Wednesday, February 07, 2007

ER 13.10 Tell Me No Secrets

Previously on ER: Angela from Staff Services, who reminds me of Iman, is telling Luka and Abby that “There is no settlement” and that they’d agreed to a meeting with Curtis Ames, aka Forest Whitaker, who played Charlie Parker in Bird, as a “show of good faith” in case they went back to trial; Luka tells the cop (who used to have a pretty stubbly shaved head last year but now has a little hair so I’ve dubbed him Officer Former Buzz Cut) to take a look at the initials “C.A” on a note which reads “Thought you might be looking for this” and that came in an envelope with the stuffed toy frog that Abby and Luka tossed at each other in Parenthood and that belongs to their son, Mongo Joe Kovac, aka MoJo, who dropped it in the park and Bird picked it up; Luka says that the initials stand for “Curtis Ames” and that he thinks Bird is trying to threaten them; Walking outside of Ike Ryan’s, Abby asks Luka if he wants to talk about what’s bugging him and he says “No”; Weaver is telling her TV Producer, Courtney, who has Tina Turner hair, that she thought she was going to be doing reports on topical issues, not puff pieces on Botox and manicures; At the bar at Ike’s Abby introduces a not too pleased looking Luka to the guy sitting next to her, who’s Fred Ward, who played Remo Williams, but she doesn’t know his name and he supplies “Eddie” then asks Luka, “Are you ‘the husband’?”; Meg, played by Paula Malcolmson, who’s Trixie on Deadwood, and her daughter Sarah, who looks like she could be one of the Tanner girls from Full House so I call her Deej, walk in on Tony Gates, aka John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House, aka Uncle Ego or McEgo for his enormous real-life self-love, in bed with a mortified Neela, and I’m not sure if her mortification is due to being caught in flagrante delecto or disgust at herself for actually even considering sleeping with PETA’s number one enemy, because of the cruelty he’s committing to both the roadkill beard he’s sporting and to the viewing public; As they lie there, McEgo sort of nonchalantly introduces Trixie and Deej to a humiliated Neela; Pratt walks in on his towel-clad brother Chaz leaning over an equally half-naked guy in the bathroom; Pratt asks Weaver, the Homo Guru, if a straight guy can go through a gay phase, but she thinks it’s more likely that Chaz is gay.

Pratt, putting on his tie for work, goes into his living room and spots Chaz, hitting the books. Pratt’s pleased that Chaz is taking his education so seriously, and takes a look at what Chaz is studying. Chaz tells him that he has an Art History final today and that “we” pulled an all-nighter. Pratt questions the “we” as we hear a girl’s voice ask Chaz if he has an extra toothbrush he can borrow. Pratt looks over at the bathroom door as it opens to reveal a girl wearing just a Bears’ jersey. She says a surprised “hi” to Pratt and introduces herself as Nicole, as Pratt’s all “that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout” nodding at Chaz. Chaz introduces Pratt, who can’t stop smiling. Chaz says that Nicole is his “study partner” as Pratt’s all appreciating the “partner” part. Chaz explains that Nicole lives on campus and that it got late so she stayed over. She tells Pratt that she hopes they didn’t “make too much noise”, as he smiles and says that he didn’t hear a thing. He keeps smiling, then shares a look with Chaz, who knows exactly what he’s thinking.

McEgo is handing charts to Morris and updating him on patients as they head towards the Board. Katie the med student, who reminds me of Phoebe Cates from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, comes up and tells Ray, who is standing at Admit, that the patient in Three is ready for a transfer and asks him how she does that, as Ray glances over at McEgo and Morris at the Board. Extremely uncomfortable and backing away from her, he says that she needs to fill out a Transfer Packet, to document the reason for transfer and consent for transfer. He looks under the desk next to Dawn the new nurse, who is on the computer. He grabs something, continuing to Phoebe “… and stability for transfer” and if she doesn’t do that, it’s an EMTALA (Emergency Medical Treatment & Labor Act) violation, and a big fine. She says that she’s got it, and looks at the chart. Again glancing over at Morris before turning back to Phoebe and lowering his voice, Ray asks her, “So … we’re okay, right?” Still looking at the forms, Phoebe says “yeah” and that they look pretty self-explanatory. Ray corrects her that he meant “keeping you and me under wraps”, and ewww … thanks for the image, Ray. Not. And if I want to think of anyone “under wraps”, it’s definitely not you and Phoebe, but Luka … with me. Just saying. He leads her away from the desk saying that if word gets out that they’re dating, it could get weird around there, as she just smirks at him. He adds “… for you”. She smiles knowingly, “Oh, for me?” and shakes her head at him as Intern Hope Bobek, aka Busy Phillips, who played Kelly on Freaks and Geeks walks by saying “You two … make such a cute couple”. Ray and Phoebe unconvincingly try to protest, but Busy has walked away towards Admit already. Busy approaches Weaver, who is gathering some things from under the Desk, and starts to ask her something, but Weaver cuts her off and says that Busy needs to talk to Morris because she is due at “the station”. Busy heads over to Morris as Dawn says to Weaver “You must be excited about tonight”. McEgo walks up opening the pink pastry box next to Dawn and asking “what’s tonight?” … Mind your own business, McNosy. Dawn informs him that it’s “Dr. Weaver’s special report on the Channel 5 News” as she grabs the box away from him. Hee. You go, Dawn. McMoocher. She gives him a look as he turns away, then she dives into the box herself. Hee. I love Dawn. Sam walks up to Admit with a tall guy in royal blue scrubs. Hey, it’s Kip Pardue, who played “Sunshine” in Return of the Titans, but sporting much shorter hair than the flowing locks he had in that flick. Sam introduces Sunshine as Ben Parker, a new RN, all the way in from Savannah. Busy waves and says “Hi, Ben”, as McEgo and Morris give him the guy “what’s up?” sort of chin tilt, and everyone says “hi”. Sunshine smiles all friendly-like and says that it’s nice to meet “y’all”. Morris turns to McEgo and says under his breath “Looks like we got ourselves a ‘Southern boy’ “, and McEgo says dismissively “Yeah, a real Georgia peach”. Shut up, McAsshole! Sunshine’s had one line and I already like his ‘Georgia peach’ better than your mangy peach fuzz. Sam and her “Debbie Does Darfur” bangs warns them that since it’s Sunshine’s first shift, “let’s try not to scare him off”. The color’s a little less wet dishrag-y washed out, Sam, but those bangs and the wisps of hair around your face are just wrong. Sam tells them that she needs Sunshine to come back tomorrow, as Weaver grins at her, then over at Sunshine as she reaches into the pastry box. And in total contrast to Sam, Weaver’s hair looks great. She’s either been using her friendship with Abby and Luka to get an appointment in their Hair Salon, or else the Hairdresser and her live-in Shampoo Boy … Bitch … have been giving her and TV Tina some pointers on starting their own. Dawn, who’s still standing there downing her donut, doesn’t even look over at her as she grabs one. Hee. Guess Dawn yanked it away from McEgo because she’s afraid of catching McRabies or some other kind of infectious disease from the McOvergrowth. Timmy the Desk Clerk, who reminds me of Usher, says “Twenty says “Gentle Ben” won’t last a week”, but Dawn disagrees and gives him “five days”. As she eats her donut, Weaver chimes in “Three … and make it forty”. Hee.

Pratt comes in through the doors and “Hey, Kerry” ‘s Weaver. I know that they are both Attendings have equal status, but it still sounds weird to hear him address her by anything but “Dr. Weaver”. He asks if she’s on today and she answers “Not anymore” as she finishes off her donut and signs off on a chart. As she takes off her labcoat, Pratt asks her what he’s walking into. As she heads towards the lounge, she says that they got slammed at midnight, but they’re under control now. He catches up and walks with her, thanking her for the advice she gave him the other day, but is happy to let her know that she got it wrong this time. Weaver doesn’t know what he’s talking about, so he fills her in “as it turns out, not everyone who experiments is gay”. Weaver scowls because she still doesn’t get it and says “Excuse me?” Heading over to the lockers, he tells her that he’s talking about his brother Chaz and that it’s like he said, “It’s just a phase”. Weaver sardonically says “Is that so?” Pratt pours himself a coffee as Weaver puts her labcoat in her locker. He asks if she remembers the girl Chaz took home for Thanksgiving. She does. A smiling Pratt says that she spent the night. He’s all happy as he tells her that his brother is straight. Weaver, with her coat on and ready to leave, sarcastically responds “Gee, Greg … You must be so proud”. Hee. She slams her locker shut as Pratt backpedals that it’s not what he meant and starts fumbling to explain, then stops and says “You know what I meant”. Weaver looks back at him and says wryly, “Yeah … and you’re not my only black friend” as she exits and Pratt chuckles a little.

Close-up on an exceptionally cute, and exceptionally gooey baby-food coated, MoJo, in a white Peg Perego highchair near the dining table in Luka’s bat cave apartment, being fed. Luka, in a long-sleeved navy blue t-shirt and sitting on a chair in front of him, is trying to get the food in him but is only succeeding at getting it on him, telling him “Joe, next time try eating your apricots, not throwing them” as we see a half-full baby-food container on the chair’s tray, which is completely smeared with the slimy stuff. In the background behind Luka, Abby is getting something out of the refrigerator and glancing over at them. Luka looks at MoJo and mock-seriously admonishes “Hey … Do you think this is funny?” as MoJo looks at him, breaking out in a huge toothless, baby-food covered smile and laughs. Awww. He’s adorable. And how incredibly cute is delectable daddy dearest, apricot-smeared Luka? I like apricots, Luka. I’d be more than happy to help you clean yourself off … Just saying ... Luka’s making faces and nodding at MoJo, making him laugh, as Abby looks at some papers on the counter. Holding her coffee mug in her right hand, she asks, “So, the Budget Committee is pressuring you that much?” Luka re-adjusts a still cooing MoJo’s bib and tells him “Girls don’t like when you wear your food. Trust me”. Well, I don’t know about that Luka. I’d be just fine with you wearing edibles if we were playing Food Critic and her Dessert Tray. I’m sure you’d get a four star review … Yum … Luka finally answers Abby, “Yeah, they’re all over me about it”. Oh, I am so with you on the “being all over Luka” thing, Budget Committee. He grabs a towel and starts to clean off the tossed baby-food from his shirt. You don’t have to do that -- I’ve already volunteered to help you with the cleaning, Luka … Call me. Abby grabs the newspaper and heads over towards him at the table, asking how much the Committee wants him to cut. He wipes his hand and throws the towel down on the table as he resignedly tells her that they want him to cut an Attending. Abby’s taken aback “What???” Luka gets up from the table and raises his eyebrows saying “Yeah”. Still holding her coffee mug in her right hand, she puts her left one on her hip and tells him “That’s crazy” as he walks over to the end table and picks up a paper. He agrees, telling her that this is between “Me, you and Joe”. Abby walks up to MoJo, who is watching her, and happily and sweetly says to him, “Hey …hi”. He coos at her as she grabs some wipes to start cleaning him off. Nice, Luka. Typical guy. Make a mess and expect her to clean up after you. I expected more from you, Luka. Unless this is another game you two play – Lord of the Manor and Scullery Maid. In which case … Bitch … Abby asks Luka “What’s it like out there?” and whether it’s too cold for MoJo to go to the park today. Luka looks out through the blinds. We hear Abby saying that she can’t believe they want him to cut an Attending, as Luka spots something through the window. From Luka’s point of view, we see Bird across the street, standing next to a meter on the sidewalk behind two parked cars, staring fixedly at their apartment window as the Shocking Strains of Scary Sinister Stalkers sounds. Yikes. Spooky. We hear Abby in the background saying how ridiculous it is and asking how the Budget Committee expects them to do their jobs as Luka grits his teeth angrily, quickly turning from the window and bolts towards the apartment door. Abby looks up to see him running and questioningly says “Luka?” as he hurries up the steps. She calls out “Hey!” as he opens the door and rushes out, slamming the door behind him. She yells after him “Luka!”, looking confused, concerned, and wondering what the hell is going on.

