Tuesday, May 01, 2007

ER 13.18 Photographs & Memories

Previously on ER: Dubenko introduces Neela to the new surgical med student, Mae Lee Park, who I recognize as one of the hickey chicks who had Abby examine a neck “bruise” to make sure it wasn’t meningitis in Out On a Limb last season, so I’ve dubbed her Lovebite; Neela tells Lovebite that it’s nice to meet her; Lovebite, not content with neck-kissing has to do some ass-kissing by sucking up to Dubenko, who’s lapping it up; Intern Hope Bobeck, who’s played by Busy Philipps, aka Kim Kelly from Freaks and Geeks, tells Abby to look her in the eye and tell her that she’s not getting married; Abby, not pleased with Busy’s busybody-ing, tells her plainly, “If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you”, so Busy, who evidently doesn’t know enough not to test Abby, immediately runs to tell Morris; Neela is getting dressed for her Walk of Shame after oversleeping from having burrowed in the burrow of Intern Tony Gates, aka John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House, but whose purely putrid pomposity prompted preferred pseudonym of Uncle Ego or McEgo, though McRoadkill works, too, seeing as how his unruly facial stubble indicates that he’s apparently suffering from xyrophobia, the fear of razors; McEgo asks Neela if what he’s supposed to do is ask “Hey, can I have some of your DNA, since mine has apparently mutated irrevocably and I’ve contracted an infectious disease, since everyone knows by now that John Stamos Has Rabies" … and because “I want to find out if I’m your father”, which is reason enough for anyone to get in touch with their inner Eve Plumb and reenact that cheesetastic classic, “Dawn: Portrait of a Teenage Runaway”; Sam tells Luka that she’s going to send away her son, New Alex, or Newlex, but more accurately known as Splinter, for the wooden acting style that he had to have inherited from Neela’s dead husband, Gallant, aka Plank, because the resemblance is uncanny; Becoming a weeping willow, Splinter tells Sam that he doesn’t want to stay there, but Sam leaves him there anyway because celebrating both Earth Day and Arbor Day was getting to be more than she could handle; Ray gives Neela a ride home, and decides that giving her mouth-to-mouth may just be the right antidote to finally cure the Egola virus that’s afflicted her all season.

Morris is at the Board rattling off some numbers as Pratt bitches into the phone at someone, demanding that his patient get a tele-bed right now. He gets cut off and asks Morris, who’s still counting, “What the hell is wrong with the phones?” Morris says that they’re working on them today, and goes right back to his Rain Man recitation. Frank points out a way too smiley, geeky looking guy who reminds me of Ross from Friends and says “Here’s your new medical student”. Pratt’s all confused “What new medical student?” and Ross introduces himself as “Larry Weston, 3rd year, UIC”. Pratt asks Frank why he wasn’t told about this and Frank gripes “I’m telling you now” and walks away. Pratt tells Ross, “Look, Barry …” and Ross corrects him that it’s “Larry”. Pratt apologizes and says that he didn’t know that Ross was coming, and since he’s getting off shift soon, tries to pass the buck, or in this case, pass the schmuck, to Morris, who tells him, “Don’t look at me” and turns back to tabulating. Pratt gets an idea, a wonderful, awful idea, and tells Ross to go find McEgo and tell him that Pratt said Ross is going to be shadowing him all day. Ross repeats, “Dr. Gates?” Pratt says that Ross can’t miss him, he’s a “swarthy kind of guy”. You left out, “smarmy, shady, shifty, shabby, shoddy, seedy, sleazy, sloppy, slovenly, scruffy, scurvy, scummy and Doc”, Pratt. Pratt then does a perfect parody of McEgo’s pretentiously practiced pocket pooling, hunching up his shoulders with his hands in his labcoat pockets as he tells Ross “always has his hands in his pockets”. Hee. Ross is all “Got it”, and heads off, and Pratt smilingly congratulates himself as Frank tells him “I always knew you had a cruel streak”. Ray comes up and asks Pratt if he can sign off on a patient. Looking around, Ray asks if anyone knows who’s on surgical call, and Morris thinks Neela is and asks why, but Ray tries to be all nonchalant, “No reason”. Chuny comes up carrying a huge, like two ft. huge, birthday card, tells them it’s for Sam and that everybody has to sign it. She adds that they’re going to go for drinks at Ike’s later. Ray snarks “Could you find a bigger card?” and Chuny comes back at him “Despite what you’ve been told Ray, size does matter”. Hee. Pratt laughs out loud and Ray’s all “Oh ho-o-o-o” at getting dissed as Frank quickly tries to hide the card because Sam’s come up, asking if anyone wants anything because she’s going on a coffee run. They’re all trying to do the old “we weren’t doing anything … honest” act as they tell her no. Frank’s got the card behind his back and has a look on his face like he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Sam notices and asks him if he’s okay. He tries to cover by saying that his back’s a little stiff. Sam’s not really buying it, but because she needs to get her caffeine on, accepts it with an “Okay”, and heads out the doors. Pratt, catching on to Morris’ counting, asks him what he’s doing. Morris explains that it’s a “well known medical axiom that if the ages of all the patients in the ER add up to 1000, you can go home”. He says that so far he’s up to 781. Chuny wants to know if that’s for real, but Ray says that he heard that your shift is over when you treat a pirate and his parrot, and points over to the Curtain Area, where Captain Jack Sparrow waves at him from the bed he’s sitting on. Pratt says that no one is going anywhere unless he says so then hands Ray a chart for an “infected tummy tuck in Two” and tells Morris that they have a rig pulling in any minute and he can go out and “calculate that”. Morris heads towards the Ambulance Bay, still enumerating, leaving a disgusted Pratt to mutter, “Knuckleheads … I’m surrounded by knuckleheads …”. I know you’re confined by the broadcast rules of the FCC, but I’m thinking there has got to be a better descriptor than “knuckle” to go with “heads”, Pratt.

Fresh from her coffee run to Jumbo Mart, Sam’s is walking through the pouring rain into the Ambulance Bay. Before we see him, we hear Luka call out to her “Hey!”, then rush over from the El steps carrying his see-through umbrella. Sam “hey” ‘s him back as he hurries over to cover her, trying to keep the rain off. Aww, that’s sweet. What a gentleman. Of course, it’s pointless since Sam’s pretty much soaked through already, but sweet nonetheless. Even if it is Sam he’s practicing his gallantry on. Sam “hey” ‘s him back, then weirdly says “Sorry, I really need this”, holding up her coffee cup in a sort of salute. Smiling as he walks with her, he asks, “Long night last night?” as Morris comes out of the ER, and running towards the ambulance that’s just pulled in, calls over to her, “Sam, can you give me a hand?” An unenthusiastic Sam, “Yeah, sure” ‘s him. Luka offers to take her cup, telling her not to worry because her “coffee fix” will be waiting for her at the Admit Desk. I wonder why Luka’s got his chivalrous knighthood on … Maybe he’s still in character from the latest sexy Salon spice-up role-playing he got into with Abby, Damsel in Distress and Her Human Jousting Pole … Bitch … Sam walks over towards the rig without saying “thank you” to Luka. Nice, Sam. Guess you studied at the Abby Lockhart School of Charmless Courtesy, Missing Manners, and Erratic Etiquette, since she demonstrated her tactless non-thanking technique in the last episode. As he walks towards the doors, Luka turns and calls to her, “Hey … Happy Birthday!” Nice, Luka. Couldn’t seem to remember Abby’s birthday in Beyond Repair only a few months after you two broke up, yet you can remember Sam’s a whole year and a half later, eh, Luka? Though maybe you know it’s today since there are plans to go to Ike’s after shift tonight and if you and Abby are planning to go, you would have had to have set up a babysitter for your son, Mongo Joe Kovac, or MoJo, ahead of time … So I guess I’ll let it slide … Because you’re you … and you’ve been so pleasantly polite … and perfectly Pretty … Just saying … Surprisingly, Sam actually does remember propriety, which means she’s probably taking this semester off from school, and thanks him as she continues to the ambulance. Paramedics are giving Morris the bullet on Alfred Gower, who’s played by Seymour Cassel, aka Dusty from The Royal Tenenbaums. Seems Dusty has a blocked g-tube and is in hospice care for end-stage esophageal cancer. Oh, that sucks, Dusty. Morris wants to know if Dusty’s in hospice, why is he here. Dusty says that the g-tube is a comfort measure, as a camera flash goes off. Sam looks into the rig to see a camera pointed at her, its owner taking pictures. Sam’s all “What the hell?” and Morris yells to the woman photographer that she needs to stop that as she starts to climb out of the ambulance and we can see that it’s Annabella Sciorra, who played Gloria Trillo on The Sopranos. Morris tells Sam that he hears they’re all going out for drinks later for her birthday and she tries to blow it off that they don’t have to because it’s not a big deal as Gloria keeps snapping away. Sam bitches, “You know what, lady? You’re gonna have to knock it off or I’m gonna rip that camera right out of your hands”. Dusty tells Sam that it’s alright because Gloria’s with him. Sam doesn’t really care and tells Gloria that she’s in their way. Gloria tells her that she’s “authorized”, then says “C’mon, smile for the camera, birthday girl!” and snaps a simply lovely shot of Botox-scowling Sam holding up her hand and pissily shouting “Hey, knock it off!!!”, as we move into funky opening graphic montage.

Luka, obviously getting in some quality time in his and Abby’s in-home Hair Salon … Bitch … because his hair's looking fab and at a nice length for him, is sporting a shirt in one of his Luka Blues - Luka Blue III, the powder blue with white stripes, to be exact - and once again with a tie that makes it the stripe on stripe thing going on. He is in the hallway, looking at a chest x-ray on the viewer as Morris leans on the counter next to him, giving him a knowing smirk. Not even looking over at him, Luka says “May I help you with something, Morris?” Morris tells him, “No … but I can help you with one word …”, then smugly declares, “Las Vegas”. Luka’s all “Pardon?”, as Morris realizes that Las Vegas is indeed two words. Morris explains that it’s the hot venue for destination weddings. Surprised, Luka looks over him “What?”, and getting that Morris knows, narrows his eyes and starts to demand “How did you know …?” Morris jumps in, telling him not to worry because he’s been “sworn to secrecy” as Luka starts looking around to make sure no one else can hear what they’re talking about. Morris excitedly holds up a tourist brochure and starts telling Luka how it has “glitz, glamour, Celine Dion”. Wanting to end this conversation, Luka takes down the x-ray and as he moves to get away from Morris, tells him “Abby and I are not exactly the ‘glitz and glamour’ type”. Hee. They so aren’t. Morris won’t give up and walks with him, going on about how there are plenty of cultural things to do to, like “the Hoover Dam, Liberace Museum, Nudes on Ice”. Hee. Trying to make a getaway, Luka goes to duck into an Exam Room, telling Morris “I’m not talking about this …” and lowering his voice, continues, “… and if I were you, I wouldn’t mention it to Abby either, okay?”. Hee. Good advice, Luka. Though, honestly, I would so like to see that conversation. Morris still isn’t done and asks him “Well, what about for your bachelor party?” Luka, because he’s been spending so much time with Abby and has picked up some of her patented scowls … Bitch … gives him a “are you kidding me with this?” grimace, and Morris asks “Did I mention the brothels in Nevada? Luka just shakes his head dismissively at him, and goes into the room, closing the door in Morris’ face as Morris calls to him “They’re legal!” Hee. As the door slams, Abby, dressed in scrubs today with a long sleeved grey t-shirt underneath and with her hair pulled back in a ponytail, which looks nice, probably attributable to the aforementioned Salon time … Bitch … walks up saying “What’s legal?” and a flustered Morris tries to cover with “Uh, cock fighting in Louisiana”, then looks away cringing because even he knows how lame that was. Hee. A smirking Abby says sarcastically, “Good to know”. Hee. Morris, not so subtly, quickly tucks the brochure in a chart and sticks it under his arm, clearing his throat uncomfortably. A still grinning Abby watches him because this behavior is strange even for Morris, and asks him if he’s alright. He tries to disguise his discomfort by insisting that he’s fine, and that he would love to chat with her, but he thinks he hears Frank calling him, then pretends that he does and hurries off towards Admit, yelling “Frank, what’s up?” Abby looks after him with a WTF expression, but then quickly shakes it off like she’s decided that it’s par for the course with Morris. Hee.

