ER 13.7 Jigsaw
Previously on ER: Weaver is bringing in a patient on a gurney as a Tina Turner-esque TV reporter is asking her if she is a proponent of a national health plan and Weaver bitches that if we had one, this patient would be home playing with his kids instead of fighting for his life and a totally all-impressed Tina smiles after her, telling Morris “That was gold”; Chief Surgical Resident Crenshaw, aka Moby for his bald head, gripes that he wants Abby and Intern Tony Gates (aka John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House but because he’s definitely not Dreamy or Steamy though his media quotes make it clear he thinks he is, he is now better known to me as McEgo), out of his OR and tells OR Shirley to call Security; Abby and The Ego turn to leave and as Moby calls for a bovie, the patient on the table goes up in flames, and Neela’s med student Katie, who looks like Phoebe Cates from Fast Times at Ridgemont High catches on fire as well; McEgo asks Neela if she wants to “hook up” and all flustered she repeats it, so he explains that it’s so they can prepare for the M&M and he thought he give her a head’s up before he “kicked her ass”; Out with the ER Girls at Ike’s, Neela calls McEgo and his live-in, Meg, aka Trixie the Whore from Deadwood, answers and says that he’s busy; Pratt grumbles to the old guys at the barbershop “Nobody here goes to the doctor?”; Curtis Ames, aka Forest Whitaker, who played Charlie Parker in Bird, sadly tells Luka that he just doesn’t know “how to fix this” as a an acutely affected, and abundantly attractive, Luka doesn’t know how to answer.
El Train’s a-coming. Camera pans down to show Luka walking down the stairs, holding the railing with his left hand and carrying a baby stroller in his right. His son, Mongo Joe Kovac, aka MoJo, wearing a brown cap, is strapped to his front in the Baby Bjorn carrier. Awww. How cute. And I am so with you on the “being strapped to Luka” thing MoJo. I’m liking that Abby obviously paid no heed to the painfully poisonous patronizing parents in the Mommy & Me class she tried to attend in Parenthood who contemptuously condemned choosing Crotch Captor Carriers, superiorly supporting schlepping sucklings via Sling. Luka has the backpack diaper bag on as well. Chuny and Malik hurry down the steps behind him, trying to catch up, and Malik yells “Yo, Dr. K!” Luka says “Hey-ey! What’s up guys?” as Chuny starts fussing over MoJo, and saying how cute he is. Well, duh, Chuny … He’s a Kovac for God’s sake! Considering who sired him, how could he be anything but? Smiling like a proud papa, Luka tells her “Don’t let the good looks fool you, he’s a tough one”. Chuny says “Take’s after his mom, huh?”, as Luka raises his eyebrows at her, and Malik adds, “Ain’t that the truth”. Hee. Good thing you’re a boy, MoJo, so that they’re calling you “a tough one” rather than a “bitch”. Malik offers to give Luka a hand and takes the stroller from him, and Luka thanks him, as Chuny continues to make goo-goo eyes at MoJo. Luka tells them that the babysitter couldn’t make it again, and they finally decided to hire a nanny, as he raises his hand to touch MoJo’s head protectively. Awww. And I’m not surprised “Miriam” didn’t work out, Luka, considering the fact that she apparently didn’t really realize what all the job entailed, nor that the Day Spa on the premises was off-limits, as it has an exclusive clientele consisting solely of Abby the Hairdresser and her Shampoo Boy … Bitch … And the situation must be pretty bad, or else the Shampoo Boy must have done some seriously savorous spritzing, to convince Abby after her encounter with the Brazen Bimbo Babysitter Bunch in the park to permit the possibility of a nympho nanny jeopardizing the sanctity of the Salon … Bitch … As they walk towards the hospital, Chuny claims that her mom raised eight kids by herself and she doesn’t know how she did it. Luka grins and asks her “Is she available?” Hee. And I’m really hoping you’re asking for her domestic capacity and not for any satyric tenacity, Luka. ‘Cause though supposedly all men want their nannies, I’m thinking Mrs. Chuny must be pretty up there and much more hoary than horny. Luka is supporting MoJo with two hands under the baby butt, and I’ve never so wished to regress to infancy before …
Pratt and McEgo are walking into the
Weaver and Hope the Intern, played by Busy Phillips, who was Kelly on Freaks and Geeks, are treating a leg wound on a bearded guy in the Curtain Area as Dawn, the new nurse, is assisting. Tina comes over to Weaver and introduces herself “Excuse me, Dr. Weaver? I’m Courtney Brown from Channel 5” and asks if she has a minute. Weaver blows her off “Not really”. Tina tells her that the station loved her and they’ve given the green-light to do some more, as Weaver scowls pleased but doubting. Dawn thinks that sounds great as a smiling Weaver says that she doesn’t think so and that she’s an ER doc, not a TV personality. Tina tells her that’s exactly what they’re looking for, someone real. Busy assures Weaver that she’d be really great and that the piece she did was really good. Weaver tells Busy to take over and that Dawn will help her as she grins slightly at Tina and starts to walk away. Walking with her, Tina starts to tell her that it wouldn’t require much of her time, just a few hours a week as Sam comes up to get Weaver, handing her a chart and updating her on a patient, and Frank calls over that she has Radiology on the phone. Weaver excuses herself that she has to take this, and Tina tells her that she understands that Weaver’s swamped and she’ll “buzz her later”.
We see MoJo sitting on the Admit Desk with Chuny still fawning over him and Morris getting in on the action as Proud Papa Luka leans on the desk and smiles. MoJo has on white and blue sneakers and is wearing a sweater in the same brown as his knit cap with a wide stripe around the middle in Luka Blue II that has a white and brown spotted dog on it, then a Luke Blue, the Original stripe underneath. Morris is playing with him, holding his stethoscope over MoJo’s chest. Chuny is saying that she thinks MoJo has Abby’s eyes, Morris chimes in “Yeah, and his dad’s head” as Luka stops smiling and stares over at him. Malik nods and says “yeah”, looking over at Luka, who’s furrowing his brow as he looks incredulously at Morris and slightly shakes his head. Morris backpedals “What? He’ll grow into it”. Normally, I would be all over you for daring to disparage The Pretty, Morris, but I do have to admit that he does have a rather large noggin … though it is completely in proportion with everything else on him, which is decidedly … large … Just saying … And this MoJo is absolutely adorable with his dark eyes and chubby cheeks, and looking very un-preemie like. We hear the doors buzz and Luka looks up. We see Bird enter through the doors, carrying a bunch of papers and files, looking down the hall and not over at the desk. Distracted by what he sees from giving Morris the smackdown, Luka asks Chuny and Morris if they can keep an eye on a cutely cooing MoJo for a minute and when they say they “yeah”, he hurries to catch up with Bird.