To the continuing beat of the Dangerous Dissonant Discord of Disrupted Domestic Delight, Luka bursts out of the apartment building, looking over to where he had been Bird-watching, but Bird’s flown the coop and is no longer there. Luka anxiously looks up and down the street, trying to spot him, but there’s no sign of him. Clearly preoccupied and not thinking, a barefoot Luka starts to dash across the street. Almost too late, a startled Luka sees a bus bearing down on him, horn blaring. AAAAAAHHHHH!! Don’t pulverize The Pretty!!! Luka puts the brakes on, putting his hands out in front of him to keep from colliding completely with the bus. As it is, his hands push off the side windows of the passing bus, repelling him back so that he spins completely around, shaking his hands because I’m sure that totally stung. As I try to restart my heart, and the bus finishes passing by, Luka, with MoJo’s apricots visible on his shirt, still hasn’t learned his lesson, and continues across the street, looking around for Bird, but not paying attention to the traffic as he steps in front of a moving car. NO!!! Okay, now I am totally hyperventilating as the car swerves, and Luka jumps back, narrowly avoiding being hit. The driver beeps the horn at him and Luka holds his hands up in the supplicating “I’m sorry” gesture. Yeah, you need to apologize to me, too, Luka, for frightening the bejesus out of me. Holding his right hand to his stomach like those two close calls maybe did scare the shit out of him, Luka slightly waves apologetically with his left hand to the driver as the car continues down the street and Luka again looks over towards where Bird had been standing. He starts to go and I’m about to yell at him for once again crossing without checking for moving vehicles when he glances to his left to make sure nothing’s coming. Good thing, Luka, because I don’t have a portable defibrillator in my house. He looks down the street, and puts his hands on his hips. Breathing hard, either from his near misses or in anticipation of our food review Taste Testing later, Luka looks worriedly around, chewing on his lips as we move to funky Opening Montage.

After commercial, and my giving myself CPR, Luka and Abby are entering the Ambulance Bay from the direction of the El. I must say that Abby’s wardrobe really has improved since she’s taken up residence in Luka’s Bat Cave … Bitch … She’s wearing her hair in an updo and I’m liking her cream colored ¾ length wool coat, scarf, and brown leather bag ensemble. And it looks like she’s wearing some knee-high suede boots with a nice little heel there, too. Being as we can see all of the boots, Abby must be wearing a skirt as well, which is not something we see her in often … if ever ... Well, aren’t we just becoming the little fashion-plate, Abby. Sure beats the looks-like-you-just-rummaged-through-Luka’s-closet maternity wear that we saw you in last year. What are you taking a break from playing Hairdresser and her Shampoo Boy in the Hair Salon to try Fashionista and her Personal Stylist? … Bitch … Since you’ve got the skirt on, guess you’re planning on wearing those boots all day. That’s probably not such a good idea, Abby, because long hours combined with those hospital floors are just an aching foot waiting to happen. Don’t you think there’s a reason nurses, and Neela judging by the bitchy Winona Ryder-lookalike chick’s comments in Nobody’s Baby, wear those comfort clog things? Don’t say I didn’t warn you … Luka’s got his right hand on her back as they walk … Bitch … but removes it and puts it in his pocket when she asks him “What is up with you today?” and says that he’s acting so weird, running out of the house without any shoes on and without a jacket. He lies, gesturing widely with his left hand and trying to explain that he saw a tow truck and he thought his car was parked on the wrong side of the street. Abby grins and snarks “They don’t have alternate side of the street parking in Croatia?” Hee. Maybe you should get one of these signs, Luka. And are you really going to still keep this all from her??? Especially with Bird knowing where you live? Oh yeah, that’s such a good idea. There’s that cute but clueless thing happening again … They’re walking towards the ambulance that had pulled in ahead of them as we see Officer Former Buzz Cut get out of his squad car and jogs over. McEgo has climbed into the rig and Olbes the Paramedic is giving the bullet. The patient is Danielle Davis, 13 years old, unresponsive with heavy vaginal bleeding and her BP is 190/60, in the field up with a liter. McEgo asks Officer FBC what happened and he responds that a passerby found her on the front steps of her school, as Abby and Luka look on. McEgo rubs Danielle’s sternum and asks her to open her eyes, but she’s not responding. Luka asks “What is it?” and McEgo says that it’s syncope, which is temporary loss of consciousness, head trauma with vag bleed. Abby moves quickly towards the ER doors saying that it could be an ectopic pregnancy and Danielle’s bleeding out, and says that she’ll clear a room as they unload Danielle’s gurney. As they push the gurney, Luka tells Danielle to hang on and that they are going to take good care of her.

Ray and Phoebe are in the Curtain Area, treating a patient with a knee problem. Ray’s withdrawing something from the knee. He tells Knee Guy that he might have torn a ligament and it looks like a case of “Boomeritis”, which tells me refers to “Injuries to older amateur athletes, especially those who are part of the Baby Boom, born when there was a marked rise in the birthrate following the end of World War II in 1945”. Because Knee Guy obviously doesn’t get Ray’s disrespectful and sarcastic wit, which is understandable because “witty” is not what one usually associates with Ray, he thinks that sounds bad. Ray puts the syringe into a red container that Phoebe, with her purple rubber gloves, is holding. So are they like certain other rubber products and come in a rainbow of colors, textures and flavors, too? Ray tells Knee Guy that he should warm up before working out and that he might want to take up swimming or bike riding instead. Bike riding? With a bum knee? Oh, yeah, Ray … that sounds painless … Schmuck … Ray tells Phoebe that Knee Guy is going to need a knee immobilizer, crutches and Vicadin. As he walks past Phoebe, she smiles and asks him sotto voce “Boomeritis? Did you come up with that?” and he grins and “Uh huh” ‘s her. Um, Ray … hate to tell you this, but considering the fact that it’s on, Google’s got like 100,000 references to it, and there’s even a novel with that title, I’m highly doubting that you coined the phrase. Please don’t make me call you McPlagiarist in front of your girlfriend. Ray walks over to Morris and hands him the chart, saying that he needs it signed off. As Morris signs it, he asks how Phoebe’s working out. Ray and I are both all “Who?” – me because I forgot that’s Phoebe’s name and Ray because he’s, not convincingly, trying to be all nonchalant. Alright … what the hell is with Ray’s facial hair? He’s sporting just a barely noticeable soul patch under his lip, which is making the hair above his lip in perilous proximity to preposterous pornstache proportions. Not flattering. And my mom thinks you’re really cute, Ray ... I won’t even go into what she thinks about Luka … or McEgo … though suffice it to say, I’ve never been more proud to call myself her daughter … So if you want to titillate a smitten sexagenarian, forego the fur. As they walk towards Admit, Morris says “Katie” again, and then asks Ray if he isn’t supervising her. Ray protests that he’s not. At the Desk, Morris turns around and looks over at Phoebe and asks if it’s him or “do the med students keep getting younger every year” and asks if Phoebe is like 24. Trying to be cool, Ray says he doesn’t know, then adds that he never noticed how “hot” she is. Morris is all “What?” and Ray says “What?” back and Morris tells him that he didn’t say anything about Phoebe being “hot”. He starts to says that “she is hot” and Ray sort of shrugs like “Eh, well” and goes over to the computer as Sam and Sunshine walk up. Sam shows him the radio and says that he has to be certified as an MICN, which stands for Mobile Intensive Care Nurse, in order to take calls, but in the meantime he can use it to do a “status check”. Ray asks Sam if he can get an ortho work up for Knee Guy and Sam says that she’ll take care of it and takes the chart from him. He thanks her and Sam and Sunshine start to walk away. She tells him that there’s a new course starting next month and she’ll get him the details, and Sunshine looks all earnestly interested and tells her that it sounds great and thanks her.

Pratt walks up to the Desk and asks Dawn if his white count is back on his gallstone guy in Curtain Three. Dawn replies it’s 10.8 and Pratt says that he needs another four of morphine and hands her the chart. Busy walks by and Pratt wants to talk to her about her patients, the newlyweds with the flu symptoms. Looking at her like the nutjob that she apparently is, Pratt asks why she prescribed “long walks holding hands and romantic dinners”. She replies that she sensed tension in their young marriage and that when we’re tense or stressed it weakens the immune system, and “which, as you know, limits our body’s ability to fight off infections and viruses”. Pratt looks away disgustedly and Busy realizes she needs to explain more so she sighs, then says that she felt that if they carved out more time for one another they could strengthen their marriage, as Pratt puts his head in his hand and watches her warily. She continues that it could quicken their recovery and prevent further illnesses. Pratt starts to tell her that she can’t do that when we hear a voice say “Bitch, it’s mine … and I want it”. Is Abby around? ‘Cause that sounds exactly like what I say to her on a constant basis … Bitch … Pratt and Busy turn to see a seemingly intoxicated guy swaying towards them from the hallway. As Busy turns around and rolls her eyes, Tox Guy continues his uncanny impression of me, “C’mon now … you stole it … and I want it back … NOW ...”, as we see Sam and Sunshine in the hallway, standing and talking. Pratt tells Tox Guy that he’s going to have to calm down. Busy tells Pratt that Tox Guy has been acting up since he got there. Ray comes up and asks Tox Guy what he’s missing. Tox Guy says that when he came in there he had a 5 carat ring in his pocket and now it’s gone as Ray just smirks with a “Sure you did, asshole” expression. Tox Guy says “And this bitch stole it!” and grabs Busy by the ponytail, yanking her head back. Busy screams as Tox Guy moves back, taking her with him. Pratt and Ray start to react and move towards him, but Sunshine is faster, rushing over and coming up behind Tox Guy, putting him in a choke hold and pulling him off Busy. He drags him off saying “Shut your piehole and come with me”. Sam, Dawn, Ray and Pratt surround Busy and Pratt asks her if she’s okay and she says she is and “Thank goodness for Ben”. In the hallway, Tox Guy breaks away from Sunshine, but only for a moment before Sunshine is able to restrain him with the chokehold again, dragging him off. Sam’s all impressed, saying that Sunshine really took charge, and Dawn “uh huh’s” her with “You can say that again”. Pratt tells everyone to break it up and get back to work, and that it’s not a big deal. Sam, Dawn and Busy disperse, leaving Pratt and Ray to scratch their heads and try to find their balls, as Pratt says “I think we just got shown up by a murse”. Ray’s all “huh?” and Pratt explains “male nurse”. Ray thinks that’s bad. Well, don’t feel too bad, Ray …I mean, Murses even have their own action figure after all … Morris comes up behind them, staring open-mouthed after and saying “he’s pretty macho though, huh?” Pratt and Ray both turn to stare at Morris, probably because they’re concerned that with his complexion he’s going to need some major gazillion SPF sunblock to counterbalance this Sunshine worship.

