift from him. She says that “Paul’s” a journalist with the BBC and that he’s the only guy the ever “got” her. Sam wants to know if Paul’s going to meet her there and Gloria tells her that Paul died in Baghdad where he was embedded with a Marine unit that drove over an IED. I’m sorry, Gloria … That’s horrible. Sam’s sorry, too. Gloria says sadly, “Sorry … yeah … he never had to see it …”

Phoebe and Ray are standing on opposite sides of Sourpuss’ bed. Sourpuss has the covers pulled over her head and is crying. Ray leads Phoebe away and asks her what she thinks. Phoebe thinks that Sourpuss should go on a 72-hour hold, and that since Sourpuss cut her leg open, she’s a danger to herself. Oh, too bad, Sourpuss … Guess you won’t be partaking of the Klingon Mating Ritual after all … Ray thinks Sourpuss is a “crazy bird” and Phoebe laughs bitterly, “Aren’t we all”. She tells him that her best friend thinks she’s nuts sitting around waiting for him to call, as we see Sourpuss has pulled the blanket down to her nose and is peeking at them. Hee. Ray says that he’s sorry, but Phoebe’s the one who’s sorry, because “the moment I jump in the pool, you get out”. Ray starts to protest, but Phoebe’s on the phone to Psych so he has to stifle it. As she waits to hear if Psych has any beds available, Phoebe tells Ray “I pulled out my best for you”. Your best what? Best impression of a peevishly pouting pissily petulant pre-teen pantywaist? Because you’ve totally nailed that … Ray looks around and lowers his voice, telling her not to get him wrong, “the sex was great”. Nice, Ray. This is so an appropriate workplace convo. Though I guess at this hospital, it probably is … Phoebe bitches that she’s not talking about the sex … Right, guess you didn’t think it was as hot as Ray seems to, huh, Phoebe, considering you’d admonished him previously in a too-much-information scenario when you said he needed to move his hips more … Phoebe tells Psych that she’ll bring Sourpuss right up as Ray admits in a chastised tone that he should have called her, but Phoebe thinks that’s an understatement because Ray “dropped off the face of the Earth” – even though they work in the same building and she could have wandered down to find him any old time. Drama Queen. Ray tells her that he knows it was wrong, but Phoebe thinks it was more than wrong, that it was “wussy, immature, and tenth grade-ish”. Yeah, okay, Phoebe. Like your own behavior is the epitome of maturity and not taken directly from an episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation. God, she’s annoying. Phoebe confronts him, “What happened? You start dating Neela or something?” Ray unconvincingly tries to laugh this off, but Phoebe see right through him. He asks if they can talk about this but Phoebe doesn’t think there’s anything to talk about because “You’re stupid … and I’m done”, as she makes a quick getaway so that she doesn’t get detention for being late for Gym Class …

Luka’s walking down the hall with Uncle Ego, asking him pointedly, “Did Morris tell you not to do the procedure?” McEgo “yes, but” ‘s him and tries to make excuses that scapular manipulation doesn’t pose any real risks, but Luka’s got his got his manager on and berates the Ego, “That’s not the point”. McEgo tries to interject that he saved Faux from having to be sedated but Luka’s gotten all hot and bothered and in turn has done the same to me with his absolutely alluring authoritarianism … Yum … and comes down on him, “Doesn’t matter. You were out of line and now you’re going over his head to me”. You go, Beautiful Boss Man. McEgo egos that his way was better and it doesn’t merit being written up. Luka crushes the Ego with, “Actually, it does. When an Attending tells you to do something you do it or discuss it”. McEgo attempts to scoff at that “Oh, come on, Dr. Ko -- …” but Luka cuts him in a no-nonsense tone, “And now you’re going to go home and think about that, okay?”, as Morris, who’s standing at Admit next to Abby, watches this exchange with interest. A pissed off McEgo glares at Luka, but Luka’s already turned his attention away, leaving McEgo to head off to go McLick his McWounds.

Luka walks up to Admit, staring at Morris. A nervous Morris wants to know if he’s in trouble, as Luka walks past and addresses him, “Morris”, before giving him a verbal pat on the back with, “That’s one of the best moves you’ve ever made”. Hee. It so is, Morris. Morris is all happy and starts gloating that he knew it. Pointing in the direction McEgo went, Morris says, “He can’t go against me”, then pointing in the direction of Abby, who’s just moved to get something in front of Luka, adds, “He shouldn’t even be able to go against Residents”. This is news to Luka who questions, “There was a Resident in the room?” Uh oh, Abby. Not looking up from her paperwork, Abby says, “Uh, let’s leave me out of it …”, but Morris jumps in, telling her that she should have stopped McEgo. Abby turns to Morris with her back to Luka and makes a “yeah, right” face as she protests, “Oh please, like he’s going to listen to me. He doesn’t even listen to you”. Morris, still on his power trip rush, gets all high and mighty and tells her “Well, maybe I should send you home, too”. In a totally mocking tone, Abby says, “O-o-o-kay” as she squares off and looks at Morris with a “I’m so loving this, let’s just see you try it when standing right behind me is my 6’4” totally pussy-whipped Shampoo Boy, whose balls might as well just be fuzzy dice on my rearview mirror for all he’s going to get them back” expression, while over her shoulder Luka raises his eyebrows and gives a “Well, I can’t wait to hear this” face as he looks at Morris. Hee. Scowling at Abby, Morris glances up to find Luka watching him. Camera switches back to show that Abby and Luka are hilariously sporting that exact same expectant expression as they wait to see what Morris is going to do. Hee. That is too funny and a pretty neat trick that without even looking at each other they are wearing the same face. Seeing Luka, Morris starts to lose his nerve and backs down, telling Abby “Well …well … not today”. Abby gives him a “I knew you couldn’t do it” grin. Morris, attempting to preserve at least some of his air of authority and his dignity, tries to be all stern as he wags his finger at her, “But, I’ll do it, Abby … Don’t test me …” Abby and Luka watch him walk away, again both having identical amused looks and smirks on their faces. The fact that they can do that has me wondering whether it’s a coincidental occurrence, or if Goran Visnjic and Maura Tierney rehearsed this, or if the facial mimicry is just a by-product of having worked together for so long and knowing each other so well. Whatever way it is, it totally works for this scene. Abby starts to turn around. Seeing this, Luka quickly loses the grin and just stares at her, all business-like. Hee. Abby chuckles a little at his look, and in an “oh, come on now” tone tries to minimize what happened by passing it off as not being life-threatening. In managerial mode now, Luka strikes his best disciplinarian pose and tells her that it doesn’t matter and that Morris is the Attending and it’s his decision. Luka walks away leaving Abby to roll her eyes and raise her eyebrows with a “yeah, okay, we’ll just see who’ll be doling out the discipline when we get home tonight” smirk before heading away. Hee. Cute scene.