Heading over to a bed in the Curtain Area, Abby pulls back the curtain and starts to introduce herself, “Hello, I’m Doctor …”, stopping in mid-sentence as she raises her eyebrows with a “well, hello … what have we here” expression and the camera reveals two bimbo Barbie dolls-alikes, one of whom is in the bed dressed in a hospital gown, who look like they were airbrushed in Oompa Loompa orange. Since being chosen as this month’s Miss August is like a compliment that they’ll remember for as long as they can and because right now they’re freshman in their fourth year of college but their goal is to become veterinarians because they love children, they’re sporting matching banally blank brainless Britney blonde grins. Abby finishes, “… Lockhart” as the Britneys just look at her with the plastered on smiles. Abby starts to ask Bed Britney, “So you fainted at the, uh …” and Bed Britney interrupts, “sunning gallery”. She says that she was waiting for a tanning bed when it happened as Britney 2, Electric Boogaloo, chimes in all seriously “She passed out … it was awful”. Abby asks Bed Britney if she had breakfast and she says she did, adding “Diet soda and two saltines”. Abby doesn’t think that really sounds like breakfast, because she’s changed her tune from Season 7 Abby who told Luka in Witch Hunt that she didn’t believe in breakfast, to the Abby she is today who considers Pop-tarts, and Luka-made waffles … Bitch … as the Breakfast of Champions. Bed Britney states that she and Britney 2 are going to be tan and thin for Spring Break if it kills them. Yeah, well, if you keep following the Hunger Strikers’ Guide to Meal Planning, the latter just might happen, Bed Britney. Moron. Abby remarks in an under-the-breath ironic tone as she checks her watch and looks away, “Well, you’re on your way …”. Hee. She calls over to Sam who’s walking by and asks if she can get two liters of saline and a chem. panel. Sam says sure, then spots the Britney twins and is all “Wow!” Hee. Sam thinks “That’s some color you guys got there”, as Abby looks at her and smirks and the Britneys smile proudly, and in stereo say, “Thank you!” Abby tells them that tanning puts them at serious risk for cancer and asks if they’ve ever thought about self-tanner or spray-on tans. Sam agrees and tells them that they don’t want to have skin “like leather” when they’re in their forties. Bed Britney comes back at her, “We’re still at an age where we care how we look …”, and Britney 2 gives Abby and Sam a condescending, “Mmm hmm”. Abby and Sam stare at them for a second, then Abby raises her eyebrows, gives them a fake smile and says, “Okay …”, hangs the chart back on the bed, then shares a grin with Sam. Still smiling, she brushes off the Britneys with, “We’re going to need to keep you here while we wait for you labs”, as she and Sam head off. Walking away from the bed, the two of them are wearing, “well, that was fun” grins and Sam says “Ouch!” as Abby rips her gloves off, snapping them purposefully. Sam can’t believe that they just got dissed by those “walking raisins”. Abby chuckles then hopes that it rains every day on Spring Break, as Sam still has her mouth open with a “I still really can’t believe that just happened” look. Hee. Abby turns to her and says sincerely, “Oh, Happy Birthday, by the way” and continues down the hall. In a “yeah, this was so not what I needed on my birthday” tone, Sam thanks her. Oh, I’ll bet Abby will mark your grade down for that politeness, Sam.

Sam heads into Trauma Yellow, aka The Trauma Room of Impending Doom, where Dusty is with Gloria at his bedside. All cheerful despite the color of the paint, Sam tells him, “Hey, Mr. Gower, we’ve got a new g-tube in your size”. Mr. Gower … Hee … I just can’t hear that name without hearing Jimmy Stewart say it because that was the name of the druggist who was George Bailey’s employer when he was a kid and how George stopped him from putting the wrong medicine in a packet because he was drunk in It’s A Wonderful Life and then the whole scene after George was never born where he’s at Martini’s – or Nick’s as it was in that scene – and Mr. Gower comes in all drunk and Nick the bartender sprays him with soda because he really did kill someone because George wasn’t there to stop the medicine mix-up and how George tries to stop Nick and then Nick gives my favorite line in the whole movie, “Out you two pixies go – through the door or out the window” … Good times … Gloria asks if they can’t unclog the one Dusty already has, but Sam says that they had tried flushing it and it didn’t work so they’re going to have to replace it. Dusty thinks they should forget about the g-tube and he’ll buy them all a steak and a bottle of Cabernet. Sounds good to me, Dusty. Sam thinks that’s tempting, but tells him she’ll get him a meal with an “Ensure chaser” instead. Dusty thinks that somehow that doesn’t quite make it. Hey, Sam may be an ungrateful leather-skinned hag, but I’m all up for the Carnivore and Cocktails special, Dusty. Just saying. Sam goes to get a blanket for Dusty and Gloria walks over to her and introduces herself as “Diana Moore”. Sam starts to say “Listen, about earlier …” but Gloria cuts her off and tells her not to worry about it, it’s no problem. Sam corrects her that she was going to tell her that even if she is authorized, she can’t get in the way of them doing their jobs. Taken aback a bit, Gloria promises that it won’t happen again. Dusty tells Sam not to blame Gloria, because she’s dedicated to her work. Sam wants to know what that work is, “Patient paparazzi?” Hee. Gloria says that actually she’s documenting hospice patients to their deaths. Yikes. Dusty thinks that he’s mucking it up by continuing to breathe. Yeah, don’t get so smug, Dusty. Have you seen the wall color in that room? Dusty gives Gloria an affectionate kiss on the temple and she cracks, “It’s all about you, isn’t it?” Dusty says that he has to hang around long enough to convince her to run away with him to Cabo, but Gloria says that she’s holding out for Maui. Oh, so with you on the Hawaii thing, Gloria … at least there’s no washed-up Van Halen front man fronted tourist trap bars there … Sam smiles at their banter as Dusty gives in and says “Okay … Maui”. Gloria asks Sam if there’s someplace she can stash her stuff and upload some photos. Sam says she’ll check and be right back.

Out in the hallway, Sam spots Frank and asks if she can get a pureed meal for Trauma One. Frank wants to know why she’s asking him, but she ignores this and tells him to make it mashed potatoes and turkey as she keeps on walking. Frank thinks that someone is getting “bossy in her old age”, Sam laughs at this and tells him that she’s only 28. And you already have that forehead frowning furrow going on, Sam? Damn, Sam, you’d better call the Plastic Surgeon to book the emergency injection appointment, and all the subsequent follow-ups, ASAP or else just have the Botocrease, buttcrack-looking line permanently tattooed on and forget about it. Frank tells her to live it up while she can because she’s about to hit the big 3-0. Sam just smiles and all cockily says that she’s not afraid of turning 30. Oh, with your gravitation to glowering, you should be afraid, Sam. Be very afraid … She walks up to Morris, who’s at the Board and tells him that she’s got Dusty’s g-tube. Frank tells Sam what I did, that she should be afraid, though his reasoning is that at 30 gravity takes over and everything “north of the equator turns south”. Proving my point, Sam scowls and glares after him, scoffing, “What?” Morris explains that it means that she’s got a very small window before she goes from “miss to ma’am, skinny jeans to relaxed fit, blonde highlights to little black chin hairs”, as he moves closer to inspect Sam’s face, and she unconsciously puts her hand up to check her chin as she laughs “O-o-oh, that is so wrong …”, probably because Morris has the last bit wrong – she’s got black roots and big black chin hairs …

McEgo, with his hands in his pockets and looking like he may have finally found a working razor, walks up to Admit with Ross. He tells him that he knows Ross is a smart guy … well, duh, McEgo, he is like a dinosaur doctor and all … and he knows that Pratt assigned Ross to him, but McEgo egos that he does his best work alone. Oh, God, please let that just be his never-ending narcissism at work, and not a reference to his pocketballing … What’s the score, McEgo? 1-1, but the referee’s a dick … Eww … I just threw up a little in my mouth … Ross really wants to learn, so McEgo gets rid of him by telling him to categorize the charts in the rack. Ross is all excited and asks if he wants them by patient name or arrival time, and McEgo tells him “Surprise me”. Well, you’ve already surprised me, McEgo, with the fact that you’re still on this show, and that Neela hasn’t seemed to have caught on to what a McAsshole you McAre yet. Ugh. McEgo walks over to Frank and asks if he knows anything about Bluetooth technology, and Frank asks “What the hell is a ‘blue tooth’?” Isn’t it that Dr. Who spinoff? McEgo takes Frank’s answer as a “no” and says that it’s “my little thing that’s broken”. Wow, McEgo’s actually admitting that he’s got a “little” thing? Not that I expected any “thing” different … But, really, Neela, what the hell is the attraction then? McEgo says that he can’t “dictate his notes into it”. Gee, who’d have thought you’d be that flexible, McEgo. You must take that yoga class Dubenko recommended. Though I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, most dogs are able to lick their own balls, after all. Frank advises him to get a secretary and McEgo McSmirks as he looks over at Ross.