McEgo is shining a light in Danielle’s eyes, saying that the pupils are 4 mm and reactive. Luka, examining her, says that she has contusions and lacerations to the labia. As he orders CBC, coags, and to type and cross, he pulls off his pretty bloodied gloves. Yikes. There’s a screen across the doorway to provide some privacy for Danielle and Luka calls to Officer FBC that Danielle was assaulted. Haleh tells Luka that the pregnancy test is negative and Luka says they need to get her to CT to rule out brain injury. Luka looks in a still unconscious Danielle’s ears as Haleh tells him that she’ll check on CT and notify OB. McEgo says that the c-spine is clear. From behind the curtain, Officer FBC wants to know when Danielle is going to be able to talk, but Luka doesn’t know. A random nurse removes the screen and Officer FBC tells Luka that Danielle’s clothes need to be inventoried. Luka tells McEgo to use Dermabond to fix the forehead lac as they roll Danielle to remove the neck brace and backboard. McEgo thinks she probably hit her head on the school steps. Haleh calls out that the scanner will be ready in 20 minutes. McEgo continues that Danielle was probably trying to run away from whoever did this to her. Luka tells Haleh that twenty minutes is not good enough. Dawn comes in to tell McEgo that Surgery is here for his belly pain consult. If you’re having stomach pains, why don’t you try taking Tums or Pepto Bismol first, McEgo. Or is it just an excuse to get Neela down here to lay her healing hands on you? Oh, yuck … I just totally skeeved myself out with that image … Shudders … McEgo dismisses Dawn with an condescending “I’ll get there when I can”. Luka tells him that they’re okay there and to go. McEgo shoots a look at Luka before heading out. Luka takes the phone from Haleh to try to speed up CT. Covering the mouthpiece, he tells her to put Danielle on a portable monitor, and Officer FBC leaves to go “call this in”. Luka tells CT that he’s got an unconscious kid down here, then, all attractively authoritative, orders them to “clear the scanner” … I love deliciously domineering Luka … Yum … And Luka’s Mood Ring, aka his monochromatic tie and dark grey shirt color combo, tells me that the Bird-sighting earlier isn’t sitting too well with him. Usher comes in saying to Luka that there’s a lady outside from Danielle’s school. Luka says testily into the phone “Okay … Okay!” then hangs up. As he heads out to the hall he tells Usher that they’re going to need an evidence bag. The uptight white chick with the huge shoulder padded coat in the hallway tells Luka that she’s the Vice Principal at Lakeside Academy and asks how Danielle is. Luka says that she’s not very well right now. Vice Principal Shoulder Pads looks into Trauma Yellow and sees Danielle, all bloodied and unconscious, and “Oh my God” ‘s it. Leading her a little further into the hallway and shutting the Trauma Room door behind him, Luka asks Vice Principal Shoulder Pads if she knows what happened, but she says that no one saw anything and that they’ve never had anything like this at Lakeside. Luka asks if Danielle’s parents have been notified. Vice Principal Shoulder Pads says that the school nurse called but had to leave messages. Luka says that they need to be here and Vice Principal Shoulder Pads tells him that Danielle’s mother is there and that she works at County. Luka asks her name and Vice Principal Shoulder Pads tells him “Gilliam … Angela Gilliam”. Uh oh. A stunned Luka stares at her in reaction to hearing Iman’s name.

A pissy Neela, examining a male patient in an Exam Room, wants to know what makes McEgo think it’s a small bowel obstruction. Looking at an x-ray, he says that the guy has abdominal pain, distention, no bowel movement for three days, then adds a sarcastic “ouch”. Neela rips off her gloves and says that there is no history of abdominal surgery, no adhesions and too young for something or other that I didn’t catch, and really don’t care about anyway. He’s holding the x-ray for her to read and she snippily says “Upright”. McEgo turns around, snaps the x-ray pointedly, then holds it up in front of Neela with his right hand as he circles his other arm around her, then grabs the x-ray so that he is surrounding her, leaning in. He asks if that’s better. He’s trying to be all flirty and chummy, but he’s really just dirty … and scummy. Neela thinks so too as she quickly glances at the x-ray, she says there are no dilated loops and pushes away from him saying that it’s not consistent with obstruction. Neela walks to the other side of the bed, obviously avoiding him and trying to put distance between them, and I am so with you on that, Neela, because I’d recoil from the roadkill, too. McEgo says that sometimes things aren’t always the way they seem. Neela’s not looking at him and he starts in “Listen, about the other night …” and she cuts him off “Stop”. He tells her that he told Trixie that it’s over. Neela bitches at him that it might be for him but that “any idiot” could see from the look on her face that it’s not over for her. McEgo looks down because he doesn’t know what to say to this since it’s impossible for him to consider himself as just “any” old anything … Don’t sell yourself short, McEgo, you’re a tremendous idiot … McMoron … Neela looks at the patient and says it’s an ileus and that the “bowel’s asleep”. I really don’t want to know what happens when it wakes up … Ugh … Neela says that it doesn’t help that the patient’s been popping Vicadin four times a day. She tells McEgo to just give him a laxative and “wait for him to poop”. Nice. Is that correct medical terminology, Neela? I mean, I know that Everyone Poops and all, but still, shouldn’t you be all surgical jargon-ing? I mean, come on, just because McEgo is on the show now, do you really have to dumb down everything, ER? Neela hands him the chart and then kind of nastily says “That’s ileus …”, then proceeds in the same tone to spell it out for him, before walking out all huffy. Ooh … I know we found out he’s dyslexic, so that was purposely harsh, Neela … Love it … McEgo just stands there looking after her, probably in shock because she didn’t bow down in worship of his scruffy wonderfulness …

Luka is in front of the elevators, pacing like a rat in one of those educational films about cocaine abuse, and rubbing his mouth anxiously. I can think of better things for you to rub, Luka … Just saying … Elevator doors open and Iman strides out, saying that she was pulled out of a staff meeting and wants to know what the emergency is. Luka doesn’t quite know how to tell her, so he starts “There’s a patient in Trauma One”. Iman is all perkily, “Okay, lets’ go” and starts walking over. Of course she’s in a good mood and wasn’t all pissy with him for taking her from her meeting, because it’s much more dramatic to crush her when she’s happy. She asks him why they couldn’t discuss this on the phone and he starts to stutter that they don’t know what happened and that they found her outside of the school, as he stops and steps in front of her before she gets to the doors of Trauma Yellow, obviously wanting to try to prepare her for what comes next. Iman wants to know what’s going on. We see Officer FBC and another cop in front of the doors. Luka tries to explain that they think she was sexually assaulted and Iman’s all confused and wants to know who. Haleh opens the door and calls over to Luka, he turns towards her, then back to Iman. Luka hesitates a bit because, really, how do you tell something like this to a mother? Sort of ringing his hands, Luka levels with Iman that it’s Danielle. Iman is shocked and looks past him to see bruised and bloody Danielle lying on the gurney. She hurries into the room and Luka follows. Iman starts crying “My baby … my sweet baby girl” as she leans over Danielle. Oh, this is sad. Luka stands with his hands on his hips and his mouth grimly set as he gravely watches Iman weeping as she embraces her daughter.

After commercial, papers are being swept up in the hallway as we hear Abby saying “Okay, Trudy …” and see her suede tall boots and knee-length skirt come around the corner walking next to a pair of slouch-boots attached to bare legs and a denim Bedazzled mini-skirt. They really are making a point of showing us that Abby’s wearing a skirt this ep. How’re the feet holding up in those boots, Abby? As the camera pans up, Abby is asking Slouch Boots to explain to her “how this happened”. Next to in vogue Abby, Slouch Boots is looking kind of skank-esque with her tiger-striped camisole under her tan cropped jacket. They head to the Curtain Area and Abby guides Slouch Boots to a bed. Slouch Boots says that her boyfriend “Wes” is always talking on his cell but when she asks who he’s calling or who he’s talking to, he gets all secretive on her. A random nurse hands Abby a chart and walks away. Abby looks at the chart as Slouch Boots asks “Does your old man do that to you?” Abby says “No … my old man’s pretty cool” … Hee … He so is – both hot and cool… Bitch … Slouch Boots then Napoleon Dynamite’s her “Luck-y”. Abby’s examining Slouch Boots’ belly. Slouch Boots says that she and Wes were in bed and his cell rang, so she rolled over and grabbed it before he could. Abby looks at her and Slouch Boot says “Pretty smart, huh?” Abby raises her eyebrows, smirks and says sarcastically “Very smart”. Slouch Boots continues that Wes got all mad and starts chasing it around the room and she sees that it’s “Debbie” calling and asks him who the hell “Debbie” is. She says that Wes told her that it’s “none of her damn business”. Abby looks up and pointing at her says “And that’s when you decided to swallow his cell phone” and Slouch Boots nods. Oh, for the love of God. Skanky and stupid is no way to go through life, Slouch Boots. Just ask Sam. Grinning sardonically, Abby says “Okay …” and starts writing on the chart, telling Slouch Boots that she’s going to order an x-ray and they’ll find out whether they can pull it out here in the ER, and if not, she’ll need surgery. Slouch Boots says that it’s one of those real tiny ones and that she can stick her finger down her throat to try to “barf it up”. Abby tilts her head and looks at her, about to say something when Sam calls over and asks if she has a sec. Abby tells Slouch Boots to “hold that thought” as she heads over to where Sam and Sunshine are standing. Sam introduces Sunshine to Abby and they shake hands. Sunshine asks Abby if she’s the nurse who became a doctor and Abby crosses her arms and ducks her head saying almost sort of embarrassed, “guilty as charged”. Sunshine asks her if she was “seduced by the dark side” and Abby shrugs her shoulders, grins and says that she uses her powers for good, not evil. Sam tells Sunshine that Abby’s an R3 now and Sunshine, kind of impressed, raises his eyebrows at that. Abby smiles and tells him it was nice to meet him and heads back over to Slouch Boots. Sam calls after her that she forgot, and points to Triage, telling Abby that there’s an “asthmatic” over there asking for her. Abby looks over and spots Remo, who smiles and waves at her. Furrowing her brow quizzically, Abby waves back and says “hi”. She turns to Slouch Boots and says that she’ll be back when GI gets there. Just then a cell phone rings to the tune of “Scotland the Brave”. Slouch Boots holds up her finger like “Aha!” Abby asks “What is it?” and Slouch Boots says “Do you hear that?”, then looking down at her stomach says “It’s probably that stupid bitch, Debbie, calling”. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head as the ringing continues. Abby stares at her a second with a “Well, okay then” expression, then turns and walks away towards Remo. Hee. That was funny the way she did that.

In an Exam Room, Abby listens to Remo’s lungs as he sucks on an inhaler. She says that he sounds pretty wheezy, but he tells her that it’s been worse. She wants to know how long he’s been off his medication and he’s being all cavalier about it responding cheekily “Since my prescription ran out”. Abby frowns, not liking what she hearing in his chest as Sam asks him when that was. Abby orders 60 of prednisone. Sounding a little aggravated, Remo asks “You giving me steroids?” Abby goes to put her stethoscope around her neck and she must have accidentally knocked Sam’s clipboard because she answers Remo “Yes” then says “ooh, sorry” to Sam. She tells Remo that she’s only giving them to him for five days to knock down the inflammation as she feels his neck for swelling. She admonishes him a bit “And something tells me that, uh, you didn’t get your flu shot”. He just grins and shrugs, and Sam tells Abby that she’ll add that to the order. As she takes off her gloves, Abby asks Remo “How’s your buddy?” He just looks at her like he has no idea what she’s talking about. Uh oh. I’m really starting to get a bad feeling about Remo … Responding to his blank look, Abby says “You know … your friend here? … At County? … You were going to visit him?” That seems to trigger something for Remo and he’s says “Oh … better” … then a little more assuredly, grins before going to suck on the albuterol again and says “He’s doing better”. Abby thinks that’s good, then tells him that he’d be doing better if he quit smoking. Remo sort of wags his head a little and sarcastically responds “Killjoy”. Abby grins at him then looks back at the chart. He asks her if she ever smoked. Still looking at the chart, she says that she did, but she gave it up. He asks her knowingly “Miss it?” We see the door behind her open as she rolls her head back, sighs, then looks at him and sort of smirks as he smiles and starts chuckling. He looks over and spots whoever just came in and says all friendly “Hey … you work here, too” as Abby turns around to see Luka standing in the doorway. Remo says “small world” as Luka says distractedly “Yeah … hi” then says to Abby, “Can I talk to you?” and gesturing with his right hand, tells her that he needs her in Trauma One. He raises his eyebrows at her and quietly adds “Now”. Abby says “sure” and starts to head out. She asks Sam to get a chest x-ray, p.a. and lateral. She tells Remo as she’s in the doorway with Luka “…and I’ll be back”.