Ray swabs some betadine on Gloria’s belly, prepping for the paracentesis. Gloria runs through the list of stuff that she’s taking to Costa Rica to Sam, saying that she’s got her Coltrane, her Margaret Bourke-White books, and the timer for her camera. Ray thinks she seems at peace, and Gloria agrees, saying that she’s got no more stresses, just going to cook and drink wine on the beach. And that so sounds like the way to go, Gloria. Sam hangs an IV and Gloria asks her if it’s necessary. Sam says that it’s a precaution for the invasive procedure. Gloria protests that she said no blood, and Ray tells her that it’s just platelets and that her count is a little low. Gloria asks if she’s still going to get out of there, and Sam promises her she will. Luka enters and says approvingly that the platelets are running and the belly’s prepped, and Ray tells him that the lido is drawn up and ready. Gloria asks Sam to get her film to her publisher, and to give her camera to “Yolanda”. Sam asks who Yolanda is as she lowers the head of Gloria’s bed. Gloria says that Yolanda is a girl she mentors in a photography program. As Luka injects the lido, he tells Gloria there’s going to be a little sting so that she doesn’t feel the big needle. Luka asks for the vitals and Ray says that Gloria is a little tachy but the BP’s good. Luka dumps the tiny needle into the red receptacle that Ray’s holding then grabs the – Holy Shit, that’s a big needle!!! Yikes. Luka tells Gloria that she’s going to feel some pressure as he starts to push the needle in. Luka keeps pushing and pushing and the needle goes deeper and deeper … I’m all for Luka pushing and pushing, deeper and deeper, but with not with that needle … Yuck … He says “that’s it” and Ray hands him a tube. Luka tells him that if the bottle fills up, clamp the tubing before he switches to an empty one and Ray says that he’s got it. Gloria tells Sam that she needs to see if she has enough miles to upgrade, because “why scimp on your last plane ride”. Hee. Even with a humongous needle in her stomach, Gloria’s all about the quips. Ray tells Luka that Gloria refused the morphine and Luka replies, “Okay … The painful part is over anyway”, as we see the bottle that Ray’s holding start to fill. Lovely. The fluid start to turn red and Ray tells Luka that it’s bloody, but Luka thinks that just a little shouldn’t be a problem. Gloria starts to get real loopy and says that she feels “weird” as the monitor starts beeping. Sam rubs Gloria’s sternum and calls her name as Luka looks to see the EKG spiking. Sam calls for the crash cart, but Luka just looks at her. Sam starts saying frantically “Come on, Diana!” as Ray reminds her that Gloria’s DNR. Sam doesn’t want to hear that because they talked her into this so they at least have to get her back to where she was when she walked in there. Luka disagrees and tells her flat-out, “No crash cart. No CPR”, as Sam looks at him pleadingly. Luka tells her to give Gloria another liter of NS and to lower the head of the bed. Sam looks down sadly at Gloria as she checks her neck pulse, then looks up at Luka with a “I can’t believe you’re just going to stand there and let this happen” expression. Sam lowers Gloria’s bed, biting on her lip out of frustration because she knows that Luka’s right and she can’t do a damn thing about it.

After commercial, Gloria’s money’s for nothing because she’s still in dire straits. Sam says that the BP’s 88/45 and Luka says disgustedly, “Damn it” and murmurs something else that I don’t catch because I’m too busy appreciating The Pretty getting his doctor on like the finely tuned instrument he is … Yum … but it’s some medical term that sounds like “I took care of ya” … And you sure do take care of me, Luka … Just saying … Luka, weirdly barking out the orders in a pretty rushed tone for a patient who’s DNR, calls for “Another liter of NS and VC the platelets … Now!” Is he doing what Sam wanted after all? What is it with Luka letting his current and former lovers boss him around? Or did Sam just hold on to part of his balls after they broke up in the event of just this type of emergency? Jeez … Ray says that there are crackles at the bases. Gloria starts to wake up and Sam raises the head of the bed as Luka orders 50 of benadryl and to get Gloria on the non-rebreather. Gloria asks Sam what happened and Sam tells her, while sneaking looks at Luka, that she had a bad reaction to some of the blood products. Ray says that he’s going to start another line, but Gloria says that she doesn’t want that, and that she doesn’t want any of this. Ray tells her that she dropped her pressure and that she has no choice, but Gloria says that she does and tells him to stop. Ray looks up at Sam, who says that they need a way to get Gloria fluids fast. Gloria looks over at her, protesting. Luka wants Gloria to listen to him because this is very serious and can be life-threatening. Ray adds, “Especially in your condition”. Gloria wants to know what it is about hospitals, this “toxic environment” and that “everybody gets worse here”. Luka calls for 150 of methylpred and to have epi at the bedside. Sam tries to assure Gloria that it’s going to be okay, but even she doesn’t sound too convinced. Gloria doesn’t believe her either, and says that she doesn’t think she’s going to be okay. Ray asks Luka if he wants him to start a subclavian, but Luka says that Gloria is coagulopathic. Luka wants to give the meds a chance to kick in and then they can reassess. Luka tells Gloria to “hang in there” and tells her that he’ll come and check on her soon, but instead of gazing lovingly at that face of such beauty and getting incredibly excited and appreciative about the prospect of further physical examinations performed by him as I so would be, Gloria’s head is turned and she’s a million miles away. Luka, not knowing what else to say, turns and leaves. Sam looks at him and then away, lost in thought herself over what’s just happened.