Looking around a little nervously, Neela heads into the Lounge to get some coffee. She looks up with a “deer caught in the headlights” expression as Ray enters. She tries to cover her discomfort by stammering a “hi” and explaining that she’s just getting coffee. Ray just as awkwardly says that he came in for some tea. He squeezes behind her to get to the counter, then picks up a pot of what seems to be decaf coffee. Huh? That’s weird. He turns to Neela and says, “Honey?”, and she immediately looks up, automatically answering, “Yeah?” Hee. Realizing what she just said, she gets all flustered, “What?”, then grins a little and looks down, before clearing her throat and covering her face with her right hand in a “I can’t believe I just did that” gesture as she realizes that he was asking for honey for his tea, or I guess “coffee”, since that’s what’s in the pot he’s holding. Neela hands him the little bear shaped squeeze bottle, which Ray takes and immediately puts down, which I suppose is because he realizes that it would probably taste nasty in his coffee. He conversationally asks her, “You busy?” and she quickly answers “Very”, like she’s so not wanting to talk about what happened between them in his car, their awkwardness around each other very noticeable. Sam and Gloria walk in. Sam’s asking Gloria how long she’s been working on her project and Gloria says about a year. Ray tells Neela, “I’m gonna go”, she says “Me too”, and they both move to leave at the same time, almost bumping into one another before doing that little shuffle dance to get around each other and heading out opposite doors. Sam asks Gloria if she doesn’t find what she’s doing a “tad morbid”. Gloria says that it’s been known to stop a few conversations at cocktail parties, but that she’s not just documenting the end of somebody’s existence – she’s also documenting people’s lives, rich with history, while they’re engaged in the struggle to survive. Sam asks if they ever want to let go and Gloria says they do … sometimes. Gloria thinks that can be beautiful, too. Sam doesn’t look too sure. Gloria tells her that she’s seen a lot of dying in her life, and it’s just made her want to live more. Sam asks her what she means by “a lot of dying”. Gloria tells her that she’s been covering war and unrest since 1984 – Somalia, Chechnya, Tiananmen Square, Iraq. Sam kids her, “I can see why you’re a big hit at parties”, and Gloria chuckles. She says that when their eyes start to glaze over she treats them to stories about the famous fashion photographer that she worked with right out of high school in Paris. Sam’s all impressed because she’s always wanted to see Paris. Well, I would think with your bleached blonde and your pretty surreal simple life, Paris would want to see you, too, Sam. Gloria says that she was there when she was 18 with no responsibilities and nothing to tie her down, then says conspiratorially, “You know what I mean”. With a wistful expression Sam’s all “Oh, yeah, sure”. Gloria says that she went through an avant-garde phase for a while and when that didn’t pay the rent, she tried nature photography. Sam can relate to that, Gloria – since her family portraits always have a tree in them … Gloria jokes, “You think models have attitude? Try working with a moose”. I don’t know, Gloria, that one on Northern Exposure seemed kind of laid back … Sam thinks Gloria has an exciting life, but Gloria tells her that the grass isn’t always greener. Gloria asks Sam if she likes photography, but Sam scoffs that she’s lucky if she doesn’t put her finger over the lens on a disposable camera. Sam notices McEgo and Morris leading in a gurney and tells Gloria that she has to go, but to use the room for as long as she wants. Gloria watches Sam leave.

Morris says that the guy on the gurney is Derek Marcic, 32, driver of a jackknifed truck on the Dan Ryan. Camera pans down to show Derek, with a gashed forehead, neck brace on and his head strapped down … Hey! It’s the delicious Steve Bacic, who played Telemachus Rhade on Andromeda! Proving once again that I so need to move to Croatia, since like The Pretty, he’s originally from there, too … Damn, but they grow them good in the Balkans … Yum … Rhade looks around frantically, asking where his wife, Mary, is. Sam tells him that they’ll call her as soon as they can, but he says that she was with him, she always rides with him. Zadro the Paramedic says that they were trying to cut her out when they left, but it’s going to be a while because the truck was mangled really bad. Getting upset, Rhade tries to get off the gurney, shouting that’s he’s got to go to his wife. They all restrain Rhade and Sam tells him that as soon as they find his wife, they’ll let him know as they head into Trauma Yellow. Shit. A couple of orderlies move Dusty out of the way to make room for Rhade.

Pickman the Paramedic opens up the back of the rig to bring in Corey Hales, who was in the compact car that Rhade’s semi hit, tearing the roof right off the car. Yikes. Luka, Abby and Chuny are waiting to help unload the gurney. Abby’s got on her yellow rain slicker, but isn’t wearing the hood so her head’s getting drenched anyway. Dumbass. Pickman gives the bullet that Corey is tachy to 132, systolic’s 74, sat’s 94. Pickman’s bagging Corey, who’s just a kid, and Abby asks if he was conscious at the scene. Pickman answers that he “went active in the rig, GCS 7”. A balding guy, who looks a bit like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite, gets out behind the gurney and Pickman says that he’s Vincent Hales, restrained driver. Kip leans over Corey, telling him not to worry because “Daddy’s here”. Luka, who’s holding a metal clipboard over Corey’s head to keep the rain off, asks Pickman why Kip isn’t boarded and collared. Now that’s a bit kinky, Luka. What, has Abby been your “Mistress” and you two have been playing Dominatrix and Her Slave or something? … Bitch … And if you are going to be “boarding” or “collaring” anyone, it’s going to be me, Luka. Just saying … Pickman says that Kip refused at the scene, he wanted to be with his boy. Luka tells her that it’s not acceptable, but Pickman claims that he was walking and talking with good vitals and his son was crashing, so she wasn’t about to argue. You should understand that, Luka. You thought the same thing about Harkins the med student after you smashed your Viper with her in it back in Hindsight. Of course, Harkins really wasn’t alright, but I’m hoping Kip doesn’t crash like she did. Kip asks if Corey’s going to be okay. Pickman says that the sat’s are down to 83 and Luka yells, “Okay, let’s move it!!!”

Morris is listening to Rhade’s very nice chest and says that the lungs are clear and breath sounds are equal. Morris, McEgo and Sam are all wearing lead aprons, so they either have or are going to take some x-rays. Sam says that she’s going to let “them” know that they’ve moved Dusty. McEgo says that Rhade’s belly is soft and he has a stable pelvis, and you best not be touching anywhere near Rhade’s pelvis, McPervert. Ross comes over and tells McEgo, “I’ll get his arm for you” and McEgo just shoots him a “this displeases me” look. Morris orders a CBC, trauma panel and to type and cross. Sam, with a needle in Rhade’s arm, says that she’s “gotta flash”. Oh, please don’t, Sam, because I so don’t want to see that. The only ones around here I want to see “flash”-ing, are the two Croatian Cuties … Just saying … Although it might be that Sam’s got a flash, in which case, that’s alright then. Ray, who’s come in to help, asks Rhade what happened, but Rhade doesn’t know and says that it all happened really fast. Ray calls for a tox screen and an ETOH level as well. Neela comes in through the door behind McEgo and says “hi”, to which he “Hey, Mayday” ‘s her while she gives a sort of “oh, shit” look that both McEgo and Ray are working this trauma. Ray looks up at her, but she’s flustered and has to look away as she stammers that she got a page. She introduces herself to Rhade and she asks him if anything hurts, but he says “Not really”. He tries to sit up again, asking if they’ve brought in his wife. Ray pushes him back down and McEgo tells him to relax and let them “work on him”. Sam says that she’ll find out about Mary for Rhade. Morris says that Rhade’s vitals are good and they just need Surgery to sign off. We see Corey’s convoy enter Trauma Green as Ray says there are no step-offs and no deformities. Neela notices scars on Rhade’s knees and asks if he had some nasty knee surgeries. Removing Rhade’s backboard, McEgo asks if it was “medial meniscus, ACL, anything?” As Morris lifts the head of the bed so that I can get a better view of Rhade’s chest and abs … Thanks, Morris … Yum … Rhade answers “Both”, and that they’re old injuries from football. Morris asks him where he played, and Rhade says a bunch of places, “IndianaOhio …” then says that he was pretty good for a while. Sam hands him a form and says that she needs him to sign it. Rhade asks what it is and Sam explains that it’s Consent to Treatment and hands him a pen. Rhade just stares at the paper. Neela tells him that they need him to sign for any labs or tests. Sam watches Rhade and shows him where to sign his name, then realizes that something’s wrong as he continues to stare at it. McEgo thinks that Rhade may have hit his head harder than they thought. Morris says that they’d better get a scan and tells Sam to call CT. Ross asks “Good mechanism for ICH, right?”, which is intercranial hemorrhage, and Morris agrees, adding that car crashes are a leading cause of TPI, or traumatic brain injury. Thanks, eMedicine. Sam goes to call CT, but can’t because the phone’s out. She heads into Trauma Green.

Luka, Pratt, Abby, Busy and Chuny are working on Corey as Kip watches. Sam heads to the phone, asking them if it works as Chuny calls out that the sat’s only 81. Busy’s trying to intubate, but Luka tells her “Stop and bag him up”, just as Busy finally gets the tube in. Abby looks over at Kip, who’s standing very stiffly next to the table. She asks him if he’s in pain, but he doesn’t answer. Luka asks for someone to take Kip to Exam Three, get a c-collar on him and have a Resident check him out, but Kip insists on staying with Corey. Abby tells Chuny to call for a vent, but Pratt negates that, saying that she has to get access first, then tilts his head at Busy, signaling her to make the call. Luka says that Corey’s pressure is too low and he’s too clamped down. As if anyone were listening, Kip starts babbling how they were driving back from Ohio to see his parents. Abby’s got some kind of drill thing on Corey’s left leg to get vascular access and says “IO going into the left tibia”. Luka orders to run a liter of NS through the IO, and tells Abby to place another one on the other side, as Kip keeps kvetching and totally blows his line by saying they “let the kids miss school, so we stayed an extra day early”. Nice, Kip. But since no one was listening to you, including the director, I guess it doesn’t matter that you totally fucked that up. Luka says that he’ll place a subclavian as Chuny says that the BP’s 76/24. Yikes. That doesn’t sound good. Kip wants to know what’s happening and Abby tells him that Corey’s pressure’s too low and he might be bleeding internally. Luka asks Sam, who’s just now hanging up the phone, if Neela is next door and Sam says she is. Luka asks her to please ask Neela to come in there. Frank comes in bitching that he’s got a stab wound to the neck in Triage and he can’t find anybody in a white coat. Is Frank doing Triage now? I thought that was a nurse’s job … Weird … Luka tells Pratt to go, and Pratt hurries out as Abby drills a hole into Corey’s right leg this time. Chuny says that the pulse is in the 140’s. Abby says that the first unit’s in and she’s hanging O-neg and another IO. Luka’s having problems placing the subclavian and, shaking his head, says quietly, “Damn, I can’t get a flash”. Neela comes in, standing in the doorway with the door open between the two trauma rooms. She says that she heard they’ve got a hypotensive kid in here with no good access and asks if she should put in femoral. Luka tells her to go ahead as Kip looks into the other room and spots Rhade. Not taking his eyes off Rhade, Kip says that he saw him after the accident. Abby glances over as Neela calls for an 18 gauge and a cordis introducer. Getting visibly upset, Kip says “Hey, he was driving the truck, wasn’t he?!?! … He’s the one who caused this!” Abby tries to tell him, “Uh, we don’t know that, sir”, but Kip’s having none of it as he starts calling over to Rhade, “Hey you! I’m talking to you!” Rhade looks up as Kip starts shouting, “Look what you did to my son!!!” Luka tells Kip that he needs to calm down. Rhade turns to Sam and asks if Corey’s going to be alright. Kip, losing it, starts yelling “And you killed them! You killed my wife and daughter!!!” Oh, man. Lafawnduh’s dead??? That totally sucks … Hearing this, Sam and McEgo look over at Kip. Luka tells him that if he doesn’t control himself, Kip’s going to have to leave. Damn, I wonder if this trauma is going to bring up about how Luka lost his wife, daughter and son, too??? Rhade doesn’t turn around, but worriedly asks Sam, “What he’s saying … Is it true???” An overwrought Kip is still shouting, “What am I supposed to do, huh?!?!? Rhade asks “Did I do that???” as we hear Kip crying “You killed my wife and daughter!” Sam doesn’t know what to say. Rhade looks over at Kip, who’s still glaring at him, saying in a broken voice, “Bastard!” as Chuny comfortingly leads him away from the door. Rhade, who looks distraught and like he’s about to burst into tears, takes a shaky breath.