As Luka closes the door behind them, he tells Abby that he needs her to do a rape exam on the girl that was brought in this morning, then fills her in that it’s Iman’s daughter. Abby’s surprised and says “Oh, God” and asks how Iman is doing. Luka says that she’s keeping it together, just barely. Walking off towards Trauma, Abby tells him that she’ll find him when she’s done. Abby walks past Officer FBC, who’s talking and flirting with Dawn outside the Trauma Room. Luka calls over to him and asks if he has a minute. Officer FBC is all smiles as he approaches Luka and calls back to Dawn that maybe they can get some coffee some time. Luka asks Officer FBC if they can talk outside and he says “sure” as they head down the hall. Walking past Dawn at the Nurses Station, Officer FBC asks her “Whaddya think?” and she smiles back at him “Maybe” as we hear a woman’s annoyed voice saying “Don’t tell me I don’t have it. I’ve read all about it”. We see Pratt over in the Curtain Area next to a bespectacled woman’s bed. Pratt’s exasperated and starts telling her “Well, then you should know that there are no know cases of avian flu in the U.S. Camera pulls around to show McEgo standing on the other side of the bed, wearing that stupid purse-lipped expression that he wears that I guess is his approximation of a smirk. Either that or the roadkill is infested and really itchy. Annoyed Woman thinks that maybe she’s the first and demands that they give her Tami-flu. Pratt chuckles incredulously. McEgo tells her that she has no flu-like symptoms, no fever, no cough, but Annoyed Woman says that she’s been in direct contact with “questionable poultry”. “Questionable poultry”? What? Was she playing Chicken Jeopardy or something? Pratt tells her that she cannot contract avian flu from eating “takeout chicken chow mein”. She wants to know what caused her diarrhea then? Oh, for the love of God, are excremental expulsions the theme of this episode? And is there some symbolic reason why McEgo is involved in each instance? Hmmm … Curious … McEgo says that it could be a stomach virus, or food poisoning. Pratt tells her that avian flu does not cause diarrhea. Annoyed Woman, who is actually more Annoy-ing than she is Annoy-ed, thinks that viruses mutate and it happens all the time. Pratt’s had enough and gives some orders to Dawn and then tells her to dispo Annoyed before she convinces him that “they all have it”. As she walks past, Dawn calls over to Phoebe, who is sewing up some guy’s side, “Nice work” and Phoebe looks up at Ray, who’s on the other side of the bed, and says that she has a good teacher. Dawn wants to know how long they’ve been dating. Ray corrects her that they’re not dating. Yeah, even the patient doesn’t believe you, Ray, as Some Guy chimes in, questioning “You’re not?” Hee. A skeptical Dawn smirks “Mm … my bad” as Phoebe give Ray a “you know you’re not fooling anyone, don’t you?” look.

Haleh sets up an instrument tray, then tells Abby that it’s all ready as we see Iman standing next to an awake Danielle’s bed, holding her hand. Abby thanks Haleh, puts on a pair of gloves, then sits down on the stool at the foot of Danielle’s gurney and starts to break down for her what is going to happen as we hear the Manifestly Melancholy Melody of Manhandled Minors play. Abby gently tells Danielle that they’re going to put her feet in the stirrups and then she’s going to examine her inside with the speculum, as Danielle listens impassively and Iman strokes her head. As Abby says what happens when the speculum is in, Danielle starts to get a little teary and looks away. Abby is being very compassionate and soothing as she explains the procedure step by step to Danielle, and then asks her “Okay?” Danielle nods slightly, and Abby gives her a reassuring grin and says “Okay” and they get started. Abby asks Danielle to do the old “scooch down” towards the end of the exam table that seems to be every doctor’s standard command before starting a gynie exam. That and then the “I’ll be right back” after they get you all positioned in the stirrups, lettin’ it all hang out … and then they leave the door open so that inevitably some guy you went to high school with of course just happens to be passing by and spots you, stops and then is all “Hey, I thought that was you!” … um, well … anyway … Abby again gives Danielle a reassuring grin, places her feet in the stirrups and starts the exam as Danielle takes a deep breath and blows it out.

Sam is hanging an IV for a patient parked in the hallway when Ray comes up and asks her why she blabbed about Phoebe and him when he asked her not to. As they walk down the hall, Sam asks him what he’s talking about. He complains that everybody knows, even the patients. Sam swears that she didn’t say anything. Ray gives her a “sure you didn’t” look as we hear someone hocking a loogie, then see a slew of spit hit mid-chest on Ray’s shirt. Sam, Ray and I all react like “Eww … what the hell”. Ray bitches that he liked this shirt as we see Tox Guy sitting on a gurney across the hall, hands tied to the rails. He tells Ray “that’s a fag shirt”. Though some of the stuff Ray has worn to work under the pretense of “appropriate work attire” could only have been improved by being splattered with a wad of phlegm, the one he’s got on is actually pretty plain and toned-down and not at all faggy, Tox Guy. Ray tells Tox Guy to cut it out, but he’s already arming himself for his next lob of gob. As Ray tells him “There’s no spitting in the …” Tox Guy lets another one fly. Sam yells “Incoming!” and she and Ray duck behind a cart to miss getting pelted. Ray says that they’ve got to get a mask on this guy, as we hear the lovely sound of Tox snorting for another round, which of course we get to see. Ugh. This is just gross. From the safe haven behind the cart, Sam yells down the hall to Sunshine that his “friend” is acting up again. Sunshine says he sees that, then hightails it down the other hallway, out of the line of fire. Nice, Sunshine. Way to help a “damsel in distress”. Though since it’s Sam, I guess it’s more of a damned hellish pissed mess … Morris rushes down the hall to try to get to the safety of Sam’s and Ray’s saliva shelter and avoid getting spritzed by the slobber. Sam tells him to help her find a mask as Sunshine comes up behind Tox Guy, holding a neck brace. He says that he’s seen guys like this bite through masks before as he clamps the brace across Tox Guy’s mouth, like a muzzle, effectively eliminating the expectorating. Sam, Ray and Morris step out of their booger bunker. Sam’s smiling, again all impressed and I’m thinking this murse is going to be feeling the Sunshine of her love … Wonder what their shipper name would be … Samshine? … Ray wants to know where Sunshine learned that and he modestly says that it’s just a little parlor trick that he picked up at Savannah General, as Tox Guy eyes him unhappily behind his Hannibal Lechter mask. Sam says she hasn’t seen that one before as she and Morris approach Tox Guy, who is unsuccessfully trying to get himself lose. Morris gets in his face and asks if he can get him “some fava beans and a nice Chianti” … Hee … Tox Guy’s obviously not an Anthony Hopkins fan because he really thought Nick Nolte should have won for Prince of Tides that year, and tries to lunge for Morris, but can’t because he’s pretty securely restrained. Morris starts laughing at him as Busy calls over to him that she needs him to see her patient in Curtain One.

As they walk, Morris asks her what the problem is and she says that the guy is complaining of a migraine and starts to say “but” when Morris interrupts her and asks if she would “drive a Lamborghini to a Laundromat”, “hitch Seabiscuit to a plow” or have “Eddie Van Halen play air guitar”? Well, considering Eddie’s been doing songs for the soundtracks of porn movies these days, I’d think he might welcome any chance to play guitar … real or imaginary. He then says that he’s “Dr. Archie Morris … I don’t ‘do’ migraines”. No, you just give them … Asshole … Busy says “I think it’s more than that” and pulls back the curtain to reveal a guy, who looks like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, just sitting there on the bed … with an ice pick sticking out of his right ear. Um, okay … and … Yikes … Booger picking … Hee … Morris looks over at Booger, who just smiles at him, then turns back to Busy and deadpans “You think?” Hee.

Out in the Ambulance Bay, where it’s starting to flurry, Luka is telling Officer Former Buzz Cut that he doesn’t want a restraining order, he wants Bird arrested. Officer FBC knows that Luka is frustrated. Frustrated? Well, that would explain why Luka’s hair is kind of slicked down on his head … I guess the Salon is closed … Bitch … I’m available if you’re in need of a good blow-dry, Luka … Just saying … Officer FBC tells Luka that Bird hasn’t done anything illegal. Luka doesn’t like that answer, and comes back, “What? So he has to hurt my family before anyone will listen?” Oh, no. I can’t take anymore “MoJo in peril” storylines, ER. Officer FBC thinks Luka shouldn’t worry about Bird, because he’s just some poor sucker working a crappy job. Hey, I didn’t know Bird worked with me … Huh … How ‘bout that … He thinks that if Luka pursues this, he just might piss Bird off for real. Over Officer FBC’s shoulder, we see Abby exiting the hospital doors, arms crossed, hugging herself because it’s cold. Luka doesn’t seem cold to me … Just hot … Very hot … Bitch … Luka heatedly spits out, “Piss Ames off?!?!” Officer FBC thinks that Luka should do himself a favor. Now I know you’re frustrated, Luka, but really, you don’t have to resort to that – I already told you I’d be more than willing to help you out … Just saying. Abby’s approaching them, and she best not be coming to tell Luka that the Salon is open … Bitch … Officer FBC thinks Luka should just forget about Bird because “he’s already forgotten about you”. Oh yeah, FBC. Bird has so totally forgotten all about Luka. He just happened to be in Luka’s neighborhood this morning … staring at his apartment … with creepy music playing … No wonder Luka’s not satisfied … Officer Former Brain Cell … Idiot. Luka sighs. They both turn towards Abby as she walks up, trying to look like they weren’t just in the middle of something. Luka says “hey” to her and she “hey” ‘s him back. Looking questioningly at Luka, who is looking down, avoiding her gaze, she addresses Officer FBC, telling him that the rape exam results on Danielle are sealed and waiting for his signature and he just needs to see Haleh, as Luka discontentedly rubs his eyes, then his mouth. Officer FBC thanks her then walks away, tossing a “See you later, Doc” over his shoulder to Luka as he goes. Abby looks worriedly at Luka and asks him if he’s okay. He tries to blow it off with a quick “yeah” and nod, though Abby doesn’t really look like she’s believing him. Luka changes the subject and asks her if she’s sent Danielle’s cultures to the lab. Abby’s like “yeah” in an “of course I did” tone, apparently not buying that everything’s fine. She tells him that she told them to rush it as he sort of nods and starts heading back in towards the ER, telling her that he’s “Gotta get back in”, then walks off ahead of her. Abby looks after him quizzically, knowing something’s up, before finally following him. It’s obvious that Luka is avoiding her, not wanting to tell her what’s going on, trying to protect her. But, duh, Luka … it’s not working. The shutting out thing might have worked in a totally weird, dysfunctional way in the first go-round between you two, when you were both into playing the stonewall thing as CIA Operative and her Enigma Machine … but, c’mon …you two are way past that now. You know she knows you well enough to feel when something’s wrong, and all you’re doing right now is making her wonder. And believe me, as someone with an overly active imagination as far as you are concerned, unless you’ve got a black leather fetish, a penchant for long black trench coats, and are into taking the red pill and wanting her to show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes, you really shouldn’t be feeding into any kind of fantasy thinking, Neo.