Ray and Luka exit into the hallway, Ray saying that “Sam shouldn’t push that” but Luka seems to understand why she did because he replies, “It was Diana’s only chance to get on that plane”. They continue walking as Morris comes down the steps behind them, calling out to Luka and hurrying to catch up. Morris says that people are asking “about this dinner thing”, but Luka ignores this and tells Morris to tell Chuny to officially close them to trauma. Morris won’t let it go and wants to know how they are affording such a fancy place, adding “It’s not Ladokern, is it?” Luka, still looking and writing on his chart as he walks, tells Morris not to worry about it. Ray wants to know if Luka’s gotten “in bed” with a pharmaceutical company. Watch it, Ray. If Luka’s getting “in bed” with anyone, it’s going to be me … And I guess Abby, seeing as they do live together … Bitch … Luka’s annoyed that they keep harping on this and says exasperatedly, “Guys, c’mon! We’ve got a lot of work to do”. Morris pleads with him, “Say it isn’t so … They’re Satan … Trust me, I know”. Hee. But, seriously, Luka – what is the deal with this dinner? The fact that everybody keeps commenting on it means there’s got to be something weird about it. What gives?

Pratt and some typical paramedic types are wheeling in an unconscious fourteen year old with altered mental status and respiratory distress. There’s another kid walking alongside the gurney, saying that they were walking home from rehearsal and Unconscious Kid said that his back hurt and then he just sat down and “stopped making sense”. Oh, maybe it’s rabies, since everyone knows that John Stamos Has Rabies and McRoadkill’s never made any sense … Unconscious starts murmuring “Please …” and then something unintelligible. Pratt asks Ray to give him a hand and they start to wheel Unconscious down the hall. Pratt asks Gurney Walker what Unconscious’ name is and Gurney says, “Dimitri”. Ray wants to know if Dimitri has any medical problems but Gurney doesn’t know. Pratt starts rubbing Dimitri’s sternum, trying to get him to wake up.

In Trauma Yellow, they transfer Dimitri to the table. Ray says that the sat’s only 76 and Pratt asks if he’s sure that it’s picking up, but Malik says that it is and they’ve got good waveform. Pratt leans Dimitri forward so he can listen to his lungs and says that they’ve got shallow resps, decreased at the bases and says “throw me the bag”. Ray wants to know if Dimitri took any medicine, but Gurney says that they’re in Orchestra together but they’re not really friends. Ray asks if Dimitri’s parents were called and Malik says that Usher’s doing it as Gurney never takes his eyes off Dimitri. Pratt bags Dimitri as Malik says that the pulse is thready and he’s tachy at 125. Gurney just keeps on staring. Ray wants to know if they took any drugs, but Gurney says they don’t mess with that. Ray then wants to know if Dimitri fell or whether they got in a fight, but Gurney says that Dimitri just passed out. Ray scowls skeptically at him. Pratt says that they’re going to need to tube him and calls for the stuff as he lowers the head of the bed. Pratt barks out orders for a bunch of tests and tells Malik to let surgery know that they need to come down here for a trauma evaluation. Gurney starts protesting that it’s not his fault, “I swear”. Pratt and Ray just look at him for a second because no one had said a word accusing him. Nice move, Gurney. Don’t you know that when you publicly supply more information than what was asked for, you just implicate yourself and open up absolutely everything you say to scrutiny? Maybe you’d better call a lawyer … or at least a competent publicist … Both of whom would advise you to just shut the fuck up and say “No comment” … Dumb ass … Ray calls for an ABG and then looks over at Gurney, trying to figure out what he did.

In the locker room, McEgo is angrily throwing stuff into his locker like the huge infant that he is. He’s still there? And I thought it took forever for Carter to leave … Jeez … Neela comes in to find him in the middle of his tantrum. She says that he didn’t call her this morning, but no surprise, he’s all into himself so doesn’t hear a word she says and shouts over, “What?” She repeats that he didn’t call her back, but his momentary lapse into recognizing that other people exist is over and he starts grumbling, “Morris is such a little bitch”. Hee. Neela asks what happened and McEgo bitches that the bitch is sending him home as he pulls off his scrub shirt. Great. Now I’m subjected to half-naked Roadkill … Lovely … Thankfully, it was just a brief glimpse until he pulled his t-shirt back down, so I don’t think there’s any permanent damage was done to my retinas. Neela asks him, “What did you do?” Hee. All self-righteous in his pissy party, he says “I reduced a shoulder, that’s what I did!” Neela doesn’t get it. McEgo comes over to her, ego-ing that he was trying to do what’s right for the patient and Morris shows up and pulls this “big power trip”. I guess that’s why McEgo’s so pissed – “power trips” are his thing, and ain’t nobody going to infringe on his territory … McSchmuck … Neela, seeing what this is all about, says levelly, “So you went against him”. McEgo doesn’t think that’s the point. Neela smirks as her beeper goes off, and chuckles, “Well, it kind of is”. Hee. McEgo starts to protest that it “kind of isn’t”, but then holds his hand up to her and says that he doesn’t want to talk about it and is all pouty, “Forget it”. Neela doesn’t know why he just doesn’t tell Morris that he’s sorry. Yeah, okay, Neela. Like THAT would ever happen. As he’s grabbing his stuff and putting it in his bag, McEgo, of course, is not sorry. Neela doesn’t understand why he’s being like this and asks him “So what?” and he tells her that he’s “not a kiss ass”. Well, unless it’s your own ass that you’re kissing that is, right, McEgo? Neela can’t believe that he would want to get written up. McEgo doesn’t think that Morris has the balls to write him up. Well, yeah he does, McEgo – especially since it seems he’s got Abby’s balls today … Dawn comes in and hands Neela a note, telling her that “Since you’ve been ignoring Dr. Crenshaw’s pages, he asked me to read this to you …’Get your ass into the trauma room … now’ …” Hee … Neela tells McEgo that she’s got to go and starts to follow Dawn out. Because she had been wanting to get in touch with him and therefore why she was so obviously has to be all about him, McEgo’s of course curious as to what she wanted to say to him. Neela tells him “Nothing … I’ll call you later”. Yeah, because that’s worked so well in the past for you, Neela. At the door, Neela turns around and admonishes him, “Just go apologize to Morris” … Hee …