Busy comes in carrying Corey’s film and hands it to Abby, who holds it up to take a look. Luka asks Chuny, “How much in so far?” and she says “Almost three liters”. Luka asks for the vitals and Chuny says that the pulse is 138, BP 75/29. Kip, who’s sitting on a stool next to Corey, glowers over at Rhade, who keeps looking worried over at Corey. Kip leans in, stroking Corey face as he whispers, “It’s okay, son … You’re doing great”. Neela says “The fluid’s not touching him”, as Abby drops the x-ray, saying “That’s because it’s not getting into his circulation”. She heads over to the other side of the table and holds the film up for Luka to look at, telling him that it’s “SI joint disruption”, as Luka makes a “damn it” grimace. Busy looks at the films, too, and chimes in that there’s also a pelvic fracture and says that she’ll get the T Pod. Moving back to the other side, Abby says that all the fluid that they’re running into Corey’s extremities is pouring directly into the fracture. Neela says that Corey needs access above the break. Busy holds up the T Pod and asks “How do I get this thing on?”, and Neela says that she’ll show her as Lovebite comes through the doors. Neela spots her and Lovebite says that Dubenko sent her to observe. Neela and Busy place the T Pod. Lovebite asks if they can do an IO “up there”, and Luka glances over at her, then says that it’s a little tricky to get the position right, “… but, yeah, you can”, as Abby starts drilling into Corey’s clavicle. Luka calls for 200 mikes per kilo of Factor 7-A and Abby says that she’s in and she unhooks Corey’s line from below the T Pod. She says “Running the blood up here …” as she hooks it up to the hole she’s just drilled. Neela says that Corey should go upstairs for Angio and maybe the OR, which causes Kip’s head to whip up and he asks anxiously, “You mean an operation?” Luka tells him reassuringly, “Perhaps, but he should be okay”. Kip tells Corey, “You hear that, buddy? It’s all good.” This makes Abby look up at Luka, who glances over at her, and gives her a “nice save” little grin before turning back to Corey.

Sam goes back into Trauma Yellow and hands Rhade’s CT results to Ray, who puts it up on the viewer. Sam tells Rhade that Mary’s being choppered in and should be here soon. Rhade asks if they said how she is, but Sam says no, but she’ll get an update. Morris tells Rhade that the CT showed that his neck is fine and his brain looks good and healthy. Rhade replies sarcastically, “Yeah, I’ll bet”. Looking sad, he thinks that if he wasn’t so “damn stupid”, his wife wouldn’t be coming there by chopper, and kids wouldn’t be hurt. Morris tells him that he needs to be observed overnight and that they’ll keep him down there in the ER until they can find him a bed. Morris and Sam leave. Ray tells Rhade that he should rest now.

Sam and Morris exit into the hallway and he asks her “So, birthday girl, you been getting the ol’ sexy on now that Alex is away at that fancy boarding school?” Sam shoots him the perma-scowl and says that it’s not fancy, and that she sent her kid there because he needed “help”, which I’m sure is just her codeword for “composting”. Morris apologizes. Sam admits that she feels she might have made a mistake because she’s been emailing and calling Splinter, but he’s ignoring her. Well, that’s probably because trees don’t have opposable thumbs, so he has some trouble working keyboards and touchpads, Sam. Morris assures her that she did the right thing, but it might take Splinter some time to adjust, and not to worry because everything’s going to turn out fine. Morris heads over to the Curtain Area as Sam mutters almost under her breath, “Hope so”, and continues to Admit. She asks Frank if there are any updates on the chopper with the trucker’s wife. Frank says “negative” and Sam asks if she’s had any calls and he replies “double negative”.

Abby walks up to Admit and Busy rushes to catch up with her saying all excitedly “Hey … Abby … awesome save on that boy today”. Abby thanks her and tells her that she was a big help. So I guess you dropped out of your own school, huh, Abby? Abby goes to the Board and Busy, behind her, reaches down under the counter and pulls out what looks like a big white photo album/scrapbook thingy with lace type stuff hanging out of it. With her back to Busy, Abby wipes something off the board. Busy, all hopeful as she stands there with her binder, tells Abby that there’s something she’d like to talk to her about, if she has a minute. Not turning around, Abby says that she doesn’t really right now, “but maybe later?” Looking disappointed, Busy says “Sure … no problem…”. She turns and walks over to the counter and puts the book down as she gets on the laptop. Sam, on a call, asks into the phone whether Splinter has gotten any of her messages. Pratt hands her a chart and gives her a bunch of orders for his pancreatitis guy, as she gives him a disgusted, “Yo, I’m on the phone here” face, but says quietly “yeah sure”. Pratt tells her to give the results to Luka because he’s outta there, and Sam gives him a dismissive nod as she goes back to her call and says “Can you just tell him that his mother called again?”, then thanks them and hangs up. Did Sam drop-out, too? Sam notices Busy’s binder and asks “What is this???” Busy, who had walked over to the other side of Admit, sees what Sam has and, shooting a worried glance towards Abby, hurries back over, trying to stop her from looking at it. Too late, Sam’s already flipping through it. Sam starts reading “Ten Don’t’s Before You Say ‘I Do’ … ‘Taffeta or Tulle, It’s Up to You’ “. Hee. Taffeta, darling … Taffeta, sweetheart … Camera pans down to the scrapbook, which is filled with all sorts of wedding paraphernalia – magazine articles, photos, fabric samples, invitation examples, etc. Oh my God … Busy’s Muriel Heslop!!! … Or is it “Mariel”? … I wonder if her idea of a smackin’ good time is to go to Bridal Shops pretending to be getting married and get pictures of herself in dresses to put in the album, too? Freak. I wonder if she’s tried on every dress in Sydney? Busy looks worriedly over towards Abby to see if she’s caught on to any of this. Sam asks Busy “Are you getting married???” Uh oh, Abby heard that, as, without turning around, her ears perk up to their conversation. Busy’s all laughing, “Me??? … No …” and Abby sighs, licks her lips then bites on them, checking off the board purposively with a “Oh, she is so not doing this” expression and looking away. Busy tells Sam that it’s “wedding research” and taking back the book, which has the title “Till Death” on the front, clasps it to her chest protectively, adding, “… that I’ve collected over the years”. Sam thinks it weighs a ton. Well, it’s like a 5” binder, Sam – they sure can hold a lot of shit. Sam asks her how long she’s been doing research and Busy tells her “Since I was ten”, which totally amuses Abby to no end, as, with her back still to them, she’s got her hand to her mouth as she raises her eyebrows and grins mockingly. Hee. Sam, after getting over her shock at “Ten???”, wants to know why Busy has it here. Busy, hesitates a moment, then looking over at Abby’s back, starts in an overly loud voice, “Someone I know is getting married …” Abby rolls her eyes and looks down, and Busy continues, “… and I thought she might like to borrow it”. Busy adds, “… without getting angry, or hurting me”. Hee. You’re terrible, Muriel … Sam says that she’d have no idea how to plan a wedding, “if and when that ever happens”. Yeah, I’m thinking the “if” is more apt there, Sam. Getting all starry-eyed, Busy thinks that weddings are wonderful, as Abby finally turns around and heads over towards her. Busy chirps, “… and they’re magical … “ as Abby, walking by without looking at her, throws her shoulder forcefully into Busy’s, knocking the binder out of her hands. Ha!! That was funny. Abby doesn’t miss a beat and just keeps going as a shocked Busy looks down at where her cherished memories have landed on the floor. Hee. She looks after Abby, who looks over her shoulder and offers a sarcastic, “Ooops … So sorry”, before continuing down the hall. Hee. Busy bends down to pick up her precious moments, saying pointedly and loudly so that Abby will hear, “Well, I would be honored, Sam …” as Abby shoots her a glare before heading down another hallway and Busy goes on “… to help you … when your day comes”. Busy looks anxiously over in the direction Abby just went. Hee. This scene was really funny and proves once again what great comedic timing Maura Tierney has, and, just like last week, I’m really liking the interplay between her and Busy. Busy so needs to be main cast, ER.

McEgo and Ross are coming out of an Exam Room. Ross is all excited and can’t believe that McEgo let him do a paracentesis. McEgo McEgo’s that his philosophy is that 90% of learning is doing. Ross is wondering that as an Intern, doesn’t McEgo need supervision? Oh, Ross. Obviously you don’t watch this show or else you would know that it is standard operating procedure to always have on hand an I’m-so-wonderful-and-can-do-whatever-I-want-just-because-I’m-me-and-my-contracts-say-so self-appointed, supercilious, smug, insultingly irritating, insolently insincere, impertinently insubordinate, infuriatingly imperious SuperDoc. McEgo suggests that they just keep it between themselves, and that nobody needs to know about it, especially Luka or Pratt. McEgo spots Neela, Lovebite and Kip with Corey’s gurney, waiting for the elevator. McEgo quickly McDismisses Ross by telling him to go double-check the charts, because he thinks being thorough will “be fun”. As the elevator doors open, he asks if they need help. Neela is about to respond, Lovebite jumps in and tells her “I’ve got it, Neela. Lucien wants you to stay down here”. A little put off, Neela asks “Lucien does?” and Lovebite just gives her a knowing smile as the doors close. Neela looks away disgustedly, then looks back at McEgo, giving him a little grin. No, Neela, you’re supposed to look away disgustedly, after looking at McEgo, not before. No wonder you’re so screwed up – the Egola virus must pass on a some sort of mutated version of his dyslexia that makes you do everything backwards … They walk down the hall and Neela asks him how “things” are. He says that Deej spent the weekend with her GrandDeejParents, which is good because it gave her time to think about everything. He tells Neela that he’s going to talk to Deej about the whole paternity test thing. Neela asks if he has any idea how Deej will take it, but he doesn’t know because he’s still having a hard time with it himself. Neela asks if there’s anything she can do, but McEgo doesn’t want to put her in an awkward position. Well, wouldn’t she have to get into an awkward position to actually “do it” with roadkill? And now I’ve just thrown up even more into my mouth … And, yeah, McEgo, like infecting her with rabies and inducing her complete personality change hasn’t already put her in an “awkward position”? Ugh. Neela says she knows, but asks if she can help. He tells her that he doesn’t want to make her feel like she has to do something more than she wants. The fact that she’s with you at all is more than I want, McEgo. Yuck. Neela tells him that she just doesn’t know how she fits in. He says that he understands and tells her that he’ll keep her posted. Then he tells her that he used to sit in his room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. But since he met her, he hasn’t listened to one ABBA song and that’s because now his life is as good as an ABBA song. It’s as good as “Dancing Queen” … She gives him a half-hearted grin and says “Okay” and he says “Bye”, then turns to leave. Elevator doors open and a gurney is being led in by Crusty the Flight Nurse who was with Abby at the bus wreck in Scoop and Run, and who showed up with the Crash Family last ep. He says that he’s got an unrestrained passenger, prolonged extrication, blunt trauma to the chest as he wheels in a neck-braced, head-strapped woman who must be Rhade’s wife, Mary. Neela calls over to Abby, who heads over. Crusty tells her that Mary’s hypertensive, hypoxic with respiratory distress. Abby says to take her to Trauma Two. Neela wants updated vitals and Crusty says the BP’s 90 palp, pulse 120, 89% sat’s. Ray comes up and asks if this is “Mary Marcic” from the expressway crash, and Crusty says “yeah”. Neela says that Mary needs an airway as they crash into Trauma Green. Abby calls for a 7 ½ ET tube with a scope and a curved blade. Rhade looks over and sees that it’s his wife. She looks back at him and mouths “You okay?” and he nods that he is. Crusty calls out that the O2 sat is 86%, then goes into a fit of coughing. Abby orders a CBC, trauma panel, foley, chest, pelvis and c-spine films. She looks over worriedly at Crusty and asks how long he’s had that cough. He says cheekily, “Didn’t know you cared, Lockhart”, and Abby replies matter-of-factly, “I don’t … find me later and I’ll check it out”. Heading out the door, Crusty says “Have fun kids …”