Through the window in Trauma Green, we see Luka enter Trauma Yellow. Haleh tells him that Danielle’s still pretty aggravated and he tells her to try a mg of Ativan. Camera follows Iman’s entourage as they cross into Trauma Green. A bald detective-type guy is asking her if Danielle is dating anyone. Iman’s all incredulous, answering “She’s thirteen” in a “for chrissakes” tone. Standing beside her is a guy in a suit, with an overcoat draped over his arm. He must be Mr. Iman, though I really don’t remember David Bowie being that tall … or bald … or black … A Female Detective tells Iman that she’d be surprised how young they start these days, as I start surfing the Net for remotely located convent boarding schools for my twins … Luka walks in and Iman introduces him to her husband. After asking for an autograph and a quick rendition of “Golden Years” … go-o-old whop whop whop … Luka shakes his hand and says “hi”. Bowie asks if Danielle was raped. Luka tells them that the initial results were negative for the presence of sperm, as Iman breathes a little sigh of relief, and thanks God. Bowie can tell that there’s something else Luka hasn’t told them. Throwing a quick glance towards Trauma Yellow, and wishing he didn’t have to tell them this, Luka says that it looks like Danielle was assaulted with a sharp object. Iman and Bowie stare at him, getting more visibly shaken as he continues that she was cut and penetrated repeatedly with a razor blade. Oh my God. How horrifying. As Iman tries to process this, she asks what kind of monster would do this. Luka tells her quietly and heartfelt, “I’m so sorry”. Bald Detective asks Iman and Bowie which one of them saw Danielle last this morning. Iman says that she usually drives Danielle to school, but she had an early meeting so Bowie took her. Oh no … Bald Detective wants to know what time that was and Bowie says it was about 7:15. Female Detective asks if anyone saw him drop Danielle off, but he doesn’t know. She asks him what time he got to work. Luka wants to know if they really need to do this right now. Bowie wants to know how what time he got to work is important. Bald Detective puts a hand on his arm and says “Mr. Gilliam … let’s step outside”. Looking pissed, Bowie says that these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations, they’re quite aware of what they’re going through … and that he’s staying right there with his stepdaughter. An angry Iman tells the detectives that some lunatic has cut up their daughter and they, the police, are treating her husband like a suspect. Luka looks over to see Danielle and Haleh watching this exchange. Danielle calls over to Iman and wants to know what’s going on. Luka takes charge and tells the detectives “That’s enough” and for everyone to go outside. He tells Bald Detective that he knows they have a job to do, but he can’t have them upsetting his patients. Bald Detective says that it wasn’t their intent as he exits into the hallway. Luka stops Bowie. Damn, Bowie’s actually taller than Luka. Must be a welcome change for Goran Visnjic being eye-to-eye with someone and not having to worry about getting a crick in his neck, considering he’s had most of his scenes over the past year with Maura Tierney, who’s like more than a foot shorter than he is. Luka tells him that the police want to catch whoever did this to Danielle as much as he does. Bowie answers “Of course, but …” as Luka interrupts and tells him to just go answer their questions and then he can rejoin his family. Luka adds “please” and Bowie agrees and walks over to where the cops are standing in the hallway. Having sorted that out, Luka returns to Trauma Yellow, where Iman is telling Danielle that everything’s going to be okay. Iman wants Danielle to talk to her, and asks if she knows who hurt her. Luka watches as Danielle first slightly shakes her head, but then adds “Yes”. Uh oh. This makes Haleh turn around and look over at her as the Suspenseful Strings of Supremely Sick Schoolgirl Slashers starts. Iman wants Danielle to tell her. Danielle says that she can’t, and that Iman will be mad. Oh, please, please don’t tell me Bowie was jazzin’ for blue jean … Danielle looks over at Iman, but keeps silent as Haleh and Luka really wish they had taken today off …

After commercial, Morris, Pratt, Busy and McEgo are checking out Booger’s x-ray. Morris says that his head hurts just looking at it. Busy is totally fascinated and wants to know how Booger got it in so deep without hitting any vital structures. Looking at it like he can’t believe it, Pratt chimes in that Booger managed to stay outside the brain, missed the internal carotid, optic nerve and pituitary, as we see the shot of a skull x-ray, with the ice pick in a straight line from the ear past the nose. McEgo thinks Booger’s a lucky bastard. Ray comes up because he heard they had a “cool case”, with Phoebe right behind him. They look at the x-ray and Ray asks “Is that a …” and everyone in unison answers “ice pick”. Phoebe wants to know what makes someone shove an ice pick in his ear. All hip, McEgo quips, “Ran out of Q-tips?” … McDrip … Morris thinks maybe he was hearing voices and wanted them to shut up, as he takes the x-ray down and they all head off. Walking over to look at Booger through the Trauma Green doors, Phoebe wonders why he didn’t try pulling it out himself. Busy explains that Booger felt the demons in his head would get loose if he did. She asks Morris if this is an ER case. Looking the x-ray, McEgo’s two cents thinks it’s for Neurosurgery, but Ray’s disagrees and thinks “ENT”. Morris thinks it’s definitely for Psych. You must have a mental block yourself about the competency of County’s Psych department if you believe they’d actually be the ones removing a patient’s ice pick rather than the being the impetus to insert it in the first place, Morris. Pratt thinks they should page all of them and let them fight it out. Pratt starts walking away and Morris wants to know where he’s going, and asks if he doesn’t want in on this one. Pratt tells them that he’s leaving it all in their “capable hands”. What??? Oh, Booger. You are so fucked.

As Pratt walks away he almost gets sideswiped by a cart being pushed by an orderly. He steps out of the way, and turns when he hears a voice say “Nice move, for an old dude”. He laughs and hurries over as he spots Chaz heading towards him. They clasp hands and embrace, then Pratt asks him how he got back there and Chaz says that he’s got some moves of his own. Pratt asks him how his art final was, and Chaz says it was “nothing”. Chaz wants to know if he can talk to Pratt about something. Pratt tells him to go ahead, but Chaz wants to go somewhere more private than the hallway. Pratt starts to lead him off and Chaz asks if it’s a bad time, but Pratt assures him that it’s “all good”. All happy, Pratt asks him if it has something to do with this morning as he leads him into the Lounge. Chaz says that it kind of does, and Pratt’s all slapping him on the back and laughing, telling him that they are definitely brothers because he has good taste and the “girl is fine”. Pratt walks over to the fridge, and tosses a soda can to Chaz. A little uncomfortable, Chaz starts in that he thinks Pratt got the impression, and he kind of gave him the impression that something had happened with that girl. Pratt says that it sure looked like that to him. Chaz tells him that he and Nicole are just friends, and that she’s cool to hang out with. Pratt tries to tell him to just give the girl time but Chaz cuts him off “Greg! … I’m gay”. Pratt doesn’t know what to say, chuckles uncomfortably, then says that Chaz told him that it was just a phase, and that he’s 18 and what does he know. Chaz just shakes his head as Pratt tries to tell him that he just needs to meet some new “chicks”, but Chaz says that all the talk in the world about “chicks” and sports isn’t going to change him. Pratt sighs and puts his hand in his head, pacing, before confronting Chaz, “So you were lying to me?” Chaz says he wasn’t – he was lying to himself, and he’s not going to do that anymore. He tells Pratt that it’s his life and he’s sorry if it makes Pratt hate him. Pratt insists he doesn’t, but Chaz asks if he can deal with it. Dawn comes in and asks Pratt if she can give his “vomiting guy” another five of Compazine. Pratt says “Look … I can’t do this right now”. Dawn tells him that it’s okay, she can do it, but he assures her, “No, no …” and holds up his hand in a gesture that tells her that it’s not her he was talking to. He tells Chaz that he has to go and walks out, leaving Chaz to just shake his head disappointedly.

Luka pushes out of Trauma Yellow, looking down and reading a chart as he walks down the hall. He’s not looking where he’s going and walks into Abby, who’s crossing from the other hallway. As they collide, she drops some of what she’s carrying, which look like IV bags, and he’s immediately apologizing as he bends to pick them up for her. He hands them back and she starts heading down the hall, telling him she has a bunch of eighth graders with gastroenteritis. She explains that the potato salad was left out too long in the cafeteria. Potato salad? We never got potato salad. We only ever got mashed potatoes, tossed onto our plates by old ladies wearing hairnets and brandishing ice cream scoops, asking “How about some delicious potatoes?”, to which we’d always reply, “No thanks, we’ll just take some of this slop instead”. He follows behind her and she stops to look in at Danielle in Trauma Yellow. She asks how that’s going and he tells her that Surgery is coming down to rule out inter-abdominal injury. They walk off and Luka says that it seems that Danielle knew her attacker, but won’t say who it is. Abby wants to know if she’s protecting somebody, but Luka doesn’t know. Abby asks what “Hollis”, aka Officer FBC, thinks and Luka stops and stares at her, taken aback and asks “Hollis?” Abby fills in “Hollis … the cop …”. When he still doesn’t say anything and just looks at her, Abby keeps explaining, “The cop … that you were talking to … about Danielle …” Looking away from her kind of guiltily, Luka stammers that Hollis doesn’t know much more than they do. Spotting something, Luka has an excuse to get her off the subject again and says “Your ‘bar buddy’ is still here”. Abby turns away with a “oh that’s right” expression and like she totally forgot, does the drawn out “Oh … shoooot”. Oh come on, Abby. Considering they say “dick” pretty liberally on this show now, I’m sure “shit” would be acceptable as well. With an expression to match what she’s thinking as she looks away she says out loud but to herself “How am I going to do this?” Luka assures her not to worry, he’ll “take care of him”. Abby gratefully thanks him and starts to head off again. She turns back and fills Luka in that Remo’s had a couple of treatments for asthmatic exacerbation but if Luka clears him, he can send Remo home with Albuterol and Prednizone, then tells him she’ll have Sam bring in the x-rays. Taking a deep breath and nodding like he’s relieved he just avoided something, Luka says distractedly “okay” as he opens the door to the Exam Room.

Luka enters the room to see Remo perched on a bed, reading the paper. Remo’s all friendly, “Hey doc” and asks Luka if he drew the “short straw”. Luka ignores this, probably because he doesn’t draw anything that’s short … Just saying … Luka steps behind Remo and listens to his lungs. Remo asks “You taking care of me now?” All business, Luka says in that adorable way he has of pronouncing it, that “Dr. Lawkheart” is with other patients … Bitch … Looking pretty interested in the answer, Remo says that he’s only guessing, but that “You’re not from around here, huh?” Luka says shortly “No” then adds “Croatia”. Remo nods, considering this, then says that Luka’s a long way from home. Luka resolutely answers that this is his home now. As I wish that I were that stethoscope, Luka puts it around his neck, then tells Remo that he has some mild wheezing and starts to write something on the chart. Like he did with Abby when they first met, Remo’s still trying to strike up a conversation, and explains that he’s a first-time visitor himself and that he probably should have come in Spring. He adds that a friend of his told him that “winters could be tough”. Oooh, didn’t Abby tell him that at Ike’s in Reason To Believe? Luka says they’re not that bad. Considering a second before asking, but seeming like he really wants to know and not just making small talk … though since it is Luka he’s talking to, that should probably be “little talk” … Remo asks “Planning on raising your son here?” Uh oh. What the hell is Remo up to? Come on, now, ER … I can only deal with one creepy guy stalking Abby and Luka at a time, for God’s sake. Luka stares at him, obviously not happy with being asked something that personal. Remo looks back at him appraisingly, like he’s wondering how Luka’s going to answer before explaining “Abby told me”, then smiling and adding congratulations. Luka’s even less happy with this stranger using Abby’s first name and being more familiar than he really should be. He says coldly, “You mean, Dr. Lawkheart”. Remo regards Luka for a moment as Luka continues to stare him down. Sam enters and asks Luka if he needs the x-rays. He says yes and thanks her, then addresses Remo, pointedly saying “I’m not discussing my personal life with the patients”, before striding over to the x-ray board. He tells Sam to give Remo five of Albuterol and check on him in thirty minutes. Evidently done with Remo, Luka doesn’t even look in his direction as he quickly starts to leave, telling Sam to have him paged if anyone needs him. Remo tries to correct the situation by saying “Listen, doc … if I spoke out of line …”, but Luka ignores him completely as he exits. Remo looks after him, realizing he just made a mistake as Sam scowls confusedly, wondering what’s going on, and if she can get an emergency appointment with her Dermatologist, because it looks like her last Botox treatment has pretty much worn off.