Pratt intubates Dimitri. Ray looks at the lab report and tells Pratt that the blood gas is “ugly” and that PH is only 7.02. Gurney wants to know what that means, and Pratt says that Dimitri may have taken something that is making him acidotic, which is when there is an abnormal increase in the acidity of the body's fluids, caused either by accumulation of acids or by depletion of bicarbonates. Thanks, FreeDictionary.com. Ray calls Gurney “Todd”, which is the first that we’ve heard that name so thanks for filling us in Ray, and says that it’s very important that “Todd” tell them the truth. Ray asks him if they took any pills. Todd says that he told them that they were at Orchestra practice all day. Again with the answering things not asked of you, Todd. Ray just shoots him a look. Pratt puts an x-ray up on the viewer as Malik says that he can’t bag Dimitri above 80. Pratt says that it’s because of “this” and points to the x-ray. Ray looks up and says, “Yikes. What is that? Pneumonia?” as the Beating Belting Ballade of Todd’s Odd Façade plods. Pratt thinks that pneumonia seems unlikely without a fever but they’ve got to cover it and orders 750 of ceftriaxone as Neela and Chief Surgical Resident Dustin Crenshaw, aka Moby for his shiny chrome dome, enter the room. Moby is sarcastically bitching at Neela that it “hurts” him when she ignores his pages and it truly wounds him to the core. Talk about little bitches … Moby and Neela come over to look at the x-ray with Pratt and Ray, and Pratt fills them in on Dimitri’s status. Malik says that the hemoglobin is 6.2. Neela says it’s a pulmonary hemorrhage and Moby and Pratt concur. Moby asks if there’s a history of trauma, but Ray says they still don’t know and “his buddy” is not being too helpful. Todd doth protest too much with “I told you, I don’t know anything!” Pratt confronts him that if he knows something, he’s got to tell them right now. Looking like a deer caught in the headlights, Todd looks around at them then turns and hurries out the door. Ray chases after him as Moby calls for the sonosite and Neela asks for a chest tube tray.

Ray runs down the hall after Todd. He catches him, grabbing him by the shirt and demanding to know what Todd did to Dimitri. Todd tries to say that he didn’t do anything, but Ray’s not having it and gets in his face asking, “Oh yeah? Then why are you running?” Todd looks down with an “oh, shit” expression and Ray presses him, asking if he knows that Dimitri could die. Todd looks like he didn’t expect that and asks quietly, “He could?” Oh, man. This is not going to be good … Ray wants to know if Todd did something to Dimitri. Looking scared, Todd says, “I wanted the solo”. Holy shit … Ray stares at him as this sinks in, finally asking, “What did you do?” Like a little kid when he gets his hand caught in the cookie jar, Todd starts babbling that he had been praying for Dimitri to get sick … Yeah, well, Todd, I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad every time I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah … Todd continues that when that didn’t happen, he remembered an experiment that they did in science class where he saw what happened to sulfur when you heated it up, so he figured eating it couldn’t be good … Oh, my God … Ray can’t believe what he’s hearing. He asks Todd if he put it in Dimitri’s food … … It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer, Todd … But Todd’s on a roll with the excuses and says that their school orchestra goes to Milwaukee tomorrow and that he just wanted to play the solo, he didn’t mean for all of this to happen … Jesus … Because he was caught, Todd’s all “I’m sorry” but Ray just gives him a “way too late for that, buddy” look … Wow, who knew those band geeks could be so cutthroat?

Luka is sitting beside an oxygen-mask wearing Gloria, who’s sitting up in her bed. He tells her that he’s sorry this didn’t go the way she wanted. Gloria removes the mask and asks him why he didn’t just sign her out. Instead of telling her about his lack of balls, Luka just looks down as she goes on that she has a plane to catch. He shakes his head as he tells her that she can leave but nothing’s changed, the flight crew’s not going to let her on that plane. She wants to know why, but Luka doesn’t answer that. Instead he tells her that they can send her home and hospice can bring her pain medications. She doesn’t get it because she’s not in pain. Luka says that he knows she’s not right now, but being perfectly frank with her, he tells her that sometimes when people die this way they get really uncomfortable. God, that so sucks, Gloria. Gloria wants to know why they can’t do another paracentesis, but Luka again shakes his head before telling her that they can’t risk her bleeding. Gloria just stares at him, the realization that she no longer has any control over the way she’s going to die sinking in. Sounding broken, she asks of no one in particular why she just can’t fall asleep and not wake up. This is so sad. Still being completely upfront with her, he reminds her that she’s seen this before and that it doesn’t always work that way. Gloria looks around, tears filling her eyes as she tries not to cry. Luka levels with her that the fluid in her body is going to continue to build up and as it does it will compress her lungs, making it harder for her to breathe, as she nods along with what he’s saying, knowing all this. She states, “I’ll feel like I’m drowning” as Luka looks at her compassionately because he knows that’s exactly what will happen and how it will feel to her. Oh, man … How terrifying …