Gloria is snapping pictures of Dusty in Exam Two as he’s being helped into a wheelchair. Sam comes in and tells them that the Medivan is right outside. Gloria thinks that’s great because Dusty is really anxious to get home. Sam thinks Dusty’s a fighter and Gloria tells her that the doctors gave him three weeks and it’s been three months. Sam adds that Dusty’s also quite a character, and Gloria agrees as she tousles his hair affectionately. She tells Sam that she just wants to make sure Dusty’s set up before she gets her stuff. Sam tells her that she’ll start packing up for her. Dusty shakes Sam’s hand and thanks her, and, showing that he must be worse off than we thought, adds, “It’s been a pleasure”. She smiles as he kisses the back of her hand and says “Till we meet again”.

Abby’s putting in a chest tube as Neela calls for a cordis introducer. Ray says that the spleen looks good. Blood starts gushing out of the chest tube, causing Abby to curse “Damn it!”, then yell “Where’s our blood?” Chuny tells her that the blood bank says it will take ten more minutes to cross match. Ray and Morris are looking at the ultrasound and Ray says there’s a hemopneumothorax on the left. Abby thinks that it’s not big enough to cause tamponade as Sam walks in and asks if they need her. Chuny says that the crit’s 32%. Neela calls for sterile sixes to her and Lovebite. Abby looks up at her and Lovebite asks Neela what she’s doing. Neela wants a second chest tube and ten blade. Abby protests “Neela …” and Ray asks Neela why she doesn’t give the first one a chance to work. Neela tells him that there isn’t time, and Abby bitches, “Well, we don’t have room!” Morris walks to the foot of the bed and shouts, “Hey! Hey! Wait!”, and they all stop and look at him. He says that “There are too many people in here and a full ER out there”. He tells Abby to go clear the Board. She starts to dissent, “Morris …”, but he cuts her off saying that Pratt’s shift is over and Luka’s at a meeting, so someone needs to push charts. Abby unhappily says “Fine” and walks out. Morris yells “Sam, find me a cell saver now, please!!” Sam rolls her eyes and heads into Trauma Yellow. An upset Rhade begs her to tell him what’s going on and how his wife is. Grabbing the cell saver from a drawer, Sam assures him that the doctors are doing everything they can. Rhade keeps asking if she’s going to be okay, and stops Sam by grabbing her shoulder as she’s about to rush out, and pleads, “Please! Please! She’s my whole life”. Sam pats his arm reassuringly and heads back into Trauma Green. Does the Egola backwards thing apply to any time they’re in even in the room? Because Rhade’s doing just fine and he’s in Trauma Yellow, while Mary ain’t looking to hot, and she’s in Trauma Green. Rhade calls out to Mary that he’s right there, it’s going to be okay and she needs to hold on. Morris tells Ray to set up the cell saver that Sam just brought in. Neela says that if this doesn’t work, they’re going to have to think about a thoracotomy. Morris is incredulous, “For blunt trauma???” and Lovebite tells her that survival is one in 400. Yikes. Shooting her dirty looks, Neela says that’s because they don’t usually do it until after they arrest. Neela instructs her to make the incision in the anterior auxiliary line. Chuny calls that the BP’s 65 and Neela says Mary could have a cardiac laceration, but Morris says that the scan showed minimal fluid in the pericardium. Lovebite’s got her fingers in a hole in Mary’s side. Lovely. Neela tells her to hold on to the clamp so that it doesn’t go in too far. Lovebite’s frustrated because she can find it with her finger but she can’t get the tube in. Neela tells her to extend the incision. Neela watches her but Lovebite’s not making any progress so Neela pushes her out of the way and says impatiently, “Like this … Let me show you”. Neela takes over and tries to get the tube in. Morris tells her to come on because Mary’s getting hard to bag. Neela gets the tube in and blood starts pouring out all over the floor causing Neela and Lovebite to jump back a bit. Neela tells Morris to get a thoraseal because Mary’s going to bleed out, but Morris says that she’s getting blood and tells Neela to do the thoracotomy in the OR. Chuny says Mary’s bradying down, and Neela insists to Morris that Mary will die before she gets there and that this is the only time they have. Morris tells her okay and that she made her case. Neela calls for a thoracotomy tray as we head to commercial.

Abby’s is fiddling with some bottles in the Drug Lockup as Luka appears at the door. He says “Hey” and she looks over and “hey” ‘ s him back, before turning back to the shelves. He looks at her like there’s something he wants to tell her as she asks him how his meeting was. He raises his eyebrows, blows out his lips, then looking down the hall like he’s making sure someone isn’t coming, scoffs, “Long … boring … unnecessary”. Abby chuckles and says “Sounds fun” as Luka looks off down the other direction. Seeing that the coast is clear, he heads into the lockup, as Abby turns to leave. They meet in the doorway and with a sort of jaunty gleam in his eye, he asks her in a hushed tone, “How would you feel about … eloping …?” Abby’s a little taken aback, “Eloping? What brought that on?”, as she grins at him. He looks around again, then sighs, and smiling blithely, tells her in a lowered voice that Morris knows that they’re getting married. Abby exhales disgustedly, then bitches, “You know, I bet Hope told him”. Luka’s all surprised, “Hope knows?” Abby murmurs, “mm hmm” as he snickers, “Wha-a-a …?” and she pushes him backward out the door. In the hallway, Luka holds up his left hand in a “how did she find out gesture?” and Abby walks past him down the hall. As they walk, Luka, standing a little behind, is trying to contain a grin. They continue speaking to each other in low tones. Abby frowns and says that Busy has “this bizarre wedding ESP”. Luka tells her that Morris suggested they get married in Vegas “with Celine Dion”, and looks down as he smiles. Abby chortles at this and tells him “Well, we need to shut them down …”, probably because she’s well aware of Luka’s craptastic CD collection and his partiality toward the preposterously puerile peculiarly peaky pop princess – so much so that he actually suggested naming their baby after her. Thank God MoJo’s arrival nixed that idea. I’m surprised Luka didn’t suggest Rene for a boy’s name … Abby adds, “… before they tell everybody”. Luka asks her how they do that. Grinning and with tongue planted firmly in cheek, she looks back at him and answers mischievously, “Beat them with a bag of oranges?” Luka chuckles at this and she goes on, “… Because I hear it doesn’t leave any marks?” Hee. Is that your way of telling him that you want to play Orange Picker and Her Human Juicer, Abby? … Bitch … Abby suggests, “Or we could just talk to them”, and Luka concedes that’s much better. Hee. Both keep grinning from ear to ear, obviously still so enjoying their “secret engagement” and not seeming really all that bothered, bruising Busy’s binder notwithstanding, by the fact that Morris and Busy know either. As they come to a hallway junction, both are still seriously smiling, Luka tilts his head as he leans over towards her to look her in the eye and says affectionately, “Bye”, which she returns before they head off in opposite directions, each continuing with the glowing grins. They really are adorable … Bitch …

We hear coughing as Abby rounds the corner. Crusty is sitting outside an Exam Room. He spots her and says “Hey, Lockhart”. She “hey” ‘s him back and he asks “Ready to play doctor?” Better watch it, Crusty. I’m sure Luka wouldn’t take too kindly to you cutting in on their game of Naughty Nurse and Her Human Stethoscope … Bitch … Abby checks her watch and says “Yeah”. She looks to see if the Exam Room is free, then tells him to come on in there. Crusty follows her in and she heads to the table beside the middle bed, telling him “Unzip your flight suit”. Crusty teases “Usually I get dinner first”, and Abby, putting on gloves and not even bothering to look at him, cuts him off, “Quiet, or I’ll give you a rectal, just for the hell of it”. Hee. Pulling down his suit, Crusty banters back bitchingly, “Nice bedside manner”. He sits down on the bed and Abby asks if he had gotten a flu shot and he says he did, then starts up with the coughing again. Abby starts listening to his chest as he, knowing the drill, takes deep breaths and blows them out. Abby tells him that he’s got good breath sounds, with a few crackles at the base. She asks him if he’s noticed any change in exercise tolerance and he says “Yeah, I get a little short of breath about halfway through a lap dance” as Abby sarcastically thanks him for the visual. Hee. She hands him the pulse ox monitor and he places it on his finger. Crusty tells her that he’s not one for complaining, but … then hesitates. Abby urges, “But what?” He explains that back in 2001, after the Twin Towers fell, he and a bunch of buddies jumped in his truck and drove straight through to New York and they “worked the pile” for a couple of weeks. Then, looking lost in thought, he adds sadly, “Not that we found anyone alive”. Abby wants to know if he thinks that’s what caused this. Crusty tells her that they kept working, breathing in pulverized concrete, glass, dust particles laced with benazine, dioxin, asbestos, lead … Damn … There was just an article in Esquire about a messenger bag that’s been sealed in plastic since shortly after September 11th and what forensic tests have revealed about what was in the cloud of dust that came up after the Towers collapsed, but the pollutants that filled the air weeks later while the rescue teams were working are just downright frightening. Abby watches him intently for a moment, then asks if they were wearing any protective gear, and he says they weren’t, continuing in a bitter tone, “According to the government and the EPA, we didn’t need any”. Yikes. Abby grins sardonically and comments, “Well, always reliable”. Crusty says that they’ve got a name for it – “Trade Center Cough”. He tells her resignedly that some of the guys he was with got it and that they’re sick with asthma, lymphoma, leukemia, and that one of them died in January. Abby takes this all in, then tells him sympathetically, “Sorry”. The pulse ox monitor beeps. Abby looks over at it and tells him that it’s okay, but it could be better. Crusty faces her and asks her earnestly, “If I have something … or if I’m going to get something … I want to know”. Abby nods and tells him that she’ll order a chest x-ray and some labs. Looking down worriedly, Crusty asks her to keep it just between them, and that even his wife doesn’t know, adding “And I don’t want to be grounded while I dick around trying to prove a scientific link”. Handing him a hospital gown, Abby agrees “Okay”, and tells him that she’s on until 8 o’clock and that they’ll probably have the results by then. She starts to head out and Crusty calls after her, “Hey, Lockhart …”. At the door, Abby turns around, and Crusty tells her sincerely, “I owe ya”. Abby, probably remembering how Crusty pretty much came to her rescue on Thanksgiving, just gives him a “sure you do” look before heading out.