Bird is walking down the hallway towards the elevators when Luka calls out to him “Mr. Ames?” Bird turns and spots him, quietly saying “Luka” before continuing. Luka is still being formal here and Bird is addressing him by his first name as a humanizing and equalizing thing, much like he did when he indicated to Luka that he’s “Curtis” last week in Heart of the Matter. Confused as to why Bird is there, Luka follows him, asking if he can help him with something. And Luka’s Mood Ring, aka “shirt color”, is back to being in one of his signature shades, yummy Luka Blue II, indicating he’s on an upswing after his foray last week into the grey’s. MoJo is color coordinating with Luka also, as it seems that he must with at least one of his parents whenever he makes an appearance on this show. Last time it was with Abby in the green color palette in Ames vs. Kovac, this ep it’s Luka’s turn. Bird answers earnestly “No … no … Got a meeting with Angela Gilliam upstairs” as he presses the elevator button. Luka doesn’t get it so Bird fills him in “On my appeal”. Luka looks taken aback and Bird asks him if Iman told him, and Luka admits that she didn’t and looks down, not sure what to make of it. Bird nods, seeming a little self-satisfied at this, then indicates the stack he’s carrying and says that he’s got his hospital files, as we see workmen working on the other elevator behind them. Luka unnecessarily asks “You’re appealing the case?” Oh, Luka … I think he just told you that, sweetie … Clearly completely cute, conjointly consistently clueless … That’s our lovable Luka … Bird replies like he’s sure of something “Only if I have to”. He self-righteously tells Luka that a settlement would save the hospital a lot of time and money. Luka sincerely states that this hasn’t been easy on any of them, “… Least of all, you” then starts to add something “… But …”. Smiling slightly, Bird asks “But what?” Chewing a little on his bottom lip before continuing, Luka tells him that he thinks that maybe it’s time to move on, “… Put the past behind you”. Like he knows something Luka doesn’t, as if he’s already certain of the outcome of the meeting with Iman, Bird smiles and shakes his head, saying, “I couldn’t agree more”. Luka looks a little uncertain. Bird nods a bit smugly, and looks towards the still-hasn’t-appeared-yet elevator doors. Apparently finished with speaking to Luka, Bird informs him “I’m going to hop up the stairs”, before subtly dismissing him “I’ll see you around”, leaving Luka to process all this before turning around to watch Bird’s ascent. Luka grits his teeth and looks off, as I watch his pensive profoundly pretty perfect profile and sigh, and we go to funky opening montage …
After commercial, we’re in the overly crowded Waiting Room with a crazy old guy scratching his beard when in walks a totally nerdified Shawn Hatosy, who played Mitch in the Denzel Washington movie John Q. Mitch is wearing Junior High Science Teacher-esque black rimmed glasses, a ratty maroon and white baseball cap, and a curious expression as he looks around at all the freaks in Chairs. He nervously wipes his nose with the back of his hand as the obligatory screaming baby cries, crazy guy mumbles, and the rest of the freaks do whatever it is they are doing while waiting to be treated for whatever trivial thing ails them, which I already don’t care about. Not a good sign. Get me back to The Pretty and away from the petty. Mitch spots a bushy-haired kid sitting on the floor, playing with cars. Mitch sits down next to him and softly and kind of creepily asks if those are Hot Wheels. Bushy asks if he wants one, which Mitch does, so Bushy shoots one over to him.. Mitch is all happy as he spins the wheels of the toy car. A woman sitting in the chair next to Bushy, who must be Bushy’s mom, is flipping through a magazine then looks up and spots Mitch, who’s talking to Bushy and playing with the cars. Not too thrilled about Mitch being so close to her son, Bushy Mom tells Bushy to get up off the floor. Bushy protests, but Bushy Mom insists, pulling him over to the chair and ripping the car out of Mitch’s hand. Just then, paramedics bring in a screaming guy who’s stumps are all bandaged, where his hands used to be. Yikes! That sucks, Stumpy. Though there’s no blood on those bandages and I’d think you’d be bleeding pretty badly if your hands were just chopped off. Paramedics push past Mitch, who’s in the way, and bump him with the gurney. He watches them go through the doors with the still screaming Stumpy. Crazy Old Guy starts crazy talking to Mitch. As Crazy Old Guy walks away, Mitch takes off his glasses, his whole demeanor changing from the sort of wide-eyed bewilderment he came in with to having more of a hard edge as he sneers at Crazy Old Guy. He sniffs the air in the Waiting Room, looking a little disgusted as he checks out all the mutants. He stomps over to the window at Triage, where Dawn is, and starts banging angrily on the window, yelling about how many people are waiting and whether they have any doctors actually working there, screaming “What is it? Golf day?” Dawn tells him “Sir, please sit down” and he growls back at her “Don’t sir me, bitch! Just let me see a damn doctor!” Dawn gives him a “Oh no, you di-int just call me that” and tells him to calm down or she’ll call Security. Mitch gets all challenging and shouting for her to go ahead and call them. Sam comes over, yelling at him “Hey!” and banging loudly against the filing cabinet to get his attention. A little more quietly he asks “What?” and she bitches at him to calm down and he’s not the only patient there. Mitch grumbles that he can see that and Sam nastily asks him if he signed in, and he grouches “Signed in what? All I got’s a little congestion!” He starts yelling again “Do you think you morons can handle that?” Sam holds up the Triage clipboard and he just looks at her. She orders him to fill it out, and he hesitates then grabs it. Sam tells him to sit down and shut up and she’ll bring him back there in a few minutes, as he gripes that he’s just got the flu and I gripe that this storyline is already annoying me.
Abby comes striding up to Admit, apologizing in advance for the smell in the Breakroom, cringing as she explains it’s because Luka changed MoJo’s diaper in there. Hee. And … Awww … Luka changes shitty diapers, too? He really is perfect. But yuck on you for doing it where people eat, Luka, ‘cause that’s just gross. And though I’m so with you for getting out of it and making your man do the heavy-duty diaper changing, I’m still going to have to “Bitch” you, Abby, for getting poo on The Pretty … Bitch … And Abby’s hair is looking fab again this week after her descent into the disastrous ‘do’s with last week’s historical hairdo from hell, the Season 9-esque pulled-off-the-forehead, hanging-down-the-back monstrosity. So with the evidence of Luka’s Mood Ring being blue this week and Abby’s hair looking good, I’m going to guess there’s been some stimulating stroking Salon soaking supervening … Bitch … Pratt wants to know how bad it is and Frank bitches to Abby “We’ve got a Men’s Room, you know”. And I don’t think I’ve ever said this before, but I am so with you on that reminder, Frank. Morris hopes it’s not carrots, ‘cause he hates carrots. I guess eating them hits too close to home and is a bit too cannibalistic, eh, Morris? As she puts files down on the desk, Abby bitches that she said she was sorry, but she really doesn’t sound it, probably because she’s still gloating over getting Luka to replace the refuse. Abby continues whining that her babysitter “flaked”. Well, if you had let her have access to the Salon, you may have been able to derail the dandruff, Abby. Though I really can’t blame you for bogarting the Beautiful … Bitch … Abby claims she feels bad enough having to drag MoJo in there. Well, technically, you didn’t, Abby, seeing as MoJo was hanging on the Honey. As Pratt asks if Radiology has called back yet, we focus in on a pair of graceful gams gallivanting towards Admit. Camera pans up to reveal a comely brunette in a skirt with an off-the-shoulder sweater approaching. With a very heavy accent she asks “Excuse me? … I’m here to see Doctor Luka Kovac?” … Uh oh … Morris, Frank and Pratt all stare at her as Abby, who had her back turned, about-faces and looks over. Morris and Pratt look pointedly at Abby, amused. Hee. Abby glances at them, then looks over at Comely, with an eyebrow raised and sporting an “Excuse me?” musing expression. She’s probably trying to figure out how to classify this woman’s prettiness. Comely’s definitely not “cute”, which should be reserved for those who are “pretty and short and/or hyperactive”. She could be “beautiful”, which of course means “pretty and tall”, hence why I used it just now to describe “The Pretty”. Or she could be “gorgeous”, which means “pretty with great hair”, because she does have that. Maybe she has her own Hair Salon and doesn’t need to go after yours, Abby? Since Comely hasn’t turned profile, it’s difficult to judge whether she’s “striking”, which is “pretty with a big nose”. I’m guessing that since this woman has specifically asked for Luka, Abby would refrain from calling her “sexy”, because it means “pretty and easy” and she wouldn’t want anyone “easy” anywhere near her Shampoo Boy. So since Abby’s always been partial to denial, she would probably just go with “exotic”, since it equals “ugly”.
Sam is taking Mitch’s temperature and asking how long he’s been congested. Mitch doesn’t know and wants to know if it matters. Sam bitches “No. I’m just making conversation”. Morris comes over and Sam tells him that Mitch’s temp is 99 as Mitch plays with the ear she just had the thermometer in and wipes the wax or whatever it is that he pulled out that I really don’t want to know about onto his shirt. Lovely. Sam says that Mitch has URI (upper respiratory infection) symptoms and he gripes, “The flu”. Morris goes to listen to his chest, telling him to take a deep breath, and when his stethoscope touches Mitch, he flinches violently, hitting it off and yelling at Morris that it’s freezing. Staring at him, Morris says that he has to take a listen, and adds “Sir”. Mitch bitches that he told “you assholes” that it’s the flu and just to give him antibiotics and let him out of there. Sam, her overly-dyed blonde hair and too dark eyebrows pseudo nicely come back at him “Listen, Prince Charming, the quicker we check you out, the quicker you can go”. Morris tells him that they need to check the oxygen levels in his blood and that’s part of the exam. Mitch tells him to “omit that part”. Sam levels with him that if he has the flu, that’s an easy fix, then he can go home, adding absolutely verbatim what I have been saying to her every week since she showed up in the ER … “Believe me, I want you to go … I need you to go”.