Sam is in the overcrowded Waiting Area, telling the would-be patients that they’re not going to be able to get to everyone before the ER closes. A total doofus asks her nasally, “What about my headache? It could be a brain tumor”. Nah, don’t worry about that, Doofus. I know they tend to recycle stories on this show but given the multi-year span of the Tumor That Chewed Up The Scenery Then Mistakenly Left Carter To Set The Tone In The ER Which Only Succeeded In Dragging The Show Down Until Both He and His Hair Realized That They’d Overstayed Their Welcome And Both Finally Disappeared, I doubt they’ll revisit that anytime soon. A woman for whom the term “Way Too Much Information” was invented tells us that she can’t wait until next week because she’s got the “mother of all yeast infections”. Yuck. Morris is sorry to hear that. Not half as sorry as I am, Morris. Ugh … He tells her that she’ll have to go find a doctor somewhere else, and hands out a list of local clinics. Uh, I think WTMI Lady needs to go far away, Morris. Far, far away ... I hear Carter’s got a couple of clinics going on in Africa, WTMI … Just saying … A pissed off guy comes up to Morris asking how long the ER will be closed, but Morris says that they don’t know. To save Morris and the audience from the incessant whining of these Waiting Room Mutants, Dumar rushes in saying that they need a room. Morris bitches at him that the ER’s closed and that they know that. Luka walks up, carrying a coffee cup and Dumar tells him that they’ve got to take this, but Luka thinks that they can’t and tells Dumar to turn around and go to Good Shepherd. Dumar tells him, “No, listen … It’s Dr. Pratt’s brother”, as Morales comes in supporting Chaz, who can barely stand up. Morales tells Luka that Chaz “kind of overdid it”. Luka checks his eyes as Chaz starts mumbling incoherently. Luka asks what happened and Dumar says that it was “Happy Hour Overload”. Jeez, you must be a lightweight, Chaz, since that’s a daily occurrence for me … Morris calls for a gurney and Sam tells Luka that Trauma Two’s open. Luka dismisses her saying that they’ve got this one and to go give the Nursing Report on Gloria because they got a bed for her upstairs, as Pissed Off Guy complains to Luka that his “appendix is bursting”. Sam stares at Luka with a “what the hell” expression and shakes her head as she tells him that Gloria’s going home. Luka corrects her that Gloria wants to be admitted. Sam can’t believe it. As they walk into the ER, she again shakes her head and tells him definitively, “No … she’s not dying here”. Luka doesn’t want to hear it and tells her dismissively, “Sam, just make the call … Okay?” Sam shoots him a look as Dawn comes up and tells her that she’s got a bunch of kids doing “fence plowing”. Sam wants to know what the hell that is, so Dawn tells her that it’s when a bunch of knuckleheads run full-speed into a fence trying to break it. Nice. Freakin’ idiots. Dawn wants to know if they have time to treat them and Sam says to hurry up because they have to be out of there in an hour. Sam comes upon Pratt, who, along with some random orderly, is wheeling Dimitri’s gurney with Todd in his usual spot walking alongside. She tells Pratt that he’s got to get to Trauma Two and that his brother’s there. Pratt says he knows and that Chaz is working, but Sam fills him in that Chaz is drunk. Pratt’s all “What???” but Sam’s already walked away. Ray comes up and tells a distracted Pratt that Dimitri’s parents called and that he’s got Sickle Cell. Pratt’s eyes widen at this and he asks if Ray’s kidding, but of course he’s not. Ray says that it at least makes sense. Pratt says it means that the white out on the x-ray means acute chest syndrome. Todd wants to know what that is, but Pratt’s says that Ray will explain everything as he heads to go see Chaz. The elevator dings so Ray and Todd load Dimitri’s gurney on there. Guess it’s a good thing Todd was there to help, huh, Ray, given that Random Orderly seems to have vanished into thin air.

Sam enters Gloria’s Exam Room and tells her that she just spoke with Luka. Gloria tries to tell her that it’s okay, but Sam doesn’t think it is. Gloria says that it’s fine, but Sam thinks it isn’t what Gloria wants and says “The hospital vortex … You said it yourself”. Sam says that she’ll take Gloria home and they’ll tell her friends to meet her there instead. Not looking at Sam, Gloria shakes her head and keeps saying “It’s okay … It’s okay”, but Sam doesn’t believe that. Getting upset, Gloria admits to her, “Sam, look … Actually, there is no one, okay? …” Uh oh … In a tearfully shaken voice she says that her whole life, she always just did her “thing” and didn’t really develop any relationships and she doesn’t have any kids. Oh, how sad is this? Sam, realizing that Gloria is completely alone in this world, nods and tells her quietly but firmly, “Okay … But you are still not doing this here … Not like this”. Gloria, really crying now, pleads, “Sam … I can’t … Now, look at me … I can’t do this alone”. Sam just watches her as we go to commercial.

In Trauma Green, Pratt and Morris are working on Chaz. Chuny calls out that the pulse ox is dropping. Pratt is listening to the chest and says that the breath sounds are equal. Morris rubs Chaz’ sternum and calls his name for him to wake up. Pratt bitches at Dumar and Morales, “Have one beer … Hell, have four beers … But fifteen shots of tequila???” Yikes. Dumar tries to explain that it’s a paramedic tradition, but Pratt’s having none of it, “Tradition, my ass! What the hell were you guys thinking???” Morris says that the sat’s only 89 and that Chaz needs a tube, but Pratt negates this and calls for 15 liters of O2 by mask. Morris doesn’t think that will work if Chaz is hyperventilating. Still pissed, Pratt keeps on at the paramedics, “What are you guys, frat boys? You see people die from alcohol poisoning all the time”, as he checks Chaz’ airway. He tells Morris that Chaz still has a gag, but Morris says, “Barely”. Pratt keeps trying to get Chaz to wake up. Morris tells him that the GCS is training down and so are the sat’s and that they need to tube him, but Pratt still thinks Chaz is arousable. Chaz opens his eyes and mumbles, and Pratt tells Morris, “See that? He’s talking”. Morris calls for an 8-0 tube, but Pratt gets in his face that he’s not intubating his brother. Morris won’t back down and tells Pratt that once Chaz aspirates it’s going to be a mess and it’s easy to extubate him later, but Pratt says that he’s not putting his brother on a vent. He tells Chuny they’re going to place an NG and evacuate Chaz’ stomach so he can’t aspirate. Morris just looks at Pratt as he says that it’s just going to make Chaz vomit. Yeah, Chaz, where’s your urge to purge? Pratt starts shaking Chaz vigorously, looking at Dumar and Morales as he’s saying that Chaz had better wake up or he swears to God he’s going to kill them. Dumar and Morales look rightfully scared because it’s obvious that Pratt is totally serious. Chaz finally starts to come around. When he can finally focus, he looks at Pratt and says “… Sorry …” Morris looks at the monitors and says that the sat’s up to 92. Pratt is visibly relieved and let’s out the breath he seemed to have been holding. Morris says to put Chaz on a non-rebreather as Pratt moves to the phone to call for a MedSurg bed, watching Chaz with a “thank God” expression.