Neela’s got Mary’s chest open in Trauma Green. Ray adjusts the overhead light to give her better illumination. Neela says that she can see the pericardium and asks Morris for scissors. Morris calls for two units FFP and Neela asks for 2-0 silk. She tells them that she can feel a defect as Dubenko bursts into the room. He asks what the story is and Lovebite starts rattling off that Mary has blunt trauma, flail chest, hypotensive despite fluid resuscitation and transfusion, then adds that they hooked up the cell saver to recycle the blood while she put in the second chest tube. This causes Neela to take her attention away from the open innards in front of her to shoot Lovebite a look of “the hell you did, bitch”, because, as she seems to have picked from McArrogant, it’s far more important to get credit than to actually worry about the crashing patient. Neela starts to say “There’s a small amount of fluid in the …”, and Lovebite jumps in “… pericardium, and I thought that maybe there was a ventricular laceration from a fractured rib, so we decided to do a thoracotomy” as Ray and Neela exchange a “She decided to do a thoracotomy???” look. Lovebite tells Dubenko that there was a defect in the ventricle, and now Neela is holding pressure on it. Dubenko’s all with the Lovebite love, and tells her “Excellent, Mae Lee”. Ray scoffs, “Wait a minute … that is not …”, but Dubenko’s not listening as he pushes his way between Ray and Neela and tells her that he’s got it from here. Neela, hand deep in Mary’s insides, is all “What???” Dubenko dismissively tells her that there are still a few surgical consults in the ER and why doesn’t she go see to them, as he strong-arms his way in, pushing Neela aside. He tells her that he’ll do the repair with Lovebite. Neela starts to protest, but Dubenko just stares here down and says pointedly, “I’ve got it, Neela”. Neela gives him an “I can’t believe you’re doing this” open-mouthed look before turning on her heel and storming out of the trauma room.

Sam is packing up Gloria’s stuff into a backpack. She looks over at the laptop screen where Gloria has uploaded a black & white shot of a somber looking Dusty. Sam starts to scroll through what are some very lovely and touching B&W photos of hospice patients and their families. She comes to one of a completely bald woman staring into the camera with a slight grin on her face. It’s Gloria. Sam stares at the picture, and Gloria, who’s standing at the door, watches her for a moment before saying, “Self-portrait”. Sam looks like she’s about to apologize for having snooped and come across something so personal, but then ends up not saying anything, because, really, what could she say? Gloria comes over and folds up the laptop. Since Sam already knows, Gloria explains as she puts the laptop away that she had ovarian cancer “the first time around”. Oh, man. Cancer? Oh my God! Now she’s gonna go bald and have to eat macrobiotic food … Sam’s struck by this and prods, “First?” Trying to keep it light, Gloria tells her, “But they say the third time’s a charm”. Yikes. Sam sadly shakes her head at this news and says, “I’m sorry”. Gloria responds, “Well, I’m pissed off and annoyed”. Sam asks if she’s in treatment now. Gloria says she has two more sessions and gives Sam a little smile as she goes on, “At least this time I didn’t lose my hair”. Sam tells her that she looks great. Gloria says that she feels fine, and that she felt fine when they first diagnosed her. She says breezily, “Who knew a few days bloating was Stage 4”. Damn, Gloria. That sucks. Sam takes this in and says sympathetically that unfortunately there’s no real reliable screening tool and Gloria corrects her, “Yet”. And now for this week’s moralizing and Public Service Announcement – Gloria exposits that it just needs money and research, and how it’s still the poor stepchild of the “Breast Cancer Publicity Machine” with all those pink ribbons. Sam doesn’t know what to say to this, probably because she’s afraid Gloria will find out that she and the other ladies of the ER did print ads and a TV spot for breast cancer last season, and Gloria asks her if she knows what color is associated with ovarian cancer. Sam doesn’t and Gloria pronounces, “Teal … I mean, what is that? It’s not blue, it’s not green …” Sam guesses that Gloria’s illness has something to do with her project. Gloria says that cancer was her “wakeup call” and it made her more passionate about living, doing the things that make her happy, and not worrying about the stupid stuff. Gloria reaches into her bag and pulls out a really nice SLR digital camera. She smiles and holds it out to Sam, saying, “Happy Birthday”. Sam and I are both all “What???”. She’s freakin’ just giving that to Sam??? Oh, don’t waste that on Sam, Gloria … I’ll be your new best friend … in exchange for the camera, of course … Just saying …Sam shakes her head “No … no, no … I can’t” like she couldn’t possibly accept that. Forget you then, bitch, and step aside, ‘cause I so can take that, Gloria. Gloria tells her that of course she can, and passes off the gift as “Companies give me free stuff all the time”. What??? They do??? Damn, I’m in the wrong business … Now, where the hell did I put that brochure for those photography classes? … Sam, looking like she totally wants that camera, but wants to make sure before she takes it, looks at Gloria and asks, “Really?” Gloria just smiles at her. Sam takes it, smiling, but again is speechless before finally finding her voice and thanks Gloria. Wow, Sam, guess you really have dropped out of Abby’s Etiquette school after all. Gloria tells Sam to use the camera, adding “It’s fun”. And yeah, it so is, Sam. Maybe now that you don’t have to worry about seeing the forest for the trees, you can actually snap some shots of animate objects for a change. Sam’s all excited about her new toy and Gloria tells her that it’s a “point & shoot”, then kids her, “Just remember to move your finger”. Sam and Gloria share a smile before Gloria heads out.

McEgo is treating some young twit with her tongue sticking out. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with her and she’s just drooling in the presence of his McNificence. Ugh. He tells her that’s an “odd place for a bee sting”. Tongue Twit tries to talk, totally tongue-tied. McEgo McTerminates any attempts at conversation by telling her that it’s “best not to talk”, since she can’t coherently properly praise McEgo’s McMastery. McEgo calls for a half cc of lido and eps, and Ross hands it to him. McEgo thinks that will make Tongue Twit’s tongue “nice and numb”. How much of a dose would I need to make my whole body nice and numb, and not just my brain like it is now, whenever you’re on screen, McEgo? McEgo tells her that she can “suck on some popsicles”, as I thank God he ended that sentence with a frozen treat. He instructs her that next time she goes jogging, she needs to make sure to keep her mouth closed, because breathing really isn’t important when you’re exercising. McMoron. McEgo asks Ross if he got all that and Ross says that he’ll write it up right now and add it to the rest of McEgo’s charts. McEgo asks how that’s going and Ross says that he’s all done, then lowering his voice, says that except there were several spelling errors. McEgo covers his McLearningDisability by telling Ross that it was just a test and McCongratulates him on doing so well. Frank hands McEgo the phone and bitches “I’m not your personal answering service”. At first I thought he said personal “escort” service, because it would make a lot of sense for McEgo to have to pay for his servicing, except from Neela, but that may be somewhat excusable as she’s been stricken by the McContagion and apparently has no control over her actions anymore. McEgo gets on the phone and says “No, there’s no Seymour Butts here … Hello, Sarah” and asks where she is as we see Deej enter the ER behind him. She walks up to the desk and he goes over to her, asking if her GrandDeejParents dropped her off and she tells him they said “Hi”, then shows him the cell phone they got her. He asks who’s going to pay for it, and she explains so he can’t McBitch about it that the GrandDeejParents are and that now they can keep in touch with her and it will be really good for emergencies. He stops her babbling saying that he’s “sold”. Really? What, like on eBay or something? Who’s the McIdiot who actually bid on him??? He tells her that they’re going to have to set up some rules and they head off down the hall. He asks if she had a good time and she says that GrandDeejDad let her “ride Beauty”, and McEgo thinks that “sounds like fun”. I hope to God “Beauty” is a horse and not the star of that Broadway musical, because even though you may end up being related, one McBeast is way more than enough, Deej. Deej tells him how they told her all sorts of stories about her mom, Meg, played by Paula Malcomson, aka Trixie from Deadwood, who was McEgo’s McFuckBuddy. Deej says that when Trixie was her age, she took GrandDeejDad’s car without asking. McEgo thinks that better not give Deej any ideas. He asks whether Deej thinks she might like to spend a little more time with the GrandDeejParents, and she says “Sure”. Then he asks if she might want to live with them. Nice, McSubtle. Deej says she doesn’t know, her school is here, so she can’t really do that. Then she says “my friends are here … you’re here …” That would be enough to make me want to move to Wisconsin, where the big story is when a cow wanders in to the town square, Deej. Deej asks “I mean, why would I want to do that?”, and McEgo McBlowsItOff that he was “just asking”.

From the hallway, Neela looks in Trauma Green at Dubenko. Ray calls out that Mary’s in v-fib. Morris tells Chuny to charge the internal paddles. Dubenko tells Lovebite to tie the suture while they’re preparing to defibrillate. Neela comes back into the room to watch. Lovebite’s having trouble and Dubenko again instructs her to “tie the knot”. Really, Lovebite? Maybe you can borrow Busy’s binder. Lovebite still can’t do it and Dubenko says a little more forcefully, “Mae Lee, tie the knot!” Lovebite looks like she’s panicking a bit as Chuny calls out that the paddles are charged and we see Rhade watching everything from his gurney in Trauma Yellow. Morris physically pushes Lovebite out of the way so that he can shock Mary, but there’s no response. Damn, Mary’s looking very bad … And very bloody … Yuck. Lovebite goes back to struggling with the suture and Dubenko once again orders her to tie it. Seeing that she’s getting nowhere, he rushes to the other side of the table and takes over, telling her to get out of his way as Neela looks on. Dubenko says that Mary could be hypocalcemic from massive transfusions as Rhade tearfully watches them frantically work on Mary. Morris says that she’s also hypoxic from the pulmonary bleed, and shocks Mary again. A stunned Lovebite just gawks at Mary. There’s still no pulse. Dubenko thinks Mary’s in crump failure from cardiac contusion as Neela watches him scrambling and heads into Trauma Yellow to talk to Rhade. Dubenko can’t stop the bleeding. Morris shocks her one more time, but still nothing. Dubenko looks sadly at Mary and, shaken, keeps telling them to stop it, there’s nothing more they can do, and “it’s over”, then tells Ray to call it. Ray calls the time of death as 13:25. Oh, Mary … Mary … where ya goin’ to??? Camera pans to Rhade, crying, while Neela stands at his bedside, glaring at Dubenko.