As the camera once again pans up the shapely stems of the curvaceous Comely, we hear Abby exclaim, “Wow … Rio … so
From the militant wing of the Salvation Army, a Frau Farbissina-esque woman is gesturing her black-gloved right hand down and barking in a strict accented voice “Discipline! Discipline … Especially with the little boys” … Well, Frau, if you won’t scold and dominate us, we will never give you cause to hate us … Sitting back against the sofa, shoulder to shoulder, Abby and Luka, both with brows furrowed disbelievingly, wearing matching WTF scowls, are staring at her intently. Frau adds “This is key!” as MoJo, who is sitting on Abby’s lap this time, facing out, and has been watching Frau, breaks out a huge grin at this. Hee. He’s so adorable. But you’re way too young for the dominatrix stuff, MoJo … Remember, just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, MoJo … And seeing the three of them sitting together like this, I’m noticing that the entire Kovac-Lockhart family … Kovhart? … Lockvac? … Will you two hurry up and get married already, for God’s sake, so I only have to deal with one surname? … Jeez … Anyway, they are all color-coordinated in this ep. Luka’s in Luka Blue II, Abby’s wearing brown, and MoJo is wearing the aforementioned sweater-hat combo that incorporates both colors … Awww … That’s really cute … Switch to:
A big, curly-haired, bespectacled, dollar-store-giant-jewelry-wearing, huge-shoulder-bag-carrying, lady-who-works-the-Slurpee-machine-at-my-local-7-11 looking woman is rummaging through her purse and saying that the Amway money ran out along with her husband. Well, if you think wearing royal blue squiggly plastic bracelets with earth-tone colored ones, a purple big beaded choker, a lavender tank top with white stars all over it that matches the eyeshadow that you obviously applied with a spatula, a charcoal gray hoodie and oversized two-toned gold earrings is the way to dress to impress, then I’m not the least bit surprised he left you, Slurpee. She says that she asked herself “Whaddaya love?”, and answered herself “kids”, and shrugging apathetically, she says she loves kids … In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun, Slurpee … Camera switches to Abby and Luka, still on the couch, though this time they are sitting closer and looking much more couple-y as he has his arm draped across the sofa behind her and she is sort of leaning back into him. MoJo is still sitting on her lap, but between them this time … Awww … Sweet … Would be such a Kodak moment if Abby’s and Luka’s grins were a little more downright amusement than polite indulgent … Abby tolerantly nods, as we hear Slurpee say sort of affectionately “Crazy little bastards …” … The sound of that is something quite atrocious, Slurpee … Slurpee finally finds what she’s been looking for and gasps excitedly as she pulls out … a pack of cigarettes. Yeah, I gasp excitedly when I have my Marlboro’s around Luka, too, Slurpee. Of course, my indulging in that vice usually requires Luka to be in various states of undress … Which we cruelly and bewilderingly have been deprived of for way too long, ER producers … Just saying … Mimicking the two-fingered ciggie hold, Slurpee asks if she can smoke in there and Abby and Luka continue their smirking sufferance. And you’d better be careful, Slurpee, because I’m sure Abby’s so not liking the smoking thing. Not because she’s an ex-smoker with a serious nicotine craving, but because the last time someone lit up in the hospital in a room she was in, the place exploded and she cracked a rib … Good times … Move to:
The Stepford Sitter, in a lacy button-down shirt with a gray cardigan, wearing an angel brooch and pearls, hair pulled back in a bun, is wistfully telling Abby and Luka that it was the best ten years of her life and she “really loved those kids”. Smiling superiorly and leaning in a little like she’s about to impart some juicy gossip, Stepford false modestly says that she doesn’t want to brag, then continues proudly that for all the families she’s worked for, the kids always end up calling her “mommy” by the third week. Abby and Luka are shoulder to shoulder again on the sofa, leaning against each other, she with her arms crossed in front of her, Luka with MoJo lying in his arms. Abby, who had been paying attention to a noisy MoJo as he keeps reaching up to touch Luka’s face, lifts her head up at this statement and Luka raises his eyebrows. Abby rolls her look deliberately from MoJo to Stepford, frowning, duck-lipping and staring at her incredulously, while Luka fake smiles and chuckles mirthlessly, humoring her. MoJo is totally babbling up a storm … If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious, MoJo … Abby, artificially enthusiastic, tells Stepford, “Okay … great”, claps her hands, grinning, nodding and leaning forward, “Thanks for coming by”. Hee. I’m thinking Paula, Randy and Simon there didn’t approve of any of the completely cuckoo contestants on this week’s Hysteric Nan Try Dull … Where’s Julie Andrews when you need her? …
Morris comes into Mitch’s Exam Room and puts an x-ray on the viewer. Mitch wants to know if he got lost. Oh, if only, Mitch … if only … Morris tells him that there seems to be something wrong with his heart, and that’s what’s causing his congestion and shortness of breath. He points to Mitch’s x-ray and shows that a normal heart is the size of a fist, and his is twice that. Double-fisted, eh, Mitch? Didn’t know you had it in ya … so to speak … Sam comes in and hands Morris the sonosite, apologizing because it took her a while to find it. Great. Way to keep track of your supplies. I think Luka needs to lay down the law … Or just laying down would be fine by me … Just saying … Sam notices that Mitch is still in his street clothes, and she bitches at him that she’s already told him to gown up, and, because she’s Sam and throwing things is just part of who she is, she throws one at him. He says he’s not wearing that “dress” and tosses it on the floor. Leaving the gown on the floor for Maintenance to deal with because she is just that helpful, Sam tells him, “Then lose the shirt”. Mitch stares at her as he rips opens the snaps on his shirt with a flourish, sneeringly telling her that she could at least “buy him dinner first”. Well, I don’t know, Mitch, you don’t seem like the tree-hugging type, and Sam comes with accessories, namely her son is New Alex, or Newlex, but better known as Splinter because his acting style is oddly reminiscent of that of Neela’s dead husband, Michael Gallant, aka Plank, now referred to as Deadwood. Unless you’ve got a fir fetish, oak obsession, or a hankerin’ for some hickory, I’m thinking you’d best steer clear of Sam. Mitch takes his shirt off to reveal a big black spider tattoo. Oh, is that a Wood Spider, Mitch, ‘cause then I guess you are barking up the right tree. Before he lay back on the bed still wearing his hat, he tosses his shirt at Sam, who doesn’t even attempt to grab it. Morris wants to know if Mitch has gotten in a lot of fights, or had an accident or something because he’s got what looks like a lot of old fractures, and Mitch says he was an active kid. Sam is getting ready to place monitor leads on him and she asks about his scar and what look like cigarette burns on his shoulder and upper arm. He says that his father had a two pack a day habit, and I guess he didn’t have an ashtray so just used Mitch to stub them out on instead. Real nice, Mr. Mitch. No wonder your son is so pleasant. Morris squirts ultrasound gel on Mitch’s chest as we see that he has a barbed wire tattoo across his stomach, about the navel. Mitch is breathing heavy and not at all comfortable with what they are doing. Mitch looks at Morris suspiciously as he uses the ultrasound wand. Morris tells Sam that Mitch has a pericardial effusion. Mitch asks what that is and Sam translates that it’s fluid around his heart and Morris tells him that it is restricting his blood flow and making it hard for him to breathe. He gives some orders to Sam and to prepare for a Pericardiocentesis. An uptight Mitch asks what he’s doing. Morris matter-of-factly explains that they need to do a procedure where he places a needle in the sack around Mitch’s heart, and says that it’s no big deal as Mitch scoffs and laughs disbelievingly, saying “No way”. Morris tries to tell him that he needs this procedure, but Mitch says he doesn’t. Morris again says he does or he could die. An extremely agitated Mitch rips off the leads and hops out of bed, yelling “Not a chance!” He angrily grabs his clothes and bitches at Morris “Where did you get your doctor degree? Through the mail?” Ooh, can you do that? I’ve always wanted to be Dr. Cranky … I’d have a one-patient practice … And I’d be on-call at all times … Paging Dr. Cranky to the Salon for a Clothes Shed … I mean a “Code Red” … Stat … Hmmm …
Still topless, Mitch pushes out the door and storms past Busy and Frank at Admit, shouting for everyone to get out while they can before “Kevorkian starts sticking you!” Oh, Mitch. Haven’t you read the literature? Dr. Kevorkian only helps those who want to be helped and put out of their misery … Although I guess you could interpret “helps put us out of our misery” another way … Does that include terminating fictional characters? In that case, I have someone I’d like you to meet, McEgo … and while you’re there, could you find out if he has an African counterpart? … Everyone is watching him, not knowing quite what to make of it, as he strides to the door and starts banging on it, yelling for them to let him the hell out of there. Morris and Sam come out of the Exam Room and glare at him, weary of his behavior. The door doesn’t open fast enough for Mitch so he starts screeching “NOW!!!” as the doors open behind him. He stomps out, and the freaks in Chairs part the waters for him, hailing him as the their king, then let him leave.