In Trauma Green, a whacked-out Booger is starting to fiddle with the ice pick, so Morris grabs his hand and gently tells him not to do that. Ray is over on the phone and hangs up, exasperated because every department passed the buck on Booger. McEgo’s skeptical that everyone did. Ray says that they all claim that it’s not their problem, as Busy and Phoebe just stare at Booger, maybe trying to see if he’s wearing his “Gimme Head ‘Til I’m Dead” shirt. Busy wants to know what they’re going to do, but apparently no one has a clue because they stand there for a moment with their thumbs up their asses. And we know we’re in for trouble when it’s Morris that decides to do something. He thinks they should pull it out. What, their thumbs? Look at who you’re talking about, Morris. Morris gets all excited and wants to “show those wusses that the ER’s not afraid of …” as a scowling McEgo chimes in “… a 10 inch ice pick in a man’s skull?” Booger’s hand strays up towards the pick handle again and they all start to react to keep him from doing that, except McEgo, who just frowns. Nice, McSadist. Morris stops Booger again and orders a random nurse to push three of Versed. They’re all a little uncomfortable with Morris’ idea … either that or it’s their thumb placement that’s getting uncomfortable. Morris says that the films show that the pick missed everything on the way in so he figures all they have to do is ease it out along the same path, and then admit Booger for IV antibiotics. Busy starts to protest, when Morris adds that this will be a publishable case report for any ambitious med student, Intern or Resident. I guess the thumbs have popped out because they’re all starting to talk over each other about why they should do it. Morris rubs his hands together and asks who wants to do it. They start to contemplate when Busy claps her hands together excitedly, like the rah-rah cheerleader you just know she was in high school, and says excitedly that she’ll do it. She puts on the purple gloves, because who knows what you might pick out of Booger, and mentally prepares herself as her fans hold a pep rally and cheer her on. Morris stands behind her, leaning over her shoulder and talking her through it. Busy takes a deep breath, grabs hold of the handle, trying to get a firm grip. As they all hold their breaths, Busy quickly yanks on the handle … which breaks off in her hand. Booger opens his eyes as they all look disbelievingly at the steel still embedded in his head.

Iman strokes Danielle’s head comfortingly as Neela exams her. Neela’s pushing down on her belly and asking Danielle if there’s any pain where she’s pressing. Danielle says there isn’t. Neela sits Danielle’s bed up and says that she needs to take a look inside her. Danielle tells her that Abby already did that. Neela says cheerfully that she knows, but she’s checking for other things. Iman assures Danielle that it’s okay. Haleh comes in and tells Iman that Female Detective’s asking to talk to her, but Iman says she needs to stay with her daughter. Danielle tells her that it’s okay, she can go. Then Danielle says that she wants Iman to. Clearly not wishing to, Iman complies because it’s what Danielle wants. Iman leaves and Neela tells Danielle that she’s going to see how deep the cuts are. Danielle looks around a bit, sort of guiltily, before stating, “They’re not bad”. Neela and Haleh look at her questioningly. Neela asks her how she knows. Danielle looks up at her, but doesn’t answer. Haleh prods gently “Honey? … Did you do this to yourself?” Danielle swallows, looks at Neela and pleads “Please don’t tell my mom”. Yikes. Neela stares at her, not knowing how to answer.

Luka is outside, approaching a construction site, looking for someone. We see Bird coming out of a trailer, wearing a blue hardhat and carrying a metal clipboard with papers on it. He goes up to a Construction Worker and asks how many loads he hauled up that day. Construction Worker says four and Bird tells him that the boss wants to make sure he gets the load he left in the corner the last time. Construction Worker gives Bird a “yeah, right” look and nastily responds “Go screw yourself” before walking away. Nice, Construction Worker. Kiss your mother, or the other members of the Village People, with that mouth, Macho Man? And if you do, I really don’t need to know about. Luka calls over to Bird, who doesn’t look at all happy to see him and pissily asks what Luka is doing there. Luka says they need to talk. Bird replies that he’s working and that this isn’t a good time. Yeah, but it was perfectly okay for you to show up at Luka’s workplace, cause a scene and have to be dragged off by Security Guards in Heart of the Matter, huh, Bird? … Dodo … A determined Luka says brusquely “I don’t care”. Bird stares back at him, trying to decide what to do as we hear the Foreman yell over to him that he doesn’t get paid to chit-chat. Luka glances quickly at the Foreman, then steels his gaze back at Bird, who asks Foreman if it’s okay if he takes his break right now. Foreman tells him he’s got ten minutes and walks away, as Bird shoots Luka an angry look.

As they walk on a pedestrian bridge, Luka states “You’re lying”. Bird tells Luka to check his timecards if he doesn’t believe him. He protests that it wasn’t him and he doesn’t even know where Luka lives. An annoyed Luka retorts “It wasn’t you in the park? You didn’t send me my son’s toy?” as he stops and he and Bird face each other. Disbelieving that Bird won’t just admit it, Luka comes back at him “I mean, your initials were on it!” Bird whines “Why are you doing this to me?” and complains that Luka sent the police to his job. Bird says “I can’t have you doing that!” and tells Luka that this job is all he’s got left right now. Through with trying to reason with him, Luka orders him to stop playing games. Bird tries to convince him that he’s just trying to live his life and make it through one more day. Luka’s not buying any of it. He grits his teeth and glares at him as Bird goes on that his family is gone, his house is gone and that he’s living in his car. Luka shouts “That’s not my problem, okay?!?” Looking at him almost pleadingly, Bird asks what it is Luka wants from him. Luka glowers at him, moves closer and tells him in a level but warning tone, “You’ve been watching my family, following us. That stops right now”. Bird maintains eye contact and tells Luka pointedly, “I would never do anything to hurt your family … I know what it’s like to lose one”. Luka shifts his gaze down a little, looking like he’s remembering his own loss. Bird watches him for a second, then with an almost gloating expression as if he can read Luka’s mind, he says, “You do too, right?” … Uh oh … Luka raises his eyes to meet Bird’s, mouth set even more grimly as he tilts his head slightly and stares icily at Bird, who continues “I heard that you were married once with kids … must be horrible going through all that”. Yikes. How does Bird know that? He really is stalking them – delving into Luka’s past and then throwing it up in his face like that. Though I guess maybe he could have known about this stuff since the trial. Wouldn’t his lawyer have gotten all the background information on Luka that she could? I wonder what else he knows about … Like maybe the mugger Luka killed on his and Abby’s first date in Benton Backwards … or the patient he misdiagnosed who ended up brain dead in Hindsight … or his covering up how Sam’s patient really died in White Guy, Dark Hair … or MoJo’s true smirky paternity … or that Abby wears a thong … or that he clips his toenails in bed and drips when the toilet seat is down … Creepy … Looking like he thinks he’s gotten the upper hand, Bird tells Luka that he has to get back to work and turns to leave. Oh, you really shouldn’t have done that, Bird. Provoked, a fierce Luka grabs Bird by the lapels and forcefully slams him against the bridge railing. Bird grunts as his back hits it and we hear the metal clank. Luka has a tight grip on him, holding him so that Bird is bent backwards a bit, partially hanging over the railing. A menacing Luka, his black gaze unwavering, gets in Bird’s face intimidatingly, then coolly and matter-of-factly threatens - in much the same manner as he did with Brian, Abby’s neighbor who beat her up in A Simple Twist of Fate - “Listen to me Ames … Come near my family again … I’ll kill you”. Camera angle switches to show us Bird’s reaction, not meeting Luka’s ferocious stare, as we see the water below him. Luka’s lips are pressed together tightly as he unblinkingly stares Bird down. Bird glances at Luka’s hand holding onto his jacket, then back at Luka, letting him know that he’s made his point. Luka releases him and Bird walks away, leaving Luka to watch after him, hoping that he’s put an end to all this. While normally I find intense, nostril flaring Luka incredibly hot, and, probably wrongly, enjoyed his defending Abby and laying the smackdown on Brian, I’m thinking he may have crossed a line here. Though I do understand the rage coming from his vehement determination to protect his family, and let’s face it, he’s proven in the past that you really just shouldn’t fuck with Abby, I’m thinking he’s probably only succeeded in antagonizing Bird further, rather than making him stop.

Morris and Busy, dressed in blue surgical scrubs, are staring into an Operating Theatre. She’s all remorseful and apologetic, saying that it’s her fault. I guess Surgery’s Booger picking now. Morris tries to take the blame saying it was his idea. She berates herself that maybe she pulled the handle to hard and he tries to reassure her by telling her that she was the only one in the entire hospital to step up to the plate. Then he tells her that he’s proud of her. Ooh … am I sensing that Morris is going to get a little Busy? Hmmm … You know, I think I kind of like the idea of that pairing. Much better than the Surgical Chief Resident bitch, Albright the Snotty Surgeon, that he was all into last year. Busy’s really starting to grow on me. I wonder what their shipper name would be? Mosy? Busmo? The surgery doors open and this year’s surgical chief asshole, Dustin Crenshaw, better known to me as Moby because of his chrome dome-like resemblance to the pop singer, comes out into the hall. Busy asks how Booger is and Moby snarks that the “human shish kabob” will be fine. Hee. And, yuck. And on that note, I think I’ll be cancelling my dinner reservations at Shish-Ka-Bobby’s now … Moby bitches that it’s no thanks to the incredibly imbecilic stunt of theirs. Morris asks how they were supposed to know that the handle would break off. Going off on one of his typical condescending diatribes, Moby says “Just for fun, let’s pretend that you each had even a modicum of grey matter that you managed to fashion into some crude, rudimentary semblance of a brain … You would know that you never pull out something near a vital structure unless you are in the OR”. Busy protests that they remove foreign bodies all the time in the ER. Moby snidely tells her that “pulling a vibrator out of someone’s ass … Not the same thing”. Gee, I wonder why Moby’s train of thought immediately went there … Wouldn’t be at all surprised if he has a bit of a Rabbit Habit himself … Morris defends Busy by saying that she acted under his supervision and his orders. Moby thinks that’s just perfect – “the half-wit leading the dimwit”. God, he just needs to be smacked. Here’s whose ass you should be kicking, Luka, just like Abby said you could in Jigsaw … Though I guess she wouldn’t need you taking care of Moby for her, she’s pretty sure, and rightly so I’d imagine, that she could take him herself. Morris gets in his face, “Look, you obnoxious bore …” then proceeds to tell him how the ER works damn hard for every patient they see and that they acted in this guy’s best interest when no one, not even Surgery, would give him the time of day. Morris admits that they did something that didn’t work, that it happens sometimes, and that he will take full responsibility. He continues “At least we got off of our asses and tried to help”. Moby puts the chart he’s carrying under his arm so that he can sarcastically applaud and give “gold stars for the ER asses”, then brushes past Morris and walks off. Morris yells to him “Hey!” Moby stops, hands on hips like “Well, I’m waiting”. Morris wants to know what it is about Moby’s need to belittle other people and wants to know if insulting someone makes him feel like a man. Hate to tell you this, Morris, but I’m pretty sure 24/7 exposure to the NFL channel, participating in belching contests, inappropriate crotch scratching, and even testosterone injections couldn’t succeed in making Moby “like a man”. Morris keeps going “… bolster what little self-esteem you’re clinging to”, as Moby, surprisingly, isn’t answering and just looks at him with what tries to be a disdainful look but is really one that shows that Morris may be hitting close to home. Moving a little closer to him, Morris says in a wondering tone, “Wow, you know, I can’t even imagine what happened in your life to make you the kind of person everybody hates”. Moby stares at him for a second, then turns to leave, dropping his chart on the floor, showing that Morris really did get to him. Moby hurriedly retrieves it and rushes off. Morris watches him as Busy’s expression says that she is totally feeling the Morris love. She tells him “I could kiss you right now” and he turns around and looks at her, surprised, then hopeful and asks “Really?” Busy thinks about it for a second, then says “Hmm … Now it’s gone”, turns and walks away. Hee. Morris grins appreciatively as he watches her go.