Sam and her lovely leather jacket are wheeling Gloria into an apartment. She’s totally impressed as she tells Gloria how nice it is. No, Sam, what’s nice is what you are doing for this woman you barely know. It’s obvious that you are with her so she won’t be alone and so that she can die at home – what an incredibly kind and compassionate thing to do. And I’ve rarely said this but it just has to be done … Bravo, Sam … Sam thinks Gloria’s place is “very chic”. She closes the door behind her as the camera pulls back to reveal a little more of the apartment. Large photographs Gloria took of the hospice patients and other works are mounted on the walls. As Sam takes Gloria’s stuff from her, she looks around at the photos, asking if Gloria did all of them. Gloria says that she did most of them, some were done by friends. Sam teases her that she thought Gloria had no friends. Gloria, who’s got a nasal cannula for oxygen on, says that they’re the kind of friends that you “bunk with in Kabul” or “let you sleep on the floor in Marrakesh”. Gloria admits that she never told them. Sam shakes her head at this, saying “Diana …”, but Gloria says that they’ll read about it in the Obits. Sam wants to know why Gloria underestimates them. Gloria doesn’t answer, put looks instead at a framed picture on a side table. Sam notices what she’s looking at and Gloria tells her that “It’s Paul”. Sam picks up the photo of a guy in helmet, uniform and flak jacket that has “PRESS” emblazoned on it. She looks at it as Gloria continues sadly, “… right before the bomb went off …” Sam tells her again that she’s sorry. Gloria wheels herself to the center of the room and Sam comes over to help her get up and move to the sofa. Gloria tells Sam that she doesn’t have to stay and she’s sure Sam has family to go home to. Getting a blanket to place on Gloria, Sam tells her that actually she doesn’t as her son is away at school. Since there’s no point in lying to a dying woman, Sam tells her that her son’s been “having problems”, which I guess is a nice way of putting that her son is basically “a psycho wood stump that in the past year has: skipped school repeatedly, slapped his great-grandmother across the face, knocked over a laundromat, watched his mother kill his father, and Kentucky Fried an elderly man to Extra Crispy, all without changing either his facial expression or his monosyllabic tone” … Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think upon itself … The extreme always seem to make an impression, don’t they? … Gloria asks if Sam has a picture and Sam smiles proudly as she shows Gloria her family tree … Gloria also smiles at the picture of short-haired Splinter holding what looks to be a cat or a puppy or something. I wonder what happened to that pet? Seeing as it’s Splinter, I’m sure I’m much better off not knowing … Yikes ... Sam explains that it’s an old one, but that Splinter looks pretty much the same. Uh, yeah, okay, Sam. Maybe if you chopped down his branches a bit and trimmed back his leaves so that he wasn’t sporting that Dumb Donald from Fat Albert and The Cosby Kids mushroom-head really bad wouldn’t-even-be-caught-dead-with-it-in-the-‘80’s-decade-of-bad-hair hairdo, I could see where he possibly could still look the same … Idiot … Because Gloria is a tree-hugger at heart, she thinks that Splinter is beautiful, and she shares a smile with Sam. Still looking at the picture, Gloria tells Sam that she used to think that you had to choose between family and career but by the time she figured out that you could have both it was too late because she was already sick. Oh, how sad. Sam confides “Yeah, well, I got pregnant at 14, so by the time I realized you could have a career, my kid was in preschool”. Sam puts the photo away as Gloria studies her for a moment. Gloria then asks her, “So, nursing isn’t what you wanted?” Sam says truthfully that she’d actually never thought about what she wanted and that Splinter was the reality. Sam doesn’t continue on this track and instead looks at photos that are laying on Gloria’s coffee table. Gloria, lost in thought, tells Sam that it’s never too late to chose. Hearing this, Sam looks over at her. Gloria tells her, “You have time”. Sam smiles slightly and looks away, because she knows that she does, but Gloria doesn’t. Please don’t tell me Sam’s going to change careers and we’ll have yet another nurse go to med school … Even though Carol didn’t finish, that would make it three for three with the “main” nurse character since this show started …

As Chuny and Dawn head down the hall, there are tons of people milling around and the ER is kind of chaotic. Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling. Chuny hands charts to Dawn, updating her on where some of the patients are being transferred. Dawn asks if Chuny thinks it’s a good idea to put a coughing kid in a room with surgical post op patients. Chuny doesn’t but says that it’s the only option as they get to Admit. Dawn approaches Luka to sign a discharge as a homeless guy in a hat is bitching at him that he can’t send him “out”. Luka tells Homeless that they’ll get him a taxi voucher to get to shelter. Homeless now bitches about what the shelters are like, but Luka tells him that it’s all that they can offer because Homeless doesn’t need to stay in the hospital. Luka walks away leaving Homeless to shake his head at the injustice of it all as Usher comes up to Ray and hands him something, saying he found it in Trauma One. It’s a violin case and Ray says that his patient must have left it. Considering your patient was unconscious at the time that he vacated the trauma room, I don’t think he was the one who “left” it, Ray. Ray says he’ll take care of it and turns to see Morris and Pratt moving Chaz’ gurney. Ray asks how Chaz is doing and Pratt says that they’re going to monitor him overnight. Ray asks Chaz if knows that if he gets admitted he can’t be a paramedic as Pratt hides his grin. Chaz looks panicky and asks Morris if Ray’s for real and Morris deadpans “Afraid so”. Chaz says “Hell no” and starts to get up as Pratt grabs him and pulls him back, telling him that it’s a joke and to “sit your ass down” as Morris and Ray laugh. Elevator doors open and Bettina, Radiology Woman steps off. She sees Chaz and asks what happened and Pratt explains that it was his first day as an EMT and he got initiated. Bettina says scornfully, “Damn traditions” as she heads off. Morris is holding the elevator door for Pratt, who tells him that he’ll be up in a second. Morris, getting that Pratt’s in smooth operator mode, gives him the “thumbs up” and winks at him. Pratt frowns and waves him off then turns to follow Bettina. Pratt apologizes to her about the way he “came off” earlier. Bettina wants to know if he’s referring to the “How you doin’, girl?” “Maybe we could have dinner?” “Crack open a bottle of wine?” schtick. Hee. Pratt smiles and nods, saying yes, then actually sounding sincere, tells her that he does want to hear about her research. Bettina thinks if that’s true, then he’s going to have to read up like his “buddy” Morris. Hee. Pratt’s totally willing to do that, but he still wants to take her out. He invites her to the ER department dinner next Thursday night. Bettina’s not impressed, so Pratt adds that he thought maybe afterwards they could get a drink … in a bar … in a public spot. Bettina thinks that “sounds better”. He asks her “C’mon, whattya say?”, and she tells him “Call me” before walking away. I like Bettina … She sooo has Pratt’s number …