After break, Weaver and Busy are back in the Curtain Area where a short, and short-haired, guy is sitting on a bed next a young kid who’s playing a video game. He tells Weaver that he just needs his cholesterol medicine filled and hands her the bottle as Busy praises him for being vigilant because cholesterol is a “silent killer”. Busy’s kind of wacky, too … maybe she can be your Queen Freak, Mitch … Weaver tells Short that the prescription was drawn from the
At Admit, Weaver asks Morris why the guy in Curtain Two is still there, but he doesn’t answer. Ray asks him “Vertigo guy is still here?” Oh, I so feel your pain, Vertigo Guy, because vertigo totally sucks … It’s like having perpetual prolonged bedspins without the benefit of getting drunk … or being horizontal … Just nasty. Ray brags that his feel better “after meclizine, OTD in 45 minutes”. Oh, yeah, meclizine works soooo well, Ray, it caused my bedspins to go from clockwise to counterclockwise. It may not have cured my vertigo, but it greatly improved my gameplay at Twister … Frank tells Ray to give Morris a break, it’s his first shift in a month where he hasn’t killed anybody. Now, Morris, if you keep going at this rate, you’ll never get your Kevorkian Kindly Killer Bump-off Benefactor Badge. Morris tells Ray that the case is a little bit more complicated than that. Ray asks if there was an abnormal neuro exam, and Morris says that he just has a “clinical hunch” and adds that it takes years to develop as we see Busy busily brooding. Sam hands Morris a report from Radiology. Ray asks if it’s for Vertigo Guy before adding smugly, “It’s normal, isn’t it?” Morris thinks we can all sleep a little bit better tonight. Really? Are you leaving and taking Sam with you? That would make me sleep better … as would some quality time at a nice Day Spa … hmmm … I think I need to check in on my patient … Busy asks Sam if she can get something from the drug sample closet. Sam bitches that there’s a limited amount of samples and that Busy should ask an Attending. Busy tells her that Weaver asked her to get it, and Sam changes her tune and is all helpful and walks off to get it. Weaver is still on the phone with the
At the M&M, Moby is bitching “This is an extremely uncommon error”. The surgeons, including Neela and Phoebe, are all sitting on the left side of the room, and even though we only see part of the right side, we can see Pratt and it seems the rest of the ER staff is sitting there. We hear a baby crying as Moby says that his personnel were clearly distracted by the ongoing debate, as, displeased by the new distraction from the ER camp, he glares over at the other side of the room. Camera follows his gaze to show us Abby, sitting directly across the aisle from Moby, trying to calm an upset MoJo. Moby complains that it’s all the more reason that ER docs should remain in the ER, adding snidely that he knows that ER sounds a lot like OR “but it’s not” . As the camera pans behind Dubenko standing next to an overhead projector in the front of the room, Pratt comes back at him that their “guys” were up there trying to keep Moby’s “guys” from making mistakes. Guys? Wasn’t it Abby and McEgo? What do you mean “guys”? Does Abby look like a guy? Does she talk like a guy? Does she act like a guy? Have you ever met a GUY named ABBY??? Have you??? … And seeing as he sees himself as “The Man”, I’m sure McEgo wouldn’t appreciate being one of the “guys” either, Pratt. Besides, I’m not so sure about using that term to describe Moby …Abby keeps patting MoJo’s back and quietly comforting him “shhhhh”, but MoJo’s having none of it. We see Luka sitting on the other side of Abby, trying to listen to the proceedings. Moby thinks that based on the information they had, their decision to operate was correct. Dubenko purses his lips, hitches up his pants and seems to sigh, then look over as Abby starts to disagree with Moby. Like any good wingman, Luka moves to take the fussing MoJo so that Abby can be unhampered as she fights the enemy. Abby comes back at Moby that they didn’t have sufficient information because Moby didn’t allow them to complete a full investigation and Pratt looks at Moby and gestures at Abby like “yeah, what she said”. Dubenko intervenes that “this isn’t a witch hunt”. Well, considering both Abby and Moby are involved, I wouldn’t be too sure about that, Lucien. Because he apparently can’t spot the prelude to a good old-fashioned catfight, Dubenko thinks they’re there to learn from there mistakes and improve, as the camera shot is behind Luka and Abby and we see MoJo up on Luka’s shoulder, decidedly dry-eyed though the baby-crying soundtrack is still playing. Luka motions to Abby to get something and she reaches for it as we switch to Moby who cynically corrects Dubenko nodding, “You mean their mistakes, right?” Ever the velvety voice of ravishing reason, Luka looks over and admonishes “Okay, let’s not forget that we’re on the same team here” as Abby still tries to settle MoJo down, reaching over to him and giving him Luka’s Stethoscope of Silent Soothing so he can play with it. And Luka, honey, there’s no way in hell that Moby’s on the same team as you … he’s not even in the same league … Few are … And oh, great, speaking of not being in the same stratosphere … McEgo’s just entered the room … Wonderful … Pratt bitches at him that he missed the case presentation. As he passes by Dubenko on the way to the seat beside Pratt, McEgo says he’s sorry to him and that he had a patient. Luka contritely apologizes as he starts to get up to leave with an un-pacified MoJo and Abby moves to get the diaper bag for him. Dubenko assures him that it’s okay, then addresses McEgo that there’s no need to sit and tells him to come down. Luka takes the backpack from Abby, and heads out of the room. Dubenko asks McEgo to tell everyone what the differential diagnosis was when this patient presented, as Luka shuts the door behind him. Neela follows McEgo’s progress to the front of the room. McEgo starts to say that Triple A was on the top of their list, as Abby sits back to try to pay attention. She looks over at Moby, who looks disdainfully back at her. As he turns his gaze back towards the front, Abby keeps staring at him with a “oh, you so don’t know who you’re messing with” look.
Morris and Sam are waiting on an Incoming and he complains that he should have stayed a Resident because there were no responsibilities, just “heal ‘em and deal ‘em … that was the life”. Sam so does not want to hear his whining anymore than I do and asks if she can tell him something “as a friend”. “Friend”? Which one, Sam?
Morris is examining Bus Driver in Trauma Yellow and calls over to Ray in Trauma Green, asking how he’s doing. Malik says they can probably use a hand when Morris is done. Bus Driver hopes he didn’t hurt Gurney Guy too badly. Morris doesn’t answer as he’s showing Busy the inside of Bus Driver’s nose and explaining that they first look for an obvious source of bleeding to be cauterized. Bus Driver asks if it’s broken and starts to say that it sure feels that way when he sneezes, splattering booger-laden blood all over Busy … Nice … She flinches and says “God Bless You”, as from the other side of the table, Sam looks at her with a “Thank God it wasn’t me” smile … Bus Driver looks really sorry as he apologizes that it snuck up on him …
Looking towards the front of the M&M room, Abby indignantly pronounces that “You need a definitive diagnosis before committing an unstable patient to major surgery”. Moby snootily “Au contraire” ‘s her and she scowls, sliding her eyes over toward him, annoyed. Moby condescends that the mortality of Triple A is 90% and they don’t have time to wait around for tests. Abby counters that ultrasound can be done very quickly at the bedside. Moby patronizingly responds “Theoretically perhaps … but not in this ER”. Abby is distracted and anxiously looks over at the door, where we see Luka bouncing up and down, cutely making faces at and trying to calm down MoJo, but not having much success. Moby sneers that every textbook in print says that these types of patients should be taken to the OR immediately as Abby bitches over him that ultrasound in the ER is new and it’s not in every textbook. While MoJo mewls in the background, we get dueling derisiveness as, not looking at each other, they simultaneous snipe as the bickering builds and the catfight commences … Moby mocks: “So we should just ignore decades of experience because what? You have a new toy? … as Abby antagonizes: “And recent studies have shown it’s very accurate when used to find aneurysms” . A miffed Moby moans, “People die with delays”. Leaning over a bit and looking worriedly at the door again, Abby watches as Luka’s lucidly losing the bawling baby battle. Moby disparagingly continues about the Ballantine paper from 1993 found that most patients without Triple A’s still need surgery, as Dubenko glances over at the source of Abby’s preoccupation before looking back her. A torn and exasperated Abby seems to be realizing that besides the fact that her son is obviously inconsolable, and even though Luka took him outside, MoJo’s still totally disrupting this meeting. Why is Luka hanging around right outside the door? Not that I don’t want to see him, of course, but you would think he’d understand how obtrusive a crying baby can be. Haven’t you ever been on a plane, Luka? Every flight I’ve ever been on has the obligatory screaming infant that starts shrieking like a Jersey Devil at takeoff and keeps going until baggage claim … Good times … Abby concedes “most” but forcefully counters “not all”, as she gets up and starts heading towards the door, apparently going to rescue Luka. She bitches as she walks, “… with severe heart failure surgery can be fatal. The guy’s lucky all you did was torch him …”. Abby turns at the door to take one last carping potshot at Moby “You could have killed him”. She opens the door to go out into the hall to liberate Luka from the bellowing baby, as Luka kisses MoJo on the head. Awww … That was sweet.