Abby and Remo are exiting Exam Room 3 and she apologizes for it taking so long, saying that it’s “kind of the way things work around here” as they walk down the hall towards Admit. Remo tells her he didn’t mind. She reminds him to fill the prescription and to remember that he needs to take the Prednisone with food. He smiles and “Yes, ma’am” ‘s her, adding “If you say so”. She tells him that he needs to follow up with his doctor in a week. Like that statement made him think of something, he says “Right …What are your office hours?” Oooh … Luka’s not going to like that … Can’t you writers cut The Pretty a break with only having to threaten one potentially dangerous patient at a time? Abby chuckles a little uncomfortably then states that she can refer him to the pulmonary clinic. Realizing he’s not going to get anywhere, Remo blows it off with a “Eh … that’s alright” and adds that he’ll work it out as he heads for the doors. Abby says “okay”. As Remo is about to exit, Luka comes back into the ER. Luka nods at him and walks past without speaking, as Remo turns, looking like he wants to say something. Luka sees Abby, then glances quickly down the hall, looking like he’s trying to figure out if he can get by without her seeing him. Abby turns around, spots Luka and looks glad to see him as she says happily “Hey”. Her expression changes a little and she raises her eyebrows questioningly at him as he apparently had been going to just keep walking right by her. Trying to talk to him, she repeats “hey …” and asks “… where’d you disappear to?” He keeps moving, turning and putting some distance between them by doing that backwards walk thing you do when you’re wanting to avoid getting into a conversation with someone but trying to make it look like that’s not what you’re doing. Haleh calls down to Luka that she needs to talk to him. Luka says “Yeah” to her, in an “I’ll right there” tone, obviously glad for the excuse. He blows Abby off by quickly saying “Uh … nowhere”, glances back towards where Remo is, nods slightly and tells her “I’ll see you later” before heading down the hall. Abby watches after him, still trying to figure out what’s going on. Remo takes notice of Abby observing Luka and as he puts on his coat he says to her, “Well, he seems like an interesting guy”. Abby finally drags her gaze away from where Luka went to face Remo as he smiles and tells her “Could use a little work on his bedside manner”. As she’s always done because she’s just as protective of him as he is of her, Abby makes excuses for Luka and tells Remo, “Well, it’s been a rough day”. Sam calls to Abby that Weaver’s report is coming on the TV. Abby tells her “Okay”, then turns back to Remo. She tells him goodbye, adding “Take care”, before walking over to Admit. Remo says “goodnight” and watches her walk away, his expression showing that he’s reluctant to leave. His attentiveness to her is more than a little creepy and I’m thinking Luka might be getting a chance to practice his “… I’ll kill you” speech once again …

Abby asks Sam if she missed anything but Sam says that Weaver is on after the weather. Dawn bitches for Usher to turn on Channel 5 now. Abby thinks there’s nothing more dangerous than a man in control of the TV remote. Hee. I would agree with you, Abby, if I hadn’t been subjected to the horror of watching the frenzy of my mom and her sisters frantically tracking stuff simultaneously on QVC and the Home Shopping Network, then fighting over the phone to place their orders. Shudders. Sam walks up to where Sunshine is at Admit and comments “Pretty easy once you get the hang of it, huh?” He smiles at her and tells her that he appreciates her showing him the ropes today. She and her bangs try to pass it off as nothing, as she tells him that she was once a “brash, overconfident new nurse herself”. “Was once”??? As if you are not brash anymore, Sam??? Puh-leaze … You are so your own trailer park fairy tale … Ho Fright and her dwarves Brash-y, Rash-y, Flashy, Trashy, Ghastly, Nasty … and Splinter … Sam hopes that Sunshine hasn’t changed his mind about County. Sunshine replies “No, not yet”, then wants to know if Sam will let him buy her a drink, or dinner, as a way to say “thank you”. Sam’s taken aback, and asks if he means like a date. Sunshine asks if it sounds like a date and Sam says “Kind-a”. Sunshine thinks she can call it whatever she wants and tells her to “just say ‘yes’ “. Oh, please do, Sam. First of all, Sunshine is kind of cute, in an all-American, boy-next-door, geeky way. Secondly, I’d be really surprised if he has a criminal record, so I don’t think you have to worry about him shooting up the ER like your ex did. And third, for the love of God, shut up those people who apparently have a different version of this show broadcast into their homes – you know, the one where you and Luka haven’t moved on and are hung up on each other, destined to get back together. While I do agree that your hair could use some attention, the show I’ve been watching has the Shampoo Boy seeming pretty content at the Salon where he’s currently working … Bitch … Of course, all that will change when the Sudanese Smirk Scourge invades from Africa, joining the Egola Virus, already in progress, to reek further havoc on this show’s love-lives … and the intestinal tracts of the viewers … Sam just smiles at Sunshine, looking more than a little smitten.

Neela is walking up to Admit when Pratt calls out to her to ask about a patient, who she says is still in line for the OR. Neela’s beeper goes off and she picks up the phone to call. Pratt tells Ray, who is standing at the Desk, that he forgot to fill out a consult request. Ray gets a “oh, yeah, that’s right” look, thanks Pratt and apologizes. Pratt takes this opportunity to tell Ray “You guys gotta knock it off”. Ray’s not sure what he’s talking about and Pratt says that he’s talking about Phoebe and reminds Ray that she’s a med student. Ray replies that he’s not going to be evaluating her. Pratt tells him that it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t want Ray distracted or his judgment impaired. Ray protests that his judgment is fine and that “Besides, it’s not like it’s not going on around here all the time”. Hee. It’s true. Everybody sleeps with everybody on this show, whether we want them to or not. Neela’s still on the phone, but is listening in on Pratt and Ray. Pratt says that as long as he’s running the floor it isn’t. Is Pratt running the floor? Luka’s on shift, and is the ER Chief, so isn’t he running the floor? And considering who his Hairdresser is, I don’t think he’d be complaining too much about workplace intermingling … Bitch … Ray and his not-quite-a-pornstache get all indignant and tell Pratt that “When it’s your business to know about my lovelife, I’ll let you know”, and storms away.

Weaver’s report comes on and everyone stands around grinning while they watch her. Dawn tells Usher to turn up the sound. Abby’s all impressed and thinks that “Weaver’s a real natural”. Um, she’s been doing this TV reporting thing for months - have you not watched her before, Abby? Nice. Some friend you are. Weaver, who’s looking fabulous, is reporting from an alleyway where there are dumpsters, talking about how two homeless guys had found a baby, umbilical cord still attached, in the trash … Yikes. Scene switches to show Weaver, relaxing with a glass of red wine and an excited TV Tina, at home watching the report. Tina has a huge smile on her face as she complements Weaver about how well this turned out. Weaver tries to laugh it off as only being TV, and Tina asks her “You’re kidding, right?” Weaver moves to sit closer to her and shushes her because Henry just fell asleep. She grabs the remote to turn the volume down as Tina asks her how many patients she treats in the ER in one shift … 20? 30, tops? Weaver says that it depends and Tina thinks that on TV she can reach a hell of a lot more than 30 people and still help them. Weaver protests that it’s not the same, but Tina thinks it still counts. Weaver looks at the screen, hides her face a little, all embarrassed and saying that she can’t believe it’s her up there. Tina smiles and tells her that she better get used to it because she’s really very good. As they gaze at each other, Weaver tells her that she couldn’t have done it “without my producer”. They hold a look for a moment, then Weaver moves in to kiss her and Tina reciprocates. They start really getting into it. Good for you, Laura Innes – directing yourself not only looking fab, but also getting a little action … You go, girl … Or girls …

Ray goes into the drug lockup and Neela calls out to him, following him in, looking like she wants to talk to him. She’s got her coat on and he asks if she’s heading out. She says she is, “thank God”, and that it’s been a long day. As he keeps doing what he’s doing, Ray tells her this place can suck at times and she better leave while she can. He walks out of the lockup, Neela on his heels. She finally gets to what she wants to say and tells him that Pratt’s right, it’s not cool to date a student. Ray can’t believe this and says “So now this is your business, too”. Neela tries to cover that she’s only saying, and that Phoebe is nice and everything and that she likes her, but … Ray prods her with a “But what?” She says that she’s concerned. Ray scoffs and sarcastically thanks her, telling her that he’s good, Phoebe’s good, and that things are going great. He starts to walk off again and Neela keeps up with him, saying that then she’s happy for him. Ray wants to know what this is really about. Neela’s all “What?” and Ray asks why she cares all of a sudden. Neela says that they’re friends and that’s what friends do, talk about other people, share each other’s lives. Ray’s not really buying it, and turns to her asking “Well, okay, friend … How’s Gates?” Neela stares at him, unsure how to respond, but Ray doesn’t let her anyway and says “Because you know what? I’m really not into playing your games anymore”. Neela acts like she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Ray wants to know if she really thinks he’s going to hang out and wait for her to find out that McEgo is just “jerking her around”. Neela starts “Ray …”, but he cuts her off, “Neela. You made your choice. You can’t have it both ways”. Neela watches him walk away, not sure what to think of what just happened. As much as I hate the idea of geometrical shapes rearing their ugly pointed heads again on this show, especially one involving yet another over-inflated-ego-doctor-know-it-all, I like that Ray is really both letting her know his feelings and calling her on stuff here. I hope that we eventually get some clue as to why Neela would risk catching something by being with McEgo, because that facial roadkill really does suggest that John Stamos Has Rabies.