Todd is sitting in the hallway, looking down in the dumps. Yeah, I think I’d be down if my scheme of having someone ingest toxic substances backfired and actually almost killed them, too, Todd. Imbecile. And excuse me, but exactly why haven’t the police been called? I know it’s a little crazy in the ER right now, but, I mean, seriously, this kid has, you know, pretty much admitted to poisoning his rival and and yet the authorities haven’t been notified? What about hospital security? Not even his school at the very least? God, they won't expel him, they'll just suspend him for a week or something … Ridiculous … Ray approaches, holds up the violin case and tells Todd that he “forgot this”. I thought you said it belonged to your “patient”, Ray. You know, the one whose food this kid contaminated? Nice. Todd asks if Dimitri has woken up yet, but he hasn’t, … He's alive, and in stable condition. Just another case of a geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably … Ray says that Dimitri has a long road ahead of him, but it was the disease that did this to him, not Todd. Say what??? Todd asks if he’s sure and Ray’s positive because sulfur doesn’t make you sick like this. Really? Well, okay then. Guess you’re off the hook, Todd. My bad. Ray tells him, “You know you got lucky”. Yeah, you so are, Todd. Todd, sounding remorseful, says he knows. Well, there’s that at least. Ray tells him that when the time is right, he will “get the solo”. Even after what he did, Ray? I’m sorry, but just because what he did wasn’t what caused Dimitri’s illness does not excuse the fact that he DID try to poison the kid, for Christ’s sake … Todd asks Ray if he’s ever felt jealous and wanted something that someone else had … Hee … Just every day of his life over the past year, Todd. Oooh, does this mean Ray’s going to poison McEgo? Cool … Raid usually works pretty well for pests, Ray … Just saying … Ray disingenuously hesitates a minute before grinning and admitting that sure he has. Ray tells Todd that in the end, he believes that people get what they deserve. Really? Oh, I so hope that’s true … I’m starting McEgo’s countdown now … And I know exactly “what”, or should I say “who”, it is that I deserve, too … Ray thinks that if you are patient and you are committed, then you can get what you want. Well, I’d have to agree there, Ray … Even though my patience was definitely stretched to the limit by how long it took for that damned triangle to finally disentangle and for Carter to actually haul his smirky ass off my television screen … Now if I could just do something about ousting the current hairdresser and securing my permanent position in the Hair Salon … Bitch … Ray continues with his Mike Brady-esque 70’s sitcom-y fatherly pep talk by telling Todd, “Whatever you want… whether that means a violin solo … or a better grade”, then with a wistful look adds, “… or even a girl …”. Todd takes this all in as Ray lets a rueful chuckle.