After she leaves and we hear a slightly quieter MoJo still crying. Dubenko turns back to the group and says “okay”, and asks McEgo what his experience is in the ER with bedside ultrasound. McEgo says that it’s been going on for a few years now. As Dubenko continues to question him, Phoebe leans over to Neela and says that McEgo is cute. Of course she does. I think he must have it in his contract that a female character has to say that about him at least once an episode. Ugh. Phoebe gossips that she hears McEgo lives with somebody. Neela says “Really? I would think with the size of his swelled head it would be awfully crowded” … Actually, Neela unfortunately stopped after the “Really?” Phoebe says that she thinks McEgo has a kid. Neela’s surprised and stares disbelievingly at McEgo. He reads stuff off his index cards, then smiles when he’s finished, thinking that’s it. Apparently not pleased with what she’s just learned, Neela’s not going to let him off the hook. She questions a little harshly “What about for a Triple A specifically?”, then looks at him expectantly. McEgo gets a little flustered as he looks through his notes, not finding the answer, and saying that he doesn’t know exactly. A haughty, Neela keeps after him that finding a gallstone is one thing but a ruptured aneurysm is quite another, as Moby smirks. McEgo thinks that if they had seen the normal aorta with the enlarged liver they would have saved the guy the risk of surgery. Neela criticizes “But you couldn’t do it in a reasonable timeframe”. Not sure why she’s harping on him, McEgo retorts that was because they weren’t given a reasonable timeframe. Neela counters that the guy was unstable and surgery was necessary. McEgo wants to know if lighting the guy on fire was necessary, too. Neela bitingly replies that the bovie wasn’t grounded, and an incredulous McEgo asks “Who’s fault was that?” Neela bitches that it was his, and he scoffs “Mine?” as she comes back at him that he shouldn’t have even been in the OR. Now these two are heatedly sniping at each other in stereo, and I can’t understand a word they’re saying, except I did hear Neela call him a “pain in the ass” … Hee … McHemorrhoid … High School Hall Monitor Dubenko steps in and tells them that’s enough then says “Thank you, Dr. Gates”, as McEgo glowers at Neela with “that is so not how we went over this”, and she looks back at him aloofly. Dubenko thinks they can all see what the real problem is here, that providing the best care requires communicating openly and when they fail to do that, lives are lost. McEgo keeps glaring back at Neela, who is purposely avoiding his gaze. Dubenko continues that he thinks that’s something they can all learn from today’s M&M.
Walking down the hallway carrying MoJo, Abby bitches to Luka that Moby “is such a little prick”. Abby keeps babbling, “You know what? I bet I could take him, too”, as Luka tries to suppress a grin. She keeps going, opening her eyes all wide-eyed crazy, “Actually, I definitely think I could take him”. I have no doubt that you can, Abby. I think MoJo could probably take Moby. Turning her head towards Luka, she says assuredly “And you could kick his ass”. Hee. Luka looks as totally amused by her rambling rant as I am. We hear someone call his name as he stops and turns towards Abby, interrupting the continuation of her tirade to quietly tell her “You’re scaring me”. Hee. Iman comes up and tells Luka she’s been looking for him and she’s sorry she didn’t get back to him earlier. He replies “Angela, you remember Abby?”, pointing over to her. Iman does and smiles, telling her it’s nice to see her back at work, as paramedics are bringing in a gurney directly behind them. Luka gently guides them both out of the way. Awww. He really is sweet. Abby says that it’s nice to be back. Iman tells Luka that she probably should have warned him that Bird was coming in. Oh, ya think? Idiot. With his hands on his hips, Luka asks her what all this is about a settlement. Iman insists that there is no settlement and that they agreed to the meeting as a show of “good faith” in case they went back to trial. Luka looks over at Abby, who gives him a reassuring grin, and raises her eyebrows encouragingly as we hear Iman tell Luka not to worry, the appeal is never going to happen. Iman happily tells him that Bird can’t even find a lawyer to take the case and they are not settling. Luka nods and says “good”, though he’s not looking too confident. Poor Luka. I’ll bet all you need to wash and rinse those troubles away is a lavishly long leisurely lovely luxuriantly lounging sumptuous singularly satisfying Salon sauna soak … Bitch …
Morris goes into Trauma Green, asking Ray what they’ve got. Doing an ultrasound, Ray says that there hypotension secondary to what looks like a pericardial effusion. Morris comments that it’s weird because he just had one this morning. Ray tells Malik to set him up for a Pericardiocentesis. Camera pans to show us that Gurney Guy is none other than a bloodied, head-strapped-to-the-gurney Mitch, asking if they’re saying there’s something wrong with his heart. As Morris starts to introduce himself, he recognizes Mitch and says that he was here earlier, but Mitch says he wasn’t. Morris calls over to Sam to come see if she recognizes Mitch. Looking like she ate a lemon, Sam looks at Mitch and says “Yeah, the flu jerk”. Mitch doesn’t know what they are talking about, he doesn’t have the flu and he’s never been there before, as Sam and Morris share a look.
Luka is carrying a jacketed MoJo as he and Abby are walking side-by-side, Luka slightly behind, in the direction of the El tracks. Luka glances over at Abby before asking MoJo what it’s going to be, the “good looking Brazilian” then playfully baby-talking "or the big mean Russian”. Hee. Abby grins and looks back at him, as Luka starts asking MoJo again in Croatian. I’m liking Abby’s big buttoned Napoleonic-military looking earthtone-y peacoat thing. Camera angle changes to show this scene from across the street. We see Abby stopping and laughing as she turns around and reaches to take MoJo from Luka. We then see that we’re watching them from the point of view of Bird, who is sitting at the counter at the window in Jumbo Mart as the Oppressively Ominous Ode of Conceivable Chancy Circumstances plays. We hear Luka say “Okay, go home”, and Abby responds telling MoJo “Say ‘bye’”. Then Bird’s eye view shows us Abby grabbing MoJo, who’s got a vise grip on Luka’s stethoscope, dragging Luka along with it. Hee. Well, that’s what you get for letting him play with it before, Abby. Now he thinks it’s his. Bird is watching them intently. He’s eating lunch, but his gaze never wavers. It’s a little disconcerting. And kind of creepy. Abby’s got complete hold of MoJo now. She gives Luka an affectionate grin as she turns to leave, and he lightly touches the back of her upper arm, kind of pushing her off fondly. Luka stands with his hands on his hips, watching them walk away as we see Bird’s reflection in the window, shooting daggers at him … Uh oh … I’ve got a bad feeling about this …
After commercial, Ray is explaining the procedure to an interested Mitch, while Morris rolls his eyes, disbelieving what he’s witnessing. Mitch thinks that using sound to see with the ultrasound is fascinating and says it’s just like “bats and dolphins”. Morris scoffs at this. Mitch wants to know if he can watch, and Ray tells him “sure”. Morris can’t believe this and says that this morning Mitch was ready to rip his head off and wants to know “What are you trying to pull, buddy?” Mitch wants to know why Morris is so angry. Ray tells Sam to prep Mitch’s chest, then asks Morris if they can talk outside. Morris’ disturbed apple pie face glares at Mitch until Ray angrily says “Morris!”, and Morris follows him out. Morris doesn’t know what “this whack job’s game is”, but Ray thinks he’s probably a little kooky from blow to his head. Morris thinks he’s got to be on something because he’s totally different now. Ray thinks Morris should give the guy a break because he just got his ass kicked. Morris protests that Mitch really didn’t want the procedure. Ray believes Mitch was really pissed off at Morris and adds “It wouldn’t be the first time”. Morris doesn’t know what to say, so Ray continues that he knows that it may sound a little corny, but wants to know if Morris has heard the expression “You always catch more flies with honey”. Oh, really, Ray? Have you ever heard the expression “Only a hillbilly sits around figuring out the best way to catch flies”? A humbled Morris thinks what Ray’s saying is good and he likes that approach. He thinks Ray will make a great Attending some day. Considering Ray’s acting more like one in this situation than you are, Morris, I don’t think it will be hard for him to surpass the extremely low standards that you’ve set.