Dubenko heads out into the hallway and Neela quickly follows. She starts in on him that repair of a cardiac laceration is way beyond a fourth year med student. Dubenko keeps walking and claims that he did the repair and Lovebite only put in one stitch. Neela bitches that she was already there and was in much better position to assist him. Getting to the elevators, Dubenko tells her that she’s going to have to learn to “share the sandbox” because Lovebite is only there for four weeks, but Neela’s got four more years and says that she’ll get another chance. Neela confronts him that this isn’t about the procedure and asks if he has a problem with her. He scoffs, “Do I have a problem with you?” He goes into telling her that she’s a very talented surgeon but that maybe “I’ve let our … personal friendship … get in the way of our professional relationship”. Oh no. Dubenko really is all into her. Last year he’s making indecent proposals to Abby, this year, he’s after Neela. Who’s next … Sam? And that is so not a suggestion, ER. ‘Cause I’m so not up for the Samenko ship. And I guess Neela is the new Abby, what with all the guys being after her and her getting into geometrically shaped lovelife tangles, and all. I suppose they did need a new object of every man’s desire now that Abby’s pretty much the sole object of THE man’s desire … Bitch … Neela has no idea what he means. Dubenko can’t even really look at her as he starts, “I’m the Chief and you’re an Intern … that’s it”. Dubenko stammers that maybe he’s sent off mixed signals. Neela thinks it’s very clear that Dubenko is angry with her but she doesn’t understand why and asks if this is about the thing with Manish. Dubenko insists that he isn’t angry with her and this is not about Manish, he just thinks it’s time that “we reset our dynamic”. Pissed, Neela asks him if he’s going to “reset” that dead woman in there or “reset” her grieving husband. Dubenko thinks that you can’t take it personally when a surgery doesn’t go well, then getting all emotional, blurts out “Just as I can’t make surgical decisions based on my personal feelings towards you!” Wow. Neela’s totally floored and just stares at him. Dubenko, upset with himself for letting that out, looks away for a minute, before finally finding his voice and telling Neela that they both know that Mary didn’t die because Lovebite was in there and she wasn’t, but that Mary’s injuries were far too great and “nothing on this earth” could have saved her. Just then, Dubenko’s saved by the bell as the elevator dings and the door opens. He gets on and throws one last forlorn look at Neela before the doors close, leaving her standing there, still in shock.

Crusty and Abby are exiting into the Ambulance Bay. She looks like she’s ready to leave for the night and she’s carrying what seems to be Crusty’s films. He asks her “Give it to me straight”. Abby tells him that his blood work was normal and his chest x-rays were clear. She says that there is some evidence of sinusitis, and hands him the films along with his lab work and a prescription for Azythromicin and Pulmacort, saying that it’s an inhaler and it should help. Crusty stops and asks her, “So … I’m okay for now?” and she says that it looks like it. He looks away, conflicted. Abby notices his expression and tells him that this is a good thing. Crusty looks like he’s feeling guilty as he says that there were lots of other people who worked at Ground Zero and in the landfills and asks rhetorically, “How many of them are walking time bombs?” Abby shrugs and says in a tone that implies that she so wishes old adages like this really weren’t proven true, “ ‘No good deed goes unpunished’, I guess”. Crusty thinks that “Maybe next time we’ll be smarter”. Turning away, Abby tells him purposely, “Maybe now you’ll tell your wife”. Crusty comes back, “What, and give her more ammo to nag me about?” Chuckling, he says after her, “Goodnight, Lockhart” and she calls over her shoulder as she rounds the corner towards the El steps, “Goodnight”.

Rhade is with Mary, stroking her bloodied hair and crying. Ray tells him that someone from Social Work will be down to help him with arrangements. Neela asks if there’s anyone they can call, but Rhade tells her that it was just the two of them. Smiling fondly, he says “We liked it like that”. He tells them how he and Mary never seemed to run out of things to say even on long stretches of road that seemed to go on for days. Neela thinks that must be nice to spend that amount of time with the person you love. Hearing this, Ray, who is standing beside her, looks over at her. Never looking away from his wife, Rhade smiles and says that Mary was the reins behind everything, did all the paperwork, paid the bills, read the road maps. He turns to Neela and Ray and says that he can’t even tell them how many times Mary kept them from getting lost. He says that today was going to be different, though. Ray asks “Different?” Still stroking Mary’s head, Rhade, tears falling down his cheeks, says that the rain makes Mary sleepy, so he told her to take a nap, and that he was sure he knew what exit to take. Rhade says “But the sign … wasn’t the sign … I got confused … I didn’t want to wake her up … I wanted to do it myself”. Neela and Ray look at him quizzically and she asks “Do what?” Crying harder now, Rhade answers, “Read”. Oh, man. He says that he wanted to read the damn exit sign. Ray, a little slow on the uptake, asks “Derek, you don’t know how to read?” and Rhade sadly shakes his head. He says that Mary was trying to teach him. Neela asks, “You graduated high school and went to college?” Rhade shrugs and says that they just passed him along and that nobody cared as long as he could read the defense and get the ball in the end zone. Damn. Why couldn’t I have played football? Rhade says that the coaches told him that he was going to get drafted in the first round, and he wasn’t prepared for it not to work out. He starts sobbing and whispering to Mary, “I’m sorry … I just wanted to make you proud”. Oh, this is heartbreaking. Rhade needs a hug. Ray and Neela look down sadly as Rhade weeps.

McEgo and Deej are finishing up dinner. Where’s McEgo’s dad, McHammer, played by Stacy Keach, who was staying with them in the last ep? Weird … Deej says that she’ll do the dishes after she does her homework, but McEgo wants to talk to her. He says that he’s been trying to figure out a way to tell her this and if he should tell her this and she asks “What?” He says that the night Trixie died, she told him that he’s Deej’s father. Deej looks at him doubtfully and says that her dad’s name was “Keith” and that he died. McEgo McAdmits that was what everybody thought, but there’s a McChance that isn’t McTrue. Deej wants to know why Trixie wouldn’t have told her. McEgo doesn’t McKnow but thinks that Trixie must have had her McReasons. Yeah, like not wanting to tell you about your McParentage because of the high McProbability of McMutated genes, Deej. Deej wants to know if he’s her dad or not. McEgo tells her that they can take a McPaternity test and they can take it tonight if she McWants. Deej really doesn’t want to deal with this, stands up and bitches at him, “Why are you doing this now?” and asks if it’s just because she doesn’t want to go live with the GrandDeejParents. She thinks McEgo is trying to get McRid of her. He tells her that he wants what’s best for her. Well, if that were true, McEgo, you’d have already started her on the postexposure prophylaxis for the McRabies. Deej brats, “No, you’re lying!!!” She thinks he’s lying to her, lying “just like mom … she always lied”, then stomps off to her room. He calls out to her, “Sarah …”, but she’s done with this and shouts the most intelligent words she’s uttered since she’s been on this show, “I don’t want you to be my dad!!!”, then tells him that she’s not taking his test, and slams the door.

Abby is sitting at a table at Ike’s as Luka, carrying a beer, puts a drink down in front of her. Playing with the straw in her club soda, Abby tells him that Morris “might have something”. Oh no. Has he been sleeping with McRabid, too? Leaning on his elbows next to her on the table, his right hand perched on his beer, Luka just looks at her, waiting to be enlightened. Abby says that maybe they should get married someplace “exotic”, then grins at him. Luka asks her, “Like where?” She shrugs, raising her eyebrows, pressing her lips together and looking away with a “gee, I don’t know” expression, then looking down as she continues to play with her drink, she proposes, “The beach?” What, so you can play Drowning Victim and Her Luscious Lifeguard, Abby? … Bitch … Next she says, “Or the mountains?” Oh, so then it can be Mountain Climber and Her Pike’s Peak? … Bitch … Letting go of her straw, and crossing her arms, she looks at him, smiles, and says, “Why don’- … We could go to Croatia”. Wow, really, Abby? That’s actually nice that she’s suggesting go to his homeland for them to exchange their vows. Very sweet. Luka raises his eyebrows and pulls his head back, surprised at her offer. Sounding like he might like that idea, he grins as he asks her, “Really?” She grins back, giving him a “sure, why not?” shrug. He says, “No one from work would be able to be there”. Abby shrugs again with a “yeah, so?” expression then looks over towards the bar as we hear Busy shouting excitedly, “Do it! Do it! One, two, three, Go!” Luka follows Abby’s gaze. They spot Morris, with his hands behind his back, bobbing for tequila shots while Busy cheers him on. He downs one, she takes the glass out of his mouth and replaces it with a lime, which he sucks on, then pulls back, puts his fists in the air triumphantly, letting out a victory growl. Abby turns to Luka, gestures with her right hand towards Morris and Busy and says, “Would that be so bad?” Hee. Abby gives him a wry grin and Luka puts his right hand to his head, covering his eyes like “Oy vey”. Hee. He moves his hand down to his mouth and looks at her, then gestures his head towards Busy and Morris and they grab their drinks and head over. Luka tells Busy and Morris that they need to talk to them. Morris is sort of nervous, and is like “Who, us?” Luka’s looking really thin this ep, more so than he did even last week. Is Goran Visnjic losing weight? Not that he looks bad or anything … Yum … And not that he needs to, either. Just not too much please, Goran … I like when there’s more of you to love … Just saying … Luka starts to say, “Look … listen”, then looks over at Abby, who grins at him with a “yeah, go on” look. Luka continues, “Abby and I really appreciate your interest in our engagement …” Busy can’t contain herself as she gleefully starts clapping and chirps, “It’s so exciting! A wedding!”, before Abby quickly and effectively silences her, “Hope!!!” Hee. Luka looks around to make sure no one heard Busy’s outburst. Smile fading, Busy says, “Sorry”. Abby, trying to be diplomatic, says, “And while your planning is very thoughtful …”, scratches her head like she’s trying to think of exactly how to tell them, then just goes for the direct approach, “… It’s borderline obsessive”. Hee. Morris says that they just want to help. Abby tells him, “Well, next time … just … don’t help”. Hee. Then she adds, gesturing with her hands to make the point, “And don’t blab … to anybody … Not us … just … no one”. Looking a little disappointed, Morris tells them “Okay … I mean, if that’s what you want …” Luka and Abby nod and say emphatically in unison, “We do”. Hee.

Chuny walks in with Sam and announces, “Hey, everybody … Look who’s here!” Everyone starts cheering and clapping, and Luka raises his beer to her. Sam, who looks a bit overwhelmed by everyone being there, smiles broadly at all this attention. Busy hands her a beer and wants everyone to have a toast. As everyone raises their glasses, Busy says, “To Sam … Happy Birthday and many more”, as they all cheer and chink their glasses together.