McEgo enters his McLair and starts calling for Deej, but there’s no answer. He grabs a brewski from the fridge, because this is Chicago and if you don’t have a brewski in your hand, you might as well be wearing a dress, as the door opens and Deej and Hammer walk in, arguing about the penguins frolicking feature film Happy Feet, which Hammer thinks everybody should like but Deej disagrees because she’s not “everybody”, since she so totally uses her grand IQ to decide what color lip gloss to wear in the morning and how to hit three keggers before curfew.... They’re surprised that McEgo’s home and he just says that he “got off early”, then asks where they’ve been. Deej says “the video store” as Hammer, who’s holding a thermos, all of a sudden looks very uncomfortable about McEgo’s being home. Uh oh. Deej says that they ran out of movies. McEgo tosses some junk mail in the trash and notices an empty liquor bottle in there. Deej is going off about how they’d scored some Jackie Chan flicks as McEgo whips his head around to glare at Hammer. Hammer corrects Deej that they’re “Charlie Chan” films, so I guess she’s not going to be Kung Fu Fighting tonight after all. McEgo asks Deej to give Hammer and him a second to talk. In a surprising, out of character, non-bratty move on her part, Deej says “sure” and goes right to her room. After she leaves, McEgo confronts Hammer about what’s in his thermos. Slurring his words, Hammer very unconvincingly declares that he hasn’t been drinking. McEgo again asks him what’s in the thermos. Hammer says that he felt like having a little bit of orange juice and quickly twist his body away to keep McEgo from getting it when he reaches for the thermos. Hammer wants to know what McEgo’s problem is and McEgo wants Hammer to prove that there’s no booze in there. Hammer doesn’t think he has to prove a damned thing and McEgo needs to “relax”. Come on, McEgo … Hammer Say Relax … Don’t do it … When you want to go to it … McEgo yells at him for drinking and driving with Deej in the car, but Hammer says he wasn’t. McEgo grabs the thermos and the two of them start fighting over it in a schoolgirl-tug-of-war-over-who-gets-Gangsta-Bitch-Barbie-and-who-gets-stuck-playing-with-Transgender-Ken type way … Hammer wrestles it away and chucks it across the room. And that must have been a blow to the McEgo to be beaten by a drunk old man. McEgo shouts at him, “That’s it! I’m done with you!” Man, everyone’s just done with everything in this episode, aren’t they? Anspaugh’s done with Luka about the ER, Gloria’s done with her chemo, Phoebe’s done with Ray, Morris is done with McEgo, McEgo’s done with Hammer, I’m done with caring at all about the Shut Your McTrap Family Singers here … Not that I ever cared in the first place … McEgo strides over to where Hammer’s stuff is and starts angrily shoving it into a duffel bag. Hammer tries to reason with him, saying it was only a little, but since McEgo’s done with Hammer, he tells him “You’re out! You’re moving out!” and keeps packing the bag. Hammer protests that he and Deej just went around the corner. McEgo starts bitching that he never should have let Hammer in because he pulls this crap every time. Because the alcohol’s destroyed so many of his functioning brain cells, Hammer just now realizes that McEgo’s McPacking and asks “What are you doing?” Hammer asks McEgo to listen to him, but McEgo’s done with that, too, and tells him that he’s a drunk and will always be a drunk. McEgo pushes past him and Hammer follows, pleading that he’ll change, as Deej stands off to the side, observing all this. Deej asks McEgo what he’s doing and he tells her to stay there as he goes outside and Hammer follows. McEgo takes the bag with Hammer’s stuff and tosses it out in the street. Hammer, still trying, says that he’s got a job, but McEgo knows that the day the rent is do he’ll go blow it in a bar. Hammer tries to say that it’s not true, but McEgo says it is. Then McEgo totally cuts him with, “You know what else? You weren’t a fire chief … You were a second rate Captain who got demoted because none of the other guys wanted to go into a fire with you”. Oooh … Hammer spits out, “You son of a bitch”, but McEgo’s on a roll and wants Hammer to face facts, “You killed that rookie, didn’t you?” Oh, man … Okay, stop … Hammer Time … as Hammer channels me, hauling off and punching McEgo right in the face, knocking him into some trashcans. YES!!! McEgo totally goaded Hammer into doing that. McEgo’s not done though as he gets back up and shouts at Hammer, “You left him … you left him burning in that building because you were too out of it to go save him” … Yikes, Hammer … McEgo asks why Hammer can’t just face it, but Hammer screams at him, “You can’t talk to me like that!!!” and pulls his arm back to strike McEgo again. This time McEgo’s ready for him and blocks it, then lands a punch square on Hammer’s jaw. Then he grabs Hammer by the shoulders and throws him to the ground, landing on top of him as he howls, “You killed him … You killed your career … and the only way Mom could escape you was to die herself!!!”, as he punches him again. McEgo is so filled with rage that he just keeps beating an already down Hammer as Deej stands in the doorway watching … Damn, McEgo … And I thought Sam had anger management issues …

As the tugging at our heartstrings Vapid Violin Verse of Pummeled Pathetic Panhandler Parents plays, we see a montage of images … Dawn, Abby and Morris pushing patients in wheelchairs down the ER hallway … Sam and Gloria sitting side-by-side on the sofa, sharing a bottle of red wine and looking at a photo album … Todd sitting at Dimitri’s bedside, playing his violin while Dimitri’s parents keep vigil and Ray looks on … Malik locking up the drug cabinet … Pratt sitting beside Chaz’ bed working on charts as Chaz holds an emesis basin and hopes to not have to use it … Chuny and another random orderly escorting a gurney down a hall … Sam taking photos of Gloria, capturing her sad expression as she watches a slideshow of images of herself, including a shot of her and Paul … Hammer getting to his knees as Deej looks at him impassively and a bloody-lipped, sweating McEgo stands over him and glowers …

In an empty, quiet ER, Luka is at Admit finishing some paperwork as Anspaugh exits the elevator behind him. Anspaugh tells him in an “atta boy” tone, “You did it, Dr. Kovac”. A sullen Luka replies “I don’t like this” as he turns off the desk lamp and walks towards the board. Anspaugh chuckles that it’s “not all Mercedes and racquetball”, but Luka knows that, probably because his extracurricular activities are more of the wash, rinse, repeat variety … Bitch … As Luka lifts the board so it retracts, he tells Anspaugh that he’s beginning to think that the politics aren’t worth the paycheck. In a slightly bitter tone, Luka rattles off, “First you make me fire Weaver, then I spend half my time in BS meetings, and I’m flooded with paperwork … and now this”. Anspaugh chuckles again, welcoming him to management. Luka states definitively, “This isn’t me”. Well, Weaver did try to tell you that when you first applied for the job back in The Human Shield, Luka. Luka hands papers to Anspaugh and continues “… I’m resigning as Chief … “ You know, honestly, I can’t say that I’m at all surprised by his resignation. Though at times you could exhibit great skill as a supervisor, it never really seemed like this job was something you were at all comfortable with, did it, Luka? I am wondering though if you discussed this with Abby before you decided to do quit. I sure do hope so, seeing as how your decision does affect her and MoJo. Anspaugh doesn’t seem particularly surprised by this either. In a measured tone he says, “Luka, part of being the boss is being the bad guy”. Raising his eyebrows a little as he says it, Luka tells him sincerely, “I’ll leave that to someone else … I just want to be a doctor”. Carrying charts in his left hand, Luka puts his right hand in his pocket as he turns to leave, giving Anspaugh a “Have a good night” as he walks away from the desk. As Luka starts down the dimly lit hallway, lights begin to turn off with resounding clicks. In a stunning visual image, Luka never breaks stride as he moves further and further into the shadows, the lights being extinguished one by one behind him as he goes, until finally the ER is shrouded in darkness…

This ending sequence somehow elicits sadness, as this exact visual of the lights going out one at a time is how I have always pictured the conclusion of the series finale. The complete and utter finality of the image of Luka walking down the hallway like that, fading into the black, leaves me melancholic and more than a bit uneasy, as it evokes the feeling that this is the last that we will ever see of him working in the ER …