In the lounge, Iman is watching the detectives as they give her a phone number and tell her to call if they think of anything else. Luka comes in as they leave. He asks Iman if Bowie is back, and she says he’ll be back soon. Iman tells him that the police wanted to look at Danielle’s computer, see if she kept a diary. Luka looks around uncomfortably, before sitting down on the coffee table in front if Iman. He says that he needs to tell her something, but hesitates a second as he tries to find the best way to say it. He tells her that when Danielle was being examined by surgeons, she told the doctor and the nurse in the room that “she did this”. Iman just looks at him, not comprehending what he is telling her. Luka states more plainly “She cut herself”. Iman thinks that’s not possible and they must have misunderstood her. Why is Luka telling Iman this? Why wouldn’t Neela do it, since she was the doctor Danielle talked to? I guess since Luka and Iman have a good relationship, maybe they thought it would be better coming from him. Luka explains that Danielle said that she’s done it before but today she couldn’t control the bleeding, got frightened, tried to run home and that’s when they found her. Iman shakes her head disbelievingly. Luka continues that Danielle also said that a boy kissed her before class today, he tried to reach under her skirt but she pushed him away. Luka then tells Iman that Danielle said that she “remembered something”. Oh, no. Iman asks “Remembered what?” Luka says that’s when Danielle went to the girls’ room and cut herself. Iman tells him that she doesn’t understand. Luka slides a little closer to her as I get the sick feeling that this story is about to get a whole lot worse … Luka hesitates again, puts his hands together and to his mouth, almost like in prayer, like he’s praying for an easy way to tell her what he’s about to. Luka tells her that Danielle talked about something that happened to Iman in Detroit. Iman looks stunned as she starts to realize what he’s talking about. Luka goes on that it was something Danielle witnessed. Iman stares at him, shocked, then looks dismayed as she whispers “Oh God … She saw? …” The Ominous Ode of Oppressive Occurrences starts as Luka looks at Iman, his expression saying that he doesn’t know the rest of the story. Iman, looking resigned, confesses to Luka that when Danielle was nine a man came to the door of their apartment and said he was doing repairs in the complex. Luka watches her intently, realizing that it was something really bad. Iman says the guy was wearing overalls and carrying a toolbox so she let him in, then quietly adds, “… he raped me”. Oh, that’s horrible. I’m sorry, Iman. She starts to cry as Luka looks down, closing his eyes as he takes in what she just told him. Iman goes on that Danielle was playing outside, so she never thought Danielle had any idea what happened. Iman sadly admits that she’s never told anyone, not even Bowie. She didn’t want to upset Danielle and she just wanted to put it all behind her. Crying, she asks herself plaintively “What did I do?” Luka tries to reassure her that it isn’t her fault. Sobbing, Iman says that she was so busy trying to keep it all together that she didn’t see what her own daughter was going through. Luka puts his hand on her shoulder comfortingly and tells her that she did what she thought was best and that she was “just trying to protect your family”. Hmm, that sounds familiar … now where have I heard that before? … Luka holds Iman’s right hand as she hangs her head in her left and weeps. Gee, it’s really just too bad there are no lessons to be learned from this story, huh, Luka?

Neela is at the El station when McEgo calls after her and rushes to catch up. She’s pissy and says “Oh, not now … Really … not now”. As they go through the turnstiles, he says that he forgot to tell her earlier that he’s moving. She’s all sarcastic “oh yeah?” and wants to know where. He admits that he hasn’t actually found a place yet. She keeps moving, saying that she doesn’t have time for “this crap”. Is Neela actually taking what Ray said to heart and finally wising up about McEgo??? He tries to explain that it’s not like he can just walk out of there tomorrow as Neela starts up the steps to the platform. He tells her he’s been there a long time and Trixie and Deej count on him, and that he promised his buddy a long time ago that he would be there to take care of them. Neela wants to know if sleeping with his best friend’s wife was part of the deal, too. McEgo insists that it wasn’t about that, then tells her “You know, you’re not making this easy”. Neela’s rightfully affronted as she bitches at him, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was supposed to”. He continues that right or wrong, he and Trixie do get together sometimes, but that it was out of convenience or loneliness, but it wasn’t love, and that they “both knew that”. Nice, McEgo. I’m real sure Trixie knew that. Asshole. You really a user aren’t you, McLoser? McWanker. Neela’s had enough and yells at him to just stop lying, and angrily strides down the platform. He follows, telling her that she’s right, he hasn’t been honest for a long time and for ten years he’s dealt with things and people in his life in a way that he wouldn’t have to get too close. Neela scoffs that she supposes now he’s going to tell her that it’s different. He says that since he met her he’s been a mess. Now, don’t be blaming her for your poor hygiene and shaving phobia, McBuckPasser. He tells her that she’s making him think about the way he wants his life to be … the way it could be. Oh please. Is she really going to buy that? I guess she is as she stares at him, no longer angry, and asks, “I am?” Oh, Neela. He nods as the train pulls in. Neela unnecessarily says “Train’s here”. They look at each other for a moment before she moves to get on the train and he stays on the platform. She turns to look at him, then reaches out and grabs his arm, pulling him onto the train. They grin at each other as the train pulls away. McUgh.

Chaz and his bathing buddy are carrying boxes and stuff on the street outside Pratt’s apartment. Pratt spots them and calls after Chaz. He wants to know what Chaz is doing. Chaz tells Bathing Buddy to wait for him in the car. Pratt tries to tell him that he doesn’t have to leave. Chaz thinks he does. Pratt says that he never said he wasn’t cool with it, but Chaz says that Pratt never said he was either. Pratt tries to explain that he works on gay people all the time and that he works with gay doctors, but when it comes to his own blood, he just needs some time. Chaz chuckles and tells Pratt that he’s a lot more like their father than he realizes. Pratt negates that and says that it’s not coming out how he means it. Chaz says that he could see when he told him that he wasn’t okay with it. Pratt sighs as Chaz says that maybe he’ll never be okay with it, but hopes someday Pratt proves him wrong as he gets in the car with Bathing Buddy, leaving Pratt and his intolerance to watch them drive away.

Coats on and leaving for the night, Luka and Abby exit into the Ambulance Bay, hand in hand. Awww, how sweet … Bitch … As they walk, he tells her that tomorrow Iman and Bowie are taking Danielle to a private facility. Abby says that it sounds like she’s getting the help she needs. Luka agrees, and thinks it’s going to take some time, but they’ll all get through it. And, what do ya know? It seems Luka actually caught the moral of the story, as he glances over at her then starts, “Abby … you asked me where I … went”. She grins as she looks at him and teases, “Yes, and you said something about ‘nowhere’ “. He comes clean that he went to see Bird. Abby furrows her brow questioningly as she clarifies, “The patient who sued you?” He stops walking as he tells her that the guy that she met in the park when MoJo’s toy got lost was Bird. She looks at him and asks how he knows that. He continues that this morning Bird was on their street and that he’s been following them. Trying to make sure she’s really hearing what she’s hearing, Abby looks at him quizzically, tilts her head and asks “What?” He goes on that he didn’t have proof but … as she drops his hand and asks incredulously “But you didn’t say anything?” Shrugging defensively as he tries to rationalize, “No … I just thought …” Abby cuts him off, getting more and more upset, “Luka! I … I … I’ve been walking all around Chicago with our son!!!” He wants to explain and says “I know …” and reaches for her hand, but she doesn’t let him take it, pulling her hands back and moving away a little. She goes on, “… And the babysitter takes him out every day. And there’s a crazy, angry guy following us???” He tries to reassure her that it’s over now, and she asks, “How do you know that? You don’t know that.” He declares definitively that he knows because he took care of it. She comes back at him “How did you take care of it?!?” He just tells her “I took care of it”. She strides angrily away from him over towards the street. He calls after her, motioning towards the El, “Hey, let’s just go home, we can talk about it there”, but she ignores him and keeps going, looking down the street and trying to hail a cab. Luka asks her what she’s doing as, looking and sounding anxious, she tells him that the train is too slow and she just wants to get home. Totally understandable that after his revelation, like any mother, she’d be fearful and would need to get home as quickly as possible to make sure that MoJo is alright. Realizing how upset she is and not wanting to make it worse, Luka just agrees quietly “okay” as he moves to stand closer to her. Arms crossed in front of her, extremely pissed and emphasizing each word, Abby says “I can't believe this … I can not believe you didn’t tell me”. Luka reasons that he didn’t want her to worry. Abby can’t believe what she’s hearing and retorts “You didn’t want me to worry???” He exclaims “Yes!” Shaking her head disbelievingly she goes on in a disappointed tone, “I thought we were past this …” He asks “Past what?” and wants to know what she’s talking about now. Angry and frustrated, she confronts him, “In our relationship … this need you have to protect me …” as she continues, gesturing with her hands to show how ridiculous she finds this, “… or shield me from the ‘hurts of the world’ …” Oooh, is she making references to the mugger? Though since the mugger was going after you at the time, Luka really did kind of have to shield you in that instance, Abby, though maybe not so … irrevocably … Or maybe she’s referring to her abusive neighbor? Hmm … always thought she figured out that Luka was the one that beat the crap out of Brian, but we’ve never known for sure … Or maybe she means how she thought he was always trying to make decisions for her, like sending in her med school application without asking her (in which case even though he meant well, he was still wrong), or his wanting to have Maggie committed before going to Oklahoma rather than rushing down there and bringing her back (in which case he was definitely right, and Abby knows it) … She yells again for a cab as he wants to know why she’s bringing all that up now. He insists that “we’re different now … we’re different people”. And they really are … They’ve grown individually and in their relationship as well. They’re both much more open now and don’t hide behind a wall they built between each other. That’s probably why she feels so betrayed – like they’re back to where they were before. As if that were her point exactly, she nods at him and says emphatically “Yeah, that’s what I thought”. Attempting to reason with her, Luka admits that he knows he should have told her as she glares at him and he continues “But this is just … about … Ames”. A taxi pulls up and Abby moves to get in it. Luka pleads “Don’t make it about us”. She turns to him as she opens the door and tells him bluntly, “It is about us”. Because he can’t see that his keeping things from her, no matter how well intentioned, was really not the best way to do things, he looks at her like he can’t believe that she thinks that. As she gets in the cab, she pissily tells him “I’m going … Are you coming, or what?” and slams the door. Well, at least she wants him to go with her … If this really was like the first go round in their relationship, she would have just gotten in without saying anything to him, and he probably wouldn’t have even told her any of this in the first place, let alone try to explain why he did what he did. Luka bites his lip and watches her for a moment, realizing he made a huge mistake, because he knows this isn’t over and considering how upset she is, it’s a pretty good bet the Salon may be closed for repairs for a while. He walks around to the other side of the cab and gets in, slamming the door, too. He and Abby sit on opposite sides of the backseat, not moving any closer to each other as the cab pulls away.


At 8:15 PM, February 07, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, Cranky's back! And in fine form. The salon treatments must have done wonders for you. I'm glad you're feeling better, but I'm sure you have the good doctor's call button handy just in case. Keep things in perspective and have fun with, it. Welcome back!


At 1:09 AM, February 08, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...


*Gives HUGE bear hug*

At 1:31 PM, February 08, 2007, Anonymous Pamela Earley said...

I was so excited to see a new post! Hope you are feeling better, cranky.

At 2:03 PM, February 08, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful, thank you for the recap!

At 3:12 PM, February 08, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant, as always! Thank you, Cranky!!

At 3:53 PM, February 08, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome back, Cranky! So good to see you haven't lost any of your form!

At 4:07 PM, February 08, 2007, Blogger Reina Borg said...

I´m realy glad you´r still with us Cranky, I don´t have time now, so I´ll read it later, but I´m sure is as good as allways.
Thank you.


At 12:03 AM, February 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay Cranky!!!!!

So glad you are back. Take your time with the recaps, but I must confess that I cannot wait to read your recaps for Murmurs of the Heart and Dying is Easy. They will be well worth the wait, I am sure.

At 5:51 AM, February 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks, Cranky. that was great! take care.

At 10:02 AM, February 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ditto to everything the previous posters said.

Thank you for the great work and welcome back!!

At 1:15 PM, February 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm thrilled the adventures of Weaver will live on (however briefly) in your recaps!! Yay! The Weaver & TV Tina smooch was one of the hottest on television. McGrizzly and Neela could take some pointers.

At 6:01 PM, February 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was worth the wait Cranky! And I'm sure the next one will be worth the wait as well. Take your time and take care!

At 7:05 PM, February 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So glad you are back! Wonderful job on the recap :) A joy to read... can't wait for the next :D

At 8:43 PM, February 10, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww.....I am SO glad you are back...and in GRAND form!!! Can't even begin to tell you how much I have missed this. Any new gossip from the salon??


At 4:53 PM, February 11, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad to see you back! I loved everything you said about Sam. Nice Bowie references too (<3 Bowie).

At 10:21 AM, February 13, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

well ... haven't had yet the time to read this recap ...
with the next one got myself a whole week of reading (am savouring your work 'cause it's too good to swallow it all at once!)

At 7:51 PM, February 13, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

CRANKY UR BACK!!!! just thought i would check in hope, this is the best suprise! I'll have to calm my self down with a cup of tea before I sit down to read!


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