Neela and Ray are at the jukebox. He watches while she makes her selection and says “B10”. Then, apparently not impressed with her choice, says, “You didn’t actually mean to put on ‘Get Down Tonight’, did you?” Neela claims that she likes KC & the Sunshine Band. Well, of course, she does. She actually thought Sergio Mendes makes good listening earlier this season … though she was drunk so perhaps I can let that slide … though it still doesn’t excuse why she liplocked with the Roadkill in that ep. Ewww … And she married Plank, who was unhealthily obsessed with Barry Manilow. Maybe Neela should be the one marrying Luka – then they can combine their CD collections, making a completely fantastic craptastic one. And while Copacabana may have worked as an aphrodisiac for Abby, I’m still holding out hope that she can mold Luka’s musical tastes into something a little less nauseating than Easy Listening. She was off to a good start with using The Clash as MoJo’s lullaby. Neela protests that her getting her boogie shoes on is a hell of a lot better than the choice Ray made. He comes back at her that “Woman” by Wolfmother is destined to be a classic. Neela asks “On what planet?” They both look away, suddenly shy. Ray looks around a little, then chuckles as he asks her, “Now, I know we’re pretending to be normal, and that we’re pretending that this isn’t awkward, but … uh … It’s kind of awkward, isn’t it?” Nodding her head and grinning, Neela agrees “Yeah … kinda …” Laughing a little mirthlessly, Ray wants to know if they’re going to say that “this” never happened. Looking like she’s trying to get a handle on everything, Neela knows that they should probably talk about “this”, but these days she just feels like her “head is going to explode”. Well, mine does every time I see you with McRepulsive, Neela. Ugh. She tells Ray that there’s just a lot of stuff going on. Ray nods and says knowingly, “Gates”. Neela tells him that she’s trying to figure it out, then stammers, “I – I want to figure it out … It’s just … I just need some … time?” Ray says that he’s been there once before and “it didn’t turn out so good for me”. Neela holds his look then promises, “Well, you won’t have to wait long … Okay?” Ray rolls his eyes jokingly and says “Okay” and they smile at each other as the jukebox moves to the next selection. As the opening beats to “Get Down Tonight” start up, Neela is all excitedly “Oh, yes! B10!!!” and drags Ray out onto the dance floor. Ray protests, “Somebody make it stop!” Hee. Neela calls over to Sam, who’s sitting at a table with Frank, Ross, Chuny, Abby and Luka, with Morris and Busy standing next to it, “Sam! Come and dance with us!” Ray pleads, “Please?!?” Sam laughs and gives the old “oh, okay, twist my arm” response, “Aaah … Alright”. As she gets up to go join them, her cell phone starts ringing. She sees who is calling and tells Neela and Ray that she’ll be right back, then makes a beeline for the door, answering the phone. She tells the caller to hold on because she can barely hear and tells them not to hang up as she heads out onto the sidewalk. It’s Splinter. Sam tells him that she’s so glad he called, and she really does sound it. She tells him that she was worried. She says that yes, it is her birthday, then thanks him when he obviously wishes her a happy one. She asks him if he’s okay.

McEgo is McSitting in the McKitchen, feeling all sorry for himself. Deej comes out of her room and asks if the test says that he’s her dad, can she stay with him? He tells her “Absolutely”. As he gets the test from the counter, she asks if it’s going to hurt. He tells her no, all they need to do is get a swab from one cheek, and I am so hoping he’s talking about the inside of the mouth and not another “cheek”. Ewww. He says that they then send it to the lab and they’ll get the results in the mail. Deej wants to know if “That’s it?” and he says it is. She asks, “And until then?” McEgo McPromises that nothing changes. They each take their long McQ-tip thingies and stick them into their McMouths.

Sam, smiling, tells Splinter that of course she’s coming up this weekend. She starts to ask him, “What if I brought you …?”, but Splinter’s time is up and he has to go. Listening then looking touched, Sam says “I miss you, too”. She thanks him for calling then says “I love you, too, baby”. Sam tells him goodbye, then hangs up, looking as if a big weight has been lifted from her shoulders and I can finally hear the song that’s playing in the bar, The Killers “Read My Mind” … Awesome …

Oh, well, I don’t mind if you don’t mind … Back in the bar, Busy and Chuny are facing each other, smiling and jumping up and down in some sort of semblance of dancing, as Ray watches their bouncing appreciatively. Hee. … ‘Cause I don’t shine if you don’t shine … Camera pans to show Luka and Abby behind them, dancing, her arms around his neck and his at her waist … Bitch .. Luka’s saying something to her … I’m not a lip-reader, but I think he may be saying “I’m too sexy for my shirt”, which of course Abby would have to answer, because it is the only way to respond, “So sexy it hurts” … Bitch … Actually, it looks like he’s singing to her … Aww, that’s so sweet … Bitch … Before you go … They’re completely focused on each other, Luka shrugging and grinning incredibly cutely as he looks at her … Tell me what you find … He pulls her closer, his cheek against hers as she has her hands intertwined on his back, and she’s totally beaming against his shoulder … Yeah, I bet I can read your mind, Abby ... Bitch ... Though they really are just adorable … And so obviously happy …

… When you read my mind … Frank is incredulous as he asks Ross, “So you already have a law degree, and now you’re going to medical school?” Ross thinks corporate law wasn’t for him because it wasn’t helping anyone, then adds, “Besides, I need to be where the action is”. What, not enough action for you with the dinosaur bones, Ross? Frank and Morris share a look of “you so don’t know what you’re in for, buddy”. Sam comes in, all happy now from having found out that her Splinter extraction isn’t infected after all. Taking off her coat, she tells them “C’mon you jokers, get out on the dance floor!” Frank’s all “no chance”. Sam tells him, “C’mon, Frank, you know you want to”, then grabs Ross’ hand and drags him from the table and they head over to where everyone’s bopping around.

Slippin’ in my faith … Luka and Abby still have their hands on each other as the sway to the beat … Bitch … Sam moves to the center of the group with Chuny and Busy … Until I fall … Frank and Morris sit at the table, watching everyone. You never returned that call … Morris picks up Sam’s new free camera that really should be mine … and Frank says “It’s times like these … Woman, open the door … I see all these young people together” … Don’t let it sting … Camera moves back to the gang on the dance floor, going crazy … I wanna breathe that fire again Luka, no longer dancing with Abby but on his own, has this hilarious look on his face, with his mouth wide open, head thrown back, wagging it back and forth as he moves from side to side … Hee … Abby, Chuny, Busy and Sam all have their arms in the air, as Ray, rocking with his beer, is totally getting a kick out of watching Luka … Hee … She said I don’t mind … Frank continues, “Makes me fear for the future of mankind” … Hee … If you don’t mind … Morris, not paying any attention to Frank, starts snapping pictures … ‘Cause I don’t shine if you don’t shine … Sam is totally getting into it, having a great time … Put your back on me … And I totally just now remember that this song is from a CD called “Sam’s Town” with a picture of a totally white trashy pseudo beauty contestant in a bikini in front of a trailer …and a goat … I wonder if it’s just like the one who ate Sam’s pigtails? … Put your back on me … And as we fade to black, I can’t even tell you how much I am loving ER for making that whole trailer park connection … Put your back on me


At 4:35 PM, May 03, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

happy wedding day cranky :) hope u enjoy the show! thanks for providing us with some more recap joy!

At 8:14 AM, May 04, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

barely finish reading your previous recap and the new one is already up !!!
you're truly amazing!!!
will have a lovely weekend with some awesome reading to do ...

At 5:07 PM, May 04, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Niiiiice...Cranky. Keep cranking them out 'cause I can't WAIT to read your take on the wedding epi!!


At 10:29 AM, May 06, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that was so quick and so hilarious as usual, you are fab!!


At 11:22 PM, May 06, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LOVED IT! Great job Cranky!

At 4:56 AM, May 07, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I so wish I could see you when you're in front of your gigantic tv watching the new epi ...
must be as delightful as reading your recaps!
(watch out I may be that damn fly circling overhead)

At 5:00 PM, May 08, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome recap! Thanks so much for doing these. The hour that it takes to read each installment is so enjoyable!

At 11:00 PM, May 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another great recap! I so can't wait to read your recap of "I Don't"...

At 7:08 PM, May 15, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for another great recap.

At 4:01 AM, May 20, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope you recovered from seing all that lusciously delicious Luka nakedness not so long ago.

a dear fan of your incredibly funny and witty prose!

At 9:55 AM, May 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Cranky, can't wait for your new masterpiece, you're just so talented and funny !!!!!!!!

At 2:16 PM, May 25, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Cranky,

Nice recap as always, I can't wait for your next recaps, there are so delightful to read...

I hope you finish until June 6th, cause I have a road trip with the whole class of my daughter, the teacher asked me to go with them and other father, only 3 adults with 30 monsters, can you imagine????

Anyway, as I should be awake the whole night because these critters, I need some quality reading, so I'm gonna print all your recaps of Season 13, hope you recap "I Don't" eppy by that time... If not, that's ok I think my cellphone can access to internet in the mountains....lol

Good job Cranky!!!!

Viviana B. Soto
Lima, Peru, Southamerica

At 2:17 PM, May 25, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot, I'm also waiting for the recap of "Lights Out" because in that eppy Morris intend to suspend Abby in front of the prettier!!!!!

Can't wait to read your recap in that part Cranky!!!!!

Viviana B. Soto
Lima, Peru, Southamerica

At 10:05 PM, June 04, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can keep silent no longer...I'm here to desperately beg on bended knee for a taste of your crankyness. (sound pathetic? yes, yes it is, but I learned from the best.)

At 10:36 AM, June 07, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

no pleading, no begging for your new recaps ...
just hoping you're doing fine!


At 7:51 AM, June 15, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, Cranky!
Eagerly awaiting next recap. You write so well and so funny.
Just a little comment on what you wrote about the Bacic guy in 13-18: he is really no contest to The Pretty, not even close.... That's what I think anyway.

At 7:28 PM, June 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I miss your recaps!! :( They're so good.

At 9:39 AM, June 24, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going through re-cap withdrawl... pleeeeease... :)

Hey, did you notice the new ER cast announcement for S14 still includes Goran? :D /*cheer you up so you'll writ more recaps --shameless bribe*

At 2:18 PM, June 27, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We miss you Cranky! Hope you're doing great and we'll continue to wait patiently for the next recap! :D

At 10:46 PM, June 27, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome review...I wonder if you have any comments about John Stamos' Australian interviews. I just might die laughing. Make it a special "talk show" recap. After all, it has to do with ER :)

At 11:38 AM, June 28, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Cranky,

I've got your message in TV.com, I know you wrote me in April 18th, I'm so sorry I've just found out.

Anyways, I answered and because I had more information about the subject I've sent you the message in parts because the forum has its limitations.

If you want to contact me for more info just drop me a message at vivianalockhart@yahoo.com

Keep writing my friend!!! I NEED your recaps!!!!

Viviana B. Soto
Lima-Peru (Southamerica)

At 2:35 AM, July 06, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my patience has no end when it comes to your prose!
have a lovely day

At 3:45 PM, July 15, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Cranky!
I just LOOOOVE your recaps and I hope you haven't stop writing them! I don't care when the next update is coming as long it's coming at some point!

Thank you for these awesome recaps...they really save my day (no, my week!)Keep up the fantastic work!

At 6:40 PM, August 08, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Cranky,

I'm very worried about you... are you OK?

I miss you girl... and your recaps...


At 5:04 PM, August 14, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

something's missing to have a great summer and it's your recaps!

hope you're doing fine!


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