Abby is by the lake, seriously searching through MoJo’s diaper bag. She apologizes that she knows that her wallet is in there somewhere as we here MoJo gurgling. Abby chuckles nervously, totally embarrassed, and I totally feel for her because I don’t know how many times this same thing has happened to me. The camera pulls back to reveal that she’s standing beside hot dog vendor, who’s wearing a black sweatshirt that says “Demon Dogs”. MoJo’s stroller is on the other side of Abby. She curses softly “damn it!” as she’s pulling out diaper rash lotion and stuff trying to find it. We hear a male voice say cheerfully “I got that”, as we see Bird walk up to the cart, triggering the danger music in my brain … dun dun dun DUH … Bird continues asking, “… and, uh, can I get a Polish, please?” Bird pulls his wallet out of his pocket with his good right hand, and sort of loses his grip on it so that is lands on top of the cart. Abby tells him “no, that’s okay”. A friendly and soft-spoken Bird smiles at her guilelessly and tells her not to worry about it and he insists. An abashed Abby tries to say that it’s really not necessary, but a genuine Bird thinks that she’s got her hands full and it’s the least he can do. He downplays his generosity by saying “It’s just a hot dog”. And Bird’s overt niceness to Abby is really making me uneasy, wondering what he’s up to. Paying Demon Dog, Bird tells her that his mom always taught him that random acts of kindness make the world a better place, as he looks over at MoJo. Zipping up the diaper bag and hoisting it over her shoulder, Abby smiles and says “Well, I can’t argue with that” and sincerely thanks him. Gesturing towards MoJo, Bird asks if he’s about six months old. And though he’s wearing the same outfit as the MoJo earlier in this ep, this doesn’t appear to be the same baby. Since this is a location shoot, I guess this is Chicago MoJo, v. 3. He’s kind of cute, but he looks like he’s got a ring of something around his mouth, so you really should have been hunting for some wipes in that bag, Abby, ‘cause that kid’s face needs a good scrub. Precariously perched on the edge of MoJo’s stroller is End Table Frog, the one that Luka and Abby lobbed at each other in Parenthood; not to be confused with Dining Table Frog, whose existence in that scene was just ignored. Abby answers “Five and a half” as End Table Frog takes a nosedive onto the pavement, squeakily protesting the injustice of his being tossed once again. Nice, MoJo. I know they’re your parents, but really, some behavior just shouldn’t be emulated. Bird thinks MoJo is really cute. Chuckling, Abby admits that MoJo’s “got a set of pipes on him you wouldn’t believe”. Well, considering you’re his mom and you’ve your own tendency to shout at the higher decibel levels, I certainly believe it, Abby. Bird leans in to talk to MoJo, asking him “Are you driving your mom crazy?” Oh, she doesn’t need MoJo to do that, Bird. She was born with the crazy. MoJo gives Bird a huge gummy toothless grin, as Bird keeps smiling at him, negating MoJo’s mommy crazy driving saying “Nah … nah”. Bird notices End Table Frog on the pavement and picks him up. He shows it to MoJo, playfully going “Ribbit … rabbit …”. MoJo laughs excitedly and grabs at End Table Frog while Bird asks him “Is this one yours?” Abby chuckles and grins, looking at MoJo affectionately.
Standing at Admit sporting what is either guilty or nauseous expression, I can’t tell which, Busy is looking over at Weaver. Busy approaches and tells Weaver that something heavy is weighing on her and she can’t take it anymore. Oh, so it is the nausea thing … Better back up before she blows, Weaver … Busy admits that she gave med samples to Short, as Sam, who’s standing near by, hears this and turns around to stare at her. Busy starts in with how Short is a sweet, hard-working man and she was afraid that he would stop taking his pills. She babbles, while Weaver tries to get a word in edgewise and Sam glares at her. Weaver holds up her hand and finally gets Busy to stop. Busy winces, expecting a patented Weaver smackdown, but Weaver thinks she did a good thing. Weaver thinks, “There might be hope for you, Hope”. Weaver walks away as a pleased Busy smiles, not noticing a Botox-scowling Sam crossing her arms and glowering at her. Busy notices Sam, who grouses that Busy told her that those meds were for Dr. Weaver. Ooh, I’m expecting them to start channeling their Freaks and Geeks characters as I eagerly anticipate a retrospective Lindsay vs. Kelly snippy showdown. But since Busy’s now a gentle God-squatter rather than a vicious Valley Girl, I’m sure I’ll be disappointed. Busy admits that technically they were, but Sam’s not appeased and sneers at her “Well, ‘technically’, you lied to me”. Busy looks a little shamefaced as Sam bitches at her “There are rules for breaking the rules, Rookie, and Rule #1 is that you never, ever lie to the nurses. You got me?!?” Busy sincerely apologizes but Sam just gives her the evil eye. Jeez, Sam’s a little bitchy this ep … Wonder what crawled up her ass and died? Forget I asked that, because that would be waaaaay more info about Sam than I need … Though I suspect that either her Auntie Flow is visiting, or else Splinter’s bark’s exfoliating …
Bird and Abby are walking as she pushes MoJo’s stroller. He’s carrying a soda can and explaining the sling on his arm by lying that he “fell off a ladder at work”. He tells her that this “dude wasn’t paying attention” so he had to pay the price, as she nods sympathetically while I get really tense because though she doesn't, we know the real meaning under those words. Abby thinks it sounds like a dangerous job. Not looking at her, he shakes his head saying “not really”, and saying that he’s a carpenter. Smiling, he humbly says that it’s tough doing it with one arm. He must have told her it’s just a sprain, because Abby reassures him that they heal pretty quickly. He quietly and evasively says that’s what they told him at the hospital. Bird’s demeanor with Abby is decidedly amiable and non-threatening, which is really unsettling, because his motives are suspect. Bird decides it’s time to end this encounter, and stops, saying that he’s headed for the Red Line. Abby points ahead and says “Oh, I’m headed this way”. Bird puts the can down on the bench, wipes his hand on his jeans, then offers it to her saying that it was nice to meet her. She shakes it and chuckling says “You too” and thanks him again for the hot dog. He puts his hand up to his chest, smiling modestly and assures her it was his pleasure. As she walks off, Bird calls after “I’ll catch you later, Joe!”, as he laughs. Oh, I’m so not liking this as he watches them walk away, then looks down at the sidewalk and notices that MoJo’s disposed of End Table Frog again. Nice, MoJo. I could really only see you doing that if you were using it as a flirting ploy, like my nephew used to do, purposely chucking his toys on the floor so that pretty blonde waitresses would have to bend over and continually give them back to him. Bird picks up End Table Frog, looks over at Abby still moving away, then turns to head in the opposite direction, making no attempt to return the toy. Nice, Bird. I’ve really got a baaaaaaad feeling about this …
Morris asks Frank, sotto voce, if he’s gotten any calls. Frank says loudly that the TV producer lady has not called back yet, as Morris tries to shut him up. Frank bitches that if Morris asks him one more time, he’s going to slap him so hard that he’ll “turn brunette”. Hee. Weaver overhears and informs Morris that the position has been filled. Morris innocently is all “What position?” Weaver tells him to stop calling the TV station because she’s been getting complaints. Morris pretends to remember “that position” and asks “They filled it, huh?” and wants to know who they found so fast. Weaver answers “Me”. Morris thought she turned it down, but Weaver says that she changed her mind. She says she “figured it was about time someone put something worthwhile on television”. Hee. Weaver’s obviously a Desperate Housewife who thinks current programming is obviously Lost, Without a Trace and in need of an Extreme Makeover, holding The View that in The Real World, Law and Order in her House, and at The Office, is better served when books are the Heroes.
Drinking a coffee, Pratt walks into the ER, talking to the Barbershop owner, who looks like an old Cedric the Entertainer, from Ames vs. Kovac. Pratt asks Cedric how long he’s had the rash. Cedric says he’s had it for about two weeks now. Pratt wants to know if he has any food allergies, and Cedric says no. He asks if Cedric is on any medications, and Cedric’s only taking blood pressure pills. Pratt leads him to the Curtain Area and asks him what kind of pills, and Cedric takes a baggie out of his pocket and hands it to Pratt. Pratt says that Cedric’s problem is that rash is a common side effect of those pills and asks who prescribed them. He says a doc up at the clinic prescribed them about 10 years ago. Pratt doesn’t get it, and questions “Ten years ago?” then holding up the bag, “Who gave you these?” Cedric starts to say something about “his man T-bone”, but Pratt stops him and tells him that he can’t take other people’s medications because it’s not safe. Cedric says everybody does it and that up at the First Mission Baptist, Pastor Watkins does a “drug exchange program”. Pratt’s not too happy about this bit of info, and Cedric says that he doesn’t have insurance and asks Pratt if he knows how much that stuff costs, as Pratt nods, annoyed.
Everyone’s filing out of the M&M, except McEgo and Neela. He turns to Neela griping that she can’t possibly think that ultrasound was contraindicated. Neela corrects harshly that she does if it can’t be done immediately, getting up and heading purposefully towards the door. McEgo bitches that she could have told him that before the M&M, but she sneers that she didn’t realize she had to point out the totally obvious and turns away from him to continue to leave. He complains that he can’t win with her and she turns back and retorts “Well, finally, we agree on something”. McEgo mocks her “finally”, and she grumbles “You don’t have to take the piss out of me, you know”. He starts repeating “Piss? … Piss?” as she says “yes!” in between … Oh, can’t you just feel it? The room’s just dripping with sexual tension … Wait a minute … What’s that smell? … Oh, considering they’re arguing about bodily functions, I now I get what’s actually dripping …
Morris is about to perform the Periocardiocentesis on Mitch. Huh? I thought he was Ray’s patient now … Why is Morris doing it? … Annoying … Sam is prepping as Morris starts to explain the procedure to Mitch, who seems to be growing agitated. He looks over at Sutures where we see Luka treating a scared kid. Morris is telling him about the risks of infection, and an anxious Mitch asks “You could infect my heart?”, as he’s distracted by the sight in Sutures and keeps looking over at Luka. And I am so with you on the not-being-able-to-keep-the-eyes-off-The-Pretty thing, Mitch. Oh, he’s actually watching Scared Kid. Morris assures him that the chances are low, as Mitch’s gaze keeps wandering towards Scared Kid, who is fighting while his mom is telling him to let Luka work. Mitch asks Morris about bleeding because he has “trepidation about bleeding”. Morris thinks it’s a minor risk because they are using such a small needle as he holds up a syringe that looks like it’s used for tranquilizing a horse. Mitch is not liking the looks of that. Morris admits that it’s not so small, but it’s thin. Scared Kid is fighting harder and we hear Luka trying to tell him that it will only hurt for a second. Scared Kid is screaming and it’s affecting Mitch, who starts staring at the needle. His compliant behavior suddenly changes and he angrily bats the needle away, yelling in the hard voice he showed early “Get away from me, you clown! I told you I didn’t want that!” Sam protests that he agreed to the procedure and calls him “Mr. Peyton”. Mitch bitches at her to not call him that. He shouts that his name is “Clyde Sandburg” and wants to know if they’ve got short term memory loss or something. Sam and Morris exchange a WTF look.
McEgo moans that Neela ambushed him and she scoffs that he was “spewing absurdities”, and I really don’t want to hear about anything McEgo is “spewing”, Neela … McEgo disbelievingly asks “Do you not like me or something?” Oh, McEgo, if only it were that simple … Neela thinks he’s a “wanker”. It’s her turn to channel me as she goes on to explain exactly what’s wrong with him “Yeah, you’re cocky … You’re arrogant … and you’re not as smooth as you think you are”. You go, Neela! McEgo goes “Ouch”. Ha, truth hurts, eh, McEgo? … Dick … McEgo says that he “never said he was”. Oh, I beg to differ, McEgo. I’ve read your interviews, and how you’ve apparently just about single-handedly saved this show … and the Network … and the world … and how you’re going to cure cancer … and the scourge of poverty … My hero … McSchmuck … They stare at each other. Then Neela’s diminished mental capacity shows as she lunges at McEgo and kisses him … McYuck … McEgo embraces her and she jumps into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, as I wrap my arms around my middle in a desperate attempt to keep my dinner from repeating … McUgh, Neela … He puts her on the table and leans over her, as they reenact the un-sexy closed-mouth kissing Neela dreamed about them doing last ep … McRevolting … I’m sure Neela’s keeping her mouth clamped shut to minimize the risks of razor burn from the McStubble ... They start talking in between moans, Neela telling him that she called the other night and a woman answered, and he can explain that, as they never stop kissing, and my stomach never stops churning … McNauseous … Neela says something like “It’d better been a good time” or some such thing, but I couldn’t tell over the slurping noises … McGulp … We see Ray walking down the hall, as I realize that Morris is working on Mitch so that Ray’s free to experience the McNasty first-hand … Ray looks in the window to see McEgo scaling Mt. Neela … Ray looks as revolted by the sight and it’s requisite porn groans as the audience is … McRepulsive … and so McInappropriate in the workplace … At least when Luka got his groove on with UTI Mom in Walk Like A Man they were in the Storage Closet, behind closed windowless stores. And why is it, ER Producers, that I have to be subjected to McEgo getting a little somethin’ somethin’ and not McPretty? You’re obviously bastards … And since Neela’s obvious in heat, she represents the “Id” in this scenario. It’s obvious who the “Ego” is, leaving Ray as the sense of propriety, the “Superego”. Though I’m sure McEgo would balk at the implication that anyone’s ego is superior to his … Poor Ray, having to watch Neela with anyone, let alone McEgo … Would anyone possibly be shipping Egola? … Can’t imagine much worse than having to watch the initial breakout of the Egola virus … Ugh …
Morris excitedly shows Ray a book saying that he figured out what’s going on with Mitch. He’s sure it’s DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder. Ray’s skeptical about the “multiple personalities” thing. Ray wants to know if Psych’s agreed with the diagnosis, but Morris says that they haven’t come down yet. Of course not. When has the Psych Department ever actually diagnosed anyone on this show? And except for Kim Legaspi in Season 7, who only made a point of answering pages to the ER because she was sleeping with Weaver, when has Psych ever responded in a timely fashion to a call on this show? A dubious Ray wants to know if Morris is basing this on all his extensive psychiatric expertise. Because Morris has seen Sybil and maybe even got to say “hi” in passing in the hall to its star, Sally Field, when she was on earlier this year playing Abby’s mom, Manic Maggie, before she got a chance to call Security, he insists that Mitch is a classic presentation – old abuse injuries, keep changing his name. Ray thinks that maybe it’s Morris that needs the Psych evaluation, and I’m so with you on that one, Ray. Morris thinks that they’ve got to “double doctor” Mitch. Oh no, Morris. The only “double doctor”-ing I would ever want to see on this show would of course involve Luka, if had an identical twin brother … or maybe if Clooney came back for a guest appearance … Certainly not you and Ray … Or McEgo and himself, which would be the only way he’d share the spotlight … McUgh … Ray thinks that’s a little extreme, but Morris comes back that Mitch is refusing vital treatment. Ray says that he’ll talk to Mitch, but maybe Morris should hang back, because he’s already pissed off Mitch, and me, enough today. Thanks, Ray.
Ray goes into Trauma Green and starts asking Mitch questions like “What day is it?” and the month and year. Mitch bitches that they’ve got this new thing now called a “calendar”. Ray gives a “come on” look, and a pissy Mitch gives the answers. Ray asks if he knows where he is. Mitch wants to know if this is Romper Room and says “I see StupidMitch wants to know if this is Romper Room and says “I see Stupid … and Retard … and Jerk Off”. What? Did Sam, Morris and McEgo just come in the room? Mitch then retorts that he’s at
Ray tells Morris he’s not double doctoring. Oh, thank you, Jesus. Morris protests that Mitch is just going to get worse. Ray thinks Mitch already hates doctors, especially Morris, and asks him if he really wants to tie Mitch down. They tie him down when they “double doctor”, too? Hmmm … Again, The Pretty and Clooney … not Ray and the loony. Ray continues “…and stick a needle in his chest?” Morris says that if it will save his life, “hell yes”. Ray says that he’s out and Morris says that he’ll get somebody else. Don’t even think about approaching The Pretty with that offer, Morris. Morris spots Pratt on his way out and tries to get him to sign off on it. Pratt asks if he’s got a foster kid or something, but Ray says that he’s a competent adult. Morris jumps in that he’s got an effusion and he doesn’t want treatment. Ray tells him that Morris thinks the guy’s DID, and Morris starts to explain “multiple personalities”, but Pratt knows what it is because he’s not an idiot, and wants to know what Psych said. Ray says that they’re MIA. Pratt reminds Morris that some docs don’t even think DID exists. Morris comes back that there’s a ton of literature to support it. Pratt asks how Mitch’s vitals are. Ray answers that the systolic is holding in the ‘90’s. Pratt wants to know about Mitch’s mental status and Ray says that he’s alert and oriented and that the tox screen and CT were both clear. Pratt tells Morris that he’s got to treat Mitch conservatively and to wait for Psych because it’s their call. As he heads out, Morris follows him, trying to get him to change his mind.
Ray walks over to the Curtain Area where Neela and Phoebe are examining a patient. He says “Hey, can I speak to you for a second?” Neela sort of blows him off, saying what they’re doing and giving instructions to Phoebe. Ray tells her that he wasn’t actually talking to her. Not realizing that Ray was infected by the Egola earlier, Neela looks over at him, taken aback because she’d of course assumed he’d want to be talking to her. She tells Phoebe to go ahead. Phoebe and Ray walk away and he asks her how Surgery is treating her. Phoebe says “like a stepchild”. Oh, come on, Phoebe. You didn’t hear the Brady kids complaining about being step-children, and the six of them had to share one bathroom … that for some reason didn’t have a toilet … Strange … Phoebe thinks Radiology is looking better, and Ray placates her that the rotation will be over soon. He asks her if she likes hockey. Phoebe replies “Tonsil?” Isn’t she lovely? Why don’t they pair her with McEgo? … Phego … Egobe … She adds “… or ice?” Ray laughs a little uncomfortably and replies “Ice”. Phoebe’s disappointed and says “Too bad”, then says that she’ll settle for a Blackhawks game. Oh, thank you so much for “settling”, your Highness. Skank. They smile at each other.
Morris is in the hall, staring into Trauma Green. Sam saunters up to him and asks if Mitch is still refusing treatment. Morris says that the last BP was 84/50 and he’s developed pulsus paradoxus, which is an exaggeration of the normal variation in the pulse during respiration, in which the pulse becomes weaker as one inhales and stronger as one exhales. Thanks, Medline. Morris found Mitch’s old file and says that “Willis Payton” is his real name, and that’s probably the “host” personality and that “
Pratt enters a relatively empty church. There a minister in the pulpit delivering a sermon, with the congregation “mm hmm”-ing after every sentence. Pratt takes a seat in the back. The minister spots him and points him out saying “Young brother in the back” and tells him to stand up and introduce himself. A little embarrassed, Pratt smiles, then stands up and says who he is. He goes to sit down again and the minister tells him to come on up front, adding “It’s nice to see young folk at the evening service, isn’t it?”
Sam enters Trauma Green and approaches Mitch. She tells him that his heart is getting worse. He bitches at her “Here we go again”, and tells her emphatically “No!” Sam says that if he keeps refusing treatment, it’s going to go down one of two ways. One is that the doctors are going to come in there, tie him down and do the procedure. Mitch thinks they can’t touch him, because he’s got rights. Sam tells him that choice two is that they get to watch him die. He thinks that will be fun for her. Sam says that there is a third option. He can give consent, they fix his heart, then he goes home. She says that all they want to do is help. He gripes “Yeah, you’ve been loads of help so far”. Sam considers this, then moves closer to Mitch. She tells him that she knows he’s scared, and he doth protest way too much “I ain’t scared of nothin’!” Still calm, Sam says that she knows he’s been hurt. Mitch looks her up and down as she tells him that he’s safe there and she promises that he can trust them. Mitch stares at the light over him and we hear the fluorescent bulb buzzing. Sam looks up to see what he’s staring at, then back at him. He’s looking at her apprehensively, like he doesn’t know who she is. He starts whipping his head around, looking at the like he’s trying to understand why he’s there. Sam Botox-scowls at him, one eyebrow raised as she watches him. Confused and much calmer, he asks her if he had been asleep, and she tells him he wasn’t. He looks at her sadly and knowingly, and says that he “lost time” again. Looking at him intently she asks “Willis?” and he gives her an “of course” look and says “yeah”. She tells him that “
After the service, the minister is telling Pratt that the drug exchange program is only for people who have prescriptions, but can’t afford the drugs. Pratt tells him that Cedric’s prescription was 10 years old and out of date because that med is not the drug of choice now for black folks with high blood pressure. Pratt thinks he should start an exercise program instead, get his congregation to start eating better and exercise and he’d do a lot more good. Pastor says that they don’t just help people with high blood pressure. They have diabetics, asthmatics, etc. Lowering his voice, Pratt tells Pastor that what he’s doing is dangerous, not to mention illegal. Pastor thinks he has an obligation to the community, and that “these people are shackled by a system over which they have no control”. He adds that the one thing he “will not do, is nothing”.
Busy approaches Morris and asks if he can ask his advice. Jeez, Busy, you must really be desperate. She tells him that she lied to “Samantha” about something and that she’s “really steamed”. Morris is all “ooh, bad move”. He tells her that if she pisses one nurse off, she’ll piss them all off, “like the mafia”. That’s true, Busy. Ask Luka about what a bad idea it was to do the bang-and-dash with Chuny back in Season 9. Though Sam’s more likely to just hit you with something than start a petition. Morris goes on to her that whenever he’s in a precarious situation, he always asks himself “What would Jesus do?” Busy asks what Jesus would do if the nurses hated him. Morris stammers that Jesus would do the right thing of course, and Busy thinks that’s the problem because she thought she was doing the “right thing”, but she guesses that she did it the wrong way. Morris thinks that’s the story of his life and sometimes it doesn’t matter how much they kick and scream, even when they’re right. Busy says “The Prophet is without honor in his own land”, then tells him it’s from Matthew 13:54. Morris says that he loves that one and that he’s a big “Matthew fan”. Which one, Morris? Matthew McConaughey? Matthew Perry? Matthew Modine? Matthew Broderick? I hope it’s Matthew Fox because maybe then you’ll get Lost, too … Busy smiles and chuckles, then tells him to have a good night and walks away.
Morris walks into Trauma Green and asks a more sedate Mitch if he’s feeling better. The table around him is a bit bloodied so either he’s already had the procedure, or Sam and her Flying Suture Kit of Nasty Nurses has made good on her threat. Morris tells him that they drained almost a half liter of fluid from around his heart, that his blood pressure is back to normal, and that as soon as a bed opens up, they’ll get him upstairs to a room. Mitch isn’t looking at him, and is all curled up in his blanket, looking a bit scared. He yawns, then looking over at Morris says timidly “You got my glasses?” Morris finds them and gives Mitch the nerdy ones he had on when he first arrived in triage. Mitch puts them on then curls up again. He looks over at Sutures and asks if “that kid” is going to be okay. Morris looks over and sees Bushy and says that he’s sure he is and it looks like he’s leaving. Mitch is very meek now. He tells him that Bushy was racing Hot Wheels and that his mom was mean. Morris looks at Mitch, getting that he hasn’t met this version before. He asks “Willis?” Mitch looks at him and chuckles, saying his name is “Andre”. The Sappy Strings of Periodically Presenting Peculiar Personas plays as Mitch tells Morris that he likes Hot Wheels and he wishes that Bushy’s mom wasn’t so mean. A teary Mitch pleads with Morris not to tell his dad that he’s there, because he can be pretty mean, too. Understanding that he’s dealing with a child now, Morris reassures him that his secret is safe with him. He gently promises a frightened Mitch that he’s not going to leave and that he’s there all night, as Mitch smiles, sniffling, and says “That’s good”. Morris then pulls up a stool next to him and asks him what kind of Hot Wheels he’s got. We fade to black as Morris and Mitch bond over their mutual car collections and I’m thankful this episode has finally ended.